Tony Noland's Blog, page 16
March 14, 2014
#FridayFlash: Waiting for Inspiration
The therapist's pen stopped, mid-sentence. She looked up from her pad, her face set in a well-practiced expression of calm concern mixed with caring support and professional interest. It was an expression she'd worked on in front of a mirror.
"You've mentioned thoughts of suicide before," she said, "but this is the first time I've heard you say that you've already written a note."
"No," the patient said, "I guess I haven't really talked about it."
"And what can you tell me about the note?"
"Just that it's not good enough. Like everything else in my life, it's terrible. It's probably the worst suicide note anybody ever wrote. It's an embarrassment, really."
"I see."
"Honestly, that's the only thing that's kept me from throwing myself off the roof of my apartment building. I'm still revising it, trying to get it to sound right. I can't bear the thought that I'll finally work up the courage to kill myself, only to leave behind a trite, stupid-sounding suicide note."
"What I'm hearing is that you aren't satisfied with the note you've written. Is that right?"
The patient sighed. "It's not that I'm not satisfied with it. It's that it sucks. I want to write something that will MOVE people, that will really encapsulate the pain and black emptiness that consumes me. I want them all to understand just what a bitter joke my life has become, and why the world would be a better place without me."
"This is something you want 'people' to understand? Who, specifically? Who do you want to communicate this to?"
"I don't know. Everybody. Nobody."
"Do you feel that you're going to attempt suicide soon? When you leave here today, what do you see yourself doing?"
"Soon? Not likely. I can't get the damned words right. I just don't know what to do, doctor."
The therapist set down the pen and pad, then rose to move to her desk. She picked up the phone and started dialing.
"Here's what we're going to do. I don't want you to go home. I'm going to admit you to St. Anthony's for a couple of days of observation. There are some tests I want to run before we take a fresh look at your medication schedule."
"Can I bring my note? Work on it while I'm in the hospital?"
"I'd like to see it, yes. We can go over it together." She turned and spoke quietly into the phone, better at keeping urgency out of her expression than she was at keeping it out of her voice.
The patient lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
"You know," he said to himself, barely above a whisper, "maybe a writing retreat IS just what I need."
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
"You've mentioned thoughts of suicide before," she said, "but this is the first time I've heard you say that you've already written a note."
"No," the patient said, "I guess I haven't really talked about it."
"And what can you tell me about the note?"
"Just that it's not good enough. Like everything else in my life, it's terrible. It's probably the worst suicide note anybody ever wrote. It's an embarrassment, really."
"I see."
"Honestly, that's the only thing that's kept me from throwing myself off the roof of my apartment building. I'm still revising it, trying to get it to sound right. I can't bear the thought that I'll finally work up the courage to kill myself, only to leave behind a trite, stupid-sounding suicide note."
"What I'm hearing is that you aren't satisfied with the note you've written. Is that right?"
The patient sighed. "It's not that I'm not satisfied with it. It's that it sucks. I want to write something that will MOVE people, that will really encapsulate the pain and black emptiness that consumes me. I want them all to understand just what a bitter joke my life has become, and why the world would be a better place without me."
"This is something you want 'people' to understand? Who, specifically? Who do you want to communicate this to?"
"I don't know. Everybody. Nobody."
"Do you feel that you're going to attempt suicide soon? When you leave here today, what do you see yourself doing?"
"Soon? Not likely. I can't get the damned words right. I just don't know what to do, doctor."
The therapist set down the pen and pad, then rose to move to her desk. She picked up the phone and started dialing.
"Here's what we're going to do. I don't want you to go home. I'm going to admit you to St. Anthony's for a couple of days of observation. There are some tests I want to run before we take a fresh look at your medication schedule."
"Can I bring my note? Work on it while I'm in the hospital?"
"I'd like to see it, yes. We can go over it together." She turned and spoke quietly into the phone, better at keeping urgency out of her expression than she was at keeping it out of her voice.
The patient lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
"You know," he said to himself, barely above a whisper, "maybe a writing retreat IS just what I need."
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
March 10, 2014
You did something wrong
Comment Of The Day Award goes to Paul Anderson:
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You did something wrong. Accept it. Learn from it. Grow up. Stop blaming everyone else for your screw ups. Part of being an adult is accepting your faults, owning them, and moving on. But the longer you spew insults at people, the less inclined they will be to forgive you.Words to live by, people.
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March 7, 2014
Terribly tired
Terribly tired after a long, complicated, difficult day.
Terribly tired but don't want to go to bed, don't want to go to sleep.
Terribly tired means I don't want to interact with anyone, yet I don't really want to be alone, either.
Terribly tired is justification enough for a wandering blog post, but not enough fuel for Twitter or Facebook.
Terribly tired and wondering who I am, exactly, and why I never finished that one thing that was going really well and which lots of people liked.
Terribly tired so making this brief, and yet, perhaps, not nearly brief enough.
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Terribly tired but don't want to go to bed, don't want to go to sleep.
Terribly tired means I don't want to interact with anyone, yet I don't really want to be alone, either.
Terribly tired is justification enough for a wandering blog post, but not enough fuel for Twitter or Facebook.
Terribly tired and wondering who I am, exactly, and why I never finished that one thing that was going really well and which lots of people liked.
Terribly tired so making this brief, and yet, perhaps, not nearly brief enough.
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
March 5, 2014
Don't steal my work, Kiko
It's not really important how I came to discover that Kiko E. Coyona plagiarized one of my blog posts.
It's not really important that what he/she used my funny blog post for is to give his/her fanfiction about Sonic the Hedgehog (or some such thing) a literary boost that it wouldn't have if he/she had actually written it him/herself.
It's not even important that, just now, when I tried to copy and paste the offending passages in order to show how blatantly my 12 Things Successful Assassins Do Differently blog post was ripped off, I was thwarted by Fanfiction.net, which, apparently, does not allow copy and paste. I guess they're worried about plagiarists. (I put a screen capture of it down below, in the TL/DR part of this post.)
What's important is that the specific arrangement of these specific words belongs to me. It's mine. Sticking in a few clumsy dialogue tags doesn't change that. Maybe you never noticed the Copyright Notice that appears at the bottom of every page on this blog, Kiko, but let me repost it here:
What's important, Kiko, is that you apparently fancy yourself something of a writer. Plagiarizing someone else's work makes you a writer in the same way that being a crack whore makes you a movie star.
I am angry with you, Kiko, but mostly I pity you. You've surrendered the chance to become an actual writer, preferring instead to sleep in the gutter of a bleak, dead-end street. There was a small sapling taking root in you, but you ripped it out and replaced it with a branch you broke off of my tree, the splintered end jammed artlessly into the thin soil of your fanfic.
Do you really think that makes you a writer, Kiko? Do you? For your sake, I hope not. It's no shortcut to leech off someone else's work that way. Learn from this experience, Kiko, and do your own work, or a long life of inchoate, unfulfilled bitterness awaits you.
Take down your post, apologize to me and your readers, go forth and sin no more.
Maybe you can be a writer, maybe you can't. But at least you will be able to hold your head high and know that, whether they earn you bruises or baubles, the words will be YOURS.
Here's the TL/DR (click the images to enlarge to readable size):
What I wrote on January 24, 2012...
... and what Kiko E. Coyona "wrote" on May 17, 2013.UPDATE: Under pressure from me and my knife-edge crew (including @introvertedwife, @girl_onthego, @panderson1979, among others), the offending passages (i.e. my entire blog post) have been stripped out. This line was added to the bottom of the blog post:
So there you go. I would have preferred, "I'm sorry for stealing your work, Tony Noland" to an all-caps "FUCK YOU TONY NOLAND AND BLABLOVERS", but I'll take what I can get.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
It's not really important that what he/she used my funny blog post for is to give his/her fanfiction about Sonic the Hedgehog (or some such thing) a literary boost that it wouldn't have if he/she had actually written it him/herself.
It's not even important that, just now, when I tried to copy and paste the offending passages in order to show how blatantly my 12 Things Successful Assassins Do Differently blog post was ripped off, I was thwarted by Fanfiction.net, which, apparently, does not allow copy and paste. I guess they're worried about plagiarists. (I put a screen capture of it down below, in the TL/DR part of this post.)
What's important is that the specific arrangement of these specific words belongs to me. It's mine. Sticking in a few clumsy dialogue tags doesn't change that. Maybe you never noticed the Copyright Notice that appears at the bottom of every page on this blog, Kiko, but let me repost it here:
Copyright Notice I retain ownership and copyright on this blog and everything it contains, perpetually, on any and all media, and throughout this and every other universe. Feel free to link to this blog, but please get my permission to reproduce or make extensive quotations of the material you see here.
See that? I said "please". That's me being polite. I didn't have to do that. I could have said, "... or else I will use whatever eldritch magiks I can lay hands on so as to bind your plagiarist sins to your soul with bands of thorn and fire for the rest of all eternity."
I was polite. Please be so kind as to return the favor.
- Tony Noland
What's important, Kiko, is that you apparently fancy yourself something of a writer. Plagiarizing someone else's work makes you a writer in the same way that being a crack whore makes you a movie star.
I am angry with you, Kiko, but mostly I pity you. You've surrendered the chance to become an actual writer, preferring instead to sleep in the gutter of a bleak, dead-end street. There was a small sapling taking root in you, but you ripped it out and replaced it with a branch you broke off of my tree, the splintered end jammed artlessly into the thin soil of your fanfic.
Do you really think that makes you a writer, Kiko? Do you? For your sake, I hope not. It's no shortcut to leech off someone else's work that way. Learn from this experience, Kiko, and do your own work, or a long life of inchoate, unfulfilled bitterness awaits you.
Take down your post, apologize to me and your readers, go forth and sin no more.
Maybe you can be a writer, maybe you can't. But at least you will be able to hold your head high and know that, whether they earn you bruises or baubles, the words will be YOURS.
Here's the TL/DR (click the images to enlarge to readable size):
What I wrote on January 24, 2012...
... and what Kiko E. Coyona "wrote" on May 17, 2013.UPDATE: Under pressure from me and my knife-edge crew (including @introvertedwife, @girl_onthego, @panderson1979, among others), the offending passages (i.e. my entire blog post) have been stripped out. This line was added to the bottom of the blog post:
So there you go. I would have preferred, "I'm sorry for stealing your work, Tony Noland" to an all-caps "FUCK YOU TONY NOLAND AND BLABLOVERS", but I'll take what I can get.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
March 4, 2014
My Almost-Winning #GrammarDay Haiku
The haiku I submitted for the #GrammarDay Haiku Contest finished in the Top 10! Go over and read the post with the winning entry, the runners-up, and the rest of the Top 10.
Behold the power of poetry!
Also, buy my book. Because if you like my poetry, you'll love the Grammarian! (Or you could get this book of stories for free. Your call.)
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
Behold the power of poetry!
Also, buy my book. Because if you like my poetry, you'll love the Grammarian! (Or you could get this book of stories for free. Your call.)
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
March 3, 2014
Free book
Blood Picnic and other stories
, my collection of flash fiction and short stories, is free this week at Smashwords. Just use the coupon code EL92F when you check out.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
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Help keep the words flowing.
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March 1, 2014
LAUREL & HARDY | Oye como va (Santana)
Dance!
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
February 26, 2014
The Bathroom Monologues: What Recharges Writing?
Since my well seems to have run dry, I'll point you to this piece by John Wiswell:
The Bathroom Monologues: What Recharges Writing? : I’ve been wondering a lot lately about how to recharge writing. There are some people who never seem to stop – Stephen King infamously ...
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The Bathroom Monologues: What Recharges Writing? : I’ve been wondering a lot lately about how to recharge writing. There are some people who never seem to stop – Stephen King infamously ...
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Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
February 19, 2014
Paging Dr. Liebster... Dr. Liebster, Line One
A few days ago, I was given the Liebster Award by Katherine Hajer, a gracious writer and crafty artist.
Those who are Liebstered thank their nominator (thanks, Katherine!), answer the questions posed to them, nominate more people, and pose their own questions.
My nominees are:
1. Michael Robinson, he of the Digital Scofflaw blog. Michael has a sense of humor similar to mine, which, although it must be a burden in daily life, it at least got him a Liebster Award.
2. Sabrina Zbasnik, she of the Introverted Wife blog. Sabrina writes about dwarves in space (among other things), which is a pretty cool mashup.
My questions for them:
When did you start writing?Has anyone ever actually told you not to quit your day job?Is there a favorite food you eat that gives you inspiration to write?Microsoft Word: love it, hate it, or something else?Do you own an e.book reader, or use e.book software? If so, what kind? If not, do you see one in your future?You're given a book promotion opportunity to sit in a bookstore window and write. People passing by will be able to read your work as you produce it. Do you agree? Is there a crowd/gang/posse/support group of writers you belong to, either in person or online?What's your minimum length for a novel?"Write drunk, edit sober." Is this good advice?Can you have a strong opinion about an author's personality, political views, social positions, etc., without having that color your opinion about the author's work?
My answers to Katherine's questions:
Do you have one place you write in, several regular places, or are you a "writing nomad" (write where you can)? I write at different networked computers in various locations. However, I map out ideas with pen and paper all over the place, usually when I'm supposed to be paying attention to something else. What are your favourite writing tools (either physical or software)? Favorite software tools are yWriter5 and Dropbox. Favorite physical writing tool is my Parker 51 fountain pen. What is your biggest writing "win" from the last twelve months? That would have to be publishing my superhero novel, "Verbosity's Vengeance" , which came out last September. It's a clear milestone in my writing career.Author and genre comparisons can be tricky, but what are some signs that a reader will like your books (ie: if they liked X book or like work by Y author, they should check out your books)? If you liked The Phantom Tollbooth, Tuesday Next or the Avengers, you'll like my book.The universe grants you power over all of writer-dom for one day. What's the one thing you make all writers stop (or start) doing? Stop being dismissive of people who have different tastes in literature. That, and stop picking on semicolons.Recognising that everyone on my nomination list writes in the science fiction/fantasy/horror end of the spectrum — how much time to you spend on planning and envisioning your setting relative to character development? Setting and plot are probably weighted 5X as much as character.Does your setting come first, your characters, or a combination of both? I'm much more likely to say, "Here's an interesting thing that can happen, let's put someone in there" than I am to say, "Here's an interesting person, what can I do with her?"How much research do you do when working on a story? I try not to get too bogged down in research during first drafts. You can spend hours nailing down details that you might need to change later.
What are your favourite sources for setting inspiration? Probably movies, followed by real life. I've been fortunate enough to have done a fair bit of travel around the world, but that's nothing compared to the places the movies can take you. If you could spend time in one of your settings, which one would you pick and how long would you stay there? Setting: I'd love to go out on patrol with the Grammarian. Zooming down rain-slick streets on a meme-enhanced motorcycle, chasing the bad guys to a deserted warehouse and jumping straight into a life-and-death firefight with high-tech weaponry - how cool would THAT be? How long I'd stay: right up to the point of getting my ass kicked. Then I'd drop out and leave the superhero derring-do to the professionals.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
Those who are Liebstered thank their nominator (thanks, Katherine!), answer the questions posed to them, nominate more people, and pose their own questions.My nominees are:
1. Michael Robinson, he of the Digital Scofflaw blog. Michael has a sense of humor similar to mine, which, although it must be a burden in daily life, it at least got him a Liebster Award.
2. Sabrina Zbasnik, she of the Introverted Wife blog. Sabrina writes about dwarves in space (among other things), which is a pretty cool mashup.
My questions for them:
When did you start writing?Has anyone ever actually told you not to quit your day job?Is there a favorite food you eat that gives you inspiration to write?Microsoft Word: love it, hate it, or something else?Do you own an e.book reader, or use e.book software? If so, what kind? If not, do you see one in your future?You're given a book promotion opportunity to sit in a bookstore window and write. People passing by will be able to read your work as you produce it. Do you agree? Is there a crowd/gang/posse/support group of writers you belong to, either in person or online?What's your minimum length for a novel?"Write drunk, edit sober." Is this good advice?Can you have a strong opinion about an author's personality, political views, social positions, etc., without having that color your opinion about the author's work?
My answers to Katherine's questions:
Do you have one place you write in, several regular places, or are you a "writing nomad" (write where you can)? I write at different networked computers in various locations. However, I map out ideas with pen and paper all over the place, usually when I'm supposed to be paying attention to something else. What are your favourite writing tools (either physical or software)? Favorite software tools are yWriter5 and Dropbox. Favorite physical writing tool is my Parker 51 fountain pen. What is your biggest writing "win" from the last twelve months? That would have to be publishing my superhero novel, "Verbosity's Vengeance" , which came out last September. It's a clear milestone in my writing career.Author and genre comparisons can be tricky, but what are some signs that a reader will like your books (ie: if they liked X book or like work by Y author, they should check out your books)? If you liked The Phantom Tollbooth, Tuesday Next or the Avengers, you'll like my book.The universe grants you power over all of writer-dom for one day. What's the one thing you make all writers stop (or start) doing? Stop being dismissive of people who have different tastes in literature. That, and stop picking on semicolons.Recognising that everyone on my nomination list writes in the science fiction/fantasy/horror end of the spectrum — how much time to you spend on planning and envisioning your setting relative to character development? Setting and plot are probably weighted 5X as much as character.Does your setting come first, your characters, or a combination of both? I'm much more likely to say, "Here's an interesting thing that can happen, let's put someone in there" than I am to say, "Here's an interesting person, what can I do with her?"How much research do you do when working on a story? I try not to get too bogged down in research during first drafts. You can spend hours nailing down details that you might need to change later.
What are your favourite sources for setting inspiration? Probably movies, followed by real life. I've been fortunate enough to have done a fair bit of travel around the world, but that's nothing compared to the places the movies can take you. If you could spend time in one of your settings, which one would you pick and how long would you stay there? Setting: I'd love to go out on patrol with the Grammarian. Zooming down rain-slick streets on a meme-enhanced motorcycle, chasing the bad guys to a deserted warehouse and jumping straight into a life-and-death firefight with high-tech weaponry - how cool would THAT be? How long I'd stay: right up to the point of getting my ass kicked. Then I'd drop out and leave the superhero derring-do to the professionals.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
Marvel's magic touch
I never read the Guardians of the Galaxy comics. When I heard that Marvel Studios was making a GotG movie, it was a real head-scratcher. As an ensemble cast, GotG is WAY, WAY downmarket from the Avengers. I know an ensemble movie is different than a buddy movie, so you can't compare GotG with such potential pairings as (for example) Power Man & Iron Fist or Cloak & Dagger.
Even considering the fact that Marvel Studios doesn't have the rights to the marquee ensembles (X-Men & Fantastic Four), why GotG? Why not another minor ensemble like the Defenders? Or the West Coast Avengers?
But I have to say, Marvel seems to know what it's doing. When I watched the various trailers for Superman Broods and Mopes and for Batman Growls Again, I just didn't feel any particular drive to see the flicks, even though I know and (mostly) like the characters. Watching this trailer (which is such an obligatory backstory infodump it might as well be labeled Introducing The Guardians of the Galaxy), I still got a sense of place, of characters, of engagement, and of exciting fun.
Now, instead of wondering why Marvel is wasting its time on this minor-league team, I'm looking forward to seeing the flick. Well played, Marvel. Well played.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
Even considering the fact that Marvel Studios doesn't have the rights to the marquee ensembles (X-Men & Fantastic Four), why GotG? Why not another minor ensemble like the Defenders? Or the West Coast Avengers?
But I have to say, Marvel seems to know what it's doing. When I watched the various trailers for Superman Broods and Mopes and for Batman Growls Again, I just didn't feel any particular drive to see the flicks, even though I know and (mostly) like the characters. Watching this trailer (which is such an obligatory backstory infodump it might as well be labeled Introducing The Guardians of the Galaxy), I still got a sense of place, of characters, of engagement, and of exciting fun.
Now, instead of wondering why Marvel is wasting its time on this minor-league team, I'm looking forward to seeing the flick. Well played, Marvel. Well played.
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Help keep the words flowing.
Landless by Tony Noland. If you like the blog, try one of the books.
