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Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously
An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way.
What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Pan sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver.
What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Pan sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published May 28, 2019
4534 people are currently reading
43240 people want to read
About the author
Jessica Pan
5 books550 followersHalf-Chinese American living in London. Graduate of Brown University. Big fan of dogs, coconut smoothies and traveling.
To keep up with my new writing, please subscribe to my newsletter on Substack: It'll Be Fun, They Said by Jess Pan
https://jesspan.substack.com/
My second book, SORRY I'M LATE, I DIDN'T WANT TO COME came out in May 2019 and has sold 100,000+ copies to date.
It's about the year I spent: talking to strangers, performing stand-up comedy, travelling solo, trying out improv, going on friend dates and doing a bunch of extrovert-y things. I interview brilliant people throughout the book who guide me through these nightmares.
It's available here in the USA:
https://www.amazon.com/Sorry-Late-Did...
And here in the UK:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sorry-Late-D...
I'm also the co-author of GRADUATES IN WONDERLAND, a memoir about living in Beijing, Paris, Melbourne and New York. Out now!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,637 reviews
December 26, 2020
I'm not a shintrovert (shy introvert - a term I was not familiar with before reading this book). I enjoy working with people and speaking to them. Yet, I do need my private time and space and reading to recharge my batteries. I have always been happy with this and my fantastic friends who do not see being an introvert or extrovert as better or worse than the other. Reading 'Sorry, I'm late ' was like talking to a friend, a witty, ironic, courageous, sometimes self-absorbed, but ultimately understanding friend who just happened to ask herself 'What opportunities am I missing out on and how far am I prepared to go to find this out?'. No, I would never put myself through what she did in search for the answers, but the book that was born out of this experience is both entertaining and thought-provoking.
Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for the ARC provided in exchange for an honest opinion.
Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for the ARC provided in exchange for an honest opinion.
January 6, 2024
not to be a downer on the first week of the year 2024, but i don’t have friends.
okay, that’s a lie i guess.
i have three friends.
in real life.
not online.
some people may say that’s enough, and i would say the same if they were people i could rely on.
i mean, i can, but to an extent. nothing where i would be talking about them all the time, considering myself a big part of their life or considering them a big part of mine.
my three friends are the friends i have hung out with since i moved back home after graduating college from denver, which was in july of 2023. the only three friends i have hung out with, because there is no one else. how sad is that? my other friend is my mom, which sometimes includes her friends when we decide to go out or get together at home. and really, i left my other five or so friends in denver when i moved back home to take advantage of my gap year and rent free home. so i have friends, of course, but my close friends are back in denver, and now that i’m home, i feel like there’s no one i can really rely on, yknow? i actually recently had a conversation with a friend i have in canada and we talked about friendship. i started crying and told her i needed to move on from this topic because i was getting sentimental at the fact that, realistically speaking, i don’t have close friends. i don’t have besties. i have friends i can hang out with once in a while, i have people i know, i have mutual acquaintances, but i don’t have anyone i count on. no one i would consider a comfort person. no one i could call at 3am because i’m having a dream about something and panicking. i mean, no, i don’t want a lot of friends. i’m perfectly happy with having only three or so friends. my issue is that i feel like i need more. not more friends, more of them. i’m perfectly content with my life as an introvert, as a bookworm, as someone whose social battery dies by the afternoon, as someone who doesn’t mind staying home. but i do wish i had someone who i can rely on that isn’t just family, someone i could look for comfort. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful for those friends i have, whether in denver or back home, but i wish there was more. one of them doesn’t really reciprocate, and i feel like i’m the only one who tries in the relationship so i’m slowly distancing myself away, telling myself to not text her and ask to hang out. the other two have their other close friends, so i’m always left wondering who else to talk to to not feel so alone. so in reality, they’re friends, they’re people i know, but i don’t see myself ever growing old with them, telling them everything and hearing everything about them, relying on them, trusting them 100%, etc. i’m not trying to give the wrong impression. the three friends i have aren’t people i’d fight to keep as my friends, and i think that says enough.
it really sucks being an introvert with quality time being my love language because i want to go out but i also don’t. in reality, i wanna spend time with friends in the smallest ways. running errands together? watching a movie at our place? ordering take out? yes please. going shopping? going to a fancy restaurant? hiking? no thanks. i love asking friends to run errands with me, but i don’t have anyone to do that with. i love hanging out at a burger joint and talking and catching up, just two of us or another friend, and then departing ways. i love going out and simply getting together, no matter where we go, because my dopamine comes from hanging out with my one or two friends, even if the public is what gives me anxiety and this need to go back home.
making friends, overall, is difficult for me. i don’t go out, i don’t put myself out there, and i don’t give good reasons to show people i’m approachable. some people tell me i have a resting bitch face and come off as someone who doesn’t like you at first glance, even though i am far from being that person (at least i think so). i consider myself someone bubbly despite my attire. i consider myself out going despite my social awkwardness. i consider myself friendly despite my doubts at first.
and jessica was in the same spot as me.
i consider myself a shintrovert but not like jessica. however, there were a couple things jessica did that i, truthfully, could never bring myself to do. regardless, jessica shows how the labels of introversion or extroversion aren’t what define us, but we define ourselves. just because one struggles with social anxiety doesn’t mean they’re an introvert, and just because someone is an introvert doesn’t mean they will have social anxiety. i think, one way or another, everyone has social anxiety in their own way. i’m shy, i’m an introvert, and i don’t really have friends, but i’m able to talk to people when i need to, i’m able to help others if i have the answers, i’m able to ask for help when i’ve accepted my stubbornness won’t get me far. i had two jobs in college (separately and then at the same time) that required lots of conversating, which is a reason i got them in the first place. one was a peer mentor job, where i was basically an assistant to a professor but more like a mentor who checked in with the students. i was responsible for making sure they were getting their requirements, checking in to ask how they’re doing, giving them the necessary resources for a successful semester, and more. and then i worked in retail, which, of course, requires a lot of patience. i had to force myself to become friendly with coworkers, customers, managers, and anyone else. i had to ask questions related to the store (“did you want to sign up for our credit card to get 5% back”); i had to be patient with customers asking me to go to the backstore (“no ma’am, we do not have that bag in the back as we don’t have anything there at the moment”); i had to pretend i’m fine (“i’m good, thank you for asking! did you need a bag”) *eye twitches*
a lot of moments of my life have helped me a lot, especially in terms of customer service, assisting, and becoming more comfortable with others. but there are other things i still struggle with. in 2023, i managed to do things for myself that i hadn’t done before, like going to a concert alone, including going to different states for it; i started talking to other people while waiting in line for concerts too that i even got their social media handles; i was able to attend small events in school alone, without worrying about someone going with me, and left when i felt like it without worrying about too many people talking to me before the clock strikes 5pm because by that time, i’m done; i started taking public transportation with confidence, knowing where i was going; i started to panic less when people sat next to me; i stopped avoiding as much eye contact when i know it would be helpful on occasion; i ate out alone. it’s nothing major, it’s not like i traveled to a whole different country even though i want to but am too scared about figuring everything out–public transportation, interactions, hotels, asking locals for help, looking up restaurants and places to visit, language barriers. i wanna travel, maybe not alone (but who knows?) and the only thing that stops me is fear. i’d be going with my mom, most likely, yet i’m still terrified about figuring everything else out. i like telling my friends outside the US if i go to their home country because hey! maybe we can meet and hang and you can help me? it’s not like i went hiking alone, even though i wouldn’t mind it because nature is nice.
the best thing about this is how open minded the definition of introversion is analyzed. jessica doesn’t stick to the stereotypical, usual definition of introversion meaning that people are antisocial, hate people, hate socializing, don’t go out and are basically hermits, etc. even though she’s a shintrovert, a shy introvert, she doesn’t abide by the ‘rules’ of introversion. she doesn’t let it define her and stop her from moving forward. like she says: i was an introvert in a hole, not in a hole because i was an introvert. i think this really speaks volumes because, like any introvert or even extrovert, we tend to use the labels as an excuse for how we act and pursue things. similarity, extroverts may like being around people and get their dopamine with groups and individuals, but even a time of rest is necessary for them and all they need is to wind down. jessica knew she wanted to go out but didn’t know how.
but she did.
she went out a lot. she met so many new people, and while only few of them became her close friends, she managed to build new connections that now last her long. people she went in a short term are now some of the best and closest people in her life.
one of my friends back in denver, one of those i left and consider really close, is an extrovert and she told me she needed time to wind down from her loud, boisterous family because she was tired. she wanted to go out, but on her own time, her own terms.
i read this as part of my “yearly” tradition where i read a sort of memoir, biography, or essay collection by an author, about anything in their life, the first day of the year, to start off the year either by educating myself in something or someone. the first book was Consent: A Memoir, which i read in 2022; and then in 2023, i read New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep. when i saw this was available at my library while browsing through the ‘humor fiction’ tag and ‘non fiction’ books, i didn’t think much about it because the title literally called to me. i downloaded it, immediately started it, and now can say that while i didn’t love it, i enjoyed it enough. jessica uses humor lightly, adding a bit of a light-hearted tone to the story despite some heartbreaking and terrifying moments. the only reason i’m rating this three stars is because sometimes, it felt like the book took a whole different tone from what it originally started with. it focuses on the one year she spent “extroverting,” going out and doing things out of her comfort zone. admittedly, certain moments felt unnecessary. this is why reviewing and rating non-fiction books like these aren’t my favorite. i’m not rating jessica’s life and discussing whether i enjoyed her year of acting like an extrovert and the such, but it’s still a book, and i found myself bored sometimes. my favorite moments had to do when she would be traveling, or awkwardly trying to talk to strangers, or simply putting herself out there.
i think what jessica did takes a lot of guts to do–traveling alone to an unknown place, talking to strangers randomly, signing herself up for events and workshops, pursuing stand up comedy, giving speeches like ted talks, and many more. this may come off as easy to some, but for some of us, with stage fright, social anxiety, haters of small talk, and an inability to make conversation, it’s hard. i love having extroverted friends because they get me out there, and sometimes i feel like i’m able to ‘wind’ them down a little bit. it’s a good balance, one without force. still, i know i could do what jessica did because my introversion doesn’t define me, but there are some things she did that i could not bring myself to do and would rather do something else. going to a sauna alone? stand up comedy? no thanks. but even then, being the way we are, becoming stimulated with big crowds of people, feeling done with the day by the afternoon, thinking of canceling plans to stay home and watch a movie or read a book, preferring dogs or cats over humans, avoiding eye contact to not let people know we are interested in talking, we’re still able to do what non-intorverts do. we become too focused on the label and the definition that we start association what we can do with am not able to.
i had plans for 2023, which i was able to accomplish some, and while i don’t really have some this year besides the same ones, i do hope i can do more with my life in terms of what my introversion limits me to do and not do. i’m not planning anything, but i’m going to be taking it day by day. i can’t say everything jessica did was inspiring, because some of the things she did are way too out of my comfort zone. she experiences panic attacks and anxiety and blacking out before doing some of them, which makes sense since it takes time and it’s a whole development, but i do hope i can achieve something for myself that brings me a different sense of dopamine.
happy new year, friends! <3
okay, that’s a lie i guess.
i have three friends.
in real life.
not online.
some people may say that’s enough, and i would say the same if they were people i could rely on.
i mean, i can, but to an extent. nothing where i would be talking about them all the time, considering myself a big part of their life or considering them a big part of mine.
my three friends are the friends i have hung out with since i moved back home after graduating college from denver, which was in july of 2023. the only three friends i have hung out with, because there is no one else. how sad is that? my other friend is my mom, which sometimes includes her friends when we decide to go out or get together at home. and really, i left my other five or so friends in denver when i moved back home to take advantage of my gap year and rent free home. so i have friends, of course, but my close friends are back in denver, and now that i’m home, i feel like there’s no one i can really rely on, yknow? i actually recently had a conversation with a friend i have in canada and we talked about friendship. i started crying and told her i needed to move on from this topic because i was getting sentimental at the fact that, realistically speaking, i don’t have close friends. i don’t have besties. i have friends i can hang out with once in a while, i have people i know, i have mutual acquaintances, but i don’t have anyone i count on. no one i would consider a comfort person. no one i could call at 3am because i’m having a dream about something and panicking. i mean, no, i don’t want a lot of friends. i’m perfectly happy with having only three or so friends. my issue is that i feel like i need more. not more friends, more of them. i’m perfectly content with my life as an introvert, as a bookworm, as someone whose social battery dies by the afternoon, as someone who doesn’t mind staying home. but i do wish i had someone who i can rely on that isn’t just family, someone i could look for comfort. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful for those friends i have, whether in denver or back home, but i wish there was more. one of them doesn’t really reciprocate, and i feel like i’m the only one who tries in the relationship so i’m slowly distancing myself away, telling myself to not text her and ask to hang out. the other two have their other close friends, so i’m always left wondering who else to talk to to not feel so alone. so in reality, they’re friends, they’re people i know, but i don’t see myself ever growing old with them, telling them everything and hearing everything about them, relying on them, trusting them 100%, etc. i’m not trying to give the wrong impression. the three friends i have aren’t people i’d fight to keep as my friends, and i think that says enough.
it really sucks being an introvert with quality time being my love language because i want to go out but i also don’t. in reality, i wanna spend time with friends in the smallest ways. running errands together? watching a movie at our place? ordering take out? yes please. going shopping? going to a fancy restaurant? hiking? no thanks. i love asking friends to run errands with me, but i don’t have anyone to do that with. i love hanging out at a burger joint and talking and catching up, just two of us or another friend, and then departing ways. i love going out and simply getting together, no matter where we go, because my dopamine comes from hanging out with my one or two friends, even if the public is what gives me anxiety and this need to go back home.
making friends, overall, is difficult for me. i don’t go out, i don’t put myself out there, and i don’t give good reasons to show people i’m approachable. some people tell me i have a resting bitch face and come off as someone who doesn’t like you at first glance, even though i am far from being that person (at least i think so). i consider myself someone bubbly despite my attire. i consider myself out going despite my social awkwardness. i consider myself friendly despite my doubts at first.
and jessica was in the same spot as me.
i consider myself a shintrovert but not like jessica. however, there were a couple things jessica did that i, truthfully, could never bring myself to do. regardless, jessica shows how the labels of introversion or extroversion aren’t what define us, but we define ourselves. just because one struggles with social anxiety doesn’t mean they’re an introvert, and just because someone is an introvert doesn’t mean they will have social anxiety. i think, one way or another, everyone has social anxiety in their own way. i’m shy, i’m an introvert, and i don’t really have friends, but i’m able to talk to people when i need to, i’m able to help others if i have the answers, i’m able to ask for help when i’ve accepted my stubbornness won’t get me far. i had two jobs in college (separately and then at the same time) that required lots of conversating, which is a reason i got them in the first place. one was a peer mentor job, where i was basically an assistant to a professor but more like a mentor who checked in with the students. i was responsible for making sure they were getting their requirements, checking in to ask how they’re doing, giving them the necessary resources for a successful semester, and more. and then i worked in retail, which, of course, requires a lot of patience. i had to force myself to become friendly with coworkers, customers, managers, and anyone else. i had to ask questions related to the store (“did you want to sign up for our credit card to get 5% back”); i had to be patient with customers asking me to go to the backstore (“no ma’am, we do not have that bag in the back as we don’t have anything there at the moment”); i had to pretend i’m fine (“i’m good, thank you for asking! did you need a bag”) *eye twitches*
a lot of moments of my life have helped me a lot, especially in terms of customer service, assisting, and becoming more comfortable with others. but there are other things i still struggle with. in 2023, i managed to do things for myself that i hadn’t done before, like going to a concert alone, including going to different states for it; i started talking to other people while waiting in line for concerts too that i even got their social media handles; i was able to attend small events in school alone, without worrying about someone going with me, and left when i felt like it without worrying about too many people talking to me before the clock strikes 5pm because by that time, i’m done; i started taking public transportation with confidence, knowing where i was going; i started to panic less when people sat next to me; i stopped avoiding as much eye contact when i know it would be helpful on occasion; i ate out alone. it’s nothing major, it’s not like i traveled to a whole different country even though i want to but am too scared about figuring everything out–public transportation, interactions, hotels, asking locals for help, looking up restaurants and places to visit, language barriers. i wanna travel, maybe not alone (but who knows?) and the only thing that stops me is fear. i’d be going with my mom, most likely, yet i’m still terrified about figuring everything else out. i like telling my friends outside the US if i go to their home country because hey! maybe we can meet and hang and you can help me? it’s not like i went hiking alone, even though i wouldn’t mind it because nature is nice.
the best thing about this is how open minded the definition of introversion is analyzed. jessica doesn’t stick to the stereotypical, usual definition of introversion meaning that people are antisocial, hate people, hate socializing, don’t go out and are basically hermits, etc. even though she’s a shintrovert, a shy introvert, she doesn’t abide by the ‘rules’ of introversion. she doesn’t let it define her and stop her from moving forward. like she says: i was an introvert in a hole, not in a hole because i was an introvert. i think this really speaks volumes because, like any introvert or even extrovert, we tend to use the labels as an excuse for how we act and pursue things. similarity, extroverts may like being around people and get their dopamine with groups and individuals, but even a time of rest is necessary for them and all they need is to wind down. jessica knew she wanted to go out but didn’t know how.
but she did.
she went out a lot. she met so many new people, and while only few of them became her close friends, she managed to build new connections that now last her long. people she went in a short term are now some of the best and closest people in her life.
one of my friends back in denver, one of those i left and consider really close, is an extrovert and she told me she needed time to wind down from her loud, boisterous family because she was tired. she wanted to go out, but on her own time, her own terms.
i read this as part of my “yearly” tradition where i read a sort of memoir, biography, or essay collection by an author, about anything in their life, the first day of the year, to start off the year either by educating myself in something or someone. the first book was Consent: A Memoir, which i read in 2022; and then in 2023, i read New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep. when i saw this was available at my library while browsing through the ‘humor fiction’ tag and ‘non fiction’ books, i didn’t think much about it because the title literally called to me. i downloaded it, immediately started it, and now can say that while i didn’t love it, i enjoyed it enough. jessica uses humor lightly, adding a bit of a light-hearted tone to the story despite some heartbreaking and terrifying moments. the only reason i’m rating this three stars is because sometimes, it felt like the book took a whole different tone from what it originally started with. it focuses on the one year she spent “extroverting,” going out and doing things out of her comfort zone. admittedly, certain moments felt unnecessary. this is why reviewing and rating non-fiction books like these aren’t my favorite. i’m not rating jessica’s life and discussing whether i enjoyed her year of acting like an extrovert and the such, but it’s still a book, and i found myself bored sometimes. my favorite moments had to do when she would be traveling, or awkwardly trying to talk to strangers, or simply putting herself out there.
i think what jessica did takes a lot of guts to do–traveling alone to an unknown place, talking to strangers randomly, signing herself up for events and workshops, pursuing stand up comedy, giving speeches like ted talks, and many more. this may come off as easy to some, but for some of us, with stage fright, social anxiety, haters of small talk, and an inability to make conversation, it’s hard. i love having extroverted friends because they get me out there, and sometimes i feel like i’m able to ‘wind’ them down a little bit. it’s a good balance, one without force. still, i know i could do what jessica did because my introversion doesn’t define me, but there are some things she did that i could not bring myself to do and would rather do something else. going to a sauna alone? stand up comedy? no thanks. but even then, being the way we are, becoming stimulated with big crowds of people, feeling done with the day by the afternoon, thinking of canceling plans to stay home and watch a movie or read a book, preferring dogs or cats over humans, avoiding eye contact to not let people know we are interested in talking, we’re still able to do what non-intorverts do. we become too focused on the label and the definition that we start association what we can do with am not able to.
i had plans for 2023, which i was able to accomplish some, and while i don’t really have some this year besides the same ones, i do hope i can do more with my life in terms of what my introversion limits me to do and not do. i’m not planning anything, but i’m going to be taking it day by day. i can’t say everything jessica did was inspiring, because some of the things she did are way too out of my comfort zone. she experiences panic attacks and anxiety and blacking out before doing some of them, which makes sense since it takes time and it’s a whole development, but i do hope i can achieve something for myself that brings me a different sense of dopamine.
happy new year, friends! <3
don-t-count
April 18, 2019This sounds ghastly.
May 11, 2020
A lot of the stuff she forced herself to try was waaaaaay out of my comfort zone.
Mad props to her for giving it a go and I was happy to live vicariously through her.
The author is funny and has a way of making you feel a part of the story.
I'm not sure if that's because I related so much to her story or if she is just that awesome.
One will never know.
Thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for my DRC.
Mad props to her for giving it a go and I was happy to live vicariously through her.
The author is funny and has a way of making you feel a part of the story.
I'm not sure if that's because I related so much to her story or if she is just that awesome.
One will never know.
Thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for my DRC.
May 11, 2020
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes is Jessica Pan’s story of committing to a year of engaging in activities far beyond her comfort zone as a shintrovert (shy introvert). She forces herself to talk with strangers and attempt to move beyond surface level conversations, uses apps in an effort to meet new friends, takes an improv class, performs stand-up comedy, takes a solo trip, and hosts a dinner party.
I admire Jessica’s bravery, particularly in her repeated participation in stand-up comedy, something I have no interest in doing. While I’m definitely more introvert than extrovert, I fall closer to the middle of the road and would not call myself a shintrovert — I enjoy socializing and going out with friends and family, I attend sporting events often and enjoy solo travel, but rarely initiate conversations with strangers, and definitely welcome and enjoy a low key weekend at home.
”Sharing our vulnerabilities and insecurities is the quickest way to make a real connection with someone ... It’s not that we want others to fail, but we need to know that our own sorrows have echoes in other people’s lives. That’s what connects us. Strength may be impressive, but it’s vulnerability that builds friendships.”
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is both funny and relatable. One of the biggest themes from the book is that regardless of where you land on the extrovert-introvert scale, you can apply behaviors from the other side, at least occasionally, to your benefit. We can stay true to who we are while recharging through alone time, and yet by talking to someone new, learn something we wouldn’t have otherwise known.
I admire Jessica’s bravery, particularly in her repeated participation in stand-up comedy, something I have no interest in doing. While I’m definitely more introvert than extrovert, I fall closer to the middle of the road and would not call myself a shintrovert — I enjoy socializing and going out with friends and family, I attend sporting events often and enjoy solo travel, but rarely initiate conversations with strangers, and definitely welcome and enjoy a low key weekend at home.
”Sharing our vulnerabilities and insecurities is the quickest way to make a real connection with someone ... It’s not that we want others to fail, but we need to know that our own sorrows have echoes in other people’s lives. That’s what connects us. Strength may be impressive, but it’s vulnerability that builds friendships.”
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is both funny and relatable. One of the biggest themes from the book is that regardless of where you land on the extrovert-introvert scale, you can apply behaviors from the other side, at least occasionally, to your benefit. We can stay true to who we are while recharging through alone time, and yet by talking to someone new, learn something we wouldn’t have otherwise known.
May 10, 2019
As an introvert with occasionally crippling social anxiety, I regarded Jess Pan's book warily. I saw the cover online, laughed at the icing-on-the-cake image, and then gave the subtitle a little side-eye. An introvert… saying yes… for a whole year? Say it ain't so.
Alas, Pan pulled me in with enticing hopes of being more extroverted without it costing me my sanity, and I'm very happy I gave this one a chance.
I'll start off by saying that motivational, inspirational books like You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life are my jam. I love fist pumping my way through and being completely convinced (while sitting quietly alone in my house) that I can conquer all my social-anxiety fears and do anything. And then I put the book down and happily prepare for an afternoon in peaceful solitude.
The thing I feel these books have in common is that they were written by extroverts. What makes Pan's work so convincing is that the root of her perceived issues stems from her being an introvert. Yes!
After acknowledging that maybe she could use a bit more of a social life, Pan vows to spend the following year doing things well outside of her comfort zone, including going to networking events where she doesn't know anyone (gasp), meeting women from Bumble BFF for coffee or drinks in the hope of feeling the elusive friend-spark (yikes), taking an improv comedy class (please, no), traveling alone and letting a complete stranger pick the destination (you can't even use a guidebook for help making plans when you get there: double yikes), doing stand-up comedy (I'd rather die), and hosting a dinner party (I mean, at least these people already like her).
I so totally appreciated the lengths Pan went to for this book. Instead of making bold proclamations about how totally rewarding uncomfortable social events can be (*cough* only an extrovert would say this *cough*), she goes out and does the legwork for us introverts reading with apt attention. And guess what: sometimes it really sucks. She had some really awful, panic-inducing, I'd-rather-be-anywhere-but-here moments along the way, but she stuck with it and came out with a group of unexpected new friends to invite to a dinner party.
Pan is the introvert that acknowledges that sometimes introversion is a bit of a problem, makes the resolution to try her hand at extroversion, and faces her fears for an entire year to learn that some of the stuff she was (any many introverts are, I'm sure) afraid of really wasn't that bad. She morphs from a "shintrovert" (shy introvert) into a budding "grintrovert" (gregarious introvert) in hilarious, heartwarming fashion.
Her story is one that will stick with me when I'm dreading a networking event or considering cancelling plans, and I'll recommend her advice to many of my introvert friends.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Alas, Pan pulled me in with enticing hopes of being more extroverted without it costing me my sanity, and I'm very happy I gave this one a chance.
I'll start off by saying that motivational, inspirational books like You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life are my jam. I love fist pumping my way through and being completely convinced (while sitting quietly alone in my house) that I can conquer all my social-anxiety fears and do anything. And then I put the book down and happily prepare for an afternoon in peaceful solitude.
The thing I feel these books have in common is that they were written by extroverts. What makes Pan's work so convincing is that the root of her perceived issues stems from her being an introvert. Yes!
After acknowledging that maybe she could use a bit more of a social life, Pan vows to spend the following year doing things well outside of her comfort zone, including going to networking events where she doesn't know anyone (gasp), meeting women from Bumble BFF for coffee or drinks in the hope of feeling the elusive friend-spark (yikes), taking an improv comedy class (please, no), traveling alone and letting a complete stranger pick the destination (you can't even use a guidebook for help making plans when you get there: double yikes), doing stand-up comedy (I'd rather die), and hosting a dinner party (I mean, at least these people already like her).
I so totally appreciated the lengths Pan went to for this book. Instead of making bold proclamations about how totally rewarding uncomfortable social events can be (*cough* only an extrovert would say this *cough*), she goes out and does the legwork for us introverts reading with apt attention. And guess what: sometimes it really sucks. She had some really awful, panic-inducing, I'd-rather-be-anywhere-but-here moments along the way, but she stuck with it and came out with a group of unexpected new friends to invite to a dinner party.
Pan is the introvert that acknowledges that sometimes introversion is a bit of a problem, makes the resolution to try her hand at extroversion, and faces her fears for an entire year to learn that some of the stuff she was (any many introverts are, I'm sure) afraid of really wasn't that bad. She morphs from a "shintrovert" (shy introvert) into a budding "grintrovert" (gregarious introvert) in hilarious, heartwarming fashion.
Her story is one that will stick with me when I'm dreading a networking event or considering cancelling plans, and I'll recommend her advice to many of my introvert friends.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
October 19, 2019
Too shallow to be worthwhile. It's all about a shy introvert pushing herself to do extroverted things like speaking in front of people or talking to people randomly and sharing her goofy adventures along the way. I don't love the obsession people seem to have with labels like introvert and extrovert, but I also find it odd that there are no books written by extroverts about how they decided not to always be out or talking to strangers or maybe they decided to stay home and read and how that year changed them for the better? It seems to me that everyone considers themselves to be an introvert these days and seems to revel in their awkwardness yet it all seems a bit self-absorbed. Pan seems to recognize this briefly when she's talking about getting over her fear of public speaking and realizing that nobody even cares. I think that's right. I wonder if everyone who seems themselves as a shy introvert and everyone else as smooth extroverts is actually just lacking a bit of humility and perspective. Maybe everyone feels shy and awkward meeting new people and maybe we're all just a bit lonely and also in need of human contact.
January 2, 2020
My first read of 2020, and it was rather average. I enjoyed how personal Jessica Pan got during her year of "extraverted-ness," but there was something missing for me in terms of execution and enjoyment while reading. I'm going to chalk it up to an "it's me, not you" situation!
May 19, 2019
I don't know if I'm an introvert. I know I'm perceived as an extrovert, so much so that when I moved into my current job, one of the librarians who would have to report to me sent me an article about how to care for introverts (ha!) But I have my own hill to climb to actually go out or show up. And I usually enjoy myself if I can hole up with a small group or one person (Gallup calls this the relator strength and doesn't bother with the E/I dichotomy.)
I enjoyed this book where Jessica Pan spent a year doing things outside of her comfort zone, sometimes taking classes or consulting experts along the way. (Some of these experts had really useful advice! Have an exit strategy. Commit to an hour. Bring a friend. Etc.)
One of my favorite chapters was when she told a story at a live event for The Moth. I also loved her comedy routines and how she talked herself into doing it three times. I felt she saw performance as extroverted, and I actually think these situations can be a safe way for introverts to get out there, because being on stage or having a persona does create distance between you and the masses. I'll give her a pass since she interacted quite a bit with fellow performers, even making some friends and connections.
Possibly the even greater extrovert experiences came from the excruciating daily challenges like initiating small talk on London's public transportation when that isn't a norm for anyone, trying to get male strangers to have deep conversations upon meeting them (if I tried this, guarantee that it would be interpreted as flirting, because nobody just goes deep for the sake of deep conversation,) and the daily grind of leaving the house. And I loved her dinner party. What's worse for an introvert than letting others inside your safe space?
.
I had an ARC of the book from the publisher through Edelweiss and it comes out May 28, 2019.
I enjoyed this book where Jessica Pan spent a year doing things outside of her comfort zone, sometimes taking classes or consulting experts along the way. (Some of these experts had really useful advice! Have an exit strategy. Commit to an hour. Bring a friend. Etc.)
One of my favorite chapters was when she told a story at a live event for The Moth. I also loved her comedy routines and how she talked herself into doing it three times. I felt she saw performance as extroverted, and I actually think these situations can be a safe way for introverts to get out there, because being on stage or having a persona does create distance between you and the masses. I'll give her a pass since she interacted quite a bit with fellow performers, even making some friends and connections.
Possibly the even greater extrovert experiences came from the excruciating daily challenges like initiating small talk on London's public transportation when that isn't a norm for anyone, trying to get male strangers to have deep conversations upon meeting them (if I tried this, guarantee that it would be interpreted as flirting, because nobody just goes deep for the sake of deep conversation,) and the daily grind of leaving the house. And I loved her dinner party. What's worse for an introvert than letting others inside your safe space?
.
I had an ARC of the book from the publisher through Edelweiss and it comes out May 28, 2019.
June 4, 2019
Like Jessica Pan, I’m a shy introvert (a “shintrovert”) as well as an American in the UK, so I was intrigued to see the strategies she employed and the experiences she sought out during a year of behaving like an extrovert. She forced herself to talk to strangers on the tube, gave a talk at London’s Union Chapel as part of the Moth, used friendship apps to make new girlfriends, did stand-up comedy and improv, attended networking events, went on holiday to an unknown destination, took magic mushrooms, and hosted a big Thanksgiving shindig.
Like Help Me!, which is a fairly similar year challenge book, it’s funny, conversational and compulsive reading that was perfect for me to be picking up and reading in chunks while I was traveling. Although I don’t think I’d copy any of Pan’s experiments – there’s definitely a cathartic element to reading this; if you’re also an introvert, you’ll feel nothing but relief that she’s done these things so you don’t have to – I can at least emulate her in initiating deeper conversations with friends and pushing myself to attend literary and networking events instead of just staying at home.
Like Help Me!, which is a fairly similar year challenge book, it’s funny, conversational and compulsive reading that was perfect for me to be picking up and reading in chunks while I was traveling. Although I don’t think I’d copy any of Pan’s experiments – there’s definitely a cathartic element to reading this; if you’re also an introvert, you’ll feel nothing but relief that she’s done these things so you don’t have to – I can at least emulate her in initiating deeper conversations with friends and pushing myself to attend literary and networking events instead of just staying at home.
November 10, 2020
DNF @40%
Every time I don't finish the book, I feel guilty. As if I'm cheating.
I was really looking forward to this and first 15-20% were ok, even funny. But after that, things just start going in circles.
Every time I don't finish the book, I feel guilty. As if I'm cheating.
I was really looking forward to this and first 15-20% were ok, even funny. But after that, things just start going in circles.
March 1, 2025
***NO SPOILERS***
Journalist Jessica Pan fully embraced her introversion but suffered from crippling social anxiety that was hurting her quality of life. Circumstances had left her with only one close friend (most recently, her husband; in the past, a cat), and she avoided any situation that would trigger anxiety or push her out of her comfort zone. Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come is about her year of what could be called "introvert exposure therapy." It was one year of "saying yes," as the subtitle says (or "extroverting," as she puts it) to some activities she always avoided and some new ones that terrified her.
Anyone who's been paying attention knows that embracing introversion has become trendy. Discussion of introversion is healthier than ever, as more and more people come to understand that introversion isn't a flaw. More is written about it, both seriously and in cutesy ways. Pro-introvert memes and message tees abound. It's not as taboo to say you just don’t feel like going to that party. It's a little less frowned upon to cancel at the last minute if your introvert spirit moves you. But there's a drawback to the pro-introvert trendiness that I was glad to see Pan voice: "I had taken my introvert status as a license to wall myself off from others." Humans are social animals. Introverts should be careful to say yes some of the time. By publishing this book Pan participates in the pro-introvert trend but with a new, needed message.
Pan describes herself specifically as a "shintrovert," a portmanteau of "shy introvert" that she coined. From the moment introversion and extroversion were recognized as personality traits, introversion has been incorrectly, and derogatorily, used as a synonym for "shyness." Those who've read about introversion in depth know that this is a serious oversimplification, and Pan is quick to clarify that "shy introvert" isn't redundant and that there are such things as gregarious introverts. Without weighing down her memoir or writing a mimic of the enlightening must-read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, she gets across that introversion and extroversion aren't choices but instead personality traits (that most experts believe are innate but that also fall on a spectrum). Her goal with her "year of saying yes" wasn't to "become" an extrovert but instead nudge herself a little farther toward extrovert on the spectrum to see whether she could be happier.
I do take issue with Pan's use of the word "extroverting," especially given that she understands introversion and extroversion aren't traits one can switch on and off at will. "Extroversion" converted into the made-up verb "extroverting," has a way of trivializing a core personality trait by making it sound like a choice; it becomes something superficial that you do instead of being the foundational trait you just happen to have. It also wasn't truly necessary for Pan to say "extroverting" in the first place. She could have said "acting like an extrovert," or "acting more outgoing" and communicated her message just as well.
This year of acting like an extrovert wasn't done in baby steps, as the title seems to suggest. A year of saying yes for introverts could be that instead of saying no to invitations, they say yes to all. That's not this book. Pan linked "extrovert" and "extreme." She had an exhausting year participating in all kinds of activities that were, at best, a bad dream and at worst, unending, vivid nightmares for all introverts (and a fair number of extroverts, for that matter). On the bad-dream end: saying yes to the networking events she always dreaded so much. The nightmares, to name two: saying yes to performing stand-up comedy and improv and to going on a guidebook-free solo trip to a mystery city. The anxiety was overwhelming, and to help (and add a little intellectual heft to this memoir) she consulted an expert or two for each activity. As she discovered, following their advice helped a lot, and Pan ended up finding most of the experiences so rewarding that she has continued with them. Even those she was less than enthusiastic about benefited her in some way.
As an introvert, I felt dread for Pan and then admiration when she finished each personal challenge. Yes, she did this for a stunt memoir and so writing the memoir was motivation, but she didn't have to write this book, and she could have started with baby steps. She's someone who not only rises to a challenge but will seek one out:
Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come is valuable as some proof that extroversion and introversion lie on a spectrum. As Carl Jung (not so sensitively) said, "There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert—such a man would be in the lunatic asylum." But this is mainly about one woman's experience and is undeniably a stunt memoir. Anyone interested in doing what Pan did could certainly use this book as a guide, but guidebook isn't its primary identity. In this way it differs from two helpful stunt memoirs, This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live and The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. From those I took to heart a few things and added them to my life. Nothing about Pan's experience is something I'd apply to my life, but it does provide food for thought here and there. I enjoyed it as a funny, sincere, often cringe-worthy read, more than happy to read about Pan's nightmares and not experience them myself.
Journalist Jessica Pan fully embraced her introversion but suffered from crippling social anxiety that was hurting her quality of life. Circumstances had left her with only one close friend (most recently, her husband; in the past, a cat), and she avoided any situation that would trigger anxiety or push her out of her comfort zone. Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come is about her year of what could be called "introvert exposure therapy." It was one year of "saying yes," as the subtitle says (or "extroverting," as she puts it) to some activities she always avoided and some new ones that terrified her.
Anyone who's been paying attention knows that embracing introversion has become trendy. Discussion of introversion is healthier than ever, as more and more people come to understand that introversion isn't a flaw. More is written about it, both seriously and in cutesy ways. Pro-introvert memes and message tees abound. It's not as taboo to say you just don’t feel like going to that party. It's a little less frowned upon to cancel at the last minute if your introvert spirit moves you. But there's a drawback to the pro-introvert trendiness that I was glad to see Pan voice: "I had taken my introvert status as a license to wall myself off from others." Humans are social animals. Introverts should be careful to say yes some of the time. By publishing this book Pan participates in the pro-introvert trend but with a new, needed message.
Pan describes herself specifically as a "shintrovert," a portmanteau of "shy introvert" that she coined. From the moment introversion and extroversion were recognized as personality traits, introversion has been incorrectly, and derogatorily, used as a synonym for "shyness." Those who've read about introversion in depth know that this is a serious oversimplification, and Pan is quick to clarify that "shy introvert" isn't redundant and that there are such things as gregarious introverts. Without weighing down her memoir or writing a mimic of the enlightening must-read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, she gets across that introversion and extroversion aren't choices but instead personality traits (that most experts believe are innate but that also fall on a spectrum). Her goal with her "year of saying yes" wasn't to "become" an extrovert but instead nudge herself a little farther toward extrovert on the spectrum to see whether she could be happier.
I do take issue with Pan's use of the word "extroverting," especially given that she understands introversion and extroversion aren't traits one can switch on and off at will. "Extroversion" converted into the made-up verb "extroverting," has a way of trivializing a core personality trait by making it sound like a choice; it becomes something superficial that you do instead of being the foundational trait you just happen to have. It also wasn't truly necessary for Pan to say "extroverting" in the first place. She could have said "acting like an extrovert," or "acting more outgoing" and communicated her message just as well.
This year of acting like an extrovert wasn't done in baby steps, as the title seems to suggest. A year of saying yes for introverts could be that instead of saying no to invitations, they say yes to all. That's not this book. Pan linked "extrovert" and "extreme." She had an exhausting year participating in all kinds of activities that were, at best, a bad dream and at worst, unending, vivid nightmares for all introverts (and a fair number of extroverts, for that matter). On the bad-dream end: saying yes to the networking events she always dreaded so much. The nightmares, to name two: saying yes to performing stand-up comedy and improv and to going on a guidebook-free solo trip to a mystery city. The anxiety was overwhelming, and to help (and add a little intellectual heft to this memoir) she consulted an expert or two for each activity. As she discovered, following their advice helped a lot, and Pan ended up finding most of the experiences so rewarding that she has continued with them. Even those she was less than enthusiastic about benefited her in some way.
As an introvert, I felt dread for Pan and then admiration when she finished each personal challenge. Yes, she did this for a stunt memoir and so writing the memoir was motivation, but she didn't have to write this book, and she could have started with baby steps. She's someone who not only rises to a challenge but will seek one out:
Finding my voice and challenging myself to do intimidating things made me feel more confident. This is priceless in a world that can be scary, maddening, and unfair. When there are fewer things we are scared of and fewer things that can control us, this can only be a good thing.One would have to make a committed effort to dislike Pan. Despite successfully completing many daunting tasks during her experimental year, she never got high on herself. Her tone is friendly and vulnerable. In a part where she talks about forging true, lasting friendships, she explains what most people have probably observed: that a feature of really close friendships is that the friends engage in "Deep Talk." This is as opposed to "Surface Talk" (aka "small talk"). Surface Talk is easiest and what most people naturally slip into, unrewarding conversation meant to fill awkward silence. Surface Talk will earn someone an acquaintance; Deep Talk will earn someone a best friend. But for Deep Talk to lead to that best friendship, both people have to engage in it, and regularly. For years Pan had been frustrated by Surface Talk (like most of us, going by how many people claim to hate small talk), and in addition to practicing Deep Talk as part of her experimental year, she shares Deep Talk in this book. She makes it easy to feel close to her.
Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come is valuable as some proof that extroversion and introversion lie on a spectrum. As Carl Jung (not so sensitively) said, "There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert—such a man would be in the lunatic asylum." But this is mainly about one woman's experience and is undeniably a stunt memoir. Anyone interested in doing what Pan did could certainly use this book as a guide, but guidebook isn't its primary identity. In this way it differs from two helpful stunt memoirs, This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live and The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. From those I took to heart a few things and added them to my life. Nothing about Pan's experience is something I'd apply to my life, but it does provide food for thought here and there. I enjoyed it as a funny, sincere, often cringe-worthy read, more than happy to read about Pan's nightmares and not experience them myself.
July 26, 2020
Every once in awhile, a book comes along that you weren't looking for and didn't know you needed in your life. This was one of those books for me. The author, Jessica Pan, a life-long socially anxious, shy introvert (or "shintrovert" as she calls herself) decides to take stock of her life after all her more extroverted close friends move away, and she sees all the opportunities that keep opening up for them. Left to decide whether she wants her life to be "bigger" or stay safe hiding behind the walls of her introversion, she decides to go on a year-long quest to live her life like an extrovert and seek out or embrace opportunities that she would normally avoid. This leads her to getting help from a number of experts along the way, who give her the philosophies and framework she needs to pursue each of her new adventures, which include: talking to complete strangers, taking improv classes, going to job networking events, joining a friendship "dating" app, travelling alone, doing stand up comedy, and hosting a Thanksgiving dinner party for a ragtag group of relatively new friends. You know ... the stuff of nightmares for most introverts. Along the way, the author discovers that there are aspects of extroversion that she can incorporate into her life that actually make life more enjoyable for her, without rejecting her natural identity as an introvert.
If you're an introvert, like me, the very thought of doing some of the things she did during her year-long experiment will make you break out into a cold-sweat or stare at the pages in horror, as if someone just told you that the only way to happiness was to stand on a street corner naked, while singing your favorite song. (Be assured - at no point does singing nude in public ever enter the conversation.) This book will challenge you, though, and likely make you uncomfortable at times, if social anxiety is an issue for you, or if you interpret the author's intent as saying introversion is bad and you won't be happy until you learn to be an extrovert. The thing I ultimately liked about the book is that Ms. Pan isn't encouraging readers to lose their identity as introverts and become something they're not. That's generally something we're born with, and we should embrace all the unique qualities and strengths that come with it. What she is saying, is that we all have room to grow if we want to, and sometimes that involves thinking outside the box of limits we impose on ourselves by saying, "this is just who I am". The reverse could equally be applied to extroverts who might find that there's as much fulfillment in one or two close, intimate friendships or an occasional quiet, reflective night at home, as there is in a crowded music venue or a social media account overflowing with friends and followers. The author challenged herself to try new things, and through it, opened her life to new friendships and opportunities she might otherwise not have experienced. For those who might be grappling with loneliness or a sense that there's more to life they might want to experience, this may be just the motivation you need to challenge your assumptions about yourself and embrace new things - even if it scares you a little.
★★★★ ½ Stars
If you're an introvert, like me, the very thought of doing some of the things she did during her year-long experiment will make you break out into a cold-sweat or stare at the pages in horror, as if someone just told you that the only way to happiness was to stand on a street corner naked, while singing your favorite song. (Be assured - at no point does singing nude in public ever enter the conversation.) This book will challenge you, though, and likely make you uncomfortable at times, if social anxiety is an issue for you, or if you interpret the author's intent as saying introversion is bad and you won't be happy until you learn to be an extrovert. The thing I ultimately liked about the book is that Ms. Pan isn't encouraging readers to lose their identity as introverts and become something they're not. That's generally something we're born with, and we should embrace all the unique qualities and strengths that come with it. What she is saying, is that we all have room to grow if we want to, and sometimes that involves thinking outside the box of limits we impose on ourselves by saying, "this is just who I am". The reverse could equally be applied to extroverts who might find that there's as much fulfillment in one or two close, intimate friendships or an occasional quiet, reflective night at home, as there is in a crowded music venue or a social media account overflowing with friends and followers. The author challenged herself to try new things, and through it, opened her life to new friendships and opportunities she might otherwise not have experienced. For those who might be grappling with loneliness or a sense that there's more to life they might want to experience, this may be just the motivation you need to challenge your assumptions about yourself and embrace new things - even if it scares you a little.
★★★★ ½ Stars
July 27, 2020
I was intrigued by the concept of this book and have been wanting to read it for some time. Going in, I expected it to bear similarities to the movie Yes Man, where Jim Carrey’s character has to say Yes to every invitation he receives after attending an inspirational seminar.
However, Jessica Pan’s journey from ‘shintrovert’ (shy introvert) to grintrovert (gregarious introvert), both terms coined by Pan, felt more like a vehicle for an extended exploration of her latent interest in comedy. The book spends a lot of time discussing her venture into the world of improv before eventually dabbling in stand-up. There are plenty of interesting anecdotes with friends she makes along the way and stories from Pan’s travels around the world, but unfortunately, this book was supposed to be funny and the author’s humor didn’t click with me personally.
I enjoyed gaining new perspective on what it is like to be an extrovert, but I didn’t have quite the takeaway I was expecting by the end of the book. However, if you are any sort of introvert and interested in exploring life outside of your norm, I would still recommend reading about Pan’s experiences, just to see for yourself what life might be like! 3.5 ⭐️
However, Jessica Pan’s journey from ‘shintrovert’ (shy introvert) to grintrovert (gregarious introvert), both terms coined by Pan, felt more like a vehicle for an extended exploration of her latent interest in comedy. The book spends a lot of time discussing her venture into the world of improv before eventually dabbling in stand-up. There are plenty of interesting anecdotes with friends she makes along the way and stories from Pan’s travels around the world, but unfortunately, this book was supposed to be funny and the author’s humor didn’t click with me personally.
I enjoyed gaining new perspective on what it is like to be an extrovert, but I didn’t have quite the takeaway I was expecting by the end of the book. However, if you are any sort of introvert and interested in exploring life outside of your norm, I would still recommend reading about Pan’s experiences, just to see for yourself what life might be like! 3.5 ⭐️
June 21, 2022
Had this been "an extrovert with social anxiety's year of living dangerously" it probably would have been bang on. Although I probably wouldn't have picked it up.
I don't believe the author is an introvert, making this book nonsensical and irritating to the introverts who were led to believe they were the target audience.
DNF @19%
I don't believe the author is an introvert, making this book nonsensical and irritating to the introverts who were led to believe they were the target audience.
DNF @19%
August 20, 2019
I absolutely loved this!
Even though I am not a shy introvert but a “normal” introvert, this was super relatable. The writing is fun and easy to read, and I had to laugh out loud while reading certain paragraphs.
With regards to genre, I would put this somewhere between self-help and an autobiography/memoir. This setup can be very hit and miss for me, but in this case it turned out great.
I am now very curious about Jessica Pan’s other book and will probably pick it up in the future.
Even though I am not a shy introvert but a “normal” introvert, this was super relatable. The writing is fun and easy to read, and I had to laugh out loud while reading certain paragraphs.
With regards to genre, I would put this somewhere between self-help and an autobiography/memoir. This setup can be very hit and miss for me, but in this case it turned out great.
I am now very curious about Jessica Pan’s other book and will probably pick it up in the future.
November 11, 2019
I really wanted to like this. Less relatable than I had hoped. More irritating than I could handle.
January 29, 2021
I am an introvert so this book made me feel heard and not alone! I loved hearing the progress of her journey. I did listen this to audio and she did an awesome job!
May 20, 2019
This is a tricky one to review, in that Jessica Pan's writing is quite good in an informal, chatty, magazine style and is clearly well researched - but I'm not really sure about the concept.
The synopsis is: "An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way..." In a time where we have had Susan Cain's book "Quiet", which Pan even makes reference to, it seems a shame that introverts still feel they need to try to be something they're not (i.e. more extroverted) in order to be happy. (And where's the parallel title where an extrovert spends a year saying no and learning the pleasures of solitude?) Nonetheless, as an introvert myself, I was intrigued to learn more about her experiment.
It was cool to read about Pan using Bumble BFF as I actually met one of my BFFs (hi Donna!) through this app. Although I value plenty of 'me-time' it's still important to me to have social connection (preferably on a one-to-one basis) but it's hard to make new friends as an introverted adult. I think this platonic Tinder-esque platform is actually a great way for introverts to make friends as you get to read the person's bio, see if you have something in common, and do some online chatting before meeting in person.
Whilst Pan struggled with it, I actually like solo travel (although I'd find it a nightmare doing it without a guide book and extensive pre-planning!) and I'd be ok hosting a dinner party of friends - as she discovered, hosts get plenty of time to hide in the kitchen for respite!
However, the idea of going to big networking events, and doing improv and stand up is nightmarish to me, and indeed whilst Pan gains some self-understanding through these, the negative effect on her mental health makes me question whether it was really worth it.
Overall, the book has some helpful advice if you're a shy extrovert (they do exist) or an ambivert, but I don't think it's really that beneficial to true introverts.
The synopsis is: "An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way..." In a time where we have had Susan Cain's book "Quiet", which Pan even makes reference to, it seems a shame that introverts still feel they need to try to be something they're not (i.e. more extroverted) in order to be happy. (And where's the parallel title where an extrovert spends a year saying no and learning the pleasures of solitude?) Nonetheless, as an introvert myself, I was intrigued to learn more about her experiment.
It was cool to read about Pan using Bumble BFF as I actually met one of my BFFs (hi Donna!) through this app. Although I value plenty of 'me-time' it's still important to me to have social connection (preferably on a one-to-one basis) but it's hard to make new friends as an introverted adult. I think this platonic Tinder-esque platform is actually a great way for introverts to make friends as you get to read the person's bio, see if you have something in common, and do some online chatting before meeting in person.
Whilst Pan struggled with it, I actually like solo travel (although I'd find it a nightmare doing it without a guide book and extensive pre-planning!) and I'd be ok hosting a dinner party of friends - as she discovered, hosts get plenty of time to hide in the kitchen for respite!
However, the idea of going to big networking events, and doing improv and stand up is nightmarish to me, and indeed whilst Pan gains some self-understanding through these, the negative effect on her mental health makes me question whether it was really worth it.
Overall, the book has some helpful advice if you're a shy extrovert (they do exist) or an ambivert, but I don't think it's really that beneficial to true introverts.
May 6, 2019
This is the EXACTLY the book I needed.
I don't think I have ever written a book, but reading this one makes me think I have. I too am a 30 something, shy, introverted, small town Texas girl who has no idea how to have a conversation (that doesn't involve ghosts or dogs) or make friends. I'm not Chinese, Aries or named Jessica (Pan) but I would have been if my cousin hadn't been born first, forcing my Mom to "get creative" and name me Jennifer (Ann) instead. The title of this book caught my attention, because SAME, but I had no idea just how relatable it was going to be! There were SO many times I caught myself nodding along enthusiastically or cringing at how awful some of these experiences she was forcing herself to have were, and just laughing out loud. Literally. I have finished this book inspired to go on an extrovert journey of my own - not today - but maybe someday soon I will be as brave as Jessica is.
I was lucky enough to be provided this ARC in exchange for an honest and unbiased review via Netgalley. All opinions are genuine and my own.
I don't think I have ever written a book, but reading this one makes me think I have. I too am a 30 something, shy, introverted, small town Texas girl who has no idea how to have a conversation (that doesn't involve ghosts or dogs) or make friends. I'm not Chinese, Aries or named Jessica (Pan) but I would have been if my cousin hadn't been born first, forcing my Mom to "get creative" and name me Jennifer (Ann) instead. The title of this book caught my attention, because SAME, but I had no idea just how relatable it was going to be! There were SO many times I caught myself nodding along enthusiastically or cringing at how awful some of these experiences she was forcing herself to have were, and just laughing out loud. Literally. I have finished this book inspired to go on an extrovert journey of my own - not today - but maybe someday soon I will be as brave as Jessica is.
I was lucky enough to be provided this ARC in exchange for an honest and unbiased review via Netgalley. All opinions are genuine and my own.
August 21, 2019
*thank you to to Netgalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*
3 stars.
As an introvert I thought that this would be right up my alley. And to some degree it was. I could relate to certain parts of it but there was still a lot that made me realise just how much of an introvert I am as I felt that the people in these short stories were more outgoing than I am, so for that reason there was a lot that didn't interest me or that I could relate to. Still it had parts that made me smile and it was quite well written. I really really like the name for this book. It's one of my favourite sayings. This collection of short stories I can see being a hit for a lot of people. It's just unfortunately isn't for me so much but it's still a good read.
3 stars.
As an introvert I thought that this would be right up my alley. And to some degree it was. I could relate to certain parts of it but there was still a lot that made me realise just how much of an introvert I am as I felt that the people in these short stories were more outgoing than I am, so for that reason there was a lot that didn't interest me or that I could relate to. Still it had parts that made me smile and it was quite well written. I really really like the name for this book. It's one of my favourite sayings. This collection of short stories I can see being a hit for a lot of people. It's just unfortunately isn't for me so much but it's still a good read.
May 28, 2019
Ahoy there me mateys! I received this memoir eARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. So here be me honest musings . . .
Okay so I be an introvert from an entire family of very extroverted people. The ma can meet and talk to anyone and makes life-long friends everywhere she goes. Me sis loves parties and tons of people hanging out at her house. I be a tough ol' salt who has a withering glare, a distaste for crowds, and a cutless for prodding if ye get too close. And yet I be the weird one. Bah! As I grown older and even more set in me ways, I like nothing more than long nights at sea with me book and me bunk and the peace of the waves. So when I saw this title it made me laugh and I had to give it a go.
And the author's journey is hell, pure and simple. I was impressed. I can talk to strangers if I must. Though the sails end up tattered and all hope was nearly lost, I have survived public speaking engagements. A Captain must do such things or face mutiny. But doing improv or performing stand-up comedy. I would rather slit me own throat. I am an introvert who despises having to force extrovertedness at all costs. Only for survival mateys!
I ended up having a decent time reading this one. I certainly found the first half of the book much more to me taste then the second half. I feel that the latter part of her year seemed to be discussed in less detail. It was less about the interesting people she met and more about the social situations liking traveling alone or taking magic mushrooms or more comedy nights. I have no interest in the mushrooms and no problems traveling alone. So I did get a bit bored. But ultimately I applaud this kindred introvert and her pluck. Congrats matey. I raise me grog in toast. Arrrr!
So lastly . . .
Thank you Andrews McMeel Publishing!
Side note: for the large majority of introverts on me crew, if ye haven't read quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking then I suggest giving it a gander!
Okay so I be an introvert from an entire family of very extroverted people. The ma can meet and talk to anyone and makes life-long friends everywhere she goes. Me sis loves parties and tons of people hanging out at her house. I be a tough ol' salt who has a withering glare, a distaste for crowds, and a cutless for prodding if ye get too close. And yet I be the weird one. Bah! As I grown older and even more set in me ways, I like nothing more than long nights at sea with me book and me bunk and the peace of the waves. So when I saw this title it made me laugh and I had to give it a go.
And the author's journey is hell, pure and simple. I was impressed. I can talk to strangers if I must. Though the sails end up tattered and all hope was nearly lost, I have survived public speaking engagements. A Captain must do such things or face mutiny. But doing improv or performing stand-up comedy. I would rather slit me own throat. I am an introvert who despises having to force extrovertedness at all costs. Only for survival mateys!
I ended up having a decent time reading this one. I certainly found the first half of the book much more to me taste then the second half. I feel that the latter part of her year seemed to be discussed in less detail. It was less about the interesting people she met and more about the social situations liking traveling alone or taking magic mushrooms or more comedy nights. I have no interest in the mushrooms and no problems traveling alone. So I did get a bit bored. But ultimately I applaud this kindred introvert and her pluck. Congrats matey. I raise me grog in toast. Arrrr!
So lastly . . .
Thank you Andrews McMeel Publishing!
Side note: for the large majority of introverts on me crew, if ye haven't read quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking then I suggest giving it a gander!
August 25, 2019
Boring and overly dramatic, this was really hard to get through.
The writing was really bad, everything had to be explained in extreme, often ridiculous ways.
Also, if you listen to the audiobook, you get a condescending little speech at the beginning stating that if you are not British, you might want to watch British tv shows before reading the UK book version otherwise you might not understand a few words. Wow, I guess we are too dumb to guess the meaning (of really simple words) by reading the sentence, or google the word. This book is NOT a masterpiece okay, I think people will survive not being 100% familiar with a handful of words. But thanks for assuming and being patronizing. If they tried to be funny, they failed.
Anyway, I thought this would dive deeper into what it feels like to be an introvert stepping outside the comfort zone, but it was mostly about impro classes and comedy nights. I did not relate nor connect with this book and the personality of the author. In the end, it's a very disappointing read that brings nothing new to the table, it barely makes you feel understood as a fellow introvert either, it's just not good and pointless.
The writing was really bad, everything had to be explained in extreme, often ridiculous ways.
Also, if you listen to the audiobook, you get a condescending little speech at the beginning stating that if you are not British, you might want to watch British tv shows before reading the UK book version otherwise you might not understand a few words. Wow, I guess we are too dumb to guess the meaning (of really simple words) by reading the sentence, or google the word. This book is NOT a masterpiece okay, I think people will survive not being 100% familiar with a handful of words. But thanks for assuming and being patronizing. If they tried to be funny, they failed.
Anyway, I thought this would dive deeper into what it feels like to be an introvert stepping outside the comfort zone, but it was mostly about impro classes and comedy nights. I did not relate nor connect with this book and the personality of the author. In the end, it's a very disappointing read that brings nothing new to the table, it barely makes you feel understood as a fellow introvert either, it's just not good and pointless.
Want to read
May 8, 2019I was totally intrigued when I saw the title of this book. I am a social introvert and I enjoyed this lighthearted but relatable non-fiction book that read like an engaging novel.
As a shy introvert frequently known as a "shintrovert", Jessica Pan decided to take a year to step out of her shell and enter the "extroverted world". After a family crisis in her family turned into a light bulb moment she realized she was lacking in the friend's department. She decided to take this time to focus on connecting with new people who might just turn into the good friends she was hoping for in her own life.
She shares her trials and tribulations and also the things she learned along the way...many of which, pleasantly surprised her. This book was insightful and humorous and if this title catches your eye, you might enjoy it too!
Thank you to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
As a shy introvert frequently known as a "shintrovert", Jessica Pan decided to take a year to step out of her shell and enter the "extroverted world". After a family crisis in her family turned into a light bulb moment she realized she was lacking in the friend's department. She decided to take this time to focus on connecting with new people who might just turn into the good friends she was hoping for in her own life.
She shares her trials and tribulations and also the things she learned along the way...many of which, pleasantly surprised her. This book was insightful and humorous and if this title catches your eye, you might enjoy it too!
Thank you to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
July 7, 2019
This book was at turns hilarious and caused much head-nodding by this reader in agreement and wonder. Yes, apparently many people think and feel the same way about various social interactions. It is always a comfort to realize you are not the only one to feel a certain way.
This author may not be a natural at stand-up comedy, BUT she completely blew me away with her writing. I understand that some of that credit goes to editors, Beta-readers, etc., but the meat of the book is HER. And she is friggin' hysterical. Or at the very least, can tell a story that would be humiliating with inner snarky monologue that makes it funny enough to read and laugh and not cringe and put the book down as carefully as possible to pretend that you didn't just read that.
I honestly still have quotes from the book floating in my head and they pop up at random times to make me smile or laugh.
This book was a brave endeavor by a very introverted women who wanted to see if she could live differently and still respect her boundaries, to see what boundaries she needed to be comfortable and happy and what she should move, change, or do away with altogether. She had/has guts and I respect her for that. I wouldn't have done a good portion of what she did, but I respect that she did it and that she seems to be happier now.
This was an amazingly funny and insightful book. I highly recommend it to just about everyone, those who are introverts and extroverts. It doesn't matter which you are, since most people are a mix, it would be very surprising if you didn't see a bit of yourself in her struggles and triumphs. A very human book.
5, introspective and funny, stars. Worth the read, definitely!
My thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for an eARC copy of this book to read and review.
This author may not be a natural at stand-up comedy, BUT she completely blew me away with her writing. I understand that some of that credit goes to editors, Beta-readers, etc., but the meat of the book is HER. And she is friggin' hysterical. Or at the very least, can tell a story that would be humiliating with inner snarky monologue that makes it funny enough to read and laugh and not cringe and put the book down as carefully as possible to pretend that you didn't just read that.
I honestly still have quotes from the book floating in my head and they pop up at random times to make me smile or laugh.
This book was a brave endeavor by a very introverted women who wanted to see if she could live differently and still respect her boundaries, to see what boundaries she needed to be comfortable and happy and what she should move, change, or do away with altogether. She had/has guts and I respect her for that. I wouldn't have done a good portion of what she did, but I respect that she did it and that she seems to be happier now.
This was an amazingly funny and insightful book. I highly recommend it to just about everyone, those who are introverts and extroverts. It doesn't matter which you are, since most people are a mix, it would be very surprising if you didn't see a bit of yourself in her struggles and triumphs. A very human book.
5, introspective and funny, stars. Worth the read, definitely!
My thanks to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for an eARC copy of this book to read and review.
September 6, 2019
This review has been delayed by four days thanks to a) the distraction of Brexit mayhem, and b) having three visitors (two humans, one husky) to stay, but this is no reflection upon the book. I thoroughly enjoyed Jessica Pan’s voyage into the unfamiliar world of extroversion. After finding herself lonely in London because all her friends had moved away, she decided to spend a year trying practically everything that seems scary and off-putting to a shy introvert. She recounts in engaging and very funny style her adventures with stand-up comedy, networking events, friend-dating, and even... improv:
Although I enjoyed the book as a hilarious memoir of absurd personal anecdotes, it was also thought-provoking and at times really quite moving. I’d expected to think Pan was brave but deranged for trying all these ostensibly awful social activities, when she could have just kept reading on the sofa (like me). Yet I finished the book feeling cautiously inspired and a bit guilty for my own lack of effort to be less of a shy introvert. Not only do I avoid new activities (alarming) and new people (exhausting), but I struggle to manage Deep Talk even with those I’ve known for years. My typical conversation topics are: The Vicissitudes of Employment, Such Weather Lately, Transport Systems Are Sent To Try Us, and That Reminds Me Of A Book I Recently Read. My idea of Deep Talk is more Capitalism Dooms Us All than anything to do with feelings. It’s difficult to be emotionally vulnerable yourself and much easier to listen sympathetically while others talk, yet also important so as not to feel lonely.
Pan’s adventures meeting new people and pushing her comfort zone are a reminder that beliefs about ourselves can be imprisoning. I may be a shy introvert, but I lecture students for a living. 12 years ago I was terrified of giving presentations; with practise I've got used to it, although it's still tiring. There are probably other social things I could become better at with effort and practise, particularly networking. (I fucking hate networking.) The appeal of improv remains mysterious, but talking to strangers seems perhaps very slightly less scary after reading this wholly delightful book.
’What’s the best way to meet more people?’
I posted this question on Facebook, vowing that I would do whatever people suggested. You know. Crowd-sourcing. Hive mind. Tribe. The masses. My community would give me brilliant ideas that would change my life.
Then some arsehole in the tribe replied with, ‘Improv comedy’.
Is there a phrase that carries a greater sense of dread than ‘improv comedy’? That is guaranteed to make people scream in horror when you mention it at parties? Only ‘Gwyneth’s jade egg’ or ‘cash only’ can compare.
[...]
But I think people really can’t stand it for another reason. And it’s this: while watching a regional comedy troupe acting out an Uber journey through Nudist Narnia, they observe the performers’ joyous, earnest expressions. The audience sees how genuinely happy and safe they feel in their whimsy. And they think the same thing I do:
Your vigour for life appals me.
Although I enjoyed the book as a hilarious memoir of absurd personal anecdotes, it was also thought-provoking and at times really quite moving. I’d expected to think Pan was brave but deranged for trying all these ostensibly awful social activities, when she could have just kept reading on the sofa (like me). Yet I finished the book feeling cautiously inspired and a bit guilty for my own lack of effort to be less of a shy introvert. Not only do I avoid new activities (alarming) and new people (exhausting), but I struggle to manage Deep Talk even with those I’ve known for years. My typical conversation topics are: The Vicissitudes of Employment, Such Weather Lately, Transport Systems Are Sent To Try Us, and That Reminds Me Of A Book I Recently Read. My idea of Deep Talk is more Capitalism Dooms Us All than anything to do with feelings. It’s difficult to be emotionally vulnerable yourself and much easier to listen sympathetically while others talk, yet also important so as not to feel lonely.
Pan’s adventures meeting new people and pushing her comfort zone are a reminder that beliefs about ourselves can be imprisoning. I may be a shy introvert, but I lecture students for a living. 12 years ago I was terrified of giving presentations; with practise I've got used to it, although it's still tiring. There are probably other social things I could become better at with effort and practise, particularly networking. (I fucking hate networking.) The appeal of improv remains mysterious, but talking to strangers seems perhaps very slightly less scary after reading this wholly delightful book.
November 5, 2021
This book is my favorite non-fiction of the year, hands down. I checked it out from my library and started highlighting/screenshotting away, immediately knowing I had to purchase a physical copy of it. I finished it in 12 hours… including me going to bed and sleeping in the middle of that.
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is the journey of one introvert going, “what would happen if I didn’t spend all my time alone at home?”
While at times overly quippy, Jessica Pan paints a picture that’s so familiar to me - a woman whose life is good/great but missing something. A woman who is held back by irrational fears and other people’s opinions.
I was reading it in complete fascination and - at times - horror. Going up to people on the street and asking them a purposefully stupid question (hers was asking who the Queen of England was… while living in England)? Absolutely not. A stand up show? I may vomit. Improv classes? The horror.
And yet she did them, emphasizing how much she hated it at the time / leading up to it, and she… survived. She learned something. She met people. She made friends.
Each chapter is a succinctly framed story and I loved how she segmented them and called back to older chapters/people later. The end was perfect - that she wanted to close out the year on a big, theatrical bang and had “American Thanksgiving” in England. (Haven’t we all wished for a Friendsgiving?)
I related so hard to Jessica, and I think a lot of introverts can. And am I planning my own year of saying yes? Maybe, but do not expect me to put stand up comedy on there.
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is the journey of one introvert going, “what would happen if I didn’t spend all my time alone at home?”
While at times overly quippy, Jessica Pan paints a picture that’s so familiar to me - a woman whose life is good/great but missing something. A woman who is held back by irrational fears and other people’s opinions.
I was reading it in complete fascination and - at times - horror. Going up to people on the street and asking them a purposefully stupid question (hers was asking who the Queen of England was… while living in England)? Absolutely not. A stand up show? I may vomit. Improv classes? The horror.
And yet she did them, emphasizing how much she hated it at the time / leading up to it, and she… survived. She learned something. She met people. She made friends.
Each chapter is a succinctly framed story and I loved how she segmented them and called back to older chapters/people later. The end was perfect - that she wanted to close out the year on a big, theatrical bang and had “American Thanksgiving” in England. (Haven’t we all wished for a Friendsgiving?)
I related so hard to Jessica, and I think a lot of introverts can. And am I planning my own year of saying yes? Maybe, but do not expect me to put stand up comedy on there.
February 1, 2021
I really enjoyed this book! In a funny and sometimes self-deprecating manner, Jessica Pan recaps her experience of living life as an extrovert. She has a lot of introvert experiences to draw from, so her book is packed with anecdotes and advice. This book reminded me of Year of Yes, which is another book I've read and enjoyed.
I listened to the audiobook because it's narrated by the author, and I highly recommend it.
I listened to the audiobook because it's narrated by the author, and I highly recommend it.
April 28, 2019
Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come
One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes
by Jessica Pan
This is a book I requested from NetGalley and the review is voluntary.
This is a witty and clever book that I enjoyed reading. I can say relate to some of it. It has humor and is a good feeling book. I did find she repeated herself a lot. Worth the read.
One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes
by Jessica Pan
This is a book I requested from NetGalley and the review is voluntary.
This is a witty and clever book that I enjoyed reading. I can say relate to some of it. It has humor and is a good feeling book. I did find she repeated herself a lot. Worth the read.
February 10, 2023
Jessica Pan finds herself living in a new country with no job and no friends. She blames her troubles on being introverted, and she sets out on a quest to become more social and happier.
I am a big fan of books in which people set out to become better, research how to do so, and then accomplish the task. And that's the story in this book. In the process of reading the book, I learned a lot about human nature, including "People don't wave, but people wave back," as well as the importance of deep conversations over small talk. Very fun and very helpful.
I am a big fan of books in which people set out to become better, research how to do so, and then accomplish the task. And that's the story in this book. In the process of reading the book, I learned a lot about human nature, including "People don't wave, but people wave back," as well as the importance of deep conversations over small talk. Very fun and very helpful.
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