Michelle Sassa's Blog, page 3

The Fun Mom

THIS PIECE ORIGINALLY RAN LAST JUNE. NOW THAT SUMMER BREAK IS UPON US, I'M RUNNING IT AGAIN SINCE WE CAN ALL USE A REMINDER TO LIGHTEN UP AND ENJOY THE RIDE.
Around here, Mom gets a bum rap. Dad is the fun one, doing all the tickling and wrestling and ball-throwing in the house. I’m that shadow in the background sweeping up the shards of the vase they just knocked over.
I even call my husband ‘Daddy Funtime,’ sneering as I say this to fully articulate that this is meant to be anegativeconno...

Your Kid Sucks. So Shut Up.

There is some kind of Newtonian law that the more a kid sucks at a sport, the more vocal his parents are on the sidelines. Often, this coincides with Galileo’s hypothesis that these are precisely the same parents who are “experts” at the game being conducted, though they have never coached and never played a sport in their life. A handful never even played on the chess team.


My high school physics is fuzzy, but I am pretty sure they call this the law of inertia.
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REALLY Creative Ways to Show Mom Love

Because I amsuch a big deal (insert laughing noises here)the folks at FTD sent me a list of creative ways to show mom gratitude on Mother's Day, thinking I may want to share it with you, my lovely readers.

And, really, it was so sweet of them, because now I get to have the day off swigging mimosas, instead of racking my brain wondering what to write about.

You can see FTD's full list of mom thank you ideas here, but I'm highlighting a few of my faves below with my own creative impro...

The Art of I Don't Care

Yesterday I was sitting in the dentist chair, mouth splayed open like a crime scene, with that spit-slurping wand sucking up all my dignity as the overzealous hygienist told me I needed to floss better. And as she showed me exactly how to jam that unholy wax string up and around my hemorrhaging gums, I nodded at her as if to say, “Why yes, absolutely, I’ll do that, of course!”
But between you and me, that is never going to happen, and you wanna know why?Read more »

Find It In You

I have this quote hanging in my bedroom, beneath a ledge I call my dream shelf:


“Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get, you’ve got to make yourself.”

I can’t remember where I first saw it. Could have been a fortune cookie. Or a Facebook post. More likely, it was in a dentist office copy of O, the Oprah Magazine, tucked between pages touting Nate Berkus pillows and kale salad recipes.

However this nugget of self-help came to me, writer Alice Walker's words...

Forget the Resolutions and Have an Attitude Adjustment Instead

Let’s all resolve to stop whining and start thinking positive before I smack you.

It’s resolution time again, and everyone I know is concocting their admirable, if not impossible, goals for the New Year:

“I’m going to lose 50 pounds. By February.”

“I’m going to climb Mt. Kiliminjaro. Twice.”

”I’m going to stop drunk online shopping.”


Whew. All these lofty goals make me wanna veg on my couch with a bag of chips and a martini, surfing the net for sales. This year, I’m proposing a simpler change: how...

Forget the Resolutions & Have an Attitude Adjustment Instead

Let’s all resolve to stop whining and start thinking positive before I smack you.
It’s resolution time again, and everyone I know is concocting their admirable, if not impossible, goals for the New Year:

“I’m going to lose 50 pounds. By February.”

“I’m going to climb Mt. Kiliminjaro. Twice.”

”I’m going to stop drunk online shopping.”


Whew. All these lofty goals make me wanna veg on my couch with a bag of chips and a martini, surfing the net for sales. This year, I’m proposing a simpler change: how...

Passing the Baton

I’ve been running for a longer time than I have the brain cells to remember, but I must have started around my oldest son’s age. Which would have made me a middle schooler. What I do remember in mental high-def was getting up super early before school—while it was still dark out—and cracking an egg into a glass, which I would drink before my run, its sliminess tempered by the dash of vermouth my dad suggested I add.

Yes, this was the early eighties, and Rocky Balboa was my idol in all his raw...

Teach Kids Gratitude (And Maybe Someday They'll Thank You)

Much like turkey leftovers and food comas, my rerunning of this previous post has become a Thanksgivingtradition. Not because I'm too tired or lazy to write something new (okay, that might have been the case last year) but because we ALL need reminding to be happy with what we have, myself and my family included! Just the other day, we got my daughter a tank full of fish, and only a few hours later she started begging us for a mouse. Clearly I have more work to do! But I'm 'tank f...

How To Brainstorm A Book

Guest Post by my writing partner, Anna Mitchael

So this is the thing. We didn’t actually start out writing a hilarious book about a twenty-something young woman searching for herself in the halls of an advertising agency. At first it was going to be a mystery with a male hero who goes looking for a troupe of dentists that kidnapped his pet walrus.

Michelle and I outlined the idea, then took it into an ad agency and we were like ‘HEY GUYS!’ (We screamed because it’s always really loud in ad agen...