Alexandra Isobel's Blog, page 9

MIXED CHICK MIX UP!

I was in my early twenties, standing with a group of women, one of which was from the West Indies. Everyone discussing where they were from, a lively conversation about coming to and living in Canada.  The moment came when one woman looked asked me, “How about you, where are you from?’

And before I could even open my mouth, the West Indian woman, mostly silent during the conversation, immediately says, “Oh, she was born here.”

So many questions screamed to life in my mind.

Why do you say it like that!?  And what makes you so sure?

I wanted to pull her aside to let it be known that both my parents were born in Trinidad.  So were my two older sisters. My third sister, though born here, was made there!  And, by the way, maybe I don’t have many real-life memories from back home, I have lived there vicariously through the rest of my family!

Sigh.  Guess she hit a nerve.

I never did say any of those things.  The conversation moved on while I stood there with my mind hanging open.  The things I wanted to say to defend myself against years of never feeling like I fit in –with any culture—silent.  I was just never one thing or another.

Oreo cookie—according to my black friends.

Too Canadianized – according to my parent’s friends.

Black—according to my white friends.

Mixed chick MIX UP — according to me.

Well, childhood trauma turned into teenage angst, and teenage angst turned into young adult realization.

I was a not even a mixed race girl, but a mixed cultural one, with a mixed sense of home, and a mixed sense of mixed identity.

I was mixed up gal living in a mixed up Canadian culture. 

Me and my sisters in Prince Edward County at a wine tasting!

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Filed under: twitter blather Tagged: mixed culture, twitter blather

STILL STUMBLING AROUND THE INTERNET, TRYING TO FIND YOUR ONLINE TRIBE?

It’s already been done.  Everything seems to be all been there done that now.

Breaking into the romance writing genre market seemed easy enough when I started, oh twenty years ago . . . fast forward past getting married, having children and starting a child care business . . . to my more recent kick at the can.

What the Hell happened!?  Everything changed! 

Gone were newsletters mail outs, printed manuscripts, and letters to editors, replaced with email lists, blog subscriptions and author platforms.  But, hey, I’ve been reading romance novels since high school, writing them since college, basically loving and indulging all things romance and writing my whole life.  Finding a place in this new online romance community should not be that hard, right?  I waded in and read how to e-books and articles, listened to podcasts and followed Youtubers, I read reviews and got myself in tune with how the indie and e-book publishing world was exploding.  I took in and absorbed everything out there.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

I started to do it.  Build a platform and they will come, right?  Wrong.

Still I pressed on.  I looked deeper into the how tos, how not to dos, the what’s what, and the where to go nows.  Twitter, Youtube, Kindle groups, Audiobook chats, Goodreads, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook – you name it, and I was there.  But to my dismay, they were all packed, and I mean jam-packed with people who had done it all.  Every new idea I thought of had ten people doing it already.  I felt like a field mouse trying to get through rush hour traffic on the freeway.

Everything had been done, created and thoroughly well used.    There was nothing left to create or even build upon—everyone was building something somewhere while the rest of the people swarmed in to enjoy.  Seemed there wasn’t even an inch to wedge myself into.

As an introvert, all I wanted was to find some little space to quietly enjoy—maybe bring in a new idea or two, some little thing to build upon, but I couldn’t even do that.  Find my own space in that kind of madness?  Ah, no.

Yet I still wanted to find my online tribe.

So, what did I do?  What do I suggest you do if you’re in the same situation?

Sit down and sort out all the information you have.  Then decide what works for you. What you like.  What you enjoy.  Which social media platform to do you open first and keep returning to?  That’s the one you stick with.

Build a web page or blog and fill it with the stuff you like. There a plenty of people out there who like the same things you do.  And once you find them, they will come.  There is a big temptation to want to build your community based on only what you think your future audience will want.  Don’t do it, especially if you haven’t published your book yet.  Take it from me, the gal who made the mistake, you shouldn’t write blog posts based on a book you plan to write in the future.  Stay with what you know and love.  It will carry you into the future.

Build your social media with idea that, if you never ever published a book, would you keep interacting?  Would you keep writing blog posts?  Would you still participate in your groups? Find and build a community that isn’t based solely on your books.  Go into blogging and building your website and social media for the long haul.  Connect with and interact with things you love and know you’ll keep doing.

Make your blog or website somewhere you want to be.  If you don’t like going to your page to read the stuff, why would anyone else?  I made my blog a place that I like to go to.  Invariably there are a lot of people out there that like the same stuff that I do.  Make it space you want to be in.

Aggregate the things you like to your page. 

Listen to the experts and learn from both their mistakes and successes.  And by experts I mean the people who have gone before you, tried things out and have sound advice to leave behind.  Joanne Penn is my online podcast mentor.  She doesn’t know it, but she has opened my eyes and influenced me toward indie publishing since the first day in 2012 I found and listened to her Creative Penn podcast on iTunes.

Once you sort through the madness, you can build a plan to create your space.  Find your target your audience (the people who are interested and like the same things as you) and interact with them.  This will start to shape your own tribe.

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My introverted space.  The Creative Loft.  http://www.alexandraisobel.com  My quiet space to retreat, nurture my introvert so I can imagine, create, inspire and muse.

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Filed under: introverts Tagged: #introvert, herebeintroverts

Tantric Principles For Intensely Intimate Sex

Tantric principles for intimate sex

Often when I bring up tantric sex to people, their initial reaction is “Sex for four hours? No way!” But, the goal of tantric sex is not necessarily to have marathon sex sessions (though that is 100 percent achievable and not a bad goal). It’s more about having a stronger, deeper, and more intimate connection with your partner. That can translate into hours long sex and mind-blowing orgasms, but don’t start out with that mission in mind.

My nine-year practice as a tantric sex coach and educator was informed by nearly a decade spent studying the authentic roots of Shakti Tantra in the jungles of South India with a teacher who gave her initiation to share the teachings that are 5,000 years old.

I initially learned tantra for my own sexual healing after suffering sexual abuse as a child and a sexual assault in my 20s, which instilled a very disempowered mindset regarding my sexuality and femininity. Tantra principles not only help people have better sex but are also a powerful tool to release unhealthy emotions and trauma that block relationships.

Tantra was instrumental in my healing because in this practice sex is sacred. It is not taboo. It is not something to be ashamed of. It gave me permission to integrate myself as a sexual woman and own that energy as an empowered goddess. Just viewing sex as worship instead of something dirty was incredibly liberating for me.

In my classes and workshops, I use a method called KISS to explain the true mission of tantra:

K-Kinetic

Tantra is about tapping into and embracing our inherent sexual energy.

I-Intimacy

Tantra principles create deeper intimacy and make a true “heart connection” through mindful sex.

S-Slow Down

By slowing down the foreplay and intercourse, you are able to be more present and pay more attention to the feelings and needs of both you and your partner.

S-Sensuality

Feeling sensual before you get sexual will allow you to feel more in your heart, body, and soul and help you feel more in tune with your own body and with your partner.

With that mission in mind, here are my five tips on how to incorporate tantric sex into your sex life:

Avoid judgment.

We tend to be in our heads, creating stories about ourselves and/or our partners when we are having sex. We often judge our bodies, our ability to please our partner, or what our “O face” looks like. When trying something new, those judgments and fears can be amplified. The key is to go into this with no judgment and no agenda—just let go and have fun.

Breathe together.

Bliss breath is a tantra technique that makes you feel much closer to your partner. It helps you have a deeper tantra experience. To try bliss breath, lightly constrict the back of your throat and take long, slow, deep breaths through your nose. It sounds like a sexy Darth Vader. You can inhale and exhale together to the speed and rhythm of your lovemaking, sometimes fast, and then slowing down to ride the edge of climax longer. Being in sync with our breath can bring you into a trance-like state.

Make eye contact.

Intimacy is not just about being naked and engaging in intercourse. Even when you are, you can still hide from true intimacy. As they say, the eyes are the windows to the soul. So, try holding eye contact during foreplay and during sex for a prolonged time. It might feel uncomfortable at first and, sure, you might even giggle from the awkwardness, but the benefits far outweigh that initial uncomfortable feeling.

Prolonged eye contact during sex lets you see deep inside the other person and lets them see deep inside you. When people close their eyes during sex, they are often focusing on their own pleasure or thinking of something—or someone—else. Or, they are just afraid to be truly connected. Eye contact helps you be fully connected to your own sensations and feelings and to your partner’s as well.

Try feather-light touching.

Caressing your partner with a feather-light touch is one form of foreplay in tantra. You can run your fingernails gently up and down his arms, his back, his neck, etc. The skin is a powerful and sensitive organ. This is a great way to tease and delay gratification, which helps to build sexual tension and increase your arousal. It also raises the anticipation of sex, which increases dopamine levels in the body. In tantra, foreplay is not about oral sex or heavy making out. It can be gentle, sensual, and loving and still create a magnetic buildup.

Practice yab-yum.

Yab-yum is a Tibetan word that translates to “father-mother” and is symbolized as two Buddhas in a seated position with the woman seated on top of the man, straddling him with her legs wrapped around her partner. To get in position, start by sitting up straight, cross-legged in front of each other and look into each other’s eyes.

By sitting still, holding the aforementioned eye contact, and breathing in unison, you create an instant and intimate connection. There is no sexual touching involved here, but you do want to use the feather-like touch to caress your partner. The second position has the woman’s knees over her partner’s legs. In the third position, she straddles him and wraps her legs around him—chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart, and genitals-to-genitals.

We are prolonging intercourse to build up that arousal and tension. I recommend that couples try this position for at least five minutes in the beginning and build up to 10 or 15 minutes. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a licensed sex and relationship therapist who has studied oxytocin, says, “Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. With the 20-second hug—chest-to-chest—you will feel a rush.” Can you imagine what you will feel with 15 minutes of yab-yum?

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Adapted from:   Psalm Isadora‘s article of the same name.  Wow!  We’re inspired.

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Filed under: deeply connected Tagged: deeply connected, TANTRIC, tantric sex, Tantric Union

Tantric Sex 101: What It Is & How To Do It

In many cultures, sex is considered merely recreational. Tantric sex is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice thought to expand consciousness and join together the polarities of masculine and feminine energy into a whole.

“Tantric sex is the ancient key to sexual pleasure and psychic power, attained through a set of rituals,” says Ashley Thirleby, author of Tantra: The Key to Sexual Powers. She goes on to explain that tantric sex can “enable you to reach new heights of sexual pleasure and … tap your sexual energy for creative use in other areas of your life … [You] are in [your] most intense state of conscious and subconscious concentration during sexual involvement. Tantra teaches ways to carry this intense focus of concentration into all areas of life.

“The rituals make it possible to enjoy sex more often, for longer periods of greater pleasure than you have ever known before. And the more frequently you have sex, the more quickly and powerfully your sexual energy will regenerate itself … “In Tantra, all faculties — physical, mental, emotional — are stimulated as strongly as possible, then controlled, to bring ever-higher pleasure.”

Other than the spiritual element, what makes tantric sex different from Western sex and separate from the sexual culture in countries like the U.S.? In her book, Thirleby describes Tantra as “free of the hypocrisy that pervades … religious orders that seek enlightenment and truth through asceticism (primarily self-denial in sex). Tantra believes the path to enlightenment is through increased sexual activity.”

Tantra is a deeper sexual experience that most people enjoy. All it takes is the right information and an open mind.
1. Prepare your space.

Prep the bedroom or whatever area you plan to use (living room, etc.) with lots of comfortable pillows and soft bedding. Place lots of lighted, but mostly unscented candles, around the area — safely away from anything flammable. Keep the lighting completely off or on the dimmest setting.

Place glasses of water or a light wine within reach for both you and your partner to enjoy throughout the session. You may even wish to provide light snacks to keep your energy up or to feed to each other. If you wish to scent the area, use an essential oil diffuser with a relaxing scent (lavender is a good choice).

2. Prepare yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Come to the experience with an open mind and an open heart. If something makes you uncomfortable, you can skip it, but try to work through any feelings of discomfort. Those feelings usually come from a place of shame. Throughout the practice, remain playful and show curiosity to find new forms of pleasurable interaction.

Take a shower or bath, either alone or together, but try to refrain from any sexual touching. Stand facing each other and stretch however suits you to release any tension.

Dress in comfortable, nonrestrictive clothing. Underwear, lingerie or shorts and a loose shirt work well. You can practice tantra in the nude if you prefer. But because tantra is about a slow buildup of sexual energy, it’s often helpful to start clothed.

3. Begin the process of slowly building sexual energy — the tantra.

After stretching and showering/bathing, sit in front of each other and get comfortable. You may want to sit cross-legged, or drape your legs over each other so the energy from your erotic zones is in closer proximity. You can also try theYab-Yum position: The male partner sits down cross-legged, while the female sits down on top of his legs and faces him.

Look into each other’s eyes for a long time — the eyes are the windows to the soul. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but continue to look into each other’s eyes as long as it takes to become comfortable with the practice. There is no standard amount of time for this. Once you feel comfortable, a connection has been established. That is the goal. That is the precise sense of connection you need to enjoy tantric sex. Maintain eye contact throughout the practice.

4. Follow these steps in order.

Breathe together. Slow down your breaths, and sync your inhales and exhales. Breathe in and out simultaneously while looking into each other’s eyes. If you like, you can place your hand on your partner’s chest to feel their heart beating.

Once you’re breathing together and fully connected through eye contact, offer your partner some words to connect you further. Some examples include “I love __ about you” or “I feel pleasure when you __.” Be truthful in your statements and say exactly how you feel without fearing how it may be perceived. Take turns sharing statements.
Very lightly and slowly move your fingertips across parts of your partner’s body to awaken the nerves and heighten sensation, maintaining eye contact. Tease your partner by brushing your fingers close to the genitals and breasts but not actually touching them.
If you are not already in Yab-Yum position, move into it. Embrace and breathe together.
Practice a few tantric kisses. “With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath. ” Only then should you join your lips in a soft, slow, sensual kiss.
Give each other a full-body tantric massage . The receiving partner will begin face-down. The giving partner will begin to gently massage non-erogenous zones for several minutes, then proceeding to the erogenous zones.

You can go with a hand-only massage, or incorporate other textural tools, such as pieces of fabric, feathers, or wax. Once you’ve massaged your partner fully face-down, have them partner flip over and perform the same type of massage. A tantric massage is not about sexual stimulation, so do not try to bring your partner to orgasm.
The final step of the practice can be to have sex. Alternatively, you can end the practice simply by lying together in a relaxed, blissful state. Intercourse is not the focus of tantric sex. It is just one of the possible choices on the path.

If you do have sex, proceed slowly, and choose a position (or positions) that heightens your connection with your partner and preferably allows you to maintain eye contact. Most importantly, don’t lose the consciousness of the act. Stay focused and grounded in the moment, patiently allowing energy to build within yourselves and your connection.

You can explore the elements of tantra for as long as you like. There’s no time limit. It’s all about exploring pleasure in the way you most enjoy.

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Article adapted from – Raine Leigh’s article of the same title.  Thank you for such inspiration!

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Filed under: Deeply Connected Tagged: Deeply Connected, TANTRIC, tantric sex, Tantric Union

FEATURED MULTIRACIAL INDIVIDUAL: ILSA LEVINE NORMAN

 

Ilsa Levine Norman, age 26 WHAT MIX ARE YOU? Mother’s side: 1/4 Japanese, 1/8 Irish, 1/8 WelshFather’s side: Jewish so Hungarian, Russian, Spanish WHERE DO YOU

CURRENTLY LIVE? Los Angeles IS THE COMMUNITY YOU LIVE IN NOW DIVERSE? Yes WHERE DID YOU GROW UP? Until I was 14 I grew up in Marin County, a…

via FEATURED MULTIRACIAL INDIVIDUAL: MEET ILSA LEVINE NORMAN — Swirl Nation BlogSwirl Nation Blog

Filed under: Interesting Tagged: mixed culture, mixed race, mixed tribe, people

HER. PREGNANT.

“I’m pregnant.”

Thyssen Skalas, a Navy SEAL in his prime, responds to his childhood love, Charlotte’s announcement with a foolish question, “Is it mine?” which lands him thrown out on his ass.

Three years later, after an out of control downward spiral in the SEALs,  he hits rock bottom.

Charlotte Jones is stunned to find that the filthy vagabond lying sick with fever in her shed is Thyssen, the father of her toddler and the man who broke her heart three years ago.  Even more shocking is that he’s no longer a SEAL and involved with a mob family his father cut ties with years ago.   Oh and he also led an insane professional killer to her door.

Thank you, Thyssen Skalas.

When bullets start to fly and Charlotte and his son are in danger,  Thyssen forces his family into hiding so he can sort things out.

 

There he’ll have a chance to redeem himself to Charlotte, and hopefully, have his one true love fall back in love with him all over again.

 

Filed under: Writing INSPIRATIONS Tagged: alpha hero, military romance, NAVY SEAL romance, romance books

The Tantric Technique Designed To Give You Multiple Orgasms

by Psalm Isadora 

When I studied Tantra in India for nine years, I was especially inspired by the concept of sacred sexuality. It’s an ancient idea that is lost on many Westerners. I especially loved the idea of approaching a woman’s body—particularly her vagina—with a sense of worship.

The vagina is called yoni in Sanskrit and loosely translates to “a sacred space.” In Tantra philosophy, we approach the vagina from a place of the utmost love and respect. Yoni massage is a practice intended to truly honor a woman, to give her selfless pleasure, and to explore the sacred side of our sexuality.

This isn’t about having one orgasm. It’s about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage. It can be done alone, or done by a partner, either individually or as foreplay to lovemaking.

It’s especially beneficial for women who have never had orgasms.

Yoni massage allows you time to slowly explore your body in a more sensual way. It can also help women who have one orgasm and feel finished to achieve multiple orgasms. It can be very healing for those who have suffered sexual trauma in their past, because the approach and technique is all about giving to the woman—making her feel loved, cherished, worshiped, and honored.

As part of my work as a sex and Tantra coach, I’m helping to modernize the ancient secrets in the Kama Sutra.

Here’s how to start exploring:
1. Set the scene.

As you must when exploring all new things, start with an open mind, open heart, and no judgment of yourself or your body. Lie on your back in a comfortable place with a pillow under your hips, your knees up, and your feet on the ground. Have your favorite massage oil handy. I prefer coconut oil for its silky feel and sensual aroma.

2. Connect to your breath.

Breath work is a key element in any Tantra practice. The one we’ll use here is called Bliss Breath. Constrict the back of your throat, inhale, and hear a whispering sound, then exhale and release that sound again. Continue to take deep, slow, and audible breaths.

This grounds you in your body and keeps you out of your head, and it helps to spread the orgasmic energy throughout your body. We don’t want the energy just in your clitoris. This type of deep breathing can help move that energy from the yoni to all parts of your body.

3. Warm up.

While clitoral stimulation is great foreplay for sexual intercourse, a body massage or tantric breast massage is a great warm-up for the yoni massage. The goal here is to get relaxed and slowly build arousal.

Start with some coconut oil on the belly and gently massage there. The belly is an often overlooked area of the woman’s body but has many nerve endings. Massage the rib cage, between the breasts, and the lower abdomen.

Once the body begins to respond, slowly circle the breasts before circling the areola—don’t touch the nipples yet. Once her body responds more, begin to tease the nipples by alternating between circles and light pinching, and between light, medium, and strong touches.

(Get the full rundown on how to perform a tantric breast massage here.)

The Five Yoni Massage Techniques

Once you’ve warmed her body up with a breast massage and nipple stimulation, move on to the yoni massage.

1. Circling

Circle the tip of the clitoris with the tip of your finger to stimulate arousal, varying from smaller circles to larger ones. Alternate the pressure from light to heavy.

2. Pushing and pulling

Push down on the clitoris and make small push and pull strokes, and then slide your finger down the shaft of the clitoris. Do this on both sides of the shaft, keeping in mind that some women are more sensitive on one part of the clitoris than another.

3. Tugging and rolling

To tug the clitoris, pull it gently away from the body by grasping at the sides and tugging back and forth. You can also move lower and tug the sides of the lips. Keep varying strokes from the top of the clitoris to down to the lips. To roll the clitoris, start by holding it firmly and rolling between the thumb and the index finger—kind of like you’re making a tiny violin motion with your fingers.

4. Tapping

Using one or more fingers, tap the clitoris in varying rhythms from fast to slow to learn what the body responds to most.

5. G-spot massage

To find the G-spot, curve your first two fingers like the letter C and slide them into the vagina. Feel for a soft, spongy piece of skin behind the clitoris. You can massage it by making a come hither movement with your curved fingers. Vary between fast and slow strokes. You can also tickle the clit simultaneously at the tip, or place pressure on or above the pubic bone.

Make sure to mix up all the above and vacillate between stimulating the clitoris in the various ways, while also involving the G-spot and nipples.

What is edging and how do you do it?

The goal is to reach the edge of orgasm over and over again. When the body seems ready to explode, slow it down, pull away, then build it back up again to create multiple waves of orgasms instead of just one.

During the cool-down periods, place your hand on the heart to help keep the body grounded, connected, and feeling loving energy. Then build the arousal back up to the edge of orgasm once again, and then back off and slow it down.

The longer the foreplay or the back and forth, the more pleasure will be experienced.

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From my favourite Tantric guru – Psalm Isadora.

Filed under: Deeply Connected Tagged: connected sex, orgasm, tantric sex, Tantric Union

Weekend in Prince Edward County

Tucked into the shores of Lake Ontario lays beautiful wine country – Prince Edward County.

Upscale and trendy, the area has become a widely popular summer playground in Ontario.

Funky cafes, bistros and pubs offer a bounty of magnificent local food.

 

The shoppes are never dull or boring.  Discovery is the word every time you step inside.

And of course . . . the wineries.  So many dot the parkway.  You can drive and taste for hours.







CHEERS!

Filed under: Coffee Shop Knights, CrEaTiVe SPACES Tagged: cottage country, Ontario, Prince Edward County, travel inspirations, Wine, winery

ZEN SPACES FOR YOUR MIND

“Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts.”  Urban Dictionary

Your mind needs a quiet place to go in order to be creative.

Inside

Outside

Let your mind wander, Zen style.

Find a quiet place for your mind.

Once you do, keep your space sacred – a place where only you can go.

 

 

Your space.  Your thoughts.

Take time to find your space.  Your place.  Your balance.

Finding Zen peace opens your mind to creativity so you can . . .

Be your creative self.

Stay in touch . . . find your zen creative space.

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Filed under: CrEaTiVe SPACES Tagged: creative process, CrEaTiVe SPACES, inspiration

BLENDER LEMONADE ANYONE?

BLENDER LEMONADE – great sipper for those hot days of writing

I saw this recipe on the Pure Wow blog and thought, it looks deliciously cool and refreshing, let’s try it.

So here is my attempt to recreate and . . .  I Love it -Love it -Love it.  Thanks, Pure Wow!

Here’s their step-by-step at how it’s done.

THE INGREDIENTS 

Like we said, you need only one lemon. Then take 2 cups of water, a handful of ice cubes and a few tablespoons of sugar for sweetness.  I used my vanilla sugar (cane sugar with a few sticks of vanilla beans inside)

THE INSTRUCTIONS

Wash and scrub the lemon thoroughly. (Remember, it’s going in the blender, peel and all, so you’ll want to be sure it’s squeaky clean.) Next, use a paring knife to cut it into quarters and remove the seeds and the pith (that thick white stuff in the middle). When you’re done, toss the lemon quarters in the blender along with the water, ice cubes, and sugar. Now the fun part: Blend.

IMPORTANT DETAIL

Make sure you blend for a full minute ’til it’s ultra-smooth. Anything less and you’ll taste the pulp.  Next time I’ll blend mine more – I had some strong pulp taste going on.

LAST STEP

Pour your freshly blended concoction in a glass and, if you’re feeling fancy, garnish with a sprig of mint. Enjoy!

Filed under: CrEaTiVe SPACES Tagged: amwriting, lemonade