Ari Meier's Blog, page 4
February 4, 2014
What White People Really Don't Like About Black People
Okay, I'll admit that the title may be construed as a little link bait-ish; but I am going to touch on a serious subject and hope that I don't start a flame war (actually I hope to start a flame war because after the thunderstorm comes the beautiful weather). It's time that we have serious face to face (although I'm safely tucked behind my keyboard and house walls), frank conversation that was needed 30 years ago. I bring the thunderstorm.
Please keep in mind that this collection of words is not speaking on the white people that truly hate black people for no obvious reason other than skin color. Also there are many white people that doesn't have any issues with black people on any level (even the points made below-they just don't care) just as there are many black people who'll get this and may agree with the points made below.
In case you're wondering that this is all about what white people do or don't like and is yet another 'acclimate ourselves again to what other people are comfortable with'; no, this is not about that. This is about aligning the strata of the black population that is a continuous source of embarrassment, family and community destruction to other black people. I'm talking about aligning this strata of black folk to your everyday, 'go to work, business owning, care about your child's welfare, want to do good in school' black people.
If this realignment can occur, then we should slowly see more harmony not only from within the greater black community, but between the truly non hating white people and black people.
Below is a list (I'll call it the 'Get your Home in Order' list)of items that black people should address within(again, only the relevant strata in the black community) before any conversation can start between white and black people (you know, the usual headline grabbers: the racism, bigotry, etc conversations).
The list is derived from many years of talking to white and black people and the items are in no order of importance. Here goes:
1. Teach our children to be respectful and be aware of behavior that can be misconstrued as aggressive. This was a tough one, because in many instances (if not most, black boys are labeled as aggressive when in fact they're not aggressive at all. One of the problems is that whites and blacks have lived, worked and played close to each other for a long time, but we are still thousands of miles away when it comes to actually knowing each other. We are fed news stories that inaccurately reflects TRUE cultural group reality and in turn we act out based on this 'media feeding' or think in those biased terms.
2. Put more energy into our children's education. This is a no brainer. The world is cruel enough place without a college degree, but it's downright hell without a high school diploma. It's also time to destroy that several decades old demon that whispers into some of our kids ears that being smart or excelling in school is NOT cool. Realize that the school is NOT the only teacher for your children. We should integrate learning into our everyday family environment. This will only create a 'love to learn for the sake of it' mental environment in the child.
3. Cut the grass, keep up the neighborhoods. Be proud of your shelter for when you're proud, it's hard to let that grass grow up to the roof. This is also about being considerate to your neighbors. I know that many black people do an awesome job of keeping the homestead looking nice.
4. Stop being so sensitive about everything. Racism is alive and well. Gender based inequality is alive and well. Criminal-ism is definitely alive and well. The reality is the white person that dared to speak out about something that he doesn't like is most likely expressing what other whites and blacks don't like.
It's a tough love assessment that is expressed by someone who you think shouldn't say it, but has the balls to say it when the people that look the most like you won't say it(except Bill Cosby). I suspect that many whites that don't truly hate black people don't want to live or heavily socialize around black people simply because they, like most other ethnic groups; feel the most comfortable when around others that are culturally similar and who look the most like them.
5. Get a job. While this is not only a black problem as there are many white people that don't want to work. This gets a mention because when we don't like to work, we tend to like the government to work...for us. This is unnecessary reliance when we are able to work. Free up those government benefits for the temporarily unemployed, the long term sick and elderly. It's criminal that able bodied people are mooching. This only creates a below mediocre standard of being. It shouldn't be about only wanting to survive, we should want to rise economically as high as we can. Destroy the 'get over' mentality.
6. Men, respect our women. Stop calling them b**s, h*s and any other name that is derogatory. I find it amazing that white rockers don't diss their women the way some rap and r & b artists do black women. Some people will say that it's because you're dealing with young men. Yeah right. I'm sure young white men musicians 'feel some kind of way' or say derogatory things about their women, they just don't do it as a default in their music and definitely not so publicly.
Black people will get angry when white men say derogatory things about black women in the public realm; but this is made more possible because it's allowed in the black community on a wholesale level. Also stop supporting music (no matter how good it sounds) that objectify and disrespects women. It has to start somewhere.
We have to evolve beyond the bubblegum r & b and rap that has metastasized on black radio. It's funny how we're doing music that's 'composed' on machines without a full array of instruments, but more white people are creating soul music, all with a full array of instruments. What happened here?
7. Stop embracing the thug life. All black men are not thugs. Not all white men are serial killers. I find too many of our young dudes embracing thuggish behavior (especially suburban kids from good backgrounds). If i were an alien that tuned into the average black radio station, I would think that the artists are addressing humans that only love hyper aggressive behavior towards each other, are violent for the sake of violence towards each other and only makes a living selling drugs.
Every ethnic group sell drugs (white men AND women probably do it more than others), but black people must have a wake up call: in the United States of America, the criminal justice system will look for you (black man) first. It's designed by people that want you out of their social and economic hairs. Is it a conspiracy, maybe, but I'm not one to go into that because if you truly don't sell drugs or do anything illegal for that matter; you don't go into the criminal justice beast. It's really simple. The victim slant of this doesn't hold much merit.
This is concludes my list of what I think white people don't like about black people. I'm sure someone will say that it doesn't address more issues or that this can be said about any other ethnic group. I'm not addressing other ethnic groups. I'm black and I've dealt mostly with white people. This is our time to work out things. Some blacks may call me a 'race traitor' for daring to speak out what we as an ethnic group need to be mindful of and what we need to do to blossom on the world stage. I say to them 'thank you' for confirming that I need to do this.
Please keep in mind that this collection of words is not speaking on the white people that truly hate black people for no obvious reason other than skin color. Also there are many white people that doesn't have any issues with black people on any level (even the points made below-they just don't care) just as there are many black people who'll get this and may agree with the points made below.
In case you're wondering that this is all about what white people do or don't like and is yet another 'acclimate ourselves again to what other people are comfortable with'; no, this is not about that. This is about aligning the strata of the black population that is a continuous source of embarrassment, family and community destruction to other black people. I'm talking about aligning this strata of black folk to your everyday, 'go to work, business owning, care about your child's welfare, want to do good in school' black people.
If this realignment can occur, then we should slowly see more harmony not only from within the greater black community, but between the truly non hating white people and black people.
Below is a list (I'll call it the 'Get your Home in Order' list)of items that black people should address within(again, only the relevant strata in the black community) before any conversation can start between white and black people (you know, the usual headline grabbers: the racism, bigotry, etc conversations).
The list is derived from many years of talking to white and black people and the items are in no order of importance. Here goes:
1. Teach our children to be respectful and be aware of behavior that can be misconstrued as aggressive. This was a tough one, because in many instances (if not most, black boys are labeled as aggressive when in fact they're not aggressive at all. One of the problems is that whites and blacks have lived, worked and played close to each other for a long time, but we are still thousands of miles away when it comes to actually knowing each other. We are fed news stories that inaccurately reflects TRUE cultural group reality and in turn we act out based on this 'media feeding' or think in those biased terms.
2. Put more energy into our children's education. This is a no brainer. The world is cruel enough place without a college degree, but it's downright hell without a high school diploma. It's also time to destroy that several decades old demon that whispers into some of our kids ears that being smart or excelling in school is NOT cool. Realize that the school is NOT the only teacher for your children. We should integrate learning into our everyday family environment. This will only create a 'love to learn for the sake of it' mental environment in the child.
3. Cut the grass, keep up the neighborhoods. Be proud of your shelter for when you're proud, it's hard to let that grass grow up to the roof. This is also about being considerate to your neighbors. I know that many black people do an awesome job of keeping the homestead looking nice.
4. Stop being so sensitive about everything. Racism is alive and well. Gender based inequality is alive and well. Criminal-ism is definitely alive and well. The reality is the white person that dared to speak out about something that he doesn't like is most likely expressing what other whites and blacks don't like.
It's a tough love assessment that is expressed by someone who you think shouldn't say it, but has the balls to say it when the people that look the most like you won't say it(except Bill Cosby). I suspect that many whites that don't truly hate black people don't want to live or heavily socialize around black people simply because they, like most other ethnic groups; feel the most comfortable when around others that are culturally similar and who look the most like them.
5. Get a job. While this is not only a black problem as there are many white people that don't want to work. This gets a mention because when we don't like to work, we tend to like the government to work...for us. This is unnecessary reliance when we are able to work. Free up those government benefits for the temporarily unemployed, the long term sick and elderly. It's criminal that able bodied people are mooching. This only creates a below mediocre standard of being. It shouldn't be about only wanting to survive, we should want to rise economically as high as we can. Destroy the 'get over' mentality.
6. Men, respect our women. Stop calling them b**s, h*s and any other name that is derogatory. I find it amazing that white rockers don't diss their women the way some rap and r & b artists do black women. Some people will say that it's because you're dealing with young men. Yeah right. I'm sure young white men musicians 'feel some kind of way' or say derogatory things about their women, they just don't do it as a default in their music and definitely not so publicly.
Black people will get angry when white men say derogatory things about black women in the public realm; but this is made more possible because it's allowed in the black community on a wholesale level. Also stop supporting music (no matter how good it sounds) that objectify and disrespects women. It has to start somewhere.
We have to evolve beyond the bubblegum r & b and rap that has metastasized on black radio. It's funny how we're doing music that's 'composed' on machines without a full array of instruments, but more white people are creating soul music, all with a full array of instruments. What happened here?
7. Stop embracing the thug life. All black men are not thugs. Not all white men are serial killers. I find too many of our young dudes embracing thuggish behavior (especially suburban kids from good backgrounds). If i were an alien that tuned into the average black radio station, I would think that the artists are addressing humans that only love hyper aggressive behavior towards each other, are violent for the sake of violence towards each other and only makes a living selling drugs.
Every ethnic group sell drugs (white men AND women probably do it more than others), but black people must have a wake up call: in the United States of America, the criminal justice system will look for you (black man) first. It's designed by people that want you out of their social and economic hairs. Is it a conspiracy, maybe, but I'm not one to go into that because if you truly don't sell drugs or do anything illegal for that matter; you don't go into the criminal justice beast. It's really simple. The victim slant of this doesn't hold much merit.
This is concludes my list of what I think white people don't like about black people. I'm sure someone will say that it doesn't address more issues or that this can be said about any other ethnic group. I'm not addressing other ethnic groups. I'm black and I've dealt mostly with white people. This is our time to work out things. Some blacks may call me a 'race traitor' for daring to speak out what we as an ethnic group need to be mindful of and what we need to do to blossom on the world stage. I say to them 'thank you' for confirming that I need to do this.
February 3, 2014
The Anti Thirsty Woman Guide: Take Back Your Power
Thirsty /ˈTHərstē/1. Too eager to get something (especially play)2. Desperate
Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way. There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.
Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way. There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.
Stop Your Thirsty Ways and Get the Man You Deserve
Thirsty /ˈTHərstē/1. Too eager to get something (especially play)2. Desperate
Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way. There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.
Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way. There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.
December 1, 2013
MIT Research Shows That Women Makes Groups Smarter
By Adrienne Burke | Profit Minded – Wed, Nov 27, 2013 4:40 PM
If you want to create a team that works intelligently, put more women on it than men. According to studies conducted by Thomas Malone, Professor of Management at the MIT Sloan School of Management the founding director of the MIT Center for Collective Intelligence, putting a bunch of smart people together doesn’t make a smart group. But populating a group with more women than men, or even exclusively with women, does tend to result in a group that works more intelligently.
Malone shared his findings recently at the Techonomy13 conference in Tucson, Ariz., where tech industry elites were invited to spend three days considering the most important topics in our technologically advanced society. According to Malone, “It’s becoming increasingly important to think of businesses and organizations in terms of how intelligent, not just how productive or efficient, they are.”There are many tests and standards for measuring individual intelligence. But, Malone says, until now there has been no way to measure the intelligence of a group. “If you give a bunch of individuals a wide range of tasks and look at how well they do, intelligence is the factor that the test measures. Nobody had ever asked if there is a similar factor for groups,” he says.His research team at MIT set out to figure it out. Malone says he and his colleagues asked groups of between two and five people to perform tasks in the lab and applied to the entire group’s performance the same statistical techniques used to measure individual intelligence.
The surprising finding: individual intelligence is only moderately correlated with group intelligence. If it’s not smart people, then what is it that makes a group smart? “We found three significantly correlated factors,” says Malone.One is the average social perceptiveness of the group members. The researchers measured social perceptiveness by administering a test called “reading the mind in eyes.” In that test, the study subject tries to guess what each person in a series of 36 photographs is feeling by looking only at their eyes. “When a bunch of people in the group are good at that, then group on average is more intelligent,” Malone says.
Also correlated to the level of intelligence of the group was the degree to which members participated equally in the discussion. “If one or two people in the group dominated, then on average the group was less collectively intelligent,” Malone says his research found.Finally, the percentage of women in the group was a predictor of the group’s intelligence. “More women was correlated with more intelligence,” he says.
To be sure, this last result was largely explained statistically by the first: It was already known that, on average, women score higher than men do on the social perceptiveness test. So, Malone says, it could be that what you really need for a group to be intelligent is uniformly high scores on the social perceptiveness test. He says the study was not designed to consider that. But, he says, “as best we could tell from looking at the results, a group that is half men and half women seems to be the worst combination.” Instead, they found a linear correlation, indicating that up to and including a group all women seems to be correlated with higher group intelligence.Interestingly, the findings hold up in electronic collaboration among a group as well as they do in verbal collaboration. In some tests, the groups came together online and could only communicate by text chat. “It turned out that the average social perceptiveness of group members was equally applied, even when they can’t see each other’s eyes at all,” Malone says. He believes this means that a high score in the ‘reading the mind in the eyes’ test must be correlated with broader range of social skills and social intelligence.
If you score poorly on the test for social perceptiveness, don’t despair. The New York Times reported recently that researchers have discovered that you can improve your score by reading literature by Chekhov or Alice Munro. Perhaps there’s hope for teams of men."Groups are smarter with women, MIT research shows | Profit Minded - Yahoo Small Business Advisor" http://feedly.com/k/1iqhnWp
November 27, 2013
WIFE SONG: Can't Stay Away From Each Other
When I thought of uComing into my mindThen I saw uSo beautiful and divine-Your spirit so sweet-Your voice is so meekAnd then I touched uKnowing things wouldn’t b the samePicking cozmyk flowersMassaging your soul with timeMinutes turn to hoursWhen we merge our body and mind-I miss u so much-When I don’t feel your touchBut when I touch uI can’t help myself, u can’t help yourselfBaby, we can’t stay away from each otherAnd I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherNot a single hour or dayWe can’t stay away from each otherStill, I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherThe hours turn into daysWhen I lay with uLooking at our starry skyThen I see your faceAnd mine, in the moonlight-Your love is so strong-your voice whisper a songAnd then I loved uStars over our heads, grass as our bedBaby, we can’t stay away from each otherAnd I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherNot a single hour or dayWe can’t stay away from each otherStill, I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherThe hours turn into days
You may purchase this song here.
Ari Meier Copyright 2013 ©
SONG: Can't Stay Away From Each Other
When I thought of uComing into my mindThen I saw uSo beautiful and divine-Your spirit so sweet-Your voice is so meekAnd then I touched uKnowing things wouldn’t b the samePicking cozmyk flowersMassaging your soul with timeMinutes turn to hoursWhen we merge our body and mind-I miss u so much-When I don’t feel your touchBut when I touch uI can’t help myself, u can’t help yourselfBaby, we can’t stay away from each otherAnd I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherNot a single hour or dayWe can’t stay away from each otherStill, I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherThe hours turn into daysWhen I lay with uLooking at our starry skyThen I see your faceAnd mine, in the moonlight-Your love is so strong-your voice whisper a songAnd then I loved uStars over our heads, grass as our bedBaby, we can’t stay away from each otherAnd I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each otherNot a single hour or dayWe can’t stay away from each otherStill, I don’t know what to sayWe can’t stay away from each other
The hours turn into days
Ari Meier Copyright 2013 ©
October 28, 2013
This is What I've Concluded About You From My Ten-Year Experiment
Some parts of society have become the biggest reality show. Seriously. Much of today's pop culture and I use the word culture loosely; is nothing more than a bunch of mostly bored and boring people being safe, thinking safe and living or should I say imagining a more robust life (like that of a reality show star). These people use social media to 're-imagine' themselves as bottle-popping party heads, surrounded by the 'coolest' people (who are usually homogenized, like milk).I've recently concluded a ten year experiment. My experiment, while far from being scientific, has been mostly anecdotal. I decided that I wouldn't allow the people to know that they were my subjects as the interactions had to be as real as possible.
My unscientific conclusions:
1. People need to feel safe from true trendsetters. What's funny about this is people are intrinsically trendy, but this trendiness only goes as far as what everybody else is approving of. Many men are still afraid to be themselves because they have to hide their insecurities in a mixture of testosterone and the 'my d**k is bigger than yours-isms.' Many people are also not hardwired to understand a true trendsetter because the true trendsetter is usually someone that they'll consider weird or eccentric. These people are so allergic to true change agents that they can sometimes get visibly upset when communicating with or even seeing them.
2. Original thinkers are becoming rarer. I've not come across more than 5 truly innovative thinking persons during my ten year study. The intelligence of the people studied ranged from below average to above average and smart(some of the above average and smart ones are the ones that tended to override their below the surface fears and jealousies when they encountered someone who may be MENSA smart by trying to correct the way they speak, write or how they operate as a whole. These types are fun.
3. People are not as good as they think they are. People fashion themselves as decent on one end and as mini Jesuses on the other end of the spectrum. They don't realize that most highly intelligent and intuitive (notice I wrote intuitive) people are ahead of these faux goodie two shoes by many steps. Smart intuitive people only entertain these types just for that, entertainment...and maybe some future benefit.
4. People need to feel that they are different from groups that look different. Most people are not truly racist, but most are culturally separatists. There's nothing wrong with this. The only problem is when one think that being in a group that looks like______________, are better than the ones which look like__________. Most people that are compared based on social and class structures, tended to be more alike than those sorted by ethnic brands. While there are people in every ethnic group that would love to see a "race war" , unfortunately (for them), this probably won't ever happen because of all the 'gray' social, philosophical and sexual ties (underground and overt) of many ethnic groups. We love each other more than we want to admit!
5. Most people are not with who they want to be with. I've heard more complaining and screaming about bad guys and a few bad women and it makes me wonder: wtf you were doing when you selected this one? Why is the divorce rate so high and at the same time there are so many wedding planners and infrastructure that's setup for getting married? Why get married if you're a natural cheater? The relationship summary from my ten year study is that many people are unhappy, depressed, have holes and need someone to fill their holes, so they find that soul that is best at hole filling, not necessarily the one that will actually stick with them, or be considerate or even keep a damn job.
There are a few other types that I won't discuss at this time, but may cover in a future post or posts and if you're terribly disappointed because you wanted more words in this post ("you should've touched more on this topic"), I say be patient, I may formalize it in a mini book, part of a big book or I may just leave it as is. But stand by to agree with or hate me.
My Experiment Exposed
Some parts of society have become the biggest reality show. Seriously. Much of today's pop culture and I use the word culture loosely; is nothing more than a bunch of mostly bored and boring people being safe, thinking safe and living or should I say imagining a more robust life (like that of a reality show star). These people use social media to 're-imagine' themselves as bottle-popping party heads, surrounded by the 'coolest' people (who are usually homogenized, like milk).I've recently concluded a ten year experiment. My experiment, while far from being scientific, has been mostly anecdotal. I decided that I wouldn't allow the people to know that they were my subjects as the interactions had to be as real as possible.
My unscientific conclusions:
1. People need to feel safe from true trendsetters. What's funny about this is people are intrinsically trendy, but this trendiness only goes as far as what everybody else is approving of. Many men are still afraid to be themselves because they have to hide their insecurities in a mixture of testosterone and the 'my d**k is bigger than yours-isms.' Many people are also not hardwired to understand a true trendsetter because the true trendsetter is usually someone that they'll consider weird or eccentric. These people are so allergic to true change agents that they can sometimes get visibly upset when communicating with or even seeing them.
2. Original thinkers are becoming rarer. I've not come across more than 5 truly innovative thinking persons during my ten year study. The intelligence of the people studied ranged from below average to above average and smart(some of the above average and smart ones are the ones that tended to override their below the surface fears and jealousies when they encountered someone who may be MENSA smart by trying to correct the way they speak, write or how they operate as a whole. These types are fun.
3. People are not as good as they think they are. People fashion themselves as decent on one end and as mini Jesuses on the other end of the spectrum. They don't realize that most highly intelligent and intuitive (notice I wrote intuitive) people are ahead of these faux goodie two shoes by many steps. Smart intuitive people only entertain these types just for that, entertainment...and maybe some future benefit.
4. People need to feel that they are different from groups that look different. Most people are not truly racist, but most are culturally separatists. There's nothing wrong with this. The only problem is when
one think that being in a group that looks like______________, are better than the ones which look like__________. Most people that are compared based on social and class structures, tended to be more alike than those sorted by ethnic brands. While there are people in every ethnic group that would love to see a "race war" , unfortunately (for them), this probably won't ever happen because of all the 'gray' social, philosophical and sexual ties (underground and overt) of many ethnic groups. We love each other more than we want to admit!
5. Most people are not with who they want to be with. I've heard more complaining and screaming about bad guys and a few bad women and it makes me wonder: wtf you were doing when you selected this one? Why is the divorce rate so high and at the same time there are so many wedding planners and infrastructure that's setup for getting married? Why get married if you're a natural cheater? The relationship summary from my ten year study is that many people are unhappy, depressed, have holes and need someone to fill their holes, so they find that soul that is best at hole filling, not necessarily the one that will actually stick with them, or be considerate or even keep a damn job.
There are a few other types that I won't discuss at this time, but may cover in a future post or posts and if you're terribly disappointed because you wanted more words in this post ("you should've touched more on this topic"), I say be patient, I may formalize it in a mini book, part of a big book or I may just leave it as is. But stand by to agree with or hate me.
You May Have Been a Part of My Experiment
The world has become the biggest reality show. Seriously. Much of today's pop culture and I use the word culture loosely; is nothing more than a bunch of mostly bored and boring people being safe, thinking safe and living or should I say imagining a more robust life (like that of a reality show star). These people use social media to 'reimagine' themselves as bottle-popping party heads, surrounded by the coolest people (who are usually homogenized, like milk).I've recently concluded a ten year experiment. My experiment, while far from being scientific, has been mostly anecdotal. I decided that I wouldn't allow the people to know that they were my subjects as the interactions had to be as real as possible.
My unscientific conclusions:
1. People need to feel safe from true trendsetters. What's funny about this is people are intrinsically super trendy, but the trendiness is as far as what everybody else is approving of. Many men are still afraid to be themselves because they have to hide their insecurities in a mixture of testosterone and the my d$^k is bigger than yours-isms. Many people are not hardwired to understand a true trendsetter because the true trendsetter is usually someone that they'll consider weird or eccentric. These people are so allergic to true change agents that they can sometimes get visibly upset when communicating with or even seeing them.
2. Original thinkers are becoming rarer. I've not come across more than 5 truly innovative thinking persons during the ten year study. Everyone else ranges from below average, to average, to above average and smart(some of the above average and smart ones are the ones that tend to override their below the surface fears and jealousies when they encounter someone who may be MENSA smart by trying to correct the way they speak, write or how they operate as a whole. These types are fun.
3. People are not as good as they think they are. People fashion themselves as decent on one end and as mini Jesuses on the other end of the spectrum. They don't realize that most highly intelligent and intuitive (notice I wrote intuitive) people are ahead of these faux goodie two shoes by many steps. Smart intuitive people only entertain these types just for that, entertainment...and maybe some future benefit.
4. People need to feel that they are different from groups that look different and therefore better than these other groups. Not all people are truly racist, but most are culturally separatists. There's nothing wrong with this. The only problem is when
you think that being in a group that looks like______________, are better than the ones which look like__________. Most people divided into social and class structures tend to me more alike than those sorted by ethnic brands. While there are people in every ethnic group that would love to see a "race war" , unfortunately (for them), this probably won't ever happen because of all the 'gray' social, philosophical and sexual ties (underground and overt) of all of the ethnic groups. We love each other more than we want to admit!
5. Most people are not with who they want to be with. I've heard more complaining and screaming about bad guys and a few bad women and it makes me wonder, wtf you were doing when you selected this one? Why is the divorce rate so high and at the same time there are so many wedding planners and infrastructure setup for getting married? Why get married if you're a natural cheater? The relationship summary from my ten year study is that many people are unhappy, depressed, have holes and need someone to fill their holes, so they find that soul that is best at hole filling, not necessarily the one that will actually stick with them, or be considerate or even keep a damn job.
There are a few other types that I won't discuss at this time, but may cover in a future post or posts and if you're terribly disappointed because you wanted more words in this post ("you should've touched more on this topic"), I say be patient, I may formalize it in a mini book, part of a big book or I may just leave it as is. But stand by to agree with or hate me.
SURREALIST POETRY: 14 Degrees @ 7.5 A = Fridinarosism
I wrote this poem many years ago inspired from waiting on the bus on a ridiculously cold morning. Winds were nipping at my neck, my eyeballs glazed over with ice and my hand fell off of my arm, but not really.
the chilly ancient wind wrapping itself around me
standing next to the fast car asphalt strip
waiting for my big ride
I'm cold and feeling silly against my anger for tearing into that bus for its slow time
how dare this hot seat driver make me wait with the guilty wind
I made my mind comfortable and sane with the memory of the hot house
but oh, this ancient of cruddy cold winds
whipping me in its frigid smoothee hell
each passing car seemed to carry laughing warm people
as I still carry the patience of my survival
It seems that....one of my toes rolled off my foot
I reached down to pick up my brown okra like toe
to only find that my hand shattered as it touched the toe
my shattered and broken from the arm hand, still held my toe
loosening the other hand from my frozen pocket
I carefully grab the fallen hand
holding it as a statue of liberty torch
only without the flame and the arm angle
my ride arrives (the bus)
happy to leave my evil cold caretaker behind
I hop into the bus, holding my dead balled up spider-like hand
clutching a big cylinder-like bug
the bus heat welcomed me like a thermodynamic mother
the chilly ancient wind wrapping itself around me
standing next to the fast car asphalt strip
waiting for my big ride
I'm cold and feeling silly against my anger for tearing into that bus for its slow time
how dare this hot seat driver make me wait with the guilty wind
I made my mind comfortable and sane with the memory of the hot house
but oh, this ancient of cruddy cold winds
whipping me in its frigid smoothee hell
each passing car seemed to carry laughing warm people
as I still carry the patience of my survival
It seems that....one of my toes rolled off my foot
I reached down to pick up my brown okra like toe
to only find that my hand shattered as it touched the toe
my shattered and broken from the arm hand, still held my toe
loosening the other hand from my frozen pocket
I carefully grab the fallen hand
holding it as a statue of liberty torch
only without the flame and the arm angle
my ride arrives (the bus)
happy to leave my evil cold caretaker behind
I hop into the bus, holding my dead balled up spider-like hand
clutching a big cylinder-like bug
the bus heat welcomed me like a thermodynamic mother
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