Andrew Zabriskie's Blog: The Cyfandir Project, page 3

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8/25 - I got so busy last week that I forgot to write my weekly post (but I don't think anyone noticed).

I've had no desire to write recently. Partly due to spending time enjoying other things, and partly due to not knowing where to go next, which makes the first part easier to embrace, leaving no free time.

I have great ideas planned several steps ahead, but the very next step in the story is a big fat blank, and I can't get around it (or I'm being stubborn and I refuse to skip ahead and come back later, though truth be told, that's gotten me in trouble in the past).

On the bright side, I have a great new idea for Rayvn's origin story, intended to be a novella. It's NOT a prequel, 'cause I don't do prequels. But I love his character, and I was inspired by the storytelling mechanics of a particular work of fiction I deeply enjoy.

Colby and I are finished. Through. Over. She was no good for me, but we shared something special, and I'll always miss her, but I know I better off without her. Snack love is brutal. The creepy thing is, this dynamic was eerily parallel to an actual, real-life dating relationship I had in college. Hmm....

Hopefully I'll buckle down and push through this writer's block soon. Wouldn't want to keep the entire internet in suspense! The real challenge will be to do it without Colby by my side, but I know it can be done. I've got to, mister!

Jeep Cherokee: the Chuck Norris of automobiles.

BOTB2

8/13 - Still pounding away at the brotherhood arc. In the process, I came up with a few tweaks to Rayvn's arc.

I currently don't have a cover design for this volume. Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about it at this point, but it floats past my attention like a random cloud every now and then. The idea for the first cover came to me so easily, so clearly. Hopefully this one will become evident sooner than later - or at least by the time I'm ready to publish.

Making time to write has been challenging these past few weeks. I'm hoping things will settle down now that summer is coming to a close. I'm also hoping to find a healthy, crunchy snack to have for writer's block, 'cause Colby is killing me. It's been such a chaotic, roller-coaster, love-hate, dysfunctional relationship that's doomed to fail spectacularly. She's not good to me, but I love her in spite of my waistline. I took her back, but it's the same old routine. Relationships don't grow if no one is willing to change. What's a guy to do?

Contrary to what Folgers says, the best part of waking up is simply waking up.

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8/2 - I want to rock right now, and I am internationally known, according to my ebook sales.

Yesterday I had a major breakthrough with the Brotherhood arc. A simple question: what if they go here first, instead of there? What a game changer. This got me past a major hurdle, though admittedly it also created two new problems, but I'll cross those bridges when I get to them...or just blow them up and swim across.

I went to another author's website because I'm reading him and was curious to learn more about him. I started reading his tips for writing, and I was super encouraged to discover that some of his advice was very similar to some of the thoughts I've been sharing in this blog, which chased away the fears that I've been talking out my ear this whole time. I'm on the right track! And I haven't misled anyone! Double yay!!

It occurred to me this morning that sharing opinions can be potentially dangerous in that they have the ability to start needless debates. Yes, needless. Why? Because in our minds (we all do this) an opinion HAS to be either right or wrong. There's nothing wrong with feeling passionate about our opinions, as long as we're able to acknowledge and respect the validity of others' passion for a different or opposing opinion. They are not wrong, or stupid - after all, it's just an opinion.

Some opinions seem more important than others, but there are very few absolute truths in this world. No one gets into a heated debate over whether or not gravity exists.

Anyway, back to the book. Things are about to go boom....

I did the math, and while it still takes 2 to make a thing go right, it actually takes 37 to make it outta' sight.

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7/31 - And then I saw her, standing exactly where I'd hoped to find her, though in truth I hadn't expected to. She'd been gone for months now. A part of me had given up hope weeks ago, but another part of me, deeper than the first, refused to stop looking, despite what I feared to be true.

This irrational, hopelessly romantic part was finally rewarded. As I passed by the isle and cast my habitual glance in the vain hope of catching a glimpse, there she was, looking back at me. Perhaps it's nothing more than the projection of my subconscious desire, but she seemed to be waiting for me, happy to see me.

She had a new look, but there was no mistaking her. How could I? It was obvious.

"I missed you," escaped my lips in a sigh of relief before I could hold it back. My excitement was quickly chased away by a wave of guilt; I knew I had to tell her. I suddenly hated myself for my doubt, my weakness. "I tried to move on," I said, looking away. She said nothing. When I returned my gaze, there was only acceptance of what had transpired beyond the control of either of us. Forgiveness. I embraced her and took her home.

And so Colby and I are together again. Apparently the Cheez-it marketing team decided a new box cover was necessary to promote their products, but the taste speaks for itself. Honestly; they could be in a brown paper bag and I'd still buy them.

The moral of the story? Once you go Colby, you never go back.

Oh, by the way, I'm making good progress on my real book. Sollin's arc is almost finished, and I had a breakthrough in the plot course of the Brotherhood, so I'm excited to see where that leads.

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7/22 - Today I had a very thought-provoking lunch with a dear friend that left me wondering: how do I make my characters interesting? Specifically, how do I get the reader to engage so fully that they actually care what happens to these fictional people? It's like real-world magic.

Perhaps they already are to some people, and I know I can't please/entertain everyone, but I still need to make sure I'm not writing garbage.

It's kinda like cooking - certain ingredients that I enjoy might taste delicious to me all mashed together, but that very combination might be repulsive to others. I can't get enough garlic. I love it so much, I put it in my coffee. Not really, but still.

I like characters that, like us in the real world, are shades of grey - neither perfectly good nor evil - though for some reason it's nice to have a completely insidious psychopath as a villain. I dunno; maybe it makes it easier for me to justify killing him in a spectacular fashion, and the reader to justify applauding it.

And that's another thing. I've read some great books by some great authors, but found some of their material to be too graphic, whether regarding sex or violence or both. This is not a criticism of anyone's writing talent, just a matter of personal taste. Some people may find that entertaining, others may not even notice. It's a little distracting to me and in some cases actually takes away from the story. And yet, sex and violence are a part of life. I can't write about one country invading another without battles and death. They're not exactly trying to resolve their differences with rock-paper-scissors (lizard-spock is optional).

So how do I convey intensity without unnecessary vulgarity or graphic imagery? I suppose this is my quest, as I am also a character in the story of life...

Signing up for a credit card? Priceless. Becoming enslaved to deficit spending as a result of surrendering to the whims of instant gratification? Ridiculously expensive.

BOTB2

7/15 - Doubt can be as crippling, if not more so, than writer's block. For those of us who deal with it, doubt in our abilities and our work is ever-present, like a ruthless hunter, relentlessly stalking us, eagerly exploiting every opportunity to strike.

As a writer, I'm sure I'm not alone on those days when I wake up and I'm gripped with the overwhelming sensation that everything I've ever written and ever will write is utter garbage. There seems to be an infinite host of critics and bullies in my head, mocking and jeering, trying to persuade me to give up.

"My book is terrible. No one likes it. It's not good enough to hold it's own in the world of fiction novels."

I hear this a lot, so I have to fight it with the following weapons:

1) The first book is rarely the best for anyone. You've got to start somewhere, and as long as you're striving to learn and grow, any subsequent books should naturally get better. You can always write more.

2a) Some people will hate it, no matter what. Remember that art is whimsically subjective, and it's the right of every individual to like or not like a work of art without having to apologize for or justify their opinion. I'm not a fan of horror movies. Even if it's well made in every aspect, I won't enjoy it, because I don't enjoy willingly subjecting myself to fear and anxiety. Simple as that. It's not a knock on the writers' or actors' work, it's just not my thing. On the other hand, I can (and sometimes do) watch every episode of Joss Whedon's Firefly over and over and over again without seeing anything but perfection. Shiny.

2b) Some people will hate it no matter what, because for some perverse reason, they enjoy hating things and criticizing others. The anonymity of the internet has empowered these people, since those kind of antics are usually frowned upon in public. There will never be a shortage of them, so long as individuals continue to project their anger onto others in order to give themselves temporary relief from their own pain instead of facing it and resolving it and moving on with their lives. You must not allow their negativity to influence you - I know; way easier said than done, but still.

The best way to tell the difference between 2a people and 2b people is to identify the heart behind their criticism. Is it designed to help me get better, or is it designed to make them feel better? The right kind of criticism can be extremely helpful, and you must not be overly sensitive toward those who are sincerely trying to help, even if they're not flawless in their own articulation when they deliver said advice. Some people truly mean well, but have a hard time conveying it. We all need to grow in something.

3) This one is huge, especially for me. I control my own thoughts. I can choose to ignore the critics in my own head. Again, easier said than done, but necessary. Remember the pure motivation behind your writing, which hopefully is the simple fact that you love to write. You have a story to tell. If you're writing to become rich and/or famous, you probably won't be happy until that happens, and even if it does, it'll be harder for you to shrug off criticism.

"I'll be so rich and/or famous, I won't care what others think!" Yeah...good luck with that. The funny thing about fame is that it's entirely dependent on whether or not people love your work. Kind of a catch-22 to me. And rich? Chances are, that kind of motivation will reflect noticeably in your work, which will likely affect your fame, and well, there you are.

Conclusion: write on!! Maybe people don't/won't like my book. Maybe people don't/won't like this blog. Oh well. Life is short. I like me, I like my premise, and I like my characters, and I owe it to them to create the best story possible. I hope others enjoy the ride as well.

BOTB2

7/7 - Today, inspiration hit me like a bug on my windshield, and I actually wrote a chapter for book 3! It was the right dialogue and emotion to capture an upcoming scene that I had to get it down on digital paper.

Now, back to work on Captain Sollin - he's up to something crafty....

If you're like me, having music in the background is extremely helpful/vital to your writing, from establishing mood to maintaining focus to occasionally offering inspiration.

For me, it has to be instrumental. Lyrics are distracting, as I find myself wanting to listen to each word and the subsequent story they create. It's hard to write and read at the same time.

For those of you who also like instrumental background music, I recommend the group M83. I stumbled upon them by accident, and now I write almost exclusively with them on. My favorite albums are Saturdays = Youth and Hurry Up, We're Dreaming. Good stuff.

Also great, especially for fantasy writing, are the soundtracks to Lord of the Rings, Battlestar Galactica, Dragon Age, Fable, Nier, and Kingdoms of Amalur.

I also enjoy the works of James Horner, Vangelis, Ludovico Einaudi, and Motoi Sakuraba.

P.S. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck in thirty minutes if he had an automated catapult and a five-man crew?

Until next week...

Paid by the page???

7/2 - I know this violates my one-post-a-week policy, but I have a strong opinion about the following and wanted to document it. This social media thing is beginning to rub off...

A good friend of mine forwarded me an article about a discussion had on a radio talk show in Montreal. The topic was this: should authors be paid by the book or the page? I admit I didn't listen to the broadcast, only read the highlights listed in the article about the broadcast, but I had the impression that this is something Amazon is either planning on doing, or is already implementing.

This is a terrible idea for two reasons:

1) When compared to the concept of buying an album vs. buying a song, which was the argument used, each song is a unique, individual work of art. You can hate 5 out of 10 songs on an album, but that has no impact on the fact that you like the other 5. A book is one unique individual work of art. You can't just read chapters 4, 17, and 32 and have a complete and satisfied experience (anthologies may be the only exception).

2) Art is highly subjective, which means potential fans are highly fickle. You can buy a song (download), listen to the first thirty seconds, and decide you hate it. Nevertheless, you've still purchased the whole song. Transaction complete. If you read the first page of a book without buying the entire book and decide you don't like it, you may be only out a nickel, but I'm out a sale. Also, a book is more likely to grow on you the more you read than a song the more you listen.

I'd love to start a discussion about this one, since this is a website about books and authors. I'm assuming most would agree with me, but we all know that when we assume, the oceans rise, a distant star explodes, and Wal-Mart runs out of cheez-its.

BOTB2

7/1 - Last week I didn't do any writing, as I was on a "vacation" of sorts, which I "put in quotes" to heighten the "intrigue". I wasn't elbow deep in a box of Colby cheez-its while parked in from of the tv, that much is certain! Seriously, I wasn't, though I'm sure by now anyone reading my blog has conjured a mental image of me that's roughly akin to Jabba the Hut. And if not, you only have your imagination to blame.

I suppose that's the fun of anonymity - I could be that guy standing next to you in the check-out line at Wal-Mart, and you'd never know. I could be a famous celebrity seeking refuge in the ability to express their true self through the power of writing. I could be your mom.

But I digress. Back to the blog at hand (bonus points if you started singing the rest of it - you know what I'm talkin' 'bout)....

Good writing today. I was motivated to work on Sollin's character instead, so Jaxin's back up on the shelf (pouting like a real drama queen, I might add).

Gonna camp out with Sollin for a while, actually. He has much to do, and in some ways I feel he's very relatable to most of us, which makes him easier to write. It's often hard to balance success with humility, or fight despair when we fail, especially when we ping-pong between both extremes. Sometimes character grows through adversity.

It always amazes me how one little detail - like rain, for example - can change the entire direction of a scene and consequent scenes. Sometimes these little gems effect the entire plot of an arc. It's fun to be along for the ride.

My point? An outline is essential, because organization and structure are essential, but don't be too rigid with the details that you lose creative flexibility. Too often I tried to force a character, dialogue, action, or scene into my preconceived expectation because I was afraid to sit and stare at a blank screen, which in my mind meant a dead end.

On the contrary, it's wide open. And if the new material overwrites the old, that's ok. Sometimes it can't be saved, and sometimes it shouldn't. That's part of the growth and evolution of the project, and the very nature of art. I practically deleted two books while writing the first volume in this series, and I know more will follow. It's ok - if your ultimately satisfied with the product at the end of the day, you haven't wasted anything. If it takes me eight hours to write one paragraph, but it's the best paragraph I've ever written, it's worth it.

If you hit writer's block, don't stop writing.
If you receive inspiration contrary to the outline, don't stop writing.
If you run out of cheez-its, don't stop writing.
If your playlist ends, don't stop writing.
If writing no longer brings you joy, stop writing.

BOTB2

6/22- I took the day off to write because sometimes, that's just what you gotta do.

With the exceptions of changes made as a result of peer editing, Rayvn's story arc is now complete (and the crowd goes wild!)

I thought I'd tackle Jaxin's story arc next. I have a feeling this one will be harder by challenging me to dig deeper in conveying complex emotion. The major breakthrough scene between Robin Williams and Matt Damon near the end of Good Will Hunting is my inspiration for Jaxin's arc in this book. It's not my fault.

Thinking of my writing buddy up the road who seems to have a hard time just sitting down and writing, here's a tip I find useful: sit down and write.

No, seriously. I realize this is the third time I've mentioned this, but I can't tell you enough how effective this is. Start by just writing thoughts, as fragmented as they may seem, like "He arrived at the edge of town just as the sun met the horizon. The wizard would have to wait until morning." You can even ask yourself questions, like "how long to get there?".

This is different from outlining in the sense that it's right in the body of your manuscript as a constant reminder of your core thoughts for the scene. They serve as a primer for the pump of creativity, especially when I've got bupkis. Mine are usually tidbits of dialogue or exposition that I feel capture the essence of the scene. In many cases I later blend those snippets into the actual story.

In Jaxin's case, I'll probably write a bit of that scene from Good Will Hunting just to help me stay in that mood and reach that goal of intense vulnerability.

So it's official: Colby and I are separated. However, in the wake of this heartbreaking catastrophe, I've rebounded with reduced fat original flavor. There's promise in this relationship; I may yet learn to love again. I'll keep you posted.