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Legend of the Raie'Chaelia #1
The Raie'Chaelia
When Chalice sets off for Branbury in the middle of the night with her grandfather's instructions, she has no idea of the dangers that await her. The King's men have destroyed her home village of Canton and she is suddenly thrown into a Terravailian world that she does not know. Lost and alone, she is hard pressed to evade the iron grasp of the madman who rules the land. With the help of a friendly Chinuk, an old man, and a book that she discovers along the way, not only does she find true friends and true love, but she also finds her true self and what it means to be the Raie'Chaelia.
420 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 27, 2011
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December 4, 2013
This book is known to me as "The book with the name I can't pronounce."
I read half of the preview of this book available on Smashwords to decide if I wanted to read the rest or not. It is a Young Adult high fantasy, the genre I feel most at home in, so I was interested to see how it was handled by a vanity publisher as opposed to a self-publisher or a traditionally published author.
I hesitated when I read the Preface. There was a distinct line of defensiveness I was forced to read before I'd even read a word of the story. The following quotes are lifted from the Preface:
"It is a novel with both a storyline and a background theme."
All books I know have both a storyline and a background theme. Where would English teachers be if a book had neither? Can one exist without the other? In my opinion, no. It's impossible to write a story without a theme. Every single story ever written tells of a central conflict, and that conflict revolves around the theme, whether it is Tangled's selflessness, Mulan's bravery, or Beauty and the Beast's compassion. Yes, I am using Disney films as examples. Bite me. You literally cannot write a story without some kind of conflict. Let me reiterate: without conflict there would be no story, and every conflict leads to a theme.
"As you read, you may come across language, names, or terminology in the text that appear out of place or anachronistic. They are not. There is a reason for them that will become more clear as the story progresses. In fact, almost every detail in the novel has a purpose, from the intricately-drawn scenery in the beginning to the hair color (sp) of the heroine of the story. Again, those purposes will become clear later on."
It seems this Preface is written for people who do not normally read, and especially people who do not normally read fantasy. This Preface is written to defend the story simply for being. I find this tragic and incredibly sad. It's like writing "This is a work of fiction" at the beginning of Twilight, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, or anything by Terry Pratchett. It's superfluous; especially as this book is a high fantasy. High fantasy readers are used to those really hard to grasp concepts such as different languages, names, and terminologies. We certainly don't need to be told that it will all make sense later on. Only someone extremely uncertain of their ability will write at the beginning of the book, "I swear it all makes sense if you'll only keep reading!"
See, the point of an author is to convince people to keep reading, even if it doesn't make sense (Fallen, anyone?).
As for the actual writing itself, I found it littered with poorly-placed telling-not-showing and passive voice - which admittedly can be a stylistic choice, but along with the excessive use of 'that', it's not my cup of tea. The writing is also not very tight, a skill that often comes from experience, a skilled editor, or a very good mentor; but I can forgive this loose writing seeing as how the author very self-depreciatingly says in the Preface, "I never thought I could be a writer given that my talents lie in other areas, mostly in mathematics and science."
There is an over-abundance of unnecessary commas that seem to be randomly dropped in:
The overuse of commas annoys me. I don't think it's a classy or elegant stylistic choice. It serves to slow the book right down, and if there’s one thing high fantasy doesn’t need, it’s a drop in pace.
I found the dialogue forced and unnatural. The dialogue tags were also poorly chosen and inelegant. Tagging is supposed to happen at the first appropriate pause, so you know who’s speaking: not after several sentences.
And then, amongst all this simple descriptive language, the thesaurus was suddenly flung open and I was assaulted by words such as unctuous and obsequious, which, no I am not ashamed to admit, I have no idea what they mean. I don’t even think they are in The Mellifluous Book of Hard Words: Read It, Know It, Use It. I’d check, but I’ve already packed it away in preparation for moving house. But luckily Google is my friend – lucky that this is an ebook and I can quickly flick to another tab – and tell me ‘unctuous’ means “Excessively or ingratiatingly flattering; oily” and ‘obsequious’ means “Obedient or attentive to an excessive or servile degree.”
And now, because I’ve had to set the book aside to figure out what the hell those words mean, I’m going to go play on Twitter and Tumblr for a bit because this isn’t interesting enough to hold my attention.
Note to authors: don’t deliberately use obscure words to try to prove your intelligence because if the reader doesn’t know what they mean and have to look it up, then they’re putting your book down and are no longer reading. Kinda defeats the purpose.
an hour later…
Where was I?
There is an over-abundance of double letters in proper nouns. I’m not against this. Holly Lisle uses double vowels really well in Talyn (Korre, #1). ‘Taak’, the word used for house or village or gathering place (I left my copy in another country, cut me some slack!) is pronounced with a long A (hay) and then a short A (cat) so that the double A sounds like TAY-ack. Instead of the Preface warning that there will be unusual words, perhaps a pronunciation guide could have been included instead. While some words, such as Darrenfell are obvious, it certainly would have helped me be able to decipher Vaassa, Vlaad, Lucce, Draaquan, and Trui’Quirre.
The double and triple use of punctuation marks is simply childish and unimaginable. There should never be ‘?!?’ ever. It’s ugly and shows no skill or talent whatsoever. I often do accept ‘?!’ in dialogue only and then very sporadically, and there must also be a reason for daring to use two punctuation marks together like that – i.e. in extreme circumstances only. And what’s worse, the ‘?!?’ didn’t only happen once, but several times in the first thirty odd pages. I also found ‘?!’ in two neighbouring sentences. What’s with all the exclamation points? LESS IS MORE.
Also, it’s pretty important when characters are speaking that you introduce a new paragraph for them with each new entry. That’s an incredibly basic rule of writing that I learned when I was ten years old. The dialogue tags and indications are so painful it hurts to subject my eyes to this torture. I’m pretty sure I’d rather read the incredibly boring descriptions rather than the incredibly painful dialogue.
As for the plot: admittedly I gave up at around page 40 but from what I did read I found an awful lot of description and hardly anything that was actually interesting. Even the dialogue between main character Chalice and her childhood friend is boring, info-dumping, talking about things I have not been convinced to care about yet, and I’m skipping over it waiting for something disguising itself as conflict to enter.
Considering this book is vanity-published, I'm surprised that the quality is so low. If I was going to pay someone to edit I'd at least want them to do a good job and pay them accordingly. Otherwise, at these rates, you may as well self-publish. Thoughts are inconsistently italicized, commas seem randomly added, and on several occasions I found typos that should have been caught: ‘shown’ instead of ‘showed’ and a name that wasn’t capitalised. If this was self-published I probably wouldn’t be so harsh, but that’s what copy editors are for, right? Oh, I see. The vanity publishers, Lucky Bat Books, charge line-editing and plain editing at $55 an hour. Yeah, no wonder all this was missed. It's kind of long.
I read half of the preview of this book available on Smashwords to decide if I wanted to read the rest or not. It is a Young Adult high fantasy, the genre I feel most at home in, so I was interested to see how it was handled by a vanity publisher as opposed to a self-publisher or a traditionally published author.
I hesitated when I read the Preface. There was a distinct line of defensiveness I was forced to read before I'd even read a word of the story. The following quotes are lifted from the Preface:
"It is a novel with both a storyline and a background theme."
All books I know have both a storyline and a background theme. Where would English teachers be if a book had neither? Can one exist without the other? In my opinion, no. It's impossible to write a story without a theme. Every single story ever written tells of a central conflict, and that conflict revolves around the theme, whether it is Tangled's selflessness, Mulan's bravery, or Beauty and the Beast's compassion. Yes, I am using Disney films as examples. Bite me. You literally cannot write a story without some kind of conflict. Let me reiterate: without conflict there would be no story, and every conflict leads to a theme.
"As you read, you may come across language, names, or terminology in the text that appear out of place or anachronistic. They are not. There is a reason for them that will become more clear as the story progresses. In fact, almost every detail in the novel has a purpose, from the intricately-drawn scenery in the beginning to the hair color (sp) of the heroine of the story. Again, those purposes will become clear later on."
It seems this Preface is written for people who do not normally read, and especially people who do not normally read fantasy. This Preface is written to defend the story simply for being. I find this tragic and incredibly sad. It's like writing "This is a work of fiction" at the beginning of Twilight, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, or anything by Terry Pratchett. It's superfluous; especially as this book is a high fantasy. High fantasy readers are used to those really hard to grasp concepts such as different languages, names, and terminologies. We certainly don't need to be told that it will all make sense later on. Only someone extremely uncertain of their ability will write at the beginning of the book, "I swear it all makes sense if you'll only keep reading!"
See, the point of an author is to convince people to keep reading, even if it doesn't make sense (Fallen, anyone?).
As for the actual writing itself, I found it littered with poorly-placed telling-not-showing and passive voice - which admittedly can be a stylistic choice, but along with the excessive use of 'that', it's not my cup of tea. The writing is also not very tight, a skill that often comes from experience, a skilled editor, or a very good mentor; but I can forgive this loose writing seeing as how the author very self-depreciatingly says in the Preface, "I never thought I could be a writer given that my talents lie in other areas, mostly in mathematics and science."
There is an over-abundance of unnecessary commas that seem to be randomly dropped in:
This was a little too suspicious, as anyone who was studied in the botanical nature of the Trui’Quirre, knew that sage did not grow near oaden trees
Half her height, a small, brown, furry creature, wearing a light brown, hooded cloak and carrying a small rucksack, brandished a tree branch at her and growled malignantly.
She told herself, however, that the house was, more likely, just abandoned, like the village had been, so she plucked up her courage and proceeded to enter.
The overuse of commas annoys me. I don't think it's a classy or elegant stylistic choice. It serves to slow the book right down, and if there’s one thing high fantasy doesn’t need, it’s a drop in pace.
I found the dialogue forced and unnatural. The dialogue tags were also poorly chosen and inelegant. Tagging is supposed to happen at the first appropriate pause, so you know who’s speaking: not after several sentences.
And then, amongst all this simple descriptive language, the thesaurus was suddenly flung open and I was assaulted by words such as unctuous and obsequious, which, no I am not ashamed to admit, I have no idea what they mean. I don’t even think they are in The Mellifluous Book of Hard Words: Read It, Know It, Use It. I’d check, but I’ve already packed it away in preparation for moving house. But luckily Google is my friend – lucky that this is an ebook and I can quickly flick to another tab – and tell me ‘unctuous’ means “Excessively or ingratiatingly flattering; oily” and ‘obsequious’ means “Obedient or attentive to an excessive or servile degree.”
And now, because I’ve had to set the book aside to figure out what the hell those words mean, I’m going to go play on Twitter and Tumblr for a bit because this isn’t interesting enough to hold my attention.
Note to authors: don’t deliberately use obscure words to try to prove your intelligence because if the reader doesn’t know what they mean and have to look it up, then they’re putting your book down and are no longer reading. Kinda defeats the purpose.
an hour later…
Where was I?
There is an over-abundance of double letters in proper nouns. I’m not against this. Holly Lisle uses double vowels really well in Talyn (Korre, #1). ‘Taak’, the word used for house or village or gathering place (I left my copy in another country, cut me some slack!) is pronounced with a long A (hay) and then a short A (cat) so that the double A sounds like TAY-ack. Instead of the Preface warning that there will be unusual words, perhaps a pronunciation guide could have been included instead. While some words, such as Darrenfell are obvious, it certainly would have helped me be able to decipher Vaassa, Vlaad, Lucce, Draaquan, and Trui’Quirre.
The double and triple use of punctuation marks is simply childish and unimaginable. There should never be ‘?!?’ ever. It’s ugly and shows no skill or talent whatsoever. I often do accept ‘?!’ in dialogue only and then very sporadically, and there must also be a reason for daring to use two punctuation marks together like that – i.e. in extreme circumstances only. And what’s worse, the ‘?!?’ didn’t only happen once, but several times in the first thirty odd pages. I also found ‘?!’ in two neighbouring sentences. What’s with all the exclamation points? LESS IS MORE.
Also, it’s pretty important when characters are speaking that you introduce a new paragraph for them with each new entry. That’s an incredibly basic rule of writing that I learned when I was ten years old. The dialogue tags and indications are so painful it hurts to subject my eyes to this torture. I’m pretty sure I’d rather read the incredibly boring descriptions rather than the incredibly painful dialogue.
As for the plot: admittedly I gave up at around page 40 but from what I did read I found an awful lot of description and hardly anything that was actually interesting. Even the dialogue between main character Chalice and her childhood friend is boring, info-dumping, talking about things I have not been convinced to care about yet, and I’m skipping over it waiting for something disguising itself as conflict to enter.
Considering this book is vanity-published, I'm surprised that the quality is so low. If I was going to pay someone to edit I'd at least want them to do a good job and pay them accordingly. Otherwise, at these rates, you may as well self-publish. Thoughts are inconsistently italicized, commas seem randomly added, and on several occasions I found typos that should have been caught: ‘shown’ instead of ‘showed’ and a name that wasn’t capitalised. If this was self-published I probably wouldn’t be so harsh, but that’s what copy editors are for, right? Oh, I see. The vanity publishers, Lucky Bat Books, charge line-editing and plain editing at $55 an hour. Yeah, no wonder all this was missed. It's kind of long.
December 4, 2013
11 Apr. '12
Right. So I was going through the "Recent Reviews of My Books" section of goodreads, and I couldn't help notice that in the span of 3 hours, no less than four five-star reviews of The Raie'Chaelia have been put up.
I also noticed that these are not new reviews; most of them were just re-posts or whatever you call them. And they all contain basically the same message:
1) How wonderful the heroine is
2) How they have a "book crush" on the hero
3) How adorable the Chinuk is
4) How the author was bullied
5) How the author's "bullies" have been leaving dishonest reviews
So numbers 4 and 5 pretty much are the reasons why I'm editing this review - and knocking off one star from my previous rating.
Let's address this, first of all:
GIVING A BOOK A LESS-THAN STELLAR RATING IS NOT "BULLYING". Breaking down a book down to its tiniest details IS NOT, AND SHOULD NEVER BE COMPARED TO physical, psychological, emotional terrorizing of a human being.
Even if a reviewer calls an author names in a review; if I call YOU, a "stupid moron" or stoop to any other such name callings, it is NOT a very classy nor decent move, but it also is still not bullying.
If the reviewer sends emails to the author, constantly engages in activities to deliberately bring down her self-esteem, makes threats upon her life, derogates her personal beliefs, physical traits, uses all means to intimidate said author ... that is bullying.
Giving one, two, three stars for a book is NOT MEANT to intimidate an author nor stop him/her from writing again.
If an author somehow feels intimidated by it, then PUT ON YOUR DAMN BIG GIRL PANTIES because negative reviews come with the job description.
ETA
Oh. And people "shelving" books as "bad-author-behaviour", or "fucking-piece-of-shit" or whatever other category they bloody well want to is also not bullying
It's a personal categorizing system, PEOPLE. Get it through to your THICK FUCKING HEADS. Oh oh oh, was that bullying? WAS IT? BITE ME!
Second of all:
HOW DARE YOU accuse reviewers, accuse me, who leave negative ratings of this book - as leaving dishonest reviews?
For God's sake did you even read through the reviews???
They are more thorough and indicate that the reviewers have actually read the book more than your oh-so-glowing reviews, which ANYONE could have made just from reading the fucking blurb (or other reviews).
As someone who spent time and effort, and took a LOT of notes, to write this review, I AM FUCKING OFFENDED. Rant over.
14 Jan. '12
I read an epub version of this after my dear old friend convinced me to partake in her self-published novels challenge, and since my own personal challenge is to review every book I read (which admittedly is not much), here I am, trying to put my awfully jumbled notes into a coherent structure.
I always like to be objective and comprehensive in my reviews, meaning I will be reviewing The Raie'Chaelia by its technical aspects as well as its contents. With that being said, this review may be particularly long. If you want, you can just skip it and hit the "like" button.
TECHNICALITIES
1. Prose
This is the first thing that jumped out at me, ever since the first sentence upon the first page of the first chapter. I suppose in a positive light, it could be construed that the author has a writing style that certainly stands out and pokes you in the eye. With a spork.
Exhibit A. Juvenile Writing.
Exhibit B. Awkward Sentences.
Exhibit C. Purple, Purple, Purple.
***
Why these things bothered me, you ask? As if you couldn't tell just by reading those snippets.
It is all, as I've mentioned above, very juvenile writing that continues consistently throughout the entire book. And I suppose that is OK - bar the frequent grammar mistakes, spelling errors, and missing words - for people who would like to enjoy light fluff. I understand that not all novels are literary masterpieces; I just prefer not to have run-on sentences in the books I read.
***
2. Plot Progression
There are many ways you can have your story progress. This one, particularly, enjoys the use of these two babies:
Exhibit A. Holy Fucking Infodumps, Batman!
The characters serve to info-dump one another, and with tags such as "Huh? The Haeliad?" and "What else did he teach you?"
Cue the pages and pages of explanation. They look at an object and procede to have a chapter-long discussion about said object; its history, its social structure (when applicable), its physical form ... you name it.
I understand a writer puts so much effort in creating his/her world; he has a map, he has a detailed history of the kingdoms, he's thought up a most creative and fascinating species, complete with its anatomy and behavioural traits ... but you don't need to unload us with all your precious information.
Even if this information becomes somehow relevant later on, or if it provides some sort of clues to the ending (and I'm well aware this is actually the case in some segments), there are better ways to slowly sift relevant information through to the readers. Not just in a massive bulk of exposition in the form of one character talking to another. Or from reading a book. That is just lazy (or at the worst, uncreative) writing.
Exhibit B. Pacing
There are just way too many extraneous details. The entire book is an extraneous detail. Look, I know people say descriptions make a book come to life, but another thing they do is bog down the action.
Details are great in the right amount, at the right time. But when I've entered a town and found out that everyone's mysteriously vanished, I won't be spending the rest of the chapter recounting how I went to a bakery and then a general store and then to the cheese store which was found on the corner of Main and First Street like anyone else gave a fuck.
Examples? I'm glad you asked.
Everything - E V E R Y T H I N G ! - is described! She describes the stable, then she describes the trees outside the stable, then she describes the field beyond the trees outside the stable, THEN THE FUCKING IRRIGATION SYSTEM AND BARN AND WAGONS AND PENS AND VINEYARDS IN THE FIELD BEYOND THE TREES OUTSIDE THE STABLE --- all in minute fucking detail JUST GET ON WITH IT GAAAAHHHHH !!!
And this sort of minute-detailing doesn't just happen nine or ten times -- it happens every damn page!
Again, I understand that maybe some of these details are somehow relevant - but the style in delivering these is yet to be refined.
CONTENT
1. Worldbuilding
The entire sense of the novel was hard for me to grasp. The author takes care to add excruciating levels of detail in order to create a setting that is rich with magic, esoteric creatures, and everything else that makes a world of fantasy. Her efforts are, however, undermined by the narrative and prose and voice used in relaying the story.
Exhibit A. Dialect
Yes, I may be nitpicky on this one, but when I find very modern, earth jargon that would normally be used by our current hip generation, then it diminishes drastically the feel of whatever world it is Douthit was trying to create.
Exhibit B. Plot
The Raie'Chaelia tells the story of Chalice, who journeys out of her village days before her eighteenth(?) birthday, in order to discover the truth about herself. Upon reaching her destination, she finds the people there mysteriously gone, and with the help of a few friends, set off to rescue them. Along the way, she discovers she is the "true princess", daughter of the true King, who has not been seen since the usurper took his place.
The plot was nothing new to me, and it felt as if our protag was just blundering in and out of events. She never really had control over her situation; even the rescue mission, in the end, was saved by a sheer stroke of luck. It was not a very character-driven novel, nor did I ever feel any real sense of danger for any of the "good guys". We all knew they were going to make it at the end of this book. And quite frankly, even if they had died, it would not have troubled me in the least bit.
Our MC gets everything handed to her on a silver plate. She was such a perfect little goodie-goodie, complete with the "giving-to-the-poor", princessy kind of behaviour, that was not even fucking relevant to the story other than to show us what a good, sweet, loving, perfect character she was. Here is a quote.
And her weakness is "curiosity" for crying out loud. This brings me to
2. Characters
Exhibit A. Have you met Mary Sue?
So here's a nifty resource that I'm going to use to just check how much of a Mary Sue our protagonist, Chalice, is. Of course, I can only answer the test based on my observation as an outsider. A more accurate result would be achieved if the creator of the character took the test him/herself.
This gets long, so I'm going to hide the rest behind a spoiler tag.
Is the character's name a noun or adjective not normally used as a name? Chalice; (1) A large cup or goblet, typically used for drinking wine. (2) The wine cup used in the Christian Eucharist.
Does the character's name contain unnecessary hyphens, apostrophes, or other punctuation? (e.g. M'chelle, Gloria-Angelica, etc.) Her name's Chalice Pandretti, but her title is the Raie'Chaelia. So I'm gonna say "yes" to this one.
Is the character highly attractive without having to work at it? I'll let you decide.
Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him? You bet.
Does the character have eyes that somehow reflect hidden depths or experience or sorrow? Hmm...
Does the character get a disproportionate amount of physical description compared to the rest of the characters? Look at the third point above.
Does the character have unusual or exceptional hair, or does her/his hair get a disproportionate amount of description compared to that of the other characters? As above.
And with a whopping 65 point, our protag is: Über-Sue. You've got one hell of a Mary-Sue on your hands here, and it's not going to be easy to set things right. But do your best. There may be hope for you yet. And that was not even answering all the questions.
Exhibit B. The Rest of the Cast
...were not special. Jeremiah was your typical love-interest. Well-defined muscle chest, sharp eye, excellent archer, absolutely devoted to protagonist.
We have the "Aragorn" type group-leader, who was also introduced to us in a remarkably "Aragorn-meets-Frodo" type way. He was also just your typical team captain; intelligent, skilled fighter, of significant importance in the realm.
Her best friends, Tycho and ... Kirna? were kind of bland and one-dimensional. Bunejab was also just there for healing purposes and as a guide earlier on in the story. The bad guys were the epitome of black; we see no motive, no other dimension other than the fact they're eeeevviiiiill mwahahahaha. The rest of the cast does not even deserve mention.
***
So that was a lengthyoveranalysis from my part. Bottom line is,
for me
it had a mediocre plot, filled with stereotype mary-sue characters, grammatical/spelling errors that need to be tidied up, and a whole bunch of technical things that bothered me. Hence my less than stellar rating. I would say it would be much more appreciated by people who enjoy light reads, but given the amount of infodumps, foreshadowing, and extraneous details, it really isn't much of a "light" read, is it?.
Right. So I was going through the "Recent Reviews of My Books" section of goodreads, and I couldn't help notice that in the span of 3 hours, no less than four five-star reviews of The Raie'Chaelia have been put up.
I also noticed that these are not new reviews; most of them were just re-posts or whatever you call them. And they all contain basically the same message:
1) How wonderful the heroine is
2) How they have a "book crush" on the hero
3) How adorable the Chinuk is
4) How the author was bullied
5) How the author's "bullies" have been leaving dishonest reviews
So numbers 4 and 5 pretty much are the reasons why I'm editing this review - and knocking off one star from my previous rating.
Let's address this, first of all:
GIVING A BOOK A LESS-THAN STELLAR RATING IS NOT "BULLYING". Breaking down a book down to its tiniest details IS NOT, AND SHOULD NEVER BE COMPARED TO physical, psychological, emotional terrorizing of a human being.
Even if a reviewer calls an author names in a review; if I call YOU, a "stupid moron" or stoop to any other such name callings, it is NOT a very classy nor decent move, but it also is still not bullying.
If the reviewer sends emails to the author, constantly engages in activities to deliberately bring down her self-esteem, makes threats upon her life, derogates her personal beliefs, physical traits, uses all means to intimidate said author ... that is bullying.
Giving one, two, three stars for a book is NOT MEANT to intimidate an author nor stop him/her from writing again.
If an author somehow feels intimidated by it, then PUT ON YOUR DAMN BIG GIRL PANTIES because negative reviews come with the job description.
ETA
Oh. And people "shelving" books as "bad-author-behaviour", or "fucking-piece-of-shit" or whatever other category they bloody well want to is also not bullying
It's a personal categorizing system, PEOPLE. Get it through to your THICK FUCKING HEADS. Oh oh oh, was that bullying? WAS IT? BITE ME!
Second of all:
HOW DARE YOU accuse reviewers, accuse me, who leave negative ratings of this book - as leaving dishonest reviews?
For God's sake did you even read through the reviews???
They are more thorough and indicate that the reviewers have actually read the book more than your oh-so-glowing reviews, which ANYONE could have made just from reading the fucking blurb (or other reviews).
As someone who spent time and effort, and took a LOT of notes, to write this review, I AM FUCKING OFFENDED. Rant over.
14 Jan. '12
I read an epub version of this after my dear old friend convinced me to partake in her self-published novels challenge, and since my own personal challenge is to review every book I read (which admittedly is not much), here I am, trying to put my awfully jumbled notes into a coherent structure.
I always like to be objective and comprehensive in my reviews, meaning I will be reviewing The Raie'Chaelia by its technical aspects as well as its contents. With that being said, this review may be particularly long. If you want, you can just skip it and hit the "like" button.
TECHNICALITIES
1. Prose
This is the first thing that jumped out at me, ever since the first sentence upon the first page of the first chapter. I suppose in a positive light, it could be construed that the author has a writing style that certainly stands out and pokes you in the eye. With a spork.
Exhibit A. Juvenile Writing.
Chalice was relieved that their passage over the mountain was progressing peacefully. If only it had remained that way.I mean, really. It sounds like the author has a movie playing out in her head, and she just wrote down what she saw to every last detail.
Suddenly, out of the trees from all sides, sprang a band Chinukan guards dressed in thick, dark, furred cloaks, brandishing spears and crossbows at them.
Yes! We did it and no one saw, she told herself, or at least that is what she had thought for in their haste, both of them had failed to see the dark, cloaked figure hidden in the shadow of a large tree across the stream, watching them as they worked.
Dum, dum, duuuum......
Exhibit B. Awkward Sentences.
"His eyes combed the light of the torches that spotted the mantlet wall of the ward, as if he were looking for minute cracks in it that held the answer."
"In the distance she could hear the bells of the tower ringing in the holiday cheer and songs of merry-making well-wishers going about their business of gift-giving as so many of their ancestors had done for generations past."
Now say that in one breath. Go.
It was early, and morning mist covered the leaves of the thick forest with drops of dew that sparkled in the God rays peeking through the treetops.
On the other side of the mountains, lay Auramont and Branbury was located to the east of Mount Vassa which was an ancient mountain, the oldest in the chain.
Regardless, she seemed lost at this point in her life. For that matter, so was he, too, lost.
Exhibit C. Purple, Purple, Purple.
"Quiet, Duquaine," he said with a smugness that masked his apprehension.
(...) he hissed as the blood red stone hanging from the cord around his neck shone brilliantly in the darkness, bathing the scene in an ominous red light.
Yes. Because when someone's hissing at you while you're chained to a table, everyone else is taking note of how the light falls upon his necklace and reflects on the walls while he's hissing.
***
Why these things bothered me, you ask? As if you couldn't tell just by reading those snippets.
It is all, as I've mentioned above, very juvenile writing that continues consistently throughout the entire book. And I suppose that is OK - bar the frequent grammar mistakes, spelling errors, and missing words - for people who would like to enjoy light fluff. I understand that not all novels are literary masterpieces; I just prefer not to have run-on sentences in the books I read.
***
2. Plot Progression
There are many ways you can have your story progress. This one, particularly, enjoys the use of these two babies:
Exhibit A. Holy Fucking Infodumps, Batman!
The characters serve to info-dump one another, and with tags such as "Huh? The Haeliad?" and "What else did he teach you?"
Cue the pages and pages of explanation. They look at an object and procede to have a chapter-long discussion about said object; its history, its social structure (when applicable), its physical form ... you name it.
I understand a writer puts so much effort in creating his/her world; he has a map, he has a detailed history of the kingdoms, he's thought up a most creative and fascinating species, complete with its anatomy and behavioural traits ... but you don't need to unload us with all your precious information.
Even if this information becomes somehow relevant later on, or if it provides some sort of clues to the ending (and I'm well aware this is actually the case in some segments), there are better ways to slowly sift relevant information through to the readers. Not just in a massive bulk of exposition in the form of one character talking to another. Or from reading a book. That is just lazy (or at the worst, uncreative) writing.
Exhibit B. Pacing
There are just way too many extraneous details. The entire book is an extraneous detail. Look, I know people say descriptions make a book come to life, but another thing they do is bog down the action.
Details are great in the right amount, at the right time. But when I've entered a town and found out that everyone's mysteriously vanished, I won't be spending the rest of the chapter recounting how I went to a bakery and then a general store and then to the cheese store which was found on the corner of Main and First Street like anyone else gave a fuck.
Examples? I'm glad you asked.
She wore an ocean-blue riding habit that was split in the skirt for straddling a horse and laced with a wavy pattern down the sides. It was comfortable and snug in the bosom and waist, but flared out at the bottom.
Really? But did it have any pockets? Or hidden contraptions to put her knives? You simply must tell us!
To the right of the furniture, a large fireplace was carved into the rock, its hearth a half of a pace above the ground, with a small rock bench jutting out from just below it.
Split firewood lay in a stack to the right of the bench, waiting to be used
Which, PS, they never used.
In the middle of the floor stood a large worktable with hooks above it for hanging kitchen utensils. Next to it sat a large, wood-burning oven, worked in cast iron and black as night. Each wall was given to drawers and cupboards made of finely polished sequoia in which, she assumed, all the kitchenware could be found. Below the kitchen window, looking out onto the waterfront, was a wooden countertop for preparing meals. A portion of it was inlaid with three metallic wash bins, each of which sprouted a spot above, which she assumed provided water for washing.
They spent one. night. in this place. And only one. meal. was eaten here. Fuck you.
Along the hallways, two posts supported the center beam of the roof. Chalice led sunny inside and tied his reins to a hook protruding from one of the posts. She undid the girth strapped around his rib cage, to relieve him of his burden. After placing the saddle on the wooden saddle horse in the tack room and hooking her bags on the wall, she led him into one of the back stalls and removed his bridle and bit. Tossing him a couple flakes of alfalfa from the loft, and setting a large bucket of water in the corner, she closed the stall door and latched it.
Because she couldn't just say something like, you know, just at the top of my head ... "She stabled her horse, relieved him of his riding gear, and made sure she kept him watered before leaving the barn." No. That's too glossed over.
Everything - E V E R Y T H I N G ! - is described! She describes the stable, then she describes the trees outside the stable, then she describes the field beyond the trees outside the stable, THEN THE FUCKING IRRIGATION SYSTEM AND BARN AND WAGONS AND PENS AND VINEYARDS IN THE FIELD BEYOND THE TREES OUTSIDE THE STABLE --- all in minute fucking detail JUST GET ON WITH IT GAAAAHHHHH !!!
And this sort of minute-detailing doesn't just happen nine or ten times -- it happens every damn page!
Again, I understand that maybe some of these details are somehow relevant - but the style in delivering these is yet to be refined.
CONTENT
1. Worldbuilding
The entire sense of the novel was hard for me to grasp. The author takes care to add excruciating levels of detail in order to create a setting that is rich with magic, esoteric creatures, and everything else that makes a world of fantasy. Her efforts are, however, undermined by the narrative and prose and voice used in relaying the story.
Exhibit A. Dialect
Yes, I may be nitpicky on this one, but when I find very modern, earth jargon that would normally be used by our current hip generation, then it diminishes drastically the feel of whatever world it is Douthit was trying to create.
"Jeremiah, hey man! How the heck have you been?"
"Seriously?! A falcon?! Did that really happen?"
"Well done to you, dude!"
Exhibit B. Plot
The Raie'Chaelia tells the story of Chalice, who journeys out of her village days before her eighteenth(?) birthday, in order to discover the truth about herself. Upon reaching her destination, she finds the people there mysteriously gone, and with the help of a few friends, set off to rescue them. Along the way, she discovers she is the "true princess", daughter of the true King, who has not been seen since the usurper took his place.
The plot was nothing new to me, and it felt as if our protag was just blundering in and out of events. She never really had control over her situation; even the rescue mission, in the end, was saved by a sheer stroke of luck. It was not a very character-driven novel, nor did I ever feel any real sense of danger for any of the "good guys". We all knew they were going to make it at the end of this book. And quite frankly, even if they had died, it would not have troubled me in the least bit.
Our MC gets everything handed to her on a silver plate. She was such a perfect little goodie-goodie, complete with the "giving-to-the-poor", princessy kind of behaviour, that was not even fucking relevant to the story other than to show us what a good, sweet, loving, perfect character she was. Here is a quote.
"I don't get it, Ben. Why are they so cruel? Where does all this hatred come from?"For God's sake deal with it.
And her weakness is "curiosity" for crying out loud. This brings me to
2. Characters
Exhibit A. Have you met Mary Sue?
So here's a nifty resource that I'm going to use to just check how much of a Mary Sue our protagonist, Chalice, is. Of course, I can only answer the test based on my observation as an outsider. A more accurate result would be achieved if the creator of the character took the test him/herself.
This gets long, so I'm going to hide the rest behind a spoiler tag.
Is the character's name a noun or adjective not normally used as a name? Chalice; (1) A large cup or goblet, typically used for drinking wine. (2) The wine cup used in the Christian Eucharist.
Does the character's name contain unnecessary hyphens, apostrophes, or other punctuation? (e.g. M'chelle, Gloria-Angelica, etc.) Her name's Chalice Pandretti, but her title is the Raie'Chaelia. So I'm gonna say "yes" to this one.
Is the character highly attractive without having to work at it? I'll let you decide.
Chalice was also very beautiful, which made it difficult for the boys to spar with her. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes.
Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him? You bet.
Does the character have eyes that somehow reflect hidden depths or experience or sorrow? Hmm...
For a moment, he seemed to lose himself in her eyes, drowning in an ocean of blue.
Does the character get a disproportionate amount of physical description compared to the rest of the characters? Look at the third point above.
Does the character have unusual or exceptional hair, or does her/his hair get a disproportionate amount of description compared to that of the other characters? As above.
And with a whopping 65 point, our protag is: Über-Sue. You've got one hell of a Mary-Sue on your hands here, and it's not going to be easy to set things right. But do your best. There may be hope for you yet. And that was not even answering all the questions.
Exhibit B. The Rest of the Cast
...were not special. Jeremiah was your typical love-interest. Well-defined muscle chest, sharp eye, excellent archer, absolutely devoted to protagonist.
We have the "Aragorn" type group-leader, who was also introduced to us in a remarkably "Aragorn-meets-Frodo" type way. He was also just your typical team captain; intelligent, skilled fighter, of significant importance in the realm.
Her best friends, Tycho and ... Kirna? were kind of bland and one-dimensional. Bunejab was also just there for healing purposes and as a guide earlier on in the story. The bad guys were the epitome of black; we see no motive, no other dimension other than the fact they're eeeevviiiiill mwahahahaha. The rest of the cast does not even deserve mention.
***
So that was a lengthy
read-some-of-it
June 26, 2012This author and book have been very actively discussed for some months now on Goodreads.
While following some of these discussions, I became curious about the book. I looked it up on Amazon and found that it was a free Kindle download. With that financial incentive, I decided to take a look for myself to get some perspectives on the discussions.
I have begun to do just that. And my major impression is that I should allow the writing to speak for itself in this case. There are times when nothing will convey the sense and fullness of a book as well as the author’s own words.
With that said, some of the following quoted excerpts may contain spoilers. Accordingly, all excerpts have been treated here as one continuous spoiler.
This book is currently available as a free Kindle download. I own a copy. The excerpts are from early portions of the book, may not be in strict order, and are not intended and should not be taken as a narrative.
I have not finished the book - yet - and do not plan to rate it. If you enjoy reading the following excerpts, I would encourage you to download and read the book - it is free, after all.
/////////////////////////
While following some of these discussions, I became curious about the book. I looked it up on Amazon and found that it was a free Kindle download. With that financial incentive, I decided to take a look for myself to get some perspectives on the discussions.
I have begun to do just that. And my major impression is that I should allow the writing to speak for itself in this case. There are times when nothing will convey the sense and fullness of a book as well as the author’s own words.
With that said, some of the following quoted excerpts may contain spoilers. Accordingly, all excerpts have been treated here as one continuous spoiler.
This book is currently available as a free Kindle download. I own a copy. The excerpts are from early portions of the book, may not be in strict order, and are not intended and should not be taken as a narrative.
I have not finished the book - yet - and do not plan to rate it. If you enjoy reading the following excerpts, I would encourage you to download and read the book - it is free, after all.
/////////////////////////
September 6, 2016
I honestly wish I had never known that this series existed.
December 30, 2016
To see full review see here: http://yalbookbriefs.blogspot.com/201...
I don't read a lot of indy books. It's for a lot of reasons. The main reason being I don't have an e-reader other than my laptop and the other being I don't want to shift through all the shit to get through the few gems that exist in the independent book world (and yes, there are a few good indys you just need to know where to look).
So why am I reading this?
Well, this little book has caused a lot of controversy or should I say its author has caused a lot of controversy by harassing and publicly outing reviewers amongst other things. Honestly, the book itself has developed a reputation of being like The Room of YA/Fantasy books. However, I think it's worse than that movie (though you can argue that the author's actions are about on the same level as this).
Before I start reviewing said book, here's some things you need to know about me. My undergrad degree is in creative writing. That does not mean I'm necessary a good writer, but that does mean I've had training to find basic writing mistakes and I know how to workshop stories. This story, I'm pretty sure, has never been workshopped. So, that's what I'm going to do today.
Title: How do you even pronounce it? I get that this book is a fantasy, but the title of your work should be something your audience should identify with. It should draw the reader in. This title just makes the reader look at the book oddly wondering what the heck it is and if it's even written in English.
Grammar: People do make mistakes, but this is published work. Published work for sale which means it should be rid of typos and internet chat speak (yes, !? would be considered internet chat speak). Having these sort of errors are glaring and makes the work look unprofessional. Honestly, I've seen fan fiction that has less grammatical errors than this. I get that indy's lack the resources that the major publishing houses have, but it's not that expensive to hire a copy editor. Case in point, I have a cousin who makes her living from copy editing and most of her client base consist of poor college students. If a college student can afford to have their term paper looked at then Douthit can afford having her manuscript looked at.
Show Not Tell: This is like the first rule you'll learn in a creative writing class. Need an example of what showing is versus telling.
Telling:
"Yeah, right!" she said with a sassy sniff and mounted.
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2024-2025). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
How could this have been turned into showing. By merely chopping off sassy sniff. And showing through the characters dialogue and actions that she's sassy. Remember, the reader isn't stupid. This is only a small sample of the over use of telling that goes on in this book. I chose this particular quote because it's one of the lease painful to read. But imagine reading a whole book like this it would drive you crazy.
Info Dump: Even the most experience writers have problems with world building. It's a complicated task. However, one of the big lessons about world building is not to info dump. Here's a sample of this hideousness:
"Ben hesitated for moment and then said slowly: "Your father is King Duquaine, the Rightful King of the Realm and a scion of the Ielierian." Chalice' heart sank. She hung her head again and rubbed her temples. Her head was no longer hurting but she knew what being a daughter of the King meant and she didn't want to believe it."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2704-2706). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
This continues for another thirty or so pages. I know, right? Just this paragraph alone is causing you to yawn. That's why info dumping is so bad because the reader gets bored. Plus, it upsets the balance of mystery vs manners. Good authors don't tell the reader everything at once, they let information slip gradually. Sometimes through dialogue (but not dialogue like this), actions, narration, or other devices. Remember, the Harry Potter world wasn't built in one book. Rowling took her time with gradually emerging Harry and the reader into the wizarding world. That's why it work.
ced Dialogue: Dialogue is hard to do. You have to make yourself (as an author) sound like multiple people, keep the flow of conversation, and at the same time that dialogue needs to convey the relationship/s that the characters have with each other. Let's look at a typical dialogue passage in Douthit's book:
"Let me see that book, Chalice," he demanded, holding out his hand. She gave it to him and he studied it thoroughly. "What is Shae'Ielian?" he asked.
"That means the Rightful King. Why? What do you think the verse is talking about?"
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 846-848). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
This is essentially how the dialogue is used throughout the whole story. Question. Some lame answer. Question. It doesn't flow and these two characters that are suppose to share some great bond come off as lame. Speaking of characters.....
Horrible Characters: The characters in this were horrible. You can basically summarize them up in one or two sentences.
Chalice: Special snowflake (see below quote)
"Chalice was also very beautiful. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes. "
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 200-202). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Jeremy: Special snowflakes boy toy. Who author avoids using the cliche insta love by making them long lost friends (it doesn't work, it just makes the forced relationship between the two even more painful).
"She couldn't believe she had forgotten him. They had been inseparable during the three years he stayed with her and her grandparents at the inn. She remembered the words of Grandma Naelli: Those two are always together. You can never find one without the other. She should have at least recognized him by his eyes. He had the same eyes. Of course, everything else had changed quite a bit. Time had done its job."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 527-531). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Chinuk: A rip off of George Lucas's ewoks (better people than me have went into more depth on this)
Ben: An Albus Dumbledore/Gandalf wannabe who info dumps so profusely that his info dump has turned into info diarrhea.
Horses: Oh, God there are more descriptions (even a chapter) devoted to the horses than anyone else. This horse obsession reminds me of Grace Brisbane's obsession with wolves in Shiver. Here's a sample:
"She was the most beautiful horse she had ever seen. She was pure white with four dark hooves and dark eyes. Her forelock, mane and tail were as white as the snow and they draped down her forehead, neck and rear, blowing smoothly in the cool wind."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2223-2225). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Supporting Friends: We have the bland girlfriend of Chalice (really, what's with that name) and their chubby friend who eats all the time--now where have I seen that before (oh, like every bad movie that involves a quest)?
Plot: So we come to this. Since the characters are so cliche it shouldn't surprise you then that the plot was cliche too when it exist. That's right when it exists. Most of the book consisted of info dumping that was inconsistent and so boring that I didn't quite understand what their quest was. Maybe that's because of the made up language that was used heavily throughout the book too which looked like someone got drunk and then decided to have fun on Microsoft Word.
Verdict: The Ra-Rashakaka (okay, The Raie'Chaelia) needs a lot of work. I don't even know if it is salvable. It needs to be completely rewritten probably at least twice and then heavily edited (probably about ten to fifteen times) and then looked at by a copy editor or least someone who did fairly well in English in high school. I get that this book is a self published book, but it's still work people are paying for. You know, despite her antics I feel sorry for Ms. Douthit. It must be hard to live in a delusional world where you can't accept that your writing isn't perfect. Criticism is there for a reason. That's why creative writing classes are spent eighty percent of the time workshopping others work. Do I suggest reading this book? No. I got it for free that's the only reason I read it. However, if you like looking at a good train wreck (like me) this might interest you. At the very least, it's a good way to workshop work without attending an actual creative writing class. Oh, and Ms. Douthit, my creative writing teacher didn't care if anyone's comments for the workshop were negative. We didn't get to talk to the end and we had to accept and appreciate what other students said to us. After all, it's not like you paid for this review
Original Review:
Why would I want to read this?
1) I want to be bullied
2) I want all my private information released to everyone in the world: I think not.
3) I want to induce myself to bad memories of workshopping others work in Intro to Creative Writing
4) I want to attempt to pronounce the title
5) I want to read about Mary Sues.
Needless to say, I won't be reading this or any of Ms. Douthit's other works. Her recent behavior of outing readers and disclosing private information seals the deal with me.
So no I will not be reading whatever it's called.
I don't read a lot of indy books. It's for a lot of reasons. The main reason being I don't have an e-reader other than my laptop and the other being I don't want to shift through all the shit to get through the few gems that exist in the independent book world (and yes, there are a few good indys you just need to know where to look).
So why am I reading this?
Well, this little book has caused a lot of controversy or should I say its author has caused a lot of controversy by harassing and publicly outing reviewers amongst other things. Honestly, the book itself has developed a reputation of being like The Room of YA/Fantasy books. However, I think it's worse than that movie (though you can argue that the author's actions are about on the same level as this).
Before I start reviewing said book, here's some things you need to know about me. My undergrad degree is in creative writing. That does not mean I'm necessary a good writer, but that does mean I've had training to find basic writing mistakes and I know how to workshop stories. This story, I'm pretty sure, has never been workshopped. So, that's what I'm going to do today.
Title: How do you even pronounce it? I get that this book is a fantasy, but the title of your work should be something your audience should identify with. It should draw the reader in. This title just makes the reader look at the book oddly wondering what the heck it is and if it's even written in English.
Grammar: People do make mistakes, but this is published work. Published work for sale which means it should be rid of typos and internet chat speak (yes, !? would be considered internet chat speak). Having these sort of errors are glaring and makes the work look unprofessional. Honestly, I've seen fan fiction that has less grammatical errors than this. I get that indy's lack the resources that the major publishing houses have, but it's not that expensive to hire a copy editor. Case in point, I have a cousin who makes her living from copy editing and most of her client base consist of poor college students. If a college student can afford to have their term paper looked at then Douthit can afford having her manuscript looked at.
Show Not Tell: This is like the first rule you'll learn in a creative writing class. Need an example of what showing is versus telling.
Telling:
"Yeah, right!" she said with a sassy sniff and mounted.
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2024-2025). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
How could this have been turned into showing. By merely chopping off sassy sniff. And showing through the characters dialogue and actions that she's sassy. Remember, the reader isn't stupid. This is only a small sample of the over use of telling that goes on in this book. I chose this particular quote because it's one of the lease painful to read. But imagine reading a whole book like this it would drive you crazy.
Info Dump: Even the most experience writers have problems with world building. It's a complicated task. However, one of the big lessons about world building is not to info dump. Here's a sample of this hideousness:
"Ben hesitated for moment and then said slowly: "Your father is King Duquaine, the Rightful King of the Realm and a scion of the Ielierian." Chalice' heart sank. She hung her head again and rubbed her temples. Her head was no longer hurting but she knew what being a daughter of the King meant and she didn't want to believe it."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2704-2706). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
This continues for another thirty or so pages. I know, right? Just this paragraph alone is causing you to yawn. That's why info dumping is so bad because the reader gets bored. Plus, it upsets the balance of mystery vs manners. Good authors don't tell the reader everything at once, they let information slip gradually. Sometimes through dialogue (but not dialogue like this), actions, narration, or other devices. Remember, the Harry Potter world wasn't built in one book. Rowling took her time with gradually emerging Harry and the reader into the wizarding world. That's why it work.
ced Dialogue: Dialogue is hard to do. You have to make yourself (as an author) sound like multiple people, keep the flow of conversation, and at the same time that dialogue needs to convey the relationship/s that the characters have with each other. Let's look at a typical dialogue passage in Douthit's book:
"Let me see that book, Chalice," he demanded, holding out his hand. She gave it to him and he studied it thoroughly. "What is Shae'Ielian?" he asked.
"That means the Rightful King. Why? What do you think the verse is talking about?"
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 846-848). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
This is essentially how the dialogue is used throughout the whole story. Question. Some lame answer. Question. It doesn't flow and these two characters that are suppose to share some great bond come off as lame. Speaking of characters.....
Horrible Characters: The characters in this were horrible. You can basically summarize them up in one or two sentences.
Chalice: Special snowflake (see below quote)
"Chalice was also very beautiful. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes. "
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 200-202). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Jeremy: Special snowflakes boy toy. Who author avoids using the cliche insta love by making them long lost friends (it doesn't work, it just makes the forced relationship between the two even more painful).
"She couldn't believe she had forgotten him. They had been inseparable during the three years he stayed with her and her grandparents at the inn. She remembered the words of Grandma Naelli: Those two are always together. You can never find one without the other. She should have at least recognized him by his eyes. He had the same eyes. Of course, everything else had changed quite a bit. Time had done its job."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 527-531). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Chinuk: A rip off of George Lucas's ewoks (better people than me have went into more depth on this)
Ben: An Albus Dumbledore/Gandalf wannabe who info dumps so profusely that his info dump has turned into info diarrhea.
Horses: Oh, God there are more descriptions (even a chapter) devoted to the horses than anyone else. This horse obsession reminds me of Grace Brisbane's obsession with wolves in Shiver. Here's a sample:
"She was the most beautiful horse she had ever seen. She was pure white with four dark hooves and dark eyes. Her forelock, mane and tail were as white as the snow and they draped down her forehead, neck and rear, blowing smoothly in the cool wind."
Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia (Kindle Locations 2223-2225). Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
Supporting Friends: We have the bland girlfriend of Chalice (really, what's with that name) and their chubby friend who eats all the time--now where have I seen that before (oh, like every bad movie that involves a quest)?
Plot: So we come to this. Since the characters are so cliche it shouldn't surprise you then that the plot was cliche too when it exist. That's right when it exists. Most of the book consisted of info dumping that was inconsistent and so boring that I didn't quite understand what their quest was. Maybe that's because of the made up language that was used heavily throughout the book too which looked like someone got drunk and then decided to have fun on Microsoft Word.
Verdict: The Ra-Rashakaka (okay, The Raie'Chaelia) needs a lot of work. I don't even know if it is salvable. It needs to be completely rewritten probably at least twice and then heavily edited (probably about ten to fifteen times) and then looked at by a copy editor or least someone who did fairly well in English in high school. I get that this book is a self published book, but it's still work people are paying for. You know, despite her antics I feel sorry for Ms. Douthit. It must be hard to live in a delusional world where you can't accept that your writing isn't perfect. Criticism is there for a reason. That's why creative writing classes are spent eighty percent of the time workshopping others work. Do I suggest reading this book? No. I got it for free that's the only reason I read it. However, if you like looking at a good train wreck (like me) this might interest you. At the very least, it's a good way to workshop work without attending an actual creative writing class. Oh, and Ms. Douthit, my creative writing teacher didn't care if anyone's comments for the workshop were negative. We didn't get to talk to the end and we had to accept and appreciate what other students said to us. After all, it's not like you paid for this review
Original Review:
Why would I want to read this?
1) I want to be bullied
2) I want all my private information released to everyone in the world: I think not.
3) I want to induce myself to bad memories of workshopping others work in Intro to Creative Writing
4) I want to attempt to pronounce the title
5) I want to read about Mary Sues.
Needless to say, I won't be reading this or any of Ms. Douthit's other works. Her recent behavior of outing readers and disclosing private information seals the deal with me.
So no I will not be reading whatever it's called.
unlikely
February 4, 2013Edit: I was strongly tempted to read this (I did attempt and gave up on the third page), but I reconsidered in part to Lissa's awesome review, which you should all go check out. Big shout out to Amazon for allowing kindle content returns! The poor Amazon Customer Service Rep. couldn't even pronounce the title. Smh. Well, that makes all of us! XD
...
....
.....
Why do I always bust out in a fit of giggles whenever I see this cover? LMAO.
...
....
.....
Why do I always bust out in a fit of giggles whenever I see this cover? LMAO.
December 4, 2013
Not my cuppa. I believe The Raie' Chaelia translates into 'the douche-bag', so no thanks - ever
April 10, 2012
Yet another update 10 April 2012
I read this on the author's blog:
Which of course is her way of justifying her prose and ginormous wads of information.
To which I must say;
I know fantasy novels need to lay out their world. I think
other reviewers have noted on the infodumping, and I think almost everyone will agree with me when I say there is a SMART way to get this kind of information across; a FUN and ENTERTAINING way that won't get readers bored ---- and then there is the LAZY way; ie through ONE CHARACTER EXPLAINING IT to another like a fucking schoolchild explaining the rules of pythagoras to another, which is exactly what's happening in this book.
So don't try to justify your infodumping, missy.
Also,
"world-building in these types of books is very important and is something upon which the author spends a good deal of effort."
Here's a little gem: Keep that "good deal of effort" to yourself. Meaning, it's great that you have all this background about your world and everything, but if it isn't relevant to the story, DON'T unload it upon us. In other words, if you really feel the need to infodump on us, at least choose what's actually important for us to know.
***
Update 28 Feb 2012
I can't for the life of me finish this.
Too much description. I mean, too much.
Too much mary-sueness.
Too many pages. Toooooo muuuuuuccchhhhh.
***
GAH! Accidentally deleted this and all my notes :(
Anyway.
Reading this as part of the self-pubbed challenge between me & my good friend Amanda.
Got this free from Smashwords here.
Who can say no to a free book?
I read this on the author's blog:
My advice to those who don’t like long descriptions or info-dumping is this: don’t read fantasies that introduce new worlds. The reason is because world-building in these types of books is very important and is something upon which the author spends a good deal of effort. You cannot introduce a new world without descriptions or world-building information. It just can’t be done. If an author tried, the reader would be so lost, they wouldn’t be able to follow the story and then they would really complain. No. The world in which the characters live is essential and cannot be ignored.
Which of course is her way of justifying her prose and ginormous wads of information.
To which I must say;
I know fantasy novels need to lay out their world. I think
other reviewers have noted on the infodumping, and I think almost everyone will agree with me when I say there is a SMART way to get this kind of information across; a FUN and ENTERTAINING way that won't get readers bored ---- and then there is the LAZY way; ie through ONE CHARACTER EXPLAINING IT to another like a fucking schoolchild explaining the rules of pythagoras to another, which is exactly what's happening in this book.
So don't try to justify your infodumping, missy.
Also,
"world-building in these types of books is very important and is something upon which the author spends a good deal of effort."
Here's a little gem: Keep that "good deal of effort" to yourself. Meaning, it's great that you have all this background about your world and everything, but if it isn't relevant to the story, DON'T unload it upon us. In other words, if you really feel the need to infodump on us, at least choose what's actually important for us to know.
***
Update 28 Feb 2012
I can't for the life of me finish this.
Too much description. I mean, too much.
Too much mary-sueness.
Too many pages. Toooooo muuuuuuccchhhhh.
***
GAH! Accidentally deleted this and all my notes :(
Anyway.
Reading this as part of the self-pubbed challenge between me & my good friend Amanda.
Got this free from Smashwords here.
Who can say no to a free book?
October 28, 2015
Although I was leery, after the big brouhaha, I wanted to see how the book stood on its own. Luckily the book was free for Kindle right now. Luckily Kindle for PC is free. Unluckily, I forced myself to read a lot of the book so I could write a fair review. I really tried. But...
It doesn't start off well: The title is unpronounceable. Hint: You want people to be able to pronounce the title of your book so that when they talk about it with others, people can recognize and remember the name, not be turned away by your pomposity. And the whole apostrophe in a fantasy name has been done to death. Why not a semi-colon or an ampersand?
Moving on, the experience goes downhill from there as the writing is atrocious. It reminds me of my writing in middle school and early high school when I thought good writing meant lots of metaphors and similes and I sat with my thesaurus open as I edited my text so I would use what I thought were big and creative words. Anyway, I didn't get far enough to learn a whole lot about the plot. I was too hung up on the overbearing descriptions, some of which didn't make a lot of sense or were grossly redundant. Here is the second sentence in the second paragraph:
"Wind in the subterranean caverns that wove deeply into the heart of the land whistled a musical sound that echoed through the winding passages, falling just short of discovering underground secrets that were lost to the ages."
Normally I would have stopped there, but I really wanted to be able to review this so I could be brave and put up a real rating for the author to see and attack. I'm sure I'll be safe though because by now there are just too many people doing this that she couldn't possibly get to us all. Not that I'm afraid of reprisal. As I've said recently, I share so much about my life that anyone could find out who I am and where I live within a matter of minutes, which is really quite stupid of me. Moving on...
Here is the description of the protagonist:
"Chalice was also very beautiful. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes. She wore an ocean-blue riding habit that was split in the skirt for straddling a horse and laced with a wavy pattern down the sides. It was comfortable and snug in the bosom and waist, but flared out at the bottom. What held in her body heat, though, was her darkly tanned, hooded, riding cloak that she had made out of lambskin. It was resilient and leathery on the outside for protection, and soft and furry on the inside for warmth. On the ring finger of her right hand, she donned a golden ring with a rare, long-cut, ice-blue diamond set in the heart of it. She was told that it had once belonged to her mother. On her riding dress, just below her left shoulder, hung a sapphire broach given to her by her grandmother, Naelli. However much she valued these gemstones from her mother and grandmother, her favored possession was the golden pendant around her neck that she kept close to her skin, under her garments. It held a golden amulet that Papa had had crafted by Elijah, Créone's master smith who lived on the outskirts of Canton. The amulet was a circle that contained three lines meeting in the center and ending on the perimeter, not quite equidistant from one another, so that they formed what looked like a Y enclosed in the circle."
WAY too much detail WAY too much telling and not showing. Do I really need that much info about how this kid is dressed? I do have an imagination. I don't have to see her exactly as the author pictures her. Plus, red rosebud mouth? Large sapphire eyes? Golden curls? Has the author just copied and pasted from random fantasy novels to get her character's looks? Later we find that the girl is petite but a trained fighter and therefore feminine but tough. (She is also sure there is some mystery surrounding her childhood.) Wow, we're really smashing the stereotype here.
What I can tell you of the plot is that by 4% of the way in:
The evil King’s men have taken over her village. Her papa has sent her off on a mysterious mission away from her family at the time they need her most. She is bewildered but follows his orders like a good girl. She is to meet some man she doesn’t know. She is heading for beautiful mountains that are beautiful but dangerous by going through dark and dangerous forests and passing jagged and dangerous chasms. She believes trying to cross the mountains is foolish and only someone insane would try it. (Hmm, think she’s probably going to have to do it later?) She misses her grandparents and her friends terribly and wonders how they are doing. She remembers sweet little scenes with them.
She has vivid dreams of walking through a building with white corridors and then doing a bunch of weird stuff like look at books on shelves or at specific objects. It is obvious from the text that she will continue having these dreams as the story progresses.
At one point when speaking about some random creature, she says, "So that's what they look like! I never knew they were so weird," which was jarring and felt too much like a modern day teenager for the character the author has created. She later sees a bakery where the bread is in bags inside of baskets and a baking peel is used to pull the bread out of the oven. I could be wrong but I think a peel is a fairly recent invention, most notably used for pizza. That and the fact that the bread is in bags feels anachronistic. Yes it’s a fantasy world but she’s already established that it’s a trite typical one so these tiny details are really not the place to branch out.
About the love interest (whose face, of course, is “chiseled”):
”Those dark, intelligent eyes always burrowed into her when he was in deep thought. Jeremiah was the strong, silent type…
She is young (this is a young adult novel) and although she knew this young man so many years ago that she had forgotten him and they have just met again, his eyes always burrowed into her.
Do I have to go further? Do you need more to get this is a trite and poorly written book? Do you believe me now that I actually tried to read it but it was too awful?
All book quotes from: Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia. Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
It doesn't start off well: The title is unpronounceable. Hint: You want people to be able to pronounce the title of your book so that when they talk about it with others, people can recognize and remember the name, not be turned away by your pomposity. And the whole apostrophe in a fantasy name has been done to death. Why not a semi-colon or an ampersand?
Moving on, the experience goes downhill from there as the writing is atrocious. It reminds me of my writing in middle school and early high school when I thought good writing meant lots of metaphors and similes and I sat with my thesaurus open as I edited my text so I would use what I thought were big and creative words. Anyway, I didn't get far enough to learn a whole lot about the plot. I was too hung up on the overbearing descriptions, some of which didn't make a lot of sense or were grossly redundant. Here is the second sentence in the second paragraph:
"Wind in the subterranean caverns that wove deeply into the heart of the land whistled a musical sound that echoed through the winding passages, falling just short of discovering underground secrets that were lost to the ages."
Normally I would have stopped there, but I really wanted to be able to review this so I could be brave and put up a real rating for the author to see and attack. I'm sure I'll be safe though because by now there are just too many people doing this that she couldn't possibly get to us all. Not that I'm afraid of reprisal. As I've said recently, I share so much about my life that anyone could find out who I am and where I live within a matter of minutes, which is really quite stupid of me. Moving on...
Here is the description of the protagonist:
"Chalice was also very beautiful. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes. She wore an ocean-blue riding habit that was split in the skirt for straddling a horse and laced with a wavy pattern down the sides. It was comfortable and snug in the bosom and waist, but flared out at the bottom. What held in her body heat, though, was her darkly tanned, hooded, riding cloak that she had made out of lambskin. It was resilient and leathery on the outside for protection, and soft and furry on the inside for warmth. On the ring finger of her right hand, she donned a golden ring with a rare, long-cut, ice-blue diamond set in the heart of it. She was told that it had once belonged to her mother. On her riding dress, just below her left shoulder, hung a sapphire broach given to her by her grandmother, Naelli. However much she valued these gemstones from her mother and grandmother, her favored possession was the golden pendant around her neck that she kept close to her skin, under her garments. It held a golden amulet that Papa had had crafted by Elijah, Créone's master smith who lived on the outskirts of Canton. The amulet was a circle that contained three lines meeting in the center and ending on the perimeter, not quite equidistant from one another, so that they formed what looked like a Y enclosed in the circle."
WAY too much detail WAY too much telling and not showing. Do I really need that much info about how this kid is dressed? I do have an imagination. I don't have to see her exactly as the author pictures her. Plus, red rosebud mouth? Large sapphire eyes? Golden curls? Has the author just copied and pasted from random fantasy novels to get her character's looks? Later we find that the girl is petite but a trained fighter and therefore feminine but tough. (She is also sure there is some mystery surrounding her childhood.) Wow, we're really smashing the stereotype here.
What I can tell you of the plot is that by 4% of the way in:
The evil King’s men have taken over her village. Her papa has sent her off on a mysterious mission away from her family at the time they need her most. She is bewildered but follows his orders like a good girl. She is to meet some man she doesn’t know. She is heading for beautiful mountains that are beautiful but dangerous by going through dark and dangerous forests and passing jagged and dangerous chasms. She believes trying to cross the mountains is foolish and only someone insane would try it. (Hmm, think she’s probably going to have to do it later?) She misses her grandparents and her friends terribly and wonders how they are doing. She remembers sweet little scenes with them.
She has vivid dreams of walking through a building with white corridors and then doing a bunch of weird stuff like look at books on shelves or at specific objects. It is obvious from the text that she will continue having these dreams as the story progresses.
At one point when speaking about some random creature, she says, "So that's what they look like! I never knew they were so weird," which was jarring and felt too much like a modern day teenager for the character the author has created. She later sees a bakery where the bread is in bags inside of baskets and a baking peel is used to pull the bread out of the oven. I could be wrong but I think a peel is a fairly recent invention, most notably used for pizza. That and the fact that the bread is in bags feels anachronistic. Yes it’s a fantasy world but she’s already established that it’s a trite typical one so these tiny details are really not the place to branch out.
About the love interest (whose face, of course, is “chiseled”):
”Those dark, intelligent eyes always burrowed into her when he was in deep thought. Jeremiah was the strong, silent type…
She is young (this is a young adult novel) and although she knew this young man so many years ago that she had forgotten him and they have just met again, his eyes always burrowed into her.
Do I have to go further? Do you need more to get this is a trite and poorly written book? Do you believe me now that I actually tried to read it but it was too awful?
All book quotes from: Douthit, Melissa (2011-05-27). The Raie'Chaelia. Couronne Press. Kindle Edition.
February 14, 2015
Come at me, bro.
December 4, 2013
Read the review on my blog:
http://thaliasbooks.tumblr.com/post/4...
http://thaliasbooks.tumblr.com/post/4...
not-my-cup-of-tea
August 27, 2016There's no way on this ever-loving earth I'm reading any part or anything to do with this series.
June 4, 2012
Review to come, but... wow. Just wow. Gives self publishing a bad name. I want this out of my eyes.
Edit:
Okay, now I have had some time to sit and digest, I can be more coherent. I understand from reading other reviews that there's been some recent brouhaha around this author. I couldn't give less of a crap. This review is about this book and why it pisses me off.
Here is a single paragraph taken completely at random at 6% in the book:
So yeah. Do you imagine reading a book of that to be any fun? Are you a fan of commas in random places? Words stuck together where they shouldn't be? Love it when any hope of a plot is stalled and then strangled by huge blocks of exposition and description that lead nowhere? Then this may be the book for you.
As for me, it's almost enraging to think that an author has the absolute balls to put out a book this NOT ready for prime time and ask that people pay for it. This book isn't in need of an editor. It still needs to go through several drafts before it's ready for an editor to slog through.
I think that there was an enjoyable novel hidden in there and that this author has talent. I really do. But their learning curve is going to be at the expense of the people tricked into purchasing work like this.
Edit:
Okay, now I have had some time to sit and digest, I can be more coherent. I understand from reading other reviews that there's been some recent brouhaha around this author. I couldn't give less of a crap. This review is about this book and why it pisses me off.
Here is a single paragraph taken completely at random at 6% in the book:
Outside she had a full view of what had been blocked by the large copse of trees. In front of her lay a large fenced and gated area of farm animals tucked away safely in their pens. Beyond that sprawled hectares of crop fields and orchards, which were watered by an irrigation system that she had never seen before. It was constructed of what appeared to be pipes, of fireclay material, that extended from the river to the cultivated ground. A small vineyard grew behind an enormous storage barn that sat side-by-side with the house, along the waterfront. Between the two structures was a display of rustic carts and wagons for transporting goods. Behind them, a long, sturdy, wooden ramp stretched deep into the water and supported a huge waterwheel that rotated steadily by the force of the river current catching the wheel's palettes. From a large, wooden box that grew out of the ramp, next to the wheel, ran two sets of thin pipelines, one set extending to the house, the other to the barn.
So yeah. Do you imagine reading a book of that to be any fun? Are you a fan of commas in random places? Words stuck together where they shouldn't be? Love it when any hope of a plot is stalled and then strangled by huge blocks of exposition and description that lead nowhere? Then this may be the book for you.
As for me, it's almost enraging to think that an author has the absolute balls to put out a book this NOT ready for prime time and ask that people pay for it. This book isn't in need of an editor. It still needs to go through several drafts before it's ready for an editor to slog through.
I think that there was an enjoyable novel hidden in there and that this author has talent. I really do. But their learning curve is going to be at the expense of the people tricked into purchasing work like this.
won-t-ever-read
June 4, 2012I don't usually pass a book based on author bad attitude, but what Mellisa Douthit do is beyond disgusting. To attack reviewers is bad. Put their private info in public? Worse.
I suggest you to take some theraphy before write your opinion in Internet, Ms Douthit. Hell, maybe you MUST avoid internet,live in your happy sunshine rainbow world, where everyone give your book 5 stars. We have enough Goodreads drama.
I suggest you to take some theraphy before write your opinion in Internet, Ms Douthit. Hell, maybe you MUST avoid internet,live in your happy sunshine rainbow world, where everyone give your book 5 stars. We have enough Goodreads drama.
October 18, 2014
Chalice was also very beautiful, which made it difficult for the boys to spar with her. She had fair skin and a smooth oval face that was caressed by long, golden, butternut curls. They folded down the sides of her cheeks and framed her red rosebud mouth, button nose, and large sapphire eyes that were decorated with long dark eyelashes. She wore an ocean-blue riding habit that was split in the skirt for straddling a horse and laced with a wavy pattern down the sides. It was comfortable and snug in the bosom and waist, but flared out at the bottom. What held in her body heat, though, was her darkly tanned, hooded, riding cloak that she had made out of lambskin. It was resilient and leathery on the outside for protection, and soft and furry on the inside for warmth. On the ring finger of her right hand, she donned a golden ring with a rare, long-cut, ice-blue diamond set in the heart of it. She was told that it had once belonged to her mother. On her riding dress, just below her left shoulder, hung a sapphire broach given to her by her grandmother, Naelli. However much she valued these gemstones from her mother and grandmother, her favored possession was the golden pendant around her neck that she kept close to her skin, under her garments. It held a golden amulet that Papa had had crafted by Elijah, Créone’s master smith who lived on the outskirts of Canton.
The amulet was a circle that contained three lines meeting in the center and ending on the perimeter, not quite equidistant from one another, so that they formed what looked like a Y enclosed in the circle. The amulet was special, not only because it was a gift from Papa, whom she loved dearly, but also because it was the exact shape of a distinct and unique birthmark on her right shoulder. At one time she had been doubtful that she was born with the mark because it was so unusual, but Papa had sworn that she was. He called it her lucky charm. Chalice was just shy of her eighteenth birthday, and he had been preparing something special for her. She suspected that the surprise was not of material gifts, though, but of the knowledge that she longed for her whole ife, the knowledge of her family. All she had ever known about herself, from the earliest she could remember, was that she was Chalice Pandretti, granddaughter to Sebastian and NaelliPandretti, who ran the Inn and Winery on Canton Run. Of her past and the existence of the rest of her family, she knew nothing. She had always wondered if maybe she had been an unwanted child. It was something that haunted her constantly. When she asked Papa about it, he said that she wasn’t old enough to know, that she must not ask further, and then he remained silent. For the celebration of her eighteenth birthday, he gave subtle hints that he would break that silence but it was too late. The village had been attacked and she had had to flee before the King’s men reached the inn. Now she despaired that she would never know.
Yeah, but NO.
no-way-in-hell
January 13, 2013
September 23, 2013
OMG, people STILL use gratuitous apostrophe marks in fantasy names?
September 22, 2013
How the Frackity Flux do you pronounce this name.
You don't even get a star rating this is going to be minus star rating if thats not possible i'll make it possible. thats for harrassing my friends and my friends friends i'm so glad i'm not gonna waste my precious time on this swine excremint. and i quote from your blog missy
"they have a right to express their opinions. Everyone does. Do you hear that Melissa et al.? EVERYONE DOES!"
so suck it!!
You don't even get a star rating this is going to be minus star rating if thats not possible i'll make it possible. thats for harrassing my friends and my friends friends i'm so glad i'm not gonna waste my precious time on this swine excremint. and i quote from your blog missy
"they have a right to express their opinions. Everyone does. Do you hear that Melissa et al.? EVERYONE DOES!"
so suck it!!
May 31, 2012
I've read enough of this book to rate it. Calling it bad is an understatement.
not-interested
January 5, 2013Again with the drama? No desire to read this book.
nopity-nope-nope
January 7, 2017If you want to know why I won't ever read this then check out Wendy Darling's review.
BTW, I don't rate books that I don't read, but I shelve accordingly.
BTW, I don't rate books that I don't read, but I shelve accordingly.
Want to read
June 28, 2012Yeah, no way in hell.
May 27, 2014
Not for me.
December 1, 2011
This was an interesting read. The story was rich in imagination and colorful with descriptions. Personally, I enjoyed the first half of the book more which was filled with an adventurous journey. The second half of the book got bogged down with lengthy explainations of history which should add to the story, but I found myself wanting to skip over long paragraphs of back information not necessary to this first book in the series. Still, I enjoyed the read and hope for a little more romance in the next book.
Added Review:
There was so much world building that the book was hard to stay focused on. Along with the world building, there was a lot of terminology to learn almost like a foreign language. Then to add to that a lot of the names were different as well. I think all of these elements make a very interesting fantasy read, but for me it was hard to get into. I think if I’d had time to patiently read the book, I might have enjoyed those elements more. But I was searching for more romance and action. There was some action and not much romance, which for some stories I’m fine with. But for this one, I was really looking forward to it.
But I feel that I did like the story and would read the next one so I consider this book a 3.5 and I’ve rounded up because I think this has great potential.
For those readers who love fantasy and are not into a lot of romance, this is the book for you.
I would totally recommend to YA fantasy novel readers.
Added Review:
There was so much world building that the book was hard to stay focused on. Along with the world building, there was a lot of terminology to learn almost like a foreign language. Then to add to that a lot of the names were different as well. I think all of these elements make a very interesting fantasy read, but for me it was hard to get into. I think if I’d had time to patiently read the book, I might have enjoyed those elements more. But I was searching for more romance and action. There was some action and not much romance, which for some stories I’m fine with. But for this one, I was really looking forward to it.
But I feel that I did like the story and would read the next one so I consider this book a 3.5 and I’ve rounded up because I think this has great potential.
For those readers who love fantasy and are not into a lot of romance, this is the book for you.
I would totally recommend to YA fantasy novel readers.
Read
July 26, 2012Complete disregard for readers and their opinions?
Pass.
Pass.
February 15, 2013
Okay, I picked up this book when it was free to see what the hooplah is all about.
This author is greatly disliked and greatly loved by many...Well, I am going to give the free book a shot and make up my own mind.
ETA...Wait, wait, wait...have you ever read something in a book and just said "Whaaaa? Erm..." Well, I just did.
Out of nowhere the main character experiences the "Na'Veda"...she talks about after all of the "training" she had finally received it...The problem? There is NO TRAINING described or told of!!!
There are aspects of this book that are just frustrating too! Here is a small excerpt from the book.
She looked into his eyes and saw no fear. "I'm ready if you are," she said bravely.
"Okay, stay behind me."
"But I want to go first."
For one thing, the main character sounds and acts like an impudent child half of the time. Yet, everywhere she goes she is loved and assisted in astounding ways. SHE ISN'T EVEN LIKABLE! The way she is written she is flat, annoying as all get out, and frustrating! At one point, in the middle of an incredibly dangerous situation, she stops to look at the stick of dynamite (named a firestick in the book) and takes the time to note it and describe it!!! WHAT???
The descriptions in this book aren't of important things. The author is great at painting a picture of what is going on and what items are around BUT, you are left guessing as to the characters feelings. Ultimately, instead of letting you know how the characters are feeling, the author basically narrates it to you, one way or the other.
The best written character is a supporting character named Jeremiah. He is likeable, sweet, and couragous. I have found myself relating to him far more than the main character and I wonder how such a great guy like him could have fallen for such a wench as Chalice.
As I am only 86% done with the book, I will have to finish this review when I have completed the book.
ETA...
When I started this book, I had no idea it was part of a series. To be frank, I am not going to read anymore of the series. This book was painful enough. The one character I really loved was a rip off of an Ewok. But it was just as cute and cuddly as in the Star Wars movie =) He was so cute.
The descriptions of unimportant things was painful. Everything was described...right down to the irrigation systems (was the author perhaps raised on a farm?). Though accurate, it was painful to read multiple times.
Honestly, this book could have easily been a 4-5 star book. IF (notice the capitalized IF) the author had done a better job of rounding out the characters and building a believable plot. Some of the things were just ridiculous.
Example? It is one thing to magically escape death or capture a few times in a book...but by my count.
1. Leaving her village.
2. Leaving the village she had traveled too.
3. Should have died of altitude sickness but was saved.
4. Narrow escape from an inn.
5. Narrow escape from a castle.
6. Captured but miraculously saved by unknown people who just burst out of the woods and save her and Jeremiah...because their prophet told them too?
7. Hand fights (Chalice) 5 of the most deadly men (particular race of them) and manages to kill all of them...seemingly without breaking a sweat.
8. Is trapped in a tunnel, suddenly knows there is another tunnel behind a stone wall.
Those are just the ones I can think of...
Reading those, it sounds like a good book...right? Wrong. It wasn't just a good story line, it was great. The writing and the descriptions left something to be desired.
I would be interested in reading a re-write of this story. If the author ever put the time into building her characters into honest to goodness characters, I would love to read it again! Written the way it is? I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. (Unless you like a bunch of pointless droning about nothing and having every single detail described at length).
This author is greatly disliked and greatly loved by many...Well, I am going to give the free book a shot and make up my own mind.
ETA...Wait, wait, wait...have you ever read something in a book and just said "Whaaaa? Erm..." Well, I just did.
Out of nowhere the main character experiences the "Na'Veda"...she talks about after all of the "training" she had finally received it...The problem? There is NO TRAINING described or told of!!!
There are aspects of this book that are just frustrating too! Here is a small excerpt from the book.
She looked into his eyes and saw no fear. "I'm ready if you are," she said bravely.
"Okay, stay behind me."
"But I want to go first."
For one thing, the main character sounds and acts like an impudent child half of the time. Yet, everywhere she goes she is loved and assisted in astounding ways. SHE ISN'T EVEN LIKABLE! The way she is written she is flat, annoying as all get out, and frustrating! At one point, in the middle of an incredibly dangerous situation, she stops to look at the stick of dynamite (named a firestick in the book) and takes the time to note it and describe it!!! WHAT???
The descriptions in this book aren't of important things. The author is great at painting a picture of what is going on and what items are around BUT, you are left guessing as to the characters feelings. Ultimately, instead of letting you know how the characters are feeling, the author basically narrates it to you, one way or the other.
The best written character is a supporting character named Jeremiah. He is likeable, sweet, and couragous. I have found myself relating to him far more than the main character and I wonder how such a great guy like him could have fallen for such a wench as Chalice.
As I am only 86% done with the book, I will have to finish this review when I have completed the book.
ETA...
When I started this book, I had no idea it was part of a series. To be frank, I am not going to read anymore of the series. This book was painful enough. The one character I really loved was a rip off of an Ewok. But it was just as cute and cuddly as in the Star Wars movie =) He was so cute.
The descriptions of unimportant things was painful. Everything was described...right down to the irrigation systems (was the author perhaps raised on a farm?). Though accurate, it was painful to read multiple times.
Honestly, this book could have easily been a 4-5 star book. IF (notice the capitalized IF) the author had done a better job of rounding out the characters and building a believable plot. Some of the things were just ridiculous.
Example? It is one thing to magically escape death or capture a few times in a book...but by my count.
1. Leaving her village.
2. Leaving the village she had traveled too.
3. Should have died of altitude sickness but was saved.
4. Narrow escape from an inn.
5. Narrow escape from a castle.
6. Captured but miraculously saved by unknown people who just burst out of the woods and save her and Jeremiah...because their prophet told them too?
7. Hand fights (Chalice) 5 of the most deadly men (particular race of them) and manages to kill all of them...seemingly without breaking a sweat.
8. Is trapped in a tunnel, suddenly knows there is another tunnel behind a stone wall.
Those are just the ones I can think of...
Reading those, it sounds like a good book...right? Wrong. It wasn't just a good story line, it was great. The writing and the descriptions left something to be desired.
I would be interested in reading a re-write of this story. If the author ever put the time into building her characters into honest to goodness characters, I would love to read it again! Written the way it is? I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. (Unless you like a bunch of pointless droning about nothing and having every single detail described at length).
October 18, 2015
Ugh. UGH.
The Raie'Chaelia or however it's spelt is a mess of wasted potential. The bare bones promise an enjoyable fantasy quest, which is never quite realised. Why is it not realised? Because of the TSTL heroine, Chalice, and some lazy plot decisions. Plot-wise, problems are solved with virtually no effort and often quite by accident. The heroine, hero and their somewhat merry crew are heading to rescue two + villages* worth of people who have been kidnapped and locked in a castle prison under the control of a despotic government, who would like nothing more than to get their hands on said heroine. Wouldn't you think they'd spend their time making plans, back up plans and back up back up plans? Rather than, say, teaching the ship's crew/castle inhabitants games, swapping dresses, having "historical tours"** and what not? And then, when they do have a serious problem, is it solved by any kind of logic? Nope. Mainly by Chalice having a funny five minutes, deciding to kick a wall in and just happening to come across . Falls on her feet, that one.
The entire cast of The Raie'Chaelia seem to think Chalice is some kind of legend and she is... only, a thick one. A typical conversation with Chalice:
"Chalice, Kirna says you are interested in seeing the astronomy tower. Am I right?" "Oh, yeah, I would love to see that." "Maybe we will have some time after dinner," Charleton added. "That would be great!" Chalice said as Jeremiah and Kirna beamed at her. "What is the astronomy tower?"
'Oh I'd love to see the astronomy tower! Wait... what's an astronomy tower?'
She kicks ass a couple of times, but even that is stopped from being cool because it's clear she couldn't really do it. She spends weeks travelling and yet never practices her martial arts and in any case thinks idiotic stuff like "at this point, she regretted having delivered him such a hard blow for he was young and incredibly handsome, with fine, chestnut hair and chocolate brown eyes", as if looks count for anything when someone is sneaking up on you.
The fact that she and the other characters speak like modern day American teenagers is a little grating, though not totally impossible given the implied backstory places The Raie'Chaelia as futuristic, despite fancy dresses and no electricity and what not. Just as grating is the fact that several things seem to be lifted from The Lord of the Rings. Take, for example, chapters Woodrock and Benjamin Graeystone which are rather a lot like the hobbits' meeting Aragorn in The Prancing Pony, or White Beauty who is reminiscent of Shadowfax.
The romance between hero/heroine is rather irritating in the sense that Jeremiah idolises Chalice, for no apparent reason other than she's pretty and likes his cooking; and that it is set up to be angsty, because their two races are sort-of forbidden to intermarry. It's a little hard to take angst about how they can never get together seriously when Chalice is already a half-breed, so who even cares?
There are a few technical errors - missing words, mostly. These become more frequent towards the end of the book, but would be an easy enough fix with a proofreader or two. Whether anything could be done for Chalice or the overly convenient plot remains to be seen.
* Including her grandparents, although when
**As opposed to post-modern tours presumably.
The Raie'Chaelia or however it's spelt is a mess of wasted potential. The bare bones promise an enjoyable fantasy quest, which is never quite realised. Why is it not realised? Because of the TSTL heroine, Chalice, and some lazy plot decisions. Plot-wise, problems are solved with virtually no effort and often quite by accident. The heroine, hero and their somewhat merry crew are heading to rescue two + villages* worth of people who have been kidnapped and locked in a castle prison under the control of a despotic government, who would like nothing more than to get their hands on said heroine. Wouldn't you think they'd spend their time making plans, back up plans and back up back up plans? Rather than, say, teaching the ship's crew/castle inhabitants games, swapping dresses, having "historical tours"** and what not? And then, when they do have a serious problem, is it solved by any kind of logic? Nope. Mainly by Chalice having a funny five minutes, deciding to kick a wall in and just happening to come across . Falls on her feet, that one.
The entire cast of The Raie'Chaelia seem to think Chalice is some kind of legend and she is... only, a thick one. A typical conversation with Chalice:
"Chalice, Kirna says you are interested in seeing the astronomy tower. Am I right?" "Oh, yeah, I would love to see that." "Maybe we will have some time after dinner," Charleton added. "That would be great!" Chalice said as Jeremiah and Kirna beamed at her. "What is the astronomy tower?"
'Oh I'd love to see the astronomy tower! Wait... what's an astronomy tower?'
She kicks ass a couple of times, but even that is stopped from being cool because it's clear she couldn't really do it. She spends weeks travelling and yet never practices her martial arts and in any case thinks idiotic stuff like "at this point, she regretted having delivered him such a hard blow for he was young and incredibly handsome, with fine, chestnut hair and chocolate brown eyes", as if looks count for anything when someone is sneaking up on you.
The fact that she and the other characters speak like modern day American teenagers is a little grating, though not totally impossible given the implied backstory places The Raie'Chaelia as futuristic, despite fancy dresses and no electricity and what not. Just as grating is the fact that several things seem to be lifted from The Lord of the Rings. Take, for example, chapters Woodrock and Benjamin Graeystone which are rather a lot like the hobbits' meeting Aragorn in The Prancing Pony, or White Beauty who is reminiscent of Shadowfax.
The romance between hero/heroine is rather irritating in the sense that Jeremiah idolises Chalice, for no apparent reason other than she's pretty and likes his cooking; and that it is set up to be angsty, because their two races are sort-of forbidden to intermarry. It's a little hard to take angst about how they can never get together seriously when Chalice is already a half-breed, so who even cares?
There are a few technical errors - missing words, mostly. These become more frequent towards the end of the book, but would be an easy enough fix with a proofreader or two. Whether anything could be done for Chalice or the overly convenient plot remains to be seen.
* Including her grandparents, although when
**As opposed to post-modern tours presumably.
November 30, 2011
The Raie'Chaelia, by Melissa Douthit
The Raie'Chaelia is the first book in The Legend of the Raie'Chaelia trilogy, this series is y/a fantasy which is filled with adventure and of course romance.
Chalice who has been raised by her grandparents and trained to fight, knows nothing of her life before her parents died. Her grandfather tells her one night she must leave and go find a man named Nathaniel Maehbeck she is to follow his instructions and Nathaniel will give her something. Chalice heads out on her long journey and along the way meets many different people along the way and finds out many interesting facts about herself and her family.
She meets up with a creature named Bunejab who is quite funny, and we are also introduced to Jeremiah who is a sweet guy and knows duty comes first you like him right away.
I think one of the best parts of this story is the magical/mystical portions of the story the author has a great imagination and describes everything in detail it’s like you can see it yourself.
Raie'Chaelia is full of adventure, romance, twists and is a definite read for anyone who loves Y/A fantasy novels.
The Raie'Chaelia is the first book in The Legend of the Raie'Chaelia trilogy, this series is y/a fantasy which is filled with adventure and of course romance.
Chalice who has been raised by her grandparents and trained to fight, knows nothing of her life before her parents died. Her grandfather tells her one night she must leave and go find a man named Nathaniel Maehbeck she is to follow his instructions and Nathaniel will give her something. Chalice heads out on her long journey and along the way meets many different people along the way and finds out many interesting facts about herself and her family.
She meets up with a creature named Bunejab who is quite funny, and we are also introduced to Jeremiah who is a sweet guy and knows duty comes first you like him right away.
I think one of the best parts of this story is the magical/mystical portions of the story the author has a great imagination and describes everything in detail it’s like you can see it yourself.
Raie'Chaelia is full of adventure, romance, twists and is a definite read for anyone who loves Y/A fantasy novels.
don-t-read-vault
July 26, 2012No Way in hell will I read this book or any by this author. Nope not going to happen!
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