Jillian Webster's Blog, page 4

Thoughts on Travel

This quote has been on my fridge for years...                “This is why we need to travel. If we don’t offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don’t life to the horizon; our ears don’t hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days." Letters to my Son by Kent Nerburn. 

Jehovah's Witnesses and Shunning...

There is such a fine line when writing about religion and trauma. It's so easy to allow your grief and anger to trickle into your words, influencing the reader's point of view. I have worked very hard when writing my memoir to let the Jehovah's Witnesses' actions and beliefs speak for themselves, giving the reader an opportunity to form their own opinion. This has been very therapeutic.

I have also spent a great deal of time researching the Jehovah's Witnesses' beliefs, particularly those regarding shunning, or "disfellowshipping" as they would call it.  This has been incredibly eye-opening as it has allowed me to peer into a world I left over a decade ago.

Below you will find a short sermon where Jehovah's Witnesses, proclaimed Christians, are instructed on how to treat shunned ("disfellowshipped") members of the religion. Every year, the Jehovah's Witnesses have large, three-day conventions around the world, listening to identical "sermons" that have been pre-written by the organization's head office in Brooklyn, New York. You will, on average, find the word "loyal" repeated one time every 30 seconds. Not speaking to loved ones who have been shunned is a "test" on the member's loyalty to God .

Below the video, I have cited a few direct quotes (out of hundreds) from the Jehovah's Witnesses' website (www.jw.org) on how to treat disfellowshipped ones and "apostates" (what I am now considered since I have willingly left the religion). The short link after each quote will bring you directly to their website where the quote was found.

I am posting this simply as a resource (in conjuntion with the upcoming publication of Scared to Life ) should there be any questions regarding the Jehovah's Witnesses' shunning former members of their religion.

This is a very brief insight into the world of Jehovah's Witnesses, a world completely foreign and unknown to many.

Disfellowship - "To remove the wicked man (or woman) from the congregation." ( ws11 7/15 pp. 22-27 )

Apostate - "This term in Greek (a·po·sta·si′a) ... literally meaning “stand away from.” In the Christian Greek Scriptures it is used primarily with regard to...a withdrawal or abandonment of the true cause, worship, and service of God...  Such ones willfully abandoning the Christian congregation thereby become part of the 'antichrist.'” ( it-1 pp. 126-127 )

“Apostasy” is a standing away from true worship...rebellion, abandonment. ( w11 7/15 pp. 15-19 )

Governing Body - "...the ruling council of Jehovah's Witnesses based in Brooklyn, New York. The body formulates doctrines, oversees the production of written material for publications and conventions, and administers the group's worldwide operations. Official publications refer to members of the Governing Body as followers of Christ rather than religious leaders." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Governing_Body_of_Jehovah%27s_Witnesses)

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"Satan was the first creature to turn apostate. Modern-day apostates display characteristics similar to those of the Devil. Their mind may be poisoned by a critical attitude toward individuals in the congregations, Christian elders, or the Governing Body. Some apostates oppose the use of the divine name, Jehovah. They are not interested in learning about Jehovah or in serving him. Like their father, Satan, apostates target people of integrity. (John 8:44) No wonder servants of Jehovah avoid all contact with them!" (w09 4/15 pp. 3-7)

"How can we protect ourselves against false teachers? The Bible’s counsel regarding how to deal with them is clear. “Avoid them,” says God’s Word. Other translations render that phrase “turn away from them,” “keep away from them,” and “stay away from them!” There is nothing ambiguous about that inspired counsel. Suppose that a doctor told you to avoid contact with someone who is infected with a contagious, deadly disease. You would know what the doctor means, and you would strictly heed his warning. Well, apostates are “mentally diseased,” and they seek to infect others with their disloyal teachings. ( 1 Tim. 6:3, 4 ) Jehovah, the Great Physician, tells us to avoid contact with them." ( w11 7/15 pp. 15-19 )

"What if we have a relative or a close friend who is disfellowshipped? Now our loyalty is on the line, not to that person, but to God. Jehovah is watching us to see whether we will abide by his command not to have contact with anyone who is disfellowshipped." (w12 4/15 pp. 8-12)

"Few things can hurt us more deeply than the pain we suffer when a relative or a close friend is expelled from the congregation for unrepentant sin. How we respond to the Bible’s direction on this matter can reveal the depth of our love for God and of our loyalty to his arrangement. Consider some questions that arise on this subject.
        How should we treat a disfellowshipped person?  Regarding everyone who “does not remain in the teaching of the Christ,” we read: “Do not receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For the one who says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.” (2 John 9-11) We do not have spiritual or social fellowship with disfellowshipped ones. The Watchtower of September 15, 1981, page 25, stated: “A simple ‘Hello’ to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?”
        Is strict avoidance really necessary? Yes, for several reasons...it is a matter of loyalty to God and his Word." (lv pp. 207-209) 

"At times, we are called upon to withdraw our fellowship from one who has been a member of the congregation. This situation arises when an individual who unrepentantly violates God’s law is disfellowshipped or when one rejects the faith by teaching false doctrine or by disassociating himself from the congregation. God’s Word plainly tells us to “stop keeping company” with such ones.* (Read 1 Corinthians 5:11-13; 2 John 9-11) It may be a real challenge to avoid someone who had perhaps been a friend or who is related to us. Will we take a firm stand, thereby showing that we put loyalty to Jehovah and his righteous laws above all else? Remember that Jehovah places a high value on loyalty and obedience." (lv chap. 3 pp. 25-35)

More information can be found on www.jwfacts.com 

For the Dreamers.

wow. These last four months have been such a whirlwind--an unbelievably overwhelming process of publishing with endless lists and emails; starting my own "limited liability company", obtaining a federal tax ID number, buying barcodes and ISBN's, and registering my copyright. I've been working with copyeditors and graphic designers while editing my book, working on my website, editing my book and then editing some more. Get up early and work, then go to work, then go home in the evening with a take-out dinner and go back to work until I fall asleep on my over-worked and over-heated computer.

I suppose I knew it was coming, and I've tackled the lists and the to-do's the way I knew I would...but I lost myself a bit in the process. I became exhausted and found myself looking at the obligations and lists with resentment. Publishing a book is a full-time job. It can take over your entire life and since I've never done it before, it became overwhelming to a point where I considered giving up. 

So, when you're tackling your dream and find yourself overwhelmed, what do you do? What did I do?

I took a deep breath and remembered why I am here--what it was that brought me here in the first place. Passion. Love. All those months, all those years, carrying this dream and keeping it alive when I had no idea what would ever become of it. But I believed in the words, I believed in the story--I still do, with all my heart. I've been telling loved ones I don't care if anything becomes of it, because I followed my passion and wrote a book I can be proud of.

That's all that matters.

I'm at the end of this four-year journey, and I did it. I made it. And in just six short weeks (March 31st), a whole new adventure will begin and life will change all over again. How exciting. And terrifying. Just like everything else, I'll keep figuring it out and I won't give up, even when times get tough. 

I came across this YouTube video on Twitter, and I must re-post it. I'm passing it on as inspiration to the artists out there, the go-getters, the fighters and the dreamers. Hold on, keep kicking, and one day in the not-so-distant future, you may look back and be glad you did.

My Book

Do you want to hear something funny?
I am terrible at talking about my book.
I'm serious - I rarely tell anyone about it. Okay, here's how a conversation about my book goes:

"So, Jillian. I hear you've written a book?"
My face turns red. "Yes, I have."
Awkward silence. 
"Well, what's it about?"
Don't say it's a travel memoir...
"It's a travel memoir." 
*Insert long sigh.

So, yes, I suppose it's a travel memoir. But it's also a story about loss... and hope. It's a story about never giving up. It's the last ten years of my life, about leaving everything I knew behind to follow my heart. It's so much more than a travel memoir, but for some reason, I don't say that. Actually, for the most part, I don't say anything at all. God help me. 

Can I tell you something else? I'm terrified. I've given this book everything I have... what if everything isn't good enough? This is a game changer. No matter what, there's no going back now. My editor asked me this week, "What do you think, Jillian? Do you need more time, or is it ready? What does your gut say?"

And I knew the answer. Ready or not, it is time. I know it's time. I have come full circle.
  
"There are no other options but to follow my love, let go, and fall. So fall I will; I will dive fully into the depths of everything I am and morph into completely new dimensions. I will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same. I’ve prayed and now it is time, time to let myself live this life I have fought so hard for. It is time to fly."  - Scared to Life

So here she is, my life in 375 pages. My book will be officially released into the world on March 31st. I hope you like it. 

Book Update!

Hello friends!

I figured since it has been a couple months, I would send out a quick update with my publishing journey.

After months of collaboration, my graphic designer (www.jesshurley.com) and I have finally finished the cover of my book! I have always been drawn to clean, simple yet elegant covers, which despite their simplicity are surprisingly time-consuming to create! From the east coast of the United States to the capital of New Zealand, emails flew back and forth and back again in efforts to create a cover that belonged to my story.  I will be revealing this cover with the launch of my new website beginning early next year... I can't wait for you to see it.

The other exciting news is my book is officially with the professional copy editor in its final stages of polishing, then will be shipped off to my proofreader in January. Promo materials are being whipped together, headshots are in a couple weeks - being an author and a publisher is a lot of work! The countdown to publication is now down to three months, then a whole new adventure of book sales will begin...
 
In the meantime, I think it's worth noting an interesting development with the Jehovah's Witnesses in the news. This past year I have done a lot of research as to what my family has been taught in regards to the treatment of a disfellowshipped person such as myself. What I have found has been grossly manipulative and hateful. Turns out, I am not the only one appalled. Recently in The Telegraph, an article has been written in response to an investigation being launched about the bullying tactics the Witnesses use regarding people like myself who have left the religion. It has been labeled as, "religious hate". You can read the article here:   

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/8791196/Police-inquiry-over-Jehovahs-Witness-magazine-mentally-diseased-article.html

I have to say, I'm a little relieved to see someone else shining light on such a damaging and controlling religion. To call someone "mentally diseased" for leaving is not right, and it's about time someone stood up and said so.

I leave you now with a quote (how much do I love quotes...) that pretty much sums up the past four years. I wrote this book because I had to, because despite my fear and my doubt, there was always a voice deep within me whispering in waves, "I must tell my story." Now that it's written, I cannot begin to describe how good it feels to be standing on the other side.

Stay tuned, dear friends...
and Merry Christmas :)

Exciting News!

Hi friends! 

So, I've updated my website to reflect some of the changes that will be taking place closer to my memoir's publication date. I've also put up a detailed synopsis of the book, and will eventually be posting a few sample chapters as well! 

My most important news - I am so excited to finally announce the publication date of my book!

By March 2015, less than six months from now, Scared to Life will be published! 

I've often called this book an "excruciating labor of love" because I've never worked so hard for so long, felt more frustrated, or more deeply in love with any other endeavor my entire life. And now here we are. I'm making the final, yet most significant finishing touches on my book and then it will be on Amazon... and Barnes and Noble, in living rooms and on trains, on Nooks and Kindles. It will finally be out there. And after four years, I feel it's finally ready. 

It's incredible to think only three short months ago, I was so overwhelmed with all the possibilities of publication with no clue where to start. But it's all coming together, and it's coming together fast. The biggest decision I've made has been to self-publish. There are many options out there when it comes to unleashing a manuscript out into the world, which is wonderful because there are many reasons to write a book. 

I, however, wrote this book out of sheer passion and thankfully wrote it while working in a career that I love. I do not need an advance from a publisher and the last thing I wanted to do was wait 2-3 years (average publishing time with a traditional publisher) OR sell the rights to my book. By self-publishing, I own the rights, I say what goes and how. This is huge. 

This decision, however, has also made publishing a MASSIVE undertaking, one that is proving to be an incredible experience where I'm learning over and over again about patience and perseverance. There have been many times I've felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to give up, but just like writing the book, I eventually had to take a deep breath.. and keep moving.

I have been working with an incredibly talented graphic designer on my cover, which besides the actual writing of the book, may be the most crucial aspect of the book's success. I've also hired a professional copyeditor for final polishing before publication. In the next couple months, I need to create my own LLC, copyright my book, find a proofreader, hire an interior designer, buy ISBN (barcode) numbers, have professional headshots taken and format the book for Kindles, Nooks, Apples and more. 

*Whew 

One day at a time, one list after the next, this book will be released into the world. And the due date is right around the corner.

Thank you so much for following my journey, for your words of encouragement and most importantly, for your support. I will continue to update you as things progress, and I look forward to hearing from you. I hope you'll join me in celebrating the publication of Scared to Life, when dream becomes reality, March 2015.

A Little Story About Fate...

“Jillian, they’ve given the job to someone else.”

I’m not really sure what happened in the moments following; all I could feel was my heart roaring in protest as my entire life became blurry at the edges. The weight of it all caused my head to drop suddenly into the palms of my hands while I reminded myself to breathe. I hear her frustrated sigh through the speakers of my computer, followed by concerned pleadings to “say something”.

All I could mutter was, “My entire life has just changed…”

I start to cry. Thankfully it was a somewhat quiet cry, not one to cause any serious scenes but probably enough to make the fellow patrons uncomfortable. But this doesn’t faze me. It also won’t be the last time in the next 24 hours that I cry in the middle of that same ocean-side café, for the same grief-stricken reason; that I have just had my entire “planned” life slip out from underneath me before I’ve even had a chance to brace myself.

That was my job. That was my life. I knew it, I’d actually been waiting for it to open for over a year at that point. It was the only job I’d ever loved. And just like that, it was gone again.

Fear slithers in from behind my tears, whispering on repeat, “What will happen to me now?” I had always “known” that at the end of this yellow brick road called, “New Zealand” that I’d be going to a good job and a good home, close to my family. When it all disappeared, I had to start building my dreams again from scratch.

There was so much risk involved with staying in New Zealand; so much paperwork, so much money. And at the end of it all, there was a giant question mark. Will I be able to get my dental license here? Will I find a decent job, or a job at all? And after all that, will I find a job that will sponsor me to stay??

The funny thing is, through all the fear and the questions, I couldn’t forget all the days and months living here where I knew I didn’t really want to leave. I felt strongly that I belonged here. I also knew that should I decide to stay, everything would work out perfectly. I asked God over and over again to “make it obvious”, knowing that despite that fact that my heart pulled so strongly on me to stay, I would have left for the stable job and 401K.

So my prayers were answered. I sat in the sun at that café surrounded by strangers, and I cried. I cried and I didn’t care who was watching. High up on a cliff overlooking a beautifully sunny day, I sat wiping my tears and looked out at my new life. Despite the fact that I had already been sitting at that café for hours before the phone call, what I saw before me was a completely new world altogether. So I’m staying… I’m staying in New Zealand…

And then I thought back to everything that has lead me here and knew that what had just happened was always meant to happen. I was always meant to go to New Zealand, and I was always meant to stay.

Over a year prior to that day, I went to Central America. I had finally calmed my inner heartache, I was settled and about to paint my walls. This was a big deal. I’ve never painted my walls before, I’ve never been in a place long enough to care.

On my way home, our plane to Texas was re-routed because of a massive storm. When finally arriving hours later, the airport was a chaotic mess from all the re-routed planes and missed flights. I sat in line for over an hour and when finally speaking to the irritated and exhausted customer service representative, was presented with a choice; be first in line on standby for a flight in 1 ½ hours, almost guaranteeing me a spot OR, be 5th in line on standby for a flight in 30 minutes, where I may or may not get a spot, and risk losing my seat for the “guaranteed” flight. I risked it.

I ended up getting the very last seat on the plane, in the very last row, next to a woman named Buddy. Buddy and I end up talking for hours and by the time I walked off that flight, I knew I was going to New Zealand, a thought that hadn’t even occurred to me prior to boarding.

A couple months later, I was setting all my plans and telling loved ones I was heading out into the word again. It would take me a little over a year to save, until the spring of 2014, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I figured my budget and planned every dollar so that I could go as soon as possible.

And then I found out about the job opening. It would become available around the spring of 2014, exactly when I was planning on leaving for New Zealand. Someone was going to retire. For years they had promised me a job, “should there ever be an opening.” This was my chance. What was I going to do? I have waited my entire adult life to find a job that fit like this one. It just doesn’t happen often.

After much deliberation, I decided it would be best to chose the job. Yes, New Zealand was a once-in-a-lifetime… but so was finding a job I loved. And I just wasn’t willing to take the risk.

So I let New Zealand go.

Fast-forward a couple months on a normal Wednesday afternoon. There came a phone call from Chicago, with a temporary job assignment for three months at a hospital that was almost double my current wage. I knew this was my chance. If I moved into a cheap room, sold my car, worked two jobs and saved every penny, I would have enough in three months to go to New Zealand for six months and still get my “dream job” in the spring. I jumped at the opportunity, packed up my entire life, and moved two weeks later.

And the rest, I suppose, is history. I left three months later, with famous last words of, “I’ll see you in six months!” That was almost a year ago. I arrived in New Zealand with no expectations and found when arriving that I was effortlessly happy for the first time in my life. And then I watched the one opportunity that would make me leave, disappear.

So I head to Wellington, New Zealand’s capital city. I spend months and thousands of dollars getting my international dental hygiene license and a sponsored “Essential Skills” Work Visa. I find an amazing office that reminds me so much of the job I “lost”, an office I love and loves me in return. I once again enjoy going to work every day, and they tell me how lucky they are to have me. But I’m only there one day a week; I am a major dental corporation’s “Regional Hygienist” that is giving me experience across five different offices. It’s an amazing opportunity but a demanding one that I’d probably wouldn’t stay in for longer than a year.

So you can imagine my elation when my New Zealand “dream job” offers me their full-time Lead Hygienist role because their current Lead Hygienist who has been there for 15 years… is retiring.

Amazing.

Last spring, when I initially found out I didn’t get the job back home, I went for a long walk along the ocean. I remember every single detail of that walk as I pondered my destiny and felt that deep instinctual reassurance that I was exactly where I was meant to be. I remember the ocean water lapping against my feet, I remember the hot, late-afternoon sun kissing my face, and I remember the wet sand underneath my feet.

It was the sand I remember most. I remember feeling every step sink deep into the ground, more than I’ve ever experienced before. There was something very significant about those very first steps I took in this new life of mine. And then I remembered. I remembered a journal I wrote almost three years prior after returning home from my last world trip, a journal that a very sad and lost version of me penned during a very sad and lost time in my life.

“This life is not meant for me. So have it I will not. I will fight until I find the soles of my feat treading deeper grounds, grounds so soft I seem to melt into them, grounds so foreign yet so familiar I can’t help but feel I’ve finally found where I belong. I will follow my soul until I find the life that fits. It’s just taking a little longer, because that life hasn’t been built yet. I will make this life what it was always meant to be.”

I don’t know where this road may lead or how long I’ll stay. All I know is in this moment, I’m exactly where I am meant to be, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am living my destiny. 

***

Never give up, and never allow your thoughts to limit your eventual reality. Because at one point, everything, including you, was just a dream.