Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

by Lori Gottlieb

Have compassion, have compassion, have compassion. I repeat my mantra, then refocus on John … and just then, something occurs to me: what John has been talking about sounds eerily familiar.

As a therapist, Lori knows a lot about pain, about the ways in which pain is tied to loss, and how change and loss travel together. She knows how affirming it feels to blame the outside world for her frustrations, to deny ownership of whatever role she might have in the existential play called My Incredibly Important Life. When a devastating event takes place in Lori’s life, she realises that, before being able to help her patients, she must first learn how to help herself.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is the story of an incredible relationship — between Lori, a therapist at a critical life juncture, and her own therapist, Wendell, a veteran therapist with an unconventional style. Through their sessions, Wendell teaches Lori how to become a better person and a better therapist, as she goes about the business of helping her own patients — the couple who are struggling after having a baby, the narcissist TV producer, the older woman who feels she has nothing to live for, the self-destructive alcoholic young woman, the terminally ill 35-year-old newlywed.

Taking place over one year, beginning with the devastating event that lands her in Wendell’s office, this is a rare and candid insight into a profession conventionally bound with rules and secrecy, told with charm and compassion, vulnerability and humour.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Self Help, Mental Health, Book Club, Audiobook

415 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 2, 2019

About the author

LORI GOTTLIEB is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE, which has sold nearly two million copies and is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she is co-host of the popular “DEAR THERAPISTS" PODCAST, which features real sessions with real people and offers actionable advice, and writes The Atlantic’s “Dear Therapist” advice column. She is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, CNN, and NPR and her TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year.

She is the creator of the Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Workbook: A Toolkit for Editing Your Story and Changing Your Life and the Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Journal: 52 Weekly Sessions to Transform Your Life.

Learn more at LoriGottlieb.com or by following her on Instagram @lorigottlieb_author and Twitter @LoriGottlieb1.

Reviews

[Jessica J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've followed me here on Goodreads for any length of time, you probably know that I am incredibly passionate about mental health advocacy. It's something that we need to talk about more, so we can break down the stigma surrounding it and more people can pursue help. So it should not be a surprise that I was excited to read a memoir about a therapist pursuing therapy to help her deal with her own issues—or that I absolutely loved the book.

These days, I'm pretty open about the fact that I see a therapist and I love it. I have (only semi) jokingly said many times that I think everyone should give it a try at least twice—go to the initial intake appointment then go at least once more to get a feel for it. Even if you don't think you have a diagnosable condition such as anxiety or depression, just talking out your challenges and breaking down your less-than-great behavioral patterns with an unbiased third party can be an eye-opening experience. It's taken me a long while to get to the point where I feel comfortable talking about it with others, and I appreciate anything, like this book, that will help more people talk about the process.

Lori Gottlieb pursued a career as a therapist relatively late in life. She started out as a TV writer, but her time on ER spurred her to more seriously think about a medical career. She worked as a freelance writer while attending medical school and gradually began to feel pulled in too many different directions. It was the "helping people" part of medicine that most strongly interested her, so an advisor suggested that she switch from and MD to a PhD in psychotherapy.

And yet, she hadn't really been in therapy herself, outside of the practice sessions she was required to do as part of her training. So when her fiancee ends their relationship out of the blue and she finds that she has trouble processing her emotions about the situation, Gottlieb decides to seek out some professional help. Using some clandestine methods, she asks a friend for a recommendation and begins seeing Wendell, a therapist to whom she has no professional or personal connections (a surprising challenge!)

Gottlieb starts out thinking that she just needs a couple of sessions to get over this hump, as it were, but her conversations with Wendell make her see that she could actually use more help than she realized. It's a jarring realization, but it's also one that seems to make her a better therapist as it makes more clear the struggle some of her patients have in connecting the dots between their pasts and their presents, their problematic behaviors and the painful consequences, and being honest about things that don't put themselves in the best light.

The memoir is divided between recounting Gottlieb's sessions with Wendell, her sessions with her own patients (specific details of which I have to believe have been heavily obscured), and a little bit about her path toward becoming a therapist and single mother. The result is an incredibly open and honest look at the therapy process that lays it out better than any other depiction of therapy I've ever read—Gottlieb makes it clear that your therapist is not there to tell you what to do but to help you recognize how your own patterns might be causing you unnecessary pain, but she's also honest in showing how hard it is to recognize not-so-flattering sides of ourselves and how deeply ingrained our those patterns can be. She's deeply empathetic, even when her patients frustrate her. She seems deeply committed to learning how to be better as a therapist and a patient.

I even spent a good chunk of a session talking about this book with my own therapist, partly because I knew it was something she'd enjoy reading and I can never not recommend a book to anyone when I think they'd enjoy it, but also because reflecting on Gottlieb's experiences genuinely helped me have a breakthrough about some of the work that I've been doing for the last couple of years. This is a great memoir and I highly recommend it to all readers.

[Cindy Pham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the first 2/3 of the physical book and teetered between 4 or 5 stars before I switched to the audiobook in the last 1/3 and ended up crying in a few of the chapters, solidifying the 5-star rating. The author comes across as genuine and insightful in her writing, and the narrator does such a good job at sounding compassionate and patient, as if I were listening to the therapist herself. She wrote a lot of insights that resonated with me, like how we often stay in our negative mindset because it's easier than trying to break free into the unknown, or how we use anger as a way to cover up our sadness (I'm paraphrasing here, but she writes it way better in the book haha). I also loved going through her three patients' emotional journeys, finding out more about their lives, and crying along with them for all the tragedies and breakthroughs. They each personally resonated with me in different ways. I don't think the book is perfect: sometimes it can feel pretty longwinded, and the therapist's personal story is the least interesting and definitely the weakest part of the book. However, I am moved enough by her patients' stories and the takeaways that I feel compelled to give it 5 stars. It's a good reminder to be more compassionate towards others, and to yourself.

[Claudia Lomelí · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 estrellas

[Justin Tate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Face it, we could all use therapy. This memoir pulls back the curtain on the benefits of therapy, the stigmas, our hesitancy to open up about mental health, and also becomes a celebration of life.

The setup is that Lori, a therapist herself, experiences a life-shattering breakup and decides to start therapy mostly for selfish reasons--getting someone to agree that her ex-boyfriend is a jerk. Juxtaposed with that are the stories of Lori’s clients and their growth. While Lori experiences growth, she has an increased understanding of the other side of the sofa, and her own complex emotions.

It’s all a little sappy and a lot awesome. The stories of her clients are funny, heart-breaking, and touch on relatable topics. Some intimately and others in theory. She changes names, of course, but otherwise doesn’t hold back. I suspect consent forms had to be signed because we get to eavesdrop on many unfiltered, deeply personal conversations.

(Side note: if anybody knows the true identity of John, the Hollywood TV writer, please leave a comment. I’m dying to know!)

Honesty and extreme vulnerability is what makes this stand out. For those of us who have never experienced therapy, it’s a great way to understand how it works and how it helps. The book itself is therapy, however. Seeing Lori cry her eyes out on the therapist coach, once even anxious when her therapist is late for a session, is beyond beautiful. We all have baggage, and even mental health experts need support.

Lori only covers the stories of a few individuals, and herself, but their dilemmas are universal enough that reading this book is probably the equivalent of several therapy sessions. Or maybe it’s the gateway you need to actually sign up with an open mind. I’m giving it four stars for now because I do think it’s overlong in places, but I suspect the more I think about it, the more this will round up to a perfect five. Any book that can change my perspective on life, as this one does, deserves top praise.

[emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

next up on the dinner party book club menu!!!

join us here! discussion on january 16.

----------------------
original review

reading this because i'm nosy...and i have to say, this scratched that itch in the nicest way.

this book is like gossip that starts out a little bit b*tchy, maybe, or at least salacious, but then grows heartfelt and enlightening and makes you like the people around you more.

like all my favorite books!

there were aspects of this that i think were overly simplistic or saccharine, but i think this was just...nice. more than anything else.

and that's a fine thing to be!

bottom line: team therapy!

[Matilda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm writing this review to see if I can make sense of my experience with this book. Even though I found myself immersed in it for days, and making as much time as possible to read it, the experience ended up not being completely satisfying for a few reasons.

My main complaint is: the stories are real but are supposedly disguised enough to protect her clients' privacy... so they aren't real. I was reading about those compelling characters and wondering what percentage of what she tells is the truth. Fifty percent truth is not the same as ten percent truth, and what's the point of detailing a therapeutic process if you've invented and mixed up the stories for literary/privacy purposes? I'm a therapist myself and I know how unique each case is, how the effect of a sentence or an intervention depends on that person's particular context, so I don't see the value on basing it in real stories unless they're a hundred percent real. Also, the dialogues can't be real either, unless she records the sessions, which she doesn't clarify. It makes me wonder if it's all a bit polished up to fit the narrative, which feels a tiny bit scammy.

That's why think this would have worked better as a novel. Lori is a very good writer and she builds great characters (I loved John and the dialogues between the two of them). This semi-disguised format makes me feel as she's faking the honesty and the sharing, so I'd have rather read something that's completely made up and taking it for what it is: fiction.

I also feel like Lori holds back a lot of her personal struggles, maybe for lack of physical space, since the book is already veeery long. I've read her prior book about finding a partner, Marry Him, and knowing how hard her struggle to find a partner was before Boyfriend, I'd have guessed that's what made her break up with him that painful. But she says nothing about that (maybe because she doesn't want this book and Marry Him to overlap?) and talks about everything else in her life instead. She tries so hard to make a point of her meltdown not being about her love life that she forgets to talk about her love life entirely, and it comes across as insincere if you know where she comes from.

The Wendell character falls flat for me. I don't see the quirkiness in his way of doing therapy, maybe because I've known my share of quirky therapist and believe me: he doesn't cut it. Check out Milton Erickson or Giorgio Nardone's interventions: THAT'S quirky. Gottlieb tells but doesn't show that Wendell is a 'different' kind of therapist, but I can't tell the difference between his and her way of doing therapy, at least from the interactions she writes about.

My last problem with the book is about her misleading explanation of what therapy is. There are a lot of ways to do therapy and some of her assertions work just for a few of them. You can do brief therapy successfully. You can do Skype therapy successfully. I am a licensed therapist too and some of her beliefs about the nature of human suffering and the right way to alleviate it are completely wrong to me, but I wouldn't write a book about my particular therapeutic orientation without disclaiming that other professionals might think and practice just the opposite. It's a disservice to the profession that can misguide people in search of help into thinking that the only way they can get it is if they spend months and months doing weekly face to face therapy with tons of silences.

The book does have its merits. It's compelling and I didn't get bored even though it's long. The dialogues are, as I said, funny and well-constructed. It makes you reflect on yourself and what you want to do with your life. The stories are engaging, even though you can't help but wonder whether everything really ended up with such a round, Hollywood-esque ending. And I personally like Lori very much. If she didn't quite hit the spot for me with this book it's because she takes risks with her writing, and I admire that.

[Bel Rodrigues · Rating 5 out of 5]

"frequentemente, quando os pacientes presenciam nossa humanidade, eles nos deixam"

obrigada lori por alugar 3 apartamentos de luxo na minha cabeça durante TODA leitura desse livro e pós-leitura também, já que terminei há umas 3 horas e ainda to pensando nele

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

A warm, engaging, and funny book about a therapist who sees a therapist after her boyfriend breaks up with her. I so appreciate Maybe You Should Talk to Someone for further destigmatizing therapy. I read somewhere that my generation is the “therapy generation” and yet so much stigma and misinformation surrounding therapy persists. Gottlieb describes her experience in therapy for herself and the therapy she provides to a few different patients with compassion and humor. Her writing style is conversational and demystifies therapy, both the process and the emotion involved, and her deep care for her patients and her own therapist is wonderful to read. I always wanted to know what would happen next, and Gottlieb’s insights always resonated on an emotional level without restoring to cliché. Just a few ideas that stood out to me and/or felt relevant to my own life: 1) that we often turn to anger when we feel hurt, that we lash out at others or ourselves in periods of intense emotional distress, 2) all relationships will involve some level of being hurt, either you being hurt or you hurting someone else, it’s a matter of repairing that rupture after the conflict occurs and setting boundaries surrounding how much you’re willing to put up with, and 3) I’m not alone in having Facebook and internet-stalked my therapist (thank you Lori Gottlieb for normalizing my own behavior there lol!)

I do rate this book four stars very intentionally, because Gottlieb does not acknowledge the importance of race, privilege, power, oppression, intersectionality, or culture, at all in this book. I felt shocked that as such a competent therapist, she wouldn’t mention the importance of taking into account how societal oppression affects patients and the therapy process and dyad (I think she mentioned men being socialized to withhold emotional expression, but aside from that, nothing). It’s so important that therapists educate themselves on how to be culturally competent, and after reading this I’m honestly unsure if Gottlieb would be the type of therapist who might commit a microaggression against a client or not acknowledge her privilege or power in the therapy dyad. For people of color, queer people, and those at the intersections of marginalized identities, I’d recommend this article (https://theestablishment.co/how-to-fi...) to help you navigate how to find a therapist who’s with it and will understand important concepts and lived experiences related to oppression and intersectionality. I also feel like this book would have benefited from Gottlieb acknowledging her own privileges, in particular her whiteness, especially in terms of the smoothness of her career development trajectory despite multiple transitions.

Overall, would recommend to those who want an engaging reading experience and are curious about or passionate about therapy. As a therapist who’s into writing I’m appreciative that Gottlieb has expanded the canon of books about therapy, especially from a more modern perspective. I think we should all talk to someone, ideally a therapist, at some point in our lives, if we have the resources to.

[j e w e l s · Rating 1 out of 5]

ONE STAR AUDIO

It's not you, it's me.

Anne Bogel enthusiastically raved about this book on her weekly podcast What Should I Read Next. She recommended it in the same breath as Ask Again, Yes and I am obsessed with that book. So, despite my misgivings about listening to all the therapist-speak, I used a precious Audible credit on Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Lori Gottlieb has had an interesting life working in Hollywood first as a tv producer on shows like Friends. Then, quitting that glam life to enter medical school, then quitting medical school to train as a therapist. All the while, freelance writing and selling her articles to magazines. Got all that?

I could only listen to 3 or 4 hours of this tormentingly long novel before screaming and throwing in the towel. Gottlieb comes off as completely self-indulgent, self-obsessed and, weirdly--NOT FUNNY. She, seriously finds herself most amusing. Ugh.

I returned this Audible book (did you know you can do that?) and bought another Anne Bogel recommendation. Yeah, I still trust the lady with her book suggestions. But, I'm gonna listen to my own instincts first!

[Dr. Appu Sasidharan (Dasfill) · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is always dispiriting to see some people spending all their time on their physical health while totally ignoring their mental health.

The lack of awareness and the stigma associated with mental health is a topic that has been discussed for decades.

Apart from a few people in some countries, most people are still in their rudimentary phases regarding mental health awareness. The colossal role played by organizations like WHO in spreading mental health awareness is praiseworthy. Still, there are limitations to the extent to which they can impact human lives due to the high population index in this world.

It is in this scenario that books like these play an important role. It is a book written by a therapist pursuing therapy and her experiences and feelings associated with it, and how she struggles to bring life back on track.

My favorite three lines from this book.

“There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn't be ranked, because pain is not a contest."

"You can have compassion without forgiving. There are many ways to move on, and pretending to feel a certain way isn't one of them."

"We tend to think that the future happens later, but we're creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists."

I appreciate the courage the author showed to write her unfiltered emotions regarding her experiences with her therapist. This book will be a learning experience for many people, including those who are well aware of the topics discussed in it. If you are struggling with your mental health or love to know more about mental health, this is a book you should never miss.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook…narrated by
Brittany Pressley... ( Brittany was excellent). I can see reasons for owing a hard copy as well as the Audiobook.

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist who writes a “Dear Therapist” advice column. She lives in Los Angeles. She attended Yale and Stanford University. She has an impressive life/ career resume.

We are taken into her therapy sessions with her clients. We also walk through the door with Lori for sessions with her therapist.

This book is the real deal.... not cheesy- cheap advice.

From both sides of the couch - Lori is easy to relate to. She has it terrific sense of humor. She brings out thoughts & feelings in us - that melt naturally into our skin as easy as smoothing coconut oil on.

She’s not obnoxious- or too over the top. She’s honest - reminding us how human we all are. It’s fascinating watching the way a therapist cracks open the slippery little salamanders -that people ( all of us), don’t want exposed - especially when feeling too vulnerable or threatened.

Loss, grief, betrayal, failure,
depression, change, ... it’s all covered and more.
We become clear the way good therapy works - therapist can’t change situations but they can help clients have a deeper understanding of themselves.
Lori shares about her life experience and daily conversations being as important to bring into a session when working with a client as much as her of academic training.

This book is seriously personal and primal!

Absolutely outstanding- excellent - compassionate - and informative.

Two thumbs UP!!!!!

[Mehrsa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I rarely give a book one-star because I don't want to be mean, but this book was a complete waste of my time and it had such great reviews from so many people. I feel like I was cheated out of however long it took me to read (well, actually listen). If you want to read about psychotherapy, go to the real sources. If you want to read a memoir, go read a good one. I just don't even know what the point of this was.

[Sherif Metwaly · Rating 5 out of 5]

في يوم وليلة، تنقلب حياة الكاتبة والمعالجة النفسية لوري غوتليب رأسًا على عقب إثر تعرضها لتجربة نفسية سيئة بانفصالها عن زوجها المنتظر لسببٍ تراه تافهًا ومستفزًا، فجأة، تتحول المعالجة النفسية التي يُفترض أنها على دراية وخبرة بالنفس البشرية إلى إنسانة عادية، هشّة، مُحبطة، حانقة، غاضبة من نفسها ومن العالم، ومن منا لا يغضب ويثور على العالم مع كل خيبة أمل تصفعنا على وجوهنا فجأة؟، تبحث المعالجة النفسية عن مساعدة طبيب نفسي زميل يساعدها، يقودها القدر إلى الطبيب "ويندل"، ومع اللقاء الأول تبدأ الرحلة، رحلة تشريح النفس البشرية، بصراعاتها وتعقيداتها، يساعدها على إعادة النظر في حياتها بكل تفاصيلها وجوانبها النفسية والإجتماعية والمهنية وصولًا إلى العاطفية، والتي تتشابه وتتقاطع مع حياتي وحياة كل قارئ سيقرأ هذا الكتاب، ليصير العنوان الفرعي للكتاب خير مُعبّر عن محتواه: معالج نفسي، وحياتنا كما يكتشفها.

تمزج الكاتبة قصتها مع حكاياتٍ أخرى لمرضاها – أو عملاءها حسب وصفها – وتشمل أربع شخصيات رئيسية بأربع مراحل عمرية مختلفة، الأولى سيدة مسنة تشعر بالوحدة وتبحث عن رفيقٍ تقضي معه سنواتها الأخيرة بعدما فارقها الأبناء، والثانية أنثى شابة في أوائل العشرينات تخوض حربًا مع مشاعرها تجاه الجنس الآخر بحثًا عن حبيب مناسب بالتزامن مع حربها مع إدمان الكحول، أما الثالثة فهي مريضة بالسرطان في مرحلة متأخرة تبحث عن مساعدة لجعل روحها أكثر خفة ولمحو غضبها من العالم قبل أن تفارقه بحثًا عن السكينة في العالم الآخر، وآخرهم عميل متزوج ناجح مهنيًا يبحث عن سعادته وسط مجتمع من الأغبياء. كل حكاية بتاريخ مختلف وصراعات نفسية مختلفة، مزيج مبهر يلخص النفس البشرية وما تخوضه من صراعات في مختلف مراحل العمر ومختلف الحالات الاجتماعية والصحية، وهذه أولى علامات التميز في هذا الكتاب البديع.

تتضافر الحكايات وتتشابك، عبر فصول قصيرة سريعة فائقة المتعة نتنقل بين الحكايات الخمس وكأن الكتاب تحول إلى رواية متعددة الفصول، العبقرية في هذا الكتاب تتمثل في تلقائيته وصراحته المتناهية، لذا نجحت الحكايات المعروضة والحوارات والأسئلة المطروحة للنقاش بين الكاتبة ومعالجها أو بين الكاتبة ومرضاها في أن تلمسني ببراعة وتجعلني جزءًا من الكتاب لا مجرد قارئ يقرأ حكايات لينساها غدًا أو بعد غد.

هذا كتاب شافٍ، ينكأ جراحك وخيبات أملك ويساعدك على فك شفرة أكثر الأمور النفسية تعقيدًا في حياتك، يعالج شروخ علاقاتك بمن حولك: بوالديك، بزوجتك، أو أبناءك، وعلى رأسهم علاقتك بنفسك، فمن منا لم يتحامل على روحه ويُدميها وينهك نفسه بنفسه؟، من منا لم يعاني من علاقة سامة جعلته يكره ذاته ويستشعر الضعف فيها رغم أنه لا بأس به؟، من منا لم يصرخ في عجز: رباه متى ينتهي كل هذا الألم؟.

هذا الكتاب يغوص في أكثر المناطق النفسية غموضًا وحساسيةً وأشدها عتمة، يكشف الستار عنها ويضمد جراحنا، ستشعر في مواضع عديدة بإحساس مزعج ومربك، ومن لا ينزعج ويتألم بينما يعالج الجراح جرحًا متقيحًا مهملًا ويفرغه من الصديد؟، لكنه الانزعاج الذي يسبق الراحة والسكينة، والتصالح مع الذات بعد إعادة اكتشافها وفهمها.

إذا كنتَ مٌحبطًا، مكتئبًا، غاضبًا، فإليك نصيحة بسيطة: لا تخض حروبك -وخصوصًا النفسية- وحدك يا صديقي، ليس عيبًا أن تستمد قوتك ممّن حولك، ممّن يحبونك ويهتمون لأمرك، ليس صحيحًا ما تراه عن نفسك، لستَ منبوذًا ولا مكروهًا، أنتَ منهك، تحتاج فقط لالتقاط الأنفاس وإعادة حساباتك، تحتاج للتوقف لحظة، أرِح نفسك وجسدك وعقلك فلا يوجد على وجه الأرض ماكينة تعمل للأبد بلا راحة، رفقًا بنفسك يا صديقي، رفقًا بها، وتذكر دائمًا، أنه مهما خذلك الناس لن تخذلك القراءة.

ربما هناك حل أخير ستجده بين صفحات هذا الكتاب، ربما عليك فقط، أن تكلم أحدًا.

تمت.

[Anne Bogel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed Gottlieb's previous book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough when it came out many moons ago, and was delighted to see her new release. (It was also fun to see where life had taken her in the intervening years.) Now a psychotherapist, in these pages Gottlieb gets to the heart of what matters in life: how do we grow, how do we change, how do we connect with each other—and how can we do it all more effectively?

She explores human nature through the lens of psychotherapy, employing an unusual two-pronged approach to show us how therapy really works. First, Gottlieb introduces us to four of her patients, taking us inside the room to show us what happens in their sessions. But Gottlieb is also in therapy herself, thanks to a sudden breakup, and through her eyes, we get the patient’s perspective as well. I so enjoyed getting to know the people in these pages, session by session, and rooted hard for them as they worked through the process.

Part memoir, part educational glimpse into the profession: if you like to learn something
from the books you read, and you enjoy a good story, well told, this is the book for you.

[Pam Gonçalves · Rating 5 out of 5]

Livro necessário demais! Um dos favoritos do ano <3

[Regina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I suppose my experience with Maybe You Should Talk to Someone was a bit like the experience of finding the right therapist. While it came highly recommended, it just wasn’t the perfect fit for me.

In this memoir, Lori Gottlieb weaves the stories of her own therapy sessions between those of her patients. She’s honest about her personal struggles as well as her internal thoughts about those she’s treating, and I think maybe that latter bit was part of the stumbling block for me. It may not have been her intention (and probably wasn’t), but I detected an air of judgment that could be a barrier to those seeking the normalization of therapy and mental health issues. In rereading the publisher synopsis, I do note that it doesn’t say anywhere that her thesis was to normalize therapy. So I might have gone into the book with the wrong expectations.

It’s also possible a few of the patients Gottlieb profiles challenged me. One is a writer of a hit TV show, and I couldn’t shake the urge to try to figure out who he really is. Very distracting. Another is a young woman struggling with a terminal cancer diagnosis, and that’s just never going to be something I like reading about.

I know I’m in the minority here, so this is a classic case of “it’s not you, it’s me.” I was thoroughly engaged the entire time, even if I didn’t get out of it what I wanted.

Maybe I should talk to someone… else.

[Pakinam · Rating 2 out of 5]

ربما عليك أن تكلم أحد..كتاب أخر تقييماته عالية و مع ذلك معجبنيش أبداً ومش حقدر أكمله!

الكتاب عبارة عن مذكرات طبيبة نفسية بتتكلم فيه عن عدد من مرضاها ومشاكلهم كما إنها بتتكلم عن حياتها الشخصية و مرورها بتجربة إنفصال مؤلمة مما أدي إلي ذهابها هي أيضاً لدكتور نفسي..
الصراحة الكتاب بالنسبة لي كان ممل جداً و لم أجد فيه أي إستفادة من الحكايات سواء حكايات المرضي أو حتي حكاية
الطبيبة نفسها..

قرأت نصفه فقط وحسيت إني بضيع وقتي علي الفاضي والتقييم بنجمتين لهذا الجزء فقط..
ممكن يكون الجزء التاني من الكتاب أفضل..معرفش..بس هو الكتاب دة أكيد مش ليا!

[Gosia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a therapist... blah blah... My boyfriend broke up with me... blah blah... My patient did this and that... blah blah. The author is spilling words on paper without putting much thought to it, so it reads like a stream of consciousness done for therapeutic reasons - and then edited here and there to make it fit for publishing and getting money of it. The book lacks structure and deeper insights, but most of all it lacks credibility. You want to believe Lori's story but she never opens up completely for the reader. You want to believe her patients' stories but so many details were changed (made up even) to protect their privacy that they could as well be fictional characters. And while the author clearly enjoys writing, I wish she plucked up the courage to write a novel rather than this self-censored half journal half self-help book. Or maybe she should have written this parental book after all (wink wink).

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t read a lot of nonfiction and am trying to branch out into that a little more. I tend to get bogged down in facts while reading nonfiction, but Maybe You Should Talk to Someone moves along at the pace of a good novel; I found it to be a fantastic little gem.

Author Lori Gottlieb has worn a lot of hats—TV producer (Friends, ER), psychotherapist, and writer. This book was inspired by Lori’s own issues leading her to seek therapy herself. Along the way she focuses on four very different patients of her own. I’ll just say if I ever sought therapy I would love to find someone like Lori or Lori’s therapist Wendell. The insights psychotherapists have into people’s minds are incredibly interesting to me. The book is chock full of information regarding state of mind and how certain attitudes and beliefs can lead a person to self-imprisonment. Even more intriguing is the way a good therapist can break into these set beliefs and help clients see their way to a much better life.

The case studies discussed are so diverse. It was a wonderful experience to see how these clients went from feeling confused, angry, resentful, directionless, unloved, worthless and/or scared to the point where they could cope, have more self worth, contentment, and direction, and feel happier and less anxious. I was also impressed by the power of human connection in all of the cases.

I appreciated the humor laced throughout the book.

I highly recommend the compelling Maybe You Should See Someone for everyone with an interest in human connection and understanding oneself.

Thank you Hennepin County (MN) Library and the Libby App for the opportunity to read this book.

[JanB · Rating 4 out of 5]

What is therapy like? The author breaks down the walls and gives us a peek behind closed doors into her sessions with clients as well as sessions with her own therapist, who she consults after a devastating break-up. We also get glimpses into the author's education, career, and her personal life.

I felt as if I got to know her and her patients and I became invested in their lives. Details were changed for confidentiality, but the spirit of the stories remained true and the problems were real. I cried with Julie and cheered when John and Rita made breakthroughs. The author divulges some tricks of the trade and along the way imparts bits of wisdom that we can take away to use in our own lives.

I listened to this on audio and could have listened to more. The style is easy-going and totally engaging. I plan on getting a hard copy and putting a tin of book darts to good use.

Highly recommended to anyone who loves ‘behind the scene’ looks, character studies, and insight into all things psychological.

[Olive Fellows (abookolive) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was written by a therapist who, after a sudden and unexpected breakup, decided to go see a therapist of her own. In the book, while she's seeking treatment, she takes us inside sessions with her own patients, who are all fighting demons of their own. As she helps them, she - with the help of her therapist- attempts to figure out what the next phase in her life is going to look like. Before she can do that, though, she gives us a peek into her past.

This book is absolutely beautiful and so clever, mimicking the therapy process as the author holds certain things back until later in the book. I love this book so much - it's gone on to become one of my all-time favorites.

Check out my full review on Booktube!

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Feels a bit voyeuristic to say that I found this book thoroughly absorbing, but the author manages to make the therapeutic experience, her own and that of her patients, so engaging that at times it felt fictional. No surprise, the author is also a journalist.

Part memoir, part self-help wisdom and part psychotherapy primer, Gottlieb strikes a conversational tone and doesn’t seem to take herself too seriously. What she does take very seriously, and with great compassion, is each patient’s path to living a more complete and fulfilling life.

From the patient facing a terminal illness to the woman who chose to stay in a toxic relationship, one in which her children were abused and even to the self-absorbed television executive, she finds, as she tells us, that ‘there’s something likeable in everyone’ and it is in this acknowledgement where she seems to find the empathy to help without judgment.

Captivating, illuminating, often humorous, sometimes heartbreaking, I could have read another 300 pages and I hope to read more from this author in the future. Highly recommended.

[Maede · Rating 5 out of 5]

یک روش تشخیص اینکه آیا بیمار برای اتمام جلسات آماده است این است که او صدای روانشناس را در فکر خود می شنود و آن را در موقعیت های مختلف به کار می‌گیرد، که در اصل در این صورت نیاز به روان درمانی برطرف می شود

باید در نظر بگیرم که این برای یک کتاب هم صدق می کنه. وقتی از لحظه ای که شروعش کردم تا الان که از تموم شدنش چند روز گذشته صدای این کتاب رو توی گوشم می شنوم و حداقل در سه تا مکالمه گفتم" توی این کتابی که خوندم می گفت" و این یعنی تاثیر یک تراپیست نویسنده ی عالی مثل لوری گوتلیب

بهترین زمان ممکن خوندمش. زمانی که در یک سردرگمی بزرگ دست و پا می زنم و ترس "دیر شدن" به وجودم چنگ انداخته. با همه ی وجودم با زندگینامه/تراپی لوری همراه شدم. هم فکر کردم و هم حس کردم

تجربه ی خوندن این کتاب یعنی نشستن در اتاق یک روان شناس. هم به عنوان مراجع و هم به عنوان خود روانشناس. لوری که یک روانشناسه، تجربه ی چند نفر از بیمارانش رو تعریف می کنه و اون ها رو تحلیل می کنه. ولی اشتباه نکنید این ها چندتا جلسه ی پر مکالمه ی خسته کننده نیستند! داستان ها در بستر داستان خود لوری روایت میشن که از جایی شروع میشه که خودش برای یک جدایی سخت به یک روانشناس دیگه مراجعه می کنه و متوجه میشه که مشکلش عمیق تر از چیزیه که فکر می کرده و برای حل این مشکل باید از سلول زندانی که ذهنش ساخته بیرون بیاد

شاید با افرادی که داستان هاشون رو می خونید در ظاهر هیچ نقطه ی مشترکی نداشته باشید، ولی به زودی می فهمید که دردهای مشترکی دارید
سوگواری، بیماری، اضطراب، پیر شدن، فرصت های از ��ست رفته و روابط نا آرام
اتفاقی که می افته اینه که با تحلیل های لوری و روانشناسش کم کم برخی مسائل رو با دید بازتری نگاه می کنید و درک می کنید

لحن صادقانه اش، نشان دادن سمت انسانی یک روانشناس و اطلاعاتش باعث میشه به راحتی حرف هاش رو بشنوید و فکر کنید و یاد بگیرید. همه چیز صرفا علمی نیست و مراجع ها پرونده های مطالعاتی برای روانشناسی نیستند. انسان هایی هستند که با درد هاشون و ترس هاشون شاید گریه کنید و همزمان باهاشون مسیر بهبودیشون رو طی می کنید

برای من اما، قسمتی که بیشتر از همه کمکم کرد زندگینامه ی خودش بود. اینکه چقدر کارهای مختلفی رو امتحان کرده تا به ایده آل خودش رسیده. از کار در هالیوود تا یک روانشناس و نویسنده. من که دائم فکر می کنم برای همه چیز دیره احتیاج داشتم این رو بخونم

به قسمت های هایلایت شده ی این کتاب مطمئنم که بارها برمی گردم. و در آخر، ممنون مهرناز، چه خوب که به حرفت گوش کردم❤️

99.1.16

[Dalia Nourelden · Rating 3 out of 5]

" ليس ثمة ما يرغب فيه المرء أكثر من تحرره من بلاء ، ��كن ليس ثمة ما يخشاه أكثر من سلبه سنده"
جايمس بالدوين

من فترة طويلة وانا عندى رغبة انى أقرأ الكتاب ده بس كل مرة أحاول ابدأ فيه أتراجع بدون ماافتحه وفي نفس الوقت رغبتي انى اقراه قوية لحد ماقررت اشتريه عشان أجبر نفسى ان ابدأ فيه . وخصوصا أن تقريبا كل التقييمات اللى شفتها عن الكتاب عالية ومشجعة لكن ..




هل كان تجربة سيئة ؟ لأ
هل لقيت اللى انا عايزاه ومتوقعاه منه ؟ لأ برضه
هل ندمت انى قرأته او اشتريته ؟ ثالث لأ
هل حسيت بالملل معاه خاصة ان الكتاب كبير ؟ برضه في الغالبية لأ لان اسلوب الكتاب وطريقة صياغته حلوة .فكان اقرب من انى بقرأ حكايات ومواقف واسلوبه سلس وبسيط فمكانش ممل.
هل استفدت من الكتاب ويخلينى مثلا أفكر بسببه انى اتكلم مع معالج نفسي في يوم من الايام ؟ ممكن اقول لأ كمان مرة 😂

وانا غلط طبعا والمفترض أننا نلجأ للعلاج النفسي لما نكون محتاجينه ونتعامل معاه زى اى مرض عضوى رغم انه للأسف لحد دلوقتي ناس كتير بتعتبره وصمة عار ومبنعترفش بيه وبنقلل من قيمته برغم انه في الغالب قادر يقلب ويدمر حياتنا اكتر من المرض العضوى اللى صاحبه بيلاقي دعم وتفهم من اللى حواليه .

" بالنسبة لكثيرين، فإن الغوص في عمق أعماق أفكارهم ومشاعرهم يشبه إلى حد ما الدخول في نفق داكن لا يريدون أن يذهبوا إليه بمفردهم . لذلك يلجأ الناس إلى العلاج كي يرافقهم أحد إلى هناك "



طبعا انطباعي عن الكتاب بيختلف من شخص للتانى وممكن غيري استفاد اكتر من الكتاب بس لو هتكلم عن نفسي "لم استفيد منه بالقدر الكافي" او كان اقل من توقعاتي بكتير او ممكن كنت منتظرة منه حاجة تانية مش عارفة ايه هى بالظبط بس مكانتش موجودة بس كمجمل الكتاب كويس وكانت تجربة كويسة مش ندمانة عليها ولا حسيت انى ضيعت وقتي معاه خصوصا إن الكتاب كبير بالعكس انا استمتعت بقراءته .بس باختصار هو مش ليا انا .



لوري غوتليب معالجة نفسية قررت انها تكتب لنا كتاب عنها وعن حكايات شخصية ليها وعن انفصالها عن حبيبها وحاجتها لعلاج نفسي بعد الانفصال وقرارها اللجوء لمعالج نفسي لمساعدتها على تخطى الانفصال لتواجه معاه نفسها ومخاوفها الحقيقة . وبتحكيلنا كمان عن حياتها قبل ماتكون معالجة نفسية وايه سبب رغبتها انها تتجه للعمل ده . وازاى وصلت ليه. وبتحكيلنا كمان عن مواقف مع بعض المرضى وحكاية كل واحد فيهم . ومن خلال كلامنا بتدينا شوية نصايح بشكل غير مباشر من خلال كلامها مع مرضاها او كلامها مع طبيبها النفسي او من خلال حكاياتها عن نفسها .

" الا يفترض بالمعالجين النفسين أن يحتفظوا بحياتهم الخاصة لهم وحدهم ؟ ألا يفترض بهم أن يكونوا قوائم بيضا لا يكشفون ابدا عن مكنونات انفسهم او مراقبين موضوعين يمتنعون عن التفوه بأسماء مرضاهم حتي بينهم وبين أنفسهم ؟ فضلا عن ذلك ألايفترض بالمعالجين النفسيين من بين جميع الناس ، ان يعيشوا حياتهم بهناء وراحة بال ؟
من جهة أولى، نعم هذا صحيح. فما يدور في غرفة العلاج لابد أن يجري لما فيه مصلحة المريض، وإذا لم يتمكن المعالجون النفسيون من فصل صراعاتهم الخاصة عن تلك التي يعرضها عليهم الناس الذين يأتون إليهم، فحرى بهم ، من دون نقاش، ان يختاروا مهنة اخرى.
لكن من جهة اخرى ما بين يديك هنا ، في هذه اللحظة تحديدا، بيني وبينك ليس علاجاً ، بل رواية حول العلاج : كيف نشفي وإلى أين يقودنا الامر..

لوري بتحكيلنا في الغالب بجانب حكايتها ومشاكلها عن حكايات ٤ شخصيات وعلى مدار الكتاب ومع كل فصل بنتعرف على جزء منهم ومنها وبنستكشف حاجة جديدة هم كانوا مخبينها عن تعمد او حتى عن غير قصد ، ساعات مبناخدش بالنا من اصل المشكلة الحقيقة . ساعات بنكدب على نفسنا قبل ما نكون بنكدب على غيرنا .

جون اللى شايف كل اللى حواليه اغبياء وبيتعامل بطريقة سيئة مع لوري وبيعمل مواقف حقيقى مستفزة بس لكل شئ سبب اكيد .
جولي المصابة بالسرطان في مرحلة متأخرة وازاى بتتعامل مع مرضها ومع اللى حواليها وانتظارها للموت.
‏ريتا المسنة الوحيدة والتي ابرمت صفقة مع نفسها بأن تجعل حياتها افضل بحلول عيد ميلادها السبعين او تنهي حياتها . وبنعرف ايه اللى وصلها لكده وايه اللى بيحصل معاها في الوقت الحالى . وبرغم فرق السن واختلاف التجارب تماما لكن كان في شئ في ريتا قريب منى بشكل شخصي . واعتقد أنى شفت نفسي في بعض مواقفها ومشاعرها وأفكارها عن نفسها.
‏شارلوت وادمانها للكحول اللى كانت رافضة انها تعترف بيها وعلاقتها بالجنس الاخر وبأهلها .

" لا شك في ان القصة التي تحضرها معها المريضة إلى العلاج قد لا تكون القصة التي تغادر بها. فما تم تضمينه في السرد في البداية قد يُكتب الآن، وماتم استبعاده قد يصبح نقطة حبكة مركزية. وقد تصبح بعض الشخصيات الرئيسية ثانوية بينما قد يتغير دور المريض أيضا، من لاعب صغير إلى زعيم. ومن ضحية الى بطل "

أفضل حاجة في حكاية لوري عن نفسها وعن حالتها وقصتها بعد انفصالها عن حبيبها وعن حكايات تخصها هى انها بتقولك ان طبيعي ان كل واحد فينا بيتألم ، طبيعي ان رغم معرفتها بكل الطرق النفسية السليمة للتعامل مع الحزن والغضب ومع النفس ومشاكلها إلا ان الإنسان في الغالب بيقف عاجز قدام مشاكله الشخصية ، ممكن يقدر يساعد غيره يفكر ويوصل للقرار الصح ويتعامل مع ضعفه بس بيجى قدام نفسه وبيعجز ساعات انه ينفذ ده .واعتقد أغلبنا حس وعاش ده ، بتقدر تنصح صديقك وتشوف انه رايح في اتجاه وبياخد قرار غلط بس تصرفاتك بتتغير لما بتكون انت جوه المشكلة . ممكن تقول لحد بلاش تقسى على نفسك وانت اصلا جلاد لنفسك .

" اننا نتكلم مع أنفسنا أكثر مما نتكلم مع أى شخص آخر في حياتنا ، لكن كلماتنا هذه لا تكون دائما لطيفة ، أو صادقة، أو مساعدة،أو حتى محترمة.
في العلاج النفسي ، نتعلم أن نعير انتباها خاصا لتلك الاصوات في رؤوسنا، حتى نتقن طريقة تواصل أفضل مع أنفسنا"

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[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw one of my friends reviews on this book and I thought, "What the hell". I mean I love self help memoir type books. AND I loved this one!! Read from library.....



Sooooooooooooo, as you know me, Ima get me a hardback of it. Yes, it’s cheaper in kindle, but I want to hold this one and highlight and makes notes!!! Anyhoo, that’s that!!

Mel 🖤🐶🐺🐾😘

PS-They had me on a six month wait at the library but they have been asking me if I want to skip the line if I keep the book for shorter days and I’m glad I accepted!!

[elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

i love memoirs that are like self help books but aren't in your face about it. my new favorite nonfic genre. aka this book.

full review to come

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

pre-read
i agree lori i definitely should talk to someone a therapist

[Gretchen Rubin]

Fascinating! This book has generated a huge amount of buzz and rightly so. I was surprised to see myself mentioned—that was an odd experience.

[Pedro Pacifico Book.ster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Se você leu o título do livro e achou que essa é mais uma obra que segue aquela antiga fórmula de autoajuda, com diversos exemplos e repetidas frases de efeito, você está totalmente enganado.

A psicoterapeuta norte-americana conseguiu criar um fenômeno de vendas ao trazer para o leitor a sua experiência real com conflitos e angústias universais do ser humano, tanto do ponto de vista do psicoterapeuta, como daquele que senta do outro lado do divã, o paciente. Como a própria autora confessa, “de todas as minhas credenciais como terapeuta, a mais significativa é eu ser membro de carteirinha da raça humana”.

Talvez, uma das características que mais conseguem aproximar o leitor da narrativa é a humanidade no relato de Lori. A autora nos conta a história de quatro pacientes, com diferentes questões que os afligem, e a sua própria experiência diante de cenários de vulnerabilidade e desamparo. Ao longo da leitura, me identifiquei com diversas passagens e questionamentos abordados pela autora e, sem qualquer dúvida, acho difícil algum leitor passar imune a essa identificação.

É legal dizer que, apesar de eu fazer análise há algum tempo, sei que o trabalho de Lori também pode ajudar muito a desmistificar velhas ideias sobre a terapia, que, ainda hoje, é vista como um tabu por muitas pessoas. Esse livro pode ser um bom início de um processo de autoconhecimento, em que a autora não busca trazer respostas para nossos problemas, mas sim despertar a nossa reflexão sobre as situações que vivemos. Como eu sempre falo, enxergar diferentes problemáticas a partir da perspectiva do outro passa, necessariamente, por uma autoanálise - ainda que não proposital.

A escrita também é muito convidativa, com referências acessíveis a teorias e a grandes nomes da Psicologia, permitindo uma leitura agradável, mas que não dá a sensação de ser uma abordagem superficial. Para o que a obra propõe, a minha experiência merece nota máxima.

Nota: 10/10

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[Simone James · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. It's full of honesty and insight and ideas of what it means to be a person just trying to live your life. It makes you wonder and dig into yourself. It's great.

[Valeria Lipovetsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve marked so many phrases, ideas and paragraphs throughout the book that inspired me and ignited deeper curiosity towards certain habits, childhood memories and experiences I’ve had.

This book was a beautiful combination of extremely human stories and what felt like my own therapy session. So happy I reached for this one.

Highly recommend.