Kate Rigby's Blog, page 3

It's a small world sometimes ...

...when a Facebook friend mentions he has an ancient copy of your book in his possession. 
This may not seem like a coincidence to many well-known authors - making friends on Facebook and then discovering someone bought one of your books years ago.  But for someone like me, a relative unknown, I find it one of those synchronicity moments, where you're reminded that the world is actually quite small. 
It's always interesting to hear how one of the books you've authored ends up in another's hands - and even more when it's one as long ago as 1990, especially when it was the US hardback of the book, and especially where it was only a short print-run.
This happened last week. I've been friends on Facebook with someone called Ian for a few years. The interesting thing is we didn't connect because of mutual reading and writing interests. In fact Ian's moniker was Jah Wobbly before the Facebook police ordered him to give what I assume to be his real name.  The 'wobbly' referring to his disability, I suspect, and that's how we came to be friends - through mutual campaigning groups against cuts to services and benefits for the long term sick and disabled.  Obviously, with a moniker like Jah Wobbly he was/still is a punk music lover! We chatted a lot about music and shared songs at the beginning of our online connection, but as is the way with Facebook, settings get changed and altered, and suddenly people seem to disappear from your online life and timeline. 
Then Ian's posts mysteriously started appearing in my newsfeed after a long absence and I left a comment. Facebook algorithms mean that commenting again on friends' posts - friends you thought had disappeared into the digital ether - suddenly re-appear again with a new regularity. I must have had a promotion on for Fall Of The Flamingo Circus and seeing it, Ian mentioned in passing that he had a copy of it somewhere. I naturally thought he meant he'd bought a copy of the e-book and by 'somewhere' I took it to mean on a Kindle or iPad.  Nothing unusual about that.
But then a couple of weeks later a picture of the cover of the hardback copy of this book - only published in the US - appeared with a tag on my timeline from none other than Ian to say 'I knew I had a copy somewhere'.
The print-run was pretty small and I only have one copy left myself of the hardback edition in my collection (one of the complimentary copies I got when it was first published).




This is how the conversation went: 
Me: That's a really old copy Ian! I thought you meant you had an e-copy. That's the US hardback from 1990. Is that when you bought it or did you come across it later in a charity shop, lol? I only have one of this left myself though my mum may have got one somewhere. I do have a couple of the paperbacks still.
Ian: must have been 2nd hand bookshop Kate tis where I pick up most of my books unless its a rare music one I want..‪I think I brought it coz I liked the artwork and Flamingo's
Me: So you did judge a book by its cover Ian :)
Ian:‪ Hahaha sometimes - so its a rarity in hardback?



Me: Well there wasn't a big print run Ian nor in the UK! But I guess a rare book by an unknown author ain't gonna make you rich, lol! Although that is my best known one :D
Ian: yours is not the only book I've brought like that


 

‪Me: So I guess you must have picked it up years before we met on FB
Ian: yeah I guess so Kate I do buy loads of books always pop into the bookshop in town
Then Ian shared the back of the book - same as my only hardback copy obviously, except with a lot of added library information.


Then a bit later on the thread Ian said: I remember where I got it from now a library  in the US closed down and the 2nd handbook shop brought a container load of books and I had first pick for helping catalogue them.
Then he enclosed a photo of the actual library ticket inside the book!


So Ian's copy of my book has been on rather a long journey and has a history.  I love the fact that it's had an interesting journey and the fact that Ian was a Facebook friend before and not because of the book which makes it that bit more curious.  I have no idea what Ian felt about the bits between the covers, mind, and I didn't ask! He's probably long forgotten but this tale is an extraordinary one in itself - to me, anyway.
So, do you have a 'synchronicity' story of your own? If so, I would love to hear, authors and readers alike!

2020 Goals

Happy New Year to you all!  2020 certainly has a ring about it, if for no other reason than its description of normal vision!  For the last few years I have made myself some goals for the new year. Keeping on the vision theme, I suppose you could describe them as vision for the year ahead. I've found it's helpful to do that and to see how many I've achieved at the year's end.  So here we go for this year!


    Writing
   1)  I really hope to finish the follow up to Down The Tubes this year.



    2) It would be nice to get on with another Little Guide seeing as it's nearly a decade since I had Little Guide To Unhip published.  I have been doing another one but maybe will do them as a blog for now.  And talking of blogs, I do hope to do more blog posts than last year!
   3) I also think it would be great to bring out collection of poems from Don’t Go Breaking Our Arts, our creative group for people with disabilities. I have thought this for years but I'm not very organised and so would to collaborate with other members and and also decide where to send any royalties - I wouldn’t expect many as these are soon offset by promotion costs etc
    4) I hope to get another book out in paperback - this would now be one of the older ones now that have gone out of print, since all the ones previously unpublished are in paperback now.
    5)  Begin the autobiography that's been brewing for a few years now and also to crack on with some more short stories.

   I think this is way too ambitious seeing as my energy is very compromised (see below).
    Health
   I want to continue with my trying to confirm or eliminate conditions that may be contributing to causing my many symptoms eg autoimmune illnesses like Sjrogrens Syndrome and Lupus. I recently had a positive result for ANA antibodies which can be a sign of an autoimmune illness such as the above or rheumatoid arthritis. These can often go hand in hand with Fibromyalgia and ME which I’m already diagnosed with. But the one thing I really want to get on top of is the debilitating hyperhidrosis. That on top of  fatigue means I am semi housebound as the effort and the organisation to get out anywhere uses up too many spoons!



   I have several appointments lined up - one for physio next week. I also have a GP appointment to discuss the antibodies and I’m trying to get a referral to see a dermatologist or a rheumatologist since it is the experts who can look at specific trends and groups of symptoms rather than dealing with the general as GPs do. But the state of the NHS doesn’t bode well and my ME therapist did also say she could recommend some private specialists - I think this was to do with the menopause. That will have exacerbated a lot of pre-existing conditions. I don’t like the idea of private at all but I am quite desperate.
   House
    These tend to be related to the above and are about greater comfort. Better seating in the sitting room, is one such thing - indoor things and comfort becoming increasingly important the more I need to stay at home!  Plus more storage for bedroom eg better drawers.
   A little pod or something for the garden. The one below I saw last summer and like to dream about it ever so often!




  Family
  I hope to try and continue to support family members as best I can, as some of their needs are great or greater than mine.  It is all a juggling act!
   Anything else will be a bonus.
   Please do share your own new your goals or wish lists if you do them.  Maybe you don't or have given up on them by January the 2nd. I never used to bother myself, although I have had a to-do list for decades!
   

This year's goals...mostly fulfilled!

That time of the year again. I reached a milestone age this last year and now it's December already and time to review whether I achieved the goals I listed at the beginning of the year. 

Writing Goals

I'm happy to say I finished the first and second draft of the follow up to Down The Tubes. I really hope to get it finished by next year!


My second writing goal was to crack on with another Little Guide.  I have made a lot of headway although it's a slow burner, something to fill in those little pockets of time on the go (when I remember!)
I didn't get round to updating my satirical anti-novel Lost The Plot but I did manage to get another novel into paperback. This was my first ever novel, now called Did You Whisper Back? which won a Southern Arts Bursary back in 1991 (after a major rewrite) and that's been out on Kindle for a number of years.  It's an important story about one young woman's struggle with mental illness and it's set in the 1970s when the stigma was much greater even than today.   I enjoyed designing the cover for it to match the subject matter and era.





Health goals
As I mentioned at the end of last year I was I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia ten years ago.  I wanted further investigation into ME too as there is a large overlap between the two conditions and I got the official diagnosis this year.  It was agreed for me to have a group of further sessions on activity management with a specialist and I have had one and a half so far.  The half session had to be cut short due to the condition below.
I would still love to get on top of the hyperhidrosis which is worse in the cold weather, paradoxically. In my goals for last year I planned to try CBD oil, and Turmeric with Black Pepper for the above conditions, which may have not helped with this condition but I like to think they're helping in other ways. 


House Improvement Goals
We got our bespoke book shelves and units in our sitting room (now filled with books!), we've had the upstairs shower removed to create more storage space and a shower installed over the bath downstairs.  I do feel better when I have more storage space and clearing things out.  But still plenty to be done.


Other Goals
I've not been able to return to drop in singing sometimes (because of ongoing health problems mentioned above). This is a cause for regret - but perhaps I can get someone to come to me instead.
Knitting - not achieved!
Help my sister with a website for her art - not achieved!  (But she needs to get some art ready for selling, even if only in card form).

Some of the unachieved will rollover to next year, no doubt, when I do next years's goals.  I find it enormously helpful to do this - it gives a sense of achievement and shows you really are getting things done, even when it feels to the contrary.  

When I put up last years's goals, my good author friend Chantelle Atkins said we should also try and arrange for another meet up.  I thought this would be a great idea although I wasn't too hopeful since going out anywhere, let alone travelling, is an uphill struggle. But I decided I'd really like to go to Mudeford and Christchurch on holiday and as this is nearby, we managed a meet up, yay!  We had a great catch up and natter in our AirBnB in Christchurch. Now Chantelle's latest book is just out - yippee!



My favourite beach huts at Mudeford.


I don't seem to have kept up much with this blog this year, maybe that will be a goal for the new decade.  I'd only realised the other day that yes, we're coming to the end of another decade! I do try to keep this blog mainly about writing. The only other blog post I managed between the years's beginning and end was a political one, and the less said about all that the better.  Onwards and upwards.

I wish you all a happy, healthy and creative new year and decade :)

Notes From An Exasperated Remainer

I don't usually do political on this blog but recent events and being laid up in bed set off a kind of stream of consciousness outpouring...
It’s Brexit Day, not.
We’re fracturing before our eyes. I listened ill in bed, while they popped up like meerkats in parliament, here’s Liz Kendall, shrill, the never ending Tory psychodrama, something like that, she says, and earlier in the week, parliament taking over, shall it be EFTA or Norway with knobs on or Canada without bells and whistles, and I’m getting confused, and I consider myself with enough brain cells left still, and maybe a confirmatory vote, because we’re not sure now quite what the will of the people is or was, because let’s face it all the crap about the billions of pounds for the nhs on the side of the Boris leave bus was a lie, and there was big fraud on that side, but we must respect the will of the people, even though we don’t know what the will of the people is, not now, the will isn’t static, there are 16 year olds now who weren’t old enough then but it is their future, and I’m sick of hearing about the will of the people because half the people voted against leaving, so what about their will? But the hard line Brexiteers or Brexiters want us to crash out of the EU without a deal and let’s have WTO, even though Kenneth Clarke says people really don’t know what WTO means and that this is only a default undesired option for countries who’ve not set up better deals or something like that, but there are the people outside waving their purple flags, Nigel’s UKIP flags or Brexit Party flags because they have been betrayed by parliament they say and worse, Tommy Robinson is across the square with his brand of populism and not in a very long time has parliament been on the precipice, as Theresa May tries to get her Withdrawal Agreement through for a third time, division, clear the lobby, John Bercow bellows and the numbers come back and the PMs deal has been defeated again, though with narrower margins even though she agreed to sacrifice her leadership if she could just get it through and even Jacob Rhys Mogg would backtrack on his previous stance if the DUP will too but the DUP say not on your Nellie or they may as well have said that because of the Irish backstop and the fears of a permanent customs union but they don’t want to be treated any different from the mainland UK, are you following so far, and the joke is that Theresa May fell on her own sword and missed, and very few Labour MPs were persuaded across to vote for the deal and they are right when they say the Prime Minister should have reached across the house at the start not at five to midnight to start discussions and so parliament have had to have indicative votes to suggest where to go next because none of the ideas got an overall majority although a people’s vote came close, and people keep asking about Corbyn and Labour’s stance and they are between a rock and a hard place because their membership - of which I am one - are divided as much as the country and those in the deindustrialised areas felt left behind and neglected by successive governments and Westminster and you can’t blame them and there were those Leavers who marched all the way from Sunderland and many in parliament square converged there on this day to celebrate but now they say how they feel betrayed and will never vote ever again, and it was all David Cameron’s fault for running scared of UKIP and putting party interests before what was best for the country and being complacent about the result, or thinking it through and making a huge miscalculation that cost him dearly and left everyone else to clean up his mess, but there’s been no clean up, just a bitter divisive country, which Theresa May inflamed by putting herself with the people against parliament on the steps of number 10 in an unprecedented statement and my MP left the Tory party to become a tigger, that is one of the independent group, who changed their name to Change.org initially without realising that this is a big campaigning organisation and so now have changed to change.uk so more fragments and even more likelihood of a hung parliament next time round, which may be sooner than we think because of talk of a general election which Jeremy Corbyn would like, and I’ve not even started in Scotland yet who feel they’ve been sidelined, and if they don’t get a deal which keeps us close to Europe then they would be justified in having another independence referendum because they are outward looking and they welcome and rely on migrants, and the people who don’t want May’s deal are united against it for very different reasons, the hard line leavers say it’s worse than staying in the EU, and outside parliament all week it was the Pro Remainers with their blue starry European flags and roaring Stop Brexit and there was the petition to revoke article 50 which got 6 million votes or was that the call for a final people’s vote and businesses say we just want certainty and foods and valuable medicines from Europe may be in short supply or unobtainable altogether and the stockpiling has startedAnd slow forward a few days, well April fools day when there are more debates and I am still ill in bed listening and one MP is saying if people could look his way rather than elsewhere and there are titters and its quite clear that something’s going on in the balcony area, a demonstration has been referred to, and acknowledgement of the rights of people to demonstrate but they have to get on with the important business of the house but I can hear the cacophony in the house and crane up to see my iPad and see Ed Miliband glancing up every now and then to what must be the out of sight balcony, but it’s not until later when I google and see not the titters but the bums, looks like some sort of porno picture but no it’s extinction rebellion, they’ve superglued their arses to the glassed off area in the balcony in protest about the neglect of environmental issues being debated in parliament and slow forward again and the cabinet are locked in discussions for 7 hours or more and the upshot is OMG Theresa May has at last decided to reach across the house and have talks with Jeremy Corbyn and this is the final straw for the ERGers who thinks she’s committed treason for cavorting with the enemy even though she lost her majority and this is what civil countries do - ironically European countries! - where there are hung parliaments or more precisely coalitions, this is the way modern politics works, and isn’t this the whole point? We need to change the way we do things here if democracy is to survive and get up to date and be fit for the twenty first century, but people are saying it’s a trap for Corbyn, and he should keep his hands off Brexit because he could be blamed if it all goes belly up, and then there was the sewage leak onto the chamber where MPs were debating, you could hear the gush of water and you could not make it up
Kate Jay R © April 2019

Goals for 2019

A fresh new year is a great time to start anew or to make yourself some goals for the year ahead and this year is especially important as I'll be reaching a milestone age whether I like it or not!  But I've been doing my year's goals for the last few years now, and for the last year or two I decided to include them in my blog - the writing goals at least. It's a good exercise in taking stock and reviewing what is important, as well as seeing which goals have slipped down the list or off it altogether!  This may be due to lack of time or energy or interest.  But that is life. Ideas evolve, things on the back burner move to the front one and vice versa, while others still are taken off the ring for the foreseeable. 
Writing Goals

Last year I made a lot of progress with my follow up to Down The Tubes. My last word count showed my work in progress to be just shy of 50,000 words which is the usual length of my books! However I've not finished the first draft yet.  I've not been writing quickly, just steadily, and not rushing at it.  But it's the research that's been slowing me down.  It always seems as if I'm not doing anything while I'm researching. There's nothing tangible to show for it, as I collect reams of facts or images or immerse myself in a subject area, even though I'll only be using a fraction of it. But that immersion is important.  So this is my first writing goal. To make good progress with Down The Tubes. Preferably finishing the first draft which I think is achievable.  The second and subsequent drafts should be a lot easier.



My second writing goal is to make progress with another Little Guide.  I have already started elaborating on the ideas but progress is very slow, in part, due to long term health problems (see below).
My third writing goal is to update my satirical anti-novel  Lost The Plot and to get another couple of books into paperback.  I'm never sure though whether all the time and effort putting an e-book into paperback is worth it since I don't sell paperbacks at all. They're nice to have and hold, and to give us gifts.  But I guess many people won't take the chance on an unknown writer - not for the price of a paperback in comparison to an e-book. 
Finally, I shall still try one or two traditional publishers or small presses. I think we all like that vote of confidence and self-belief that publishing affords, and yet at the same time I do like being in control of my own products.
Health goals
Nearly ten years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  But the symptoms are so similar to overlapping conditions, especially ME. In fact, many people with FM also have ME.  The ME specialists in my neck of the woods are good with ME and treat it a neurological condition so I would like to be referred to a specialist.  I did a free 30 minute phone consultation with the ME Association and my symptoms are very consistent with ME.  I'm not sure how this will help in the treatment stakes but at least they will do a batch of tests to rule out other conditions (I hope).  Some of these I have had to do myself. 
I would love to get on top of my other conditions, the worst being Hyperhidrosis.  
Because of the above, I feel I need more input from an enabler, especially with practical help. We (my sister and I) have some very welcome help in the form of transport but other practical help would be welcome too. 
This also relates to my resolve to practise assertiveness and not to be coerced into or expected to do things that make me feel distressed, in pain and fatigued and also not to feel guilty. I did go on assertiveness course many years ago and in a recent situation where I was expected to do something I couldn't, I just ignored it.  I can't change others behaviour but I don't have to engage with it.  So I am going to draw on that very rusty advice in future! 
To try CBD oil, Turmeric with Black Pepper, and Melatonin.  But I have to do these methodically and one at a time to know of there are any benefits.




House Improvement Goals
Making better use of the space in our sitting room, particularly book shelves and units.  Need to get something bespoke.
Also possible shower removal and have a shower over the bath. The removal of the shower can then give me a larger bedroom because as it is I have very little room for manoeuvre.
Other Goals
I would love be able to get back to drop in singing sometimes (but this will depend on getting on top of certain health problems)
Knitting!
Help my sister with a website (this is one of those goals which keeps getting postponed but I need my sister to have something to put on her website first! She has the original art but she needs to get some cards or smaller copies of her work.
Well, not sure all these are achievable and as always they will probably evolve during the course of the year but hey, c'est la vie.
Happy New Year!

That Time Of Year Again!

Yes, December has come round again and it's that time of year to evaluate what I've achieved this year!

One of my first goals for this year was to do more writing. I have tried to stick to that where I can, without getting too distracted by social media but it has been a struggle sometimes.  But at the last count I had almost reached 50 thousand words with my follow up to Down The Tubes. As I only begun it last October I am quite pleased with this.  Like knitting rows, the lines grow, slowly and surely into a shape.  Well, I'm hoping it's a shape. But the first draft is the hardest, the shaping and polishing of the second and subsequent drafts is the really enjoyable part.

I also resolved to put another two books back into print.  The ones that seemed most likely at the beginning of the year were Did You Whisper Back? and Suckers n Scallies.

But in fact it turned out to be Thalidomide Kid



And The Other Side Of Carrie Cornish


I also wanted to begin another Little Guide type of book and I am pleased to say that I've at least started jotting down some notes for this. 
These were my main writing goals.  I had reading goals (books to be read) and I have managed to read and review most of those I'd set myself to read this year.  The other goals were non-writing ones but we also managed to have our garden decking replaced by paving!  This had been on the cards for ages so we're really pleased to get it done and have it admired by several neighbours! And the great thing about it is, the rain really brings out the colours of the stones as you can see.

Well, I hope you've all had a good 2018 and managed to fulfil your goals and chase your dreams.  I try not to make too many at the beginning of a year so they are manageable and achievable.  It will soon be time to make those for 2019 so I better remember that!
Anyway, that just leaves me to wish you all a merry festive season and a big thank you to new readers  and reviewers who have read and enjoyed my books, and supported me through out the year.  It means so much and makes all the difference.
A happy new year to one and all X

Pauline Barclay : Addiction - Kate Rigby

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First Person Present - and other presents!

There's little in the fiction world that generates more polarised views than this: past tense vs present tense fiction.




Recently I was in a Facebook Writers and Readers' Group, when one member asked if she was the only one who didn't get on with books written in the First Person Present.
I must say I don't mind what tense a book is written in as long as the writing is good and the book engaging. But present tense does lend a book immediacy. Now I get that it's not everyone's cuppa, that's fine.  But it's an opinion, a taste.  That's all.
However the discussion got quite heated, with one reader became quite dictatorial about it.  This veteran reader was doling out advice of 'stick to the past tense...unless you are...' (named authors I'd not heard of). As I say he was a seasoned reader but he had no time for seasoned authors who might not write in his preferred tense or genre.  He then went on to make some comment about 'alienating readers at your peril' but from his comments, I doubt that any of my books would have been of interest to him, since they employ the very devices he doesn't have time for.  I write literary fiction, not commercial fiction, and frequently employ present tense if the story demands it.  If you read and write in the literary tradition writing in the present tense is second nature.  
Another author also joined in the debate with the advice that 'writers should stick to the past tense'. Really?  I tried to debate this by arguing that there was no 'should' about it - that it's a personal preference for a particular narrative style but she wasn't having it at all. She justified her stance with 'Did Stephen King or J K Rowling use present tense?  I rest my case.'
Personally I've not read J K Rowling and although I'm sure her books have adult appeal too, they aren't really my bag.  At the same time I totally admire her success and her ability to tap into an archetype at the right time and turn it into a commercial success.  Kudos to her and anybody who has success on a mass scale.  But, not everyone is setting out to write books with mass commercial appeal. Many of us write niche.
The two reactions described above are by no means unusual. Some readers and authors demand tradition.  However this wasn't a present tense vs past tense debate at all.  It was a commercial vs literally fiction debate.  Literary fiction authors often use first person present.  The author in the above-mentioned debate went on to say how she does a blog on writing tips. This concerned me, that she is telling new authors how to write.


Of course there are rights and wrongs of writing. Some novice authors will often switch between present and past unknowingly. In another part of the discussion tense-switching among inexperienced writers came up, and yes, this is a fair criticism. Unwittingly slipping into past tense when writing a book in the present tense is a mistake of the inexperienced.  The key question is - was it intentional?  Many experienced authors switch tense as a device. Many write in past and present tense in the same book and it won't always be an obvious use of them either.  I have seen accomplished authors write about the recent past in past tense and the more distant past in the present tense. It works. I have seen accomplished authors, not only switch tenses purposefully to great effect, but also switch from first person to third and even to second in the same book.  This is a common narrative technique with literary fiction.
Once again, in this debate, many critics of both first and third person present, tended to think it was unusual or gimmicky or new, because of books like The Hunger Games (I've not read them) or because of WattPad.  However, seasoned readers of lit fic will know it's neither new nor unusual. The following authors have all used present tense in their books - many of them award-winning: Kate Atkinson, Margaret Atwood, Jessie Burton, Eimear McBride, Emma Donoghue, Jon McGregor, Hilary Mantel, Wyl Menmuir and many more.


If people don't like present tense, it's their prerogative, just as it's mine not to like Westerns or Paranormal or things with werewolves, as long as they know that it's purely subjective.  But to dismiss all present tense books out of hand, for this reason and this reason only, is a bit like dismissing all pop songs in third person past tense. 

RIP Mo Foster - A personal tribute to a very talented author, friend and unique character

We met you at Southampton Uni reading poetry at the women's group, over 30 years ago, even though you weren't at the uni, wasn't it typical of you to make yourself at home, the poem was a funny one about men and puddles which I have since learned from your friends on Facebook was called Boggerel. I remember when you read it, those fast words blurring into each other, which I later realised is what characterised your voice, especially when nervous or excited.

I don’t think we spoke to you then but you remembered us - my sister and me - for our colourful hair and punky clothes.

When we went to Bournemouth & Poole Women's Group late 80s you were a mutual friend of Chris, also sadly gone, in fact on the day we told you over the phone that she'd died, was the same day as you had a stroke in 2004, but you survived that and many TIAs. 

After you had your stroke you mentioned how the nurses thought that had caused your hard to understand speech! We did a mean impression of you which gave us confidence in tricky situations. The more animated you got or the more funny you find something the harder it was to follow what you were saying, especially on the phone, but in your presence when you laughed your eyes slitted and your cheek bones went even higher.

We saw you a lot in the 90s when we were in Boscombe and you were in Bournemouth for the weekend seeing your ex husband Sid. You'd come with your dog, Zipper, or Zit, as you called him, on your way to Hengistbury Head, one of your favourite places because you could walk Zit there. One of my favourite places too, those gorgeous beach huts like little houses. I went drumming there with you and your friends there once, Hazel, was it, who had a beach hut there or rented one and you were impatient with Ann for getting all depressed and upset over a shit of a bloke. Your poem Monopoly On Suffering by Mo Cuthbertson (classy - your birth mother’s name, I believe) was blue-tacked on our kitchen cupboard for ages until it curled and kept falling off.

You met our friend Elaine and were quite taken with her and her northern accent. One time we argued with each other on the head as you were annoyed about us wanting to leave Boscombe but we got all teary and huggy afterwards and I think you respected us for standing up to you! 

We once went drumming at Corfe Castle with you and we drummed for money! It worked! Within a few days our parents decided to give us some of our inheritance early towards the purchase of a house.

We went to a cafe in Swanage with you and many other things. Always we joked about the wall of backs at that Pagan Moot in a Charminster pub, how welcoming, not! Before we moved to Wimborne you took one of Ann's old painting which she was going to leave behind, it was the innards of an old Bakelite telephone which you put on your wall and some art dealer took an interest in it years later but you forgot his name (Ann swears you took a picture of a colander so maybe you took a couple).

We moved to Wimborne in 95 and you still came to visit us on your Bournemouth weekends. You lost your Irish ex Micky and were devastated. You met our special friend Carole when she was visiting us at Wimborne. You were enthralled by her Chesterfield accent and her wisdom and what she stood for, what she knew you felt was instinctive, and I lent you one of those long insightful missives she sent us regularly and is probably – possibily? – still somewhere among your stuff. I travelled by public transport to Soton to see a play of yours in a university room (was it?) doubling up as a prison cell because you were mainly a playwright in those days while you were teaching writing classes at Soton. You may have had your latest dog Saffie by now, a border terrier, who we finally met in 2010.

When Diana was killed you called her a dozy C and you said it was the queen who did it, haha! We always said happy birthmass because of your Crimbo birthday – bit of a bummer for you, we always thought.

We kept in touch with you after we moved to Devon in the late 90s. You nearly came to see us there once but it was a too hot July day and so we put you off. You kept in touch by phone and we exchanged writing news. I still have the copy of Diva magazine where you had a story published and in the Oldie you wrote one about Rillington Place and I asked if it was true and you said ‘nah, of course it isn’t’ or words to the effect. We both had short stories published in Skrev’s experimental fiction anthology and you supported my books, Fall Of The Flamingo Circus and Suckers n Scallies. You said you liked hanging out with the bad kids and how working class kids had a lot of physical contact with each other. I was so thrilled to have put you in touch with Pepper Books who later became Paper Books and the rest is history.  Your gritty novel A Blues For Shindig about your life in 1950s Soho was snapped up and a fabulous document of that time.  





You loved new people, outcasts, colourful people, people on the fringes of life, people who were well-read, people from different ethnic backgrounds. You questioned the meaning of life a lot, you went to Quaker meetings at one point, you were an avid listener to Radio 4 and you read the grain. 

We saw you last in 2010 when we went back for a catch up with friends on Bournemouth. We thought you wouldn't show but you did. You were usual blunt self by saying we looked older and fatter! Bint is a word I associate with you.  I think you’d met your Russian lover Albertine by then, in fact you did a piece in the graun about it and how happier you were and you went out to Russia and Cuba (I think) and you did seem generally less crotchety and more philosophical but not enough to use your biting edge and bolshie self. That never went. Because heaven forbid that we sanitise you. But your love pressed you to look for your birth mother. We remember you finding your voice after the meeting with your birth mother - which didn't quite go according to plan but another opportunity for a story.

You even found creativity in cancer and wrote your blog and called your tumour Tubby. You kept us all enthralled with your descriptions of the sky on each new day and your neighbour problems and your cat visitor. 

Here is one of those many funny lively gritty down to earth posts:


11th January 2018

Grey again & it was foggy earlier but no nicefoghorns. Can scarcely believe yesterday wasmasquerading as lovely spring, fortunately itis still working as a cheer up factor & it may yetmanifest later. I doubt it!Reference to yesterday blog: I am not exceptionalin my response to cancer, the only thing that isexceptional is my own self-absorption & the factthat I write about the facts as I see them. I shoulddislike being in hospital & to some degree this solitary life suits me very well – chuck me lots of nosh & the keyboard & I am fine, within limits, I lack stimulus for sure. Miss the outside but my tree is there & my foolish jasmine is blushing into pink buds & next doors’ near continual smoke festintrigues my nosey heart – 4am today a lively conversation was alive! I am fortunate to be ableto afford all I need which is not a lot so cheers
& thanks,

I dreamt of you the night following the news of your passing and you were playing chess, me and another ( a guy) were looking on while you imagined your invisible opponent’s moves but then you made up your own moves and were very excited, one piece was doing a sort of spin around another. That sort of summed you up, playing life by your own rules and rebelling! A friend of the family who passed last year used to say RIP meant rejoice in paradise but for you RIP surely means Rebel In Paradise.

Goals For 2017 mostly achieved!

Well it's already December but I am happy to say I achieved most of my goals for this year by late October!

I tried not to set too many for myself this year so that they'd be achievable and of course goals include many non-writing ones too.

My writing goals this year (some of them carried over from last year or even the year before) were:

- Finish the neighbours' at war story - I first penned this back in 2005/6. As the national and international news as well as the political climate formed a backdrop to the story it was badly in need of an update set as it is in 2012/13. I also wanted to include the austerity years and welfare reform so in a way it was harder to do this than start from scratch. I think this is why it took so long.


- A follow up to my novel Down The Tubes - this has been in the pipeline since 2014 and was calling. I finally got started a few weeks ago.

- Getting another book of mine into paperback, possibly Fruit Woman or The Dead Club - both would be nice, was another goal I wrote on January 1st. I'm thrilled to have fulfilled them both.


Other goals

-   HRT Patches - as I suffer with hyperhydrosis I decided I would try HRT patches. Alas these failed dismally but at least I tried. I have also tried three different medications - one of these I may have started last year. The one that has had the most effect has been prescribed in the last few weeks. Unfortunately, there are big side-effects so I continue to abstain unless really necessary and continue to juggle to find the optimum dose.

- Maybe seeing an endocrinologist or at least some private cortisol tests - As I have Fibromyalgia which is similar to hypothyroidism I have been investigating this link. I did get some private blood tests which aren't routinely done on the NHS. My GP did refer me to an endocrinologist, and the endocrinologist gave my GP some very detailed notes and advice some of which included further tests etc which are still ongoing. At least I will be able to rule out anything else by having these tests.

- Genealogy - Alas I haven't done any more on this, this year. My parents did a lot of work in the 1970s on the family history so they did the bulk of the leg work. And it was literally leg work in those days, as they went to visit towns and to look up old parish records on microfiche for hours! There was no Internet back then so it was a real labour of love and I'm very grateful for all that they achieved.

- Updating iPod and music! - I think this got done pretty early on in the year, but it was one of those small jobs that gets put off and was niggling me!

- Ann's art - The idea was to help my sister set up a website for her art work. This is one of those goals that keeps getting postponed, and alas did again this year. But I'm sure I did offer during the year, but it has to be the right time for us both!


- The hall, and moving towards getting a cat! - This refers to the hall units installed with a space for a cat litter box! These got completed in January - no cat yet but a cupboard filled with Xmas 
presents!

I also have a separate 'to be read' reading list but Goodreads will keep me posted on that, I'm sure!
I hope all of you who have set goals for yourself have achieved them too or as near as damn it :)

In the meantime, all good wishes for the festive season and 2018 and thanks for dropping in to my blog.