Su-Yee Lin > Quotes

“When you see her, it is like an avalanche. You are staggered, blown away, your heart beating furiously in your chest. When you see her, your memories come tumbling down, crushing you beneath their weight. When you see her, you remember all that you have lost and that again, you have lost.

You see her and you see the cancer eating away at her intestines, her hollow cheeks, her bloodshot eyes. You hear your arguments about money, about chemotherapy, about her family. You smell blood, and the antiseptic air of a hospital. You see her at age thirty-seven, her long chestnut hair windblown, her green eyes sad, her mouth open in an “o” of astonishment. There is no happiness in her face.

You see her and you cannot say a word.”
― Su-Yee Lin, Thirteen Steps in the Underworld

“Every step you take is a step in the dark, because every step takes you away from what you know, who you are, what you want to be. Every step in the dark is the creation of something new. Every step takes a toll in memory.”
― Su-Yee Lin, Thirteen Steps in the Underworld

“You see her, and a wave of memory comes crashing down. You realize that you’ve gone about it all wrong: you were never supposed to follow her; you had forgotten what you’d been searching for. It was never yours to find, anyway. You are no Orpheus and she is no Eurydice. She knows that, but you didn’t realize it until now. You see her and suddenly your mouth is dry but you can’t swallow, your eyes are tearing, your body is shaking, and you want to throw yourself at her feet and say I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”
― Su-Yee Lin, Thirteen Steps in the Underworld

“Of course, there are other memories. There are memories of her leaning over the stove, the light from the window haloing her hair, turning it a gold-tinged brown. There are memories of her, young and bright with joy, dancing around on a soccer field at midnight, her feet bare, her skirt flying. There are memories of your first kiss, on the roof of a college dorm, the fear of getting caught mixed with exhilaration, her hair tickling your cheek. There are memories of fights, of romantic dinners, of vacations to Alaska and Venice. But they are all memories from the distant past.”
― Su-Yee Lin, Thirteen Steps in the Underworld