Tracey Cramer-Kelly's Blog, page 7
April 19, 2018
Even Simple Things are Difficult for a New Amputee: CHASE’s Journey
In RANGER’S HONOR, Chase struggles to come to terms with being an amputee, not to mention the loss of his career as an Army Ranger. How can he possibly be what Ella needs? He doesn’t want her to see all the un-sexy (and vulnerable) parts of him.
So he locks her out of his life.
But what if Ella is actually everything he needs?
Many real-life amputees have made the journey from injury to full lives. But there’s loss and grief and pain involved along the way. The sneak peek I’ve chosen for you today gives you a glimpse into that journey from Chase’s point of view.
Ranger’s Honor: Chase
“How about you, Chase?” Ricky said. “You want another?”
“Nah. I’m good.” Chase could already feel the one beer he’d had; in fact, he felt a little queasy, which he blamed on mixing alcohol with pain killers.
Chase thought it would feel right to be back in Savannah. Back here, at Chet’s Bar. Instead, everything around him was a reminder that he wasn’t the man he was when he left. That he’d never be a soldier again, let alone a Ranger.
Hell, what was the point getting together with these men? It was torture to hear about their recent escapades…
And of course every one of them wanted to know about Ella.
Especially Cory. Chase could feel it—the judgement almost palpable in Cory’s stare—even though he refrained from asking.
Chase shifted. His prosthetic felt too tight, and phantom pain kept shooting up his leg.
The waitress arrived with appetizers.
Maybe that will calm my stomach.
Chase reached for one of the baskets and nearly knocked over his beer bottle.
He and Cory reached for it at the same moment, both their hands closing around the glass.
“I got it,” Chase snapped. “I don’t need help.”
Cory’s eyebrows raised but he said nothing. He released his hold on the beer bottle and leaned back in his chair, eyes narrowed on Chase.
“Hey guys.”
A chorus of Hey Maddy! followed, and Chase looked up to see Maddy give Cory a kiss. Not long ago that would have been him and Ella…
“Don’t mind me,” Maddy said. “I don’t mean to break up guy time, I’m just here to be the driver.”
“My car’s in the shop,” Cory said.
Conversation turned to car ailments. Maddy gave Chase’s shoulder a light squeeze. She set her purse on the table, then took a seat on the other side of Cory.
The pain cramped up Chase’s leg and he bit his lip. He dug his cell phone out of his pocket and checked the time. It wasn’t nearly time for pain meds.
Yet as he sat and nibbled on some potato skins, his leg itched and burned and pinched.
He shouldn’t even be wearing his prosthesis right now. It had only been a few days since he’d gotten it. What had he thought, it would impress his buddies? Make him look bad-ass compared to his wheelchair?
He was going to go crazy if he didn’t adjust it…
With careful, deliberate moves, he stood. He reached for his cane. When Cory looked at him, question in his eyes, Chase said, “Gotta visit the head.”
Cory nodded, but even so, Chase felt as if every eye was on his back as he headed toward the restrooms.
He grimaced at the pain that shot up his leg and into his torso with every jolting step.
Around the corner and out of sight of the guys, he limped past the restrooms to the storage room he knew was at the back of the bar. He was relieved when he twisted the knob and the door swung open.
He collapsed into the single ratty chair in the storage room, biting back the groan that had built up in that eight-yard torture walk.
He got his pants leg hitched up and slipped his fingers under the edge of the prosthetic.
The liner was bunched. He tried to remember what Kyle had said about the liner. Something about nasty open sores if it rubbed too much…
He would have to remove everything, re-do the liner and shrinker sock, and put the leg back on.
He’d never done that alone. He wasn’t even sure he could do it with just one functional hand. But he didn’t think he could walk out of there without doing it.
Way to go, Richards.
A voice made him jump. “Chase?”
Through the crack in the door, he could see the woman attached to the voice. “Jesus, Maddy. You shouldn’t be here.”
Shouldn’t see me like this.
She stepped into the room. “Are you okay?”
Chase frowned. “I’m fine.”
He wasn’t fine. He was an amputee, for God’s sake. An incomplete man.
His mom was going to go home at some point. Three hours away. How the hell was he going to function when he couldn’t even adjust his fake leg by himself?
Maddy closed the door behind her.
Chase took a breath, but before he could speak, she waved a hand at his leg. “Can I help with that?”
Chase blew out the breath. “No. Just… shit.” He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, fighting the urge to throw something.
He heard some scraping sounds, and when he opened his eyes, he found Maddy had sat down on a pile of boxes. Apparently she wasn’t going anywhere until they had a conversation.
Great.
“I’m worried about you.” The soft tone of her voice brought a rush of emotion, and he clamped his jaw tight to keep from saying something less-than-macho.
She shifted but she made no move to touch him. “It’s not like you to snap at people. And Ella…”
Chase winced.
“Look,” she said. “I’m not even going to pretend to know what you’re going through. And I don’t know the first thing about prosthetics. But if you want to get out of here, I have a car. We don’t even have to go out the front door.”
She held his gaze.
He realized that was exactly what he wanted. What would the guys think?
“You don’t owe anyone an explanation.” It was as if she’d read his mind. “But if you want me to, I’ll tell them I ran you home. No big deal.”
Chase sighed. Rubbed a hand through his facial hair. He was tired. The constant pain made him tired. “I’ll take you up on the ride.” He straightened. “But I won’t sneak out the back door.”
April 1, 2018
Five Months Pregnant: Can MADDY Save Cory from Himself?
Falling in love is “easy” compared to staying in love. Sometimes you’ve just got to make loving someone a conscious choice.
That’s where Maddy’s at in RANGER’S HONOR. Oh, and she’s also five months pregnant with Cory’s child! She can handle blood and guts as an ER doc, but how can she heal Cory’s invisible wounds?
I think you’ll find lots of reasons to root for Maddy as she fights to love her Ranger with everything she’s got. And it is a fight, as the scene I’ve chosen for you shows. In this scene, we see Cory unraveling from Maddy’s point of view.
In the next few weeks, I’ll share key scenes from both Chase and Ella. Until then—Enjoy!
Ranger’s Honor: Maddy
“Did your man find you the other night?” Maria said.
Maddy looked up from her clinic notes. “What night?”
“Couple nights ago,” Maria said. “The night we had the Code Blue.”
Maddy shook her head. Cory had been here? Had he seen the Code Blue?
“He was right here, watching it all,” Maria continued. “I thought you knew.”
There was only one reason Cory would willingly come to a hospital emergency room. He was looking for her!
But he’d left. Why?
“How did he look?” she asked.
Maria gave her a strange look, and Maddy shook herself mentally. “Never mind. Thanks, Maria.”
Maddy tossed her stethoscope on the top shelf of her locker, stripped out of her scrubs as gracefully as a baby elephant would, and made a beeline for her car.
Maddy used her key card to gain access to Cory’s apartment building. She knocked on his door, but got no answer.
He had to be here; she knew he was working nights this week, and she wasn’t sure she could muster the courage to come back again. She knocked harder.
She dug her keys out of her purse, then hesitated. Should she let herself in?
What the hell…
She got the door open, and poked her head around it. “Cory?”
Silence. He wasn’t here.
She glanced into the kitchen and her eyes widened.
It was a mess. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink, the garbage overflowed, and the counter was cluttered with take-out cartons.
Worry niggled at her insides. Cory was usually meticulous about keeping the kitchen neat and clean.
She stepped past the kitchen and sucked in her breath.
The living area was almost as bad. Clothes and towels were strewn over the couch and chairs, more cartons on the coffee table. And liquor bottles—lots of them—littered the floor.
My God, the place is a disaster.
This wasn’t like Cory. Not at all.
One spot on the coffee table was swiped clean. A single sheet of white paper lay there. As she approached, she could see the military insignia on it. Orders?
Her heart beat faster, and she held her breath as she picked it up.
They were orders. But not for deployment.
Command-Directed Mental Health Evaluation.
She nearly dropped the paper. Something had happened, something that tipped off Cory’s upline to his behavioral issues.
Maybe now he would get help.
Or he would rebel.
Carefully she set the paper back down on the coffee table and walked down the short hallway. A glance into the bathroom showed a similar sight; the usually neat countertop was scattered with the accoutrements that normally stayed hidden in the over-sink cabinets.
In Cory’s bedroom, military gear was strewn over the bed and across the floor. One dirty boot lay near the closet, the other by the door.
Dirty boots. Cory couldn’t stand dirty boots; he was practically anal-retentive about that.
Her next thought only served to ratchet up her concern. Where was his pistol?
She stepped over the boots and gear and yanked open the nightstand drawer.
Empty.
Is this where he keeps it? She couldn’t recall.
She no longer cared if she was invading Cory’s privacy; she started digging through his drawers, then moved on to the gear scattered about the room.
The more she looked, the more her worry turned to something more sinister.
“It’s not here,” she muttered.
His gun isn’t here. His gun is with him.
Her heart seized up and she stood stock-still in the middle of Cory’s room. What were his intentions, taking his pistol out somewhere as a civilian?
Every fiber in her body screamed that Cory was in trouble, big trouble. Her worry became all-out panic.
She had to help.
But she had no idea where to find him.
She stared at the jacket she clutched in her hand, her eyes focused on the Special Forces patch.
Chase.
He was the only one who would truly understand. The only one who might be able to get through to Cory.
March 25, 2018
Movie “Thank You For Your Service” Offers a Real Portrait of Struggling Veteran
There are books-into-movies that stick pretty close to what was written in the book, and there are some that… well, not so much. When the opening screen of the movie Thank You for Your Service[image error] said it was “based on” the book[image error] by the same name, I had certain expectations (since I’d read the book).
“Inspired by” would have been more accurate.
In this case, that’s a good thing.
To me, the book[image error] was difficult to read. I didn’t want to think about all the veterans who needed help and couldn’t get it, or got “help” that wasn’t helpful after all. I wanted to focus on those who “made it through” – who found the strength inside them to learn to live again. After all, those are the characters I create and write about. There was no “happily ever after” for the real-life people in the book; it starkly acknowledged that their lives could still be a daily struggle (which makes me admire them all the more).
I wouldn’t recommend the book to everyone. But I would recommend the movie[image error].
[note: spoiler alerts!]
The movie[image error] started with the real-life ‘inciting incident’ experienced by Sergeant Adam Schumann. Intense stuff. It followed with the death of another soldier who ‘took his place’ (which tipped the scale on Adam’s sanity) and the suicide of one of his comrades once home.
However, the movie departed from the book in significant ways, and the focus was different. The movie focused more on the friendship between Adam and Tausolo, whereas the book focused on his marital relationship. In Hollywood fashion, drama was created by a Tausolo’s involvement with a drug runner (unlike the book).
But what comes through is a very real portrait of a strong man pushed to his breaking point. Of his brotherly love toward his co-soldiers. I wasn’t a big fan of actor Miles Teller before this, but he was flat-out excellent as Adam Schumann.
I believe most of the changes made by the Hollywood writers made the movie stronger. The only glaring change I didn’t appreciate was a scene when Adam puts a gun in his mouth and his finger on the trigger. In the memoir (aka real life), this happened in the basement of their house, with his wife looking on (and begging him not to do it) while his toddler son was asleep upstairs. In the movie, he’s in his truck on a deserted road. Still a mighty powerful scene, but in real life it was hearing his son waking upstairs that pulled Adam back from the brink. The wife/son angle is much stronger in the book and I did miss some of that in the movie.
[Fascinating fact: the real-life Adam Schumann played a cameo role in the movie. His only line? “Welcome back, Sergeant Schumann.” Even though 8-9 years have passed at this point, I can only imagine what it was like to say that to his younger self. More here.]
March 18, 2018
Invisible Wounds: Getting to Know CORY from Ranger’s Honor
In the process, I fell in love with Cory, Chase, Maddy and Ella just a little more. I know they’re not real, but there are bits and pieces of real-life soldiers—and those who love them—who have inspired me with their courage. I am forever grateful to those folks for that as well as what they’ve done for me and our country.
Now it’s time to wrap up these characters’ stories with the third and final book, RANGER’S HONOR. It is both exhilarating and humbling to watch their journeys as individuals, couples, and friends.
In RANGER’S HONOR, Chase struggles to adjust to being an amputee, while Cory’s war wounds are not as visible (but no less crippling). Ella’s been locked out of Chase’s life, while very-pregnant Maddy fights to keep Cory from slipping away.
In the next few weeks, I’ll share a key scene from each character’s point of view. This one is from Cory (and also happens to be the prologue). Enjoy!
Ranger’s Honor: Prologue
A physical dread uncurled in Sergeant Cory Foster’s stomach as he took another step toward the flag-draped coffin. His palms were slick with sweat and he rubbed them on his military dress uniform. The muted sounds of a hundred people mourning pressed against his chest, and it was an effort to focus on the people standing to the left of the coffin.
Why couldn’t they just be still? Just for a minute. It’s all he needed to pull everything back inside…
He felt Maddy’s hand graze his and he grabbed onto it like a lifeline as he came face to face with Brett’s parents.
“Thank you for coming.” The woman’s voice was flat, as if every word required a monumental effort. Her eyes played over the medals on Cory’s uniform, then fastened on his name. “Foster.” Her eyes jumped from his chest to his face. “Cory! Please. You were there, when my boy…” Her breath shuddered dangerously. “Tell me what happened. Please!”
“Anne.” Her husband—Brett’s father—stood beside her, looking for all the world like he was holding her up. His voice was low and raw. “You know what happened.”
“No!” she cried. “It wasn’t enough…”
Cory didn’t know how to respond to the grief pouring out of this woman. This woman who’d lost her only son.
“I’m so sorry.” His throat was tight with his own grief, his voice threatening to break.
“Wasn’t there anything else you could have done?” she cried.
Her words hit him like a slap to the face, and he nearly took a step back. He’d asked himself the same thing a thousand times; if he hadn’t been focused on Chase, could he have done something more for Brett?
And Chase… he would be here if he could. Doing this far better than Cory…
“Anne!” Cory heard the shock, the hurt, and the disapproval all in that one word spoken by Brett’s father.
That didn’t make it any easier to respond, but he tried. “He didn’t suffer…”
Anne collapsed into her husband’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
Maddy leaned into the older woman, her dark hair spilling over one cheek. A sharp need jabbed through Cory. He wanted to give up control again. To Maddy. Just for a little while…
A vise tightened around his chest, forcing his breath to go shallow. He looked longingly toward where they’d parked the car.
I have to get away.
He gripped Maddy’s shoulder with more force than he’d intended. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”
He felt Maddy’s eyes on him but he couldn’t stop his feet from carrying him away. Away from the accusing glances. Away from the palpable grief.
Only to find himself locked out of the car.
He wanted to scream. To scrape his insides out with a primal howl. Instead he gave the tire nearest him a vicious kick that only served to radiate pain through his ankle. He swore at his foot. He swore at the car. He swore at the mud he’d somehow picked up on his dress shoes.
And shit, he could not catch his breath. What was wrong with him?
He slumped on the hood of the car, one hand pressed to the throbbing scar on his side.
“Hey.” Maddy hoisted herself onto the hood next to him. “You okay?”
He nodded as he studied the mud on his shoes. Gonna have to clean those when I get home.
“What Anne said, it was only out of grief,” she said. “You know that, right?”
“It was a valid question,” he said.
“No.” Her voice had an edge he’d never heard before. “You did everything you could. You all did. Sometimes there just isn’t a way to save them. I know.”
Without warning, the weight on his lungs went from mild to crushing. His body bent forward, his mouth sucking in harsh breaths.
“Cory.” He felt her hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re having an anxiety attack.”
“Don’t diagnose me,” he snapped. “You’re not my doctor.”
She reeled back as if he’d slapped her. He cursed himself even as he pressed one hand against his chest. Holy hell, it felt like a heart attack!
He just needed it to stop. All of it. He wanted to apologize to Maddy but he didn’t trust himself to speak. There was too much twisted and rioting inside him, and he couldn’t let her see.
After a few moments, he heard her draw a deep breath. Heard the hurt in her voice when she said, “Let’s go home.”
March 11, 2018
Fifty Shades Freed: A Writer’s Thoughts on Why You Should See the Movie
I confess: I read the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey / Fifty Shades Darker / Fifty Shades Freed)[image error].
How could I not, as an author who writes sex scenes (though not nearly as many or as kinky as EL James)? I’m probably the only one with a lukewarm feeling about the series (here are elements I think are masterful and some I think are hokey), whereas most people seem to fall into “love it” or “hate-it” camps.
As a romance writer, my main interest is in whether the characters are moved, changed and/or transformed by the events of the story. By that token, the FIFTY SHADES trilogy delivers; both characters are undeniably changed (although it’s Christian’s transformation that interests me most).
As a romance writer who also aspires to someday see one of my novels made into a film, I had to see all SHADES movies. (Being a writer is a tough job sometimes!)
I wasn’t a big fan of movie #1 (I personally didn’t need to see all the kinky sex). The second was better but still didn’t move me much.
However, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the final movie (Fifty Shades Freed[image error]).
The sex was playful and fun rather than dark and somewhat ominous. Christian and Anastasia actually relaxed and enjoyed each other doing things other than sex. And I don’t know why, exactly, but Jamie Dornan was more attractive and sexy than he was in the first two (maybe marriage looks good on “Christian Grey”)!
Then there’s the bad guy. The one you love to hate. The FREED movie played the danger-and-suspense element quite effectively. (If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean; if you haven’t I won’t be the one to ruin it for you!)
All in all, more enjoyable than I expected.
Regardless of how you feel about the plot or characters, as actors, Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson had a difficult job—and they made it look as natural as kinky sex can look! By the third movie, they must have really been in sync with each other.
One of my favorite scenes in the movie? Anastasia washing Christian’s hair (see video here).
March 3, 2018
The Boys are Back! RANGER’S HONOR Cover Reveal!
All winter I’ve been working on the final book in the Army Ranger Trilogy, and I’m so excited to reveal the cover! (TA-DA! What do you think??)
RANGER’S HONOR can be pre-ordered in all the usual places (click here) and releases on May 19 (Armed Forces Day)!
In RANGER’S HONOR, Chase is a new amputee, while Cory’s war wounds are not as visible (but no less crippling). How can Ella and Maddy convince them they’re still the men they fell in love with? When tragedy strikes again, will the ties of love, family, and honor that bind them together be a trap, or lead them to triumph?
If you’ve been waiting for more from Cory and Chase, the wait is almost over—and you won’t be disappointed! Pre-order your copy now and keep an eye on your inbox for sneak peeks from “the guys” and me!
NOTE: RANGER’S HONOR can be read as a stand-alone, but you might enjoy it more if you read the first two books in the trilogy (RANGER’S DESTINY and RANGER’S SACRIFICE).
February 26, 2018
Making a Audiobook: Is It Worth It?
Let me start by saying this: Creating an audiobook is a LOT of work. And as an indie author, an awful lot of that work falls to… take a guess, right?! This is the journey from zero to done.
STEP 1: Decision Time
When I first started thinking about TRUE SURRENDER as an audiobook, I nearly choked on the cost (now I understand why). Simply put: It was out of my reach.
So I shelved the idea, until one day I overhead an acquaintance who’s a voracious reader gushing about how she prefers to hear a story/book directly from the writer’s mouth.
This was a bit of a revelation… narrate my own book?
Naturally, I googled it. There was plenty of information out there, and it was apparently acceptable to narrate your own book. I’ve sung vocals for multiple albums, and even my own cover songs. I have friends with studios in their homes that I figured I could talk (or barter) into helping. Heck, I thought, I could do this!
But should I?
To answer that one, I conducted an informal poll of my readers and other authors. I asked them how they felt about the narrator’s voice. And though some preferred an ultra-polished ‘performance,’ many said that since the writer knows her story the best, she would be the best to read it aloud, with emphasis where she’d intended it.
So, in my typical I’ll-try-anything-once attitude, I talked a friend into recording at his studio.
STEP 2: Recording
Tim and I did the whole book, stopping to backtrack and re-record if I flubbed, or if we got outside sound (just our luck, the street sweepers were on his street that week!), in a week’s time and man, was I sick of it by then!
Then I had to listen to every minute (which turned out to be over 300) and flag any errors or problem areas… and back to Tim’s studio I went.
All told, this process took twelve weeks (partly due to work and family commitments). That was when I started to think I may have bitten off more than I could chew!
STEP 3: Preparation
I sent the files off to Karen, ‘scrubber extraordinaire,’ to clean up the diction and any low-level humming or background noise we’d missed. She found some that were bad enough I couldn’t let them go, so (you guessed it) – back to the studio! The “new and improved” files then made their way to Karen, who dropped them into the recording and cleaned them up – and then mastered them to the standards required for upload.
STEP 4: For Sale (Maybe)
I had planned to use Amazon/Audible exclusively. But once I got all the files uploaded, I discovered (much to my disappointment) that I had no control over the pricing. Instead, Amazon/Audible’s price is “set” based on the length (TRUE SURRENDER is just over five hours).
There are other things I’ve since discovered about Audible that I’m not thrilled about, so when I heard about an alternative audiobook distributor, I contacted them. I got to work with a real person who took the time to answer my phone and email questions. They let me have input on pricing, they created the cover image, and they even sent me the first ones (here I am celebrating). I wish I’d found them first!
Have I recouped the time and money I spent making TRUE SURRENDER (audiobook)?
Unfortunately, I have not (yet). And it’s almost painful to think of all the hours I could have spent writing another book instead. So, although I value the process as the learning experience it was, I can’t justify doing it again.
It IS pretty neat to have another way for people to get to know Aaron and Holly’s story. For a taste of what the audiobook is like, check out the video at the bottom of this page.
Get The Audiobook
You can get TRUE SURRENDER (audiobook) in either physical CD or downloadable form from my preferred vendor, Downpour, or at Amazon, Audible or iTunes. I also have a limited number of physical CDs for sale directly (contact me at the email address below).
For more information about Army officer Aaron Bricewick’s struggle with amputation and PTSD (and the woman who helped him through both), click here.
February 8, 2018
Aaron Struggles in Physical Therapy (a Teaser from TRUE SURRENDER)
When Lonnie called them back into action, his hands were on Aaron’s hip and the back of his knee. He was exerting considerable pressure on one or the other at all times, trying to align Aaron’s gait. He kept up a running stream of directives that Aaron did his best to follow, but he couldn’t seem to fall into a steady gait pattern. If he’d not been harnessed he would have fallen with every step…
What the hell is wrong with me? I should be able to do this…
“Break!” Lonnie called, and the treadmill went still.
Aaron could feel the sweat under the harness, and his hands gripped the handlebar more tightly than they should have.
Lonnie was right in his face. “Shake it off,” he said. “Shake it out.”
Aaron shook his head, frustration continuing to mount even though they’d stopped. He rested his arms on the bar, his head down.
“The casted leg acts like a double amputation, or like two paralyzed legs.” Holly had risen, too. “It’s considerably more complex.”
“It may not come today,” Lonnie said softly.
Aaron’s head whipped up. “I’m not quitting,” he said. “Not until it does come. I don’t care how long we have to be here.”
More about TRUE SURRENDER: Click here.
Purchase TRUE SURRENDER: Click here.
January 28, 2018
Help Name the Third Book in the ARMY RANGER Series
Cory and Chase have been friends since Army basic training. They went through hell together in Ranger school – and a different kind of hell during their tour in the Middle East. They’re at the top of their game. They’ve seen it all. They know it all. Then two women show them they still have a lot to learn—and that the most dangerous battlefield is the one in their hearts.
RANGER’S DESTINY (#1) and RANGER’S SACRIFICE (#2) are already complete (see descriptions here). Their story continues—and culminates—in Book #3, slated for release THIS SPRING.
And I’d like YOUR opinion!
I’ve set up a survey that should only take you 5-7 minutes to complete, and it would help me a lot!
As a thank you for your time, I will enter you into the RELEASE DRAWING which will take place at the launch of this third book (note: you must agree to this at the bottom of the survey). I haven’t quite figured out what will be in the drawing yet, but I’ll find something unique and fun!
January 27, 2018
Read for Free: STURGIS now in Kindle Unlimited!
Yes, it’s true!
My biker romance/novella WHAT HAPPENS IN STURGIS is now FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers.
Out of habit he pulled his mouth from hers, planting it against her ear. But before he got more than a quick nip in, she pulled back. “I think you lied,” she said.
Read more about WHAT HAPPENS IN STURGIS here.
Purchase or Read for FREE here.
