Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined

by Drew Carey

Drew Carey scripted and starred in his own cable special for years before hooking up with Bruce Helford and creating The Drew Carey Show. He is also the host of his own show, Whose Line Is It Anyway? We all know Drew Carey from his award-winning stand-up career and his hit television show, but do we really know Drew Carey, the person? Now, meet the true Drew, in his book, the bawdy, irreverent, and hilarious Dirty Jokes and Beer, and find out about all the many sides of the misunderstood Hollywood star.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Biography, Comedy, Memoir, Autobiography, Short Stories

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Drew Allison Carey is an American comedian, actor, photographer, and game show host. After serving in the U.S. Marines and making a name for himself in stand-up comedy, Carey eventually gained popularity starring on his own sitcom, The Drew Carey Show, and serving as host on the U.S. version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, both of which aired on ABC.

Carey has appeared in several films, television series, music videos, a made-for-television film, and a computer game. He is interested in and involved with a variety of sports and has worked as a photographer at U.S. National Team soccer games, and is currently a minority owner of the Major League Soccer team Seattle Sounders FC. Carey currently is engaged and has written an autobiography detailing his early life and television career. Carey currently hosts the game show The Price Is Right, which airs on CBS.

Reviews

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last few chapters of Drew Carey's memoir are short stories he wrote. They're very dark, and the best part of the book.

Also, the My Dick Is So Big jokes almost made me bust a seam. I wish I still had my copy for those alone. Examples:

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.

My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.

My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.

If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.

My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.

My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raunchy, rude. I think the title is enough to tell you your in for a bit of "Fire-house" humor. The first part is autobiogaphical, the second part fiction, the third part,... just dick jokes. The first part is the usual "here's where I'm coming from" material, similar to, but slightly cruder than Kelsey Grammar's "My life- So Far..." The second part is a bawdy, boozy, insane fiction without language or sexual bounds. Disturbing, yet hilarious. The third part is made up of jokes Drew and his hollywood buddies traded/shared during his long career. The variations on "My dick is so big ________" are as endless as they are juvenile, crude, and god-awfully funny.

[Sarah Sammis · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are three distinct parts to this book: Dirty Jokes, Beer, and Stories of the Unrefined.

Dirty Jokes is his section for ranting about stuff. Each chapter starts with a dirty joke (except for the 101 Big Dick Jokes which is just a list of big dick jokes) and the follows with something close to his typical stand up routine. This is Drew as stand up comedian section. It's the most crass of all the book and in some regards the funniest. The 101 Big Dick jokes are all fairly tame and can be broke into types of dick jokes: dick as celebrity, dick as 'eighth wonder of the world' and dick as conjoined twin.

Beer is Drew's more serious autobiography with information on how his sitcom ran (interesting details), his run ins with the tabloids (funny), his childhood and some thoughts on how he ended up the person he is. Having friends who've been through similar childhoods, his recollections seem very plausible and I'm sorry he went through what he did. I'm glad he's come out of it a stronger person.

Stories of the Unrefined was my least favorite section. The stories werer just too dull after his chattier sections. When writing fiction he tries too hard to sound refined. He should just relax and let the story flow in his natural voice.

[Charis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried, I added phrases to my vocabulary. Amazing -- honestly, I would have read a whole book of just his short stories, but I enjoyed the whole shebang.

[MaryAnn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I decided to read this book because of an interview with Drew Carey I heard and liked. However while this book had some funny bits that made me laugh out and I appreciated some of his take on some subjects, I cannot give this book more then two stars.

Aside from the funny bits and insights, the book is rife with bad language and vulgarity. (I forgot how dirty jokes could get.) This is not just the jokes and the insights. It is also in how he talks about his real life. He does say in the book that he doesn't care what people think about what he does. Although I have admired this attitude; in this book I found the flip side.

Maybe it was just a phase or a ploy for the sake of humor. Or maybe I am being moralistic and judgmental. I don't get a lot of other current comics for the same reasons. Yet I do hear other people (Mostly people who are a lot younger then am.) that some of these folks are hilarious.

I read the whole book because I kept hoping it would get better or he would evolve. (There are few books I have not finished - hope springs eternal.) If you don't find bad language or vulgarity hilarious, stick to interviews on NPR or public venues where seriously bad language and vulgarity are censored.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you like Drew Carey, you'll enjoy this book. In the very back are some short stories that he wrote....kinda dark and not what my perception of Drew was like.

I learned some things about Drew that I didn't know before. Don't expect it to be really clean and it's really not for younger ones to read!

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read this book three times. I love it. I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Drew Carey...humor...or the entertainment world in general. He opens up on many topics, while for the most part, keeping it light and fun. I'll be reading it again at some point...this book is great.

[Christopher Mattick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth it for Stories of the Unrefined alone; a few very dark short stories that make one wish Drew would write a book entirely of short fiction.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yeah...I'm shocked too that this book turned out to be flipping hilarious.

[Lanier · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book, especially the last third with all his semi-NF stuff. I don’t believe a word of his denials. I think everything in this is true. I mean, if he would admit to being raped by two tranies, I think all the other things are tame in comparison. What are the odds of pulling two Royal Flushes and not able to actually collect? It’s the kind of thing that sounds so far-fetched it can ONLY be truth.

My three favorite quotes:

223— “…and why waste your energy digging a bigger grave than you really needed?”

How many times have I thought this!? Not really - Carey is too funny, sometimes.

Page 6—“The difference between LV [Las Vegas] and AC [Atlantic City] is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful Call Girl and getting mugged by a crack head.”

Sadly, I've never been to either, but I just love this!

210— I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than deal with some dumb shit.

Again, not my philosophy, but I can definitely empathize with those who feel this strong aversion to listening to others' trifling problems or drunken ramblings.

[Chelsea K. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I refuse to put this on my "comedy" bookshelf. What a travesty.

It's replete with jokes about 'butt rape', and more sexist and lewd and dehumanizing comments about women than I can possibly care to catalogue. This is way more than "stories of the unrefined". One can be unrefined without being sexist, homophobic, and harmful. Perhaps someone would say that he's writing for a 'male audience' but if half your audience is chuckling and half is horrified and the divide is gender-based, I'd say it bespeaks some larger societal issue.

We get one tiny glimmer about why Carey is so thoroughly skewed when he talks very shortly about being sexually molested as a child, and dealing with severe depression and multiple suicide attempts as he grew up. Um...what? I hate to link one with the other or too diagnose anyone, but it seems hardly coincidental that these were the two stand-out factors. I wish he was more open about this instead of explicitly hostile and defensive about it -- perhaps some of the gross aspects described in the paragraph above would have been less.

[ஐ Katya (Book Queen)ஐ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'll rate this a 2. It wasn't bad but I wouldn't rave about it either. I'm going to mark it read simply because I'm never going to be able to finish it. I got it as a used audiobook only to discover after listening to the first of two cassettes that the second cassette was missing from inside the case. So threw the entire thing out. I didn't like it enough to bother trying to see if the library had a copy to finish it. And personally, the audiobook version read by the author Drew Carey probably made this better than if you tried to read it. I think the jokes would have been more flat on a page without hearing him tell them. Also, I did not care for the "My Dick is so big..." jokes. Something can't be that funny if he's repeating it in various forms 30 times.

[Owen · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some surprising similarities to be found between this and The Long Hard Road Out of Hell, Marilyn Manson's autobiography. Turns out Marilyn Manson has a great sense of humor, and Drew Carey has a hell of a dark side. I guess it's an Ohio thing... I'll jump on the bandwagon and agree that the short stories at the back of the book are an unexpected bonus that will leave you wanting more. Get on it Drew!

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this much more than I thought I would. I read it because my husband had just finished it - laughing out loud and sharing many of the jokes with me as he read it - and was very touched by how many experiences that he shared. I had nothing else waiting for me to read, so I dove right in. I love the way comedians are able to tell it the way it is...why can't we all do that? Anyways, there was a lot more to the book than jokes, but not the straight laced seriousness of a biography. I have a new understanding and respect for Drew Carey, and can relate to many of his adventures, and mis-adventures, that either I or my husband have duplicated along life's path.

[Rebekkila · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first two sections weren't bad. He mainly talked about his life since he became a TV star. He seemed pretty honest, but there was nothing really interesting except for the fact that he is open about the fact that he has a thing for stripper-types. Usually famous people aren't so forth coming about dating someone that is controversial.

The third part of the book is where he really lost me. Maybe you have to be a man to like his fiction. I am sure that a lot of men reading chick lit would be really put off. His fiction stories kind of mean.

[Wes Branscum · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of Drew Carey, so there was so doubt that I would like his book. His book is broken up into 3 section, the first 2 are pretty good and if he would of continued his 3rd section like the first 2 i would of given him 5 stars,however, the 3rd section is just a waste, its though to read through and makes no sense to the over all book.
They are stories he made up and even tells you that, but they are kind of useless. I had to fight my way though the last part, at times thinking of just stopping and only review the first 2/3rds of the book

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Of all the autobiographical books written by comedians and entertainers I have on my shelves, this is one of my favorites. Granted some chapters are now dated since his sitcom is off the air, but his blue-collar dude fiction is surprisingly visual and its pacing never dull. Punctuating each chapter is a dirty joke, just the right touch from a comedian.

Favorite dick joke? The sandwich at the Carnegie Deli... actually, two sandwiches.

[Tree · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you like Drew Carey, Cleveland, or unpretentious fun, you'll like this book. While it does have some dirty jokes, the book is more of a Drew total stream of conscious. I'd like to see him do another book to see how he's changed and how he's stayed the same, as this book came out around 97 if I remember correctly.

Brilliant writing? Not really, but Drew is smart and down to earth. I bought my copy for less than a dollar on Amazon, and it was well worth the original cover price.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I felt it presented a side of Drew Carey that wasn't normally accessible to the public. It's interesting to see how some of his life experiences shaped who he was. I even liked his original short prose in the second half of the book. Overall it was a decent reading experience and I still like Drew...quirky and unusual as he is.

[Alicia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly skimmed this one. Honestly, the funniest items were the introductory jokes at the beginning of each chapter - which Carey admits he didn't write, but had heard and found funny and wanted to share with others - and the chapter of "101 Big Dick Jokes," which are incredibly raunchy and hysterical over a brewski, which is probably how the author wrote most of them with his buddies.

[Starlight · Rating 4 out of 5]

Drew Carey's sit-com was one of my favorite television shows. I've enjoyed his comedy for years. This book is an insight into how a television sit-com is made. Also, contains plenty of dirty jokes (including a list of *ahem* down there jokes). This is not for the faint of heart or a prude, but anyone who enjoys edgy humor by a friendly comic will enjoy this.

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious and vulgar, this book is like a memoir. Carey is a face in the crowd, but straightforward and honest. This book is funny and refreshing. A poor persons life in suburban Cleveland, what's it's like to have a successful sitcom, how he had success in stand-up comedy. It is like a having a drink with an interesting friend

[Samuel Nolley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scanned some other reviews. Most people seem to agree that his stories and jokes are funny, but differ in appreciation of vulgarity. Most found the person stories candid. The big differences are on the last 1/3rd, his short stories. I found them dark, and raw and great. Others would have preferred more jokes.

[Alan Hoffman]

Said he wanted to write a book of short stories but had to make a deal with his agent to include them in a larger book - that's what this is.



Random topics, some autobiogrphical, some about his show, some outright raunchy - and his semi-serious short stories. I recommend it though.

[Valissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A reread before donation. My husband can’t stand that I like this Ohio comedian (long standing feud he carries on in his Michigan heart), but Carrey is funny, true, and I enjoy his voice. Or at least, this voice. I can’t claim to have kept up with his career after Whose Line . . . which should be seen in schools, it is so funny.

[Jan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a disappointment and didn't live up to the excerpts on the book jacket. I like Drew Carey; I just didn't like the majority of his book. Every once in awhile, he throw something in there which made me continue reading hoping he'd do it again. Those "glimmers" were few and far between and I'm thankful it was a short book.

[Scott Breslove · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very strange little book. Part autobiography, part dirty jokes, part fictional stories, all together odd, or should I say all together Drew. Nothing special here, if you like Drews stuff, you'll probably like this book. If you don't read it, you're not missing anything special. Just another knocked off the bookshelf.

[Jack Herbert Christal Gattanella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another book I listened to as a teenager as I was getting my toes into different stand up comedian / personalities even as I never watched The Drew Carey Show out of lack of interest. But the book was not that bad or offensive to my taste as far as I can remember and a couple of anecdotes about Cleveland stick out

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book i was ever interested in.

All i remember is him falling down the stairs with his pants around his ankles, semi-unconscious already from masturbating too hard because he won a fistfight.

A man among men.

[Cat]

What I learned from this book is that Drew Carey and I have the same birthday. And that he's really entertaining as an anecdotal writer. The chapters are short, the rants are bitter, and the sarcasm is great. Highly amusing.