Tim Allen > Quotes

“Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. ”
― Tim Allen

“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”
― Tim Allen

“The greatest missile in the world is useless...unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow is pointless unless it hits something. So it's important for kids—for everyone, even if you fail at first—to target something and head in that direction. With all your might.”
― Tim Allen, Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man

“You are a sad, strage little man.”
― Tim Allen

“Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing, which is like men calling lying bullshitting.”
― Tim Allen

“One thing you'll never hear boys--or for that matter, men--saying is, "Charlie, that's a good-looking shirt. Kind of a fun thing. And those trousers make your ass look nice. Can I borrow those?”
― Tim Allen, Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man

“Never give up. Never surrender!”
― Tim allen in Galaxy Quest

“If man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?”
― Tim Allen

“There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.”
― Tim Allen

“Never Give up Never surrender”
― Tim Allen

“convictions and beliefs! .. what do they have to do with religion!”
― Tim Allen

“Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!”
― Tim Allen

“It's sad knowing that after something happens, every option to change the past is gone.”
― Tim Allen, I'm Not Really Here

“All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.”
― Tim Allen

“Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot".”
― Tim Allen

“If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.”
― Tim Allen

“While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.”
― Tim Allen

“When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.”
― Tim Allen

“never give up, never surrender”
― Tim Allen

“The most important thing I've discovered is that I love her best when I'm not scared of her, when I'm not worrying myself crazy because she's a girl and I'm a boy and I don't understand all there is to understand about her, or because I'm afraid I haven't been a good enough [dad]. Fear gets in the way of love, and I've discovered that fear, and not hate, is the opposite of love.”
― Tim Allen, I'm Not Really Here