ZERO STARS. I think this is the worst book I ever read. But who wasted precious hours to finish it?? Me, the idiot who insists to finish every book I start. I’m gonna tell you, in point form, what happens in this book:
- Ella goes to Starbucks while it’s being held up. Almost gets kidnapped and killed. She’s saved by Rowan, a gooooorgeous US Marshal who happens to be walking by, off duty. Albeit a life -threatening experience, the douche decides to ask this hottie on a date.
- Ella agrees to this date, even though she is leaving for Germany in 3 days to start her new life. What does Rowan say when he finds this out? “Lets make the best do the time we have, darlin’”. So they make loooooooove and fall in looooooooove and then she leaves.
- in Germany, Ella has the grandest time, ditches Rowan, parties and goes on a date with Hugo. Hugo tries to impress Ella by showing her the bomb that he has in his pocket. But it’s not assembled, so he’s not trying to kill her, helllooooo.
- Ella finds out that her grandfather was a general at Auschwitz and feels sad. She calls Rowan, leaves him a cryptic message that she needs him, goes for a walk, and then TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO THE YEAR 1620.
- Rowan looks for Ella in Germany, can’t find her obviously.
- Ella, in 1620, meets a nun named Greta. Greta looks at her and says “hey you travelled through time, me too! I’m from like the 1940’s” (I paraphrase)
- Greta and the other nuns are being hunted, raped, and killed by Axel Kruger, who’s just an asshole, and she needs help. So Ella goes back to 2012, gets the C4 bomb that Hugo conveniently forgot at her apartment, a taser, charges her cell phone and goes back to 1620. Rowan just misses her, gets wasted, feels sad, walks around and happens to travel through time to where Ella is. Super lucky.
- Together they devise a plan to discredit Axel, which includes using the taser, the C4 to bomb some bridge and create a diversion, shooting some guards with Rowan’s gun, showing some drunk lady a video on Ella’s cell phone. Throughout all this, Ella and Rowan have to get married because the nuns don’t like listening to them have sex out of wedlock. They can handle the moaning if they’re actually wed...apparently.
- They succeed! Some nuns died, some are safe. Ella saves Rowan from being burned at the stake for being a warlock, and they say buhbye to everyone and go back to 2012.
- Ella is saaaaaad, because she doesn’t know if they’re still, like, married?? So she goes to bed sad because Rowan decides he wants to check his emails (whatta jerk). He wakes her up, some horrible sex scene follows, and he admits that he was online looking up some crap and finds out that Greta is Ella’s aunt. And, he was planning their REAL wedding, because they’re gonna get married in their own time. Because they love each other, for reals y’all.
It’s worth mentioning that allllll of this story takes place over the span of like a month lol. Excuse my language, but what the fuck is this lol. To the author, whom I’m sorry for this review but come on, I doubt this is news, you must have smoked some awesome weed before writing this book, because there is no other explanation for this rubbish. Also, why is Ella telling someone that 2012 is 600 years after 1620? It’s simple math.
It’s so bad it’s laughable. Shhhtupidity. Who ever rates this anything more than 2 stars needs to get their heads checked.