Peter David's Blog, page 12

Freak Out Friday – September 7, 2018

At a rally in Billings, Montana, Trump–as always–attempted to shift blame for his problems away from himself and to someone else. In an unusual move, his target was his own supporters. He claimed that if they did not get out and vote for Republicans in November, he would be impeached.

“I’ll be the only President in history they’ll say: ‘What a job he’s done! By the way, we’re impeaching him,'”

Well, not exactly. What will be said is, “What a job he’s done. That’s why we’re impeaching him.”

1). It must be true. I read it in “The New York Times.” . The Trump administration went absolutely bat fuck crazy when the Times took the unusual step of publishing an anonymous op-ed piece. It was written by someone identified as a high ranking member of the administration, who claimed that the Trump presidency faces challenges it didn’t even know it had. “The dilemma — which he does not fully grasp — is that many of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. I would know. I am one of them.”

Asserting that Trump is amoral (which, let’s face it, we knew), he (or she) and others are working together to thwart “Mr. Trump’s more misguided impulses until he is out of office.” He/she claimed that the 25th amendment was not invoked because it would cause a constitutional crisis, which of course is false. If it’s in the Constitution and you’re following it, that’s not a crisis. That’s doing exactly what you should be doing, especially if you believe–as this individual clearly does–that the President is not suited for office. Using that as an excuse is just gutless.

So who wrote this essay? Smart money is on Mike Pence, because the writer said this: “We may no longer have Senator McCain. But we will always have his example — a lodestar for restoring honor to public life and our national dialogue.”

Lodestar? Ever hear that word before? I had not. Think about normal conversations you’ve had, things you’ve read. Commonly used? Nope. But it’s one of Pence’s favorite words; he’s used it in any number of speeches.

Trump is already shouting at Sessions that he should investigate it. On what grounds? National security, he claims, although of course he can’t come up with any specific national security needs that would be threatened by the writer’s anonymity.

I’ll tell you what’s going to happen: He’ll sue the New York Times. Why? So that when the top editors refuse to answer the question of who the source is (as they inevitably will) then they’ll be thrown in jail. Which Trump would love. He’d be so hot to get reporters locked up that he would have a visible stiffy just talking about it.

2). Read all about it. Excerpts and reviews are showing up about Bob Woodward’s new book, “Fear,” an overview of the Trump White House.

The diss on Woodward has always been that he adheres rigorously, if not insanely, to the concept of journalistic neutrality. Like Sergeant Joe Friday, he cares about the facts and just the facts, offering none of his own assessment. But you know what? In this day and age, where news is disseminated by biased hacks who scream their opinions at the top of their lungs, oftentimes devoid of sources–indeed, when “alternative facts” has become an actual thing–a return to Journalism 101 is a welcome relief. Say what you will about Woodward, but his devotion to, and support of, the facts he presents is untarnished (okay, he got fooled about the whole weapons of mass destruction thing, but other than that…). He’s got recordings of everything on tape, and this is someone who knows from first hand experience how recordings can screw you over if they get out, so you know his printed descriptions are going to match up. When a man who brought down a president and received two Pulitzer Prizes says stuff, you believe him.

The portrait he paints of the Trump administration is by all accounts chilling. Some of it even matches up with the New York Times op-ed piece in which certain of his personnel step in to prevent Trump from making things even worse than they are. Letters stolen off his desk, orders not carried about because they would cause catastrophe, and Trump’s micro memory serving well because he doesn’t notice or remember when things aren’t done.

Trump and his people, of course, dismiss the book out of hand as fabrications. I’m sorry, guys, no. It’s Bob freaking Woodward. He doesn’t lie. He doesn’t have to. The facts are horrific enough. You want to trash the author of “Fire and Flame” whose main source seems to have been Steve Bannon? Knock yourself out. But Woodward is the gold standard of reporting. He is to print journalism what Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow were to television. “We were informed by men; men who were revered” said Jeff Daniels’ character in the immortal first ten minutes of “The Newsroom.” Woodward is revered. “Fear” is all true. I’m going to be picking up a copy of it this Tuesday and review it in next week’s “Freakout Friday.”

3). Hey, did you hear Talos the Untamed is in the new “Captain Marvel” movie!. Sorry, I just…I wanted to say it again.

PAD

Talos the Untamed in “Captain Marvel”

So I was planning the story for HULK #417 and 418, and I wanted to have the Hulk battle one of the Skrulls who showed up for Rick and Marlo’s wedding. But I wanted it to be a fight atypical of such dust-ups.

Then I hit upon the idea of having it be a Skrull who could not shapeshift because of a genetic disorder. I figured a guy like that would be seen as a weakling, endlessly tormented. And what I reasoned was that it would give him incentive to be the most badass Skrull in the empire, a gladiator of unequaled skill. His name would be Talos and he would pick up the nickname “Talos the Untamed.” But when he was captured by the Kree during the Kree/Skrull war, he would refuse to commit suicide as honor demanded. Consequently he was disgraced and referred to as Talos the Tamed.

In #418 he wound up battling the Hulk, figuring the big guy would kill him so that he could die nobly in combat. But when the Hulk realized what he wanted, he dropped to his knees and begged him to stop the fight. Talos was so disgusted by the Hulk’s pleading that he decided the Hulk wasn’t worth the combat. But when he transported back to his ship, all the other Skrulls were extremely impressed over his handling of the formidable Hulk and so he took a huge step back in regaining his honor.

It was easily the most unpopular issue of Hulk I ever wrote. Fans were revolted by the idea of the Hulk surrendering under any circumstance, even though the Hulk had no stake in the fight and didn’t care who won or lost. As far as the fans were concerned, only the Hulk beating Talos into a pile of mulch was an acceptable ending. I shrugged. Can’t win ’em all.

But apparently Talos remained popular, and now it turns out he’s going to be one of the main villains in the upcoming “Captain Marvel” movie. Which means action figures, and maybe t-shirts. And you know I’ll be watching the end credits to see if my name is in there, ’cause if it’s not I will be VERY disappointed.

Oh God, don’t let the movie tank. Otherwise I’ll feel it’s my fault; the first Marvel movie not to do well. Because it featured a Peter David creation as the villain.

PAD

Freak Out Friday – August 24, 2018

Well, well, well. Been quite the week for Trump. His continued howls of “witch hunt” were crushed on Tuesday, because the definition of a witch hunt is that innocent people suffer as mob hysteria sets in and seeks justice for imagined offenses. But four days ago the verdict came back in the Paul Manafort trial convicting him on eight of the eighteen offenses for which he was being tried (a single juror was the holdout on the remaining ten; possibly a Trump supporter, we don’t know.). Meanwhile, within minutes of that, Michael D. Cohen admitted under oath in open court that Trump instructed him to make payments hushing up his affair with Stormy Daniels in order to influence the election.

Once again we are hearing the oldest refrain in the world: the beginning of the end of the Trump presidency.

Once again we get to watch as the GOP, who would already be halfway through impeachment proceedings if this were Hillary Clinton covering up her affair with a male porn star, will continue to enable their guy to act as if the laws of the land do not apply to him. His opponents are either dying (sorry, McCain, for ever thinking poorly of you) or getting out of politics rather than be faced with Trump stoking hatred against them through his millions of idiot supports that believe every word he tweets.

1). The Don. Reading Trump’s tweet messages regarding Manafort and Cohen can become an exercise in insanity if you still have any hope that Trump will ever start acting like a President. He praises the convicted felon for “not flipping.” In other words, like any good Mafioso lieutenant, Manafort places loyalty to the Don above loyalty to his own family, perhaps hoping that Trump will pardon him in the near future…which Trump will absolutely do. Meanwhile Cohen openly admits to wrong doing and condemns the man who instructed him to do it. Why? Because he values his family’s needs over those of Trump to not be held accountable. Naturally the man who swore on a bible to uphold those laws condemns Cohen for violating his oath of loyalty. The man who swore he’d take a bullet for Trump is now the one holding the gun, and all Trump can do is condemn him as being a lousy lawyer. Hey Don, YOU’RE the one for whom he worked for over a decade. So what does that say about you?

In all, five of Trump’s associates have either been convicted or pleaded guilty to various crimes. Not only has Trump not drained the swamp, he’s restocked it with alligators.

2). I don’t know how you can impeach someone who’s done a great job. . That is a direct quote from Trump when he was asked about the possibilities of impeachment in respect to Cohen’s sworn statement that Trump violated campaign finance laws. Since he doesn’t know, I will answer him, leaving aside the whole notion of his self-proclaimed “great job.” Impeachment isn’t a job revue. They don’t run one every year and determine if you should get a gold star. You get impeached if you’ve broken the law. Trump broke the law. He is listed as an unindicted co-conspirator, which is what Nixon was described as in the Watergate burglary. And if Nixon hadn’t resigned, he would have been impeached, without question.

3). Does he even remember HE hired him?. Look, I have to admit I’m not a fan of Jeff Sessions. The guy’s a dick. But Trump’s ceaseless attacks on his appointed legal representative is way beyond the point of absurdity. He’s furious because the justice department is rounding up, prosecuting and convicting associates of his and keeps insisting that Sessions shift his focus onto people he, Trump, doesn’t like. Seriously? Hillary’s emails still? Trump cannot wrap himself around the notion that investigating actions which helped him steal an election are of far greater interest than a dumbass non-scandal that helped Clinton lose an election. His endless bitching about Sessions just makes him sound more and more guilty with every tweet. Sessions, in a rare outburst, fired back at his boss, defending himself and the justice department. Naturally all that did was ramp him up. How dare Sessions doesn’t just shut up and take it. What’s wrong with him/

4). Here’s how I think this will end: . Trump will fire Mueller. That is simply inevitable. Thus far he’s been following the advice of everyone telling him that firing Mueller would be a catastrophic move. But all that’s happened as he’s refrained from doing what he wants is that Mueller keeps rounding up his followers and advisors, most of whom turn on Trump. At some point he’s going to declare enough is enough, and when he fires Mueller , that is finally going to spur the House and Senate to do their damned jobs, especially if it happens before the November elections. His inevitable firing of Sessions won’t have quite the same impact, but dumping Mueller will be a dead on comparison to Nixon’s Saturday Night Massacre. Whatever day it is, it’ll be that night’s Massacre (much as any conspiracy has the word “gate” attached to it, which remains weird because “gate” was part of the Watergate hotel’s name, not an arbitrary suffix.). When he fires Mueller, the House and Senate is going to have to reach across the aisle and say “Enough is enough.” Because although the hardcore Trumpites will take no issue with it since they’ve bought into the whole “witch hunt” calumnies, they are not the majority of the voters. Better to piss off them than the millions more voters who are going to want their representatives to take action. They recognize the Cosa Nostra attitudes of Don Trump and realize that these are not things a President should be spouting, or even believing.

But even so, it will likely only happen if Democrats take the majority at the mid-terms. So go out and vote. And double check that you are registered; far too many places are finding means to purge voter rolls without bothering to inform the purged voters.

PAD

Don Be Gone

I’m making a rare non-Friday commentary on Trump.

Trump is comparing Robert Mueller to Joe McCarthy. That reminded me that a major program was started in March of 1954 by a Wisconsin newspaper editor called “Joe Must Go.” The drive of the program was to recall the Communism hating Senator. Although it didn’t quite succeed on its own, it was one of the factors that led to McCarthy being censured and losing all his influence. It’s worth noting that the news was also responsible when Edward R. Murrow did several pieces on him that shredded his support. Why else do you think Trump has been obsessed with convincing the public the news can’t be trusted? Historically the free press helps deter destructive influences in the government. Trump figured that if he could find a way to invalidate belief in the press, he would remove a major enemy in his path. He doesn’t really believe the press is fake. He just wants his followers to believe it.

So this is what we need to begin: Don Be Gone. A national movement to get rid of him. I’m not entirely sure how we go about it, but we have to start something with that sort of very specific focus.

Don Be Gone.

Get it out there.

PAD

Freak Out Friday – August 17, 2018

It’s really true: with the death of Aretha Franklin, there is now an opening for the role of Queen of Soul and there is absolutely no one to fill it. Her passing prompted marvelous words of mourning and sympathy from everyone from private citizens to top leaders.

What did Trump say?

“She worked for me on numerous occasions.”

Because every thing in the world has to be about him. EVERY goddamn thing. He couldn’t just talk about the loss. He couldn’t say a matchless talent has been extinguished. He couldn’t say that her voice reflected “our power and our pain, our darkness and our light, our quest for redemption and our hard-won respect,” which is what Obama said. Nope. Had to claim she worked for him, because in all matters great and small, all that matters to Trump is “How does this reflect on me.” Who worked for him, who treated him well, who complimented him, who betrayed him.

Jesus Christ.

1). Insecurity. . There is an assortment of people who once worked in the American intelligence community who, even though they no longer hold that position, continue to have security clearance. That’s because they serve as a sort of eminence grise, a source of knowledge and influence with whom subsequent presidents can consult over something that seems odd or unusual to them. If trouble is percolating in the Middle East and there’s an advisor who has a long relationship with/knowledge of the people causing it, you’re going to one to bring him in to get his opinion as to how to proceed. Basically these folks are a form of Institutional Knowledge.

Trump, who has little to no knowledge of his own, has zero respect for that. Any intelligent person will tell you that if you’re going to be putting together advisors, you want smart people who disagree with you. Trump doesn’t believe in that. He wants stupid people who follow him without question. And because John Brennan, former director of the CIA, has dared to say critical things about Trump, Trump naturally must seek revenge and remove his clearance. Why? Because he doesn’t have the balls to unleash the shitstorm that would result if he fired Robert Mueller, so instead he’s going after anyone who even remotely supports him. Which is why his next target is Bruce Ohr, former deputy attorney general, and nearly a dozen other people who don’t think much about Trump’s incessant attacks on the intelligence community. Because if you’re president, that’s what you really want to do: piss off guys who excel at finding out dirt about people. If two weeks from now, Brennan shows up on ABC news with the pee tape, don’t be the least bit surprised.

2). Before the parade passes by. At least SOME good news out of DC. Trump’s idiotic military parade has been scotched. Trump naturally has to find someone to blame and picked the government of Washington, D.C., claiming that they had inflated their budget estimates in order to…I’m not sure, really. Profiteer? Why in God’s name would they want to do that? The final budget of the thing was certain to be pored over by every major news outlet; there’s no way they could hide any profiteering prices from major scrutiny. And DC’s mayor immediately fired back, claiming that she was the one who actually managed to talk Trump out of the pointless demonstration of American military firepower. Newspapers are claiming that the budget topped out at over $90 million while Pentagon heads are claiming that amount is pure fiction. Of course, the self-proclaimed billionaire could easily have just contributed the money himself, if it meant so much to him. Yet it’s becoming clear that Trump’s alleged billions are just that: alleged. But they don’t really exist.

3). We have to feel sorry for Omarosa? Really?. If there was ever a woman that America could, as a country, have no patience or sympathy for, it’s Omarosa (for some reason news organizations are suddenly referring to her by her full name, which just sounds weird. It’s like everyone referring to Cher as Cherilyn Sarkisian Bono Allman). Yet now, with her aptly titled book Unhinged, she has come forward with a series of non-revelations telling us that Trump is a racist. Yeah, no kidding. Yet she kept working with him, trying to sell this bonehead, his racism, and all his other crap to the American people. She claims in her book that there is tape of Trump saying the n-word from during “The Apprentice.” My guess is that there isn’t; Mark Burnett doubtlessly erased it. But it doesn’t matter, because Trump’s hard core followers are also racists. So if the tape were produced, all it would do is confirm what one side already knows and brighten the day of the other side that would be cheering its usage. David Duke supports the man, for God’s sake. If audio of him discussing how he likes to grab women by the pussy didn’t short circuit his support, the flat out audio proof of his racism isn’t going to change a damned thing.

And yet Omarosa keeps producing tape recordings to back up other aspects of her book. We can safely assume she doesn’t have audio proof of anything that could get him impeached, because she would have trotted it out already. So she has recordings of Trump denying that he knew anything about her being fired. Of course that’s nonsense. It just proves yet again that Trump will lie to anyone about anything. If Trump really believed she shouldn’t be fired, he’d pick up the phone and tell John Kelly to rehire her. End of story. He wouldn’t just shrug and say it was out of his hands. He’s the president.. The buck stops at his desk, and Omarosa MUST know he lied to her. Even someone who would be stupid enough to keep coming back to work for him couldn’t be fooled by that.

Could she?

4). Remember, remember, the first of September.. Rudy Giuliani, the only lawyer I’ve ever seen who has resting shocked face, asserts that Mueller swore that the report would be done by September 1. So Giuliani asserts that once that deadline passes, any negotiations to have Trump answer Mueller’s questions is off the table.

Here’s my suggestion: enough is enough. Subpoena Trump.

We all know two things: Trump is never going to agree to it. And if Mueller does question him, Trump will lie. How do we know that? Because he always lies. Always. He can’t help himself.

Are there risks to Mueller issuing a subpoena? Hell yes. For one thing, there is no definitive case that speaks directly to forcing a president to submit to a subpoena. Chances are that any such endeavor would be fast tracked to the Supreme Court, at which point we get to find out just how conservative the SCOTUS really is. Experts believe the SCOTUS would never basically say that anyone, even a president, is above the law. But then let’s say that the SCOTUS says Trump has to obey the subpoena and Trump basically responds, “Make me.” Who would be in charge of that? The U.S. Marshals. Who is the boss of the U.S. Marshals? The President. You see the problem.

Trust me when I say this: If Mueller winds up with a subpoenaed Trump on TV, I’m going to be live blogging that.

PAD

Freak Out Friday – August 10, 2018

UPDATE: Now we understand why Trump is pushing a Space Force. It was announced that they were going to produce Space Force souvenirs and merchandise to benefit Trump’s reelection. How did I NOT see that coming?

Screw him. If you want real space souvenirs, go to here to pick up a 60th anniversary t-shirt or other souvenirs that will provide money to NASA. That’s where the real attention to space should be spent.

For the past couple of weeks I have either been on vacation or at conventions with minimal access to computers. I would like to think I missed something, but the fact is that Trump has been up to his usual schtick: Supporting Putin while simultaneously endeavoring to distract attention away from the increasing vise grip of the Mueller investigation.

1). No collusion! None!. Aside from the fact that such reiterations bring both Nixon (“I am not a crook!”) and Clinton (“I did not have sex with that woman!”) to mind, two things are inspired by his declaration. First, that he says it incessantly. And second, it’s irrelevant because he’s not being investigated for collusion, which really isn’t a crime. Conspiracy, however, is, and it’s that investigation plus others that are nailing all of his associates and various family members to the wall.

He declared that his “wonderful son” simply met with the Russians in order to get dirt on the Clinton campaign, which he alleged is done “all the time” and is not remotely illegal. First of all, he openly contradicted the previous excuse that the meeting had to do with Russian adoption. If you say a lie and it fools nobody, you don’t just toss it aside and basically say, “I was lying,” because it kills the expectation that you will be honest in the future (except we all know he won’t be, so maybe it doesn’t matter.) Furthermore, yes, it is against the law. Specifically 52 US Code Section 30121:

(a) It shall be unlawful for—

(1) a foreign national, directly or indirectly, to make—

(A) a contribution or donation of money or other thing of value, or to make an express or implied promise to make a contribution or donation, in connection with a Federal, State, or local election;

Providing dirt about your opposition is covered under “other thing of value,” because information is valuable. And no, Clinton didn’t do it too with the Steele memo, because they paid him to do research, so basically it was a commercial transaction and therefore legal.

So let him rant about no collusion all he wants. But conspiracy? Most definitely. It’s worth repeating: If this were a Democrat in office, the Senate would have been howling for impeachment for months.

Meanwhile his “wonderful son” was busy sharing a doctored image taken off CNN that claimed his dad’s poll support was higher than Trump’s at the same point in their presidency when in fact Obama was 5 points higher in the polls. And considering that Obama inherited a recession that many idiots blamed him for (just as they’re crediting Trump for an improved economy that is easily attributable to Obama) and that the GOP-led Senate made it a point to try and restrict him from accomplishing anything, it’s amazing Obama was even that high.

2). Still? Seriously? . Trump continues to get his base fired up by protesting football players who take a knee during the national anthem. He declared that the players “wanted to show their ‘outrage’ at something that most of them are unable to define.” Nooo, they’ve been able to define it quite well: as a protest over how the legal system treats people of color. When even Ving Rahmes winds up with cops coming at him simply because he was going into his own house, something is seriously wrong. Even the NFL, which originally had established a rule that players couldn’t protest, wisely tabled it since they realized that the rule would leave Donald Trump howling in victory while it simultaneously pissed off everyone who had any faith left in the concept of free expression. So Trump, the failed football team owner, continues to whine. Let him. He’s got plenty else to whine about.

3). Spaaaaace Forrrrce. (It works better if you imagine it being said in Space Ghost’s voice.)

Mike Pence had to go to the Pentagon this week and reinforce Trump’s call for a Space Force as the six branch of the military.

Here’s my question:

Did someone, as a joke, tell Trump that Independence Day was a documentary? And he believed it? Because that’s the only way I can see this bubbling out of what is roughly referred to as Trump’s mind. The branches of the military were created to serve as a defense mechanism (plus the Coast Guard to also help people in trouble at sea.). Is Trump under the impression that aliens will be attacking us? Does he think an airplane is going to fly too high and accidentally find itself floating off into the ether? In short, is he nuts?

Well, yeah. I mean, it’s pointless even to ask that question because the obvious answer is, “Yeah, pretty much.”

Apparently under the impression that since it’s the 21st Century, it’s time to create Starfleet, the Federal government has had no problem allowing the budget of NASA to languish. According to Wikipedia, “NASA’s 2018 budget is $19.100 billion in 2018 dollars — roughly equal to NASA’s 1963 budget of $2.55 billion. However, as a percentage of federal spending, NASAs budget is significantly lower than in 1963 and is actually more like 1960.” Yet Trump somehow magically wants to spend money on something that does not exist and is not remotely necessary, except to draw American view away from his copious legal problems.

4). Trump’s associates legal problems.. There may well be too many for me to keep track of, but let’s take a whack at it.

Attorney Alex van der Zwaan, an attorney, pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI. He was sentenced to a month in jail.

Michael Flynn, Trump’s former national security advisor, also lied to the FBI.

Special counsel Paul Manafort is currently standing trial for 32 counts of tax evasion and bank fraud.

Rick Gates, a former associate of Manafort’s, cut a deal and testified in court that both he by himself, and also with Manafort, had committed crimes.

George Papadoupolos, a former foreign policy advisor, also pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI.

Plus thirteen Russian nationals and twelve Russian agents have also been charged with interfering with the 2016 election. So every time Trump says “witch hunt,” let us remember that one of the first signs of a witch hunt is that the people being condemned are not really guilty of being…well…witches.

Chris Collins, the New York Senator who was the first to endorse Trump, is accused of insider trading.

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross is alleged to have siphoned off millions of dollars from his partners directly into his own pocket.

When one considers how often Trump referred to “crooked Hillary,” when pretty much all the accusations were the result of the GOP’s twenty five year war on her, and it turns out he associates with that many criminals…

Well, let me put it to you this way. Common sense says that the people who associate the most with criminals are other criminals. Trump’s choice of friends speaks volumes.

PAD

My unproduced “Supernatural” script

If you are trying to write for a television series, the one thing you don’t do is send them a script for their actual program because you can’t possibly match their voice.

Nevertheless, I came up with an idea for the television program “Supernatural” and couldn’t get it out of my head. It was a sequel to the wonderfully hilarious episode “The French Mistake” in which Sam and Dean Winchester find themselves in an alternate universe where they are believed to be Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, the stars of a TV series entitled “Supernatural.” All I could think of was, “What happened to the ‘real’ Jared and Jensen when the Supernatural brothers took their place?”

The good news is that my agent is friends with series creator Eric Kripke, so he sent it to Kripke and asked him to send it along to the producers. Kripke happily agreed to do so and did just that.

Over a year later the producers have still not bothered to read it, at least to the best of my knowledge. So I figured that I wanted someone to have a chance to read it. I’ve posted it on my Patreon page, so everyone currently following that can check it out.

For those unsure, I am reproducing the Teaser here so you can judge for yourself. If you like what you read, then go here.

And here’s the teaser. Pardon the slightly improper script style; the site won’t allow me to print it in the standard format.

SUPERNATURAL

“EXCUSE ME WHILE I WHIP THIS OUT”

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. RUFUS’S HOUSE – DAY

WE HEAR a steady HAMMERING sound and PULL BACK TO REVEAL that a property SALES REP is hammering in a “For Sale” sign into the front lawn. A cheerful MORMON, wearing a white shirt, black slacks and tie strolls up, a smile on his face. He is looking at the house and SEES…

A brief movement of a shadow within.

He taps the sales rep on the shoulder who JUMPS, slightly startled.

MORMON

Didn’t mean to scare you.

SALES REP

And yet you succeeded.

(she glances at the book and cuts the Mormon off)

Don’t even start.

MORMON

Well, maybe the person at home might be interested.

SALES REP

There’s no one at home. Hasn’t been for years. This place is being taken by the state.

MORMON

Pretty sure I saw someone moving around inside.

SALES REP

It’s your imagination.

MORMON

Would you mind if I took a look?

SALES REP

Knock yourself out.

As the Mormon walks away, the sales rep mutters under her breath.

SALES REP (CONT’D)

Literally.

The Mormon strides up to the door, glances around for a bell, doesn’t see one, and knocks on the door.

The door opens. We are angled FROM BEHIND the person so we don’t see him clearly, but whatever it is, the Mormon’s eyes open wide; he is frozen in terror. He is yanked INTO the house and the door SLAMS.

This noise catches the sales rep’s attention. She frowns, puzzled, and heads for the door. She knocks, and the door opens.

Once again we’re angled behind and she looks startled. The person answering the door: once again we don’t see his face, but we know that voice: It’s RUFUS TURNER. He is holding up the book.

RUFUS

You ever read this? It’s hilarious.

She turns to bolt and he grabs her arm and YANKS HER IN. The door once again SLAMS and we…

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. A COFFEE SHOP – DAY

We MATCH THE SHOT to the door closing with a door OPENING. SAM and DEAN WINCHESTER enter. The WAITRESS is standing with her back to the door, which she hears open because of a little bell attached to it. She is busy adding checks and doesn’t bother to turn around. She gestures in a vague manner.

WAITRESS

Just sit wherever you want, honey.

They shrug and move toward a table and sit.

DEAN

I’m just saying, 27 to 7? That’s a football score, not a baseball one.

SAM

So the bullpen had a bad day…

DEAN

The bullpen? EVERYBODY had a bad day. Five errors? How the hell do they make five errors? What is this, little league?

Sam is grinning. Dean doesn’t notice at first.

DEAN (CONT’D)

I’ll tell you where the problem is: it’s the manager. He’s supposed to pull that bunch of millionaire idiots together and teach them the fundamentals. Keep you eye on the ball! That’s rule one in baseball! Well, no, rule one is no crying, but it’s a close second. It’s…

He notices Sam’s reaction.

DEAN (CONT’D)

What? What’s so funny?

SAM

Nothing’s funny. It’s just…this.

DEAN

What “this?”

SAM

This! Us! Talking about baseball. Not witches or vampires or Armageddon or Lucifer’s baby. Just ordinary, routine, y’know, stuff.

DEAN

You remember that five hours ago we were wiping out a coven, right?

SAM

Yeah, but now we’re…it’s like we’re normal!

DEAN

We ARE normal.

SAM

You know what I mean. We’re not being hunters. We’re just being brothers talking about baseball. I just…sometimes I wish it could always be like this.

DEAN

Fat chance. Something’s always gonna snap us back to the life.

SAM

Optimist. I’m gonna hit the men’s room.

He gets up and walks toward the visible rest room sign. The waitress has walked over and she’s staring down at Dean, confused.

WAITRESS

What do you think you’re doing?

DEAN

Um…talking about baseball.

WAITRESS

Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?

DEAN

I don’t think so. You can tell by the lack of humor.

WAITRESS

Why are you sitting here?

DEAN

My brother and I wanted to get lunch. And you said sit anywhere.

(recalling)

Honey. There was definitely a “honey” in there when you said it.

WAITRESS

I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but your shift isn’t over for another five hours. So get back to work.

DEAN

Look…Miss…I’m trying my best to be polite here, but it’s obvious that you have me confused with somebody else.

WAITRESS

I see you every day. So that’s not really likely. Now get back to your job.

DEAN

Yeah, that’s it. I’m going.

He stands up.

DEAN (CONT’D)

Tell my brother I’ll be out in the car.

WAITRESS

(her voice louder)

Jensen!

JENSEN (O.S.)

Yeah?

The kitchen door swings wide and JENSEN ACKLES, beard stubble, dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt and an apron, with netting on his hair, steps out.

JENSEN (CONT’D)

Whatta you wan–?

His jaw drops.

Dean’s expression is a mirror image.

JENSEN AND DEAN

You!!!

BLACK OUT.

END OF TEASER

Apparently I should just stick to writing comics

As I occasionally do on Twitter, for the past day or so I have taken potshots at #FakePOTUS, pointing out his lies and attempts at deception.

This seemed to have annoyed some people, because this afternoon Kathleen discovered on Twitter that four different individuals all felt the need to tell me to knock it off. Speaking in almost perfect unison, as GOPers are wont to do, they declared that I should keep my mouth shut about politics and stick to writing comic books.

Kathleen promptly blocked them on Twitter, but I feel that’s something worth addressing.

See, here’s the thing: People don’t really care if I’m writing something other than comics. I wrote “But I Digress” for fifteen years, commenting on all manner of things, and no one told me to stick to comics. I’ve had over a hundred novels published; I don’t recall reviewers or fans declaring I should just write comics. Viewers of “Space Cases,” “Babylon 5” or “Young Justice” never demanded to know why I wasn’t sticking with comics.

Yet amazingly when I voice my political views, suddenly there’s an assertion that my words should be limited to the colorful pages of comics. As a matter of fact, noted singers are told they should stick to singing and actors to acting when they likewise criticize the #FakePOTUS, even though if they happen to publish books, no one asserts they should stick to music or acting.

Upon giving this some thought, I’m forced to the ineluctable conclusion that people don’t really care that I’m branching beyond comics when I criticize #FakePOTUS. Instead they are upset because I’m saying things with which they disagree, and far more people are listening to me than would listen to them considering I have nearly 16,000 followers and they have nine (and actors and musicians have far more.)

So how about this: Instead of stating that you think I should stop embarrassing myself making comments that over three hundred people liked, why don’t you just be honest and declare you either envy my ability to express myself or just hate my guts because I think Trump is an idiot who could launch world War III because he felt pissy that day, and you’re too busy kissing his ass to admit it or simply too stupid to realize it.

Does it sound as if I’m encouraging hate speech? No. I just find hypocrisy almost as irritating.

PAD

Freak Out Friday – July 20, 2018

We really don’t have to break the comments down into sections this week. We are faced with a hard truth that has been presented with indisputable proof in the last weeks in general, and this last week in particular.

The hard truth is that Donald J. Trump is a traitor.

The fact that he met for two and a half hours with Putin all by himself, with no American present aside from the translator (who is sworn to secrecy) should alone be enough to trigger all manner of concerns, which it already has. His subsequent personal appearance with Putin was a complete and utter disaster by any definition of the word.

Since then he has desperately been trying to walk back his moronic comments, including–most conspicuously–asserting that he meant to say “wouldn’t” rather than “would” when discussing whether the Russians interfered with the election.

Let us make a couple of things clear:

Of course they interfered with the election.

Of course Putin ordered it. It’s a dictatorship. He’s the dictator. They dob’t take a dump without him signing off on it.

Over the past weeks we have witnessed Trump doing exactly what a traitor who became POTUS would do. He has done his level best to shred the relationship between the U.S. and its allies of over half a century. He wants to destroy NATO. And he speaks highly and allies himself with Putin, a vicious dictator who punishes and/or kills local reporters or dissidents, poisons them when they’re abroad, and invades and annexes other countries. This goddamn dictator, to the addled mind of Trump, is an ideal leader because everyone lives in terror of him and that’s what Trump wants for himself. This isn’t me making speculation. He’s made “jokes” about how the U.S. government should work and how everyone would show him total obedience and kowtow to his every desire. When Putin offers to have Russians work with the FBI to “investigate” the action they themselves undertook, in exchange for having the opportunity to interview people they want such as former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, anyone with a lick of sense knows this is a non-starter. Yet during the press conference Trump described it as “an incredible offer.” Now technically he’s correct, if one is considering the exact definition of incredible, which means “impossible to believe.” But I think we’re all reasonably sure that he meant it was remarkable, amazing, and something to be strongly considered. Especially because even Sarah Sanders, when asked about it, initially refused to say that it was off the table. How could it ever be on the table. It shouldn’t even be in the same room as the table.

We are left wondering if Putin has something on Trump, or if Trump is just that monumentally stupid. Honestly, I don’t see why it can’t be both. The pee tape might have just been the triggering device to put Trump squarely in Putin’s pocket, but he may have come to firmly believe in getting orders from someone smart enough to force him to accommodate him.

Meantime we’ve learned that Michael Cohen did indeed tape Trump in conversation about coughing up money to buy the story of a Playboy model’s affair with him. That of course will not make the slightest difference to his incredibly venal and stupid base (90% of Republicans still support him, according to a Gallup Poll) but what it does give is proof that Cohen indeed does have recordings of Trump, and maybe one of them will be demonstrably illegal.

We can only hope.

PAD

New Blackmail Threat – Be Warned

I was perusing my spam filter, as I do occasionally since sometimes genuine email winds up being shunted over there, and I found something shocking.

It was addressed to me and featured one of my older passwords as “proof” that it was legitimate. It claimed to have video of me pursuing porn sites, that the writer had hacked into my computer camera to observe me doing fun things in front of one, and that if I did not give the writer $3200 in bitcoins that he was going to email it to all my friends and family.

I was stunned by this, especially because I don’t go on porn sites. Have I stumbled onto them while perusing the internet. Yes, and I immediately go “Yecchhh” and turn away from it.

As any man who has something to hide does, I immediately went to my wife and showed her the letter. Since Kathleen is far smarter than me, she entered “Porn bitcoin threat” into google and immediately discovered reports on sources ranging from Gizmodo to CNN that quoted the exact letter sent to me.

Is it possible it will hit some genuine users of porn? Yes. But you shouldn’t be blackmailed for that.

So beware if you get this thing. It’s a scam.

PAD