Tunku Halim's Blog, page 11

Hot Chicks!

A friend and I were at a café. Across the road was a billboard plastered with the gorgeous face of a, obviously heavily Photoshopped, young woman.

The words “Hot Chick!” leapt at us, followed by the usual advertising of some otherwise boring product.

“The thing is,” said my friend, “people just don’t think that hot chicks will grow old.”

“I’m sure they do,” I said. “Everyone grows old. We know that!”

“Yeah, but not when you’re staring at a billboard, mesmerised by this young model. Wishing they could get into bed with her.”

I laughed. “You’re right. We don’t think such women age. We don’t realise how impermanent, how unreal beauty is.”

I won’t grow old

“It’s only skin deep, Halim. If we just imagined, say forty, fifty years ahead, we’ll see our hot chick become so aged. Perhaps our desires will just fall away!”

“Hmmm …” I mused. “So hot chicks will become elderly women.”

“Hot chicks, Halim, will become elderly women with joint problems, stomach pains, blabber infections and falling hair.”

“So hot chicks will become geriatrics?”

“Yeah, hot chicks will become geria-chicks!”

Yesterday I came across this quote:

“Both the good and the pleasant present themselves to men and prompt them into action. The yogi prefers the good to the pleasant. Others, driven by their desires, prefer the pleasant to the good and miss the very purpose of life.”

(B.K.S Iyengar)

 That reminded me of our cafe conversation.

The good versus the pleasant.

The model was indeed very pleasant. But if our minds constantly focus on the pleasant we very often miss the good.

We are offered, through corporate propaganda, a multitude of pleasant things which are possible in our lives – good food, spa treatments, fashionable clothes, gorgeous partner, fabulous vehicle and all the things made to entertain us. We can have some of them if we have the money. If we spend. And the corporations thus profit.

But how often are we offered the good?

It seems that we have to seek the good out for ourselves. It’s a more difficult path.

It’s possible that our model on the billboard may realise how unreal, illusory and impermanent life really is and, therefore, to seek out the good.

If she did, I’m sure all us men will follow!

Girls Pressured to be Raunchy, Dumb and Looks-Obsessed

“Celebrity culture and social networking sites risk spawning a generation of dumb and shallow girls, a leading headmistress warns.”

Those first lines in an article in The Times from last year.

Our headmistress warns that young women are under extreme pressure to shun intellectual interests and conform to images of women that lack depth, are raunchy and are obsessed with their looks.

As a father of a sixteen-year-old girl, I find this entirely disturbing.

The evidence is plain to see. You’ll only have to watch music videos, teenage magazines, adverts, movies and TV to see the highly negative influence on our children. The role models today are stereotypes: hunky men, sexy women. Most of them are celebrities. It doesn’t matter if they’re brain dead as long as they’re drop dead gorgeous!

Such images can change our children’s values

Such misgivings are echoed in Lisa Bloom’s book Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World. The author fears that women are in danger of spiraling into a nation of dumbed down, tabloid media obsessed, reality TV addicts.

It all comes to desire. Women, it seems, need to be wanted. And they believe that it is this skin-deep thing called “looks” that will create a desire for them.

Yet in the book Women and Desire by Polly Young-Eisendrath, the author retells the tale of Sir Gawain and Lady Ragnall (the full story is available here).

In the tale, we discover, is that what a woman truly wants is “sovereignty over herself.” To be able to make her own decisions, to be able to exercise her own free will.

Making your own decisions, is a mental activity.

No looks involved.

This means that the better educated you are (whether achieved in or out of school or university), the more you contemplate, the greater the introspection, will likely lead to you making better decisions.

Thus that sovereignty is exercised well.

But as Polly Young-Eisendrath says “ … personal sovereignty is different from assertiveness, individuality, independence, and getting your own way … [it] means feeling free to choose and to intend your actions. It requires practice and knowledge to make decisions in a way that is responsible, fulfilling, and satisfying.”

That is the key. The correct decisions will lead to a fulfilling and satisfying life. I think, for all of us, men and women, that is what we ultimately want.

Is Today’s Music Meaningless and Boring?

My 15-year-old daughter is not going to like me for this. She even refused to read the article in the newspaper.

But frankly, today’s music, whether rock, pop, metal, hip-hop or electronic is “samey, boring and, well, just too loud”.

I’m not just saying this because I was brought up on late 70s and 80s music which embraced so many genres including rock, art rock, heavy metal, pop, disco, soul, reggae, rap, new wave, punk and electronica, but it’s because science tells us so.

Columbia University used computer analysis to study almost 500,000 songs from 1955 to 2010 and concluded that songs have become “simplified and converged stylistically”. Chords and melodies have simplified over the years. At the same time, the recording volume has increased.

This means that, unfortunately, that music today is loud and tend to sound the same.

So it wasn’t my old fogey ideas and nostalgia for things from my teenage years that’s passing judgment on contemporary tunes.

But I will add that songs from thirty-plus years ago have more depth, meaning and just feel more genuine. No computer today can analyse that but I’m willing to bet that it’s pretty much so.

Some of you old fogeys may say that today’s music is all about money and nothing else. I’m inclined to agree but I pray that there are exceptions.

As I watched Paul McCartney at the opening of the London Olympics, my thought turned to John Lennon and I wondered, if he were alive, if he would be up there performing instead.

Nice way to spend the day (March 1969)

But Lennon was a political activist. Can a pop star from today promote world peace by spending a whole week in bed with his wife and inviting the press join them?

Will he or she be able to do what Bob Geldof and Midge Ure did and organise a star-studded UK and US concert to raise funds for the Ethiopian famine?

Can any of today’s pop stars continue what Bono does, networking with both political and business leaders to support humanitarian relief?

I hope so. But I don’t hold my breath …

Blink the Eye

 That’s right, blink the eye and the years go by!

 That’s what came to me at a friend’s 50th birthday party.

 It was wonderful because I met friends whom I hadn’t seen in 25 years. It was strange how they seemed to have hardly changed. I wonder if they found me the same … because, frankly, I’m that same person from 25 years ago.

Of course, I’ve gone through so much more in life. I think I’m a little wiser. And I’m a parent … that does, in many ways, change you. But I’m still me!

The years go by all too quickly. I wonder if it passes by more quickly for those in our generation. There’s no time to be bored.

There’s nothing like boredom that’ll slow down the clock.

 Our generation has all the entertainment options at our fingertips. If we’re not working, we’re being entertained.

Movies, TV shows, text messaging, the internet … now that’s one read time stealer … Facebook, computer games, smart phones and all those apps too!

Except for movies and TV shows, none of those things was available in our parents generation. So did time move slower for them?

Did they have more time to contemplate compared to us?

We “do” so much more with our time. But we should question, what is it that we’re doing?

I wonder if we have the time to stop and think. 

I said to my friend, “Now you can look forward to your 60th birthday.”

He thought I was kidding … but I meant it.

It’ll roll on by in the blink of an eye!

Are You Really Facebook Wise?

I went to a cybersafety talk the other day.

Much of the focus was on Facebook. What I found out was most worrying!

It’s all about your own privacy.

For a start you don’t want the whole word to see your posts. You want to limit this to friends.

And in this world that isn’t so safe, your friends should be people you actually know, not friends of friends whom you’ve never met. The exceptions are publicity or business FB pages which is meant to go get lots of friends. In those cases, like this one, I’m very careful about what I post. Nothing really personal, if you’ve noticed.

It’s also good idea to be able to review tags before photos go up. You might not want others to see what you’re up to!

Increasingly bosses (and potential bosses) spy on their employees on FB. What you’re posted can never be deleted … so watch what you say!

There’s also the danger of identity theft. The more info you put up about yourself, the more there is to steal.

And don’t say you’re going on holidays or going to be away … it’s an invitation to a break-in!

It seems that many people don’t bother with FB’s Privacy Settings. Many don’t even know about it. You’ve got to click that upside down triangle next to Home.

Click the upside down triangle to get here

There’s also this thing called “Tag Suggestions”. It’s really face recognition software!

Imagine that you’re having lunch at a restaurant but told your boss that you’re too will to go to work. A “friend” might then take a photo in the restaurant and instantly you’re tagged. Not good if your boss sees this!

Through Privacy Settings you can also block people and apps.

So I suggest you look at this setting to make sure Facebook is doing what you want it to do.

But now you should also sort out your Security Settings and Notifications.

You do this by clicking on Account Settings.

Security settings allows you to set a security question. This will make it harder for someone to access your account. You can also enable secure browsing, definitely a good idea.

With Notifications, I don’t like a whole heap of emails from Facebook, so it only notifies me when I receive a message from a friend.

You can reduce ads that you and your friends see by clicking on Facebook Ads.

I think this covers some of it … but probably not all!

Book Street and the Biography

Businesses like this still exist.

Imagine. No website. No Facebook page. No Twitter. Not even an email address?

Stepping into Puan Natrah’s bookshop is like stepping into the 1980s. Perhaps even 1960s?

In front of her small, quaint shop is a much faded signboard that reads “Book Street”. It may be the only book outlet in Sri Hartamas, Kuala Lumpur. If it isn’t, then there probably isn’t one like it for miles around.

“We’ve sold almost all the copies of your encyclopedia,” she said to me from behind her glass counter.

“That’s great,” I said. “Do you rent those out?”

“Oh no, I sell them. We rent out other books.”

“I see. You know I’ve got about 200 of my late father’s biography sitting in my brother’s store room,” I said. “Are you interested in taking them?”

Puan Natrah glanced at me quizzically. Then, with a grin, she nodded.

A couple of days later I brought them over and helped stack them up for her.

Like the display?

Although most of the books are in excellent condition, because of the passage of time, some of them are less than perfect. Hence she agreed to sell them at RM15 each, even though the normal retail price is RM39.

“The cheaper price will help sell them,” she said. “I’ve got a lot of stock …”

“I’ll blog about your shop,” I said. “Hopefully, it’ll give you a bit more exposure.”

So anyway, Book Street is in Seri Hartamas. It’s beside the small car park next to Old Town White Coffee. The one opposite the vegetarian restaurant and Moma, the art gallery.

It’s here!

I previously mentioned my Dad’s biography  in a couple of posts: Obama’s Election Victory and Daulat Tuanku – Happy 2009!

So if you get a chance, drop into Puan Natrah’s shop. She doesn’t have a computer, so instead of staring at a screen, she’ll say hello and you could even have a chat!

That’s what we did.

Viagra versus Vairagya

Viagra is a great fix if you can’t get it up. But others use it recreationally, to increase their libido and to become real tigers in bed.

But isn’t “Vairagya” a better cure for erectile dysfunction?

But what the heck is “Vairagya”?

Vairagya is a Sanskrit word for dispassion, detachment or renunciation.

It’s about ending desire. In this case, ending the desire for sex.

Yes, that’s right. I’m back on that desire thing again!

If we drop the desire for sex then there’s no need for Viagra. Imagine the amount of money saved from buying those Pfizer pills. Imagine no side effects. Imagine not having to seek out sexual partners.

But Vairagya covers so much more than sex. It’s a renunciation of all desires. From success at work, to becoming a better writer, to getting that flashy car, buying that mansion or finding the love of our life – all these wants can just fall away.

For desires cause unhappiness.

Having desire necessarily means that we’re unfulfilled. On the other hand, fulfilment is contentment. We have everything we want.

It’s a mind thing.

If we drop desires from our minds, then we’ll be happy.

So if you can’t get it up, how about a good dose of Vairagya?

If you’re seeking happiness, searching a way out of this world that may be full of clutter and misery, exploring a life that’s less materialistic, reaching for something a bit more spiritual then Vairagya may provide the answers.

 Vairagya is the opposite of Viagra.

 The spiritual versus the mundane.

So if you can’t get it up, choose Vairagya and you’ll be happy.

As for your sexual partner, well, he or she can take some Vairagya too!

When I Was Small …

I used to listen to the Bee Gees. I was six and we had the soundtrack to the movie S.W.A.L.K. My favourite song was “My World”. My brother’s was “Melody Fair”. I was a big fan.

Seven years later, in the UK, I was astounded to hear “Stayin’ Alive” and all the other Saturday Night Fever songs were from the same group. Falsettos, dance rhythms like I’d never heard before. Welcome to the disco era.

But then came the backlash. Disco over-kill. But I remained an open fan despite teasing school friends and even until recently some so-called grown-ups, say incredulously: “What, you like the Bee Gees?”

In 2000, they played a concert at Stadium Australia. I refused to see them in such a massive venue. They’d be mere specks on a stage. I’d see them some other time, I told myself, at a less super-sized auditorium.

Three years later, Maurice died at 54. Now I would never see them live. C’est la vie.

A couple of years back, Robin was playing solo in Melbourne. I had tickets but then the dates changed and it became most inconvenient to go. So I didn’t.

Now he’s gone too.

Robin had a distinct soulful voice. He was a more successful solo artist than brother Barry.

The Bee Gees will be remembered most for their disco hits. But their tunes from the 1960s and early 70s still resonate for me.

There are less well-know songs too which have stood the test of time. I recommend: “Wind of Change”, “Subway,” “Greatest Man in the World”, “Fanny Be Tender with My Love”, “Come on Over”, “Can’t Keep A Good Man Down” and “Edge of the Universe”.

You’d also enjoy all their tracks from the S.W.A.L.K soundtrack.

I certainly did when I was six.

I still do.

 

Happiness – Part 2

So are you Over-Desiring?

Do you yearn for too much?

If you want to be happy it may be time to drop some of your desires. Or to put it another way, these desires may be making you unhappy.

If we’re fulfilled in life, this necessarily means that we’re content. This means that we have everything we want.

Naturally, if we’re unfulfilled, then we’re not content. That’s because we don’t have all that we desire.

Correct?

 But “Hey!”, you may well say, we really can’t lump all desires in the one basket, can we?

So here’s a way of looking at DESIRE more closely.

Some desires are mundane:

> I wish this check-out queue would move along.

> I’d like to have curry chicken for lunch.

> I wish they’d stop playing this loud music.

Some are aspirational:

 > I need to be good at writing.

> I have to hit my sales quota this month.

> I want to own a latest model BMW.

Some are benevolent:

 > I wish to end world poverty.

> I have to help my grief-stricken neighbour.

> I want to promote peace and goodwill.

Which ones do you think cause unhappiness. All of them or just some of them?

Or perhaps you might think that desires don’t cause unhappiness at all?

The important thing to note is that DESIRE comes from WITHIN. If happiness is linked to desire, then HAPPINESS comes from WITHIN.

“Hey!” you may again say. “I knew that already!”

But then pressed by the burdens, the pressures of this world, you may not agree. Or perhaps you just didn’t have the time to think about it. Or to even notice?