Sujata Rajpal's Blog, page 3

In the pursuit of illicit love, no one is a winner

While browsing the shelves of Just Books library, KD Road, I stumbled upon Custody by Manju Kapur. Having read three books by this author – Difficult Daughters, Home, Immigrant, I was sure this one would be as engrossing as the previous three. Custody surpasses my expectations in story line as well as narration. Ms Kapur’s themes are always simple about everyday lives of middle class. The first scene shows an illicit relationship. The story has the hook which keeps the reader glued till the last page and then back to page one to savor the book once again. Shagun is a young, married woman with two small children, a well earning husband, a comfortable home and everything else that makes the life of an Indian woman complete but Shagun wants more from life. In the pursuit of an illicit love, she is ready to give up everything.

The story throws light on the institution of marriage.  After how many years of marriage one can say my marriage is now secure. The answer is never. A fling, an affair can strike one of the partners at any age, creating a storm in the lives of the couple and enveloping in it everyone else around –in-laws, parents, children and the most important relations between siblings. Does one of the partners has to be a villain for the other to fall out of love and fall in love with another person? Not necessary. Does a woman, a wife has a right to follow her heart? To pursue one relationship, should one sacrifice all other relations? The book leaves the reader with questions to ponder over. The author doesn’t sit in judgement over right or wrong. It asks you to find your own answer.  It only gives one message – in such relations no one is a winner, everyone is a loser.

The most impressive is the description of mundane life of people. I have yet to come across an author who had observed human relations as closely as Manju Kapur herself. Her writing style is a mix of narrating and showing.

Is Indian culture so flimsy that it can be destroyed by women’s clothing!

My best friend’s daughter recently got a job in Saudi Arabia. ‘How can you allow your daughter to go to an Arab country? Don’t you know women are treated like second rate citizens there?’ I fumed. It was beyond my imagination how could an educated mother send her young daughter to Saudi Arabia for a job.

My friend replied calmly, ‘If she was working in Delhi or any other city in India, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night but I know she will be safe in Saudi. No man will dare misbehave with her.’

Today, women are in the board rooms, in space, factories, and even in armed forces but irrespective of their status, strata and education, they aren’t safe on the roads, not even on the streets outside their house.

One more incident of molestation, one more blood boiling statement blaming victim’s western attire for the offensive act. Don’t know which is worse – the indecent act or the disgusting statement. Samajwadi Party leader Abu Azmi said women in Bengaluru had been molested on New Year’s Eve because they were wearing ‘short clothes’, hours after the Centre condemned Karnataka Home Minister G Parameshwara’s similar victim-blaming comments. Azmi, like Parameshwara, claimed that the women faced repeated sexual harassment on the city’s streets because they had not conformed to ‘Indian culture’. Damn! Does groping and molesting women conform to the Indian culture? Not a word on how men are expected to behave.

First it was Delhi and now it is Bengaluru which have brought shame to India. It is spreading like some kind of contagious disease. Can’t say if the crimes on women are actually increasing in number or there are more number of such incidents which come to light.

Twenty Five years ago when during exams I used to study at night until the wee hours; in between cramming the boring lessons, it was a common practice for the students to take short breaks by having a quick stroll on the street. In the April heat, we looked forward to stepping out of the house even for just a while to soak in some cool breeze. A ten minute walk in the quiet of the night was refreshing enough to glue me back to my books for another couple of hours. The street opposite our house in Sector 22 in Chandigarh was dimly lit as some of the blubs would always be fused and I clearly remember in the dead of the night, dressed in my night clothes, I used to be the only one on the road engrossed in my thoughts, marching from one end to another, while my parents slept inside peacefully. On those days, it was a ritual in summers for most families to have an after dinner stroll on the street. People indulged in simple joys of walking on the roads. ‘Those days’ were just twenty five years ago but it feels like another era, a different world altogether when women felt safe on the roads. When I narrate the stories of ‘our times’ to my sons, they ask me, eyebrows raised in awe. ‘You used to go for walks alone? On the road? At midnight?’

Fast forward to the present times. After dinner strolls at night – alone or with a companion is unheard of for the fear of not only molesters but also of stray dogs, chain snatchers and thugs.

Nowhere there are statements from minsters or anyone that we need to put a leash on perverts. Punish the criminal and not the victim. Every time such an incident happens, men with misogynic mentality give disgusting statements and further shame the country. Are we saying, it’s okay to molest a woman? There are also no statements demanding better law and order, more stringent laws which could deter men. There are only statements how women should dress up, how they shouldn’t venture out alone at night. Seriously!

Media go overboard while reporting such incidents but when the culprits get caught, the media need to follow up , and report with the same fervour about the punishment meted out to them, publish their photographs to let public know about those men who shame their entire gender.

Are women public property that they can be groped at anyone’s free will? Do they need to be dictated how to dress up, do they need to be told where to go and at what time to go. Disgraceful! Unacceptable! It’s time to get it straight, it’s time to fight it out.

Go where life takes you…

(This interview with Vasanthi Hariprakash was published in Star of Mysore on Jan 14, 2016)

The name Vasanthi Hariprakash rings a bell (and a sweet sounding one at that) for the listeners of India’s first private FM station Radio City 91.1. Goooood Morning Bangalore…Vasanthi’s energetic voice woke up the garden city, morning after morning when she hosted the prime time breakfast show from 2004 – 08, brightening up the listeners’ mornings with a quote here and a concern there, her enthusiasm upbeat, her tone unchanged as she chatted with celebrities and lesser mortals. No wonder, during her four year stint as a Radio Jockey, the listenership of the breakfast show of the channel went up phenomenally.

The same lively voice had mesmerized the listeners of All India Radio across the country at the 103rd session of Indian Science Congress held at namma Mysuru recently where Vasanthi was the official AIR commentator for the two day session inaugurated by the Prime Minister. “I have anchored and moderated many shows but giving a live commentary is the first time experience. It is indeed very challenging to present a live commentary as unlike radio/ TV shows, there is no scope for retakes or editing. One has to be very sure of what one has to speak. Before I took this assignment, it appeared very daunting but when I started, it wasn’t so difficult,” says Vasanthi who believes that the future of radio listening is going to be better and brighter in India. The onset of 24/7 Television had temporarily slumped the popularity of radio listening in India until the advent of private radio stations which made radio listening fashionable. Vasanthi also anchored Women Science Congress and other sessions during the 103rd National Science Congress.

It must be a high moment for a person when one makes thousands and lakhs of people experience a mega event with one’s voice literally. Yes, it gives a high but not to the RJ but to yours truly as I listen to her awestruck, talking about anchoring shows featuring the likes of Shah Rukh Khan, interviewing Big B, and countless other celebrities from various walks of life that Vasanthi has quizzed in her career as a representative of popular brand names or as an independent journalist.

For the uninitiated, Vasanthi Hariprakash is an independent journalist, moderator, panelist, columnist for a rural newspaper and anchor at social, cultural events. She has also modelled for saris made by Assamese women weavers. Starting her career as a sub editor with Indian Express where she was the coordinator for network for women in India, she later ventured into Radio, NDTV as a special correspondent.

It is not every one’s cup of coffee or tea to chuck a regular job and set out in your professional journey to carve an identity for yourself all over again. Vasanthi who has crossed from one medium to another, from print to radio, to TV, anchoring, moderating, interviewing, walks the path less trodden with elan and grace.

There has to be a charisma about that bubbly voice when the endorsement for her shows comes from none other than Mr N.R. Narayana Murthy himself. “I listen to Vasanthi’s shows whenever I can. I notice she has a genuine desire to make a difference to the world around her. She has the power to mould the opinion of over 2 million listeners through her radio show,” says Mr Murthy.

Recipient of many awards like Best English RJ of the Year – Indian Excellence in Radio Award for the year 2007 awarded by the India Radio Forum at Mumbai, Radio City CEO Award for excellence & best performance on the Breakfast Show, Outstanding Journalism Student for Year 1992-93 awarded by Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bangalore and Dazzling Daughter Award given by Bangalore University for professional achievements, in July 2010, Vasanthi was recently invited by dairy scientists in Netherlands as a media advisor on organic dairy farming and to anchor the international symposium. By the time, this piece sees the light of the day, she will be off to Brazil on another such independent assignment.

“How easy or difficult is the life of a freelancer?’ I ask.

“When I resigned from my job from NDTV to do something of my own, I didn’t care whether I would be successful or not, I just wanted to break that 24/7 cycle. I wanted to spend more time with my son. The main objective of life is to be happy. To take a decision if you should be sticking to your regular job or break free, you need to have a conversation with yourself. You may be doing a regular job and still have that satisfaction of using your optimum potential but if you are not doing justice to your potential, you need to wake up and do something about it,” says the chirpy lady.

Having her manicured fingers in multiple pies, Vasanthi is everywhere literally. In between being a mythology storyteller on goddesses of India at a musical concert, moderating panel discussions for channels, mentoring adolescents for a US Consulate programme, being media advisors and motivational speaker to corporates, she squeezes in time to have a cup of tea with a fan.

“How do you manage time?” I can’t help asking.

She looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully to find a crisp answer to my question. “When I take up an assignment, until it finishes, I use every little time to complete that task in hand. It’s like stealing even a minute from here and there either to do some research or reading up about the event that I am going to host. Most women, working or at home, manage multiple tasks together. It is of utmost importance to have a good support system and a supportive family. I couldn’t have done the radio shows if my mother was not around to help me. Most importantly, don’t forget that you are a person first. Send out signals in whatever way possible to your family that you have your own life; don’t attempt to do everything yourself. Women need to do justice to their potential.” I couldn’t agree more.

Vasanthi who resides in Bangaluru looks for every opportunity however small or big it is to visit the city that she is in love with. “Mysore has got so much of character. We tend to associate places with people. Mysore will always be a special city for me as my father’s sister used to live here. I used to frequent this place often even a child.”

Don’t be surprised if you bump into this charming Radio Anchor at the Mysore railway station taking a selfie or enjoying neer dosa in a south Indian eatery in Saraswathi Puram.

Mothers, Go… Get a Life!

 Remember, Sridevi from the Bollywood blockbuster English Vinglish who enrolls in an English speaking course to uplift her self-esteem when she finds herself lacking in comparison with her daughter because of her inability to converse fluently in English. Middle age is definitely not a show-stopper when she decides to go back to school. In the end, she enriches her life as well as that of her children and family. The daughter who was earlier ashamed to even introduce her mother to her teachers is now a proud daughter. Sridevi in the role of the mother perfectly symbolizes a progressive thinking woman.  Agreed, it is not easy to be a child in today’s highly competitive and fast-paced world but it is even tougher to be a mother.

A mother’s responsibility doesn’t end with packing variety in tiffin box every day and taking care of the physical needs of the child. That is the easier part and can be delegated to the house help. A mother needs to be more than just a mother; she needs to be a companion, friend, advisor, counsellor, playmate, entertainer, motivator, role model, disciplinarian and confidant to her child all at the same time. A mother should be in sync with the world of her children’s even if it means staying abreast with the latest in everything including technology, gadgets, smart phones, music or whatever it takes to match her steps with those of her children. She needs to continuously push the boundaries.

Whether she is a stay-at-home mom or a working mother, her role and responsibilities as a mother remains the same. For sure, you have heard of part-time jobs, part-time business and even part-time girlfriend but ever heard of part-time mothers? Mothers – working outside or at home are always full-time. A mother may delegate her children related tasks to her own mother/-in-law but she still remains a full-time mother. This piece is not about whether a working woman or a homemaker makes a better mother. Whether you want to be a working woman or a homemaker- it is your personal choice.

Along with doing what it takes to be a progressive thinking mom, it is equally important for her to cut the umbilical cord early in life for various reasons.

Having her child on her mind 24/7 is no testimony of her motherly quotient. The need of the hour is to strike a fine balance between a contented mother and an over ambitious one. On the one hand, there is no escape for her from motivating her child to excel and on the other hand, she has to ensure that the child is not burdened with parents’ unfulfilled aspirations. If her world revolves only around the thoughts and anxieties about her child’s well being, unknowingly she is bound to raise expectations from her children. Such mothers suffer from empty nest syndrome and are likely to go into depression when the children leave the nest and become independent.

Moreover, it is claustrophobic for a child if the mother doesn’t provide a breather to him.

It is good for the child as well as for the mother that the mother has a Me time. This does not mean that she should not be available if the child wants to reach out to her for any physical or emotional requirement.

There are times when a mother needs to feed her own passions, to think of herself as a person, an individual and a separate entity because she is an individual first and then a wife and a mother. Why should her own desires and dreams always take a back seat in comparison to her child’s aspirations? For sure, the two are not mutually exclusive.

There are many activities which a mother can pursue to carve an entity for herself like learn a new skill or language, nurture a hobby that had been lying dormant for many years, make new friends, meet new people, join an NGO, gardening, fitness, reading, blogging, travelling so on and so forth; if nothing else teach children of your maid servant. She just needs to explore and there will be plenty that will catch her fancy to engage her mind productively. Cultivating a hobby will broaden her perspective towards life and give her exposure to empower her as a person, as a woman and as a mother. Her child will still be the most important person (or the second most important depending whether the child or husband comes first) in her life; wanting to maintain an identity of her own does not change that in any way.

You can still be the World’s Best Mom to your child. Whatever you do, go get a life of your own – both for the sake of your happiness as well as for the happiness of your precious child because only a happy mother can raise a happy child.

Happy Mother’s Day.

(This piece was originally published in Star of Mysore on 10th May 2015)

 

Overcoming Writer’s Block

I have been thinking of starting with my second book but no idea has struck so far. I don’t know what to write on. Should I write on a women related subject like my first novel or should it be a thriller this time? Actually love stories are hot selling these days so it will be a good idea to write steamy romantic scenes but there are already so many romantic novels. Whichever topic I think of, it has already been written about by many authors and there is nothing left for me to write about. It appears that I have exhausted my share of creativity. Does the scenario sound familiar?

May be how self-motivated and disciplined you are as an author, there will be times when you don’t know what to write on next; there will be times when your mind just goes blank when you feel that all the out of the box ideas have already been taken away by other authors. Everything seems boring and not your cup of tea but it is indeed appreciable that despite the blocks you still want to write and continue with your search for that elusive idea or the unpredictable twist in the plot.

When I was incorporating the changes in my manuscript as suggested by my editor Harsh Agarwal , we used to brainstorm on how to introduce fresh ideas in the plot and deal with writer’s block. Here are a few tips practiced by me and so many other authors to ward off the writer’s block.

Stop thinking about that new idea or twist in the story that you are writing. The universal principle that if you don’t chase something desperately, it will come to you on its own is applicable here too. The more you think about it, the farther away the idea will run from you. Chill, take it easy.

For the time being, how about catching up with your reading? Make a list of themes in the books that you have read. Though the main subject is only one, every book is a combination of various thoughts, ideas and characters even if there is just a brief mention about it in the book. The Other End of the Corridor deals with subjects like mental and physical abuse at home, comparison of our lives with others’, self-discovery and finding our strengths when we are in crisis but there is also a passing reference to my protagonist Leela’s brother who being a son was pampered as a child and is given preferential treatment in the family whereas Leela’s desires are always sidelined. How about thinking through the reasons and digging deeper into this thought? Give wings to your imagination and you might be able to build your entire story on a brand new theme.

Another way is to Branch out and focus your mind on blogging, writing an opinion piece for a newspaper, a short story or anything but not that plot which has taken away your sleep literally.

The secret of good writing is not just the main theme but weaving the plot and its presentation. Queen, a Hindi movie of 2014 is a perfect example of this expression. It is the story about a girl’s self- discovery who has been rejected by her fiancé just a day before her marriage. Yawn! What’s so great about the storyline? But the movie turned out to be a Bollywood blockbuster and became unique because of its presentation and narration. Every small idea can be developed in to a full length novel or a short story. All you need is engrossing narration.

Sometimes, the deadline is looming large and you don’t have the luxury of putting your writing away and indulging in reading or something else for a while. In that case, writer’s block becomes really a luxury which we writers can’t afford all the time.

Use your observation skills. Go to a public place, college canteen, mall, restaurant or simply rewind your last social get-together with friends or work friends. List down the people you met or saw. Focus on someone who was most weirdly or stylishly dressed and try to imagine his/her day before she arrived at the party. Did she come alone or with someone? Who was this someone with her – boyfriend, husband, father or a stranger? Did she like the dress she was wearing? Why did she look stressed? Think deeper and you will have a brand new twist to the story.

Do anything but don’t let that writer’s block linger on for very long else it will block you from the writing world.

(This piece was originally published in Huffingtonpost: Link below )

http://www.huffingtonpost.in/sujata-r...

Nice Hair, Deepika ! My Choice…Your Choice…

(This piece was published in Star of Mysore on April 7, 2015)

27, 80, 00,000 web views, 7,715,075 YouTube hits in just a few hours and still counting. For sure, producer Homi Adjania is a happy man. Irrespective of whether you are a social media addict or not, in all probability, you have watched the video or at least heard about this 2.34 minute Deepika Padukone’s My Choice Documentary video supposedly on women empowerment. No issues, if you haven’t yet watched it, it should be ‘Your Choice’ to watch it or not to watch it.

Though well intentioned, this Vogue video has backfired. Let us look at it from three aspects. If the objective is to empower, it has failed miserably. The video is a misdirected attempt to empower women. Instead of portraying a strong woman, it portrays an arrogant one who cares a damn about anyone or anything. It fails to connect. Picturized on 99 women from different walks of life, it is a video by the elite class but it is not meant even for the elite. Does feminism mean exposing a bra strap or declaring from roof top that it is okay to have sex outside marriage? Does that empower women in any way? We know it very well, Feminism is not about superiority rather it is about equality of genders.

No one is denying that it should be a woman’s personal choice to live life in the manner that she wants to. The same way, it is a man’s choice to live life at his own terms. Visualize this video picturized on any of the Khans or Bollywood heartthrobs and it is bound to look comic. And the reaction of any forward thinking woman or a true feminist would be ‘Man, Get lost! If you think, it’s only your choice!’

I can still recall the video on India ‘Mile Sur Mera Tumhara’ first telecasted in 1988. The concept for Mile Sur was developed by Lok Seva Sanchar Parishad and promoted by Doordarshan (then India’s sole TV broadcaster) and India‘s Ministry of Information. The song was composed by Ashok Patki and arranged by Louis Banks, with lyrics by Piyush Pandey (then an Account Manager of Ogilvy and Mather, India). It was recorded by people from all walks of life, including a group of Indian celebrities—musicians, sports persons, movie stars, etc. The national integration video was intended to instill a sense of pride and promote unity amongst Indians, highlighting India’s different linguistic communities and societies. That is one documentary film which has stayed in people’s mind. The lyrics are still hummed by many.  Even now when I watch it, it gives me goosebumps.

Coming back to the video, the second aspect is visuals. The video fails to impress even visually. Leave the objective aside, the video could have been made more appealing both visually and emotionally. For sure, the script writer and lyricist could have found more powerful words to empower women. If this is a part of PR strategy to promote Deepika’s upcoming film Piku, then this video was unnecessary. Her confession about her depression won her respect from contemporaries; she genuinely won many hearts. As far as her popularity is concerned, this video is regressive.

I do wonder about the entire process of working on this documentary film. Before working on a project like this, didn’t the team have a brain storming session on what works and what doesn’t and didn’t the producer have a dry run to know the response?

If this was indeed a part of promotion strategy of Deepika’s new film Piku then this video gets full marks. It served its purpose. If you haven’t watched the video until now, you would surely want to watch it after reading this piece. So producer earns another penny. As someone rightly said, there is no better publicity than negative publicity.

The third aspect is the response from the society or its absence. Deepika needn’t bother about public outrage or the little damage that it has done to her sweet girl image. Public’s memory is very short. It was just yesterday when India’s Daughter video went viral. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on it. Another news comes, the previous one is forgotten. Move on, it is time to make place for the next one. Is anyone really bother about the cause or the purpose it serves or fails to serve or the larger impact on society?

My Choice video doesn’t move you at all in any way. It falls flat just like Deepika’s monotone voice. In the end, the only image that stays in your mind is of Deepika’s lovely tresses blown by wind machine. Nice Hair, Deepika!

Hindustan Times Chandigarh March 9th, 2015

Deccan Chronicle Bangalore edition Feb 23, 2015

Deccan Chronicle Bangalore Edition Feb 23, 2015

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