Jeff Davidson's Blog, page 2

Regain Your Time

Here is an excerpt of an insightful article by William J. Doherty appearing UU World September/October 2004, called “Let's Take Back our Time”:

“Welcome to the strange new world where being home for dinner is a radical act. For three decades a new spiritual and social justice issue has been arising in our culture and our congregations, but we've been too busy to notice it. It's the problem of time: over-work, over-scheduling, and a chronic sense of hurry. We have become the most productive and the most time-starved people on earth...”

“This is a spiritual issue as well as a social justice issue.... Over-busyness has spiritual effects. Every spiritual tradition emphasizes the importance of silence and repose; most have some form of Sabbath and seasons of reflection. Our culture of busyness is antithetical to the spiritual life. The Trappist monk Thomas Merton expressed it well in Confessions of Guilty Bystander:

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence, and that is activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of this innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone and everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”

The Key to Success

On Friday, October 15, 2010, I had the unique opportunity to meet with Anson Dorrance, the legendary coach of the University of North Carolina women’s soccer team. My daughter had attended his wife’s ballet school for 14 years, so I was thoroughly familiar with him as a Chapel Hill resident.

On this evening, which was the basketball tip off night for UNC, NC State, and Duke, thus compelling tens of thousands of fans to stay on campus, Dorrance and Tim Crothers were to appear at Quail Ridge Bookstore to discuss the second edition of their book The Man Watching.

Instead of droves of people attending, only nine people populated the audience. So, what might have been a formal author presentation followed by a question and answer session turned into a rather brief author discussion followed by an extended interpersonal give and take. What’s more, both Dorrance and Crothers stayed for more than an hour. This was a rare night indeed.

I was able to ask them about the UNC women’s soccer team on a level that most fans can never even approach. For example, I posed questions about the health status of several key players who are currently on the injured roster, and others such as whether losses still hurt. I asked what losses really meant when he said, for example, that losing three times in 2009 didn’t prevent the team from becoming the national champions.

Dorrance discussed at length his fundamental belief that men and women are primarily different, a primary reason why he has been successful as a coach. He knows how to reach his players in a way that other coaches cannot because they are treating male and female athletes as essentially the same. I mentally noted that Geno Auriemma of the University of Connecticut shares the feeling: that women are different. Both coaches believe that women want to please others and play for a coach who has confidence in them. Coaches who harness these dual desires can propel their teams faster and further toward their goals.

I learned that Dorrance does not take a regimented approach to coaching. He is not a disciplinarian. The team doesn’t run extra laps when something goes wrong. Rather, while making sure that his team is in top physical shape, he is a constant strategist and motivator. He is constantly talking to his team members, offering them philosophical quotes and insightful observations.

The title of the book about Dorrance, The Man Watching, refers to a poem which he reads to the team at the start of each season. Freshmen and sophomores never quite understand it, but the juniors and seniors assure their underclassmen that by the time they’ve heard the poem three or four times, they’ll get it.

The team engages in a variety of bonding rituals. Any time it’s someone’s birthday, cake will be served, whether it’s after practice or a game. Surprisingly, no utensils are ever passed out. Everyone grabs their portion with their fist and eats it like cave dwellers might do.

Each team develops its own personality as the season goes on. Players often get to games on time by themselves when the games are in driving distance, such as at Duke in Durham, or NC State in Raleigh. When the team does go by bus, sometimes they don’t arrive until a few minutes beforehand. In one celebrated incident, the team left Chapel Hill at 7:15 p.m. for a game against NC State to be held in Cary at 8:00. The team had about 90 seconds to warm up on the field before the game began.

Dorrance was an unlikely candidate for the job he now holds. Self described as a “loose cannon,” he attended UNC studying to be a lawyer following his undergraduate days. He began coaching the men’s soccer team for the extra income, and was asked to take on the women’s team as well. Success came to him quickly. He won the AIA Championship – at the time the equivalent of the national championship. From that point on, his teams won 20 of 28 NCAA championships. This team represents a dynasty virtually unprecedented in college sports. What’s more, the team has had the same coach the whole way through as well as two very long term assistants.

Dorrance’s attitude towards sports is unique. He was always undersized as a high school and college soccer player, so he decided to put in the extra effort to make himself a winner. His attitude is conveyed to his players who, even when behind or not playing up to their best, still know in the back of their minds that they are going to win.

Most impressive about the evening was that Dorrance and Crothers had no notion of stopping. They would have continued to answer questions and chew the lean about soccer, their book, and UNC sports for as long as the handful of us would have listened. The bookstore staff finally came around and told us that we needed to wind it up in the next couple of minutes. So, for that reason alone, the evening with one of the greatest coaches in world history ended.

Breathing Space Can Happen

When you draw upon your own accumulated knowledge and the wisdom that you develop, you're able to intermittently free yourself from ever accelerating flows of information. That is true Breathing Space.

Getting Lucky

Unlucky people miss out on random opportunities because they're too busy seeking something else. Lucky people see what is present beyond only what they're seeking.

Being Hacked offers No Breathing Space

Using any of these 25 passwords is highly risky. A hacked password equals no breathing space. Instead make up something more complex, with random letters and numbers, such as ij6kf40d1. Or use an acronym and numbers known only to you, such a mwdSina8 ("my wonderful dog Skippy is now age 8").

These are a hackers delight:

      1. 123456
      2. password
      3. 12345
      4. 12345678
      5. qwerty

      6. 123456789
      7. 1234
      8. baseball
      9. dragon
    10. football

    11. 1234567
    12. monkey
    13. letmein
    14. abc123
    15. 111111

    16.mustang
    17. access
    18. shadow
    19. master
    20. michael

    21. superman
    22. 696969
    23. 123123
    24. batman)
    25. trustno1

Notes from Ritual: by Emma Restall Orr

Notes from Ritual: A Guide to Life, Love, and Inspiration by Emma Restall Orr

* In our busy modern schedules, rituals are often seriously lacking.  Yet, they can bring richness and meaning to our daily habits.

* We can use rituals to bring the sacred into everyday life.

* A walk through the park or lighting a candle to welcome the day allows us to reconnect with each other and our own psych.

* In an era when many of us live far from our families and most people don’t know their neighbors, rituals offer a feeling of community and belonging.

* Rituals enrich our sense of who we are both individually and collectively. 

* Rituals can be easily adapted to suit any event or occasions and fit within any reader’s own spiritual tradition. 

 * Rituals can be devised to celebrate a marriage, welcome and name a child, deal with grief, deepen our creativity, heighten our sexuality, enhance our mealtimes, and energize our lives throughout the life cycle.

The Breathing Space Institute Platform

Here are the five pillars of the Breathing Space Institute Platform

Population
        Replacement-level human population is the practical and ethical approach to ensuring a sustainable quality of life on this planet – for human beings and other remaining species. Responsible parenting is the most important element of society.

Information
        As producers of information, each of us needs to control the amount of data we offer to others so as to not inundate or overwhelm them. As consumers of information, we need to be discriminating about what we ingest and realize the counterproductive impact of taking in more information than we can reasonably assimilate.

Media Growth
        The need for responsible reporting has never been more critical. Tabloid and innuendo journalism is tearing at the fabric of our society. Media professionals and their audiences must overcome the prevailing  predisposition of focusing attention on 1) disasters, 2) scandals, 3) personal attacks, and 4) news that fails to convey a balanced view of society. 

Too Much Paper
        Paper still remains the medium by which most information in our society is distributed. Each of us faces the challenge of adopting new measures to limit the amount of paper on our desks. Such measures include more selectively targeting message recipients, limiting the length and frequency of messages, and recycling.

An Over-abundance of Choices
        No one benefits by being confronted with more choices than he/she can sensibly consider. As producers, we need to offer appropriate choices that best serve consumers. As consumers, we need to ignore many of the choices confronting us.

Have Some Breathing Space

What would it be like to be beamed back to 1820 with an iPod in your hand? No one would know anything about these devices. You might be deemed a sorcerer or witch. Today, we know that much of what we do not understand or cannot see exists, i.e., ultrasonic waves, television remote control, smart phones, CAT scans, and black holes to name a few of thousands of examples.

Suppose you were beamed to the year 2030 and told that you could handle all of the information confronting you, never need to feel behind, and feel the clock slowing down. What's more, suppose you were told there was no reason to have headaches, or that you could approach nearly everything in your career with grace and ease, because it was possible now. Would this be sorcery? Not really, because each of these capabilities are possible today.

While no one lives a life of complete Breathing Space, there are some among us who recognize the limits of our days, weeks, years, careers, and lives, versus the infinity of that which competes for our time and attention. Even in tough situations, if you have a vivid portrayal of what you face, you can map out an approach that will bring you to higher ground.

During the darkest days of World War II, when London endured the Blitz (fire-bombing) and many citizens feared they would become slaves to the brutal Third Reich, Winston Churchill assessed this ultimate challenge, and concluded what he had to do to be triumphant (drag the Americans into the war). He then proceeded to do precisely that.

None of the Breathing Space concerns that you face in your career or your life are insurmountable, although they might be annoying and relentless. To have Breathing Space in your life requires regularly practicing Breathing Space principles. You wouldn't take a bath once a week whether you needed it or not; you clean yourself often. The same is true with having Breathing Space. 

Smartphones and Anxiety

Students who frequently use cell phones fare poorly: For the population studied at Kent State University, high frequency cell phone users tended to have lower GPAs, higher anxiety, and lower satisfaction with life (happiness) relative to their peers who used phones less often!

Hoarding Is Hazardous

The New York Times (2013): "An estimated 3 percent to 5 percent of Americans suffer from hoarding, which was officially recognized as a disorder this month in a psychiatric diagnostic manual. But the impact of hoarding extends beyond the afflicted individual and relatives in the home: the behavior can also put immediate neighbors at risk, by creating perfect conditions for explosive house fires and infestations of vermin and disease."
"Across the country, local officials... have begun grappling with hoarding as a serious public health hazard. More than 85 communities -- from San Jose, California, to Wichita, Kansas, to Portland, Maine -- have established task forces, hoping to stave off catastrophes and help hoarders turn their lives around."