Kevin DeYoung's Blog, page 109

Advice for Raising Godly Children

Ten pithy sayings from John Witherspoon, Scottish Presbyterian pastor, President of Princeton (1768-1794), and signer of the Declaration of Independence, on parental authority and child rearing:

1. The best exercise in the world for children is to let them romp and jump about, as soon as they are able, according to their own fancy.

2. A parent that has once obtained and knows how to preserve authority will do more by a look of displeasure, than another by the most passionate words and even blows. It hold universally in families and schools, and even the greater bodies of men, the army and navy, that those who keep the strictest discipline give the fewest strokes.

3. There is not a more disgusting sight than the impotent rage of a parent who has no authority.

4. I have heard some parents often say that they cannot correct their children unless they are angry; to whom I have usually answered, then you ought not to correct them at all.

5. Nothing can be more weak and foolish, or more destructive of authority, than when children are noisy and in an ill humor, to give them or promise them something to appease them.

6. Let it always be seen that you are more displeased at sin than at folly.

7. Nothing is more destructive of authority than frequent disputes and chiding upon small matters. This is often more irksome to children than parents are aware of.

8. I am fully persuaded that the plainest and shortest road to real politeness of carriage, and the most amiable sort of hospitality is to think of others just as a Christian ought, and to express these thoughts with modesty and candor.

9. Many parents are much more ready to tell their children such or such a thing is mean, and not like a gentleman, than to warn them that they will incur the displeasure of their Maker.

10. It is a very nice thing in religion to know the real connection between, and the proper mixture of, spirit [i.e., matters of the heart] and form [i.e., disciplines like family worship and church attendance]. The form without the spirit is good for nothing; but on the other hand, the spirit without the form never yet existed.

All quotes are taken from Witherspoon’s Letters on the Education of Children, and On Marriage.

Christians, Mickey Mouse, & Baseball

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

As Neil Postman famously said, we are “amusing ourselves to death” in the Western world. That is true and yet that doesn’t mean a Christian’s life must be void of entertainment. Entertainment, in and of itself, is not evil. Good entertainment can provide rest, delight, and pleasure; and there is nothing wrong with this. You don’t have to turn your gardening sheers into hair clippers, hawk your television set for a new commentary set, or only cook for utilitarian purposes. However, if I can restate Postman’s famous line in more gripping terms, we don’t want to amuse ourselves unto death. Therefore, I would propose these ten governing principles for our approach to entertainment as Christians:

Nothing should be more pleasurable to my soul than a view of Christ (John 1:14; Eph. 1:18; 1 John 3:1-3; 1 Cor. 13:12-13; 2 Peter 1:16-18). Therefore, Christ will be the realm and object in which I find my greatest rest, delight, and pleasure.
There should be no rest, delight, or pleasure in anything that would obstruct or obscure this view. Therefore, all entertainment that would obstruct or obscure my view of Christ is no entertainment to me.
Anything I have previously found rest, delight, or pleasure in and now find obscures my view of Christ should be thrown off immediately. Therefore, I will continually analyze my entertainment choices to determine if they are still appropriate or should be discarded.
This culture’s influential consistent message that fun and enjoyment are worthy chief ends is a hopeless quest. Therefore, I will guard my soul, heart, and mind from this persistent cry.
There is only one chief end (1 Cor. 10:31) worthy of my pursuit. Therefore,  I must be able to say truthfully that the entertainment choices I have made can and are being done to the glory of God.
I am not my own, I have been bought with a price and must glorify God in my body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Therefore, I will not look like the world in my entertainment choices.
I am a complex being including body and soul. Therefore, I need to take time for recreation, enjoyment, rest, etc. for the sake of my body or my soul will suffer. Likewise, I must take time for my soul or my body will suffer.
I have been given limited time in this life. Therefore, I will not lose one moment, but use all that has been given to me in a profitable way.
Godliness is not equal to moroseness. Therefore, I will find things that give me rest, delight my soul, fill my mind with pleasure, and put a smile on my face.
All good gifts come from above. Therefore, I will rest in good things, delight in good things, and find pleasure in good things without any sense of guilt.

As Christians, we don’t have to abandon entertainment. We don’t have to limit our television watching to documentaries, disguise our vacation with a convenient trip to see relatives on the way, or push our fiction books to the back corner of the shelf. We just have to be wise in what we choose to entertain ourselves with and how we approach that entertainment. And then we can laugh, fantasize, and play to the glory of God and our enjoyment. Enjoy Mickey Mouse with your kids. Take in a ball game with your spouse. Have a few friends over to enjoy some good food. Laugh, smile, rest, delight, find pleasure–it’s o.k. for a Christian. Actually, it’s more than o.k.–it is good and right.

Monday Morning Humor

Looking at Nature as an Edwards’ Homeboy

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

If I could wear one of those “Jonathan Edwards is My Homeboy” T-shirts and get away with it, I would. Edwards has influenced my thinking and theology in many ways. One of those ways is small, but it is unique and has been a great blessing. Edwards rightly noted that God is Redeemer and Creator. Therefore, Edwards saw a close relationship between the natural and spiritual worlds. This led him to believe that regenerate men and women should be able to comprehend spiritual types or shadows in natural things. At times, He may have taken it a little farther than I am comfortable with, but the practice of looking for types and shadows of spiritual things in the natural world has been a delightful part of my Christian life for the past decade. Here are a few from Edwards’ own pen:

“The mole opens not his eyes till he be dead.” (179)

“The silkworm is a remarkable type of Christ. Its greatest work is weaving something for our beautiful clothing, and it dies in this work. It spends its life in it, it finishes it in death, as Christ was obedient unto death; his righteousness was chiefly wrought out in dying. And then it rises again, a worm, as Christ was in his state of humiliation, but a more glorious creature. When it rises, it leaves its web for our glorious clothing behind, and rises a perfectly white (butterfly), denoting the purity from imputed grace which He rose as our surety, for in His resurrection He was justified.” (142)

“As one ascends a mountain, they get further and further from the lower world, and the objects of it looks less and less to him. So it is in one that ascends in the way to heaven. Commonly near the foot of a high mountain there is a deep valley, which must be descended in order to come to the mountain. So we must first descend low by humiliation to fit us for spiritual exaltation.” (151)

“When summer has continued uninterrupted for some time, then begin to come many flies and other insects that are hurtful and noisome. But after they are come, they remain long after the weather grows cool, and it must be a very hard frost to kill. A small frost may chill ‘em and restrain ‘em, but they will revive again at the return of every warm day. So a long continuance of a summer or prosperity, of outward or spiritual comforts, breeds hurtful and noisome and corrupting insects as it were to the soul. Many evil things, contrary to the humility and simplicity that is in Christ, gradually creep in till they swarm. So it is in a particular person, and so it is in the church of God.  And after they have go in, and have got foothold, ’tis a hard thing to root ‘em out. If the prosperity and comforts are withdrawn, there must be very much of the contrary before they will be killed. The insects in summer signify the same with the worms in the manna.” (182)

“The sun makes plants to flourish when it shines after rain; otherwise it makes them wither. So clouds and darkness and rains of affliction fit the soul for the clear shining of the Sun of Righteousness. Light and comfort, if the heart is not prepared by humiliation, do but make the heart worse. They fill it with disease of pride, and destroy the welfare of the soul instead of promoting it. II Sam. 23:4.” (83)

Journey outside this afternoon, look at the sky, look at the trees, look down at the blades of grass, think about the bread you are baking or the dirty hands you are washing, and let your spiritual eyes (grounded in Scripture) wander around looking for types and shadows of spiritual things to the encouragement of your soul. And if you are really ambitious, you may even think about starting a notebook like Edwards and myself. This has to be the first step if you have any dream or hope of being able to wear the coveted T-shirt.

Why Pastors Quit

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

Statistics regarding pastors are not very favorable. The Francis Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development reports that 35-40% of ministers last less than 5 years in the ministry. Many statistics show that 60-80% of those who enter the ministry will no longer be found in the ministry 10 years later. Whether these statistics are right or not, it is clear that there are struggles with persevering in the ministry. I would suggest that the reasons below are the greatest struggles to perseverance in the ministry (though you are welcome to add others in the comments). With each I want to offer a little encouragement to young pastors and aspiring seminarians:

Conflict: This is arguably one of the biggest surprises to young pastors. Conflict happens in the church; and it happens all the time. Those in ministry will often be called upon to mediate conflict, navigate the waters of a conflict, and are regularly the target of much conflict. Pastors will find that there are hateful, petty, arrogant, rude, brooding, and discontent people in their congregations. Unfortunately, it is unmistakably true, and a surprise to many pastors, that the uncoverted usually don’t cause the most conflict; it is the converted who often launch the hardest persecutions. As William Still one said, “They want their part of the Gospel or their emphasis, usually that which they wrongly think does not touch them, call upon them, or challenge them.” It is also the case that pastors are often the source of conflict themselves. Sin, errors in judgment, and mistakes in leadership can cause firestorms.

          Encouragement: When pastors are engaged in conflict themselves, they must search their own hearts to see if their passions are out of control (James 4:1-2). Has sin had a way with them. This must be their first and foremost concern. However, most pastors will find that a great deal of conflict in the church will not be a result of their own personal sin. To survive, you must not carry every burden and conflict. There are times to “let go” and move on. Thick skin and a tender heart are good traits for a pastor. You must teach without fear the whole counsel of God, stand by your convictions, and be winsome, but let the chips fall no matter who may be offended.

Discouragement: What a foe this can be. It can drain zeal and the very life out of ministry. Pastors may labor for years and see very little fruit (1 Corinthians 3:2) and yet they are called to continue to labor. People under your care may continually disappoint. Where you thought progress had been made there can be a sudden and awful turn to sin with no remorse, repentance, or seeming conviction. You can begin to doubt your own effectiveness, gifts, and even calling.

          Encouragement: Look for little glimmers of God’s work and grace. We often miss the little encouragements He sends our way, because we are complaining about not seeing more. Be thankful for every blessing. And continue to allow yourself to be surprised by people’s actions and sins. Don’t become cynical. Read good biographies of saints who labored long and hard for the good of the Kingdom. Find a Barnabus (“Son of Encouragement”) or two (Acts 4:36), who will talk you off the ledge and feed your soul. Lastly, don’t forget that our work is spiritual and the world’s measuring stick is not ours.

Suffering: This is real and not to be dismissed. We all know that suffering is part of the Christians life (Matthew 10:38; 16:24) and it is often the case that pastors experience this in great measure. This can come in forms as various as persecution, financial hardship, and family trials related to ministry.

          Encouragement: Keep yourself apprised of the persecuted Church and regularly pray for it. It will keep your mind and heart steadied when persecution comes. Expect to suffer and prepare your family for suffering. And when the suffering comes, plead with God that you would grow to see it as a privilege to suffer for the sake of Christ (Philippians 1:27-30). It is not an easy thing, but continue to look to the example of others from church history and to the cross as you seek to persevere.

Burnout: This may be the number one reason given by pastors as to why they left the ministry. The hours can be long, the phone calls can be late, the concern for others can be unending, there are no three-day weekends, and the vacations can be few. The job can be spiritually, emotionally, and spiritually tiring. In addition, too many men complicate the situation by keeping the candle burning at both ends and then find themselves drained in a few years.

          Encouragement: Have a Sabbath each week. Keep it, safeguard it, and enjoy it. Don’t feel like you have to be at everything and minister to every person. You aren’t omnipresent or omniscient, so don’t act like it. Take vacations with your family. The men who brag about not using all their vacation days are not super-spiritual, they are super-foolish. Take breaks from email. Schedule regular private retreats where you can spend time alone with the Lord in prayer for a couple of days every quarter or twice a year. Find people that encourage, refresh, and feed you. I am always on the lookout for a Philemon (Phil. 1:7), who refreshed the souls of those around him. The benefit of these people cannot be underestimated.

Cares of the World: Business, family, money, position, prestige, and ease can be like the Sirens in Greek Mythology. Their cry can be loud and enticing. And when entertained  too much they can devour.

          Encouragement: Consider Demas as a ready warning (Colossians 4:14; 2 Timothy 4:10; Philemon 1:24). None of us are ever beyond these temptations. Recognize where you are most easily seduced, pray with your wife regularly about it, and let your fellow elders know.

Loneliness: The pastorate can be a very lonely place. Everyone in the church knows you, and for some pastors everyone in the community knows you; yet know one “knows” you. Pastors can get into the habit of thinking they are above or outside the body of Christ and devoid of the need of others ministering to them. And when this happens, ministry becomes very lonely (and deadly).

          Encouragement: Let people know your need of them (Titus 3:12). Don’t be shy about asking for their help, support, love, and friendship. Be willing to allow others to minister to you (Philippians 2:19-29). This requires showing weakness and not pretending to have all the answers all the time. Find someone to pray with regularly–another pastor, elder, lay-leader, or friend that you can share struggles with, joys with, and be encouraged by. Trust your wife, nurture your marriage, and allow her a full-view into your soul.

Moral Failure: This is too often the cause of pastors leaving the ministry. Lying, slothfulness, adultery, and coveting tend to lead the list. Nothing is more devastating to the Kingdom or the local church. A pastor’s sin has the potential of touching and affecting a myriad of lives. One fall and an entire church or even community can discouraged in Christ.

          Encouragement:  Don’t be busy about Kingdom work and forget Kingdom life. Rise early to pray (Mark 1:35). Refuse to turn in for bed on Saturday night until you are affected with the sermon you will preach Sunday morning. Allow others the freedom to confront you! Your own personal holiness, by God’s grace and according to the work of the Spirit in you, must be your greatest pursuit. Know and believe what Robert Murray Mc’Cheyne said, “My people’s greatest need is my own personal holiness.”  Without a holy pastor they will be like “sheep without a shepherd.” As William Still said, “It is the godly character which is the real pastor, or is the basis of him.”

Perseverance in the ministry will always be a challenge. And in many ways it should be. This itself is a blessing. However, it seems that we lose a lot of good men each year due to one of the points above. Knowing them and seeking to actively combat them should be a discussion we have with every seminarian and young pastor. Who knows, there may be a few more that persevere as a result and what a blessing this would be for the Church.

Adoption: A Real Question Many Have

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

Adoption is growing in Christian circles. And in my opinion, that is a good thing. Though I may be a little biased–our two children are adopted. There are many young Christian husbands and wives currently wrestling with whether they should adopt. And in that wrestling different concerns rise to the surface and need to be weighed. Adoption is not for everyone and it can be accompanied with many challenges. Take your time, pray, and think through the issues before you.

Though they are Christian, love children, and see the great need for adoption, the nagging hesitation that may hold some couples back is a concern I wrestled with before adopting. It wasn’t so much the money, or the time, or even the emotional ups and downs of the adoption process. It was something much deeper. A question that I often felt guilty for even considering. I asked myself on more than one occasion, “Will I love these children as ‘my own?’”

Our daughter has been with us for seven years. My son has been part of our family for four years. And I can honestly say, that there has not been a single day that I have thought anything other than, “These are my children.” I almost never think about them being adopted. Someone once asked me if we had told our children that they weren’t our biological children. I chuckled and said, “Of course, but they don’t need to be told. It is pretty evident. They are Chinese and we are Caucasian.” My daughter has the innocent habit of running up to Asian individuals and putting her arm next to theirs and saying, “Look, we have the same skin!” There is no hiding the fact from her!

There are plenty of times in our home life when we talk about them being adopted. They love to hear their adoption stories, we celebrate their adoption days (think of it as another birthday–we always go to a good Chinese restaurant), and we often look through the photo album of our journey to the orphanage, where they spent the early months of their lives. But other than those moments or when a stranger walks up to us at the grocery store to ask where they are adopted from (and yes, this happens often), I never think about them being adopted. I am always caught a little off-guard when someone makes a comment or asks a question about their adoption. I am not offended, just surprised by the question because I seldom think about it.

In no way am I opposed to thinking more about them being adopted. I am happy to think about it and love talking about it with them. The fact is, I don’t think about it much. Because this is just  my daughter and this is just my son. The fear that I had before adoption, that a child void of my DNA or blood would somehow not feel like my child, has been so far from realized that it almost seems silly. However, I say almost, because I am sensitive to the fact that this is not true for every single person who has ever adopted. And so the question needs to truly be weighed and prayed through.

If you are thinking of adoption and this thought occupies your minds, it isn’t a wrong question. It isn’t a sinful question. And it is surely not a question that you should feel guilty for asking. But I can say on this side of adoption, if your experience is anything like mine, this question will never pass through your thoughts again.

Liturgical Breadth Assessment

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos 

Most of us would benefit from assessing our liturgical breadth. And the local church would benefit too! What do I mean? Our liturgical breadth is our given span of acceptance regarding any particular or general element, form, or circumstance of worship.

Let me explain. We each have an ideal worship service in our minds. Your convictions may be unarticulated or even subconscious, but I have yet to meet a Christian, who when pressed, doesn’t have one. Some may believe that a confession of sin should be in every service, while others believe that we should never have a confession of sin. Some Christians believe written prayers should never be used and others that “free” prayers are irresponsible. Some contend that a woman should regularly be asked to read Scripture and others that women are prohibited from reading during the service. There are Christians who believe no instruments should be used in worship and others who think the more creative and numerous the instruments, the better the service is. Even those of us who hold to the regulative principle can’t agree about everything –what has to be included, what could be included, what should never be included, the type of music, the dress of the pastor, the type of prayers prayed, the aesthetics of the worship space, who can do what in the service, the use of doxologies, benedictions, and calls of worship, the focus, the tenor, the time (Saturday evening), etc. We could go on and on. And because of that, very few of us will ever have our ideal worship service. Even Calvin didn’t get everything he wanted!

Therefore, it is helpful to assess our liturgical breadth for three reasons. First, it helps me know where my convictions lie and when my conscience is defiled. How “high” and how “low” can something go before my conscience can no longer abide? For example, I may be convicted that Pastors should be the only individuals allowed to speak, pray, and read the Scriptures at the front of the congregation during corporate worship. That may be my conviction (though it isn’t). If that is the case, how “low” am I willing to go? Would it be fine if a visiting pastor spoke, read, or prayed? How about a lay-elder in the church? How about a deacon, a pastoral intern, a husband, a young woman, a child? No doubt, if my conviction is that only pastors should speak, read, and pray at the front of the congregation during corporate worship, then at some point my conscience will be bound. And the result of a bound conscience is that it will be difficult to worship regularly in such a setting. Assessing my liturgical breadth helps me to know when that moment occurs.

Second, assessing our liturgical breadth challenges us to distinguish our ideal from the essential. There are some people whose breadth is so small that they might as well begin a church of one. Their ideal is the essential! They are never content and they tend to let everyone know it! As we assess our liturgical breadth, we will begin to notice what is essential according to my conscience (bound by Scripture) and what is really just my ideal. And as I realize this, I should begin to see a liturgical breadth in my non-essential liturgical areas. We should encourage some wideness from our ideal in most non-essential liturgical areas –what we will accept, allow, and participate in without complaint or chafing.

This leads to the third and greatest reason for doing a liturgical breath assessment: the peace of the church. I may be convinced that a pastor should wear a suit when preaching, however, a polo shirt in its place shouldn’t send me headed for the door. Likewise, it doesn’t require a Monday morning email to the pastor or a discussion with others about the “inappropriateness” of what we just witnessed. We all need to have a little breadth or the church becomes a constant setting of unrest, conflict, and contention, as I seek to make it in my image according to my ideal.

Would you do yourself and the rest of us a favor? Give yourself a liturgical breadth assessment. If we all knew our breadth a little better, we could continue worshipping without chafing or complaint over “little things.” Recognizing this music or this way of praying or this ministry highlight moment may not be my ideal, but does lie within my liturgical breadth, allows me to worship without restraint and constantly critiquing the same old things in worship each week. My conscience isn’t defiled, it is clean, this just isn’t my ideal. This has the benefit of relieving us from the need to wage every liturgical battle. We can rest a little more, preserve the peace of the church a little more, and humbly submit ourselves in love to those around us to the glory of God a little more. And we could welcome a lot more of that.

RCA Integrity Leadership Conference

We are excited that Dr. Derek Thomas has agreed to be our plenary speaker at the RCA Integrity Leadership Conference this year. For those readers who are in the RCA, we would encourage you to register for this two day conference at which we celebrate the Gospel, our desire to see the local church renewed, and Gospel partnerships encouraged.

You can register online at this site: 2013 Leadership Conference

Monday Morning Humor

The Story You May Not Have Heard (Warning: Graphic Reading)

Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

If I told you that in a small building, in a major metropolitan city, within a state of these United States of America there were over 100 children born into this world and then summarily executed, would you expect there to be a national outcry? Would you expect that there would be candle vigils outside this ghastly and horrific place? Would you expect that our President would call a press conference and ask the nation to be in prayer? Would you expect this to be the subject of discussion over the water cooler at work? Would you expect it to be the main story on the nightly news, the front cover of your daily newspaper, the lead story on NPR, and the subject of call-in talk radio shows? If you would expect this, then your expectations would be unrealized. Our country is in the midst of a national crisis, a crisis of conscience, a crisis of avoidance, and a crisis of morality. And the response is deafening silence.

On March 18th a trial began. The trial of West Philadelphia abortionist “doctor,” Kermit Gosnell, who readily practiced infanticide. As the testimonies from this trial are made public, our stomachs should be turning, our hearts should be grieving, and our heads should be bowed. I am no sensationalist. I find no pleasure in grotesquely reported and detailed accounts. However, this is one trial and the details of which every citizen of this country should know. And we should be led to national grief.

The report of the grand jury that investigated Gosnell’s clinic states, he “catered to the women who couldn’t get abortions elsewhere–because they were too pregnant. For Gosnell, they were an opportunity. The bigger the baby, the more he charged.” Massof, a “right hand man” of Gosnell’s, testified that 100 or more babies were born alive in this abortion clinic. And he described how the babies, born into this world, were summarily executed. He stated that the abortions were “literally a beheading.” He testified that he would snip the spinal cords of the babies. During his testimony, he asked the jury to feel the back of their necks, so he could direct them to were the spinal cord was severed with surgical scissors to ensure the baby’s “demise.” He testified, “I felt like a fireman in hell, I couldn’t put out all the fires.” No doubt he did. Moton, a female employee, reported that she took a picture of one baby boy, because he was so large and appeared so viable. She measured him at “nearly 30 weeks.” She testified that Gosnell later joked that the “baby was so big he could have walked to the bus stop.” Sherry West, a former employee, testified that on one occasion she was handed a 18- to 24-inch-long newborn in a glass pan by an assistant, who asked for her help. She said, “I saw it, and I thought, ‘What do you expect me to do?’ It didn’t have eyes or a mouth but it was like screeching, making this noise. It was weird. It sounded like a little alien.”

Massof is said to have kept severed feet and other body parts in jars at the clinic. If this reminds you of the infamous doctors of the 20th century, who were put on trial at war’s end, your mind is not fanciful creating false comparisons. And the outrage that our nation demonstrated then, should readily be found now.

All of this on the heels of a video that surfaced last week. In this video a Planned Parenthood representative is testifying before a subcommittee of the Florida legislature. In her exchange with these legislators, she refuses to answer a question regarding whether a physician should treat a baby who has been born alive in a “botched abortion.” The Planned Parenthood representative stated that the decision should be left to the patient and the healthcare provider. One keen legislator responded to her, “Wouldn’t at that point the patient be the child struggling on the table?” Her response, “That’s a very good question. I don’t know how to answer that. I would be glad to have some more conversations with you about that.”

Where are we at when a child born into this world can be executed and the fathers and mothers and leaders of that society are not shaken to their bones with disgust? Where is the outcry? Where is the national dialogue and grieving over infanticide in our enlightened 21st century culture? Where is “Rachel weeping for her children?” “Refusing to be comforted because they are no more.”