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Tucker Max #2

Assholes Finish First

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From the Tucker Max website:

What do you do when you've become rich and famous for writing a #1 best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures? I'll tell you what I do: I write another fucking book.

This is that book. Assholes Finish First is hilarious in ways you will recognize from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, and in other, newer ways you won't. Of course it has all the sex and debauchery you expect from my writing, but with a twist. You already know how I deal with women when I am poor and anonymous. You have no idea how I do it when I have money and fame.

It also answers the hard questions you've never thought of asking. What's it like to have sex with a midget? How about two of 'em? What happens when you eat too much beef jerky and then drink a gallon of vegetable juice? Or get head in an X-ray machine? The answers are inside, they are absurd, and they are the product of one man's experiences:

My name is still Tucker Max, and I am still an asshole.

404 pages, Hardcover

First published February 1, 2008

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About the author

Tucker Max

17 books878 followers
Tucker Max's first book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, is a #1 New York Times Best Seller, spent five years on the list, and has over 2 million copies in print. His second book, Assholes Finish First, and his third book, Hilarity Ensues, are also NY Times Best Sellers. He co-wrote and produced the movie based on his life/book, also titled “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.” He has also been credited with being the originator and leader of a new literary genre, “fratire,” is only the third writer (after Malcolm Gladwell and Michael Lewis) to ever have three books on the NY Times Nonfiction Best Seller List at one time, and was nominated to the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential List in 2009.

Tucker Max received his BA from the University of Chicago in 1998, and his JD from Duke Law School in 2001. He even attended Duke Law School on an academic scholarship, where he neglected to buy any of his textbooks for his final two years and spent part of one semester–while still enrolled in classes–living in Cancun. He currently lives in Austin, Texas.

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 825 reviews
Profile Image for David.
387 reviews
November 1, 2010
Trees died for this? Without question, this is the worst book I've ever read and, if even ten percent of what Max writes about is true, he is one of the worst human beings. I finished this piece of crap only due to the same fascination with which people view an automobile crash.

There is no - repeat no - redeeming social value here. Take a pass on this one, folks.
Profile Image for Lindsay.
209 reviews21 followers
July 13, 2015
The second book just makes Tucker seem like a one-trick pony. While his first was pretty damn hilarious, AFF is just a pitiful look at a middle-aged douche who doesn't quite know how to grow up. While Tucker IS a filthy pig, I feel less disgusted by him than by the hundreds of gutter skanks who have willingly and stupidly chosen to be his cum dumpster. Tucker, for the love of god just stop with the filthy hookers. A little more funny and a lot less about vaginas, please.
Profile Image for Holly.
28 reviews3 followers
February 8, 2011
If you know me then you know I am a truly good person who doesn't break the law or do drugs. I am not promiscuous, and I don't drink a lot.

Having said all that I love Tucker Max. He is irreverent and honest. Yes, he is that smart and if he were to use his powers for good the world would be a better place but far less interesting. He probably wouldn't even like me because let's face it I don't fit his ideal girl and I'm not a guy. That's fine I don't want to sleep with him or hang with him. I just want to read his hilarious books and maybe catch a show based on his stories every now and again.

If you like crazy antics that shouldn't work but somehow do then you will like his stories. His self deprecating delivery is what gets me. He will admit to being a self centered dick and somehow remain stubbornly attached to is skewed moral code.
Profile Image for Kelly.
447 reviews217 followers
January 18, 2011
You know what's worse than all the haters dogging out Tucker Max for being a self-proclaimed misogynist skank who gets more action than a toilet seat? It's all the women he sleeps with because of said attitude. Even though I'm sure his stories are exaggerated, I have no doubt that a good portion is true. And you know what else? They're hilarious!! I mean c'mon:

“The baby starts crying. The mom looks worried. I offer to help her make the baby stop. Stydie is skeptical, “Tucker, do you even know what to do with a crying baby?” I scoff, “Of course I do. You put it in a trash can.”

That's gold right there! And ladies, don't listen to the other reviewers; you shouldn't feel guilty because his material is offensive to women. Honestly, no one's safe and that's exactly why it's so fun. I leave you with this gem:

“New Yorkers think they’re so jaded that it’s impossible to shock them. They think they’ve seen and heard it all, and that may be mostly true. But I can tell you from experience that, at 2am in Midtown, pretty much every person on the street will stop and gawk when they see a guy holding hands with one midget, and another midget on his shoulders yelling out:


2 reviews3 followers
January 5, 2011
I saw this in the airport and was sucked in my the title. The title is far more literal than you can possibly imagine, although besides wealth, there is nothing "first" about this repugnant prick, except "first hardcover book I'll ever rip up and toss." I won't even recycle it, because the pages could never be bleached enough to eliminate the stench of pathetic tool the weeps from every line.

I am less of a person after reading this trash. I'm ashamed that I gave this douchebag money. He is the worst kind of douchebag - just pathetic. Please don't support him or read this book - you will lose intelligence.

If you so desire I'll provide cliff notes so you can eliminate any inkling of interest.

I laughed one time, when the author shit himself. That's it. I read 350 pages and I can't finish it. It hurts to much.
Profile Image for Jen.
138 reviews
December 19, 2011
Shame on this publisher for capitalizing on the bigoted, misogynistic, exaggerated rants of this psuedo story-teller MAN-CHILD.

I really wanted to laugh along with his antics, but by 50 pages in, I was too disgusted with his lack of humanity and immaturity to continue. If his aim was to offend, he succeeded. As I flipped through the rest of the book, I realized that it was just a few hundred more pages of the same without any redeeming chapters that might prove he has a thoughtful reflection in his childish brain.

I can't imagine that this book is some sort of crafted artistic statement that has an underlining commentary about society. His only point seems to be to show off how he can bully the people around him with "witty" attacks and bang as many women with low self esteem as possible.

I don't buy it.

If nothing else, this book exists in order to help the public avoid Tucker Max. Assholes do not finish first, they just make the most noise to appear like they are winning with their bullying antics. He may have monetary success right now, but karma will catch up to him. He'll die alone (hopefully with no progeny) of some flesh-eating penis cancer.

2 reviews1 follower
December 12, 2011
I picked this up at the airport because I needed some light reading and was in a rush. I couldn't imagine that someone would publish such drivel, so I was expecting irreverence and debauchery with maybe a little something to make it interesting. I was expecting maybe a modern day, lightweight Bukowski.

What I got was party tales of a frat boy (though I'm not sure if he was actually in a fraternity) and heaping helpings of drunken debauchery, but nothing that was actually interesting or funny enough to remember, and there's nothing particularly skillful or interesting about the writing, either. He does use punctuation correctly (most of the time), so he's got that going for him.

Max is a master at manipulating drunken women with low self esteem. Good for him. That's slightly harder than mastering the alphabet and multiplication tables. If you are someone who has already mastered the alphabet and multiplication and would like to move on to manipulating drunken women with low self-esteem, then I highly recommend this book to you.
Profile Image for Rainy.
32 reviews
October 20, 2011
Tucker Max is the kind of guy that no father wants his daughter to meet. Ever. He shows no respect for human beings and is very condescending towards everything. That shouldn't come as a surprise, considering this guy is writing about all the sexcapades he's had during the years. Sadly enough, one would think that even guys like him would eventually grow up and mature. Not Tucker Max. He's the epitome of a predator. Taking advantage of girls when they're drunk and even soliciting sex on his website while constantly insulting aforementioned girls and his so called friends.

However, during this book, there is an ever repeating trend. The girls he gets to have sex with have issues. Primarily with their father. He also seems to go mainly for the immature, inexperienced kind. Did I mention predator?

Some of the pictures in this book could be fake. The image of the leg of a girl who tattooed “I f***ed Tucker Max” on it, for example. If that is supposed to be a tattoo from a professional, she ought to get a refund.

This book is no piece of art, nor is it particularly well written. It's the ramblings of a frat boy who likes to get drunk and laid. Stereotypical and sadly enough, there are plenty of people out there that enjoy this type of writing. Calling it literature would be an insult to any serious author.

One true thing that is mentioned in this book however: Tucker Max is an asshole and proud of it.
Profile Image for Dave.
6 reviews2 followers
April 9, 2011
I'm rating this 4 stars merely because of its genre. Tucker Max made me laugh, inappropriately throughout the entirety of the book, and I must say, for a completely arrogant, entirely narcissistic individual, he is incredibly gifted with intelligence, wit, and literary prowess. It's almost as if he were accidentally blessed.
387 reviews13 followers
April 19, 2011
Diary of a bully kid. School bullies quite often grow up to get their JD’s from sports-crazed frat schools like Duke University in North Carolina. Less often do such law school graduates forgo the fat paychecks from corporate law for the publish-or-more-likely-perish world of professional writing. This differentiation separates Tucker Max from the herd of the perhaps millions of men who pursue the hedonistic pleasures without personal responsibility that Max so enthusiastically relishes in. One can only assume that somewhere among the lawyers who spend their days negotiating mergers and suing 12 year olds for illegally downloading Usher tracks are quite a number with more writing talent than Max.

Max does not so much write poorly as he presents the PowerPoint speakers notes version of his stories written in unadorned talking points: ”so I met this girl and she was totally hot and I got her drunk and then I took her back to my apartment and then…”. The stories themselves have a certain predictability to them. Tucker meets a girl and either (1) offends her or (2) has sex with her before offending her or Tucker meets a man or a woman he is not sexually interested in (fairly rare) and (1) offends him or her or (2) exploits him or her before eventually giving offense. If you dispute this assertion I invite you to point to the story in the book that doesn’t generally fit these patterns.

Although every story amounts to sex and / or screaming offensive remarks, not all are pointless but there is a clear pattern of diminishing returns. The books begins with Max buying a police bullhorn and screaming broad insults at fellow Duke University grad students who are also being subjected to the ridiculous ritual of having to camp a full weekend in return for the chance to buy basketball tickets. Given the situation, Max’s verbal abuse feels only slightly out of place and the tale has some genuine laughs. The stories that follow quickly fall into the pattern outlined above and differ little one to another. The artifice he tries to build of the fast thinking rebel collapses when an a girl challenges him to a drinking contest involving whiskey which Max apparently has an allergy (to put this in the full ridiculousness of its context think of Cookie Monster admitting to an allergy to macaroons). Instead of using his superior intellect to win the contest, Max can do little more than down the whisky and hope for the best. It turns out the fast-thinking hero is little more than Steve-O from the ”Jackass” television and movie series. The book hits its nadir with Max’s tale of driving a rented recreational vehicle blind drunk through the streets of Manhattan while his entourage of assorted delinquents fire full beer bottles at other motorists. In a prelude to the story, Max tells us no one was injured (or presumably killed) in the instance but given his advanced inebriation would he even have remembered or noticed? Further when he wriggles out of prolonged jail sentence by claiming the delinquent who ran off when the police finally caught up to them by lying to the Harlem police captain he says: ”it’s only a lie if you don’t believe it.” Of course, one could look at the rest of these tales of sex with Playboy bunnies with this credo in mind.

In short, the book presents the empty, vacuous, trivial boastings of an alcoholic over-educated teenager and you should find something better to do with your time.

Profile Image for Stewart Sternberg.
Author 6 books27 followers
February 24, 2020
I'm sorry. Yes, I read his first book. Yes, I laughed at that, and I laughed at this one. Yes, he's an asshole. He's a misogynistic S. O. B. If Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh has a spiritual avatar, it's Tucker Max.
29 reviews1 follower
December 23, 2011
I wish I could give it 1 1/2 stars, because I did laugh a couple of times (especially the first chapter, assuming it was true). There I was at B&N, doing last minute shopping, and the title sucked me in. The first couple of pages amused me. Anyone who has been to the B&N in Seattle knows the first floor is below street level and phone service stinks. There was no way to do a quick check of reviews or to Google the author. Had I done so...

At first, Tucker Max reminds me of guys I used to hang out with when I was young, quick witted, insulting, and girls flocked to them. He states early on he is narcissistic, and he is not joking. This book is like spending time with my ex-husband (except minus the intelligent conversations at least he was capable of having)- at first it is funny, in a "I can't believe he really would say that," then uncomfortable, leading to embarrassing, and finally you just can't stand reading another word of his "I, I, me, me, I am so wonderful, and everyone else is beneath me" narcissistic crap.

The best parts of the book are the stories of things that happen with his friends. The worst part are the sex stories with the girls: so, you are a d-bag who manages to sleep with a bunch of young girls with no self-esteem and blatantly don't even satisfy them? So impressive. We all knew guys like you when we were young, but they were better looking and grew up or else became the jerk drunk everyone avoids at the bar. He has some potential there as a funny guy and author, but it is lost in misogyny and narcissistic addiction to sex as a masturbation tool. And any girls who really seek this guy (and others like him) out? Gross- get some therapy and fix your issues.

I won't be passing this book on to any friends, because I don't want them thinking less of me for reading it, and I like my friends. I am going to use it to start a fire this Christmas weekend.
Profile Image for Brandy.
489 reviews3 followers
November 8, 2010
Wow, this book was hard for me to rate. If I rated it on how much I like Tucker Max as a person, he would get a big fat ZERO stars. However, if I'm honest, the book is hilarious, albeit disgusting, chauvinistic, and many more negative adjectives. Tucker obviously thinks much higher than he ever should, and gets big laughs out of making others feel like crap. On another note, who am I too look down on him too much when I am laughing out loud while reading some of his exploits?
To be honest, I think that what is most despicable are the women that continue to go to bed with him in hopes of either ending up in his book or perhaps changing the man. The stories that he tells about these women throwing themselves at him just make me want to cheer him on for some of it.
You can only kick him for so much of what he does, then just agree that some of these people do deserve his antics. I just hope that after being with Tucker Max, that it's a WAKE up call to some of them.
I was surprised to see a bit of a soft side in him when he spoke of the nurse that he cared about, and the way that he mentions settling down and leaving all his wild life behind him at some point for a family.
All I can say is that it is going to take ONE HELL of a woman to calm this wild, arrogant, over the top, often senseless man.
Overall,this is a HILARIOUS book. If you are a feminist, stay away from this book, or you might have a coronary. If you have a good eye/ear for the ridiculously hilarious, and can read this without looking too much into the context, then this one is for you!
Profile Image for Stewart Tame.
2,303 reviews89 followers
March 21, 2020
So Tucker Max is, among other things, a self-described asshole. He's been called worse, I'm sure, and he helpfully provides a great deal of evidence to support such a descriptor. As with his first book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, this is a collection of personal anecdotes, all of them involving drinking and/or sex in some way. I can't say that I condone the Tucker Max lifestyle as presented in this book, nor do I think he should be a role model or anything. But, man, this shit is entertaining. What redeems this book is the quality of the writing. Max may be an asshole, but he's a self-aware asshole with a real gift for telling a funny story. He's perfectly willing to tell stories that portray him in a bad light if they're entertaining enough. He also includes testimonials from others who were there. The question may arise: Just how true are these stories? I think, honestly, that it ultimately doesn't matter. They're highly entertaining. They're probably more true than most would think, but this isn't intended to be a police report or anything. I suspect that if I had tried to emulate these stories when I was the same age as Tucker was, my liver would have spontaneously combusted or something. Tucker Max is a professional asshole. Do not try any of these stunts at home.
70 reviews
February 16, 2011
Not as mortifying/horrifying as I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and therefore, not as enjoyable. However, I still let out audible gasps at parts and laughed out loud, so I'm not asking for those hours of my life back.

More of the "real" Tucker Max is exposed - he is no longer a one-dimensional, drunk, sex enthusiast. He writes about two relationships and how one day he wishes to get married and have kids. I found myself turned off by all this information. Part of the charm of IHTSBIH was his unapologetic attitude and swagger.

The purpose behind reading these books for me is pure entertainment value. His musings on self-awareness just interfere with my ability to truly enjoy the frivolousness of this book.
Profile Image for Huma Rashid.
838 reviews157 followers
July 20, 2011
Tucker Max is a very American author. And I mean that as a way to explain why he is so famous. (Despite the fact that I had never heard of him until I saw the trailer for his movie starring Logan from Gilmore Girls, and even then I had no idea who he was and never bothered to find out, until I saw "I Hope They Serve Beer In Heaven" on the floor in front of my friend Lily's bookshelf in the new apartment she was moving into in the UP, and had an aneurysm and read it.)

Tucker Max is pretty amusing. He's got some pretty funny references tucked away in his books, things that did make me chuckle, even though at no time did I actually laugh out loud at one of his anecdotes. (I discussed this in the review from IHTSBiH - it's because I've heard similar stories from my guy friends who are horn-dogs, although his stories are pretty much all of their best stories combined, so I HAVE to give him that.) Tucker Max is also pretty engaging as a writer.

But here's the thing. In America, we love sexy, we love stupid, and we love easy. And Tucker Max's books embody all of that. I don't believe that Tucker Max, the guy, embodies all that. But his books, a small sliver of his life set down in ink, do. He talks about sex, he talks about bodily fluids and secretions, he talks about beer (why does he drink crappy beer? If I ever met him, I'd beg him to try a Dogfish Head IPA, or something from Bells, or - OMG - anything from Three Floyds), he talks about stupid girls and midgets, he talks about his wolf-pack of buddies, and he posts random pictures.

And it's really, really easy.

Here, I'm not describing the girls. I mean that his writing is really, really easy. You don't have to engage at all with it. Reading a Tucker Max 'book' becomes a very passive activity. You sit and let your eyes move from word to word, line to line, page to page, never once stopping because something makes you think, because something stirs up your emotions, because something causes the neurons in your brain to fire up and move you. You read from start to finish, and when you're done, you've either reached your destination and can exit the aircraft, or you've successfully moved your bowels, or the mechanics have discovered that the reason your car tried to kill you is because the crafty chipmunks that live under your porch have been storing their winter sustenance in your air filter. Motherfuckers.

Reading a Tucker Max book is easy and passive and just kind of happens. The writing is engaging in the sense that you keep reading once you start because it's not an unpleasant activity to keep doing so, and entirely unengaging in the sense that you are not required to so much as rub two brain cells together in order to continue doing so.

I'm not trying to shit all over this book, or his other one. (Does he have more? Hasn't it gotten old? You can only kiss and tell so many times, I'd think, and besides, I have a hard time conceiving of something that he'd feel would top his 2x midget story in this book.) This book, as an expose on Tucker Max, actually had its redeeming moments.

He talks about wanting to get married and have children. I believe he's sincere about that. He talks about how he grew up as the son of a single mother, with an absentee father, an abusive grandmother, and how his parents yelled all.the.time. It explains a lot about why he is the way he is, and he seems to realize that.

The most redeeming moment, for me, personally, was when he said that the autobiography of Malcolm X (presumably the Haley one; Manning Marable's is too recent, even though I have to admit I never really paid attention to the timeline in this book EXCEPT when I thought I might know HotNurse because this one girl I knew moved out to LA - and was a nurse - around that time) was the most moving, influential, inspiring, amazing book he'd ever read.

I want to despise Tucker Max. I know I should. But I can't, mostly because he is incredibly honest about the kind of person he is. Even his constant refrain of "I AM TUCKER MAX I AM AWESOME!!!!" is laced with self-deprecation and insecurity. I think he's kind of pathetic, yes. I almost lost my eyeballs from rolling them so often while I was reading this book, yes. I would probably run in the opposite direction if I ever met him, not stopping until I was in a chemical bath, yes.

But I can't despise him. He comes off as a slightly sexually troubled, insecure, but nevertheless gutsy, loyal man who is really enjoying his new life as a writer, entertaining 'millions,' and screwing random hot girls. Good for him.

Also, every time he talked about his 'career as a writer' or the fact that he was now a 'writer,' I'd find a punctuation or spelling or grammar mistake, and I would chuckle. Because I am a BAD PERSON. Sigh.

Anyway, yes, read this book if you think it would amuse you. Don't expect to learn anything. Prepare yourself for incredible feelings of disgust (more so if you are a girl; the only reason I wasn't too disgusted, I think, is because I very much believe in the 'to each his own' attitude and couldn't be roused enough to condemn). This book is basically a blog printed on paper - it reads as such; that's what the quality of the work is. But you might enjoy it. You might not.

Why the HELL did I spend so long talking about Tucker Max? :| These are the questions, guys. These are the questions.
July 1, 2014
Hands down, this book is a blast. Of course it's not for everyone. You're either going to love it or absolutely hate it. If you're a feminist or some what of a feminist, run the opposite direction of this book, for it will probably and most likely offend you.

Now, I don't drink at all.. or party.. or sleep-around.. nor do I find these things enjoyable but Tucker Max is such a swell writer that his stories (all involving those three things) just sucked me right-in. His life-style and way-of-thinking is definitely entertaining and undeniabley hilarious. He manages to demoralize & humiliate nearly every woman he comes in contact with.

If you want to laugh & read something with crude humour.. this is definitely the book to read.
Profile Image for Peter Knox.
590 reviews72 followers
February 24, 2015
A far cry from the writing and stories that made him famous in the first place, there are only 2 really original laughoutloud stories, with the rest being either rehashed reprintings or lazy compilations of paragraph bad jokes or anecdotes without context. You can miss this one.
3 reviews
November 4, 2010
I enjoyed this. Though maybe not as funny as his first, I still laughed, and it kept me turning pages. I would recommend Tucker Max's first 2 books to anyone along with another fun book, Permanent Obscurity by Richard Perez.
Profile Image for Mike.
27 reviews12 followers
January 12, 2012
Tucker Max: the Homeric Hero.

I'm not too high-falutin' to admit it: I've been known to pick up an enjoy a Tucker Max book from time to time, and last night I finished his latest, Assholes Finish First. The short review: love him or hate him, the man knows how to tell a story, and he's got a knack for a turn of phrase (one of my favs from the book: he has sex with a thin woman and says it was "like falling into a pile of brooms"), and, as with any bar room flirt, there seems refreshing solidity to his personality. He's almost pure charm and I've got the best possible feeling one can have after a one night stand: I don't really regret staying up late to read the book, and while I don't mind it, a few hours of reflection have let me conclude that he's getting away with something.

I'd read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and was a bit on the fence about it: he struck me as a guy who could tell decent stories about his very efficient way to find women who will sleep with him: get very drunk, lose inhibitions/sense of propriety while maintaining some level of wit and--I guess--charm (not to mention the ability to speak coherently), and at least one woman will find you funny enough to take home, no matter how offensive you are. In IHTSBIH that meant a ALOT of stories about mercilessly teasing people in random parties. AFF was a bit easier on the way down, largely because, the title notwithstanding, he doesn't have to be an asshole to differentiate the women who will sleep with him from the women who won't--the former seek him out. He does manage to sound like he's able to respect and care about at least a few women, including someone who sleeps with him to research an article for a college newspaper and prints the story under her own name.

He still often sounds misogynistic and is remarkably drunk for the better part of most of the book. As for the former, I'd bet that "whore" is one of the most commonly used words in his book, and as for the latter, one of the longest sections in the book tells the story of him getting rip-roaring drunk while driving an RV in Harlem, narrowly avoiding death at the hands of a throng of locals, getting arrested and somehow avoiding jail time. He includes a disclaimer about drunk driving, but it's not exactly convincing.

Max tries to have it both ways elsewhere. He says that his stories started out as emails and were just meant to entertain, and while that may be true, it doesn't take long for his narcissism to border on the desire for others to pay attention to him as well. Take this quote from page 3, as he tells the story of hassling liberal arts grad students because they've chosen a path that won't make them as rich as the law students' will.


Here and elsewhere, Max thinks most people don't have any substance, and that, if nothing else, he is honest and, in a sense, real. He admits that most of his stories come from picking on these empty, weak people, which is either a sort of tough-love attempt to make them relax and do what they honestly want to do or just him choosing mild mannered people to harass and so aggrandize himself.

But this puts Max in a quandary. He acts as though he were somehow special and exempt from the rules that bind most of us, and by the way he tells it, it does seem that the fates smile on him. He's a one-in-a-million kind of guy, he embodies a certain philosophy and worldview, and he's able to do the things he does from a mix of luck and charm. In other words, a kind of hero.

But heroes also inspire the people who follow them. It is perfectly natural for people to look up to and emulate them, and that puts Max, the avowed independent spirit, in a tight spot. What happens when people without the imagination or will or the ability to live for themselves idolize someone who values imagination and will and the ability to live for himself?

In short, he was unnerved. So much so that he looks for an out, and punks out in the process:

"These stories should not make people worship me; they should make people laugh--with me, and sometimes, at me... and [nothing I've done] makes me a god--it just makes me a pretty normal guy."

Elsewhere he says he really just wants people to "celebrate life, drink for the enjoyment of it, and experience the happiness that comes from being around people you like" (nevermind that he spends so much time around women he professes to detest).

This is pretty weak sauce in the context, and I was pretty disappointed. He prides himself on a certain sort of integrity and honesty, and then crumbles on the weakest inspection. When he's drunk he spends a good deal of time proclaiming his own greatness, and when he's sober he writes up stories about his adventures--and if he's just a normal guy, why are we bothering to read his stories? He is trying to weasel his way out, and I don't like it.

It is unbelievably naive of him to be so astounded that people would want to follow his lead. He reduces it all to a lust for life so as to wash his hands of the matter. That way he won't have to feel guilty about selling books. But for all his carefree posturing, the fact that he bothers to address the issue indicates that it bothers him.

But that's not a bad thing. I gave him credit for being smart, and I'll go a step further and say that he seems to be taking that crucial, if miniscule step toward maturity. He's a bit more upfront about his family issues, and, while he still goes around calling many woman whores or sluts, but he refuses to trash talk an ex whom he did truly seem to care for.

Max is publishing two more volumes of his stories, and at that point I think his material will be exhausted. He's gotten to be a better writer and, seemingly, a bit wiser. He's had a good run as a racconteur of the prurient, and I am curious to see if he'll have anything left to say once his sex stories get old and boring. He claims that there are "deeper meanings behind the laughs;" I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to see what those are.
Profile Image for M.
239 reviews1 follower
August 28, 2013
This is the second book I read by Tucker Max. The guy is a a complete womanizing asshole who writes "funny" stories about what happens in his life, mostly about sex with random sluts. He's a jerk to everyone, he made a poor drunken college girl pay for a whole new bed for him when she accidentally peed in it (sorry buddy, I would have told you to fuck off and consider it a risk of bringing the drunk girl into your bed and to write it off as a business expense since he put it in the book later), speaking of business expenses, he writes off abortion bills for the sluts he accidentally knocks and then he puts it in his book and considers that a business expense too. I wonder how he actually gets any women at all, you would think he'd be at least hot, all the pictures of him in his book are not hot. He is a complete douchebag. I think that reading this book may be akin to having bad dirty drunken sex that you regret immediately afterward, and it seemed like it was a good idea at the time, but you feel unsatisfied, dirty and regretful afterward. I read this on my Kindle and now sorta feel like my Kindle is dirty too; it needs some time to pull itself together, and get over this. I'm giving it two stars instead of one because it had some entertainment value similar to watching a train wreck.
Profile Image for Mark Muckerman.
432 reviews25 followers
January 17, 2012
Sadly, where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell was a funny compliation of truly hysterical, and well told stories of the drunken misadventures of Tucker & Co, with humorous interludes detailing Tucker's "unique style of transient romance", Assholes Finish First is a disappointing follow up. Far less a compilation of sponteaneous antics and drunken shennanigans, AFF comes across as much more Tucker's narcisstic homage to the self, wrapped in tales of disposable conquests, which, from anyone else would be borderline misogynistic. If there is at all a palatable component to this work, it must be Tucker's attempt to wrap 300 pages of "me and my penis" stories in a cautionary tale with two morals: 1) don't ever believe your own hype; 2) wrap up your junk and be careful where you put it.

Entertaining? Mildly. Recommended? Not really, at least not worth the hardcover price. Still some humorous bits and worth keeping a paperback version on the back of the can, but overall it feels forced; an understandable challenge to repeat the piss in your pants hilarity of IHTSBIH.
August 1, 2018
This man is a dog.

I am honestly surprised the people police haven't dropped out of the sky and kicked his ass straight back to hell with the other demons and the other cardinal sins (I'm pretty sure he's lust).

This was not funny. Seriously. The first book was hilarious. He was a dog then but it was entertaining. It was a learning thing for me. Don't trust guys, to some degree they're all like him. This book was a fucking disaster. It was like he was trying to prove that he's a horrible fucking person, I got that the first book why did he need to drive that point home? It was distressing, it was disgusting, and none of these stories were funny. Or, at least, I didn't find them funny.

I will say that the writing is standard. Not horrendous, but nothing special either. It's a standard biography with not as many descriptions as there are expletives. I'm sure the stories are considered funny to teenage/college boys who desire to be just like him. I was going to give it two stars because I really didn't like these stories, but that's unfair so I'd say 2 1/2.
Profile Image for Rhett Reisman.
120 reviews5 followers
July 18, 2018
Honestly wasn’t expecting much from this book. I’ve heard from others that the later Tucker Max books don’t live up to the first.

Is Tucker an asshole that makes you feel really bad for some of these other people? Yes
Is the book mostly the same as the first? Yes
Is the book funny? If you have a certain sense of humor.

The first half of this book was repetitive if you’ve read his first book. The second half is a small change of pace and deals with how his life has changed since writing the first book.

There are three or four stories in this book that are really well written, and even if you hate the subject matter I think a fair person would concede that Tucker is really good at telling stories.

I don’t regret reading it, there are some laugh out loud moments and Tucker is a compelling narrator.

I’m going to read his other books, but taking a break for a while.
Profile Image for Rohit Raut.
44 reviews36 followers
November 8, 2010
If you've Read Tucker Max before, you know what to expect. If you haven't, Tucker Max is

- Violently offensive
- A complete tool
- Bowel-looseningly hilarious.

This book is like all of Tucker's writing. If you are a prude, you won't get through the first 20 pages. If you aren't, you still might not get through them. The contents might make you scream, shout, and repulse you completely.

But I'll be damned if this is just not completely hilarious.

To get a taste of what to expect, visit TuckerMax.com. If you are easily offended, do not read this book.

But if have a certain kind of sense of humor, you will be rolling on the floor and quoting the book for years to come.

189 reviews38 followers
January 20, 2011
Quite disappointing. The book is full of the author's stories about drinking too much and having so much sex he could have accounted for half the US population had he not been using contraceptives. Max is moronic, myopic and wouldn't know metaphysics if it went up his digestive tract and sat festering in his mouth for week. I actually read through quarter of the book before i started skimming. The stories are meant to be funny but barely hit the smile cracking point. All you are left with is an impression of almost complete animal decadence. That may be appealing if artfully packaged, but this book is as literary as a fluffy pink bunny rabbit is scary.
Profile Image for Jennifer.
939 reviews79 followers
May 19, 2014
The Good: Tucker Max has grown up. A little. Enough that he's sort of over constant random sex and debauchery. This is what makes Assholes Finish First readable. In his previous book, Max was a grating little boy enthralled with his own penis. At least in some of these stories, he's matured enough to realize the ridiculousness he perpetrates isn't always hilarious.

The Bad: Max is still a jerk. He continues to mock women, a large part of what made him famous in the first place. It's expected, but it's also sort of stupid. How many times can people read him ridiculing the naive and stupid? It's like he's stuck on repeat.
Profile Image for Lindsay.
44 reviews
December 21, 2011
I'll admit- the first book he wrote was pretty funny. Mostly because Tucker Max shocked readers with his blatant disregard for any type of human decency. I felt that this second book took things a little too far. Its one thing to be a moronic ass as a freshman in college far from the town and parents you grew up with, but to continue to act like that intro adulthood is obnoxious.

I was completely turned off by this book and the stories in it. I laughed once or twice, but mostly the stories were too extreme, exaggerated, mean, or poorly told for me to enjoy any of if.

I wouldn't suggest this book to readers- even if they enjoyed the first book.
Profile Image for Ashley.
2,647 reviews1,691 followers
December 9, 2010
I'm ashamed to admit that I read this thing in four hours flat in a bookstore, and did so while ignoring crippling, nausea-inducing hunger pains which forced me to consume large amounts of food afterwards in a very short amount of time and then pass out. Also, I feel dirty.

I refuse to rate this book, because I refuse to rate Tucker Max as a human being, but I couldn't put his stupid fucking book down. I feel ashamed and guilty. I should be punished.
23 reviews1 follower
April 20, 2011
You don't want to enjoy reading Tucker Max... His prose is amateurish, his stories seem far fetched, and his character is utterly deplorable. This is the second book by Max I've read, and I couldn't put it down. Laughed out loud half a dozen times in the first chapter. Assholes is also a more personal book than I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, with discussion of life as a D-list celebrity, and copping to "blind spots in my self-perception."
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