Rocco Versaci's Blog, page 4

Round Two

When I went through chemotherapy ten years ago, I kept a journal. Today, on the day before I start “Round Two – Ten Years Later,” I thought I’d dig it up and see what was on my mind. Here’s what I found:

Sunday, July 13, 2003It’s the night before my chemotherapy begins. What am I thinking about?
How badly will it kick my ass?Will there be any long term effects?How bad will Nick and Tony be frightened?How bad will I be frightened?Will it even work?
I can’t dwell on this last question too long. It...

Preparing for Battle

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt."                                                                                     --Sun-Tzu, The Art of War


Time to get to know my enemy (with a little help from this birthday gift).

Fire My Travel Agent

Elev. HCG, AFPCT (chest, abdomen, pelvis) conf. retroperitoneal massUltrasound conf. test. massRight I/OTesticular biopsy – nonseminomous, terratomaRetroperitoneal biopsy – nonseminomous, embryonalEP x 4Possible RLND


Um, what?
This is probably the reaction that most people would have when looking at what’s written above. Yes, the letters are familiar, but they’re arranged into words that look like a foreign language. And of course, they are. In this case, it’s a language used in a city that lie...

Heroes and Monsters

When I had cancer the first time, there was no surgery involved, so my physical encumbrances were all chemo-related—fatigue, loss of appetite, some nausea, neuropathy, yada yada yada. Now, though, it’s different. Less than a week removed from surgery and a few days removed from two procedures that were more invasive than I remembered/realized, I’m finding the physical obstacles to be a lot greater. This morning I was able to take a shower for the first time since Thursday, but first I had to...

Mediports and Football: Thursday's Procedures, Part II

The other procedure today was the installation of my mediport. This is a device that’s meant to ease the delivery of chemotherapy, which I’m probably going to start on the week of the 11th. When my doctor mentioned a port, I pictured something like this:  


Ten years ago I did not have a port; back then, they were bulky and external and prone to fun things like infection, leakage, and clogging. Also, it had to stay dry. So I took the second option—an IV stick for every chemo session, which...

Put Your Hand in the Hand: Thursday's Procedures, Part I

One of my favorite short stories is Raymond Carver’s “Cathedral,” and no matter what class I’m teaching, I’ll almost always find an excuse to use it. The story is told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator who’s anxious because a blind man—a friend of his wife’s from before he knew her—is coming to visit them. Our narrator isn’t a bad guy, but he doesn’t get out much, either, and he’s uncomfortable (to say the least) with anything that exists outside of his own narrowly-defined boundari...

Post Op Blues

So, I'm a little over twenty-four hours removed from my surgery, and here's where I stand:

I'm not supposed to lift more than ten to fifteen pounds for the next four weeks. I'm not sure how this is going to go; I mean, I've filled plates of food that weigh more than ten to fifteen pounds--just ask anyone who's seen me at a cookout. Of course, my appetite's due to take a nosedive in the upcoming weeks, so maybe it's just as well...

I completely lack the flexibility (without screaming, that is) t...

I Got Dem Post Op Blues

So, I'm a little over twenty-four hours removed from my surgery, and here's where I stand:

I'm not supposed to lift more than ten to fifteen pounds for the next four weeks. I'm not sure how this is going to go; I mean, I've filled plates of food that weigh more than ten to fifteen pounds--just ask anyone who's seen me at a cookout. Of course, my appetite's due to take a nosedive in the upcoming weeks, so maybe it's just as well...

I completely lack the flexibility (without screaming, that is) t...

Adios, Sundance

"Count backward from one hundred."

I'm lying on a thin blanket and staring at three powerful-looking lights mounted to the ceiling. People in blue gowns and white masks move all around me; I know this not only because I can hear them but also because they keep popping up above me in my field of vision.

"One hundred..." I say.

My left arm lies against my side, an IV needle sticking out of a soft patch of innner elbow and trailing a long skinny tube that snakes somewhere behind and above me. I've...

The Condition of My Condition

I’ve fallen lots of times on my bike, and it’s always the same. My tire catches on the lip of a curb or slides on some loose gravel, and there’s a sudden shift of weight and space. My body tightens and I imagine my face registers something like shocked surprise. The world as I know it—a carefully balanced ride from here to there—has radically and swiftly rearranged itself, and I’m struggling to catch up.
But that only lasts a split second. The thing to do then is to understand that you’re fall...