Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 61

I have no control over my mind

Nasty trip home. Hellacious and exhausting. Yesterday was dead space in brain. Today was searching for something to break the clouds in my brain. So I wrote this. May make it a book. Or a novella to go with another one I posted some time ago. Dunno. I'm just in a foul mood and angry. FREDDYYoung Freddy had gone for a walk.His mood was...he’d rather not talk.A neighbor he’d just met, named Ray,Still stopped him, to quietly say,“Some friends of mine, Chuck, Dan and Bill,Think you’d be such fun...which you will.”That’s when they appeared, as Ray’s pack,To grab Freddy, in an attack.He knew them all, knew they had wivesAnd kids...but they also had knives.Both bound and gagged, he bravely fought,But still got dragged off to a plotWith an old shed. Clothes cut away.Forced down to a basement, to stay."We loved to see your tatts and assAnd wanted you, each time you’d pass,"Ray said, as he forced his way inFreddy’s mouth, the first to begin."The way you fit your jeans was tight.So we're gonna keep you all night.And when we're done then you will knowWe own you and won't let you go."This all was confusing. The ladDid not know what he’d done so badTo cause them to do this. "You're gay,"Don said, going next. "It’s your way.""Then so are you," Freddy spat back.Which only led Chuck to attackHim with fists. "You don't call us queer."Then Bill snarled, "Let me make it clear.It’s fags who get fucked, and not us,So there's nothing more to discuss.We'll keep you to use, till we're done.Then we’ll go find some other oneJust like you, who we'll pass around.While you'll be six feet in the ground."Oh, shit. Other men disappearedWith no word. All dead, as was feared.No, that won’t be me, Freddy thought. No man gets to think that he’s brought Me here to be killed, like I’m trash. I’ll live to make sure your lives crash. Two weeks he spent playing their toy,And he made sure to bring them joyBy using each trick he had learnedTo make every time with him earned,As he built a plan to regroup.Until the night he got the scoopThat by morning, he’d leave this earthIn spirit. But he had no dearthOf ways to escape far from themAnd not accept their evil whim.So that's what he did. And he keptHow he did it a secret, but weptIn the court as he told the foul tale.And those four men went straight to jail.Then Freddy said, "I'll write a book,And in it you can have a lookAt the evil those bastards did me.Now I’m a gay hero...and free."

So far so good...

Christmas visit was nice, despite two VERY long drives, both with me behind the wheel because my youngest brother never learned to drive. That runs in the family; our mother and grandmother never did, either. Just busses and cabs.

Considering how people have forgotten driver etiquette, it might not be a bad idea for me to do, as well.b I did a lot of yelling, down here.

I got some things I asked for, and wound up giving everyone gift cards since I had no idea what they wanted. The vast majority of us are on the same page, politically, so no arguments done. So damn much food -- turkey, ham, stuffing, gravy, corn on the cob, whipped potatoes (my way of making them, with an egg and some cheese), green bean casserole, salad, roasted yams, croissants, rolls, gravy, and cheesecake.

I'm glad I got an even more space seat on the JetBlue flight home; I'll need the extra room.

I'm not going to finish reading Trust, just now. I'm focusing on going through my notes for APoS-New World For Old and for Blood Angel-Franz. I also want to get involved with a new group what will be helping get books too erotic for Kindle and such published.  See if I can get HTRASG set up in it.

Still no word on the review promised me for APoS-Derry. I'm hoping it comes in this week.

I almost think I've recharged my batteries and can get more done in the writing, faster. The ideas I have for NWFO should fit in easily, and some will change the events of APoS-Home Not Home.

I'm actually looking forward to getting back on them.

Photos of my trip...

 These are photos of my trip to San Antonio, to visit my sister, brother and nephews. My brother and sister sitting along the Riverwalk in San Antonio, talking. Riverboat dining. Once the food is brought out, the boat begins its tour along the river. The former Nix Hospital, where my grandmother was a nurse in the newborn nursery on the 23rd floor. She worked there 30 years. The Alamo, of course. The plaza is torn up in some ridiculous attempt to make it into a touristy theme park. But at least the painting of John Wayne in his movie The Alamo is gone from the gift shop. Casa Rio, the first restaurant on the Riverwalk. Serves so-so Mexican food but it's been there for nearly 70 years and started the riverboat dining. Behind it is the Hilton Palacio del Rio, which was built using pre-fabricated rooms that were then stacked onto each other, in 1967, for Hemisfair.

Lunch at Schilo's German Deli. They make their own sauerkraut and root beer. Best ever.
Also had dinner with one nephew at a Rudy's, which offers a great brisket and excellent BBQ sauce, and we talked for hours. Tomorrow is the drive down to Aransas Pass and Christmas.

Southwest Airlines sucks...

Headed for San Antonio, I changed planes in Baltimore. My app told me I was going out of gate B9. It was actually B5. The plane was fully boarded on time and ready to leave...but we sat there for a solid hour. We were still waiting for a bag from another flight.

For some reason I think they were bullshitting us.

So I got in an hour late, then Avis tried to give me a Toyota Tacoma 4x4. I drive a Civic. The smallest car they had available was a Malibu, so I took that but it's like piloting a barge. The hotel is okay, but I stupidly decided to travel up to Austin, today, to check out a store called Glass Coffin...and traffic was hideous thanks to construction, wrecks, and the usual Texas idiots on the road who won't go the speed limit and are in the far inside lane. What used to be a 1-hour trip took 2.5.

It's a fun shop, and I did find a book to help me with Blood Angel -- A History of the Vampire in Popular Culture by Violet Fenn. I think I'll read this en route home. On the trip down, I was reading Trust by Hernan Diaz, which won the Pulitzer for Literature, last year...and I am massively underwhelmed. I'm being told the story instead of experiencing it or getting lost in it, and it's becoming a bit of a chore to finish. I'm about halfway through.

I've already engorged myself with Taco Cabana and Whataburger...and found there are Panda Express and In-n-Outs all over the place. But tomorrow is Rudy's BBQ and Schilo's German Delicatessen, then Saturday is driving down to Aransas Pass for the family Christmas.

Brendan has a moment in New World For Old where he feels like he's broken free from his family's demands and limitations but winds up being called back in, and I can see that in me, right now. I love them all...and love living at the other end of the country from them so we don't have to interact every day. I'm sure they'd wind up hating me after a little while, I'm such a self-involved freak.

Which makes it hard to shop for them at Christmas.

The beginning of my APoS aspic...

Meaning, it's beginning to gel in my head. I'm getting ideas and nudges from Brendan about what to put in not only New World For Old but also Home Not Home.

For example, he wants more time with what is, basically, a second family he builds when he sneaks away from his aunt and uncle's home after a brutal interaction over him dating a Cajun girl. His plan is to get away from them, but he has no idea where else to go so finds a furnished room over near the University of Houston to give him time to think...and grows close to the people who live there.

The place is owned by Mrs. Glendon, who's elderly, always wears light caftans, on the ethereal side, and has a sort of whatever happens happens attitude. The other boarders are:

1. Elton, who's tall, thin, quiet, very shy and still, on disability. his eyes see all, and he's a savant in languages. He becomes pen pals with Rhuari over Gaelic, once Brendan connects them.

2. Richard Markowitz, who's Jewish, stocky, hairy, has a Roman nose, and is always in a suit. He works in food management. He's waiting to see if a contract at UH will become permanent. It doesn't, so he moves on to NASA in Huntsville, AL 

3. Myron Phelan, a young man with cerebral palsy who's independent to a fault, as Mrs. Glendon says. He has sharp eyes and a hawk-like nose. Everyone thinks he's on disability but when he dies they learn his parents put him there because they didn't want him at home. He has a twin brother who is okay but is never seen. 

4. Mrs. Kendall, who's black, very large and a chatterbox. She lives on SSI and cooks killer meals from ingredients others bring her, twice a week, for everyone so she can keep the leftovers.  

5. Miss Alexander is thin and always well dressed, with hair in a French twist. She works in the fabric shop of a local department store and keeps to herself. 

6. Sonja is the granddaughter to Mrs. Glendon, who's chunky, avaricious and surly...except when playing piano. She lives in an apartment over the garage, out back.

He also connects with a guy named Randy-Ray, 50s, who runs a motorcycle shop off 45 and Stoke, back of his house. Brendan gets parts for his Montessa motorbike there and winds up repairing a wreck of a green Peugeot 504, left drive, in exchange for parts. He rebuilds it as a way to repair himself.

I'm not sure how much of this will work in, but I know I'm adding at least one more chapter to give Bren time with them all, then they're part of his Houston life from then on.

I don't feel like writing, no sir...

No writing today. Instead, I watched this little video and let the whole world pass me by as I just vegged and let what Ik'm thinking about APoS-New World For Old settle into my brain.

The anatomy of music is fascinating.. 

On 47 more drafts to go...

Done with this read of APoS-New World For Old. Its up over 131,000 words. And there's more bluntness and anger involved but it's circling in on what it needs to be. And I did it despite a nasty stomach ache. I don't know what I ate, since all I had for dinner was frozen fish sticks, well-cooked, but it's not being happy.

At least I'm through another stage of the story. And scared to death it's going to ge severely criticized. More panicky than anything. But I'm not stopping. I have enough certainty in what I'm writing that I think it will come through well-enough. I'm mainly worried about the details and picky people. There are a lot of assholes out there who will seize on an inperfection to destroy your work. I've seen so much of it happening, lately.

Of course, with the Smashwords sale on for ebooks, I've sold a lot of them...and won't get a single review out of any of it. I have very few reviews...so maybe that's a form of safety against the real world.

Fuck this, I'm getting some Alka-seltzer.

Consistently inconsistent...

Being my usual self, I pulled up BA-Franz to work on...and promptly shifted to read more of APoS-New World For Old. Got through the point where Brendan is, effectively running away from home for the second time. This happens after he's kidnapped from outside The Colonel's bar, where he used to work, and brutalized by some racists over having a girlfriend who's not white. He figures out his uncle knew what was going to happen and said nothing because he thinks Brendan needs to be taught a lesson about how he needs to behave, in Houston.

I'd made changes to the story in the 4th draft that I didn't remember, and which fit in better with what happens in Derry. Mirroring, not repeating. And having a read-through done before heading to San Antonio would be very helpful. Bring the story back to mind so my brain can begin working on it.

You see, I'd pulled up and printed the character outline of BA and started making notes for Franz, but realized I needed to work it out better so the story has some continuity. I'm starting with Léonidès stating he's been refused permission to turn Franz into another Blood Angel because the Oiym are not comfortable with him. They sense his beauty hides a viciousness they don't want out and about in the world. It will draw too much attention to the existence of vampires.

But as noted, when Leon tries to kill Franz, he hesitates and the man shifts into becoming a Blood Angel, and the Oiym's fears are proven to be well-founded. I know the final showdown between the two is going to be in the Vatican, which was not yet a city-state in the middle of Rome. Not sure what that's going to wind up as, but it'll be fun.

After all, the Catholic Church is really nothing more than an acceptable version of a vampire organization. Isn't it?

Conundrum...

Can someone explain something to me? My perfect man is Chris Evans. Tall. Darker hair. Face in excellent proportion. Built nicely. Hair on chest. Talented actor. Has a strut that screams erotic. And laughs in a way that makes me grin like an idiot. Even when he's a bad boy, he's sex on a stick.
I've been watching him develop since he was in this silly little movie called Cellular, which really made no sense but was mindless fun.And he just kept getting better and better looking. Even in Knives Out in that bulky Guernsey sweater, he was hot.

So...why am I also obsessed with Nick Hendrix? He's not unattractive, just nice-looking. Trim but not especially built. Looks good in a suit. Not all that much hair on his body. Pleasant face with what I call poached-egg eyes. And an okay actor who does the job.

But two new episodes are out of Midsomer Murders, where he plays DS Jamie Winter and is second fiddle to Neil Dudgeon as DCI Barnaby. He's not given a lot to do, and only occasionally works the part into something more, but I got excited and watched both episodes, tonight. And he still is not that impressive, physically, but my focus was on him.

A few years back, I used him as the image for Finn, a British cop in my book The Beast in the Nothing Room. Not Henry Cavill (who is phenomenally good-looking). Not Greg Wise (who was gorgeous in Sense and Sensibility). Not even Russell Tovey (whose off-beat looks and aura would have been lovely).

No, it was the image of Finn (looking and behaving like Nick) being kidnapped, raped and brutalized, over and over and over in the book, that worked for me. That inspired me. I think it's one of the best books I've written. Not because of the sex but because it's inventive and scary and 95% just right. The last chapter of the book, how I finalized Finn's life, was too simplistic and could have been handled a lot better...but everything else came together beautifully, thanks to him.

So I don't get it. I don't think he's gay or in the closet. And he's English so it's doubtful he's circumcised. Truth is, I don't want to take him to bed, not really. But even with him in his late 30s and starting to show it, I enjoyed watching him.

Now I'm working on my vampire piece and it's drifting into pure horror, and while the models I'm using for Leonides and Franz are beautiful, their victims will be more normal. I'm also emphasizing the cruelty of their deaths, even if they are deserving of it. And the terror the victims feel. Especially at the hands of Franz, once he's turned. Still, if I could work Nick into it, I would...only I've already used him and don't like to use the same model twice.

Makes no sense to me.

Blood Angel-Franz...

It's decided. I'm working up book three of Blood Angel, and it's called Franz. Léonidès wants to turn Franz into a Blood Angel like himself, to be his mate, but the Oiym, who control the vampire world, refuse to let him. They are wary of giving Franz that kind of power and actually order him to be destroyed.

Léon reluctantly agrees, seduce-rapes him and starts to feed on him...then hesitates, which gives Franz just enough time to begin to turn. And that is a huge mistake. Now he cannot be killed.

Franz is beautiful, but he's also demonic. He held his true nature in check thanks to his breeding and military training. But now that he's a Blood Angel, all sense of morality and manners is gone, gone, gone, and he becomes a cold, cruel, calculating beast. More on the level of Léon's sister, Gabrielle, and exactly what the Oiym feared he would be.

They had set up a number of rules as safety measures in the vampire world, in order keep the human world from really noticing them. His casual disregard for those rules threatens to wreck everything. It's up to Léon to find a way to control him before the Oiym come after him to imprison him in Alexandria.

Only the man is infuriated with Léon over having forced himself on him. So he taunts Léon by terrorizing and killing men who resemble him, and he flouts the Oiym's rules, as if daring them to stop him. What can Léon do? If Franz goes to jail, so does Léon since he started the problem.

This part of the story is going to be very dark. I know my version of darkness is far lighter than many other writers, but we'll see what happens. I've already got a confrontation between Léon and Franz at the end that I am going to make myself let be as horrific as possible. Franz might not be able to die, nor can Léon or his pack, but anyone else around them can.