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Parenting With Love and Logic

4.07  ·  Rating details ·  11,825 ratings  ·  1,364 reviews
This parenting book shows you how to raise self-confident, motivated children who are ready for the real world. Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing their character. Establish healthy control through easy-to-implement steps without anger, threats, nagging, or power struggles. Indexed for easy reference.
Hardcover, Updated and Expanded Edition, 271 pages
Published May 3rd 2006 by NavPress Publishing Group (first published January 1st 1990)
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Average rating 4.07  · 
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 ·  11,825 ratings  ·  1,364 reviews

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Lauren Redmond
Mar 06, 2008 rated it liked it
I bought this book, as well as 4 other parenting books, so that I could compare a bunch of different theories and techniques and decide what spoke to me.

I found it interesting and there was plenty that was useful, however there was a lot that I didn't agree with. I think that there are a lot of responses to children that they call "Logical consequences" that I call punishment all dressed up in disguise. I don't know how this couldn't come across as inauthentic to children and get more annoying
Jul 12, 2010 rated it did not like it
Shelves: adult, parenting
This book advocates parenting methods that, if followed, could in some cases amount to child abuse/neglect. For example, the book suggests that if a two-year-old doesn't behave appropriately at dinner, the parents should deny him food until morning. The authors also suggest that if a 6-month-old throws his bottle, the parents should withhold it until the next meal! At least one thing advocated by the authors is actually illegal. They assert that it is the child's problem (not the parents' proble ...more
Jul 11, 2012 rated it it was ok
Recommended to Carrie by: Lynn
Shelves: nonfiction
I really wanted to like this book. I strongly agree with the philosophy of giving children logical consequences rather than engaging in power struggles and shouting matches, or just parenting by incessant nagging without follow-through (yes, guilty). But frankly I found a lot of their "practical tips" completely unrealistic and therefore of limited usefulness.

For instance:
"Bedtime, like many other control issues, can be defused by giving up control. Parents tend to underestimate children's need
Aug 18, 2013 rated it it was ok
I realize that in some circles this book has a stong following, but I found it to be one of the most bizarre parenting books I've ever read...emphasis on talking sweetly and enforcing natural consequences, but in a twisted eye-for-an-eye way. Some of the examples were outright alarming.


Authors advocate a one-size-fits-all parenting approach – I was disappointed to read that they do not consider “why” a child is doing what they’re doing (nor are parents encouraged to figure out why). In brie
Feb 03, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, childrens
I loved this book, but in the end couldn't give it more than 3 stars, probably closer to a 3.5. First of all, it has some absolutely wonderful tips on parenting children. Giving children choices instead of losing your cool, and putting the ball in their court, making them be the one to have to make a choice, really is a great construct if you can remember to put it into practice. Then there was the whole section on money that I loved, talking about helping your children manage their own finances ...more
Nov 10, 2007 rated it liked it
I have mixed feelings about this book.

Here’s what I liked about this book:

* The emphasis on consequences. It makes sense that, in order to learn about the real world, children should be allowed to experience consequences (within reason) so they can alter their behavior. And consequences cannot be given unless choices are also offered, within reason. I agree with that, too.

* Also, I loved that they pointed out several times how important it is to model good behavior for your children. I wholehe
Oct 27, 2008 rated it it was ok
In all fairness, had I written this review a couple weeks ago immediately after I read it, I probably would have given this book 3 stars. But since then, the points of contention for me have continued to annoy me, therefor Jim and Foster, I bestow only 2 little stars for you. I realize this book has great following and is perhaps the "Child Raising Bible" to many, however, I obviously was not sold.
The premise of this book is that children learn from mistakes. The natural consequences that occur
Dec 23, 2010 rated it did not like it
This book encourages parents to be mean, authoritarian and bordering on abusive. It advises parents run a boot camp for their children to learn to be responsible using trickery and sarcasm. I suspect this book appeals to those with certain values different from mine, and I feel sorry for their children. Much of the language encouraged by the book was disrespectful towards the children. For instance, ina demonstration, without warning the mom gave away a girl's puppy because she wasn't taking car ...more
May 08, 2008 rated it liked it
There are a lot of great techniques in this book, but some that I question. It seems that the object of L&L parenting is to be constantly teaching the child a lesson. I think that sometimes going out of your way to "teach them a lesson" is artificial and even on occasion harsh. I think about the way our Father in Heaven would parent us. He allows us to suffer the consequences of our mistakes but doesn't "rub it in", or set us up for failure.

Having listened to a number of L&L cds and read a coupl
Matthew Richey
Mixed feelings. I think there are some good foundational principles and techniques, but lacking grace.
Jan 16, 2013 rated it really liked it
“Parenting with Love & Logic” hardly sounds like a controversial strategy, but the brand created by two fairly old-school men has plenty of detractors. Though I wish the book had been more engagingly written (and could have done without the religious overtones), I must recommend it to parents as my top pick to date for practical childrearing suggestions (e.g., tell your kids that sweets are for people who brush their teeth). If you approach the plethora of advice in a take-it-or-leave-it fashion ...more
Jun 11, 2011 rated it it was ok
I didn't read the whole book, just the first couple chapters, then I skimmed through the rest.

Some things I really liked and am trying to use:

*Giving choices. I agree that kids should be able to choose whenever possible rather than me telling them what to do: "What do you want to do first: Go to the bathroom or get your shoes on?". That's easy enough, and then they fight it a little less.

*Choosing consequences that fit the mistake. Hard to do, but it makes sense. I like the energy drain: "Your f
Jan 15, 2009 rated it it was amazing
I don't rate many books with 5 stars, so you can bet this one is good. Gail and I have used these techniques and we were amazed at the children's response. Don't get me wrong, it's way easier to yell at your kids and smack them upside the head. But, if you want to actually get through to your kids and teach them the skills they will need to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives, this book will change yours. It was recommended to us by our pediatrician and had proven to be one of the ...more
Chad Warner
Feb 14, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Chad by: Kelly Warner
This parenting guide tells how to be a consultant, guiding your child, rather than commanding or rescuing from trouble. It advocates setting firm loving limits, using enforceable statements, and giving children reasonable choices. These replace anger and lecturing. When a child causes a problem, you show empathy and lovingly hand the problem and its consequences back to the child.

I like this parenting approach in theory. My wife and I have only just started to try it in practice, so I can't say
Jacqueline Wheeler
I do not want to rate this book because I do not have children yet, and I feel like that's an unfair opinion. I read this book in preparation for becoming a foster parent, and I've just been reading all the parenting books that have been recommended to me, in order to see what style fits best with my husband and I.
I can totally see a lot of situations in this book problematic, especially if I were to use the situations for foster care. I did love the concept of having the child focus on fixing
Sep 26, 2008 rated it liked it
I learned a lot from this book and have been practicing some of the strategies (giving lots of choices, singing the uh oh song, etc.). I liked the general concepts of the book, but I disagreed with some of the points. I think that kids can detect when you are insincere. The authors mention that you cannot be sarcastic when you talk about certain choices and consequences, but some of the role-play scenarious seemed impossible to do without sarcasm. I also think that there was very little focus on ...more
Jul 09, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
This book is my dad: the calm and sometimes slightly sadistic way he let us experience the consequences of our choices, the kind of detached but sympathetic stance ("Gee, I hope you work that out! Good luck!")even the unsubtle brainwashing-by-intentional-overhearing, i.e. "Gee, washing dishes is sure fun! La-dee-da! I bet YOU wish you were washing some dishes right now!"

It is an interesting read, if a teensy bit 50's father-knows-bestish, and a smidge alarmist about "raising a Christian family
Aug 06, 2007 rated it it was ok
I am not a fan of this book although I see that there are many useful concepts therein. The book is frequently recommended for parents adopting older children, but the whole tone of the book put me off. The authors seem to take pleasure in the ways they've invented to show children the natural consequences of misbehaviors. It's very meanspirited.

For post-institutionalized kids in particular, the whole concept of "natural consequences" may not even make sense to them at an age-appropriate level.
Feb 11, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: abandoned, nope
Not a fan. I can't endorse any book who highlights locking your 4 year old child in the room (Oh but you should stand right outside!) or asking your 7 year old child if you look like an idiot. I tried to read to extract whatever good was in there, but I pulled out my pencil and started marking the book where I vehemently disagreed, so I set it aside and moved on to other books I find more beneficial.
Aug 20, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: we-own, parenting
My favorite comprehensive, practical parenting book. I do think it's helpful to have a philosophical and theological framework with which to interpet this system, and to know when to veer off the course. They are a bit heavy handed and also go a bit farther than I think most would / should in application. However, I think the practical examples are helpful to shift parents towards giving their children more responsibility.
Gideon Yutzy
May 26, 2020 rated it really liked it
Cline and Fay's big idea is that using purely punitive measures to correct your children is seldom effective, for it removes the possibility of the child growing and learning from the experience. Really like it also how they promote framing a command in a choice ([PARENT] "Your choice: You can do your homework in the living room or the kitchen table"). My wife and I have had the chance to implement this and certainly find it to be effective as it gives children buy-in in what they do, and they d ...more
Jan 17, 2009 rated it liked it
I have heard so much about Love and Logic style parenting that I thought I might already know all there is to know about it and didn't even need to read the book. On the off chance I was wrong, I checked it out.

Turns out, I knew very little. I had heard about the "give choices" aspect, but there were plenty of ideas that were brand new to me.

Written by a child psychologist and physician, Love and Logic is a parenting philosophy that seems to use Zen techniques to avoid angry confrontations with
Megan Alton
Apr 04, 2014 rated it it was ok
2.5 stars. I like the logic behind this book. The two principles are "adults must set firm, loving limits using enforceable statements without showing anger, lecturing, or using threats" and "when a child causes a problem, the adult shows empathy through sadness and sorrow and then lovingly hands the problem and it's consequences back to the child." I am all for children making their own choices and learning from consequences but much of this book did not sit well with me. The examples of conver ...more
Dalaina May
Jan 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
Initially, my impression of Parenting with Love and Logic was positive. Give your children responsibilities and choices from early on so that they will grow up knowing how to make them just seems like common sense to me. In our home, we've already taken to using several of the big techniques in Love & Logic - offering reasonable choices instead of telling our kids what to do all the time, trying to use logical consequences for bad choices, and making our kids think through situations - and we've ...more
Aug 10, 2010 rated it it was ok
Shelves: pregnancy-babies
I had mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, I liked the basic principle: give your children choices within limits and let them experience natural consequences for their actions rather than imposing arbitrary punishments on them. We've actually gotten some good results with Zoe when she's refusing to do something using the choices idea. For instance, by asking her if she wants to walk to the car or get carried, she usually chooses walking rather than choosing not to go to the car at al ...more
I will start my review with two caveats: I'm probably not going to finish this, and while it contains some good ideas, I stopped reading when it hit total WTFery.

The basic concept here is that children learn from experience, i.e. from making choices and seeing how those pan out for good or bad, and that this process is more effective as a teaching tool than punishment. Makes sense as far as it goes, although discipline is not the same as punishment and taking the responsibility for discipline of
Dec 06, 2011 rated it liked it
Read this one when Ben was a baby and remember thinking at the time that it would be a good re-read when Ben was older. Well, here I am with an 8 year old so it was good to revisit. I found as I read that I had incorporated quite a bit from this book - mostly giving kids' choices as an easy and not demanding way to get things done. The book inspires me to think creatively on the topic of discipline.

Here's what I didn't like:
1) It's written by men who weren't stay at home parents. Spend 12 hours
Sep 20, 2007 rated it really liked it
I've heard this material in several settings, but I had not read the entire book before. I would say this book should be titled, "How to Help Your Children Have Problems". I like the premise of teaching your children to solve their own problems, own their choices and live out the consequences from an early age while they are under your roof.

But I do not think this is the only parenting book you will ever need, nor do I agree with all of the author's opinions. There are a lot of other great Chri
Dec 19, 2012 rated it did not like it
Shelves: self-help
I hated this book! I thought the authors came across in a condescending, know-it-all voice. I disagreed completely with the way they proposed for parents to "win" the power struggle with their children: Don't tell them to do anything. Just ask them to contemplate doing what you want; so that when they don't comply, they are not actually disobeying you -- therefore you haven't lost. Weird. I am not going to ask my kids to consider doing their schoolwork and then let them suffer the consequences o ...more
Sep 27, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting, nonfiction
While I really liked the ideas in this book, I'm giving it 4 stars because I felt like it wasn't organized well and didn't really give a clear plan of how to actually implement the ideas.

Reread (2017) This time I would give it 3 stars. It feels like the authors have the attitude that if you would follow the ideas in the book, your kids will be perfect...which works great, until you have a kid who doesn't fit the traditional mold. I do think there are a lot of good ideas in here, but I don't thin
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