Ben Aitken > Quotes

“Over dinner, we mostly talk about Henry being gone a year. I tell her what someone told me in Italy: that grief is fruitful because it gives perspective and a sense of scale. Winnie says that's bollocks. Says that loss begets fear of loss. Says she likes the spare ribs though.”
― Ben Aitken, The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple

“She says there's been a few drops of snow in Yorkshire so the BBC are calling it a White Christmas. I say that's like calling me a vegetarian because I eat peas twice a week.”
― Ben Aitken, The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple

“I ask what inscription she'd have on her headstone. She gives it some thought, then says, 'Was meant to be enjoying herself but polished the doorknob instead.”
― Ben Aitken, The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple

“For one, there are so many things on the table, most of which are tricky to identify, especially when you’ve nobody to consult with. I’m pretty sure some of the gear from the bathroom – the little pots of cream and lotion – are put out with the breakfast things, to give the impression of abundance and luxury, a dozen things to spread on your toast. Another thing is that the other guests are always so fascinated by you. They’re so bored of each other that all of a sudden you’re the most intriguing thing in the world. Is his girlfriend still in bed? they whisper. He can’t be here on business? He’s not actually reading that book – it’s a niche. Look, Ted, he’s dunking his sausage in moisturiser.”
― Ben Aitken, Dear Bill Bryson: Footnotes from a Small Island

“She takes a cautious approach to toasting bread. She does it by degrees, nervous of burning it. But the trouble is, by popping it up and down five times to check on its progress, she provides herself with plenty of opportunities to forget about the toast entirely and burn it to a crisp. Her cautious approach to toasting, I fancy, actually has the unintended consequence of making it more likely she'll burn her breakfast. Is there a life lesson in this, I wonder?”
― Ben Aitken, The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple

“If it’s a British characteristic to be friendly and curious, it’s as much a British characteristic to inhibit such qualities, believing it polite to do so. As a result, British friendliness too often fails to escape the clutch of British manners. Thankfully, as we get older we start to see the madness in all this and, with one foot in the grave, adopt the attitude that, ‘hell, if I’ve a question to ask or something to say then I jolly well shall’, and start once more to act with the candour and curiosity of children. It is during our middle decades, when we are supposedly most vital, that we are most socially pathetic.”
― Ben Aitken, Dear Bill Bryson: Footnotes from a Small Island

“At 9, with her stew more reduced than any set of freedoms could ever be, she decides she fancies a baked potato with it. We sit down an hour later and something about the lateness of the meal prompts her to bring up the family 'holidays' they used to take down in Devon. (She puts the word in scare quotes because as far as she's concerned a woman's work was never done.) She says there was something magical about those holidays, now that she thinks about it. 'We bought that cottage for fourteen grand. You couldn't get a back door for that money nowadays. But that's what happens. Things change. I mean, look at me. If I found myself in the back of the fridge I wouldn't think twice about throwing myself out.' I ask if she worries about getting old. She snorts. At the question's stupidity. 'The trouble with death,' she says, 'is that it stops you doing things.”
― Ben Aitken, The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple