Peter David's Blog, page 51

Online Shoplifting, continued

Originally published April 20, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1431

Well, this has been interesting. Since my earlier column talking about net thievery and Harlan Ellison’s fight against same, I’m pleased to say that the majority of feedback I’ve received on it has been quite positive. At the very least, folks seem to be understanding why the current electronic assault on copyright is A Bad Thing. Some of the emails, however, have gone in some interesting directions. The first is from S. Drescher in Austin, Texas:

In your column in CBG #1428, you ended with the statement that “right is still right, and wrong is still wrong”. I take it that you feel that it is right to misrepresent what the encoding on DVDs does? CSS doesn’t protect DVDs from being copied–anyone with the right equipment can make an exact duplicate of an encoded DVD, which can be played just like the original, just like a copy of an encoded paper document can be made and then decoded just like the original.

What CSS does do is to control how consumers can watch DVDs which they have purchased. Imagine if you purchased a book which could be read in the United States, but is unreadable if you take it to Germany, or could be read under incandescent light bulbs but not under fluorescent bulbs? That’s what CSS does. If you purchase DVDs in the United States, and move to Germany, you’ll have to purchase another copy of most of your DVDs if you want to watch them there–not because the DVDs are worn out, but because CSS will prevent them from playing on German DVD players. And if you want to use the DVD drive you purchased to watch the DVDs you purchased under the Linux operating system, forget it, because CSS ensures that only software companies that have paid the appropriate kickbacks to the DVD CCA can play the DVDs, and that software was only available for Windows and MacOS. For some silly reason, some people felt that they should be able to play the DVDs which they had paid for, and the only way to do that was to crack the encoding.

I neither upload nor download pirated audio, video, or text, but as long as the DVD CCA insists upon controlling where and upon what equipment DVDs can be viewed, I won’t be watching any DVDs. I hope that in the future I can depend upon your honesty to refrain from repeating the myth that DVD encoding is intended to protect the contents, when it is truly intended to control the consumer.

All I know in regards to the encoding and duplication of DVDs is what I read in the newspapers, and they basically presented it as simply an anti-duplication code. It’s really more of a side issue to what I was really talking about, namely that no matter how many built in safeguards one produces to prevent copying, someone, somehow, will crack it.

That said, I gotta tell you, I understand your being torqued on this matter. My guess is that variation in DVD playability (not to mention VHS playability) extends from copyright concerns, release dates in various countries, and other legal concerns. But man, it bugs me as well. For years the only reason I was able to have Return to Oz and Song of the South on laserdisc was because I obtained Japanese editions. Nothing was being stolen from anyone or infringed upon as far as I was concerned: I paid for them fair and square, including the pricey import costs. It’s bad enough they’re coming out with new DVDs in America that older players won’t play; but if you buy DVDs on the up-and-up from aboard, it bites the big one that they don’t play here. (Although for what it’s worth, Pioneer finally agreed to give me a free upgrade on my DVD player.)

In any event, I appreciate the clarification, and although I’m not intending to boycott DVDs (it’s not practical; laserdiscs are being phased out and I sure ain’t going back to videotape) I certainly feel your pain.

And then there’s the following letter from P. Darcy (actually, two letters, the initial and a follow-up, which I’ve edited together):

I feel that the issue that you wrote about is not quite (as) black and white as Mister Ellison believes. I should also say that I am a Napster user, but I have never and would never download an entire book. The library is up the street. Which leads to my main question: When is it stealing?

If I buy the latest issue of Captain Marvel (BTW, I enjoy and am really looking forward to the Starlin issues), I read it and then lend it to my friend, did I steal from you? What if I sell it on eBay for $1 or $100? Did I steal from you, or Marvel, or Jim Hanley’s Universe? Since comics and sci-fi are considered collectibles, there will always be a resale market. Hasn’t the internet just opened up a new mechanism for delivery?

It’s my belief that the original online “sharers” of the books, music, whatever, were probably a close-knit group of friends and/or fans trying to expose each other to other works. For sci-fi books, it may be that the book is out-of-print, and the potential buyer may want to get a copy. Is it stealing from the creator if he/she downloads the book as opposed to buying it at a used bookstore, where the creator gets no piece of the pie?

I thank you for the perspective that you provided in your column. I don’t want to be thief, so I will stop downloading songs. But I would like to know if you think that there is a line between stealing and sharing and where it may lie.

Quest Communications even has a not-so-farfetched commercial where a guy goes into a dingy bar with one beer on tap and only peanuts for food, but he has access “to every song ever recorded by every artist, ever”.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I do remember this from my graduate MBA communications classes. Every time there has been a new introduction of technology, there has been the screams of bloody murder from “content providers.”

Movies were to be the death of theater.

Radio was to be the death of newspapers.

TV was initially to be the death of radio (and eventually the movies.)

Cable was to be the death of broadcast TV.

The VCR was to be the death of the movie industry (they did not want them to be able to record).

In each instance, the existing technology had to have an adjustment period, while the new technology found its niche. Perhaps what will happen in the not so distant future is that a regulatory body will be established, not unlike the FCC, to govern and lay ground rules.

Thanks for your time. I know that I’ll continue to enjoy your “stuff” and will GLADLY pay for it.

You raise a couple of interesting points definitely worth addressing.

If you lend out your one copy of a book, there’s only one copy to go out, and (theoretically, at least) it has to be returned. Same deal with a library. Neither of these activities is going to have an impact on the bookshop down the street. But now picture if you will a library that opens up which has infinite copies of every book. And once the book is removed from the library, it never, ever has to be returned. It becomes the property of the person who took it out. How long do you think the bookshop is going to last?

Don’t believe me? Look at the real world. If you run a small, independent bookshop, and a Borders opens down the street, the odds are that you’re going to be kissing your business goodbye. You simply can’t compete with the massive availability and range of services the Borders offers. But at least Borders is still generating income for writers and publishers. Now imagine that down the street from Borders opens a store—Interstore—that has everything Borders provides, plus it’s all for free. Borders is pretty much screwed. The downside is that Interstore doesn’t generate so much as a penny for writers and publishers, but hey, that’s not your problem, right? You’re just the customer, and heck, information should be free (or so the chant goes). Except it becomes your problem when the writers can’t make a living at their craft, and the publishers go out of business.

If you want to lend out your copy of Captain Marvel, go right ahead. It’s your book, you paid for it, and on the one-to-one basis that such loan-outs involve, you’re not doing anyone any damage. If you can get big bucks for it on ebay, God bless you, knock yourself out. That’s hardly going to bring entropy to Jim Hanley’s Universe. But the kind of one-to-one interaction you’re talking about is simply not comparable to a Napster or a webpage theft of a manuscript, which thousands of people can seek out simultaneously, all of them download at their whim, for keeps, and engage in this practice in lieu of supporting the artists who produced it.

Artists, writers, musicians, don’t have wealthy patrons anymore, outside of corporate grants and government sponsorship, and there’s always someone advocating that government has no business supporting the arts (sooner or later enough people will believe that, at which point say good-bye to PBS.) They need the support of, as PBS says, “people like you.” But if people like you are engaging in routine and widespread downloading of that which once provided the bread and butter of the artist’s life, then you’re participating in a practice that can, and will, drive people and publishers out of the field.

As for the predictions of gloom-and-doom that you listed above, all of which purportedly turned out to be merely alarmist, the quick answer is that virtually none of them—with the exception of videotapes—had a thing to do with copyright infringement. But let’s take a quick look at the list:

Movies were to be the death of theater? They haven’t exactly helped. Once upon a time, the stage was a source of dramatic ingenuity, daring and reinvention of the form. But now, rather than stage new and original shows, producers are rehashing movies in order to open with a guaranteed audience: The Lion King, Saturday Night Fever, Footloose, The Producers, the proposed Jailhouse Rock. And when movies are made of shows that are still running, the movie invariably kills box office.

Radio was to be the death of Newspapers? Since the advent of radio (and TV news), newspapers have shrunk in quantity and quality. Hundreds of once-great newspapers have folded as more and more people get their news from sound bites off TV and radio. New York City once had nearly a dozen major newspapers; it’s now down to three (two if you don’t count the Post.)

TV was initially to be the death of Radio (and eventually the movies.) TV did kill radio. Once upon a time, radio was the home of the greatest entertainment available. Variety hours, dramas, mysteries, westerns, sporting events. Go watch Woody Allen’s Radio Days to get a feel of what it was like back then. The pathetic thing that sits in your car dashboard or wakes you up in the morning pales in comparison.

Cable was to be the death of broadcast TV. Too soon to tell.

The VCR was to be the death of the movie industry (they did not want them to be able to record). Producers underestimated the power that a big screen still has to offer in terms of storytelling, not to mention that the movies remain a good place to go on a date. But it wound up skewing movies to appeal to those audiences: Lovers of spectacle that will look crappy shrunk to a small screen, or teens looking for a date movie. And again, it’s too soon to tell the full ramifications of these changes.

Just because a change doesn’t incur the ultimate penalty—the demise of a form—doesn’t mean that it doesn’t wind up having some sort of negative impact. The degree of that impact depends upon just how dramatic the change. And believe me when I say that wholesale theft with worldwide, instantaneous availability, is extremely dramatic. Just as dramatic is the need to protect the interests of those who created the work, which is why I again urge both fans and, particularly, people in the creative community, to support Ellison in his court case.

As for the question of why shouldn’t out-of-print books be available for free on the internet: Howling Mad, one of my early novels, went out of print some years ago. Penguin Putnam, the publisher, brought it back into print about a year ago. That generates income for me. But if the book were available for free to anyone who wanted it off the internet, to a sufficient degree that no one was going to bother buying the book when it was reissued, how likely would the publisher have been to reprint it? Not very. And the income internet distribution would have netted me? Zip. That’s why it’s called copyright “protection.” It’s designed to protect writers from exactly this sort of situation.

Will internet theft cause the death of creative endeavors as we know them? Too soon to tell, I suppose. But it sure may send the patient into life support.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)

 

Florida MegaCon 2001, continued and continued…

Originally published April 13, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1430

Continuing fun and frolic at the Florida MegaCon in March…

Bill Mumy brought the convention program book over to me as I sat at my table and, looking perturbed, said, “According to your biography, you and I co-created Crusade.”

I blinked at him, giving my best deer-in-the-headlights impression. “What?” I said, displaying my customary ability to cut past subtlety and go straight for the obvious.

“That’s what your bio says,” he said—and handed it to me.

Now, just for the record, there’s a section of my standard convention biography that reads as follows:

Peter is the co-creator, with popular science-fiction icon Bill Mumy (of Lost in Space and Babylon 5 fame) of the Cable Ace Award-nominated science-fiction series Space Cases, which ran for two seasons on Nickelodeon. He has also written several scripts for the Hugo-Award-winning TV series Babylon 5 and the sequel series, Crusade…

I’m not entirely sure what happened. I don’t know whether lines somehow dropped out in the transmission, when I emailed my bio or someone simply lost of couple of lines of type when pasting the program book together or what sort of mishap caused it. All I knew was that my bio in the program book read as follows:

Peter is the co-creator, with popular science-fiction icon Bill Mumy (of Lost in Space and Babylon 5 fame) of the Cable Ace Award-nominated science-fiction series Crusade…

Mumy wasn’t the only one to bring it to my attention. Several fans also said to me, with earnest confusion, “I didn’t know you co-created Crusade.” This is, of course, how rumors start. The last rumor to come out of MegaCon was a few years ago, when fans reported that I was attending the convention with my under-age mistress in tow (the “under-age mistress” in question being my sister, Beth, who not only wasn’t my mistress [neither of us being major fans of Greek tragedy] but was also pushing 30 at the time and so was hardly under-age.)

This year I was attending with all three daughters and Kathleen, whom the girls have taken to referring to in stentorian tones as “The Wife… of the Fuuuturre!” as if they were narrating 1950s news footage about a new robot kitchen appliance. So I wasn’t concerned that rumors about my personal life were going to be forthcoming. But here was something brand new: “Hey, didja hear? Peter David was going around at MegaCon claiming he created Crusade. I hear he did it just to annoy Straczynski.” Admit it: You can just hear fans saying it. I wound up emailing Joe about it. Joe was sanguine about the mix-up; he seemed cheered because, he sardonically claimed, he could now blame me for creating a spinoff that didn’t last.

Friday evening was the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund karaoke, For $20, you could request the comics pro of your choice to go up to the mike and serenade the crowd. A little-known aspect of this was that for $40, people could request that I be kept away from the microphone for half an hour at a time. This, however, was insufficiently publicized, so I kept making an idiot of myself voluntarily throughout the night, except for once when Paul Jenkins forked over 20 bucks to compel me, and I wound up serenading Kathleen with “Can’t Help Fallin’ in Love with You.” Paul then got up and did a blistering (and fairly practiced, I suspect) rendition of “Mack the Knife,” dropping that phony-sounding British accent he’s always putting on. Of course the vocalizing star of the night remained George Pérez, including his requested rendition of “Summer Lovin’” from Grease.

But as fundraisers go, karaoke night couldn’t begin to touch the art auction the following night for ACTOR, the fund created to provide financial support for comics artists in their senior years. I gotta say, I was flabbergasted. I’ve done CBLDF auctions at various conventions, and some of the audiences we get, they sit so tightly on their hands that you’d think we were trying to cram Styrofoam packing chips up their rectums. This ACTOR thing, though—I don’t know whether it was the crowd or the cause or what, but I sat there picking my jaw off the floor, as bidders were practically throwing money at auctioneers Jim McLauchlin and Mark Waid.

While we browbeat people to go from $30 for $40, here bidders were leapfrogging $300 to $400 in a heartbeat. Some of the biggest-buck items included a beautiful Tarzan rendering by Joe Kubert at $2,500 (which was more than pieces by both his sons went for combined, so the old man sure showed those young whippersnappers), George Pérez’ promo illo for the JLA-Avengers team-up bringing in $4,100, and a Joseph Michael Linsner Dawn portrait fetched a cool six grand. All in all, the auction grossed $71,250. Which, of course, leaves me with the question: Where the hell are all these people when I’m beating the drums for the CBLDF?

We’ve simply got to start getting cooler stuff for our auctions.

In the dealer’s room, I found a retailer who was selling the exact James Bond attaché case I had had when I was a kid… the case which provided the recollections and mindset I drew upon when scripting Spyboy. But it was $300. I just couldn’t bring myself to spend $300 on a toy to relive my childhood. It was still cool-looking, though, although, curiously, it was a lot smaller than I remembered it.

Sunday night we ventured to the Adventurer’s Club and stayed until well after midnight. When you remain that late, things tend to get kind of whacked. At one point one of the “members,” Emil, was trying to perform a demented song about toast, and a buxom co-ed who’d had waaaaay too much to drink wanted to grab the microphone and start singing her own tunes. Despite the audience interaction of the AC, it’s still ultimately a show with actors, and the actors sometimes get cues.

In this instance I noticed a cue being sent to Emil from a guy whom I took (correctly, it turned out) to be the manager: a throat-cutting gesture that basically signaled the actor, No way in hell do you let this girl take the mike. God only knew what the soused sweetheart of Sigma Chi might have started saying, and there were kids present, after all. Fortunately, Emil managed to talk her into simply participating with his song, her participation being limited to bouncing up and down for the duration of the ditty. She did not appear to be wearing a bra, and she was damned lucky she didn’t give herself a black eye. It was all in a typical evening for the cast of the Adventurer’s Club. (It’s a place shockingly bereft of cool merchandise, I must point out. No shirts, no jackets, no nothin’. A horrifying lapse. Usually Disney’s money-making instincts are quite keen; how it missed the opportunity here, I’ve no idea.)

And then, the next day, things began to go slightly haywire—because we learned that our Sunday flight home had been canceled. Weathermen had been predicting a gargantuan storm front moving in from damned near every direction, and consequently airlines had been canceling flights right and left. As it turned out, the much-predicted two to three feet of white stuff turned out to be more like two to three inches, if that, but by then the damage was done. With several days’ worth of flights canceled, we weren’t able to get a flight home until the end of the week.

Now, make no mistake: It wasn’t as if we were stuck in the ninth circle of Hell. If you’re going to be stranded somewhere, there’s tons worse places than Orlando.

Monday, while Ariel and Kathleen went to SeaWorld, Shana and I hit the Florida State Fair. When one lives in urban and suburban areas for as long as I have, one forgets what life is like in—well, in every state that voted for Bush, I guess. We were captivated by it. Over here was a whole organization of parents who home-school their kids, putting on a talent show, while little kids sat in the front row and played with pet chickens. Over there you could have your picture taken with an alligator. And on the main stage was a male-female vocalizing team who seemed to have stepped straight off Saturday Night Live: The guy, making Bill Murray’s lounge singer look like Sammy Davis Jr., sang everything exactly the same, whether it was the blues or the BeeGees, while the woman accompanying him played keyboard badly and attempted to harmonize but failed. But the mostly senior-citizen audience applauded with as much enthusiasm as if they were watching Vegas headliners.

We also took in Cirque de Soleil on Monday night, and that was seriously cool. Going to see Cirque is like dropping acid and then watching a solid 90 minutes of the most bizarre circus acts that ever appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show. You just sit there saying, “Whoooaaa… duuuuude…” Ariel was absolutely captivated by four little Asian girls who did stunning tricks with what I can only describe as two-handed yo-yos.

Tuesday night we went to a mystery dinner theater called “Sleuths,” where a murder mystery is played out for you while you eat a surprisingly good meal. The place was absolutely packed, and I managed to work out a considerable portion of the mystery—and still got it wrong, which torqued me tremendously, because I thought my solution made more sense than what they had. Either that or I’m just a sore loser. Or both.

Wednesday we hit Universal and had a bizarre bit of bad luck that turned into good luck. One of the first rides we wanted to do was Twister. Except we arrived only to discover that it was out of order. So there we were, a bummed-out-looking family, if there ever was one, and a guy who worked at the park in the capacity of customer relations said, “Are there any other rides you’re interested in going on?” In short order, to our astonishment, he escorted us onto some of the most popular and high-volume attractions in the place (including the absolutely killer Men in Black ride), walking us past massive lines and through staff-only doors, easily saving us 45 minutes to an hour wait time on each ride. We were flabbergasted. People were gaping at us, getting this first-class treatment, wondering who the hell we were. Egomaniac that I am, I thought it was because he recognized me, but no. Universal simply provides this kind of personal service that I can only surmise is aimed at families who look like their vacation isn’t going the way they’d hoped. This guy’s job is to spend the whole day going around and taking families on rides at the park. Nice work if you can get it.

Thursday was Disney/MGM, but by that point we were anxious to get home, not to mention nervous. We didn’t want the girls missing any more school, or Kathleen or I any more work. Fortunately enough, however, by this time the non-existent snowstorm had subsided and the convention that wouldn’t end finally ended. I came home, logged on to AOL, and discovered that my AOL folder had accrued over twelve hundred messages in my absence.

I don’t think I can afford to leave home again for any extended period.

Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., P.O. Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.

 

Here’s what most concerns me about Robin Williams

There’s nothing I can say that can compare to the mourning expressed by those who knew him. Me, I was simply an audience member watching his ascent with everyone else, marveling at his wit and talent.

What concerns me is the notion that some religious right fanatics are going to declare that he’s burning in Hell because he killed himself and try to picket his funeral.

On behalf of America, may I ask all you idiots to, for once, shut the hell up.

PAD

Florida MegaCon 2001

Originally published April 6, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1429

Fun and frolic at this year’s Florida Megacon, which turned—rather unexpectedly—into my personal convention that simply would not end.

What with one thing and another, I wound up bringing my entire family down for this Orlando-based convention. Why not? It’s Orlando. There’s plenty to see and do outside of the confines of the convention. And this was going to be a nice opportunity for all concerned. During the day, Kathleen and Shana would take Ariel off to fun locales such as Disneyworld, Universal Studios, and SeaWorld (Gwen, as of Saturday AM, was going to be off visiting a friend in West Palm Beach), while I stayed at the convention and signed comic books until my hand fell off. Sounded like a plan.

This year they had me set up at a table in artist’s alley. I was extremely fortunate in having several talented (and consequently high-traffic) artists to either side of me. To the left were the Romita boys, John Senior and John Junior. JR Jr’s work on Incredible Hulk looks to be some of his best yet. To my right was Joseph Michael Linsner of the popular Cry for Dawn. And of course, in the middle there was me, with bewildered fans coming up and saying, “Why are you over here? You’re not an artist.” Thank God there’s never a risk of my not knowing my place.

Positioned one aisle over was Leonard Kirk, one half of the Kirk/Robin Riggs art team on on Supergirl. Leonard gave me photocopies of his pencils for upcoming issues of the title, and in looking them over, it only puzzled me further as to why Leonard is not a fan favorite hot-artist, but also why he’s not winning awards right and left. Not only is his story-telling impeccable; not only does he stick with a book month in, month out (for nearly four years now); but the range of expression he conveys is just staggering. My favorite moment in the material he shows me is one which depicts a concussed Supergirl bemusedly walking through an ER and leaving havoc and destruction in her way… all the while displaying these loopy and confused expressions. Somebody put him up for best penciller, or Robin and him up for best art team, or talent most deserving of wider recognition… something.

Several aisles over were all the surviving members of the cast of Lost in Space, including my frequent collaborator Bill Mumy. But considering our conflicting schedules, for all the time that I had to go and chat with him and the others, they might as well have had their table in Istanbul.

I did, however, wind up running into several of the actors from Pleasure Island’s Adventurer’s Club, guys who had been part of the cast the night that I proposed (through means of “the Colonel,” an exceptionally life-like puppet residing in the upper balcony of the Club). I’ll mention them only by their character names here—Fletcher and Emil—because the last thing they need is wiseacres coming up to them at the Club and addressing them by their real names. Fletcher told me something that completely stunned me, although in retrospect I’m not sure why I should have been so surprised.

When I first hatched the idea to stage the proposal at the Club, I was referred to the Disney Engagement Office. Yes, they have an entire office that arranges engagement “packages” in the park. Except their specialty, I learned, was proposals staged at King Stefan’s Dining Hall, the restaurant situated at the castle in the Magic Kingdom. There was no package for the Adventurer’s Club. So I made contact directly with the AC management, wrote a script for the Colonel, and things proceeded (miraculously) according to plan. Ours wasn’t the first engagement at the Club, but it was certainly the most elaborate and the first one to enlist the cast in such a carefully orchestrated manner.

Well, turns out the success of our endeavors did not escape the notice of the Disney Marketing folks. The proposal, the method through which it was done, and the subsequent response and attention it got (they covered it in Locus, for crying out loud) set off bells in the ears—and dollars signs in the eyes—of Disney. So now any guys who want to pop the question to their intended in the same manner I did can do so with a lot less effort than I had to go through: It’s now one of the engagement packages obtainable through Disney. However, when I did it, it didn’t cost me a dime because basically I put the concept together, and the souvenir t-shirts and champagne they gave us was all on the house just because they got such a kick out of it. You guys, it’ll run between $250 to $300. And no, they’re not using my script, because you can bet if they were, my agent would be in touch.

While I was learning all this, the girls were settling into the hotel—the Sheraton International—for the evening, and Ariel decided she wanted to use Spectravision (or whatever the service is called) to order up a movie to the room. What movie? Why, what would any nine year old girl who just started Kung Fu lessons want to see but Charlie’s Angels, of course. So Shana and Gwen stood by as their little sister deftly manipulated the remote control with the intention of watching Drew, Lucy and Cameron kick butt.

She saw butt, alright, but it wasn’t being kicked.

To the horror of her sisters (well, Shana was horrified; Gwen was dourly amused) onto the screen came the opening scenes of a film called Angela’s Playroom. No, it was not a sequel to Angela’s Ashes. It was porn. Solid, hardcore, porn, and Angela was apparently a very naughty girl. As a perplexed Ariel stared uncomprehendingly at the TV, Shana shrieked and threw herself across the screen as if leaping onto a hand grenade to take one for the troop. “Go into the bathroom!” she ordered.

“Is this Charlie’s Angels?” inquired Ariel, who had seen the film in the theaters and was reasonably sure that no one was naked and doing strange things in the opening minutes.

“No! Go to the bathroom!”

“But I just went a few minutes ago,” Ariel pointed out, having displayed admirable forethought lest her bladder force her to miss a moment of karate-kicking action.

“Go in there and close the door until I tell you to come out!”

Making an impatient, huffing noise, Ariel stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door. Shana and Gwen, in the meantime, went back to the menu, accessed “Family Fare,” and tried to get Rugrats in Paris. What’d they get? Angela’s Playroom. Shana immediately called the front desk and within five minutes, a technician was in the room. He tried to order up Gone in 60 Seconds. You guessed it. Angela’s Playroom. He sat there and stared it for five minutes while Ariel made her displeasure known from the bathroom. Then the technician, clearly a graduate of one of those schools who have their application forms on matchbook covers, made the impressive observation, “This is porn.”

“We know that,” said Shana. When he continued to watch it, spellbound, Shana said, “Fix it!”

“I’m going to have to go to the central computer,” he said, tearing himself away from the screen. And off he went. A half hour later, they tried to order Charlie’s Angels. Yup. Angela’s Playroom. Back went Ariel to the bathroom, and up came a second technician. He tried to get an Aerobics Workout video. There was heavy breathing on the screen, all right, and a burn was being felt, but it had nothing to do with weight reduction. Having apparently just come back from a Mensa meeting, he said, “This is porn.”

“We know that! Fix it!” Shana told him. In the bathroom, Ariel had filled the sink with water and was throwing a little plastic killer whale into it as hard as she could so it would splash and she could pretend she was at SeaWorld.

And off went technician number two to the central computer. Neither he nor his predecessor was ever heard from again, the TV was never repaired, and eventually the girls switched rooms, although they almost forgot to bring Ariel who apparently thought that she was going to be spending the balance of the convention in the bathroom.

In the meantime, the storm that was going to strand us in Florida for a week was moving toward the Northeast…

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at To Be Continued, PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)

 

Online Shoplifting

Originally published March 30, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1428

There are always excuses for theft. Always. In fact, let’s trot some of them out, shall we?

1)     “They plan for it.” A very popular one among shoplifters, it goes to the notion that shop-owners expect to lose a certain portion of their stock to people who feel no need to stop by the cash register on the way out. So thieves figure that shoplifting is kind of a cost of doing business. This transforms shoplifting into sort of a civic responsibility, or maybe even simply categorizing it as part of the natural order of things.

2)     “The stuff’s overpriced anyway.” Here the thief is an avenger for the common man. He realizes that those nasty manufacturers have inflated the price beyond anything that any reasonable person should have to pay. As for the retailers, why… they’re participating in the scam, profiteering by actually charging the outrageous suggested retail prices, all for the scandalous purpose of trying to make their business succeed at a time when eighty percent of all small businesses fail in their first year. The thief, however, knows better. He refuses to be hosed or dictated to. Granted, other people may be unwilling to fly in the face of the law, but the thief has the guts to stand up for what’s right. Perhaps he’ll even lead the way, set an example for those who don’t quite yet have the courage to live outside of the ridiculous prices desired by the manufacturers.

3)     “Everybody’s doing it.” A very popular, all-purpose excuse. In this scenario, instead of standing out from the crowd, the thief opts for going with the flow. This is the most prominent excuse touted by participants in Napster: namely that the practice is so prevalent, so common place, that its sheer frequency somehow makes it all right… like dumping popcorn containers on the floor of theaters, or swiping TV sets out of store windows during riot situations. There is a sort of immunity when one imagines that one is an anonymous part of a crowd. Indeed, anonymity makes one brave in all manner of situations. One need look no further than the Internet, where people fabricate identities for themselves and practice all manner of behavior that they would never dream of engaging in face to face, or if their real name and public standing were on the line. This is a country which subscribes to principles founded by men who signed a death warrant called the Declaration of Independence. As was pointed out on my AOL folder, the Declaration would have had significantly less impact if the Founding Fathers had affixed names like “FuzzyBunny” or “PowerMad472.”

4)     “Because I can.” An interesting moral bankruptcy in this attitude. The “Because I can” thief tacitly acknowledges that what he’s doing is against the law or hurtful. But because he believes that he can accomplish his task without having to own up to, or pay, any consequences, that somehow makes it all right. Kind of like a daredevil jumping a motorcycle across ten trucks or a canyon. It doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense, and it’s risky, or dangerous, but none of that compares to the sheer thrill of doing something that other people wouldn’t want to tackle.

5)     “Everything should be shared.” The belief that there is no such thing as private property. That ownership is, in fact, evil. Or that if something exists, then it exists to be shared by everyone, and the very fact that someone would try to make money off something that should be accessible to all means that the owner or seller of the item is—in fact—the one who is on morally shaky ground. The thief is the liberator, the force of nature. No one should be prevented from enjoying something enjoyed by others, simply because he’s not fortunate enough to have the money to purchase it. So the thief, see, he isn’t doing it for himself. He’s doing it for others.

6)     “No one is being hurt. In fact… we’re helping.” Another very popular refrain, not only from Napster, but pretty much from anyone on the internet who decides to ignore trivialities such as copyright protection and opts instead to make copyrighted material available to all without the copyright owner making a nickel off it. Napster, we are told, is actually helping music sales. This despite the fact that record stores in college towns report nosedives in sales while students candidly state that they’re downloading the songs for free. As for the printed word, forget it. If you’ve got a scanner and some patience, why, you can “help” authors by spreading their work around to everyone and anyone, free of charge, thereby “widening” the audience for their work.

Lemme tell you something, kids: A little more help like that, I’ll be out of business. Sales of books is a patchy enough industry as it is. A staggeringly small percentage of the buying public is responsible for a staggeringly high percentage of books sold. Which means that not a lot of people need to stop buying books in order for the publishing industry to take a major hit.

Look at DVDs. They’ve got this whole encoding thing to protect the contents, and that was cracked. Books don’t even have that, because words are words. Pages can be scanned or words can simply be retyped. One has to depend upon Americans for honesty… for refusing to participate in and support those who would steal money from those who produce creative works. Pull the other one.

I wrote a Star Trek novel called Imzadi. Even though it came out years ago, it continues to sell well. The denizens of a website called Psi-Phi named it the best Trek novel, ever. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that someone had decided to steal it. To try and make sure that folks wouldn’t need to spend dirty old money on it. How? By posting the entire novel, first word to last, on the Internet, capable of being downloaded by anyone who was so inclined.

Guys… I have three kids, and a wife on the way. I have bills, just like you. Is there anyone out there who feels for some reason that I don’t deserve to earn royalties off my work to help pay those bills and support my family? Someone whom I have so offended, so cheesed off, that they’d deny me the right to earn a living? Well, if you’re the one who took it upon himself to steal Imzadi and redistribute it, fancying yourself a cyber-Robin Hood, the answer is “yes.” If you’re someone who downloaded it for free rather than ponying up the cover price, the answer is also “yes.” The question is: Is that someone you’re comfortable being?

In my case, I had Pocket Books coming in, guns and lawyers blazing, shutting down the website to protect their property. But other writers don’t necessarily have publishers willing to make that time and investment. They don’t have someone willing to go the extra mile to fight for their interests. Absent that, they shrug and say, “Well… nothing to be done about it.”

Harlan Ellison isn’t big on shrugging and saying “Nothing to be done.” Elsewhere in this issue of CBG there is detailed coverage of Ellison’s battle against the computer corporations who support and make possible the anonymous, self-styled, “heroes” of the Internet who are stealing from the creative community. Unsurprisingly, the corporations are trying to sink him rather than take steps to protect creators who are being screwed. It’s a costly and difficult and costly and lengthy and costly legal proceeding.

I made an appeal to fans a couple months ago on behalf of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund and it brought it—well, not as much money as we need, but a decent amount. Now I’m putting out a call to writers, artists… anyone who is involved in a creative capacity and supports Ellison’s efforts to stop the current hemorrhaging status of this country’s copyright protections. Send money to support Ellison’s and Chris Valada’s Herculean efforts to protect creator’s rights.

Because however many excuses you come up with, right is still right and wrong is still wrong.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)

 

Seriously, dictionary? SERIOUSLY?

According to an article here, dictionaries are now listing “literally” as meaning the same thing as “figuratively” because of its common usage.

So let me understand this: There’s no point in trying to settle wagers anymore over what words mean by consulting the dictionary, because the dictionary is going to list meanings even if they’re wrong.

I’m sorry, I thought that dictionaries were supposed to be bastions of correct word usage, not simply recordings of things that people are too ignorant to use correctly.

PAD

BID Mailbag: Marvel’s Slashback program (continued)

Originally published March 23, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1427

Before we continue with retailer feedback regarding Marvel’s (possibly aborted) Slashback program, this just in:

Dan DeCarlo, creator–let me repeat that word, creator–of “Josie and the Pussycats,” soon to be a film for which he’ll likely get nothing, has been hospitalized with triple pneumonia. I never even heard of triple pneumonia before this.

One of Dan’s close friends opined, “I can’t help but think all the stress of the Archie business has helped weaken him.”

Hear that, Archie guys? You may have helped put an old man in the hospital, rather than give him a share of the money you’ve got coming in off his creation. Feeling proud? Feeling tough? Pat yourselves on the backs, blackball an employee of nearly half a century, and call it time well spent. Typical day at the offices of those fun providers of harmless Riverdale antics.

* * *

With the above example in this column of how a publisher has managed to endear itself to its public, let’s move on to Marvel and its ongoing love affair/dance of death with comic book retailers.

I will also make mention, before we go on, that yes, despite what I said a couple weeks back, Captain Marvel is indeed $2.50 rather than $2.25. Which undercuts the retailer assertion that a one month price cut of a mere twenty five cents won’t be noticed, because now we’re talking a cut of a less mere fifty cents. Would that register on customer radar? Hard to say. Let’s see what the retailers have to say. I will note that letters may be edited for space, profanity, or sadistic whim on my part.

Let’s start with C. Erbele at—you’ve gotta love this name—Wildpig Comics in Central New Jersey:

I am very much in favor of the “Slashback” program, not to mention any initiative that makes an effort to draw new readers to worthwhile titles. Considering the seemingly endless ascent of comic book prices (which only discourages new, younger readers from participating in the hobby), Marvel, or any company, should be encouraged to do whatever they can to relieve pressure on the consumer’s wallet.

While the incentive passed on to me is appreciated, the fact that Marvel acknowledges the need to encourage a growing readership, especially for its superior titles, is far more important. That being said, any store worth its salt makes every effort to give discounts to its regular customers, regardless of the cover price. Nobody “needs” comic books, so any retailer who doesn’t make every effort to cut a break to regular customers is only contributing to the decline in this industry. A solid reservation system, replete with discounts, is essential to any good comic book store.

Then there are the comments from Ray at Comics Galore in the heart of Chicagoland…

I would be one of the retailers that would be pro slashback program. I was very surprised to hear that the polled retailers opposed the program so much. I had no problem with the lower cover price. I think the program could have been a positive tool, if Marvel ran it properly. Marvel’s promotion for this program was nonexistent. No promo posters, no header cards and at least to my knowledge, no ads in the comics. 99% of my customers had no idea of the Slashback program until I told them about it or until they saw the signs that I personally made about the $1.99 Hulk & Avengers issues.

I do think Marvel is unfairly blaming retailers for the death of this program.

D. Seigler at Ground Zero Comics in Texas writes:

Any attempt to get more comics in front of people is a good thing (duh!). While I actually like either method (Slashback program VS an increased discount), I probably prefer the Slashback. If I am given an increased discount, I will probably not pass it on to the consumer, but rather take the extra profit and apply it to taking a chance on other titles. In my past experience, offering an extra discount on certain issues to customers has not worked very well.

For a number of years, I had a “Comic of the Week” program here where I drastically discounted the price on comics that I felt needed a push. It simply didn’t work for me. For the most part, very few extra people picked up the book and it didn’t justify my expense. I face a smaller version of the same problems that Marvel and DC face: My customers tell me that they want one thing, and their buying habits indicate that they want something else.

While I like the idea of “being the hero” and offering an extra discount on the issue (instead of the Slashback program), my customers are more likely to pick it up if they know that Marvel is the one offering the cutback in price, as they realize that it is a self contained story and perhaps a good jumping on point. Sad and confusing, but that has been my experience (don’t ask me to explain customers, I just serve ‘em as best I can).

You’ve heard of stores with everything in stock? Here’s a store with stock in everything… specifically P. Stock, from the Librairie Astro in Montreal (which I actually shopped at back when I was up in Montreal doing Space Cases):

I don’t think the slashback’s made one bit of difference in saleability to the reader. They pick up a comic, browse, and if they’re interested, buy it. No-one buys reading based on price. The only place where price points come into play are with prestige projects, the $5.95/$6.95 (and up) books. Slashbacks should not make a pinch of difference to the retailer. Using a standard 50% discount, a retailer grosses $1.125 on a $2.25 book, $0.995 on the same book “slashed” to $1.99. Thirteen cents per book. Presuming that book sells 30,000 copies, that’s a big $3,900 spread across all retailers. So what does it cost us on the average- a buck a store?

I like Slashbacks because they’re something I can show my customers that says Marvel is NOT the same company as it was in 1993.

I can tell them that a quarter slashback takes a dime out of Marvel’s pocket for each and every book shipped. It may cost ME $2-3 on my order of Marvel Boy, but it costs THEM four grand, and we all know they NEED that money. Money that they’re “spending” to try to get people interested in their books.

They can complain about Jemas’ “collectability” and “fanboy in Queens” statements with all the outrage that we’ve become accustomed to from comic fans. They can gripe about “two for two” covers and a glut of X and Spider titles, and their favorite book being cancelled, and I can counter with yes but….

Look at the slashback program–they’re putting their money where their mouth is. It may not be an effective selling point for an individual book, but it shows that they’re trying to please you.

Look at the editorial changes–you may hate what Quesada is doing, but it shows that Marvel recognizes that they needed a content “fix”. It showed that they actually did hear what people were saying about the need for a new direction, and they responded. If you enjoy the new line or not is irrelevant -taste being subjective – and if Marvel’s new look doesn’t suit your taste, DC or Image’s might, but you can no longer write off Marvel en bloc, because it no longer IS a bloc. It’s trying to reach fans, it’s trying to get them interested in trying Marvel titles.

Look at the Ultimate line–not so much for the “quality” of writing, because once again, taste is subjective. Rather look at it for the $3.99 reprints of USM and UXM #1-3. Eight bucks in content for $3.99. Non-collectable reprints. Stuff to read.

That’s where we should look for the big news at Marvel. They’re printing stuff to read, and when they can, they knock off a quarter, or a buck, in the hopes it might entice you to try it.

Cutting the slashback program gives me one less reason why my customers should reconsider the prevalent attitude that equates Marvel with evil.

This isn’t WAM. This isn’t polybagged with five different cards. This isn’t embossed. This isn’t use up all the rack space. This isn’t ram it down the fanboys’ throats Marvel, this is a Marvel that’s reaching out – groping out – to try and get back in sync with the readers. If one of the gropes is an ineffective and spotty little twenty five cent slashback it doesn’t matter. It’s all the gropes added up that amount to a fondle. Enough fondles add up, and we’ve got a love affair with Marvel again. Then they get big again, and, if past performance is any indication, once again they’ll find a way to screw us.

Ah well

That’s the biz, sweetheart.

And on that slightly Bogie-esque note, we close out this utterly unscientific and nonbinding survey of retailer opinions. I appreciate everyone who took the time to write in, and it will be interesting to see if Marvel was paying the slightest bit of attention to any of this.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)

 

BID Mailbag: Marvel’s Slashback program

Originally published March 16, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1426

Well, we’ve been discussing Marvel a bit here at BID (what with this being, y’know, a newspaper about comics, so I figured I should do it on occasion just to keep my hand in). I should mention, by the way, that artist Michael Collins came up with what I think is a perfectly nifty name for the Marvel Silent Month. Ready? “Nuff Said Month.” So there it is.

I also tossed out a question to retailers, soliciting feedback over Marvel’s apparently abortive attempt to introduce what they called Marvel’s Slashback Month.

Having nothing to do—as one might have thought—with either slasher films or chiropractors, Slashback was designed to showcase individual titles on a month-by-month basis by cutting their prices back from a hefty hefty hefty $2.25 to a wimpy wimpy wimpy $1.99. The theory was that fans would be inclined to then sample the comic while using the twenty six cents they saved to purchase—I dunno—a one minute phone call.

The idea, however, is now on the verge of being voted off the island by Marvel’s counsel of retailers, who far prefer a retailer incentive program instead of a straight-up savings to consumers. This prompted such ire from retailers on my AOL folder, however, that I tossed the notion open to the public. The results of this very unscientific fishing for opinions is not remotely binding on Marvel; however I have every reason to suspect they’ll be more than a little interested in what folks are saying.

The responses flooding here into the home office have been, shall we say, interesting. Some retailers confined their remarks to Slashback, while others used the opportunity to rail against Marvel for a variety of grievances. I’ve had to edit some of them, particularly those that went off track and instead started addressing remarks about my work or me. I really had no choice: The effusive praise, the compliments, the lewd propositions, the obscene photographs, the Xeroxes of people’s buttocks, the death threats… it becomes repetitive after a while. Why bore you with it?

First up, J. Rider from Hot Comics in St. Paul, Minnesota:

In response to your column about the Marvel Slashback program, I have to say in my best Bill Murray from Meatballs: It just doesn’t matter.

As a program itself, the Slashback idea is an ok one. I’m not likely to order more of a Slashback title unless it contains a new direction, writing-art team, or,as you tried, a done-in-one issue that I could introduce as a jumping on point. The Slashback seem to me like a reverse “chrome” cover idea, except it cost my customers less. It is suppose to get interest in a title, but unless the writing and art is good, no one will really care.

Extra incentives, to me, are a waste of time. Most of Marvel’s seem to be an “order 1 get 1 free” reorder that I usually do not take advantage. I have already ordered my initial order, and usually ordering more doesn’t fit into my plan. Extra discounts also do not excite me, unless they are doing it on their scant backlist.

But Marvel can do all the price breaks they want, and all the art changes they want, and all the great creators in existence can write and draw and create all they want, and… it just doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter, because as you mention earlier in your column, Marvel doesn’t overprint, and I couldn’t get those issues even if all the choirs in heaven wanted those issues. Marvel wants me to order so flawlessly and so precisely the exact numbers I can sell. Marvel wants me to put up all my money IN CASE a title goes ballistic. But it isn’t going happen. I isn’t ordering more, I isn’t reordering any incentives, and I isn’t falling for it.

But I will tell you what is happening.

Take the Defenders title. I sold out of first issue. No reorders available. Issue two has come out, and although customers are interested, they have a real anal attitude about starting at number one. So my sales on number two are 50% less than #1. Take Avengers #38. Many customers would like to try it, and it IS a Slashback title, and I did order more of this issue. But I sold out, and sold out I shall stay.

Now take the current run in the Superman titles, “Return to Krypton”. I bumped my orders up. I sold out. I reorder. I sell out again. I sell out again. I happy, I mean I’m happy.

So Marvel can offer all the incentives they want, but if I can’t reorder their titles, I’m not going to preorder extras. They don’t want to spend their money, why should I spend mine?

Plenty of DCs available for reorders, and no Marvel. Ouch, babe. That can’t be fun stuff for the folks at Marvel to be hearing. Now let’s turn to P. Callanan at Cave Comics in Newton, CT:

 I’m not one of the Top… Men that Marvel deemed important enough to consult with, I’m just a small store in a small town. I don’t believe that the Slashback program went far enough. Just dropping the price by 25 cents is not enough of an incentive for people to pick up a book. I’d rather see a price of 99 cents or $1.50. I don’t mind the short term profit loss if it means I have the chance to pick up some long term readers.

Now on to Marvel’s other lunacy. I’ve had my store for 12 years now and one of my laws of business is that you never go out of business by selling through. I run a six week cycle after which the books go into the back issue bins. There are some books that I plan to have a few left over at the end of my cycle, but for the most part I aim for an 80% to 85% sell thru rate. Occasionally I have underestimated the demand for a book. I ordered the first 2 issues of Ultimate Spider-man at 1 1/2 times my Amazing Spider-man sales. I probably should have ordered twice that. But because of Marvel’s print to order idea, I was never able to get anymore. What that says to me is that, even with a major title launch, Marvel wants me to have more faith in their product than they do.

That’s why Marvel’s old habit of overshipping key titles generated so much good will: Because it sent a message that Marvel was willing to stand behind its product. Now Marvel’s coming across like Darth Vader, making finger-choking gestures to the retailers and saying, “I find your lack of faith disturbing” while the retailers are being strangled.

Here’s a cool name: Buck Walker. Sounds like a space-going kung-fu guy. Buck is the manager of The Time Capsule in Colonial Heights, VA, who says:

As a comic retailer, I think the Slashback program is a good idea that allows store owners, such as myself, to try to cultivate new readers on books. If the books are priced less, I’m more inclined to order 3-5 more copies of titles that I can’t sell very well (ex., anything not ordered at 15 copies or more per month), to see if I can hook some more subscribers to it. If I’m successful at targeting the potential likes of my readers, I can increase the number of subscribers to the book at my store while simultaneously creating goodwill for myself AND Marvel by bringing attention to the lower cover price. The cover says it’s part of the slashback program, a concerted effort from Marvel–and the retailer if they choose to take part by ordering a little extra like I stated above–to make it easier for new readers to jump on to the book. In the long run, both myself and the publisher stand to benefit from these business practices.

If Marvel decides to go the other way, using increased discounts on books to supplement increased ordering, for one thing, chances are they’re going to set the required order level to obtain these discounts pretty high. I’m not as willing, even at a higher discount level, to increase the number of copies I’d carry and THEN discount the book at store level to try to facilitate sales. Frankly, most retailers won’t even do that; just as you stated in your column, they’ll just use it as another way to make more money, benefiting no one but themselves, and not helping the industry in general.

As I read your column, and as I’m writing this, it has become even clearer to me that Marvel has little to no interest in supporting their dedicated retailers, or the comic industry. With what is effectively a “no reorder” policy on their books, a horrible trade paperback program, and what seems like an abandonment of any further corporate level assistance with increasing readership, they have moved to dead last on the list of companies I choose to support. The majority of my rack space for both new books and trade paperbacks s is dedicated to DC products, and I carry a large selection of the DC Direct products. Why? Because not only is it good material, but the company supports me. I get weekly phone calls from a DC rep, and she makes sure I have or can get everything I need to successfully market and sell their product. Every couple of weeks, I get at least one, if not two, killer promo posters for DC stuff that I can stick in my windows.

What do I get from Marvel? Nothing. Maybe a poster every once in a blue moon, a nice memo each week that tells me that they’ve “continued to reduce the number of copies” of their books available to me, and, as you stated, a middle finger in my face when I ask for more than I’d originally ordered.

Could they make my choice any easier?

The pattern is becoming clear: Retailers want to support Marvel, but feel that Marvel isn’t supporting them, due to a variety of policy decisions or outright neglect that they feel cause them to be left out in the cold. There’s hostility, resentment, but at the same time an obvious desire to work with the company. It’s like the old joke about Myrtle and Sadie, two old women at a resort who run into each other in the lobby. Myrtle says, “So, Sadie, what do you think of the food here?” “Oy, it’s terrible! Horrible! Worst I’ve ever had!” says Sadie. Myrtle bobs her head and says, “Absolutely! It’s terrible! And the worst thing is: Such small portions!”

More retailer feedback next week.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)

 

Marvel’s Silent Month

Originally published March 9, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1425

And no dialogue. We didn’t need dialogue. We had faces.

                                                                              –Norma Desmond

                                                                              “Sunset Boulevard”

One has to credit new editor-in-chief Joe Quesada: He’s trying. In an industry that’s gone from cyclical to cynical, the new chief is beating the drums as loudly as he can, trying to get Marvel Comics and suspicious comic book fans together. In some ways it reminds me of the school dance in the movie of “West Side Story,” where the desperate master of ceremonies, “Gladhand” (John Astin) is trying every trick he can think of to get the Jets and Sharks to mingle. In similar fashion, Marvel and the fans (not to mention the retailers) are circling each other warily, suspicious of the motives at every turn, reluctant to commit lest they suddenly discover a knife in the back.

And lord knows Quesada approaches everything with enthusiasm. It’s evocative of Stan Lee at his most “Excelsior-ish,” back in the days where Stan was so fluid that he could announce a price hike and by the time he was done, you’d be saying, “An extra nickel a book! Fantastic! A bargain at twice the price, Stan, we’re with you!” When Joey Da Q is channeling Stan Da Man, it’s almost impossible to distinguish good news from bad news. Almost.

For instance, a recent letter to “All Marvel Suppliers” starts out, “Hey, Folks, to assist Marvel suppliers (that’s you!) in submitting invoices or vouchers on a timely basis, and to ensure the fastest payment by Marvel, please take special note of all of the following info,” and it finishes off with, “Thanks for your assistance. See ya in the funnybooks,” with a cheery “JQ” at the bottom. I assume it’s from Joe Quesada rather than (as some might conclude) Jonny Quest. In the meantime, between the friendly salutation and sign-off is buried the news that Marvel—after issuing freelancer checks on a weekly basis for close to half a century—is cutting back to bi-weekly. For a freelancer, that’s remarkably sucky news. It means that if you miss the vouchering deadline by a day, you can wait up to three weeks for your check. One almost wonders if there’s a committee at Marvel specifically designed to find new and interesting ways to piss off freelancers, because if there is, then the folks on it are more than earning their money—which presumably comes faster than every other week.

In the meantime, any announcement from Quesada is scrutinized for negative content more assiduously than a Clinton speech at a Rush Limbaugh convention.The latest to receive this treatment is Marvel’s Silent Month, a company wide crossover with such a clunky name that Joe has made an open appeal for someone to rename it. Here’s a helpful hint for the future: Never have a “Name this” contest wherein the word “Dumb” (adjective, “lacking the power of speech”) can actually be applied in proper context. I have no doubt that Joe is at this moment being flooded with endless variations on “Marvel’s Dumb Idea,” “Marvel’s Dumb Month,” “Dumb December,” “Dumb de Dumb Dumb,” “Marvel Dumbs Down,” etc.

From the point of view of letterers, it stinks to high heaven. Many companies give Christmas bonuses; Marvel letterers get instead a nice fat Christmas Suckball, rolling into the holidays with no work for a month. From a PR point of view, it was not a sharp move, because it allowed cynics to proclaim “Make Mime Marvel” month to be merely a cost cutting measure. And the last thing you want to do is give cynics even more excuses than they’ve already got. Marvel should have found a way to pay the letterers, even if it meant insisting that every page have a single sound effect.

Much is being made of writers being “forced” to take part in it. That it’s presumptuous by Marvel to announce to the writers, like the Soup Nazi, “No word balloons for you! One month!” I can only speak for myself when it comes to that, but when Tom Brevoort told me some weeks ago of “Make Mime Marvel” month, my immediate response was, “Sure, sounds cool.” As crossovers go it’s far less onerous than many others I’ve had to deal with. My only gripe came from the fact that I’d just done a silent issue, next month’s Young Justice #31, solely because I wanted to see if I could. So the challenge to me was to find ways to make Captain Marvel different in tone and style from the YJ issue. In point of fact, I became so jazzed about the idea that—even though I had only written up to Captain Marvel #21–I jumped ahead to #26 (the silent issue) and wrote it months ahead of deadline (and yes, was paid my full page rate, in case you’re wondering.)

Marvel presumptuous? No. No, what I found presumptuous, even infuriating, was an e-mail sent to half a dozen writers and Quesada (making it, as far as I’m concerned, public rather than private correspondence, although I’m withholding the writer’s screen name) which said in part:

I was just hoping to confirm that the December silent issues coming out of the best Marvel titles (Avengers, Captain Marvel, Incredible Hulk, Black Panther & especially Thunderbolts) will not contain any plot point making them a necessary purchase.

Not that I don’t respect the story-telling of both the writers and artists on each of the titles, but there’s no way I want to buy a comic that’ll be essentially missing 50% of its essence. I’m certain there’re no circumstances under which I’ll buy these issues, and indeed I’m quite sure I’m not in the minority.

I suppose if they’re that important, I can always get the information off the internet.

Now I don’t know if he’s in the minority or not, but he’s certainly not the only one voicing these opinions.

First off, let’s make clear that there’s no such thing as a comic book that is a “necessary purchase.” Clothes, food… these are necessary purchases. Comics are no more and no less than a hobby. Buy them, don’t buy them… it’s up to you guys.

That said, I think this doesn’t show any respect for storytelling at all, because fans are putting a quantitative measure on whether it’s worth their while, based on words. Its “essence?” What in the world does that mean, precisely? A comic’s essence requires dialogue balloons? All right: How much dialogue is required to fit a reader’s needs? If a comic averages one word a page, will that suffice? Two? Ten? Twenty? A hundred? At what point is the essence requirement satisfied?

A recent issue of Orion by Walt Simonson was told almost entirely in splash pages, with a grand total of half a dozen words. Was that comic worth less because of insufficient words? How about quantity of panels: Does that fit into the essence factor? Or could it be that Walt produced a story that perfectly summed up the “essence” of the New Gods with few words and splash pages, because full page artwork was what was required, and words weren’t?

Fans are falling into the same myopic trap that had “Village Voice” dismiss Stan Lee as a “typist of word balloons.” They think that the word balloons are the essence of the story. They are wrong. In Young Justice #31 there is exactly one word spoken at the beginning, one word at the end. Otherwise, nothing. I did it not to disenfranchise the readers or save myself work. It was, in fact, more work: The script was extremely dense because I had to convey every single aspect of the story through visuals, so it was a bigger challenge. The thought that such an issue will be dismissed out of hand because of the lack of a mythical “essence” is quite disheartening… almost as disheartening as the thought of fans seeking a free pass to skip a month because they think the only measure of a book’s worth is how many dialogue balloons are in it.

And then there are the fans who feel the comic won’t be worth the money because the lack of word balloons will cause them to fly through the comic unimpeded, and so it’s not enough dollar-to-time-occupied. I dunno: The most recent silent story I read was a John Byrne Enemy Ace Christmas story reprint. I spent far more time on it than any other story in the issue, studying the storytelling, the expressions, deriving all that I could of the story from the art.

Marvel has issued a challenge to the writers. Rather than be intrigued by the challenge, fans dismiss it. I find that very sad. Dialogue balloons are tools to tell a story; nothing more… same as flashbacks, parallel plot construction, foreshadowing, etc. Not all tools are required to tell all stories. I and my fellow writers intend to tell stories that are just as engaging and interesting as any month’s worth of titles, using all the other tools in our arsenal. We won’t be producing stories that would have required dialogue balloons, but are being told without them and therefore are inferior. We will be telling stories that don’t require word balloons to be told. In fact, I personally think the issue of Captain Marvel I wrote would be a less effective story if word balloons were present.

Will the stories be missing anything? Yes. They’ll be missing faithless fans. Only you guys can decide whether you’re one of those, or one of the fans who genuinely does have respect for storytelling.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705).

 

Seriously, GOP? Seriously?

When he was voted into office, tons of people encouraged Obama to level war crime charges against Bush and Cheney.

And it would have been totally legitimate. They demonstrably lied to everyone in order to wage war.

But Obama said no. He didn’t feel that he should be prosecuting his predecessor.

So now the GOP is readying plans to impeach Obama. For issuing fewer executive orders than his predecessors.

Jesus Christ. Remember that guy in “Guardians of the Galaxy” who says, “What a bunch of a-holes?” He’s talking about the GOP.

PAD