Kevin Lucia's Blog, page 39

Still searching for my voice....

Was reading this in Ray Bradbury's biography THE BRADBURY CHRONICLES, in regards to his earliest efforts: 

He imitated rather than trying to develop his own voice, spending his time copying Conan O'Doyle's SHERLOCK HOLMES, P. G. Wodehouse's JEEVES and Edgar Allen Poe's work. 

"Imitation is fine for awhile, but then you've got to move on and take a chance on something that's really you," Bradbury said.

I feel like this is still ME. I started off here in the horror genre, I love horror and what it has to offer, but in the past two years I've felt more and more that a lot of my efforts - though I'm proud of them - are simply imitations of "horror stories." 

The door was cracked a little when I discovered Charlie Grant and really started reading Ramsey Campbell, and in the past two years, diving into the Twilight Zone with my students, stuffing myself full of Bradbury and reading Dean Koontz's biography (and now Ray's) I feel like I want to reach...higher. 

I will always be a spec fic writer. I love the strange and bizarre and eerie and mysterious. It's how I'm wired. But I'm also deeply nostalgic and sentimental, idealistic and hopeful. BUT, I also believe there are things we'll never understand, tragedies and disasters that will never have explanations here on this earth, and life is filled with equal parts sadness and joy, nightmares and dreams, victories and failures.

I know one thing. I need to try harder to take chances on something that's really me.

But what if me...ISN'T horror? Or "horror" as people think of it?

We shall see...

Dandelions Blowing In the Wind, And Other Mundane Revelations of No Large Import

With summer coming,  as always I'll try to amp up my blogging frequency. I blog at least once a week over the school year, but over the summer I try to blog several times a week. Wish I could blog that much during the school year, but a lot of times it just isn't possible. 

Part of the issue, of course, is I have no idea  how many people actually READ this blog.  I try and disregard the stats, (because I don't want to get caught up in those sorts of things), so if I were to judge on comments alone, I'd say not many people ever stop by here. 



But I also know that's not necessarily true, just by the random comments I get from people over email or in person that go: "Hey, that was a nice blog you posted last week..." So I think a decent number of folks follow and read, they just don't comment much.

See, I've never  really been down with the idea of crafting these nifty little blogs with questions at the end specifically designed to stimulate readers into posting their opinions and comments. I don't know why. Some people are masters at this. I know folks who, by the strength of their topics alone, sometimes garner over hundreds of comments.

I just don't have it in me to do that. If I'm going to take the time to blog, it's going to be about stuff that matters to me, stuff I'm interested in, of course news about my writing, thoughts and plans  about the future, my concerns and fears and doubts, or ideas I'm threshing out or wrestling with. If people find that interesting, awesome.  I still don't think anyone has made ANY hard connection between sales and the types of things folks blog about.

BUT, in this new publishing age, a regular, consistently active presence on the 'Net  is important, and I'm more likely to be active if I blog about  stuff I'M interested in. If other folks want to come along for the ride, fabulous.

So, let's talk about dandelions.

Friday, Richard Wright posted a blog in his continuing series on making the freelance leap to writing full-time. In it, he clarified reasons for The 52, a short story project he's embarking on. He referenced the below speech by Neil Gaiman (which is awesome), about the necessity of writers/artists being dandelions, doing something - anything - to spread the seeds of their art over as wide a canvas as possible:



Basically, Neil Gaiman's point: the publishing industry is radically changing. And honestly, no one knows where it's going to end up. In such an industry, the best thing to do is....

Something.

Something interactive. Something fun. Something imaginative, something engaging, inspiring, something dear to your heart. It's important to make stuff. Make art. Make opportunities. Try everything, fail, and try something else. Print, digital, both, one or the either, traditional publishing, self publishing....Neil's advice is to, basically....

Try it all.

November 2013 will see the release of my first short story collection, Things Slip Through, through a traditional small press. I have a novel I'll be pitching to mid-list publishers soon. I have novellas at several other small presses, and the final installment of my serial novella, "And I Watered It, In Tears" will be featuring in the epub Lamplight Magazine, to be published in its entirety in their print Volume One at the end of the summer. I read submissions for a big horror magazine, and I have an ongoing podcast called Horror 101, (like the Facebook Page), studying the development of the horror genre at Tales to Terrify, the solo episodes of which I've been slowly posting to my YouTube Channel. 

I'm no Neil Gaiman, but hopefully, I'm blowing some seeds into the wind. Where they'll land I have no idea, or if they'll take root, or just get drowned out by all the other voices, but the more I can use the internet to  spread these seeds, the better, because what is becoming a greater and greater financial reality (especially as my wife prepares to finish her nursing degree), is that I won't be attending many Conventions in the future. 

But this is a new age, one that certainly hasn't made conventions obsolete...but maybe not as necessary as before. I reference self-publishing, FULL TIME WRITER Robert Swartwood. I'm not sure how many Cons he attends, or if he attends them at all. What I DO know is that he's turned self-publishing into a full-time gig, he's busy writing, and getting one of his novels, The Serial Killer's Wife, on the USA TODAY's Bestseller list.

So I've been tinkering and thinking for several months about doing something...different. I've made a Facebook page for the short story collection, and I'm grappling with how to utilize that. I haven't sent invitations and probably won't until the collection's release is imminent. 

But I want to USE the page for something. I don't want it just to offer another avenue for pimping my work, although pimping will go on, as a necessity. BUT, I want to OFFER something to those who 'Like' the page, something that my average Facebook friend won't get. There needs to be a REASON, a BENEFIT to Liking the page.

So I'm tinkering with something called The Shelf. It'll be a little like Richard Wright's "The 52." And I hope that not only will it spread my "seeds" but that it will also engage folks in a unique, communal story-telling experience. We'll see. If you want to know what's on The Shelf  please "Like" the page.

In closing, talented author and blogger Mike Duran posted a blog recently musing about why we keep at it, what our reasons are for slugging it out, day after day, in this thing called "writing." I used to have a lot of "high-falutin" ideas about why I write, why I spend so much time at this. In the last two years, however, I've tossed a lot of those, refining it down to one simple thing: I really like writing.

I really like making stuff up.

And I want to have fun doing it.

Of course I want to advance my "career," conquer larger markets, move up the ladder. But once it stops becoming something I HUNGER to do every day...what's the point?

So, The Shelf.  Maybe it'll blow a lot of dandelion seeds that will spread and take root. Maybe not. Maybe it'll just be a learning experience, a kind of wistful failure.

BUT, I'm hoping to have fun with it.

And I hope you will too.

A Clarification of Sorts On Writing Full Time

Recently, I posted this FB status update:

"Y'know, after all this time, I sometimes still have a hard time accepting that all I'll ever be is a part time writer. But (and only locals will get this) Chuck Akulis and Mike Colsten were part-time race car drivers, and it's not like they didn't go for the win, every single time they took to the track. They just worked a day job, is all. And I suppose it's the same for me whenever I write. And I'm okay with that."

..and I think in retrospect I didn't quite convey the revelation I wanted to share, so I thought a clarification was in order.
In no means am I despairing of a "full time writing career" or giving up my goals of moving up the ranks, conquering new markets and aiming for mid-list publication and higher.  I'm still thinking very hard about what I want to do next in my "career," thinking very heavily about which markets I'd like to submit to and I've got several standards in place because of that. 
For example, I think the small press is a viable market for short stories, novellas, and collections. I won't, however, submit a novel to a small press. In fact, at this point I'd rather invest time and finances self-publishing a novel than send it to a small press, (unless said small press is Cemetery Dance, Thunderstorm, Dark Fuse or other top-flight small presses), because I just don't think it's a good business decision.
Also, I don't plan on passing up on decently paying venues. Honestly, I need to make more happen in regards to this, especially with short stories, hence my recent experiment to force myself to type my first drafts from now on and my goal to write one short story a week this summer.
But the realities of my life are this: full-time writing simply isn't a possibility right now and won't be in the foreseeable future for several very solid, real-world reasons:
1. our finances are in a tatters and we're on a strict budget and NOT full-time writer friendly
2. Abby will soon be returning to school to finish her Nursing degree and will need my increased support at home
3. I have two children, 8 and 6, my son being special needs (autistic) and even though developing fabulously, he still requires A LOT of attention
4. See #1: I'm not in the position to turn self-publishing into a viable venue or travel to many Cons
5. I'm still building a readership and trying to make contacts and my way in the industry
Now, some of these above things will just need time to sort out, especially 1, 2, 4.  Number 5 will hopefully happen on its own and I hope the increased writing pace will help that. Number 3 will improve also...but Zack's future is still unclear. He may become totally independent someday. He may not. That's still up in the air.
And really, a lot of Number 5 is up in the air also. I know plenty of fine writers who never achieved the readership they hoped for, despite doing all the "right" things, and there are many "right" things that should be done...that may or may NOT result in a readership.
So the best I can do is write every single day, continue to watch the market carefully, make smart choices and keep my aims high. And let's be honest, even if I become massively fortunate I'll probably never SOLELY write for our income. Though someday I'd like to move on from Seton, I love teaching too much to ever stop doing it completely, so I imagine - unless I get too burned out - I'll always hold some sort of teaching job. Ironically, one of the teaching jobs I REALLY covet  - in Seton Hill's Popular Fiction Program - requires a certain level of commercial success, so that's doubly important to me.

But right now and in the foreseeable future full-time writing simply isn't a viable goal, especially with what full-time writing means for most: juggling multiple projects at once to make enough money, meeting multiple deadlines and producing lots of content very quickly. 

And because of that I experience a lot of "writer guilt/insecurity" in which I often think of myself as somehow "less" than those who have achieved full-time status or who are almost there, accusing myself - most times subconsciously - of not working as hard as other writers.

My grandfather raced stock cars as a hobbyist on the weekends for the sheer enjoyment of it. Because of that, my father grew up at Five Mile Point Speedway watching his dad race, and I in turn grew up watching the races every Saturday night with my Dad and Grandfather. Memories of those times generated my FB post about those two local race car drivers, because I realized that my status as a writer - full-time or part-time - doesn't say anything about my EFFORT or my TALENT, just my time commitment at the moment. 

Mike Colstin and Chuck Akulis began racing back in the late sixties and their careers extended all the way into the new millennium.  Though they only raced part-time and held down full-time jobs on the side, they competed against and regularly beat full-time drivers like Jack Johnson and Brett Hearn. Their status as "part-time drivers" had NOTHING to do with their effort or skill. They were just as good as the full-time drivers they competed against. Their time commitment was different, as was their travel. 





And all that meant for me was a very personal revelation that, like those two guys, my being a part-time writer has nothing to do with how hard I'm working (as for talent, well, the jury is still out on that for me, anyway). I get up every morning in the wee hours to write every day. I write during my lunch. And now, with the increased typing, I've been writing during my daughter's swim practices and pretty much whenever I can. 

But because of circumstances I can't control or change at the moment, I'm a "part-time" writer (and there's still that whole talent issue). However, I work as hard as anyone else.

So that Facebook post was simply my way of dealing with NOW, because to hopefully someday become full-time I have to SURVIVE now, and coming to grips with and accepting my current "station in life" is the only way I'll ever do that.

At a recent NECON, Jack Ketchum said on a panel: "If you stick around long enough and you're good enough, someone will eventually notice you." The first part is what I can control. I plan on sticking around. Whether or not anyone notices I can't control, but to keep writing TODAY so I can stick around, I have to let go of that last part, and just be thankful for the words themselves. 

Continued Reflections on Editing the Collection: Revering Our Heroes Too Much; Or, Trying to Be Not Me

I'm home sick with sinus-junk, so what better to do than blog? Especially as I'm applying another round of edits to the forthcoming collection, I've had some revelations concerning the development of my own voice and style, and how I'm guilty of, once again, trying too hard to imitate one of my favorite writers, trying to incorporate their style into my own,  instead of letting my OWN voice find a style and express itself.

So, if you follow this blog even a little, you may have read one of my recent posts, in which I was faced with the humbling realization that the collection needed some more work, especially in tightening my prose in a few places. In particular, I've noticed two things as I've gone through another round of line-edits:


1. I sometimes use WAY TOO MANY character attributions:

EX: John smiled, nodded, raised an eyebrow and scratched his chin while shrugging his shoulders, saying, "Yeah, that does sound weird."

2. I've once again committed the sin of being so taken by one of my favorite authors, I've been trying to copy and imitate his style and incorporate it into my own. 

I've gone through this phase several times already - copying Stephen King, H. P. Lovecraft and Ray Bradbury. This time, it was the late great Charles L. Grant I was trying to imitate. 

And in some ways, it makes sense. Discovering Grant's brand of "quiet horror"  was a revelation. I fell in love with his prose and the way he built tension and suspense and his delicate lyricism. One thing in particular he did with meticulous precision was build tension through interjections or one-line fragments. Trying too hard to do that in my own work, as well as forcing my lyricism, is what I'm guilty of this time.

Now, to be fair: as I progressed further through the collection's edits, I noticed some of the older pieces - stories that have been edited countless times already - didn't require much changing. Not only had I apparently already fixed these errors, but some of those stories were written BEFORE I discovered Grant's work, so they didn't feature my faux attempts at imitating his style with the tension-building-fragments.

Of course, forcing lyricism (or, maybe simply overindulging and overwriting), remained a consistent issue. This has always been a particular quirk of mine, and believe it or not, I've gotten a lot better at avoiding this.  However, as I continued to edit, I started thinking about WHY I didn't seem to struggle with this as much in my final edits of Hiram Grange and the Chosen One , and I realized several things:

1. I honestly went through MANY more edits with Hiram Grange...it just doesn't feel like it, because Hiram was one continuous story-line straight through. It feels like I've edited the collection endlessly...but I HAVEN'T, really. The publisher only proposed a short story collection this past September. I assembled the short stories, wrote the connecting narrative frame, and have been editing all that for only eight months (in between a few other projects). 

Because of how long the Hiram project took to gestate, I spent TWO YEARS writing and editing that, over and over. I really HAVEN'T edited the collection as much as I think I have, it just FEELS like I have because I've read through 1o different stories - stories I've read before - and the collection's connecting frame. 

But the frame is brand new, and still needs lots of editing, and in some cases, several of these stories were flat out re-written, so now THEY need fresh editing, being essentially fresh pieces themselves. All of which makes me feel very relieved that I proposed a November 2013 release, giving me plenty of time to give this collection the attention it deserves. 

2. Hiram Grange was a pulp-adventure, work-for-hire gig. The collection is personal and about LIFE. Now, this sounds pompous, so let me explain. I'm in no way ashamed of Hiram Grange. It was a lot of fun to write, I'm proud of the work I did on it, and you should go buy it right now. 

But I understood my goal: even though I still wanted my prose to be clean and flowing, it was a pulp story. I knew it needed to be fast, furious, full of action and blood and guts and big explosions. 

Also, much as I loved him, Hiram Grange wasn't MINE. Tim Deal of Shroud graciously let me tell my own story, and I dare say if someone read a stack of unnamed Hiram manuscripts, you'd probably recognize mine from the pile. But he still wasn't mine.

But the collection is mine. Very personal, in some ways. And I think because of that, I'm trying too hard to ASPIRE to something bigger, greater, trying too hard with my language, and forgetting the most important rule for ANY writer: the words must never get in the way.

So that's what I'm really focusing on now, going through these edits. With Hiram Grange, I had one simple goal: not to suck. For it to read well and smoothly. And, from what people have said, I not only achieved that, but told a fun story. With the collection, I need to relax a bit, and just focus once again on NOT SUCKING. The stories and their themes will speak for themselves...and they will speak with more power, I think, if I let THEM do the speaking, and not try to force the language to do the speaking for them.

In his visit with my students several years ago, Dan Keohane said the best thing I've ever heard anyone say about this: that he could tell when he was reading great writing when the words disappeared and he saw only the story in his head, nothing more. So that's my goal: get out of my way own way, and let these stories tell themselves.

Horror 101: Return of the Gothic, New Review for Hiram Grange, "Horror 101 Recommends" and FOR THE NIGHT IS DARK Audio Intro

Another edition of Horror 101: Exploring The Roots of the Horror Genre is up at Tales to Terrify. Our featured books in this month's examination of "the house/gothic" motif is Shirley Jackson's WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE, Rex Jardin's THE DEVIL'S MANSION and Manuel Komroff's ECHO OF EVIL. 
And because I've realized there's absolutely NO WAY I'll ever be able to cover all the books I want, I've begun a new feature of Horror 101, and that's my reading recommendation for each "strand." Basically, each month I'll recommend contemporary works recently published that I think would be worthwhile supplemental reading.  This month's recommendations are THE SORROWS and THE DARKEST LULLABY by Jonathan Janz and Deadite Press' URBAN GOTHIC by Brian Keene.


Also, Lawrence Santoro of  Tales to Terrify recently lent his voice talent for an audio intro to FOR THE NIGHT IS DARK, the Crystal Lake Publishing anthology featuring my story "On A Midnight Black Chessie." His voice is horror-gold, so take a listen below:

Finally, there's a new review for Hiram Grange and the Chosen One , and I particularly like this part: 

"Kevin Lucia’s The Chosen One was a personal favorite as we meet Queen Mab of Irish legend. Lucia does an excellent job of giving the ancient myth a new, very dark twist."

GAME DAY; or, Why It's Important For Writers to Do Something Besides Writing

So today I get to relive a part of the high school experience and play with fellow high school alumni in the 4th Annual Dolores Evans Alumni Basketball Tournament. None of the players on my team actually played with ME because they're all several years younger than I, but they were all junior high players when I was a senior, so it's cool to play with the guys who may (or may not have) looked up to me when they were younger. 

In any case, it promises a good time. I've gotten back into decent shape, we have a solid team, we're guaranteed at least three games, and not only will I play with guys from my high school, I'll be able to reconnect with lots of players I played against in high school. 



Because ironically enough, basketball in our area is like the horror writing community - it's a community, a fraternity in which pretty much everyone knows everyone else, and it's always a pleasure to run into and play with guys we knew "back in the day."

Also, I've found that after all these years, basketball is once again playing a very important part in my life. See, I thought about four years ago that my basketball days were over. Not because I was too old or out of shape or couldn't play anymore, but I was just too busy writing, had too many deadlines, too many projects I wanted to turn my attention to, and I just couldn't take the time to play basketball once or twice or week.

Other things played a factor, of course - parenthood, graduate studies, an increasing workload at school - but still, I believed that I'd reached a crucial juncture in my life. While growing up, writing was a hobby, a secret pastime, something I doodled in a notebook now and then, and basketball was the focus of all my free time. Now, writing was my focus and my time on the court had come to an end. After four years of high school and four years of college basketball and then almost thirteen years of recreational basketball, it was time to hang up the sneakers.

BUT, I discovered two things that pulled me back into the game. One, it's MUCH harder to keep in shape when I'm not playing basketball. I lifted weights and tried to run regularly to replace basketball, but found I couldn't sustain a regular commitment to running. For me, basketball once a week still proved to be the best way to stay in shape.

Maybe more importantly, however, I realized that I needed SOMETHING to distract me from writing occasionally. In other words, I needed a regular hobby to give me a break from my...hobby. Now, I'm still in the "toddler" stages of a "writing career" - if I can even call it a career. But even so, writing every single day for two hours, then writing during my lunch at school, then writing before bed, attending conventions whenever I can afford to, reading submissions as a slush reader....

I need a break. 

I need something NOT writing to help me continue  WRITING, to help me recharge and push forward.

Also, within any community there's always lots of a drama. And it's fair to say, the horror community is no exception. And we writers are quirky folks. Antisocial, withdrawn, introverted with limited conversational inclinations outside our skill set (or maybe that's just me), and because of that, we tend to gravitate towards folks like us - other writers. I'm no exception. And it's only natural - a writing career is something I've literally dreamed of my whole life. Attending Cons, enjoying fellowship with my peers, hanging on every word of the statesmen of the genre is not only a dream come true....

It's addicting. The temptation to dive right in and flee "normal life" entirely is overwhelming. These are writers - horror and spec fic writers - and, in a way, they understand you in ways that other folks DON'T, and never can. So there's an increasing urge to only hang out with writers, only talk with writers, to let yourself get swallowed whole by the beast...all too willingly. 

In fact, I've come to believe it's a good thing that we have no Cons close to me, and that some of my best writing friends are nearly three + hours away....because if they lived closer to me, the temptation to chuck everything and everyone else and just hang with them would be nearly irresistible.

I've seen a lot happen in the horror genre the past few years, a lot of drama that's caused a lot people I respect and admire a lot of pain. And none of that stuff comes attached to writing ITSELF. In fact, author Matthew Warner recently posted a great blog about the necessity of writing AND living a normal, healthy life, and I totally agree. 

It's that same concept, actually, that's led me back to basketball...because I need it, my life needs it, and, ironically, my WRITING needs it. I need something NORMAL to do, something that isn't writing, for my writing to be the best it can be.

I hope I'm not being melodramatic. I mean, let's face facts: I'm not a full-time writer facing mounds of stressful deadlines, I'm not making my living by writing, and most of my deadlines are still self-imposed. I don't exactly have publishers knocking down my door. I could "quit" writing tomorrow (yeah, right. Like that'll happen) and it wouldn't impact our finances one iota.

But I believe that, for writing to have any hope of becoming something BIGGER in my life, I need basketball to occasionally distract myself from it, to force myself to actually go out among OTHER PEOPLE, to socialize occasionally, and break free from the hermitage down in my basement office.  

And ironically, I think that makes me a healthier writer, which in turn I believe will help my productivity, and my "career" - if indeed I will have one - down the road.

Besides.

I still have a pretty sweet "J" from the wing....

Re-learning Old Lessons: On Staying Humble And Open to Critique

I'm moving through another round of edits on the upcoming collection, and keeping in the spirit of being open and honest on this blog, I've gotta admit...

I'm kinda eating humble pie, at the moment.

I'll briefly set the scene for you. I've done okay the last few years. Sold a few stories, wrote a novella I think is pretty good (and it actually earned a few Stoker Recs), met a lot of people, worked hard and honed my craft, especially in two consecutive trips to Borderlands Press Writers Bootcamp, donned an editor's cap, sold a story to a collection featuring Bentley Little, (forthcoming), and I'm working as a slush reader for one of the biggest horror magazines around.


So I've arrived, right? I'm "here."  I have a collection coming out featuring some seriously awesome cover art, and all the beta readers have made honest recommendations but have been pretty positive in their feedback. I'm finally here.

But then, something happened.

In an honest effort to make sure as many eyes as possible picked over this thing, I stepped outside the genre circle and offered the collection to one of my colleagues, a fellow English teacher, and asked her to look it over for me.  I met with her yesterday because she wanted to discuss her edits, and....

Hoo-BOY.

I'm not sure what I expected. Shamefully, I almost wonder if part of me was trying to "WOW" a fellow English teacher, kind of a childish "Lookit what I did!"  In any case, after setting me up gently, complimenting the strength of the stories themselves and my dialogue and characterization and imagery, she got right down to the nitty-gritty, and addressed my craft. A lot of it she really liked.

But, as usual...I overwrite. I "explain" too much. Even more troubling, I've been copying traits from some of my favorites writers, and it's painfully clear that I'm doing it WRONG, and it's not my style, not my voice.

Her words? She really liked it, and can't wait to read the final draft. But she felt that in some places my handle of the craft was "too loose and wordy" and needed some tightening, though she also conceded that many of her suggestions were opinions, too. 

I'm not gonna lie. Internally, I had a hard time with it, at first. Because I've MADE it, right? I'm HERE. How is this non-genre, non-writer person gonna critique ME? Especially with as much work as I've put into this collection already?

Even worse, I think I was almost on the verge of making the worst excuse ever: "Well, these are GENRE stories. Maybe you just don't get what I'm doing."

Thank GOODNESS I didn't go there.

What's most frustrating is that I've of course "heard" all these critiques before. And, I also need to keep in mind that this collection is SO much more difficult to edit than, say, one short story, or Hiram Grange. It's a collection of 10 short stories spanning the last five years and several different stages of my development, one of them previously unpublished, woven together with an exterior framing narrative. 

But even so, it was a serious gut-check. This collection is good, I feel it. Maybe even really good. But I want it to be great, or at least a stab at great. And this colleague of mine called attention to some things that my colleague feels will make the collection great.

So, once more do I go, into the pale, to wrestle my words, kill my darlings, and strain imperfections out of my craft, trying to get to the purest essence of writing. I don't know if I'll get there, but I'm even more determined - maybe with a renewed vigor - to make sure nothing leaves my hands until I've done EVERYTHING HUMANELY POSSIBLE to make it the best I possibly can.

Author Weston Ochse shared today on Brian Keene's blog his belief in the necessity of multiple editors and pre-readers. And brother, let me tell you...he's got a believer in me...

Horror 101: Exploring the Roots of the Horror Genre - The Plan Forward

* - already read
Note: This is my intended "final" list for "the house" motif in Horror 101 for Tales To Terrify . I may have to shorten this list, or I may eliminate some books if it turns out that themes and tales are simply becoming a little repetitive, or I may have to remix, combine, or perhaps cook up more than Horror 101 episode over the summer, because this is DEFINITELY turning into a life's work. Also, many of these books I've already read in the course of my own personal pursuits. 
Evolution of the Gothic Tale:
We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson *The Devil's Mansion, by Rex Jardin *
Emergence of YA Horror Houses and YA Gothic:
The Witch of Blackbird Pond, by Elizabeth George Speare *Blackbriar, by William Sleator *The House With a Clock in Its Walls, by John Bellairs *
Suburban Horror Homes:
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, by Laird KoenigThe House Next Door, by Anne Rivers Siddons
Suburban Horror Homes II - Reality Blurred to Fiction:
The Amityville Horror: A True Story, by Jay Anson
This Apartment is Cursed!
The Curse, by Charles L. GrantThe Brownstone, by Ken Eulo
This Apartment is Unholy!
Rosemary's Baby, by Ira LevinThe Sentinel, by Jeffery Konvitz
Haunted Towers, Hotels and Estates
The Shining, by Stephen King *Burnt Offerings, by Robert MarascoThe Watchhouse, by Robert Westall
Horror Houses: 1980
The Rosedale Horror, by Jon RuddyThe Cellar, by Richard Layman
Haunted Houses - It's Alive! Redux
Usher's Passing, by Robert McCammon *The Tea Party, by Charles L. Grant *"As We Promise, Side by Side" by Charles L. Grant, from Dialing the Wind *
Horror Houses: Mid-1980's:
The Manse, by Lisa W. CantrellThe Longest Night, by J. N. Williamson *
Homes With Many Rooms
Shadowlands, by Peter Straub *Wildwood, by John Farris *
Horror Houses: 1990
House Haunted, by Al Sarrantonio Blake House, by Adrian Savage
Horror Houses and Psychic Investigators
Hell House, by Richard MathesonThe Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red, by Stephen King
Another Haunted Hotel; A Different Kind of Gothic
California Gothic, by Dennis EtchisonThe Seaharp Hotel, edited by Charles L. Grant *
The House that Looms Over Us
The Collected Blackstone Chronicles, by John Saul
Horror Houses: 2000
A Winter Haunting, by Dan Simmons *A Choir of Ill Children, by Tom Piccirilli *The Tower, by Simon Clark
Harrow House - Douglas Clegg
Nightmare HouseThe InfiniteMischief
The "Modern Gothic"
Her Fearful Symmetry, by Audrey NiffenegerHouse of Leaves, by Mark Z. Danielewski
Horror Houses: Genre Blending
Charlotte Markham and the House of Darkling, by Michael Boccacino *77 Shadow Street, by Dean Koontz *
"The House" in Short Fiction
Haunted Houses: The Greatest Stories, edited by Martin Greenberg

Light it Up Blue: Autism Speaks; Or, Our Life With Autism

Each April 2, Autism Speaks celebrates Light It Up Blue along with the international autism community, in commemoration of the UN-sanctioned World Autism Awareness Day. Light It Up Blue is a unique global initiative that kicks-off Autism Awareness Month and helps raise awareness about autism. In honor of this historic day, many iconic landmarks, hotels, sporting venues, concert halls, museums, bridges and retail stores are among the hundreds of thousands of homes and communities that take part to Light It Up Blue.

(From the Light It Up Blue website)

For those of you whom I've only gotten to know recently...my six year old Zack has autism. It is a real condition. It is not an imaginary diagnosis, a product of poor parenting and lack discipline, and it is not the result of letting your kid watch too much television. It is terribly real,  systematically life-altering, and chances are, unless you know someone autistic, have worked with autistic children or have a child with autism, you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, simply because that's the nature of the thing. If you're not in the belly of the beast, so to speak, you simply can't understand.

I'm not going to recount our entire journey. Instead, here's a list of the blog entries I've written over the years detailing our experiences. If you'd like to read, go right ahead. My very first post about this is here.  In short (and that's a relative term, here):

Just about four years ago, Zack was diagnosed with severe autism. We were at our wits end. He couldn't speak. He only screamed, whined or cried. He didn't know how to "play." Would only fiddle with toys for a second or two, then toss them over his shoulder. So, he never found satisfaction in anything he did. In many ways - and this will sound cruel, but here it is - he didn't act like a human child. He was a screaming, crying, insensate robot that couldn't make his needs known.

The diagnosis was hard to take, more so for Abby than me. I'd worked with autistic children extensively in college (more proof to me that God knows what He's doing). For Abby, the diagnosis with a strange, frightening black door into the dread unknown. What would this mean? 

Again, it sounds terrible: but I think on a very basic level, all parents want their kids to enjoy "normal," healthy lives. Debate the old "What does it mean to be normal" thing all you want. Parents of autistic children will understand this when I say: the moment we received Zack's diagnosis, we realized our definition of "normal" had radically changed.

And we were scared.

People say lots of wonderful, fluffy things about special needs children, and how they are "gifts" to be cherished, and how they're "wonderful in their own way." And they are. But only a special needs parent also understands - very painfully - the steep cost that comes with this gift.

For example - almost immediately following his diagnosis, Zack was fortunate enough to gain entrance into an early intervention program at Binghamton University called the Children's Institute. Anyone in "the life" can tell you that early intervention is SO very important, and makes all the difference in the world. I truly, truly believe that gaining entrance into such a program - one that usually has a waiting list months long - right after Zack's diagnosis was an act of divine intervention.  And I can also tell you, four years later, what an IMMENSE difference it has made. Zack has taken gigantic strides, and it's been because of that school.

But the cost?

Zack was a two year old boy. And Abby, like every mom, was expecting to have him to herself for a few years  before school. And suddenly we're putting our two year old on a SCHOOL BUS in a car seat and sending him to school five days a week, seven hours a day with no nap, all year round.  

Make no mistake. This program has meant the world to Zack and us. He's been downgraded to moderately autistic and some days he seems just a bit overactive, maybe a little childish, and that's it. But for the past four years, he's attended school year-round, with no summer break. And that's been hard to accept, it really has - while at the same time an immense relief, which, of course, produces a fair amount of guilty-parent feelings.

And there have been other struggles. Our house needs to be very regimented and orderly. We need a precise schedule, at home and on the road. Zack is not allowed to watch or do certain things (video games, certain television shows) because of the adverse effect they have on his behavior. We're always constantly second guessing ourselves as parents - are we managing Zack's autistic behavior, or disciplining his NORMAL "I'm a boy and I'm crazy" behavior? 

Zack verbally "stims." Which means he sometimes descends into a world of chirps, clicks, hoots, and cries. It's repetitive, and can repress his personality entirely. Hearing him once, it probably sounds cute. Imagine hearing nothing but that from your child for HOURS. It can be maddening, and also very depressing.

Depending on the day, he'll also often leap up, twirl in place, run his fingers in front of his face, and spin in a circle. It all depends what he's seen on television or a video game, and what he's trying to imitate. And again, it probably looks "cute." Like he's just an active boy. But exposed to it long enough, and you begin thinking of him as a human marionette, whose strings are being jerked by a mindless, repetitive master.

For many years, our social lives were nil. We couldn't travel with Zack. Family gatherings for holidays were nightmares. I had to politely decline invitations to visit from writer friends out of state, because I knew bringing the family would be...well, hell. The whole family WAS able to attend AnthoCon 2012 this year, and that was a major success. We'll be returning again next year.  But it was a first.

And of course, there's the way strangers look at him. Especially because he's tall for his age. And, unlike other special needs, autism generally leaves you looking normal. So when he acts out, the assumption is that he's a bad kid, one undisciplined by his parents.

We've come a long way. Life - such as it is - has risen to levels of "normalcy" unheard of when Zack was first diagnosed. His vocabulary, now, is often outstanding. Academically, he sometimes outpaces his instructors, forcing them to keep up. He can read  and his memory is nearly perfect. He has a thing for numbers, and is mechanically inclined. Over the last year or so, his interactivity has increased dramatically. He initiates meaningful conversation, now. Now, he likes to draw and color. He and his sister play wonderfully now - REALLY play, like "normal." And just yesterday morning, he started dressing himself.

And it must be said, we're blessed. There's great hope that Zack will develop and adjust and enjoy a productive, meaningful life. So many never will. I've worked with the worst ones, those forever trapped inside, able to master UNFATHOMABLE feats of mechanical memory, but never able to communicate with the outside world. Zack will never be that bad off. Our experience is a walk in the park, in comparison.

But uncertainty still lies ahead. I haven't blogged much about Zack lately, simply because we've hit such calm waters for the last year or so. BUT, we're approaching new milestones, because soon we'll begin the discussion of integrating him into the public school system. I imagine I'll have LOTS to blog about, soon. 

And, scary to say - even though Zack is doing well, the future will always be more uncertain for him. Puberty is reportedly very hard on those with autism. My father's close friend has a thirty year old autistic son. He's bright, witty, social conversant...and a genius. Has literally memorized the Bible. But because of the social anxiety his autism causes (he can't abide by even the simplest changes in his schedule) and his seizures he will never live on his own, or hold down a job. Will that be Zack's future?

Of course, no one knows the future. So we focus on NOW, and every little step Zack has taken, constantly focusing on how far we've come. And most days, that's more than enough to get us through. 

An interesting final note: two years ago, we bought blue lights for our porch, to participate in Light it Up Blue. I meant to take them down and never did. My excuse then was that they looked cool.

Now, in retrospect, it's incredibly important. For those who don't have a loved one suffering from autism, Light it Up Blue happens once a year, and Autism Awareness Month happens one month in the year. For those like us?

Autism Awareness happens every day.

Visit Light it Up Blue, see how you can be a part of things. Local folks, support non-profit organizations like The Magic Paintbrush, which does so much to service this and other special needs populations.

ON A MIDNIGHT BLACK CHESSIE and Using YouTube For More Than Watching Robot Chicken Episodes

First up, For the Night is Dark, featuring my story ON A MIDNIGHT BLACK CHESSIE went live today on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. I'm especially happy with this story for two reasons: 1. I've wanted to write a story involving model railroading for about a year, and made several abortive attempts until I finally got it right this past summer; 2. This story marks what I HOPE is a significant development in my short prose. 

See, I have a feeling my novels will always be a bit like Hiram Grange & The Chosen One : loud, noisy, brash action-filled fun with some substance behind them (with the exception of a coming-of-age story I want to write, tentatively titled When We Were Young). However, ever since discovering Charles Grant, T. M. Wright and Ramsey Campbell, while watching Norman Prentiss' career blossom, I've yearned to take my short fiction along more meaningful, quieter avenues. ON A MIDNIGHT CHESSIE is an attempt to do that, along with another short story, ALMOST HOME, which is due out soon in Horror Library, Volume Five.

Here's the synopsis and TOC:

The Dark is coming! Call your friends over. You don't want to go through this alone.

You will be taken back into the past, down to the depths of the ocean and across the borderline between our world and the next. You will see snapshots from the lives of small children, old-time cockney gangsters and aimless stoners. You will journey into the darkest house on the darkest street, wander hospital basements and take a flight in the comfort of first class. You will meet Mr Stix.
This tome includes stories by some of the best horror writers around: G. N. Braun, Carole Johnstone, Armand Rosamilia, Daniel I. Russell, Scott Nicholson, Gary McMahon, Joe Mynhardt, Kevin Lucia, Tracie McBride, Stephen Bacon, Benedict J. Jones, Blaze McRob, John Claude Smith, Tonia Brown, Mark West, Robert W. Walker, Jeremy C. Shipp, Jasper Bark, William Meikle and Ray Cluley.
Also very happy to have my name listed with writers I've read, for a change. That's a switch, a definite step up, for sure.
Secondly, I'm going to start utilizing my YouTube Profile for more than just watching Robot Chickenepisodes (as worthy a pursuit as that is). With permission from Tales to Terrify , I'm slowly going to start posting older episodes of Horror 101 there - just the segments alone. I'll soon be posting reviews of the latest in Samhain Horror there, also.
So if you ever get bored of watching Robot Chicken (and who does, really?), you know where to go....