Mark Cain's Blog: Bobbing for Apples, page 4

Modern satire: BOOMER AT MIDLIFE

For those of you who enjoy my CIRCLES IN HELL series, you might like my modern satire, BOOMER AT MIDLIFE, which I have just released on Kindle.

The main character, Boomer Stapleton, has a kindred spirit in Steve Minion.

I'm running a promotion this weekend. From Thursday, October 27, through Saturday, October 29, I'm giving the book away for free in an attempt to generate some more reviews. Here is a short URL which will take you straight to the book.

https://amzn.com/B01M30DWHN

National Book award nominee Landon Jones calls BOOMER AT MIDLIFE "Bold and bittersweet, a tragedy wrapped in a comedy." The MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW summed the book up this way: "At times irreverent, at times soulful, Boomer at Midlife is at its core an engaging parable about the human condition."

BOOMER AT MIDLIFE languished for years under the control of another publisher. I've recently taken it back to see if I could help it reach a larger audience. It may be my best novel, and I hope my readers will take the time to check it out.

Mark

CIRCLES IN HELL in audiobook format

To all,

THE RELUCTANT DEMON, the fourth and final volume in the CIRCLES IN HELL satire tetralogy, is now out in audiobook. Whether you read the Kindle or paperback editions or listen to the audiobooks, these four volumes comprise a complete story arc.

And now I'm trying to decide: am I done with Hell, or should I turn CIRCLES IN HELL into an ongoing series, like DiscWorld? I've started a fifth volume called, Beelzebub: an autobiography, but I wonder if people would be interested. If you have an opinion, comment here or write me privately at HellsSuper@hotmail.com.

HELL'S SUPER now an audiobook

I hope all of you are well.

I thought I'd let the gang know that, in addition to the CIRCLES IN HELL (which includes HELL'S SUPER, A COLD DAY IN HELL, DEAL WITH THE DEVIL, and THE RELUCTANT DEMON) tetralogy being complete, HELL'S SUPER has just come out on audiobook. The other three audiobooks should all be out by the end of March. The books are doing well, and the audiobook, after only two days, is selling well too.

I think this may be my favorite way to experience them, because I use such idiosyncratic language and eccentric characters in this series. Anyway, hearing the books read really makes you aware of the language. The audiobook really pops!

My promotional efforts are not what they should be, I know, but if any or all of you have more efficient methods to put out the word, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks in advance.

CIRCLES IN HELL COMPLETE

With THE RELUCTANT DEMON, which was published on November 1, my five year sojourn in Hell is complete. I think.

CIRCLES IN HELL is a satire tetralogy that tells the adventures of Steve Minion, Hell's handyman-in-chief, and his friend and assistant, Orson Welles (yes, that Orson Welles). The complete series consists of HELL'S SUPER, A COLD DAY IN HELL, DEAL WITH THE DEVIL, and now THE RELUCTANT DEMON.

The books are proving popular, consistently staying in the top twenty satires sold on Amazon, along with SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE, CATCH-22 and some other heavy hitters. Good company.

The books are out now in paperback and Kindle form and will soon be released as audiobooks as well.

It's been a fun series to write. One hell of a ride.

New book published

A COLD DAY IN HELL, book two in the CIRCLES IN HELL series, has just been released. It picks up where HELL'S SUPER leaves off. The whole gang is back, Steve, Orson, Flo, BOOH, and of course Satan and Beelzebub (Beezy), not to mention a dishy succubus and a pint-sized fire giant. This time Steve and Orson must find out why Hell's heater has failed. A Cold Day In Hell is serious business, because all those things people said ("It will be a cold day in Hell before I'm nice to that jerk" or "It will be a cold day in Hell before [finish that sentence]") are coming true. Chaos is everywhere. And so are the laughs!

The final two books in the series, DEAL WITH THE DEVIL and THE RELUCTANT DEMON, will come out later in 2015.

Mark

in the mind of a character

Ever wonder what a novel's protagonist is like when he's allowed to escape the confines of his plot? Well here's your chance.

Steve Minion, Hell's handyman in chief and the main character of HELL'S SUPER, is briefly unchained in his new interview with goodread's author Michael Matula. Steve is a man of strong opinions, possessing more than his rightful share of sarcasm. Meet the man behind the monkeywrench at

http://michaelmatula.blogspot.com/201...

I just hope he doesn't say anything mean about me. If he does, he'll live to regret it (or he'll be dead regretting it--he's in Hell after all). I'm writing the sequel now, A COLD DAY IN HELL, and I can make things pretty unpleasant for him if he doesn't watch his mouth.

HELL'S SUPER blog tour

To all: I've started a blog tour to promote my comic fantasy/satire, HELL'S SUPER. My first stop on the tour is another Goodreader, the lovely and talented Angelika Rust. Here's a link to that interview.

http://talesofistonnia.blogspot.de/20...

Mike Matula is doing an interview with Steve, my main character. I'll give you that URL when it goes live. Steve is an independent sort of character, so you never know what he'll say. Could make for an interesting read...

Stay tuned for other information about other stops in my whirlwind virtual tour around the globe. Who knows? A Schenectady hosting site may be next!

Why I continue to write

For some time, I've tried to answer for myself why I continue to write. After all this is a pretty crowded field, and getting noticed in a crowd is damn hard. So periodically, like every other writer I suppose, I get maudlin. (I'm sure the gin has something to do with that.)

Why do I continue in this pretty grim business? Well, last night, I had an epiphany. I immediately took two aspirin, but it didn't go away. It wasn't much of an epiphany, I suppose. Pretty obvious, in fact, but it worked for me.

Sometimes, with some of my writer friends, I moan and groan about the oh-so-depressing writer's life. The writing Eeyore: that's me ('tis I).

In six months, I turn 60. That assumes I make it. I've always thought I'd die in my fifties. My dad did, and my mom wasn't much older when she passed, which is probably part of my doom-and-gloom outlook these past few years. My point is that I don't know how many years I have left. Maybe I'll live to be 100, or maybe I'll die in a year. With life being so uncertain, why spend my time on something so demanding that offers so little payback?

Well, last night, I came to a conclusion: there is one thing that will keep me writing.

It's not about money. We can all use money, but I don't really need to earn it from writing. And it's not about readers, although I'd certainly like to have more of them. It's not about a compulsion to write, because I no longer feel that in the way I did when I was younger.

No: it's about the story, or the stories. I always have stories in my head, but I've started a few that I've never finished. HELL'S SUPER began one, but it's not finished. The CIRCLES IN HELL series, of which HELL'S SUPER is the first volume, could be an ongoing series, like DISCWORLD, but Steve's story is a discrete arc. I can really finish his tale in two more books (not counting A COLD DAY IN HELL, which is book two and will come out early next year).

And I have a five volume epic fantasy series which will take me a long time to write, but it's a great story, and it would be in third person, where I write my best prose.

I like to tell stories. And that may simply be enough to keep me going. I sell books or I don't. Just telling the story may be good enough for me.

This all assumes I don't get lazy in my dotage and just stick with tuba playing! It is, after all, MUCH easier than writing. And I make more money at it too!

Seriously, I think I've finally exorcised my writer's demon. For me, I've found my writer's raison d'etre.

Mark
7th of December, 2013

HELL'S SUPER: a very short prologue

HELL'S SUPER has had some great reviews on Amazon, none of which, by the way, have I solicited.

For those of you who want to get a glimpse of HELL'S SUPER, which was just published nine days ago, here's the short 200 word prologue. Oh, the publisher has priced it at 99 cents, or 77 pence, basically the price of a pack of gum. I want readers more than money. I hope this price is below your pain threshold. :)
***
Prologue

The rumble—a constant thrum thrum thrum of many feet pounding against flights of stairs—was not so distant now. The desperate and determined rhythm grew to an ear-splitting cacophony that threatened to overwhelm me.

I swallowed hard. Not long. Soon ten thousand Hellions would surge up the stairwell and trample me, if I couldn’t stop them. And then all Hell would break loose.

I considered my assets: one tool belt, two rolls of duct tape, and a bullhorn. Not much, all told. At least I had a plan, though it seemed pretty lame to me now.

One against an entire horde. Not good. I had never felt so alone, though that would change soon enough.

I could hear the voices of those below, some angry, some jubilant, others merely feral, howls and grunts that sounded as if they came from stampeding animals instead of rampaging humans.

This was not in my job description.

My nerves got the better of me, as the horde reached the landing immediately below. An index finger, slick with my own sweat, curled around the trigger of the bullhorn.

Maybe a bazooka would have been a better choice.

Blogs, bloody blogs

Blogs, blogs, blogs. Every writer is told to write a blog, that it will result in hordes of followers and, eventually, readers for your books. I have no idea if this really works, so I decided that I’d at least perform a public service with my first blog entry. If you find the information useful, let me know, and I’ll provide more.

If you’re reading these words in the first place, you probably know that my comic fantasy, Hell’s Super, will come out later this fall. Steve, who is Hell’s Superintendent of Plant Maintenance, is responsible for fixing everything that breaks in the Underworld. Unfortunately, he’s not a very good handyman. If he were, he wouldn’t have the job. That’s kind of the nature of Hell, you know. Nonetheless, he has decades of experience on the job, so I thought you might be interested in how he would approach a repair project. Think of this as a Hellish Hints from Heloise.

Hell’s Super Handyman Tips

Steve Minion, Hell’s Super, Explains…how to fix a broken teakettle (spout broken off)

Preparation time: 10 minutes. Swearing time: 5 minutes. (Note: If you combine these two phases, you can get the whole job down to an even 10 minutes. That’s what I usually do.)

First, preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. If you work in Metric, sorry, I forgot how to convert between the two. Oh, this has absolutely nothing to do with the repair, but recipes begin this way, so I thought it was as good a starting point as any. Now, to work. Right.

You’ll need a soldering iron, some soldering stuff (can never remember what this is really called), a place to plug in the iron, and some duct tape. (Always, always have duct tape on hand.)

1.Plug in the soldering iron.
2.When the iron is hot, heat the soldering stuff until it melts. Smear this goo on both the kettle and the spout sides of the break. (Try not to use a finger for this task, as it might smart a little.) Then shove the two parts together and hold them that way for sixty seconds as the oozy stuff gets hard again. Oh, better put down the iron while you’re doing this, or you’re likely to burn your shirt or wrist or something.
3.Remove your pressure on the spout and kettle. The mend should look perfect…for about a minute or two, after which the spout will fall off and you’ll remember you should have opted for welding instead of soldering. (This is the point in the process where swearing is particularly useful.)
4.Now, grab your duct tape and use it to fasten the spout onto the kettle. Next make at least a dozen passes with the duct tape around the entire mess. Keep doing this until all the metal is covered and you’re left with a dull gray (or grey, if you prefer) blob. Then open your trash can and throw the whole mess away.
5.Go to the store and buy a new kettle.

For more home repair tips, consult: Hell’s Super (to be published this fall by Taylor Street Books)