Joel Arnold's Blog, page 6

Racing Minnesota-style!

Sure, Minnesota has horse racing at Canterbury Park in Shakopee. But horse racing seems rather bland – just the same-old, same-old – compared to some of Minnesota’s other offerings.

If you’re not doing anything between September 7 & 9, 2012, why not head over to the small town of Minneota for Boxelder Bug Days, where not only do they have Boxelder Bug Races, but also an Xtreme Golf Ball Roll, a Rubber Duck Race, and a Tug the Bug event. What is “Tug the Bug”? I’m not really sure I want to know.

Sometime in June you can head over to Cuyuna, MN’s Woodtick Inn to participate in their Wood Tick Races. But no cheating; a “wood tick vet” will be on hand to check for juicing!

On Tuesdays during the summer, Pelican Rapids holds Minnow Races. I’m not sure what the prizes are, but I’m guessing they allow pari-mutuel baiting. (Ba-doom chick!)

Jasper, MN holds Goat Races in August. Or at least they used to. I couldn’t find any updated info on this. Perhaps it ended when George Clooney stopped one of the goats’ hearts with his psychic ability.

Both Luverne and Wayzata, MN hold a variation of Dachshund Racing – Luverne in July during Hot Dog Night, and Wayzata as part of their James J. Hill Days in September.

 The most popular form of non-horse animal racing in Minnesota, however, seems to be turtle racing. It’s particularly popular in resort towns during the summer – a way to gather vacationers into a small town business district for some fun, frolic, and cash-parting.

Longville has been designated (by the MN State Legislature, no less) as the ‘Turtle Racing Capital of the World’.  My family even attended this event for an article I wrote for American Road Magazine, and it is quite the shindig, with a carnival atmosphere throughout the town’s main street. These are held every Wednesday throughout the summer.

Nisswa, which claims to be the ‘Original’ home of the turtle race, also holds them on Wednesdays throughout the summer. Nisswa is a fun little town near Brainerd, and has a lot of cool little shops up and down its main street, including Turtle Town Books & Gifts (formerly Rainy Day Books.) I used the Nisswa turtle races for a little background in my mystery short story ‘Leave No Wake’ which originally appeared in the Resort to Murder anthology.

Another place to catch Wednesday turtle races (what’s with Wednesdays?) is in Perham – and according to their website, these are ‘International Turtle Races’. I’m not sure if they mean that the turtles are from other countries, or the visitors are.

Battle Lake turns turtle racing on its (well-protected) head by holding their races on Thursdays and Saturdays. I’m guessing this is to capture those turtle racing addicts who can’t get enough of it from the merely once-a-week offerings of the other towns.

The Annual Turtle Derby is held at the Diehl Hall plaza in June at the University of Minnesota to benefit the U of MN Children’s Hospital. This event raises some serious bucks for a good cause, although again – I haven’t found any current info for this, the last being the 2006 article I linked to. Anyway, I’m suddenly jonesing for some turtle soup.

So...if you like your races slow and/or whacky, come on over to Minnesota and place your bets!

Jack the Blob Killer

“Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.”
 
I remember these lines from the story Jack & the Beanstalk, even though I haven’t heard them for decades, because my mom used to read this story to me a lot as a child. It was one of my favorites. It was a frightening story, yet held the allure of riches. I wanted to climb a beanstalk (even though I couldn’t climb a regular friggin’ tree) and I wanted to be a tiny person in a cloud world of giants, hiding in crevices and behind the legs of enormous tables, while trying to find a bag of gold coins or the goose that laid golden eggs. The harp I could do without, because as I remember the story, she tried to get Jack caught by yelling for the giant when Jack snatched her. At the time, this seemed traitorous. However I now realize that if I were a magical harp and some stranger tried stealing me, I’d put up a fuss as well.
 
I often attribute my love of horror to things like seeing the Steve McQueen version of The Blob at such a young age – watching it by peaking out from behind a big easy chair – but perhaps it was this story that first inserted its little barbed hooks of horror into my psyche.
 
“Fee fi fo fum...” – the rhyme that the giant in the story repeated whenever Jack reappeared to steal something was my favorite part, because I knew it by heart and would say it along with my mom, both of us lowering our voices to a growl to be more menacing as we said it. But the imagery it evokes is quite violent. “I smell the blood...” – the giant can actually smell blood? Has he got a taste for it? If he catches you will he rip your head off and drink from your neck? “I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.” Again, not only will he drink your blood, he’ll tear out all your bones, as well. And not just remove them, but grind them. What does the giant do with your skin? Use it as toilet paper after he shits you out?
 
So Mr. Blob – you may have to relinquish your crown to the giant of Jack & the Beanstalk for the genesis of my love of all things that go bump in the night. But I still love you, anyway.
 
 

Fran Tarkenton's WSJ Op-Ed piece

So, according to an October 3rd op-ed in the Wall Street Journal - What if the NFL Played by Teachers' Rules - Fran Tarkenton thinks schools would be better off if they were run like the NFL – in other words, the best teachers get the big pay raises instead of the tenure system, the unions would have little power, etc. To prove his point, he contemplates an alternate universe where the NFL is run like the public education system.
 
But so, let’s say the public education system is run like the NFL as per Mr. Tarkenton’s wishes. The teachers would be the players, of course, the principal would be the coach, the administrators would be the owners, and the teacher union would be the – wait, what? There’s actually a players union? Oh yeah – the National Football League Players Association. Anyway, so students are what? The opposing team? I suppose they’d be the spectators. They’d have to pay high ticket prices to attend, of course, and if they want to eat, they’d have to pay exorbitant amounts for non-nutritious meals.  (You can’t pack your own school lunch, obviously.) Oh, and high school students - if you want to drive to school, you'll have to pay a premium to park within easy walking distance of the school entrance.
 
Anyway, so only a certain number of urban areas would get an education ‘franchise’ – only those areas that can afford it.
 
The excellent teachers would get paid millions of dollars. This is awesome! They’d get high paying endorsement deals, and then retire in their thirties, since why continue working when you’re a multi-millionaire? And besides – all the performance enhancing drugs they had to take to make it to the top have really burned them out.
 
The mediocre teachers would only be making salaries in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, of course.
 
Hopefully, the teachers will be satisfied with their salaries, because if not, and they feel they deserve a bigger share of the students’ dollars than the administrators are keeping, there might be a lockout.
 
Look, I watched Fran Tarkenton play football when I was a kid in the 70’s. He was a great quarterback and fun to watch. I’m a Minnesotan, and I know how his mark on the Vikings is deep and still felt by fans. He deserves his place in the Football Hall of Fame.
 
But – to continue the player/teacher analogy – if he were a public school teacher, I’m guessing he’d be one of those cranky old bastards that could no longer handle a classroom full of kids. And since – in his ideal scenario – tenure won’t save him, I’m guessing he’d be long past his teaching prime and would be out on his ass, writing idealistic, unrealistic op-eds to earn a living.

Killer Cocktails in Duluth - MLA 2011

So last week I attended (as an author) the Killer Cocktails event put on by the Twin Cities Sisters in Crime organization, hosted by Fitgers Bookstore in Duluth. It was for the attendees of the Minnesota Library Association’s annual conference to introduce us to the librarians who came to the shindig.
 
First, mucho thanks to the Sisters in Crime folks, since I’m not an official member, yet, and don’t have a lot of mystery/crime fiction out there. But they were gracious enough to let me participate.
 
Second, my apologies to all who attended since...well, I was nervous, and had been doing some running around before the event, and I was a sweaty pig. It was friggin’ embarrassing. The more I thought about it, the worse it got, and...well, it wasn’t a pretty picture.
 
See, here’s a picture taken at the event. That’s me sitting next to the wonderful Monica Ferris. And no, that big dark stain is not a shadow. Dear God, I was pathetic. I’d seen Monica at a few other events, and she always wears a fancy hat, so I asked her if there was a story behind that, and she said how she wore one at some event and it turned out to be a great conversation piece. She said how it would be wonderful if someday someone would ask for a book by ‘the lady with the fancy hats’, and then the bookseller or librarian would say, “Oh, you mean Monica Ferris.” See, I’m afraid that someday someone would ask a bookseller/librarian, “Do you have any books by that sweaty guy?” “Oh, you mean Joel Arnold?” “Yeah, yeah – the sweaty guy.”
 
But so anyway, other than that, I had a nice time. The event was very well organized and I met some great librarians and fellow writers. The writers went around to each table of librarians and we introduced ourselves, did a little spiel about our books, gave out cards, answered questions, etc. Before that, I sat at a table with a number of women who were prison librarians, and when they found out I wrote horror, they told me how some of the prisons they worked at would make great horror novel settings. Probably so!
 

Rutabagas and the Drive Home

Wednesday night I was an attending author at the Killer Cocktails party put on for the librarians attending the Minnesota Library Associations annual conference, held in Duluth this year. More on that later! Anyway, I drove home from Duluth yesterday afternoon and got off I35 to drive Hwy 23 for part of the trip home (the Veterans Evergreen Memorial Scenic Byway). I love the back roads, because you see stuff that the Interstate doesn’t offer.
 
For example, I spotted these at a rest stop in Bruno, MN (birthplace of Ralph Plaisted, “First Explorer to Officially Reach the North Pole by Snow Mobile in April, 1968” as a sign proclaims) – you don’t see these much anymore!
 
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Anyway, the highlight of this drive for me was the town of Askov, pop. 364 – once known as the Rutabaga capital of the world. I’d never heard of the place before, but it was such a fun and quirky little town. All the streets that I saw had Danish names, and there are Danish flags all over the place. But the thing that I especially loved about Askov is this little shop called Lena’s Scandinavian Gifts and Coffee House (home of the Rutabaga malt! And no, I didn’t try it, although maybe next time...) I entered mainly because I needed some coffee, but ended up talking to a guy who worked there for about 20 minutes or so because it was such a unique shop. First, it was filled with all things Danish – except for all of the things rutabaga-related; rutabaga jam, rutabaga shirts, rutabaga...well, other rutabaga things. Second, the shop is in a building built in 1905, and the walls and ceiling are all covered in beautifully textured and colored tin . The tin walls were part of the original building, and the guy I talked to said that they took off about five layers of paint a few years back to get to the original finish.
 
A shop like this is such a fun find for me, since nowadays nearly all tourist shops have the same basic crap in them; t-shirts, shot glasses, postcards, hats, all with the name of whatever state or town you’re in. All very cookie-cutter.
 
But Lena’s was different. Original. By reflecting the spirit, uniqueness and flavor of the town (instead of just trying to cash in on its name) it added to the spirit, uniqueness and flavor of the town. Askov wouldn’t be nearly as fun without Lena’s, and Lena’s wouldn’t be the same without being surrounded by Askov’s ambiance and history.
 
So stop by Lena’s if you’re on your way up to the Lake Superior region.  I highly recommend it. Their krumkake is tasty, and their caramel lattes are delicious. But as for the rutabaga malts – proceed at your own risk!

Killer Cocktails in Duluth

I'll be attending the event below in Duluth this Wednesday - should be a lot of fun! It's running in conjunction with the Minnesota Library Association conference, so will be a good chance to hob and or nob.
Killer CocktailsWednesday, October 12, 7:30–10:00PM
Fitger’s Hotel, 600 E Superior St (follow the crime scene tape!)

Rub elbows with Minnesota crime writers and enjoy signature cocktails and appetizers at this criminally fun event! Don’t forget to stop in at the bookstore. (And if you feel an odd chill, don’t worry: It’s just an opportunity to network with the bookstore’s resident ghosts.) Costumes are optional, but feel free to come as your favorite detective, criminal, or victim. A few of the authors who will be in attendance are Sujata Massey, Christine Husom, Joel Arnold, and Erin Hart.

Twin Cities Book Festival

Melissa and I have a table at the Twin Cities Book Festival this year, so come on over and say hello! I'll be the one drooling over all the other distributor's/author's books.

A Few Grant Deadlines for Writers Coming Up

For the writers out there, here are a few grant deadlines coming up:

Gulliver Travel & Research Grant - deadline to apply is September 30th. This is an $800 grant for speculative fiction writers.

Sustainable Arts Foundation Grant - deadline is also September 30th. This is a $6,000 grant for writers and visual artists with kids.

Minnesota Artist Initiative Grant - deadline is October 5th. This is a $2,000 - $10,000 grant for Minnesota residents (and they give out a bunch of these each year.)

Come on, writers! The odds of winning are WAY better than playing the lottery!

Death Rhythm

I wrote the majority of my novel Death Rhythm when I was in my early twenties. It was my first novel, and I didn’t really know at first if I had it in me.
 
It started with a vivid dream I had of being in an attic and discovering a locked metal box. I opened the box and found a pair of drumsticks and an old medal on a ribbon – an award for a drum competition that someone named Evelyn had won. Also in the box was a small piece of paper with a childish drawing of a snarling face, beneath which was written “Look out for Big Ed.” Though the drawing was simple, it was incredibly frightening. I also knew that the ‘Ed’ in the picture was female – an ‘Edna’. I knew that something bad had happened to Evelyn, and I knew that whatever this bad thing was had occurred at the hands of Edna.
 
That was my dream, and it stuck with me for a long time. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was so much mystery contained in it. So I started to write a novel, trying to figure out what had happened.
 
I wrote it in starts and stops. Scenes came to me:
 
            A guy walking over a narrow trail toward an old graveyard, autumn leaves crunching beneath his feet.
            A beheaded cat swinging from a tree.
            A teenage girl playing with corpses as if they were dolls.
            Gravestones covered in blood.
            A giant dream-phallus crushing someone against the ceiling like an insect.
           
And most importantly; a girl banging on an old field drum to drown out the maniacal ravings of her older sister – of Big Ed.
 
Yeah, I had a bit of a morbid imagination. I guess I still do.
 
I’d write a scene, and then maybe a month later, write another. I plotted as I went along, unsure of where the story was taking me. Eventually it started coming together.
 
I thought of it as a horror novel, but after it was finished and other people read it, they labeled it different things. One reader considered it psychological suspense. Someone else thought it was a mystery. Whatever anyone wants to consider it is fine by me. Hell, I guess you could even say there’s a little romance in it, although if you were to call it a romance, I’d recommend you get counseling.
 
It’s a short novel, about 65,000 words. I wrote two novels after it that were complete crap and will never see the light of day, and then a few more after that which I do like. But this one is my first born, and I think it has matured rather nicely.
 
It’s certainly not for everyone, but if you do like horror (or psychological suspense, or mystery) I hope you’ll give it a chance.

Black and White

One reason a lot of old movies creep me out is the simple black and white aspect. Certain black and white movies don’t even have to be horror to give me the heebie-jeebies. Movies like the original adaptation of Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None (aka Ten Little Indians) or basically any Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce version of Sherlock Holmes. These movies make me look over my shoulder and jump at sounds of the house settling (or the cats knocking something over) more than movies like Saw or Friday the 13th. It also helps if the picture quality is grainy and the soundtrack fuzzy, as if being reproduced from a dusty record and a worn phonograph needle. Perhaps it’s the way the black and white aspect of it lends itself to shadow and making you constantly think that something is lurking just beyond the frame. And a fuzzy, crackling soundtrack – could it be covering up the sound of footsteps creeping up on the characters? That combination can create a real sense of dread in me.
 
Okay, maybe not movies like His Girl Friday or It’s a Wonderful Life, but you get the idea.