Eliza David's Blog, page 21
February 16, 2016
NEW BLOG POST: Real Moms – 37 For 37
February 13, 2016
Studs & Fishtails: Five Things I Learned in the Braid Shop
This all started when I chopped all of my hair off on a random ass Saturday afternoon.
I was in the middle of revising BrewGirl and got caught up in a vicious, VICIOUS bout of writer’s block. Not only were my characters not speaking to each other, but my two kids were running around being kids and my husband was in the garage doing whatever it is that cool dads do in the garage on the weekend.
Probably this…
In short, I was unsupervised and that’s never a good idea.
I decided to detach myself from my laptop, hoping that would help to get the creative juices flowing again. Heading into the bathroom, I passed my reflection in the mirror and…yo, can I be honest? My shoulder-length natural curls were a fucking mess. I’m certain the cure for herpes, AIDS, and whatever other diseases a Z-Pack of antibiotics won’t fix was nestled somewhere in my naps. I had dust bunnies, tumbleweed, and assorted small creatures living in my hair.
Because what they don’t tell you about being a writer is how lazy you get. Like, drop something on the floor and don’t pick it up for four days-lazy. It’s like when people without kids say to no one in particular, “Man, I’m tired,” and then some bitter ass mother of three screams, “AW, BITCH! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TIRED IS!” Bitter Ass Mother of Three’s right, though. Condescending, but right. In turn, I am that mother when someone self-effacingly calls themselves lazy. Construct the lives of make-believe people and have them invade your brain for months on end, causing you to lose sleep. Not to mention the drafts and the sidechick reading you have to do while you write your own book (because Stephen King Sez writers read or they aren’t truly writers or something of that nature). Then turn around and try to do other stuff? Nope. I’ll be sitting on this couch reading Jackie Collins while I occupy the recesses of my mind with thoughts about how much my first draft sucks, thankyouverymuch.
So yeah, being an author takes my Fuck Effort stock through the roof. Before I started writing, washing my hair was already a task I’d have to plan at least three days in advance to have the gumption to postpone for an additional day to do. After writing…I went weeks without washing my hair. WEEKS.
I know. I’m a terrible girly girl and a fake water-conserving hippie, but this is what the writing process does to me. This left my hair uncombable, unstylable, and unbearable (one of those is a real word). So, before I could stop myself, I reached for my shears in my Sephora gift-with-purchase beauty bag (because who among us unclean girly girls don’t have a thousand of those lying around?), grabbed a matted clump of formerly cute curls, and snipped. I repeated a dozen times, breath held and jaw clenched.
Before I knew it, I had a Teeny Weeny Afro. My hair hadn’t been that short in over six years, when I Big Chopped for the very first time after an unsuccessful attempt at potty training my then-three-year-old son (are you sensing a stress management pattern?). I stared at myself for a few seconds, amazed at what I’d done to myself when no one was watching. Then I went back to my laptop and they started talking again. The characters. Those selfish bastards helped me rewrite the ending of my book and I am forever grateful for it.
Once that was done, I had to deal with the uneven Afro that sat atop my head. Surprisingly, I did well but soon enough, I missed the length and decided I’d treat myself to braids for my upcoming February birthday.
It had been a while since I’d sat through the five-to-eight hour long braiding process, so I planned a day off and found a braid shop in town to hook me up. You can imagine this search took me all of 0.0000056 seconds to complete as there were only three in Iowa City. I made my appointment with the first shop I called, got there at 8:50 in the morning (tote filled with books, Kindle, iPhone, and chargers in tow), and had no idea I’d learn so much as I sat in a chair for seven hours:
1) Don’t Be Late, Fool – Anyone who knows me knows that I’m late for everything: work, Girls Night Out, school pickups. I’ll be late for my funeral, so don’t be alarmed if my casket’s empty during the wake; I’m stuck in traffic. But on the morning of my date with Kanekalon destiny, I was ten minutes early! Yes the fuck ma’am, I was not about to miss my seven-hour reservation. About an hour into my appointment, an irate woman came into the shop, looked at the three filled seats and said, “My appointment was at 9:30.” (it was 9:45) The owner told her – in the smoothest Igbo accent ever – “You fifteen minutes late. Come back in four hours.” Ol’ girl was so heated, she stomped out and slammed the glass door behind her. Once she was gone, the owner conversed with her fellow stylists in French between fits of giggles so I’m sure they were roasting the hell out of this woman. You never wanna be that chick, so show up on time. Because you never want your hair to look as bad as it looks the day of your appointment…and then be told ‘Welp’.
2) My Instagram Feed is Trash – I like to joke around and say that my IG feed is nothing but Mariah Carey, books, and boys but ZOMG. I didn’t realize how true it was until I was forced to swipe through it for hours while women tugged at my hair in different directions. I wonder what these braiding experts were thinking every time they saw a shirtless man with an exaggerated bulge down yonder in every two posts. No one needs that much photoshopped peen in their social media diet, not even me. Out of utter disgust with myself, I made a change and unfollowed two accounts. Baby steps.
3) Tattooed Edges are a Thing – By lunchtime, the shop talk was gearing up. I didn’t participate much because my nose was in my raunchy IG Feed and in my Kindle reading Jackie Collins. Then I heard someone mention ‘tattooed edges’.
Man, listen. My Kindle and Chill was interrupted as I listen to the woman in the seat to my left explain this Negrodian phenomenon. Allegedly, women are going into tat shops, pulling off their musty bonnet caps, pointing to the balding sides of their heads, and getting fake hairlines tatted on. Seriously? Is this what it’s come to? This is a real thing? (SPOILER ALERT: Yes.)
4) Studs and Fishtails – I’m a simple girl. Out of all of the braided variations I could select from, I went for good old-fashioned box braids. It provides some styling options and it shaves about ten years off of my face – or so people say (“Why yes, I have been told I resemble Brandy: The Wanya Years. Thanks for the compliment!”). To my right was a woman I’ll call Tracy (because I don’t remember her real name…and anonymity, I suppose). She was a lesbian – a stud, hold the femme – and was getting cornrows braided in, natch. Tracy went on and on about how she loves a woman with fishtail braids. When Tracy asked the four very Catholic stylists (there were crucifixes all over the shop, as well as around each of their necks) if they could hook up one of her lady friends, they all said in unison – UNISON! – “We no know how to do those.” It took everything in me not to cackle wildly. Hell, it took everything for me not to put it in a Facebook stat at that very moment. Applaud my restraint.
5) Diana Ross is Pregnant – No one loves a piece of good celebrity gossip like me. I get 90% of my news from my aforementioned trashy ass social media feeds. So when the shop talk eventually turned to pop culture, I was ready to dive in. Before discussions of Love & Hip Hop and the presidential candidates began to sprout, the most important figure in entertainment (no, not Prince, much to my dismay) was dissected first: Beyoncé. Beyoncé is so famous that the WordPress form I’m typing on automatically places the accent over the last ‘e’ in her name. Beyoncé Beyoncé Beyoncé – it’s like Illuminati magic. Anywhoo, they began talking about her Formation video, the SuperBowl, her possibly faking her pregnancy – the usual. I participated in response: I dug the video, the SuperBowl thing was blown out of proportion, I’m 85% sure she carried her own baby but who cares because the kid looks just like both she and Jigga. The pregnancy rumor led to speculations about other bun-in-the-oven noise and then my fishtail braid-loving friend Tracy insisted – INSISTED – that 71-year-old Diana Ross was with child. Her evidence was a picture of the diva’s protruding belly underneath a skintight yellow top, which she quickly pulled up on her phone. Well, I just shut the fuck up then because what do you say when a clearly confused person says that one of the world’s most famous senior citizens is pregnant? Silver lining: she managed to fluster the stylists for a second time, which gave me another fit of internal giggles. Tracy is the gift that keeps on giving.
I left at around 4:30 that afternoon, box braids swinging and feeling myself. As a writer, it was a fulfilling experience. We were a small group that day but I’ve wasted seven hours under way worse circumstances. Parts of my perspective changed. I learned that I need to get out more and get writing inspiration from strangers. It’s truly a gift for the creative. Now, every time I see a girl in town sporting fishtail braids or see a picture of Diana Ross without Spanx on, I’ll think of the loud lesbian that silenced a group of French-speaking braiders in seconds. Twice.
( c) Eliza David – Facebook – Twitter – Instagram
February 11, 2016
That’s My Best Friend: Meet Ben Ramirez + The Final EXCLUSIVE BrewGirl Excerpt
Eight. Days. Left. BrewGirl drops in eight tiny, little, miniscule days.
And I am SO ready!
Since this will likely be the final post before my RELEASE DAY PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA (you better RSVP, bih!), I thought this would be the best post to discuss a third lead character. Like CeeCee the Cougarette, Zoe has a BFF to hold her down and tell her everything she needs (but doesn’t necessarily want) to hear. Let’s chat about Benito…
Much like Laney was to Cee, Ben’s our main character’s oldest pal, her sounding board, and number one confidante. A friendship that sprouted in junior high, the boys-club camaraderie between Zoe and Ben gives BrewGirl its well-rounded feel. Their familiar rapport almost makes you forget about the romance budding between Zoe and Nick, which Ben thinks is a bad idea. He just knows that Zoe has no clue as to what she’s getting into with the slick L.A. Lothario – but is Ben’s concern genuine…or just genuine jealousy?
Okay, I can’t hold water – here’s one final excerpt from BrewGirl before it drops on February 20th. This takes us to Zoe’s workplace, where she meets Nick after their awkward run-in the week before:
A beep emitted from Zoe’s office phone. She glanced at the screen and hit the speakerphone button.
“Hello, Diane.”
“Come on down to my office, dahling. Want you to meet Nick.” Click.
Zoe stood up from her desk and began the short trek to Diane’s office, which was only two doors down from her own. She was unsure of how to greet Nick after their sexually charged introduction at Guapo’s the previous week. The night she decided she hated his guts. She had rejected him so she was sure his bruised ego would find a way to trip her up. Still, Zoe turned the corner and entered Diane’s office with a professional smile.
Immediately, Nick walked to her with his hand extended. “Hi, I’m Nick Webster. Diane here has told me so much about the famous Zoe Taylor,” he said as he shook her hand and looked into her eyes as if he’d never met her before. “Pleasure to meet you, Zoe…or do you prefer Miss Taylor?” he asked with a smile.
Zoe nodded slowly and decided to play along. “Zoe is just fine, Nick. Looking forward to working with you on the latest campaign. In fact, I was just in my office working on edits when Diane called me.”
“Fantastic!” Diane exclaimed as she slipped on her sunglasses. “I’m actually off to a luncheon downtown with Ted this afternoon, so Zoe, why don’t you take Nick here down to your office and get him up to speed on the edits you’ve made so far?”
Nick nodded. “Sounds like a plan. I’m gonna head to the restroom first before we begin.”
“Down the hall, on the right,” Diane and Zoe said in unison before Nick gave them a curious look and walked out. “What’d I tell you? Nice ass on that one, am I right?” Diane said the moment Nick was out of earshot.
“Yeah, nice ass but it’s on a douchebag,” Zoe replied. “I met him at Guapo’s Friday night.”
Diane’s jaw fell into a semi-smile. “So you’ve already fucked him? Lucky girl!”
“Hell no!” Zoe cringed. “He’s an asshole. Grade A.”
Diane frowned. “That’s odd; Ginger said he was a gentleman when she picked him up from the airport. That’s why I suggested you two work on the launch together. Give you a chance to get to him before the rest of the girls in the office did. Thought you two would make a good match – in the boardroom and in the bedroom.”
Zoe shuddered. “I don’t think so.”
Diane walked toward the door and paused as she noticed Nick returning from the restroom.
“Well, asshole or not, you two are working one on one with this campaign. Learn to like him, dahling.”
She gave Zoe a once-over. “You know, fucking him might help you get over the fact that he’s an asshole.”
Zoe laughed as she turned Diane around by her shoulders and pointed to the exit. “Go to lunch, boss lady.”
As Diane waved her fingers behind her and left, Nick tapped Zoe on her shoulder.
“Ready to head to your office…coworker?”
He raised an eyebrow as Zoe caught herself staring into his eyes after a handful of seconds.
She squinted at him. “Nice act you put on there in front of Diane.”
Nick’s eyes widened. “What act?”
“Acting like you didn’t try to get in my pants last Friday. That act.”
“Oh. That. I still wanna get in your pants, FYI.”
Zoe put her hands on her hips. “But I still don’t like you, FYI.”
Nick leaned into her face with a whisper. “That’s okay because I like you,” he said as he pushed a curly tendril away from Zoe’s forehead. “And I will have you, Zoe Taylor.”
Zoe couldn’t take her eyes off of his until he backed away.
His voice returned to its professional timbre. “But first…we work.”
Zoe swallowed and turned toward her office, feeling the warmth of Nick’s presence walking closely behind her. Her blood pumped and her face felt flushed. Although she wouldn’t admit it to him, Zoe was done denying it: she wanted Nick Webster before anyone else got to him. He was turning her on faster than she’d expected. Everything about him spoke to her senses: his doe green eyes, his slim muscular frame, his aroma. She silently thanked Diane in her head as she closed the office door behind them.
(c) Eliza David – Facebook – Twitter – Instagram
February 5, 2016
If I Were A Boy: Meet Nick Webster
It’s no secret that I write primarily for the free-spirited woman.
Women who likes to throw the word ‘fuck’ around in social circles.
Women who know how to stand up in the boardroom & how to surrender in the bedroom.
Women who enjoy orgasms with or without a partner.
Women who just enjoy being women because feminine sensuality is unmatched.
Chicks. Dames. Broads. Ladies. Bitches: Definitely my choice topic of narrative.
My choice topic of dialogue, however, belongs to the boys.
What can I say? Men excite me: the gait of their stance, their tendency to want to ‘fix’ everything, their fragile egos (my personal favorite aspect), and the way they can annoy and seduce you simultaneously. Hell, I like them so much, I married one and gave birth to another. They say the darnedest things and some of those things often find their way into the mouths of my made-up males.
As a woman, it’s easy for the words of CeeCee, Laney, Zoe, and my other female players to flow from my fingertips. It can get a little pedantic at times because I’ve had some of those conversations in my real life. So you can imagine that stepping into the voice of a man brings me a certain thrill (and challenge) when I try to create authentic dialogue for my male characters.
Jay Weston, the male lead of my first series, was – at his core – a sensitive, caring, and loving soul. He, like most of us, had his demons; he was orphaned as a toddler, never knew his birth mother, met his birth father in an…untraditional manner, was a little bit of an alcoholic, and had a jealous streak hotter than the lovemaking he often engaged in with main character CeeCee Banks. Love him or loathe him, Jay had a good heart that he often left on his sleeve or used as currency to control CeeCee – but it was all in the name of crazy, sexy love.
As is my goal with my female characters, I attempt to give the boys of the Cougarette series complexity and richness. Bryce Costas wasn’t a typical billionaire romantic savior (not by a LONG SHOT!), Lionel Banks shoved CeeCee’s daddy issues right in the reader’s face, and Billy BadAss was made of many layers we’ve seen in real-life tragic pop culture icons.
But sales ingénue Nick Webster of BrewGirl? Well…take a look at this short bio for yourself:
Yeah, girl. He ain’t no Jay Weston.
I have to be completely honest with you: Nick did not come out of my little literary head like this. Building the L.A. Lothario was an exercise of artistic proportion. While selecting a celebrity muse for him was easy, the words that would escape his pouty lips eluded me. For the first time, I found myself conducting dialogue-specific research for a character because I wanted to be accurate in how I presented Mr. Webster. Via social media and good old-fashioned texting, I interviewed three men I could envision hanging out with a guy like Nick: players, bros, lovers-and-leavers.
These conversations gave me an insight into the world of dating, singledom, and a segment of male behavior I thought was extinct. Keep in mind that I’ve been married for over a decade, so some of the stories they shared about their sexual conquests left my mouth gaping. It made me question the sanity of both men and women. And yes, I found myself judging the shit out of both genders. I left each of my interviews with a series of questions bumping around in my head:
Are men like them, like Nick, dangerous? Seductive? Charming? Devious?
Are the women that fall for them in it for the thrill, for the ride?
Or is this particular set of women just that fucking dumb?
Hopefully, BrewGirl (which drops on February 20th) will answer any and all of these questions through its narrative. In the meantime, let’s allow Nick Webster to dwell in your free spiritedness.
Just don’t fall in love with him.
(c) Eliza David – Facebook – Twitter – Instagram
February 1, 2016
HAPPY FEBRUARY: BrewGirl Release Party + Meet The Characters
It’s the first of the mooooooonth…so click HERE and preorder BrewGiiiiiiiirl.
(Okay, I’m no Kanye. My rap skills could use some work. Sue me.)
I’m just REALLY excited about the upcoming release of BrewGirl, a sexy romance about a feminist who falls in love with a chauvinist. You’re not expecting smooth sailing toward a cute happy ending, are you? (Have you read my books?)
RELEASE PARTY: Along with the team at Double Trouble Book Promotions, we’ll be co-hosting a Release Party for the novel on release day – Saturday, February 20th. Click HERE to RSVP for the event. (AUTHORS AND BLOGGERS – Click HERE to sign up for a takeover slot!)
MEET THE CHARACTERS: During the weeks leading up to the release of BrewGirl, I’ll be giving you a peek into my writing process as I created each of the four main characters of the novel. First up, of course, is my main character – Miss Zoe Taylor.
Stepping into the skin of Zoe was a challenge for me as a writer. I was apprehensive at first because she is quite a departure from the main character of my last series, Cecelia ‘CeeCee’ Banks. She’s younger (35 vs. CeeCee’s 43), has a different body type than the sticks-and-bones CeeCee, and a whole lot of attitude. A self-proclaimed feminist who avoids commitment like the plague, Zoe is a marketing exec at Windy City Brewery – a fledgling firm in need of a business jolt with their new Limerita knockoff called BrewGirl IPA. As hard as she works, love eludes Zoe until she sets eyes on Nick Webster in a neighborhood bar. Sparks fly and Zoe finds herself doing something she’s never done before: changing herself for a man. But is it for the better?
Stay tuned to the blog for future Meet The Characters updates. Next up will be the L.A. Loverboy himself, Nick Webster.
(c) Eliza David – Facebook – Twitter – Instagram
January 29, 2016
NEW BLOG POST: The Audacity of Nope
January 25, 2016
NEW BLOG POST: Are You Smarter Than A Third Grader?
What do you do when a nine-year-old asks, “What is ISIS?” – Click HERE to read all about how I tackled it with as much (or as little!) grace as possible!
January 24, 2016
LinkedIn for Indie Authors: Is It Effective Branding?
Writing is my life but I’m truly a salesperson at heart.
Although I majored in Fine Arts, I minored in Marketing. It probably should have been the other way around but what do you expect when you ask a perpetually stoned 17-year-old to plan her future?
I spent over a decade selling everything from ad space to air filters to Olan Mills picture packages to emotional moms-to-be (I like to call that professional phase my ‘heartless go-getter years’).
So often, I find my fellow indie authors lamenting that they struggle with marketing their books and creating a brand. Most writers are die-hard introverts; they wanna write and that’s it.
Me? I’m an extrovert with manners. I love to talk A LOT but I’ve also learned to love to listen, which is required to be a successful marketer. And thanks to a ganja-hazed decision during freshman orientation back in 1996, I chose to learn all about marketing and it’s played a role in my professional and creative lives ever since.
No one’s perfect at this, especially when you are the one chiefly in charge of selling yourself. I’ve thought about employing a PA and about retooling my website. Even thought about attending a virtual marketing course but I have no time to go back to school. While those are longterm goals, last night I decided to grab some low-hanging fruit in the meantime: I launched my LinkedIn page.
As many of you know, I have a corporate day job, so I’m no stranger to LinkedIn. I’ve had my profile for years but never paid much attention to it. Besides adding connections and signing in to catch the latest TED Talk, I never utilized it much.
But something is happening in the world of self-publishing and LinkedIn. Authors, bloggers, PAs, and other indie warriors are logging on and connecting by the droves. Ever the networking salesgirl, I thought I’d give my hand at it.
Are you on LinkedIn? Finding any great connections? Any best practices to share for a prodigal user like me?
January 15, 2016
BrewGirl Cover Reveal + What’s Next?
It’s official! BrewGirl has a cover! WOOT!
This dance is how I feel about this book. It drops in a month (although you can absolutely preorder it HERE), the ARCs are out, and I am working on the final round of edits this MLK weekend. BrewGirl is almost a done deal…so what’s next?
Because y’all know my itchy writing fingers can’t stay still for long – even though I promised myself that I’d do just that in 2016. What can I say? Grinders gon’ grind.
One post-BrewGirl goal I have is to blog more. As some of you know, I am a contributor to the parenting blog. It’s been a great personal resource for me and I plan to add more entries to my page in the upcoming months.
I also plan to begin working on the plot summary of my hush-hush project. It’s ‘hush-hush’ because I plan to formally query it. My ultimate dream is to get published; I don’t know when that will happen but it’s really not a matter of ‘if’ – it’s happening. This idea I have is a departure from the books I’ve self-published, so I want to take my time and mold it before I actually sit down and write it.
I’m guessing those two goals – along with pubbing the hell out of BrewGirl – should keep me busy until the summer. In the meantime, reserve your copy on Amazon and send me good vibes while I grind. Thanks in advance!
January 6, 2016
NEW BLOG POST: Pace, Not Promises
My first mommy blog post of the New Year is up and it’s all about resolutions (and why they should be avoided)! Read all about it HERE! 
