Dear Zombie Sub-Genre,
As much as it pains me to say this, it’s over. I’m sorry. I saw this coming a few months ago, but I tried to ignore it out of love. Love for you, for the genre, and for the fans. But now it has to end. Believe me, this is as hard for me as it is for you. I wanted to work things out, but I just can’t hold out in the hopes that it will get better. It won’t.
Please, don’t be that way. Really, it’s not you, it’s me. Remember what Brian Keene said in the Afterword of The Undead Zombie Anthology. No? Let me refresh your memory. He stated that, “Zombies are the new vampires”. See that, right there, is exactly the problem. When we first met, it was new and different. Before Horror-Web, I never even really knew you existed. Sure I saw you from time to time on the T.V. or on the bookshelves, but I hadn’t really been paying attention. In fact, did you know that I grew up never having watched any of the Romero films and rarely read any books about you? Well, it’s true. In fact, it took me eight months just to remember the man’s name so I’d know whom people were always referring to at parties. And now, well, now I can honestly say that I have had my fill. It was fun at first, but now it’s just sad.
You’re everywhere now. I turn on the T.V. and there you are. I go into a bookstore, and you’re there. Hell, you’re even coming up in everyday conversations. It’s just too much. And even though the last time we were together, it was horrible, I want you to know that this last experience, this last moment we shared, well, it was beautiful. Well, maybe not beautiful, but it was perfect. A perfect ending to a very intense, very fulfilled relationship.
At the beginning of our “special” moment, I was a little disappointed and a little sad. I mean, really, a zombie octopus? Sure, David Wellington’s story, “Chuy and the Fish”, was classic in a George Romero kind of way, but it was so predictable. And D.L. Snell’s “Pale Moonlight”, well, that just really didn’t work for me. I didn’t get the point of it. Plus, I think he could have worked a little bit better with the werewolf angle. But Russell A. Calhoun’s “Hotline” brought me back to you. It was constantly surprising me. You know how I love that. And while I still held love for you after reading “Home”, by David Moody, the resentment began to settle in. It’s not that it was a bad story; just that it was so slow. Which is amazing, considering that it was only 17 pages.
But it was right after reading Eric S. Brown’s “ Reapers at the Door” that I began to really consider leaving you. Maybe it was the whole Aliens-meets-Day-of-the-Dead that ruined it for me, or maybe it was the sophomoric style. Either way, this is the exact moment it all began to go downhill for us. And even though I know it was wrong, I have to admit to you that I didn’t even read “The Diabolical Plan”, by Derek Gunn. I know, I’m so ashamed. But I just could not get into it, and every time I tried my eyes would glaze over and I would start imagining what it would be like to die of an embolism. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I have to be honest. And just when I thought I would be revived by Meghan Jurado’s story, “Dead world”, it turned out to be false hope and indigestion. Well, that and the whole Holocaust-reversed thing she was going for just irritated me.
Yes, I know, I’m rambling. I’m sorry; I’ll try to wrap it up. What I’m trying to say is this: even though stories such as “Grinning Samuel”, “Ann at Twilight” and “Donovan’s Leg” almost made me pack up and leave without so much as a word to you, it was the other stories that made me realize that even though we have to part, it won’t be forever. Stories that I thought were brilliant and creative, original and unique. Stories such as: “13 Ways of Looking at the Dead”, “The Last Living Man”, ”Undead Prometheus”, ”The Dead Life” and “The Graveyard Slot”. Oh, and Andre Duza’s “Like Chicken for Deadfucks”, that was beautiful.
I’ll come back to you now and then, but right now what I need is time and some space. Even though I know there are fans out there that would rate this experience as a 4.5, I have to be fair to myself and to you. I give it a solid 3.
I’ll be seeing you…
-As posted on Horror-Web.com