Read in protest of ridiculous "sensitivity" changes made by money-grubbing English-language publisher (Puffin/Penguin Random House) and new rightsholders (i.e., Netflix, as the Dahl estate abdicated all responsibility while coincidentally discovering nearly $700 million on their bank statement).
First the review: this is a wicked and wonderful book - just brilliant. Quentin Blake's illustrations are (as usual) spot-on. Now for the rant.
One thing I have noticed when perusing the hundreds of silly changes made in the books (originally reported by the Daily Telegraph) is that many of them absolutely destroy clever things like alliteration, which is something that Dahl employed brilliantly.
For example, in this book Grandma (who has been made gigantic through the Marvelous Medicine) hurls epithets at her family (who have remained normal size) and uses the phrase "miserable midgets" (p.61) which has now been changed to "miserable bunch" and later, after she has been shrunk, says "How would you feel if you'd been a glorious giant a minute ago and suddenly you're a miserable midget" (p.86), in which "a miserable midget" has been changed to "almost invisible." In the first case, the revision misses the crucial distinction of size, and in both cases they lose the alliteration (yet "glorious giant" remains, without its balancing partner - this is basic rhetoric and the "editors" don't get it).
Clearly, alliteration is important in this book. It's all over the place - and just look at the title! Other instances of the literary device have also been destroyed: "horny hand" (in fact, it's "huge horny hand" on p.80) is apparently now "wrinkly hand" - which is not at all the same thing. And "the skinny old hag's head" (p.84) is just "her skinny old head." "Frisky as a ferret" has twice been changed (pp.60 & 63), first to "lively as a ferret," and the second instead makes reference to "a new lease of life." Ugh. Elsewhere a reference to George's father's "huge head" (p.49) has been removed. All fictional heads must be the same size, or if they are not, we can't possibly mention anything about the distinction. I mean, just imagine what might ensue if we didn't do this.
On p.10, we are told George hated "that horrid old witchy woman" because on pp.8-9 Grandma has creepily told him, "Some of us have magic powers that can twist the creatures of this earth into wondrous shapes...." and other similar things. However, the revisions kill the alliteration, removing the entirely apt word "witchy." Just dumb.
But it's not just alliteration that suffers. When George is out collecting animal medicine, he finds a bottle for "cows, bulls and bullocks" and (quite wittily, I think) refers to Grandma as "that grumpy old cow in the living room." (p.24) See what he did there? Well, apparently the bowdlerizers did not see, because that whole phrase has been replaced with just "Grandma" instead. On p.58, when George and his father are "running around and getting excited about the enormous animals," the father says, "Don't listen to the old goat," meaning Grandma. But again, a clever and relevant animal reference has been removed and she is instead "the old grump." Dumb again.
I also note that the ignorant idiots removed reference to "bullocks" (p.63) - probably because they don't know the difference between that word and "bollocks." Dumb and dumber.
Of course, there are other examples of stupidity, such as removing evidence of ownership ostensibly due to sexist stereotypes (on p.29, "his father's toolshed" is now just "the toolshed" and on p.18, "Mummy's dressing table" is now "the dressing table"). Now really - who's to say that father doesn't have an entirely separate dressing table or that Mummy doesn't have her own toolshed? How very insensitive to make such sexist assumptions that this couldn't be the case! Or is it that all property must be collectively owned? "His father was a farmer" (p.1, again note the alliteration) has been changed to "His parents were farmers" (note the lack of alliteration) - but why on earth are we assuming that his mother is also a farmer? Isn't that kind of patriarchical that the mother would need to do the same thing as the father? Why couldn't his mother be an author or even a top scientist? This smacks of more sexism. "Mummy's as stupid as you are" (p.6) has been changed to "Mummy and Daddy are as stupid as you are" - thanks for the egalitarian tarring with a broad brush. Apparently there is just no hope for Daddy. If he's got a stupid wife, he must be stupid himself. All people are exactly the same. I guess this is that equity thing I keep hearing about.
BTW, I also note that in their incompetence, the vandals actually left in several references to an "aerosol can" (pp.16 & 18). What child in this day and age has ever seen an aerosol spray can of deodorant? For heaven's sake, think of the children - and the ozone layer!
And just so you don't think that all the changes are just inconsequential bits that don't affect the overall story at all, the last two pages have had large and important chunks completely removed.
After Grandma entirely disappears, we are told, "'That's what happens to you if you're grumpy and bad-tempered,' said Mr. Kranky. 'Great medicine of yours, George.'" (Grandma was George's father's mother-in-law, so you know.)
As one might expect, George's mother is more concerned, confusedly wondering what has happened, "But she calmed down quite quickly. And by lunchtime, she was saying, 'Ah well, I suppose it's all for the best, really. She was a bit of a nuisance around the house, wasn't she?'
"'Yes," Mr. Kransky said. 'She most certainly was.'" (pp.88-9)
Both of those quoted passages are gone. Simply gone. The following four sentences remain unchanged: "George didn't say a word. He felt quite trembly. He knew something tremendous had taken place that morning. For a few brief moments he had touched with the very tips of his fingers the edge of a magic world." - but this wordless reaction is NOT to his parents' shrugging and accepting response to the elimination of Grandma from the world, but rather to the much earlier puzzled reaction by his mother ("Mrs. Kransky kept wandering around with a puzzled look on her face, saying, 'Mother, where are you? Where've you gone? Where've you got to? How can I find you?'")
So it changes things entirely. The new version is NOT the same book as the old one. Be sure to grab the real book while you still can. Accept no substitutes.