“When we are weary, we speak lovingly of dreams as if they embodied our true desires”
Spoilers...duh
Right now, I’m letting out a loud groan. That is all I really can do thinking about this book. Well, I could give you a very impressive eye roll as well. Or I pull out some of my hair.
This was actually my first Anne Rice book ever. I always wanted to start with the Vampire Chronicles, because I really like the movie adaptation from Interview with the Vampire (it is one of the few movies I actually don’t mind Tom Cruise) and because a good friend of mine really enjoys the series. But blame it on the Book Gods up there or something, I started with this one…and it made me question if I actually wanna give her other books a go or not.
I got this one for free and even if the ending tricks you into believing it is actually part of a series, it is a standalone book and I actually believed it maybe would be better to start with something that is not part of a giant series. Sometimes my ideas are bad. Also, free books are bad as well (sometimes…).
Writing. It is not that I dislike the writing. It is more that sometimes I found it unintentionally funny. This book basically read like a bad, bad daily soap or at least how I would imagine a novelized version of a script from a bad, bad daily soap. Very short sentences that didn’t feel like they belong anywhere, jumps between action and different POV’s so clumsily done that you actually can only raise an eyebrow and dialogues so flat, cheesy and unrealistic that suddenly even the dialogues from The Spice Girls movie makes more sense.
I read somewhere that this was originally planned as a movie script, which probably would’ve made more sense. It would at least explain the weird “cuts” between scenes and parts of the dialogue. Also this book is divided into two parts and a lot of it felt just made up as the story goes along, anything but planned really. So, again if that was originally shorter, intended for the big screen and not as a 400 page novel, it would make more sense. Not that I believe it would have been a good movie, it would have been some B or make that C romantic horror trash, but probably more amusing. Still, I prefer watching the movie with Brendan Fraser and the always lovely Rachel Weisz.
Story. Like I said before, this book is divided into two parts and therefore mostly into two plots…and a lot of weird subplots.
It actually starts very interesting. Hobby archeologist finds tomb of Pharaoh Ramses the 2nd or Ramses the damned, gets murdered by his evil nephew who is after the family’s money, his daughter inherits everything, nephew wants to murder daughter as well, mummy comes to life and saves her. So far, so good. But what actually happens then is basically just summed up with “stuff happens”.
There are so many different plots in this book that I got kinda lost. Not because they are too complicated, but because most of them are either dragged out, rushed, not very exciting or seem just to exist to make the book longer. The pacing is way off and so is the sense making.
The funny thing to me is that if the second part never happened and the main plot lines were resolved in the first, making the book about 200 hundred pages shorter, it could’ve worked. It still wouldn’t have been a great piece of literature, but at least it would’ve been more than just a messy theme park ride.
Sometimes simplicity works much better than complicated (or wannabe complicated) long stories. Why not just focus the story on Ramses adapting to modern London, falling in love with Julie (previously mentioned daughter) and them dealing with Evil Cousin Henry? Why the trip to Egypt, Julie’s lovesick puppy wannabe fiancé, his depressed dad and most of all Zombie Cleopatra (yes, Zombie Cleopatra, I shit you not)? The book would’ve benefited from a tighter, more personal story.
Oh, before I forget, let’s talk Genre for a bit. I heard people telling me how wonderful Anne Rice is with writing horror and a living mummy should be the perfect opportunity for that, right? RIGHT? There was no horror in this book. Fine, okay I can live with that. A Mummy story also gives a great opportunity for an adventure. There is no real sense of adventure here. Again fine...how about just using the mysticism of Ancient Egypt? Well…there is some…but not much. This book focuses mostly on romance, which would be fine, if the romance were written well. It is not.
Characters. Oh boy, those were something else. Like the story, the characters started out pretty interesting but it went downhill the more I got into the book.
Our titular Mummy Ramses, or Mr. Ramsay, is a hunk, to make it short. Yes, the creepy old mummy turned out to be a hot guy, intelligent (I think), over the top romantic and with a libido that can compete with bunnies. Oh yeah and he is immortal. What could’ve been a tragic, mysterious, complex anti-hero in a more serious fish out of water story, turned into the romantic lead of some Ancient Egypt soap opera. He was interesting at first, but his behavior, his know it all attitude, the very schmaltzy dialogue and his constant crying over his tortured love life made him simply annoying. He wasn’t “please bury him alive again – annoying” but he didn’t make me want to root for him either.
Julie is the one that really frustrated me. She had so much potential and started out great. Described as being at her most beautiful when looking serious, an independent woman that wants to stay on her own two feet and not get married just because society tell her two – bravo! If only she could’ve stayed that way. As soon as she meets Ramses her character changes into a lovesick idiot, whom cannot walk from one room to another without getting help from her super hot man. She constantly needs saving, is needy beyond help, cries her way through the story and is utterly useless all the time. She started out as somewhat of the main character and turns into the nagging girlfriend that cannot live without Ramses anymore. And oh is she stupid. She barely has human reactions to anything. Like for example, she knows her cousin killed her father and does nothing about it. She doesn’t tell her uncle, she doesn’t call the police and she doesn’t let Ramses just kill him, nope she basically waits around for bad karma to get him or fate or whatever. Point is, she changes so drastically throughout the book that she seems like an entirely different character.
The other characters are mostly caricatures of people. Henry is evil, treats women badly, drinks, has a gambling problem and well, he is a murder. He is so bad, he makes Tom Buchanan look like sunshine. Then there is Alex, Julie’s sort of boyfriend who desperately wants to marry her. He is like a lost puppy and seems pathetic for most of the book. His father Elliot is probably the most interesting character of them all and somehow even likeable. He is depressed, has problems with his age, is married to a woman even if he is secretly gay and misses his younger years. He is the only character with a certain depth. Then there is Samir. He is the Renfield to Ramses’ Dracula.
Of course when talking about characters, I have to talk about Cleopatra. Now comes the part where another deep sigh follows. The might Egyptian Queen becomes a sex obsessed Zombie with more psychological issues than any of the Kardashian’s combined. Instead of playing her story as a deep tragedy, she is just crazy. That’s it. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Romance. Remember when Twilight was published and a lot of people were accusing Stephanie Meyer of stealing from here and there and Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles were mentioned quite a few times? Yeah, I guess if she read one book by her, it was more likely this one.
Just think about it. Girl meets super hot, mysterious undead guy and falls in love at first sight. He loves her as well but fights his feelings for a while to protect her. Hormones rage. Undying eternal love after knowing each other basically for a few seconds. He struggles with the choice to make her immortal or not. Another powerful creature comes after them. She needs to be saved by him almost 24/7. He is her whole life, everything else doesn’t matter anymore. She is his whole life, everything else doesn’t matter anymore. One of them breaks up with the other, because it is for the best. Girl wants to kill herself rather than being without him, in the end everything turns out peachy.
You get what I mean, right? Take that and add a little bit more sex (because as well know in the World of most YA fiction sex is evil) and you have the perfect prototype for Edward and Bella.
The romance was terrible and the worst part of this book. Sadly, it was also the largest part.
Julie changed completely after meeting Ramses and became just all about him. And Ramses could barely make up his mind who he wanted to be with. Julie? Cleopatra? Well, he banged them both (funnily enough Julie never really said anything about that. Did she know? I can’t remember).
In the end Julie briefly breaks up with Ramses because she didn’t want to be immortal and realized their relationship wasn’t good for either of them and too much had happened. I was cheering, I wanted to applaud. It was great and unusual. Of course that single moment of awesomeness had to be destroyed in the next chapter. Julie realizes she can’t live without Ramses and wants to kill herself (which makes complete sense to everything she said before…) but Ramses of course saves her, gives her his magic potion of immortality and the live and screw each other forever and ever and ever.
How seriously f****d up is that?
Conclusion: I hope this is just the black sheep when it comes to Anne Rice’s works.
Recommendation: Not really, I mean it is worth a few good laughs.