Michael Kun's Blog, page 2
February 28, 2009
New Short Story Out -- Let Me Know If It Does Anything For You
Corrections Department
by Michael Kun
February
In Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare," which was published in our January issue, it was incorrectly stated that Germany is shaped like a boot. Instead, it should have stated that Germany is shaped like a book. We sincerely apologize for any confusion this error may have caused our readers.
March
In our Feburary Corrections, we erroneously reported that Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare" should have stated that Germany is shaped like a book. Instead, it should have stated that Italy is shaped like a boot, and there should have been no mention at all of Germany as the entire piece takes place in Tuscany, which is a village in Italy, not Germany. We apologize for any confusion this error may have caused our readers.
April
In last month's Corrections, we reported that Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare" should have stated that Italy is shaped like a boot. In fact, the author intended to state that Germany is shaped like a boot, which in fact was what we originally published. Apparently, stating that Germany is shaped like a boot, when it in fact is not, and when anyone who has ever seen a placemat in a pizzeria knows that Italy is shaped like a boot, was meant to be a joke. We apologize for any confusion, but can you really blame us? I mean, we would have recognized it as a joke if it were, you know, funny.
May
In the Corrections that were published in our April issue, we suggested that Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare," might not be funny. Or might not be as funny as he thinks he is. We apologize for this erroneous suggestion. Joe DeLammelure? Funny guy. We're laughing just thinking about some of his witticisms. That joke about Germany looking like a boot? Hoo, boy. If you could just see us now, you'd see that we're practically doubled over with laughter. Germany? Shaped like a boot? Please stop, I'm going to pee my pants!
June
In the Corrections in our May issue, we used an unfortunate expression regarding urination in referring to Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare." We did not know that Mr. DeLammelure recently had his prostate removed and is suffering from incontinence, and our remarks were not meant to ridicule him or diminish in any way his victory over a dread disease. We sincerely apologize to him and to any readers suffering from incontinence, which we undersand now is a serious medical condition that is no laughing matter. What is a laughing matter, however, is anything Joe DeLammelure might write or say, or even contemplate writing or saying. His joke about Germany looking like a boot? Priceless. His pun in the title of his article, calling it "A Cross to Bare" instead of "A Cross to Bear"? You'd have to read the title very carefully just to catch it. All the money his parents scrimped and saved to put him through college has paid off.
July
In our June Corrections, we erroneously provided you with private medical information about Joe DeLammelure, which is protected from disclosure by a variety of federal laws and regulations. We apologize and ask you to kindly discard your June issue, if you have not done so already. As far as you know, Joe DeLammelure's prostate remains inside his body, and his urine is just fine, thank you. We also erroneously suggested that Joe DeLammelure's parents scrimped and saved to put him through college. In fact, as we have since learned, Joe's parents abandoned him at a very young age at an office supply store, and Joe lived on his own in a hut in the woods that he fashioned out of sticks and mud, teaching himself to read and write by candlelight while working in a coal mine to save money to pay his way through college. But that does not change our opinion about whether he is funny. In fact, it would be patronizing for us to pretend that the whole Germany-looks-like-a-boot thing was funny just because it was written by a self-taught, coal-mining orphan, don't you think? Don't you think that Joe deserves an honest assessment of his work? Don't you think that is precisely what he would want?
August
Last month, in our Corrections section, we erroneously stated that Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare," would like an honest assessment of his work. Apparently, Joe would like to be praised about his writing, regardless of the merits.
September
In the Corrections that were published in our August issue, we erroneously stated that Joe DeLammelure would like to be praised for his writing. In fact, we should have stated that Joe would like to be praised about everything. Why don't you just stop by sometime, Joe, and give us a list of all of the many things for which we should praise you.
October
You know how life is just chock full of surprises? You start the day expecting one thing, then something else entirely different happens? Well, we at the Corrections Department are not immune to life's wonders. So let us state for the record that Joe DeLammelure was incredible in bed last night. Sensitive, passionate, energetic, creative, selfless. He made us tremble. And now, after a few glasses of red wine, we understand the Germany-looks-like-a-boot joke. It was over our heads at first, but now we get it. It's very, very funny. We hope Joe calls us again. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but he could be "the one."
November
In our October Corrections, we said that we hoped Joe DeLammelure would call us again after our intimate encounter. We did not hear from Joe. Joe, did you lose the phone number we gave you? If so, you can call us at the office. Our number is on the masthead. We'd love for you to meet our mother. She's making brisket on Thursday. For all of her many deficiencies, she makes an excellent brisket. (The secret ingredient? Beer. Shhh.) We told her all about you (except the prostate). She laughed so hard that she snorted when we told her about Germany!
December
Last month, in our Corrections section, we made a completely unprofessional plea to author Joe DeLammelure to call us. To the extent that anyone was offended by our implication that we longed for Joe to hold us in his arms and press his lips against ours until we quivered, or that we would be available at any time to fulfill any fantasy Joe might have -- and we do mean any -- we apologize. And with the holidays fast approaching, if anyone is looking for a gift for someone special who may happen to work in the Corrections Department, might we suggest taking a look at the cashmere throws advertised on page 86.
January
See anything you like, Joe?
February
In our January issue, we erroneously printed the words, "We Love You, Joe" in bold red letters on the cover of the magazine, where the title of the magazine normally appears. We also erroneously included several "modeling" photographs of ourselves throughout the issue, including doing so in an article about human rights in China. We apologize to any readers who may have been disturbed by the photographs. We are not professional models. You do not need to remind us of that. You do not need to remind us that we could stand to lose 20 pounds, which could be the reason Joe never calls.
March
Beginning this month, the Corrections Department will be taking a short leave of absence for personal reasons. In its place, we will be running old Peanuts strips. Joe loves Peanuts.
by Michael Kun
February
In Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare," which was published in our January issue, it was incorrectly stated that Germany is shaped like a boot. Instead, it should have stated that Germany is shaped like a book. We sincerely apologize for any confusion this error may have caused our readers.
March
In our Feburary Corrections, we erroneously reported that Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare" should have stated that Germany is shaped like a book. Instead, it should have stated that Italy is shaped like a boot, and there should have been no mention at all of Germany as the entire piece takes place in Tuscany, which is a village in Italy, not Germany. We apologize for any confusion this error may have caused our readers.
April
In last month's Corrections, we reported that Joe DeLammelure's "A Cross to Bare" should have stated that Italy is shaped like a boot. In fact, the author intended to state that Germany is shaped like a boot, which in fact was what we originally published. Apparently, stating that Germany is shaped like a boot, when it in fact is not, and when anyone who has ever seen a placemat in a pizzeria knows that Italy is shaped like a boot, was meant to be a joke. We apologize for any confusion, but can you really blame us? I mean, we would have recognized it as a joke if it were, you know, funny.
May
In the Corrections that were published in our April issue, we suggested that Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare," might not be funny. Or might not be as funny as he thinks he is. We apologize for this erroneous suggestion. Joe DeLammelure? Funny guy. We're laughing just thinking about some of his witticisms. That joke about Germany looking like a boot? Hoo, boy. If you could just see us now, you'd see that we're practically doubled over with laughter. Germany? Shaped like a boot? Please stop, I'm going to pee my pants!
June
In the Corrections in our May issue, we used an unfortunate expression regarding urination in referring to Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare." We did not know that Mr. DeLammelure recently had his prostate removed and is suffering from incontinence, and our remarks were not meant to ridicule him or diminish in any way his victory over a dread disease. We sincerely apologize to him and to any readers suffering from incontinence, which we undersand now is a serious medical condition that is no laughing matter. What is a laughing matter, however, is anything Joe DeLammelure might write or say, or even contemplate writing or saying. His joke about Germany looking like a boot? Priceless. His pun in the title of his article, calling it "A Cross to Bare" instead of "A Cross to Bear"? You'd have to read the title very carefully just to catch it. All the money his parents scrimped and saved to put him through college has paid off.
July
In our June Corrections, we erroneously provided you with private medical information about Joe DeLammelure, which is protected from disclosure by a variety of federal laws and regulations. We apologize and ask you to kindly discard your June issue, if you have not done so already. As far as you know, Joe DeLammelure's prostate remains inside his body, and his urine is just fine, thank you. We also erroneously suggested that Joe DeLammelure's parents scrimped and saved to put him through college. In fact, as we have since learned, Joe's parents abandoned him at a very young age at an office supply store, and Joe lived on his own in a hut in the woods that he fashioned out of sticks and mud, teaching himself to read and write by candlelight while working in a coal mine to save money to pay his way through college. But that does not change our opinion about whether he is funny. In fact, it would be patronizing for us to pretend that the whole Germany-looks-like-a-boot thing was funny just because it was written by a self-taught, coal-mining orphan, don't you think? Don't you think that Joe deserves an honest assessment of his work? Don't you think that is precisely what he would want?
August
Last month, in our Corrections section, we erroneously stated that Joe DeLammelure, author of "A Cross to Bare," would like an honest assessment of his work. Apparently, Joe would like to be praised about his writing, regardless of the merits.
September
In the Corrections that were published in our August issue, we erroneously stated that Joe DeLammelure would like to be praised for his writing. In fact, we should have stated that Joe would like to be praised about everything. Why don't you just stop by sometime, Joe, and give us a list of all of the many things for which we should praise you.
October
You know how life is just chock full of surprises? You start the day expecting one thing, then something else entirely different happens? Well, we at the Corrections Department are not immune to life's wonders. So let us state for the record that Joe DeLammelure was incredible in bed last night. Sensitive, passionate, energetic, creative, selfless. He made us tremble. And now, after a few glasses of red wine, we understand the Germany-looks-like-a-boot joke. It was over our heads at first, but now we get it. It's very, very funny. We hope Joe calls us again. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but he could be "the one."
November
In our October Corrections, we said that we hoped Joe DeLammelure would call us again after our intimate encounter. We did not hear from Joe. Joe, did you lose the phone number we gave you? If so, you can call us at the office. Our number is on the masthead. We'd love for you to meet our mother. She's making brisket on Thursday. For all of her many deficiencies, she makes an excellent brisket. (The secret ingredient? Beer. Shhh.) We told her all about you (except the prostate). She laughed so hard that she snorted when we told her about Germany!
December
Last month, in our Corrections section, we made a completely unprofessional plea to author Joe DeLammelure to call us. To the extent that anyone was offended by our implication that we longed for Joe to hold us in his arms and press his lips against ours until we quivered, or that we would be available at any time to fulfill any fantasy Joe might have -- and we do mean any -- we apologize. And with the holidays fast approaching, if anyone is looking for a gift for someone special who may happen to work in the Corrections Department, might we suggest taking a look at the cashmere throws advertised on page 86.
January
See anything you like, Joe?
February
In our January issue, we erroneously printed the words, "We Love You, Joe" in bold red letters on the cover of the magazine, where the title of the magazine normally appears. We also erroneously included several "modeling" photographs of ourselves throughout the issue, including doing so in an article about human rights in China. We apologize to any readers who may have been disturbed by the photographs. We are not professional models. You do not need to remind us of that. You do not need to remind us that we could stand to lose 20 pounds, which could be the reason Joe never calls.
March
Beginning this month, the Corrections Department will be taking a short leave of absence for personal reasons. In its place, we will be running old Peanuts strips. Joe loves Peanuts.
