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320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999


For the first time my prayers were not for me but for everyone else, that all of those things in my notebooks, on all of those tapes, in all of those envelopes and bags in my room, that none of them were true, that the dead were alive and the lost were found, and that all of those lives could be lived anew.
‘A circus here, a circus there; here today, gone tomorrow.’
“If you want to know the artist, look at the art.” He was usually talking about Stanley Matthews or Don Bradman when he said it.
“Everything’s linked. Show me two things that aren’t connected.”
“Stoke City and the League fucking Championship,” laughed Gaz again, Mr Sport, lighting up another.
“Big match tomorrow, eh?” I said, part-time football fan.
“Be a right fucking shambles if it’s owt like last week.”
‘There was Elvis on the jukebox.
“Power’s like glue. It sticks men like us together, keeps everything in place.”
“You and Foster are…”
“We’re peas in a pod, me and him. We like to fuck and make a buck and we’re not right choosey how we do either. But he’s got too big for his fucking boots and now he’s cutting me out and it pisses me off.”
On the other side of the office, Gaz was taking bets on the Newcastle-Leeds game.’
‘The half-time scores were coming up under the horses: Leeds were losing at Newcastle.
Yesterday Once More on the jukebox, my money. Fuck The Carpenters, my eyes stinging from my own smoke.
The M1 southbound out of Leeds, seven o’clock busy, the rain beginning to sleet in my headlights. Always on My Mind on the radio. Flicking through the radio stations, avoiding the news.
Newstead View was a single line of terraces looking out onto dirty moorland. Ponies grazed between rusting tractors and piles of scrap metal. A pack of dogs chased a plastic shopping bag up and down the road. Somewhere babies were crying.
“You tell me you love me, tell me you care, and then you fuck me up the arse and write this shit.” She picked up the paper, opened it, and started to read: A Mother’s Plea by Edward Dunford. Mrs Paula Garland, sister of the Rugby League star Johnny Kelly, wept as she told of her life—’
‘Huddersfield were playing Everton. Town got a free kick on the edge of the Everton area. Vie Metcalfe steps up, bends the ball round the wall, Jimmy Glazzard heads it in. Goal. Referee disallows it, forget why, says take it again. Metcalfe steps up again, bends the ball round the wall, Glazzard heads it in. Goal, the whole crowd in fucking stitches.’
‘Fuhrer of a bunker of my own design, screaming, I’VE NEVER DONE BAD THINGS.
Tears soft and cock hard, screaming across six lanes of shit, I’VE NEVER DONE ONE SINGLE FUCKING GOOD THING.
Radio 2 suddenly silent, white motorway lines turning gold, men dressed in rags, men dressed in crowns, some men with wings, others without, braking hard to swerve around a crib of wood and straw.
Honey, I’m home.
Giving you all you ever wanted.’