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Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

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Do you want your little ones to read books; and they want to read the Harry Potter Books; but you do not want them to turn into witches? Well-this is the story for you! This story has all the adventure of JKR's books; but will not lead your children astray. For concerned mommies everywhere! Blessings! Grace Ann

50 pages, ebook

First published October 1, 2014

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Grace Ann Parsons

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Profile Image for Tucker Almengor.
1,063 reviews1,660 followers
September 12, 2020


Okay, now that I have your attention...

This book was awful and it was wonderful.... I simply hope (or pray) that this book was satire... because if it was, then... APPLAUSE for the hilarity... if it's not... oof

This book, to put it simply, is a "Christian" (Ha!) version of Harry Potter and I have seen four-year-olds write better literature...

There was so, so much going wrong. The dialogue was clunky and weird. There was so, so much inconsistency. All of the characters were creepily "peaceful". Also... this was such an inaccurate display of Christianity... I don't claim to know everything about my religion but even I know this was a forking mess.

Overall, this book... was just... a steaming pile of poorly written, oddly creepy, bigoted propaganda.

And, now... I'd like to share one super weird quote from each chapter to give you an idea about how frickin' bad this book is.

Chapter 1 -
"Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn't even prove her own religion.

First off... that grammar. Second, evolution isn't a religion? Also, there is tons of evidence for it. How does this grown woman not know at least one piece of evidence for something we all learned in middle school?

Chapter 2 - New Horizons
"No, no, Harry," Aunt Petunia screeched desperately. "I have an idea. You can have a second birthday today. You like birthdays, right?"

"Birthdays are not of God," Harry verbalized knowingly; and looked at his aunt with an innocent wisdom. "You tried to corrupt me; but it did not work. But I forgive you, Aunt Petunia; because of Luke 23:34.


Once again... grammar and punctuation. But from now on, we'll just say that's a given.

The biggest issue with this part is that Harry has just become a Christian within the last five minutes... and he's suddenly quoting the bible which he hadn't known existed minutes ago? Yup, that makes sense.

Also, Luke 23:34 reads Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.(ignore that part. we don't talk about her)
This verse is the most passive-aggressive thing ever. It's like... sorry, God about my friends here. gosh, they're SO embarrassing in their sin. OOf.

Final note, on chapter 2... Dumbledore and McGonagall are husband and wife... and Hermoine is their freaking child... yikes

Chapter 3 - Dinntertime! (wtf, this chapter title is so creepy)
"Why don't you come with us, then!" Dumbledore cried kindly; and then got down on his knees. Everyone else did the same. Raising his large, massive, manly hands up to the heavens, Dumbledore bellowed in a voice even louder than Hagrid's had been, "Lord, please take us to the kitchen!"

The dialogue is so weird. Who cries kindly? In my mind, a cry is loud and emotional whereas kindly implies a peaceful and calmer. The two words are contradictory.
Also, I get that the author was trying to replace witchcraft with prayer but... it doesn't make any sense. This prayer-magic hybrid follows zero rules whereas the actual magic in Harry Potter has set rules that make sense.

I also love how this is supposed to be a God-fearing (in the sense of Christianity, when I say fear, I don't mean being afraid, I mean having respect or awe) school but they just treat God like Alexa... HEY GOD TELEPORT ME TO THE DINING HALL.

HEY GOD WHAT'S THE WEATHER?

Chapter 4 - Dangerous Days Ahead
"His brain fumbled for the perfect, Christian thing to say; but, before he could even manage a word, Hermione came to a stop in front of a tall, stone tower.

"This is the boys' dormitory," the devout young woman explained kindly; and she gestured to the heavy, oak door beside them. "I would show you inside; but I would hate to cause a scandal."


Oh yeah... Hermoine... The author took everything likable about Hermoine... actually.. this author took everything about Hermoine and threw it in the trash and now she is bland, annoying and boring.

And she would hate to cause a scandal...


also, oh my word... in this chapter, Hermoine couldn't (as in she was physically unable) to open a door but Harry was (and I quote) "a good, devout Christian now" so he prayed and it freaking opened.

Oh, and Voldemort is introduced in the chapter... His evil plan is to get Congress to remove freedom of religion... this just... I can't

Chapter 5 - A New Friend?
""But do they really love the Lord?" Harry posited timidly. "If they do; then why do they worship statues?"

"Dark days are coming," Dumbledore replied earnestly. "We need to be inclusive. If there were only Gryffindor Hats at Hogwarts; then there would not be many people left."

"I see," Harry conceded uncertainly as he walked back to Ronald's overcrowded table. He was getting nervous about this Hat business; but he supposed he did have to trust Dumbledore. After all, grownups know best, right?"


This chapter...! I actually was quite fascinated by this chapter mostly because it got semi-close to saying something I agreed with but also because it was so contradictory... They talked a lot about different denominations of Christianity and Dumbledore almost seemed to be saying "Yeah, it's cool... as long as we have the same core beliefs, everything's fine" (which I could dissect in a whole paper of it's own but we won't go into that now) but then Harry is all... "I'm not sure I trust adults anymore" which was fine but then the chapter ended with verses about children obeying their parents?? It was very strange.

Chapter 6 - Sorting Hats!
"....and he began to eat his oatmeal with his hands.

Why the everloving f**k is Ron eating oatmeal with his hands? WHY?

And then the chapter goes back to different denominations of religion which went even worse than it did previously...
"Of course I only pray to God! Who else would I pray to?"
"What about Mary?" Ronald posited angrily around a mouthful of oatmeal. "You have to at least worship to her!"
"You mean the mommy of Our Lord?" Harry demanded in scandal; and he chewed his bacon. "I don't worship her?"


YoU MeAn ThE mOmMy Of OuR lOrD?? WHAT?

And then Luna Lovegood comes in (which didn't make sense because she's not introduced until later) with her vegan bacon that was actually just vegetables blended up and died red... THEY MADE LUNA LOVEGOOD A HIPPIE YOU GUYS...

And then at the end of the chapter, Harry said something about women not being beneath men but that women were just different then men... which was like the closet thing so far to being something that I slightly agreed with.

Chapter 7 - Wheat and Chaff
"Thank you, Harry," Ronald uttered happily. He may have been sporting a green and black hat with a snake on it; which testified to his Slytherin beliefs; but he could recognize Harry's pure-hearted godliness, generosity, humility, and innocent goodness. He looked around at his siblings, all of them wearing hats identical to his; and he wondered why none of them were like that.

Absolutely NO clue why the chapter was titled that... Also, this chapter continued what the last two chapters had started with different beliefs and all that and it was a complete mess. I also loved how Harry literally told God that he was a Gryffindor... That's what happened in the real books (kind of... not really but you get the idea) but that action does not fit Harry's character (aka placid, glassy eyed Christian) or the story.

Also, Snape has been introduced (as Mr. Snape. Dear god, have mercy)

Chapter 8 - Refreshing Honesty?
"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles," greeted the older but still handsome in a dignified, rugged way amicably."

First of all, ew... second of all... EWWWW. Who described Snap as rugged and handsome... EWWWWWWW
STAHP ITTTTTTT

Also, this isn't the first time this has happened. All the men so far have either been described as handsome or rugged or both... there was a whole sentence describing how good looking Dumbledore's hands were.

Chapter 9 - A Letter At Dinner
""Could I come?" Ronald asked tentatively after he had swallowed his brussel sprouts.
Harry, Hermione, and Dean Thomas exchanged a knowing look; and then Harry answered kindly, "Of course you can."

Wow, rude.

This was a very short chapter and I have nothing to say except that this book is ridiculous.

Chapter 10 - Dangerous Days Are Here
"...the instructor of my new writing class was kind enough to proof-read it-I didn't take all of his suggestions..."

That was taken from the author's note and all I could think when I read that sentence was yOu DiDn'T TaKe hIs SuGgEsTiOnS?? wOw I nEvEr WoUlD hAvE gUeSsEd

In this chapter, Voldemort is spotted at Hogwarts... but even worse than that is his terrible agenda... he's trying to make it illegal to be a Christian, homeschool, and say Merry Christmas... WHAT EVEN?

Chapter 11 - A Challenge!
"Harry gritted his teeth. He had had enough of this! So-called feminists these days call everything sexist. A man respecting his woman and providing for her and giving her the children and home that she truly desires is called woman-hating! Such silliness can make us forget what real sexism looks like. The truth is-women are just as smart as men; and God made us as their equals; but equal does not mean the same; and when we treat men and women as being the same and tell women to go to work all day and forget about her true calling as a wife and mother; then that is the real woman-hating! And then there are people like Draco, who think that God messed up and made women worse than men. And neither is okay."

This chapter went from... Haha this author is really dumb and horrible at writing to straight-up bigotry. Before the chapter even started, the author went on a rant about Catholics which was unkind and awful. And then in the chapter there was a ton of bullshirt about feminism and sexism and it was just quite a big oof.

At the end of the chapter, Draco got mad at Harry and challenged him... to.. a pray-off... WHAT THE HECK? And here I thought this book couldn't get any weirder

Chapter 12 -
"Harry, Dean Thomas, and Hermione exchanged a knowing look. It wasn't Ronald's fault. It was just how he had been raised. Slytherin Hats do not usually question authority. They think they just need to do what the head Slytherin Hats tell them to do. They never think that maybe the Lord's work is important."

We have a lot to dissect from this chapter. Firstly, now the author is saying that it's okay to disobey authority if you believe it's the Lord's work which is so very contradicting what had been said earlier.

Also, this quote:
" That's right," Dean Thomas said wisely, and not a single word was mispronounced. He had dressed quite respectably for the occasion. His face was scrubbed quite cleanly. Any mommy would be proud to have him for her son.

Not a single word was mispronounced? Hmm, maybe that was because he said two words, both of them being monosyllabic. Also... his face scrubbed quite cleanly? That just sounds wrong and weird.

And finally, Harry made Draco a Gryffindor... because... just because.

Chapter 13 - A Visitors to Hogwarts!
"Ronald was next in line. Tears were streaming down his face and his nose was running down to his chin. He wiped his face with a big freckled hand. He stuck out the other one for Harry to shake. Harry generously returned the action.

Wow, Harry. SO generous of you to shake your friend's hand.

Also, Voldemort visited Hogwarts... in a car... and sweatpants.

Chapter 14 - Bravely Defeating the Foe!
"Voldemort blinked stupidly again and questioned evilly, "Wait, this is about my Reddit account?"

So, in the end... It turns out the Voldemort is just an internet troll so everyone yells at him and then tries to turn him good via good old prayer... but he walks away.

And the book is (FINALLY) over.

Overall -
This book was a hot, steaming mess. The grammar and punctuation were awful. There were so many inconsistencies. The characters were weird. The dialogue was awkward. This book is truly one of the poorest written things I have ever read.

No one knows if this is satire or not. Either way, I say that it's worth a read if you're in the mood to laugh at something so outlandish and dumb.

Happy reading!

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Profile Image for Ashley.
98 reviews
May 28, 2016
I sincerely hope this was a mockery of the intensified beliefs of some Christians. If not, well, I'm going to challenge Grace-Ann Parsons to a pray-off.
Profile Image for Homaira.
210 reviews24 followers
May 17, 2018
I take off my hat to you, dear author. Flawless execution. You are an icon for satire writers everywhere. I'm speechless. This was fantastic!
- Impressed reader

And here are some other reviews from Fanfiction.net that were too entertaining to be lost to oblivion:
Wonky Faint chapter 14 . 1h ago
Just had to elaborate on my praise.

You outdid yourself with the adverbs in this chapter. A most fitting adverbial climax. I especially enjoyed how wicked, godless, and depraved Voldemort was as he departed at the end.

Loved the first mention of the Reddit account. It was where you started to slide the mask off more vigorously, as the Grace Ann we've all grown to know would probably be too sheltered to know what Reddit is.

Then Dumbledore's melodramatic "godless coven" remark was pure gold. And then I LOL'd when Harry sniped about Voldie's spelling and grammar. Such a wonderful knowing wink to Grace Ann's writing!

Love how you recognize how both extremes can produce caricatures of themselves. And it's interesting to ponder how ready we are to believe that truly extreme views are the norm, but yet if you read comments on news, you will find that those extreme views do seem to exist out there, making your attempt at satire disturbingly possible, if not terribly probable.

Loved that screaming is the work of the Lord. Sometimes it does feel like that because you only hear the most vocal proponents and their screaming is what makes them vocal. The moderates slip under the radar, but hopefully are more the norm.

"I thought it might be at first, but it was too realistic." Delightful commenter-mocking gold. Poe's law isn't it? It's impossible to tell a true extremist zealot from a sophisticated troll? Life imitating art.

Then you call out your audience. How could we have been so drawn in when you weren't being subtle? And you really weren't really subtle at all! Except we've all seen someone comment somewhere (or we've seen someone on the news) who espouses the beliefs Grace Ann expressed. Creationists, misogynists, racists…. They all exist - sometimes bundled into one person. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility, but it was suspicious that you hit so many hot-buttons. It should have been obvious, and it's a sad commentary on our society that it wasn't.

And D's observation that it's what most atheists (or the reader can substitute Christians in this self-conscious concluding chapter) are like today. Is it, or is it just how they are perceived because a few very loud ones are like that?

Then you're big reveal, which some commenters seem to have missed. Not many, but there are still a few, remarkably.

Then the extremist not listening to reason while accusing the opposition of doing the same. Not listening at all really.

Really well done! You skewered us all!
Guest chapter 14 . 4h ago
Oh my god. This was the funniest ending I've ever read.

Thank you for confirming my faith in humanity and that you are a troll and there isn't actually somebody out there who wants to rewrite Harry Potter. Also, thank you for 'apologizing' through Voldemort for perpetuating stereotypes :)

I enjoyed your story very much, and understand why you cut it short. Enjoy your life as a troll. *tips hat*

BellPo chapter 14 . 7h ago
That was amazing. Bravo! Bravo! You have successfully trolled everyone and you executed this whole thing flawlessly. I tip my hat to you.

V chapter 14 . 7h ago
Oh man, i just got so trolled. You're a legend. You are such a legend!

Guest chapter 12 . 8h ago
HE DID NOT MISPRONOUNCE "THAT'S RIGHT"! WHAT A SAINT!

Firechemist chapter 5 . 7h ago
This surpasses My Immortal by a long shot. I couldn't read My Immortal - it was worthless BS. THIS is masterful satire. How the author manages to offend EVERYONE WHO READS IT is totally ingenious - atheists, Christians, career women, Evolutionists, those averse to chest hair references, writers who strive to uphold the sanctity of the English language with all of its properly-used semicolons and adverbs…
And then in the last chapter, the author throws our own silly indignation back into our faces.
OMG.
A genius troll.
Profile Image for Lurva.
303 reviews88 followers
July 14, 2020
Folks...I have spent two hours reading this and I have not regretted it because Voldemort drives an eco-friendly car and apparently that is a bad thing.

okay... proceed at your own risk of brain damage for GOLDEN QUOTES such as Truly, this woman was a real Proverbs 31 wife straight out of Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles

▷"Wow!" Harry shouted in awe. He was still getting used to the power of prayer! Sometimes, we take the wonderful things the Lord gives us for granted; and it takes a newcomer to the fold for us to understand just how blessed we are! "That was amazing!"
Hagrid smiled knowingly. "God is an amazing guy."

▷Dumbledore introduced magnanimously. "Harry, I would like you to meet Hermione Granger, my beloved daughter."

▷Harry’s aunt had never taught him how to talk to pretty girls. She always said that pretty girls were shallow and not very smart and that a real woman put her career first and didn't care about her looks; but it only took one look at this godly young girl to realize just how wrong that was! A woman taking pride in her appearance is honoring the Lord; because after all, it is the Lord who gave her a pretty face and nice hair. Taking care of that is important!

"There is a man named Voldemort who wants to destroy all that we stand for. He is pushing an agenda in congress which will stop us from practicing our faith freely."

▷"It will be alright," Harry reassured manfully. "We will just need to pray really, really hard! That's why we're here, after all."

▷Dumbledore allowed tentatively. "For instance, I am a Gryffindor Hat. We believe everything in the Bible; and only the Bible. That redheaded roommate of yours is a Slytherin Hat."
"And Slytherins worship statues?" Harry queried innocently.

wtf is a slytherin hat

▷"But wait-that is not all!" Ronald continued excitedly. "Gryffindor Hats believe in the Bible, too. But Slytherins have even more. We have a book full of guidelines on how to be a good person, and a whole panel of Slytherin Hats to tell us what to do."

▷"What do Hufflepuff Hats believe in?" Harry pondered aloud. Oh, how he wanted to find the true Hat!
"Hufflepuff Hats believe in the Bible; but only some of it," Luna explained casually. "We don't believe in the stuff against fornication and drinking and socialism; but we really like Matthew 7:1; and that's about it. We're really fun and we seem really nice and really tolerant as long as you agree with us!"

▷"Please, ignore this fool," Draco drawled smugly. "Luna here thinks she can have a career even though she's a woman; and women are stupid."
Harry gaped at this horrible person. What a mean thing to say!
"Women shouldn't not have careers because women are stupid!" Harry shouted indignantly. "Women are not stupid at all! Women should not have careers because women are nurturing and loving and their gifts serve them best in the home!"

▷"Well-well-you should just become a Ravenclaw Hat, like me," Draco sputtered blusteringly. "We really are the best Hat."
"I think you mean, 'We really are the most hateful hat,'" Harry corrected cleverly; and then he jumped up onto the table; and he got down on his knees; and he raised his hands to the ceiling of the Great Hall; and he bellowed, "Dear Lord, I have made my decision! I am a GRYFFINDOR HAT!"

▷Harry had expected his eggs to be cold by now-what with all the hullabaloo-but lo and behold, they were still piping hot. He would not pretend that what Ronald believed about worshipping the dead; but he could still offer the young boy friendship in the spirit of Matthew 2:16-17.

▷"Well," Mr. Snape said; and he drew his tall, strapping form up to its full, impressive height, "There are dark forces in the world; and they do not like Christians. And when I say Christians; I mean Gryffindor Hats. They love the Hufflepuff Hats; because the Hufflepuff Hats believe everything these people say and slap the label "Christian" onto that philosophy; and so the Hufflepuff Hats make it easier. The Ravenclaw Hats, these people claim not to like; but then they pretend that the Ravenclaw Hats' extremism applies to all Christians; so the Ravenclaw Hats help them."

▷"Would you look at that," Dean Thomas murmured observantly. As he read, he whispered the article's terrible words: "Voldemort was spotted by several students yesterday at Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. This is the man who is trying to put a bill through congress to stop Christians from practicing their beliefs. If passed, homeschooling will be illegal. Christians will be put in jail—maybe even killed—unless they say the Bible says what Voldemort wants it to say. Saying "Merry Christmas!" or hanging up the Ten Commandments will put you in a "re-education program"."

▷Dean Thomas nodded sagely, "First they try to change the Pledge of Allegiance. Now they don't want us to be Christians. Next they'll be killing us all. It's a bad time to be a true Christian in America."

▷Harry gritted his teeth. He had had enough of this! So-called feminists these days call everything sexist. A man respecting his woman and providing for her and giving her the children and home that she truly desires is called woman-hating! Such silliness can make us forget what real sexism looks like. The truth is-women are just as smart as men; and God made us as their equals; but equal does not mean the same; and when we treat men and women as being the same and tell women to go to work all day and forget about her true calling as a wife and mother; then that is the real woman-hating! And then there are people like Draco, who think that God messed up and made women worse than men. And neither is okay.
"That is a mean thing to say!" Harry screamed bravely, and he banged his fists on the table so hard that the plates bounced. "Draco was being a bully to the ladies!"

▷Harry smiled holily at the sanctimonious fool. Draco shook his fist. "I'll get you for this, Potter! Tonight, after dinner, in the courtyard-we will have a pray-off!"

▷Ronald was starting to ask the big questions-questions which just might lead him to salvation. Just think what would have happened if Harry had not known to love the sin and not the sinner!

▷"Well, well, Potter," Draco drawled smugly. "Looks like you came to the pray-off after all."
"That's right," Harry answered courageously.
"Well then," Draco grinned self-righteously. "Let's pray."
Harry and Draco got down on their knees and raised their hands to the sky.
"I'll go first, because God loves me best," Draco declared confidently. With that, he shouted, "Dear Lord, if you agree with me that women are stupid and Potter is wrong, please strike him down where he kneels."

▷Harry raised his hands far higher than Draco's had been; and he screamed, in a voice far louder than Draco's had been, "Dear Lord, if you agree with me that women are just as good as men but just different, please….." For a second he thought about asking for Draco to be struck down. But then he was overcome with mercy. "Please make him a Gryffindor Hat!"

▷some highlights of the author's note:
So, here is another chapter for all you mommies out there, and all you non-believers spreading hatred-well-let's see if you aren't converted by the time this story's over =)

To the people who say that I am "spreading hate"-take a look at some of the comments posted here; saying that I am a terrible writer and a terrible mother whose children will hate her one day. Who is it who is spreading hate here? Because I don't think it's me!

I have good news! Starting tonight, I will be taking a beginning writer's course at the local community college! Through all the hate from Evolutionists, Feminists, and Romanists, there has been some legitimate criticism of my writing skills. 


for some reason, the author insisted writing in the consistent form of Noun+Verb+adjective-ends-in-ly in every sentence. IN EVERY SENTENCE
how could this not be a joke


▷ McGonagall commented daintily
Hermione sobbed femininely
Harry queried questioningly
Harry reassured manfully
Ronald screeched joyously
replied Dumbledore knowledgeably
Harry pondered sensitively
Dumbledore smiled smartly
Draco chortled pompously
Voldemort lied dishonestly
Voldemort questioned hedonistically

ok now I'm at ch10 the author said she took a writing lesson and the mentioned phenomenon had lessened noticeably apparently this is not written as a joke

and she really liked Dean Thomas seeing as Dean Thomas
questioned articulately/queried coherently/concurred intelligently/observed accurately/uttered fluently/responded eloquently/murmured observantly/nodded sagely/commented perceptively.

Also she kept calling her Dean Thomas like he's a dean named Thomas i.e. ‘Harry, Hermione, Dean Thomas, and Ronald all walked solemnly back to the main campus.’
and "That's right," Dean Thomas said wisely, and not a single word was mispronounced. 
how do you mispronounce That's right

Examples of Hermione depicted as feminine
Hermione replied obediently with an innocent girlish smile
Hermione declared gladly, delicate tears streaming down her face
Lovely, ladylike tears began to roll down Hermione‘s delicate, terrified face. 

Finally, Voldemort depicted as the sanest person convinced me this is in fact, a satirical work of genius trolling Christianity.

"What? I don't hate Christians," Voldemort lied dishonestly. "What are you even talking about?"

"You're still pretending to be dumb," the Reverend Dumbledore pointed out truthfully. "We know all about your plot to illegalize Christianity, Voldemort."

Voldemort blinked stupidly again and questioned evilly, "Wait, this is about my Reddit account?"


Author's note at the last chapter:
My husband and I had a very long talk last night; and he doesn't think that posting my writing online and going to classes is a good idea for our family. It was a hard decision for me to accept; but he does know best.

HYSTERICAL
Profile Image for Olivia Ballantyne.
50 reviews1 follower
April 1, 2019
This fanfiction, in my opinion, is only second to My Immortal in being the best in the world.
Profile Image for Jerry.
3 reviews
May 17, 2018
Oh. Dear. Darwin. No! That is all that will be said about this stinking slab of garbage. This horrible waste of trees. This semicolon overusing, vocabulary butchering, atheist and Christian bashing, woman shaming, adjective wasting hunk o' crapola. Now excuse me while I burn this horror.
45 reviews30 followers
October 16, 2015
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS ON GOODREADS.

Best fan fiction ever.

EDIT
You should really check out the dramatic readings of this. They're so beautiful. This is just art.
Profile Image for Kai.
188 reviews3 followers
October 25, 2018
This brief online work is one of the most brilliant pieces of satire ever written. Through the first chapters, you are godfully dazzled by the extraneous and hilarious use of adverbs and adjectives. The premise by itself is funny, but the writing elevates it to a new level. The real mastery comes in the other aspects of the way it was constructed. First, the name of the author: Grace Ann Parsons. It suits the content so well. The blurbs that start each chapter in response to comments are divine, lending further realism to the project. We see an evolution in the project as reader comments, many of whom think it to be real, are used to adapt the story and the persona of the author. Those who are faithful until the end are rewarded with a doozy of a last chapter that settles any doubt about whether this is a project from a truly deluded Christian housewife or a brilliant satirist:
"Ok, you know what, this has gone too far. I'm sure that most people can tell that I'm not being serious, but if I'm contributing to misinformation and stereotypes, I don't feel comfortable continuing this." -Voldemort
AND YET, despite all of these clear statements that it was a joke, "I am a troll," etc., people still believe it is a real project! This is perhaps the most telling aspect of the success that Grace Ann has realized: people read the first chapter and have already made up their minds. No matter what is revealed in the later chapters about it not being a real project, people fail to change their minds to adapt to this new information. So many comments on the story, reviews here on Goodreads, and rants elsewhere believe that Grace Ann is truly everything that she says she is. This elevates the story from a funny satire about hardcore Christianity into a "satire" of the readers themselves-one that has much scarier implications in the current world of news and information bubbles.
Profile Image for Nico.
80 reviews26 followers
May 6, 2020
I am now a "fornicating, drug addicted evolutionist" that can't have a career and will only be crying delicate, lady like tears from now on.
Profile Image for Madi Seamons.
8 reviews
April 19, 2018
You can read this if you’re willing to wash your brain with bleach after. This is so horribly written, and it doesn’t stay consistent. The author has a horrendous writers voice and I can’t take any of her authors notes seriously. The voice that this sexist mother protrudes is a disgrace to writing. I have dabbled in writing, and this horrible woman cannot write for the life of her. This needs to be erased from humanity. DO NOT EVER ATTEMPT TO READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 review
August 26, 2019
The most beautiful piece of satire I have ever read. Seriously, READ THIS. Really set the bar for satire.
Profile Image for Emilie.
174 reviews43 followers
February 18, 2019
Guys this is the funniest thing I have ever read.

I feel like the author meant well, but this is so insane, it’s funny. Apparently Luna is a Hufflepuff and a hippy, Draco is incredibly sexist, Ron is a Catholic (which is bad for some reason), and Voldemort has a Reddit account. Also, they are all southern soooooo. And, Dumbledore and McGonagall are married and Hermione is their daughter. This whole thing is very confusing and my head is still reeling.

For the author, you ok hun? Your husband made you quit writing which is not ok.

I’m not commenting on your writing style, because it’s actually pretty good (better than Twilight), but the message your sending is that people that celebrate birthdays and believe in Evolution or science are going to hell. But I mean, you do you and worship how you want.
Profile Image for Sandra Dawson.
1 review
November 17, 2016
Sorry, this piece of fan fiction came across as non-fan. All that made Harry Potter magical and a wonderful read was shredded out and replaced with a very heavy hand with god speak and prayer.

Profile Image for g a b s ⚡.
38 reviews81 followers
October 12, 2020
thank you, elle! this book was so cute :') i really don't know what else to say about it because i don't want to offend anyone. i get that not everyone is religious, but i think everyone should read this book. 4.7/5, recommended to everyone uwu
Profile Image for BookLionQueen.
485 reviews38 followers
May 2, 2019
Continuing the bad fan-fiction train with this... gem. I am sad that this book is a thing and that some people think this way.
Profile Image for Robin.
288 reviews10 followers
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May 15, 2020
a nightmare... literally a nightmare
6 reviews
January 19, 2019
I go back and read this every so often, and it remains one of my favorite works of satire. Absolutely stunning. Some things I love about this work of literary art:

- The way the character literally just teleport by praying to go somewhere
- McGonagall prays for God to set the table and make dinner. It works
- The imagery of angels swooping into the great hall, and Dean Thomas casually remarking "The mail's here"
- The literal baseball caps
- The meta story of Grace Ann and her writing class
- The liberal sprinkling in of bible verses
- The last chapter. Just. The entire last chapter. It's incredible and I love it. It's use of adverbs? Completely unnecessary and difficult to read, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi when contrasted against Tom's dialogue.

Anyway, it's pretty good. If you stopped halfway through cause you couldn't deal with the whole religion thing? Honestly, I don't blame you, but I encourage you to give it another shot. The last chapter pulls the whole thing together and the last line is just fantastic. So give it a go! Read it to your loved ones! I know I did!
Profile Image for Vanessa.
141 reviews
May 11, 2019
“Ebook”
Edit: there’s a parentheses after the title and it’s the most annoying thing to look at second to this “book”
Profile Image for Ante97.
7 reviews
April 26, 2018
If this is actually satire, then I would rate this much higher. It's an excellent parody of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity in the United States and an exposé of its hypocritical and extreme beliefs.

In this fan-fiction, Harry Potter is living with the Durseleys who are stereotyped as radical atheists who believe in every word of "the Dawkins". Hagrid, to whom the author appears to be transferring her repressed sexual desires with descriptions of his "manly chest hair", comes and converts Harry to Christianity in a matter of seconds and the "little one" (as the author is so prone to call her child protagonists) is instantly a biblical scholar. They go to the titular Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles where the Reverend Dumbledore (who is married to Minerva and whose daughter is a completely OOC Hermione) introduces Harry to the power of magic prayer and miracles, which involve God opening doors and providing the students with bacon (and less for the girls, of course!). Ron is a Slytherin, this universe's equivalent of Catholics, who are portrayed as a crazy death cult. Luna is a Hufflepuff, the equivalent of the more liberal branches of Christianity and Draco is a Ravenclaw, some sort of even more extreme fundamentalist church. Harry's time at Hogwarts involves a prayer battle with Draco, religious conversions, meeting Dean Thomas (to whom the author always refers by his first name and with some epithet emphasizing his "proper" behavior), and praying to 'save' Voldemort, who is a troll on Reddit who the "protagonists" believe is planning to ban Christianity.

Overall, this is a bizarre Harry Potter trollfic in the tradition of "My Immortal" and is worth the read if you're bored and entertained by satire of religion. Reader beware: the grammar and lexicon of the author are atrocious!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
18 reviews
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March 23, 2018
Personal response: I really disliked Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles by Grace Ann Parsons. The author just took the names of the characters in the original books and changed everything about them. I would not read more by this author.

Plot Summary: The book starts out with Harry and his family- the Dursleys- making breakfast. While making breakfast, Hagrid stops in and tells Harry that he is accepted into Hogwarts. Harry goes with Hagrid to Hogwarts, and leaves his family. At Hogwarts, Harry meets Professor Dumbledore and his wife Minerva. They have a child named Hermione. Harry instantly likes them and has dinner with them. The next day Harry got to choose his hat, which meant what religion he would practice. He picked Gryffindor, which is the same as Dumbledore and the rest of his family. Harry also made a new friend named Ron who is a Slytherin hat. Throughout the story, Harry tries to convert Ron to Gryffindor. Harry is told by Dumbledore that Voldemort is trying to make Christianity illegal. This angers Harry and the rest of the students at Hogwarts. Voldemort then comes to Hogwarts and is defeated by Dumbledore and the whole Christian faith is saved.

Recommendation: I would not recommend this book to anyone because it is nothing like Harry Potter. I think the author should not have used the characters from the original Harry Potter books and instead use different names. I would only recommend this book to people who are very religious or who do not enjoy the original Harry Potter books.
Profile Image for Shrek.
156 reviews1 follower
October 29, 2018
KFBSKND OKAY THIS ONE WASNT EVEN FUNNY LIKE. W H A T

i get this was a troll but like. WHAT

the weird focus on chest hair, the overuse of semicolons and dashes, why one earth are the phrases “little ones” and “mommy” used SO MUCH ITS CREEPY, the Protestant views on Catholicism that are so inaccurate it actually hurt.... like this just wasn’t funny like my immortal. it had nothing goin for it

LIKE SHE LIT MADE SLYTHERIN THE CATHOLIC HOUSE!!!! ALSO RON THE CATHOLIC AND HIS PARENTS HAVING THE NEED TO “HAVE KIDS TOO MANY KIDS THEY COULDNT TAKE CARE OF” I WAS LEFIT OFFENDED FOBSODBDK. ALSO THE FOCUS ON “CAREER WOMAN” AND ALL THAT DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED

why are dumbledore and mcgonagle married? why is hermione their child? why is seamus finnegan a tEACHER? WHY IS SNAPE’S FIRST NAME GREG???? “harry, dean, and hermione shared a knowing look” STOP skbskKXBKANZ. ALSO APPARENTLY THE POPE IS SOCIALIST WTHHHHH
Profile Image for yasha.
150 reviews4 followers
January 16, 2019
This was hilarious. A satirical work of genius, and I'd highly recommend everyone to take about an hour out of their day to read the glorious trainwreck that is Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. Might very well be the cleverest thing I've read in a while, even though I at multiple times found myself sobbing at how stupid it seems.
Profile Image for Imena Ginac.
85 reviews10 followers
May 6, 2020
This is hilarious! For everyone who needs to have a good laugh and needs to get out of a bad mood.

Dumbledore in Cowboy boots
Greg Snape
Mr Sprout
Hermione with a kitten hat

Do I need to say more?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Kotarah.
171 reviews3 followers
May 6, 2020
After this, I want to have a pray off. And I now have found my place as a woman.

This book cures depression.
Profile Image for Valentina.
208 reviews22 followers
Read
May 7, 2020
the funniest thing I've even been read.... Thank you Dani and Sara for reciting to me <3
Profile Image for Tobi トビ.
1,144 reviews100 followers
June 6, 2023
i can’t believe this short story was so good that JKRowling based seven whole books on it and now it’s like one of the worlds most popular franchises
Profile Image for Daniel Berryment.
15 reviews
March 27, 2023
If I hadn’t read this book it would only be a matter of time before I become a fornicating, drug-addicted, Evolutionist.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 103 reviews

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