The Mother I Carry: A Memoir of Healing from Emotional Abuse

by Louise M. Wisechild

In The Mother I Carry, acclaimed author of The Obsidian Mirror, Louise M. Wisechild, again eloquently explores her childhood and her journey to heal, this time focusing on her relationship with her emotionally abusive mother. Wisechild moves between her present life and her childhood memories to uncover her own emotional development at different ages beginning with infancy. Using therapy, creative expression, inner voices and bodywork, Wisechild shares her journey of change and personal empowerment. An eloquent and moving book for those wanting to explore their relationship with their mothers and also for those who want to better understand child development, emotional abuse and healing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Psychology, Abuse, Autobiography, Biography

268 pages, Paperback

First published September 30, 1993

About the author

I wrote The Obsidian Mirror and The Mother I Carry over twenty-five years ago when incest was assumed to be rare and permanently disabling and all mothers were assumed to saints. I have seen that our survivor stories have made a difference. Every day we learn the magnitude of the abuse of girls and boys in churches, Boy Scouts, athletic teams....and most common but not reported, the abuse that occurs within the family. It is only through speaking out again and again that we will stop this.

Writing these books changed my life. The art of breaking taboos and finding my voice has at times shaken me to my bones in fear of the response ... and yet, nearly always, I have received another story about incest.

And for those who read The Obsidian Mirror, I did find that exotic tree with the beautiful flowers.

I continue to find my voice and am now focused on songwriting and releasing original music. I also offer creativity coaching, tarot consultations and Guatemala cultural tours. check out my website to see what I am up and to get in touch.

Reviews

[Karin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Louise writes a memoir about the emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother and how she was able to work thru some of the resulting problems in her life, especially in the relationship department.

The book starts off a bit confusing in that she does not chronicle her story in a story-like fashion. It is all about the interaction between parts of herself that she has named: Lulu, the child; Stunned, the abused, quiet, writer; Fuckit, the rebellious part; Sarah, her internal critic, and Memory, the one who remembers and shares the esperiences. She uses the example of going to different rooms in a house to share the different parts of her life.

Her story of growing up with a mother who cared more about what the neighbors and relatives thought, and who would sacrifice her daughter to make herself look good is an excellent read.

At the end she tells how sorting thru and dealing with all these memories has helped her in her adult life. She learned new ways of dealing with relationships and that it was acceptable to take care of herself, instead of everyone else.

The book also mentions her sexual abuse, not just the emotional abuse she received, but does not go into too much detail about healing from that. If you are not expecting it, it is a shock tho.

There are many books about dealing with child sexual or physical abuse, not so many dealing with what it's like to live with verbal slams and emotional battering. This one does a great job of that!

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This amazing book by a gifted writer discusses in poignant detail both the importance and difficulty of an adult in healing from childhood emotional and verbal abuse and in trying to navigate adult relationships with the people from an abusive childhood.

[Rhonda Rae Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can I express how amazing Wisechild is as an author and a person...she inspires me to continue writing my own memoirs.

I was deeply moved by The Obsidian Mirror and couldn't wait to read this sequel to her story. I'm very thankful for this portrait of healing from emotional abuse.

For so many years I denied abuses that were experienced within my own childhood home and had no idea how much my own parenting was affected by what happened during that time. Since my parents died, I also held to raising them up to be more than they were. This caused me to further pury my hurts and confusion over why I was messed up.

With Wisechild, I understood so many things that happened to me. I became encouraged because I could see healing is always possible if we are willing to face the skeletons in our closet.

The set-up of my marriage to a person that was like my mother is heartwrenching to me yet I can see where I messed up. I forgive myself for not standing up to my mother. Although I cannot speak with her now because she is deceased, I believe that through the process of writing my truth will continue to heal me.

This is important writing...our parents didn't share their stories...as children who grew up in the boomer generation, we have many similarities. So many commonalities within how our parents treated us and what this did to affect our own parenthood.

Read this...it will help you and quite possible save the next generation.

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is modeling for inner child work and what it can look like. This was a difficult concept for me to understand when I first started therapy. It just sounded crazy…talking to other parts of yourself…having a younger you that you encourage to speak and how that looks and sounds…it felt odd.

Sometimes I would get a bit lost between the different inner parts of Louise and other people. However, I think it shines a light on our responses as not always coming from a truthful place, rather a hurt part of ourselves from the past.

[Anne Bettina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really resonated with me. It hurt to see my own experiences mirrored in Wisechild's experiences, but it also made me feel less alone.

[Jasmin Chrzan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was more about the writer’s process to write the book than about than it was a memoir of healing.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!

I had a bit of difficulty rating this book; how do you 'rate' someone's life? I realized that perhaps I should aim to rate the 'writing about' that life, but it soon became apparent that the two, at least in this case, are so intertwined the one cannot be separated from the other.

I also had a difficult time reading this book. The reason for this is that so much of my childhood resembled so much of Wisechild's that I had to keep moving away and processing and coming back to read a bit more.

Overall, this is a solid book. Wisechild speaks her truth in a powerful way that rather than just accusing her mother and other people who supported her mother's abuse, and who abused her themselves, Wisechild looks at her own responses to the abuse. Never 'victim-blaming' Wisechild instead examines how different aspects of her own Self developed in her abusive home and family, as well as how those different aspects of Self have both served and harmed her over time.

A very solid book, I must now go away and do some more processing. I suspect that this is a book that will stay with me for a long time, leading to moments of processing as Wisechild's story connects (or fails to connect) with my own.