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324 pages, Hardcover
First published April 9, 1984
This book will prove the following ten facts:And it does. Just read it.
1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast.
6. An Englishman's home is his castle.
7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
8. One black eye deserves another.
9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
10. It pays to increase your word power.
"Well, [writer's block is] a terrible condition," Quentin said plaintively. "You three are lucky not to know what it's like. You haven't a thought in your head, or if you have, you can't somehow get it down on paper, or if you do manage to put something down, it goes small and boring and doesn't lead anywhere. And you panic because you can't earn any money, and that makes it worse. It can go on for years, too -"Even when it feels too self-aware, the joke is expanded on, or compounded, in a way that makes it very clear from where Hilary McKay inherited some of her style.
Howard was just thinking that he was glad he did not intend to be a writer - designing spaceships seemed much easier - when Awful interrupted. "I know," she said. "It's like when they tell me in school, 'Make a drawing of the ancient Britons,' and I can't because I'm not in a drawing mood."