Amanda Jenkins's Blog, page 6

The Other Side of Summer

I'm sitting at my computer, tired and worn out from a full afternoon with my kids, and wondering how on earth I'm gonna make it through the summer with all of them home every day. All day. I'm feeling guilty because I remember when I used to get excited for school to be done—I couldn't wait to do fun summer things, for my kids to wear cute (often matching) summer clothes, having a wide open schedule, and being together constantly. But now I'm just sort-of overwhelmed by it all—there are so many of them. And I feel even worse when I see all the Facebook updates from better moms than I saying how excited they are for summer to commence. 
Then I look up and see a picture of my mom and me taken when I was three, and I'm feeling better about myself. Because she was amazing and I always felt loved and cared for. And listened to. I didn't even notice her face—that face that’s just holding on till bedtime, when the talking and whining and storytelling and question asking and "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" will cease, and quiet will begin.
I love my kids and sometimes I even love being with them. Other times, exhaustion is written all over my face. I'm normal, and tonight, that's enough for me.

Camera Lies

A new commercial I loathe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Q1sC-LNDc


OK, five things I'm certain of:

Celery is likely Kate's main source of sustenance.

Kate is no more going gray, than I am going not gray.

Babysitting, like, last summer, is the closest Kate has ever come to having children.

Those glasses are not prescription.

If Joe British married Kate fifteen years ago, Dateline NBC didn't do their job.  

The Elle Train

Here's an excerpt from a chapter in my book, Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist. Being a mom of an autistic kiddo has been hard at times, made even harder by my constant pursuit of being the perfect parent. But it's also been one of the primary circumstances God has used to help me know Him and His heart for me--and my precious children--more. 

Happy Friday :). 


Nighttime
For the past six months, Elle hasn’t slept well. She’s had a difficult time falling asleep and often wakes in the middle of the night for hours at a time. At first Dallas and I had no idea what to do. Our parenting experience told us to be tough—to not jump up and go to her every time she cried, which would certainly cause Beanie to develop bad habits. But the waking up and staying up didn’t stop, and as time wore on, I began to feel desperate.

I’ll forever remember the time I went to her room around four in the morning. She’d been awake for two hours (as had I) and was crying. I knelt down next to her bed to plead with her to sleep, as I had many times before. Most nights I would say something like, “Daddy’s sleeping, Maya’s sleeping, Sammy’s sleeping, and now Beanie needs to sleep.” I thought if she understood what was supposed to be happening, she would get on board. But this was my fifth time up, and out of sheer frustration I said, “Beanie, what’s going on?” She looked at me through tears and said, “Mommy, I’m broken."

My heart sank. Turns out she knew exactly what she was supposed to do but couldn’t do it. Her little brain just wouldn’t let her sleep. I curled up next to her, assuring her she wasn’t broken, and we slept together the rest of the night as we have many times since. I’ve come to understand that even when she’s struggling and can’t fall back to sleep, my presence is a comfort to her.

And God wants to do the same for me. I’m going to struggle, and my kids are going to struggle. They will succeed and fail, laugh and cry, win and lose, and at some point experience brokenness. But there’s a light at the end of every tunnel because while there are few things more awful than having to watch my children suffer, God is near. He’s there to guide me as I guide them. He loves my kids, He’s got a plan, and He is good.

Even when it’s dark outside.

He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday. . . .
The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.”
 
Psalm 91:4-6, 14-15

Talking about my book--and my sin--on Chris Fabry's radio program

http://www.moodyradio.org/radioplayer.aspx?episode=111077&hour=1

Camera Lies

Ok, this made my day. These people are awesome, and NOT because they're talented and charismatic, which they are, but because they're uninhibited. They're free to have fun, to be crazy without worrying what other people think, and to throw caution, vanity and insecurity to the wind. They're authentic. No doubt I would've stayed in the car, possibly crouching on the floor. I'm so glad they didn't. I'm so glad they didn't wait to be camera ready.

LOVE. IT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNM0ENUCO5I

Their follow-up appearance on Leno:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8E1DeS_JzM

The Phantom in my Attic and the Mess on my Floor

Eight policemen rushed into my house last Monday night.
But let’s back up.
Earlier in the day I noticed the attic door in the ceiling of my garage was unlocked and askew. Neither my husband nor I had touched it, so my mind immediately went to that early-90s horror movie, The People Under the Stairs.
I quickly went inside to check the second attic door. The two barrel bolt locks were firmly in place and I thought—well, if someone is up there, he’ll have to go back out the way he came.
And I had stuff to do.
I didn’t really think about it again (my brain is accustomed to dramatic wonderings, so I don’t usually take them seriously). That is, until late that night when my husband and I were watching a movie and heard a loud thud. Our four young kids were sleeping, so we hit Pause and waited for the crying of some poor child who’d fallen out of bed.
Nothing.
We pushed Play.
A few minutes later, there it was again. And again. Okay, three thuds is weird. Either some kid is repeatedly banging his head against the wall or…I went upstairs to check the attic door, and my stomach dropped when I saw the locks that had been tightly closed that afternoon were now angled down, ready to slide out of place.
I ran to Dallas and whisper-explained the whole thing, and he agreed—I should call the police while he stood guard with our 357 Magnum.
And here’s the blog-relevant point: While I was on the phone with 911 dispatch, I realized my house was messy. I had spent the day re-organizing, but there were still piles of stuff in the hallway.
So while I’m waiting for the police to arrive and my husband stands watch over our children, I start frantically cleaning and shoving stuff into drawers and closets—because, God forbid that with guns drawn and yelling “THIS IS THE POLICE” into our pitch black attic, the cops notice I left stuff on the floor.
I’m a piece of work.
Long story slightly less long, no one was in my attic. Our guess is that someone tried to gain access through the garage but gave up. The insulation over the door, according to Joe Beefcake Policeman, was almost too heavy for even him to lift. He also said the whipping wind likely knocked a piece of drywall against the attic door, jostling the locks. And the thudding turned out to be my little girl’s pitching net banging against the house with every large gust.
Darn you, confusing acoustics.
Clearly, I’m not completely out of the perfectionist woods. Sigh. Praise God for His patience with me and my often messed up priorities.
And praise God He’s not done fixing me yet.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 1:6

The Elle Train

My big sister (who I adore) has been in town, so I missed my Friday Elle Train where I usually post something my eight year old said or did because she's amazing and autistic and one-of-a-kind and wonderful, and through her eyes the world is mostly rainbows and sunshine.

But today I'm posting about my precious six year old, Max, who we adopted from Thailand almost two years ago. Truth be told, the adoption process has been messy and, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done.  But its also been beautiful and life-changing for the better.

Here's a glimpse of the good stuff...

Max: Our world is so lucky, right mom?

Me: What do you mean?

Max: We have video games in Burger King and toys in Target and money.

Me: Yeah, that's true. But what's the best part of our world, bud?

Max: A family.

LOVE. IT.

Word on the Street

Self-promotion is obnoxious.

That said, some reviews of my book are in! If you like my book, please tell everyone you know :). If you don't, no need be a Chatty Cathy.

http://iblogforbooks.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-review-confessions-of-raging.html
"Amanda Jenkins, author of “Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist:  Learning to Be Free” blew me away...Amanda’s writing style and the subject matter left me feeling like I’d known her for years. I loved reading this book and hope to go through it with a small group to really dig deep into this subject matter. Whether a perfectionist or not, there are some great truths to be gleaned from this book. I would highly recommend this book for all women."

http://heathercking.wordpress.com/what-im-reading/confessions-of-a-raging-perfectionist-book-review/
"...her light-hearted and gut-honest storytelling walk you through authenticity and grace in areas of your life like obedience, vanity, coveting recognition, making plans and then having God change them, and depending on anything other than God to fill us each day...Ultimately, the book is about finding grace.  It’d be an encouragement and challenge for any woman (whether she thinks she’s a perfectionist or not) and even perhaps teen girls."  http://loveofreading1014.blogspot.com/2013/04/confessions-of-raging-perfectionist.html#!/2013/04/confessions-of-raging-perfectionist.html
"I loved this book from the get go...I laughed through this whole book, Amanda has a great writing style that is honest and refreshing. It touches you though because its real: real struggles we can relate to, real life, real honesty. It took guts for Amanda to put it all out there, but God is using her to touch and open up the eyes and hearts of so many others that find themselves in the same spot she was/is in."  http://bethanysbooks.blogspot.com/2013/04/confessions-of-raging-perfectionist.html
"...really good and a worthwhile read." http://grfxbox.com/thb/05-01-2013/confessions-of-a-raging-perfectionist/
"Reading about what she has faced shows me that I’m not alone in wanting things just right, but that God has a different idea of just right. Knowing that I will not achieve the perfection I seek is one thing, accepting it is something entirely different. I believe all of us, whether a raging perfectionist or a weekend warrior perfectionist, need to hear the message in this book."  http://cornerstoneconfessions.com/2013/04/confessions-of-a-raging-perfectionist.html?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=confessions-of-a-raging-perfectionist
"...if you are starting to feel the strangle from too many pressures to be perfect, I highly recommend Amanda Jenkin’s [sic] new book, Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist.    It just may change your outlook on the way you do life…for the better…God’s better." 

My interview with Debbie Chavez

http://debbiechavezshow.com/2013/04/30/4-30-2013-how-to-recover-from-a-perfectionism-addiction.aspx

Talking about my book. And my issues.

Interview with Janet Parshall:

http://www.moodyradio.org/radioplayer.aspx?episode=109705&hour=1