Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.
To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.
Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.
Robyn writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include shoes (the expensive kind), Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, and bejeweled reading glasses. A former professional actress, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count. Writing gives her a chance to have a job where working in her P.J.’s is acceptable. You can follow Robyn at http://www.robynpeterman.com and at Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-P....
Robyn Peterman is a funny chick! She knows how to bring on the laughter that makes you look crazy because you are laughing like a loon while reading.
This book is a combination of two other series: Chicagoland Vampires - with another Ethan and a much better version of Merit, and Undead and Unwed - with Betsy's fashion sense and wit.
Our hero is named Astrid and she is just turned into a vampire without her consent. She has to join a vampire "house", like a fraternity, and meets the vampire prince named Ethan. Ethan immediately claims her as his mate and also proclaims that she is "the chosen one". She is immediately put on his elite security team. See? How much more Chicagoland Vampires can it get?
Astrid is obsessed with Prada. She joins the house that dresses only in Prada, and will give her Prada clothes, bags, and shoes. She's a self-confessed Prada-whore living in a small town in Kentucky. She's also tall, smart-mouthed, and swears like a sailor. See again? Undead and Unwed anyone?
There is some steamy stuff in this one too. It's hilarious that Ethan can hear her thoughts. I don't think I would want my hubs to hear my thoughts, although I don't think they would be quite as "sexy" as hers are:
you'd never know he was older than dirt in the bedroom. He was a total rock star in the sack. I didn't even know people did some of the stuff we did. I couldn't wait to do it again.
"Um.... Angel, I can hear you," he laughed.
Yeah, my husband reading my mind would go something like this:
"Just pick a damn channel already!"
"Touch my fries and you're dead!"
"Is he starting to bald? Cuz, I'm not into bald dudes."
"You want to take out the trash. You want to do it now."
"Holy shit, is he EVER going to get some new underwear?"
Yeah, so, I don't think that mates reading each other's minds would work so well in the real world. I would rather be a mystery to my husband that he can't possibly figure out (because men think we are so damn hard to get. Really? Are they trying that hard?). And, I don't need to hear the sound of a monkey clanging cymbals together as I am assuming is what's happening in his head. It's much better this way.
Fashionably Dead by Robyn Peterman Book 1 of The Hot Damned Series. Paranormal romance. Astrid is now a vampyre. Aka vampire. Her life has taken a drastic change. But the win, no diets, minions, and a really hot lover. Plus she’s the Chosen One. That makes her special, right?
Hilarious, extreme sarcasm, gross demons being cannibals and a steamy romance between the shouting and interruptions. Crazy. Fun. Unbelievable weird. Typical Robyn Peterman.
🎧 I alternated between a paperback and an audiobook. Both were highly entertaining, the audio a bit more so because the narrator had impeccable timing. My only criticism is that it’s the same narrator was the used for the Midlife Crisis series which I’ve already read so I had to made a concentrated effort to remember this was a different series and different heroine. There are differences but there are quite a few similarities as well. Bottom line, loved the humor and the voices and the pacing by narrator Jessica Almasy.
I'd give this 1.5 stars if I could. Is this 'it's not you, it's me'? Probably. Fashionably Dead met my three-strikes rule fairly quickly:
1) (Stereotypically) average girl turns into a vampire, but wait for it - she is a special vampire, with a special purpose. *cough-cough*MarySue*cough*cough* And everyone loves her, of course, except for the girl who wants her boyfriend. 2) Tries so hard to be funny that it's annoying. Characters who look exactly like celebrities? Gah. And why is Oprah acting like Wanda Sykes? 3) Heroine acts half her age. Aside from the general lack of maturity, the whole "nursing" on Pam thing TOTALLY squicks me out. Completely. I may actually be scarred for life.
Since I feel like I've read this book 100 times over, I don't think I'll be checking out the sequel(s).
I saw this title with a fab review from the awesome Darynda Jones on FB, and for this price I just had to buy it.
And I'm so glad I did!!
This book is hilarious, heart breaking, dirty, sexy and an all together fun read that'll have you begging for more and wondering where the hell book two is.
Astrid is a 29 year old woman living life her way. A smart mouthed, smoking, black raspberry chip ice cream loving Prada whore who teaches art to a bunch of lovable, perverted and foul mouthed old people, she loves her life and can't stand the thought of changing. But that choice is taken from her after she finally decides to dump the love of her life- Marlboro Lights- instead of forking out a thousand bucks to her best friend if she loses a bet, and goes to a hypnotist.
Or so she thinks.
Waking up with no memory of how she got in her bed, incredible hearing and scent and a foul mouthed Oprah look alike who just happens to be an angel telling her she's now a vampyre, Astrid kinda sorta loses it. Throw in adorably ugly baby demons, a fairy that could double as Arnold with horrendously hilarious fashion sense and a prophecy she wants nothing to do with, and you have one fanfreakingtastic story.
Did I mention the drop dead gorgeous vampyres??
I L-O-V-E-D this book and can not wait until I can get my greedy little hands on book two. The characters are real, the emotions powerful, the sex hot hot HOT, and the humor is absolutely hilariously borderline crazy. I haven't laughed this much while reading in a very long time.
Leave your blush at the door, forget what is politically correct...pretty sure Bram Stoker has nothing to worry about, but I'm also pretty sure Robyn Peterman doesn't care!
Astrid just wanted and easy way to quit smoking and not gain weight, sounds normal, right? Why not try hypnotism? Name your adage about that, clearly Astrid got more than she bargained for, although she definitely won’t be inhaling nicotine anytime soon, like EVER and gaining weight probably won’t be an issue, either because our girl is now a Vampyre. Maybe we should call her a Glampyre…either way, get ready to laugh out loud as Robyn Peterman makes creatures that go bump in the night a lot less scary.
FASHIONABLY DEAD is a rapid-fire one woman comedy show from start to finish. Prepare yourselves for sarcasm, LOTS of foul language, hot vamps, vamp ogling and Astrid, who is about to become the best-dressed fulfillment of a prophecy ever!
Have fun with this one as angels and fairies and vampires come alive, or un-alive like you have never seen them before. Bram Stoker is probably turning over in his grave and Vlad in his coffin!
Series: Hot Damned - Book 1 Publication Date: September 2, 2013 Publisher: Robyn Peterman Genre: Paranormal Romantic Comedy Print Length: 320 pages Available from: Amazon | Barnes & Noble For Reviews, Giveaways, Fabulous Book News, follow: http://tometender.blogspot.com
I was drawn to this book by the cover, to me at least it just said 'come see what I have in store', gotta admit I was seriously glad I took notice. After reading the blurb I bumped it straight to the top of my tbr and that pretty much was that. I loved this book, the snarky one-liners and banter really made me laugh. There was not one character that fell short of what seemed to be their purpose throughout the book, I loved the good guys and hated the bad guys. There were a lot of characters throughout the book but at no point did I find it hard to keep track of who was who, they were all introduced in such a way that they quickly became an integral part of the story, it certainly didn't feel like there were any throw away characters, they all had their part to play in the overall story and they did it well. This was a story with a lot going on, but again I never felt lost or had to backtrack just to figure it out, as much as it was a busy book it was done in a very straight forward way it was easy to follow and the writing never felt rushed. For as much as there is going on in the book it really doesn't detract from the quality of the story and the writing, both of which I though were pretty excellent. I don't think I could say anything negative about this book, I enjoyed it far too much for that, the only thing I would say is if you're looking for a book thats gonna tear your heart out and stomp on it whilst you ugly cry and rock in the corner this maybe isn't the book for you. If you're looking for a fun laugh out loud funny read that showcases a lot more than the 'typical' Vampyre then this should be right up your alley. Paranormal fans everywhere should be rejoicing over this eclectic mix that totally work and if you don't think paranormal is really your cup of tea then this book may well change your mind. Everyone needs some funny in their life at some point and this book delivers that in a big way. I'm just wondering if its maybe too early to start stalking the author and harping on about how much I need the second out right about now? First time I've read anything by this author but it most certainly won't be the last, I just may be in love :)
5 OMG,I more than loved it and need the second book RIGHT NOW stars!Seriously one of the funniest books I've read lately.But it's so much more than that. Dear Robyn Peterman...you are one awesome lady!And you wrote one hell of a book.Also...pretty please,if you can release the second book,like say...tomorrow,I will forever be in your debt.Hell,I'll be your little monster demon baby:))
Seriosly now,I cannot recommend this book highly enough!I really loved it and I know most of my GR friends would too.A little warning,it does end with a cliffhanger,but it's worth it.
PS: I big thank you to the lovely Darynda Jones!I read this book because I saw your review on it,your rating and I said I'll definitely give it a try.And boy...was I glad:D
I gave this a shot because it was cheap and low-risk. Which is to say, it's pretty clearly a vampire wish-fulfillment fantasy with fashion/it-girl flavor. Which isn't a bad thing and can be entertaining. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all this is with one after another "special" character and zero thought for characterization.
It isn't bad and manages to be pretty much exactly what you'd expect so I'm not going to rate it one way or another. It was an experiment that didn't pay off and that's okay (the alternative being that I'd have to stop experimenting and that's no fun).
If you're looking for a book that's completely different from the rest, a freakishly different vampire book that resembles nothing of the modern day paranormal fan fiction?
Then look no further.
5 Strangely Fantastic Stars
You'll be taken on one epically unique adventure, so strap yourself in and enjoy this batshit crazy ride. With a potty mouthed Guardian Angel in the form of Oprah Winfrey. "I like that you have the word'ass' in your name. It opens up so many possibilities." A fashion less fairy Arnie Schwarzenegger, and little lovable demons - You're sure to fall in love with Fashionably Dead as I did.
^^^ It really did blow my mind! I wasn't at all expecting any of what just happened. It was FANTASTIC it was CRAZY it was WIERD AS HELL but I completely LOVED IT!
According to Astrid, Vampires don't exist. Who in there right mind would possibly think vampires existed. Right? Wrong! They do exist, and like some god awful joke Astrid soon learns this the hard way, becoming Undead after finally quitting the smokes.
Now she's a vampire, however insane that seems to be. However, the perks of the undead aren't so bad. She doesn't smoke, even if she wanted to, she looks terrific and her obsession with being a Prada whore has only just magnified, with new products that seemingly appear out of nowhere.
On the downside, She's now stuck with a Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah, and who's use of the English language would make a sailor blush. Also a Fairy Fighting Arnie who's teaching her the ropes.
To make matters complicated, now that she's turned vampire, her inner slut hormones don't seem to be shutting down and the attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue vamp is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Which of course, no one wants. Oh and ALL the other vampires have this crazy idea that she's some sort of 'chosen one' ...please!
Ok jokes aside, you must and I emphasize on the MUST..read this!
Chicagoland Vampires and Betsy the Vampire Queen met at a bar, got drunk and nine months later this book was born.
I did laugh a lot reading this book but I couldn't stop thinking about CV and queen Betsy the entire time I was reading it.The characters had many similarities with some of the characters from these two series but I loved them.They were so ridiculous that they were adorable.
I'm definitely reading the next book.
I was going to give it 3 stars because it made me roll my eyes on many occasions but the book made me laugh and have a good time so it gets an extra star.
Pam, the guardian Angel(No-Oprah!)
Ross-Rachel-Beyonce-Hornest Abe In my mind I could not help but imagine the cute demons as Minions,singing mommy mommy!!Oh man, I loooooooved them so much.
I don't know where to start when I review R. Peterman's books. They are unlike anything else I have ever read. Her first book How Hard Can It Be? is side splitting,pee your pants funny and so is her second book Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures. Fashionably Dead is A Very HOT Paranormal romance with lots of twist and turns. Not to mention loads of wackiness. I love Robyn's voice and it comes through loud and clear in her books. If you're a lover of vampires, fairies and angels with attitudes do yourself a favor and pick this one up. Love Love Loved. Can't wait for the next one.
I finally found the book that conquered and destroyed my dreadful bookslump !!! This was my first book by Robyn Peterman and it had everything I was looking for.
The book had a great start and the writing was absolutely perfect. I knew I should curl up in a comfortable spot because I was hooked.
Astrid was turned into a vampire without her knowledge or consent. She was close to her Nana and was trying to quit smoking. The book is told from her pov and she had a great voice. She was snarky, funny and incredibly insightful at times.
"I was fun, but not extremely motivated unless it involved high fashion, art, or my friends."
Gemma was Astrid's best friend who was excited about anything supernatural. These two were like Timon and Pumbaa, just add obsessed with Prada.
Ethan was the romantic interest and perfect for Astrid. He was the Vampyre Prince, loved and feared by his subjects. He earned their loyalty and respect, enjoying celebrity status in the Vampyre world.
He was ruthless, intelligent, playful with a twisted sense of humour. But thats not what made him perfect. Ethan did screw up, but he saw his mistakes and did whatever was necessary to make things right.
The story had well developed supporting characters who were integral to the plot. Everyone had a reason for being there and I loved watching the pieces fall into place.
"Life with The Kev and Pam was dysfunctional at its best, and insane at its worst."
I loved Astrid's demons - they were so adorable.
I enjoyed the World building in this one. The world was not limited to vampires but I won't be revealing the rest. The Vampyres had divided the world in 10 parts and each dominion had a ruler. The powers could evolve over time which meant endless possibilities.
Saying Astrid had issues with her mother would be an understatement but their relationship was described really well. It also helps you understand Astrid's mindset and her fears.
"my mother was an odd duck, and a cold, unhappy, and very angry woman."
Astrid was an art teacher at the senior centre. Before you assume she worked in a safe, boring environment, lets read about some of her students.
“They felt fat from the pies and have a tryout coming up, so they took an ass-load of laxatives to get skinny before they become stars.”
I loved this one and am going to wrap things up before I copy paste the entire book.
The story had an even pace, a clever plot, great supporting characters and lots of Eureka moments.
The book had a massive cliffhanger and I mention this for 2 reasons.
1 It will leave you hanging with wide eyes and no closure. You were warned.
2 If you are anything like me, please get the complete series before you start this one. This will save you from frustration, furniture breaking and consuming insane amounts of chocolate.
"Homemade, full of fat, heart attack inducing ice cream."
I received this book from the author for an honest review.
I haven't laughed this hard for a loooong time. I have to tell you/warn you to be ready for the hysterical outburst of laughter....like I freaking SNORTED I was laughing so hard. I even almost spit my sweet tea across the room at one point. So if I must "warn you about this book" please be careful not to choke and die during fits of giggles and laughter while reading.
So this book is about a typical girl who likes to shop...hello Prada. She has the gross habit of smoking. She decided to smoke a bunch til she puked and then get hypnotized so she wont smoke again. Well she goes and ends up becoming a vampyre instead. I have to stay the best parst of the novel are the beginning and meeting all the people who are sent to help Astrid. Her "angel " Pam who is a foul mouthed doppelganger of Oprah. Her Warrior trained Fairy "The Kev" who looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger .......I was cracking up at the fact The Kev is fashionably challenged. Then we meet Paris Hilton the goth chick who doen't own any hotel chains....The demons who Astrid cares for are names Ross, Rachel, Beyonce and Honest Abe. I have to say....hilarious!!!
Astrid is the chosen one who will save the Vamps from the demons. I will say the story has some awesome plot twisits. I would be laughing my ass off and then say "DAMN IT SHE DID IT AGAIN!!!" Robyn wrote an awesome story to any and all paranormal people. Astrid meets what she assumes is a rogue vampyre and vanishes before he can kill her. she later remeets this vampyre and realizes he is the prince who she is to save and protect being the chosen one....well the prince decided to take matters into his own hands and starts the mating cycle with a public bite......oooops Astrid is embarrassed that she "has a great O" while standing in front of 600 vamps....lol. The couple have a great chemistry. I loved the dynamic of the two main characters. I loved the side characters of Heathcliff and Gemma.
The chose one is to save the king, vampyres and friends from the demons and rogue vampyres.......
I really want to just write the whole plot here but if i do then you wont one click buy it so I am going to STOP and say....listen to me...buy it for a great story and a lot of laughter.
Poor Astrid all she wanted to do was quit smoking . When her life get turned upside down . When she s turned into a vampire . She is thrown into everything vampire . As her evil mother shuns her and her house becomes full of angel and fairies. She meet Ethan the warrior prince , who is walking talking sex in a stick . Who is also claiming to be her mate . Well that's where the fun begins . They fight they mate . As they come to understand why Astrid is the chosen one . This book has it all a guardian angel that looks like Oprah , and swears like a sailor . Giving Astrid the mothering she needs . To the Kevin who resembles Arnold with really bad fashion sense . I mean really bad fashion sense . Gemma her best friend , who is like a magical vending machine . Anything she eats astride can taste in her blood . Then there are the vampire men . Ethan the warrior prince . Oh my god what can I say . He is sex on a stick . You just want to eat that boy up .he is sexy dark and dangerous . Heathcliff is like the boy next door all sexy and sweet . What's a girl to do . I recommend this book to none who wants a good laugh and a great read . It's amazeballlls. So don't be an asshat check it out . Robyn peterman is awesome and she gives the reader everything
I absolutely LOVED this book!!! Astrid is probably one of my favorite book chicks...she's smart, fearless, a true friend, and speaks her mind like no one else! The story was so refreshing and entertaining from beginning to end! I felt and loved everything! I hope paranormal and romance fans take a chance on this book! I truly enjoyed it and look forward to reading the next one! Thank you soooo much, Robyn Peterman!!!
Seriously what s find! This book was so funny but it had such a hot male lead a spunky female and a truly beautiful love between them both.if you like to read about a couple who would die for each other and reading about really funny sidekicks you will love this I can't wait for the sequel hurry up please Robyn!!
HOT! FUNNY! And seriously entertaining! Robyn Peterman's latest novel, Fashionably Dead - the premiere novel in the Hot Damned Series - is packed with interesting characters and a twisting and turing plot that keeps you on the edge of your seat. I love the fast paced writing, but it is also thick with detail and information, making the story a rich mix of comedy, love, and mystery. The cliffhanger ending has me wanting more.... A great read that I recommend with great confidence!
Lots of fun! Personally, Peterman is my go-to-author for a side-splitting laugh. Wow, Robyn has an exceptional imagination. This book is fast paced with fowl mouthed Angels, Prada wearing Vampyres, fashion challenged Fairies, and cannibalistic baby Demons. I highly recommend this book for anyone who enjoys a good laugh with some paranormal thrown in the mix. I believe those who enjoy Gerry Bartlett's Real Vampire Series will get a kick out of Peterman's books.
Robyn Peterman's imagination is a wild ride to be on! This book is about a newly form Vampyre and her training with some very familiar faux celebrity coaches! I laughed and enjoyed this book very much. Astrid is a great heroine with amazingly funny powers as a Vampyre! Sit back and enjoy!
Well, this was an interesting and entertaining read.
So why only three stars... for so many reasons.
Let's start off and say during most of this book especially the first half, we were told most of the things that happened and not shown.
We are told that the Kev trained her to fight and she was good, not shown one lick of the training until later with Sam. However, learning to fight the first time was more important. Okay, we were told she had to drink from Kev because she needed the healing. But that was about it.
We were told out of no where she could fly. This wasn't mentioned at any point in the book up to that point that some or all vampires could do this until she just did it. Not to mention in this same scene she's going to fight a battle we had no idea was coming about. It was a weird transition. In fact, I rewound the audio a few times thinking I had to have missed something. Nope, just came out of the blue.
Worst apart of the telling and not showing was the relationship between Astrid and Ethan. In the book they may have spent what equated to an hour together over two or three meetings before they were spouting the I love you(s). Unfortunately, I felt zero connection between the pair. While I'm more forgiving about insta love in paranormal stories, especially when fated mates are involved, I normally feel a connection. I had zero emotional response regarding any aspect that involved the two of them. Broken up or staying together didn't matter to me. I think that was a lack of showing in the book. I felt more of a connection between Astrid and Heathcliff though I didn't "ship" them either.
Oh, and we are told Astrid loves sex but doesn't do relationships. No slut shaming here, but it sounded to me like she'd been around the block. Again, I don't have a problem with that. But then Astrid hates being called a slut, fine, I get that. But we are told she's inexperienced at giving bjs. I didn't get it. Either she was a free spirit or not, but not both.
The whole foul mouth Angel bothered me some but not as much as I expected. More of Astrid's demon babies calling her mommy creeped me out.
With all of this said, there was some interesting world building and a damn cliff hanger. So at some point with the lack of PNR and UF out there, I may continue on. But I'm not jumping to buy the next book.
I've read reviews that this book was hilarious. Unfortunately I had zero laugh out loud moments. Alas, it was an okay read others may enjoy more than I did.
Robyn has done it again! She's managed to create another romance infused with humor! What I love most is that her characters are REAL! Astrid (the heroine) could be my best friend. I could see chatting with her over a cup of coffee (well for me, I'm sure she'd want something with a little more...ah...protein) about our obsession with all things Prada! The story is very well told and definitely leaves you wanting more at the end. Highly recommend this book!
Hilarious! If you love the Charley Davidson series, I would say this is a book you should give a shot. The heroin is strong, funny, and constantly putting her foot in her mouth. I actually came across this book from Darynda Jones' page and I'm glad I took a look. Very easy read.
Another great book by the fun and talented author, Robyn Peterman. I had read this when it was first released but when I was asked if I would like to do a review for Fashionably Dead I knew I had to do a reread to refresh my brain. I forgot how entertaining this was. This book took vampyres to a new and exciting place, making them unique but with certain qualities you would expect from the "normal" vampires. I ADORED it too! We have such a combination of quirky and outrageous characters. From the Oprah look-a-like Guardian Angel who is strangely named Pam, not Oprah, and a Fairy Couch who looks like just like Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. A cute little vampire by the name of Paris Hilton and another vampire (this one absolutely stunning!) by the name of Venus not to mention the not-quite-mortal best friend Gemma. And what a good friend she is too! She offered Astrid her wrist after she was turned. Now THAT is what a true friend is! We also have these loveable, yet slightly ugly demon babies that adore Astrid and help her here and there. I REALLY find it cool that they eat glitter magic that Astrid throws at them. They seem..sweet in a creepy kind of way, yet I find myself adoring these creepy little demons throughout this book. Astrid is the heroine and one I very much like. She is fun, caring, funny, and has the hots for the Warrior Prince, Ethan. Honestly, I can't blame her for having the hots for Ethan either. He is gorgeous, extremely sexy, charming, amusing and has equal attraction for Astrid. Which makes perfect sense since she is his destined mate AND the Chosen One. Fashionably Dead is an outrageously fun, amusing romp with plenty of romance, comedy, sex so hot it will feel like your on fire and plenty of twists and turns and awesome tricks and adventure around every corner. I am SO DYING for the next book in this new Hot Damned Series! I give this a FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS! Its a wonderfully written book of awesome-sauce and I can't wait for more. You HAVE to go pick this book up and check out this masterpiece yourself!
Wow, enthralling, entertaining, funny, ridiculous, at times disgusting, but impossible to put down. Some of the story, I could see coming, but definitely not the way it arrived. A very enjoyable book on so many levels. Obviously, I am at the edge of my seat waiting for the next one (shades of Perils of Pauline).