Grand Theft Astro

by Scott Meyer

From the author of the “Magic 2.0” series comes an outer space caper where it’s the thief who’s having something stolen from her - her life.

It is the distant future, and Baird is a loner, a part time spy, and a notorious alleged thief. “Notorious” for the audacity of her crimes; “alleged” because nobody has ever been able to legally prove she committed any of them.

When the hush-hush agency known as the Toolbox recruits Baird, being a clandestine operative seems like a great way to get paid to do what she already does anyway. That is, until a mission goes wrong, and Baird is infected with a deadly virus. With only seven days to live, Baird has to complete a series of daring missions, each one designed to bring her closer to a cure.

Allegedly.

Baird suspects the Toolbox might not be telling her the whole truth. She's not sure what to believe or who to trust.

And the clock is ticking.

Genres: Science Fiction, Audiobook, Science Fiction Fantasy, Fiction, Fantasy, Space, Young Adult

340 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 29, 2021

About the author

Scott Meyer has been a radio DJ, a stand-up comic, a writer for video games, an office manager, and a pretend ghost bellhop.

He is the creator of the comic strip Basic Instructions, and has now written a novel.

He and his wife live in Florida, to be close to their cats.

Reviews

[Jacob Proffitt · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a huge fan of Scott Meyer's Basic Instructions comic. So when this book cropped up on Audible Originals, I snapped it up. Sadly, the shine rubbed off pretty early.

I liked Baird. She's capable and determined and has a lot of tricks up her sleeves. I particularly liked that the key to a lot of her "abilities" was exploiting early versions of technological advances before they locked down interfaces in future updates. So she's pretty much hacked her way into superpowers and adds a little materials science to make it interesting. That and thinking outside the box made her missions engaging.

Unfortunately, the frame story around those missions put me off enough that I'm just not interested in continuing. She's obviously being jerked around by her employer, The Toolbox, and I'm hating how dependent she is on them for, well, everything—but particularly for information. I might have gotten through that if there had been some other relationships to connect me better to Baird and her situation. But the relationship with her brother is the first casualty of her crisis and her handler was replaced just as I started to think that he might be an interesting ally. Worse, he was replaced by an obnoxious peacock who was as arrogant as she was self-serving. Taking orders from that sociopath made zero sense, even if they claimed she would die if she didn't follow along.

So I'm done. Scott's humor was present in small snippets, but wasn't enough to get me past that awful frame. I'm sorry I can't rate this higher. But I can't even justify an "it was okay", as much as I really, really want to.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty well done. 8 of 10 stars

[Luke Burrage · Rating 1 out of 5]

Scott Meyer is very funny! On his web comic! Unfortunately, even after 6 previous novels, his novel writing skills haven't progressed enough to even reach "adequate", despite this novel being sporadically amusing.



Full review on my podcast, SFBRP episode #464:

Luke and Juliane discuss a novel by one of Luke’s favourite web comic authors, Grand Theft Astro by Scott Meyer.

https://www.sfbrp.com/archives/1889


#bookstagram

[Dorn Permenter · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a humorous, neat and tidy little space caper.

[Hunter Ross · Rating 2 out of 5]

Uhm, cute, but mostly boring.

[CB · Rating 1 out of 5]

Having really enjoyed the entire Magic 2.0 series, I picked up this book automatically. It couldn’t be more different and unfortunately it didn’t work for me at all. I absolutely despised the main character. She was the worst sister imaginable, horribly full of herself and boring as hell to boot. The story didn’t really move along for me and I was pretty bored the entire time. Didn’t care about the ending because again the main character is a selfish a-hole. Definitely won’t continue if there is a follow up to this story.
Also I’m sad to say I didn’t enjoy the narrator either, nine hours of monotone assholish boring-ness….I really can’t believe I finished.

[Noah Rosenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its a book about a high tech sweater, sorry I gave away the plot. If you think it sounds interesting... cool, if not then yea I'd say maybe not. I read some of his other books, the Magic 2.0 series, or atleast the first couple, they were decent, worth the read/listen. This one, was ok. I have given the writer a few chances, not because his books are good, but because one day I think he will write a great book.

[James Brixey]

This is a hard book to rate.
It is not Les Miserables or Gillead.
It is a book for people who like science to turn their brains off to.
It is quite nice to relax to, just don't expect deep stuff.

If you want the book equivalent of watching 'free guy' staring Ryan Reynolds, this is a five star book.

If you are looking for deep philosophical takes on the world, you won't find it here.

[Jessica Tsuji · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really unimpressed. The story had a promising start with an ingenious female protagonist (only reason why it earned 2 ⭐️), but then it started to fall into a predictable pattern.

I also listened to this on Audible and the narrator was just… 😑. Her cadence was horrible. It felt like she could only read the story in two different patterns and between that and the predictable plot, I couldn’t wait for the book to be over (and not in a good way).

[Jeff Moreau · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've really enjoyed a lot of Scott Meyer's work, but this one just didn't do it for me as much. Several parts made me chuckle/smile, but there were a few too many holes/stretches.

[Kynan · Rating 2 out of 5]

TL;DR: If you're old enough: it's a female version of the Stainless Steel Rat. If you're not, classic Mary Sue in space.

TL: I really wanted something to listen to, not read with my eyeballs, and the title "Grand Theft Astro" really tickled my fancy so I ran with it.

The story is that of Brangelina Baird, cat burglar extraordinaire, so successful that not only has she never been caught, she's never even been charged with anything. Everyone's just positive that she's involved in some of the greatest heists of her time, but can't prove it. Baird is somewhat over the notoriety and is trialling working for The Toolbox, an "agency" of some sort that is interested in having someone with her skills onboard.

As the blurb says, something goes wrong on the trial mission and Baird ends up in a slapdash race, careening around the solar system on a mission to track down items that the Toolbox medics need (allegedly) to develop a cure for whatever it was she was infected by. The book progresses through a series of missions with several chapters devoted to each of the missions with a slowly cranking sense of desperation and drama - all held up by the omnipresent sarcasm and slapstick comedy.

This book was written as a bit of fun, a romp if you will. It's most definitely not to be taken seriously, it's not speculative fiction, it's the author having a bit of a jab at science fiction in general and, if you take it as that - it's OK. I've gone and rated this as 2-stars because it was OK, but I'm not going out of my way to follow it up, and this definitely didn't move Off to Be the Wizard up my To Read list at all.

It was kinda funny, but it really did feel a little like recycling the same kind of comedy-backed escapade, and in fact the same kind of character as Slippery Jim diGriz: Baird has very similar motivations with regard to what she'll steal, and from whom and she has an array of handy gadgets that assist her in the non-lethal and, frankly, unlikely conclusion of her business and, like Jim, she's a 100% gold-plated Mary Sue. There are some fun moments here and there, but all of the plot-twists are visible from a long way off and you just know that Baird's "Sue"per-powers are going to extricate her from whatever jam she ends up in.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as good as Scott's other books but still very well done. The red herring of who the bad guy was kind of petered out near the end but also the book ended very quickly, like I saw there were only 12 minutes left and thought "oh, well that's unfortunate".

Still, I loved the narration and it was very well done. The mystery or whatever was constantly changing from "the smartest gal in the room wins" to "the smartest gal in the room wins again" but it was always fun, like the best bits of the Ocean's series. Like, down to when you finally find out about the big score that keeps getting hinted at - allegedly - it's not what you think it is at all and it's a good payoff.

[Koen Crolla · Rating 3 out of 5]

The thing about deliberately aiming for camp in sci-fi or spy novels or sci-fi spy novels is that it's a difficult line to tread—it's a lot easier to hit bad than it is to hit so-bad-it's-good. Meyer does tread it successfully for a while, but somewhere along the way he accidentally renders the issue moot by just writing a Scott Meyer novel instead.
Not a bad thing, necessarily—if you tend to like his other novels, this one falls squarely in the middle in terms of quality.

[John Ready Reader One · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kept me engaged. Story jumped around a bit but it was good.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun audiobook!!

[Alain Dore]

I have enjoyed every Scott Meyer book I've read and this one was no exception. Good pacing, humorous, a thriller that's not so convoluted it's painful to follow. I hope there's a follow up!

[Jorid Sørli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very YA, but I enjoyed the story.

[ReadingSloph · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lighthearted, fun. Bit generic, slightly reptitive, and if you can't stand made-up swear words, then stay away. I thought it was alright, not amazing, but not terrible.

[Karen Fan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this better than I thought I would, even the trippy ending that I was not expecting.

[Aloha4Ever · Rating 2 out of 5]

More like a 2.5. This book is a discount sci-fi version of If Tomorrow Comes. It’s engaging enough, but I couldn’t warm towards any of the characters. Besides, the loner main character who is super successful and fiercely independent and shuns human contact is one of the most overused tropes in the genre.

[Charity · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am a diehard fan of Scott Meyer so it bugs me to leave a less than stellar review of this book. I'll keep it to bullets:

Plot - interesting sci-fi, if a bit silly and soft.

Characters - a few notable ones but no one stood out. This is certainly not The Authorities.

Humor - I don't know if Scott is depressed or if something was lost in the recording but this didn't make me laugh, even though it was clever. That's a tall order for most books but usually Meyer tickles me in a way that no author does. It feels like this book took itself too seriously and lost a lot of the absurd Meyer charm. This is no Master of Formalities.

Pacing - This is a short book and I'm not reading anything more exciting right now and it still took me ages to finish. I just kept putting it down and forgetting it existed until I went back into the Audible App. I actually had to restart the book six or seven times before I could get past the first, very confusing chapter. Again, maybe this is the case of it being better on the page than heard but it was a lot of technical and confusing dialogue, especially considering I go into new books from my list of beloved authors (on which I have maybe four -- Stephen King, Scott Meyer and few others) with zero summary reading or spoilers, so all I had was the cover art and title to go on. It was really confusing and hard to ground oneself in the world.


THAT SAID, the ending was excellent. I might have seen the twist coming had I been more actively engaged (I checked out mentally with 3.5 hours left and only finished out of some weird sense of duty/loyalty as a fan) but it still woke me up and the landing of the final chapter begs for a sequel. I will be buying it if he does write one.


Overall, this would have been an excellent prequel to an established series but as a standalone, a lacy patchwork by way of plot and character. Still a Meyer fan, still always preordering, so this didn't soil my devotion too much.

[Bree Hatfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a Magic 2.0 fanatic, I’ve read Off to be the Wizard over a dozen times and every other book in the series at least three. I’ve yet to read any of Scott Meyer’s other books in fear of them not being as good, but I decided to give them a shot, starting with this one. And it was pretty good! Not as good as Off to be the Wizard, but likely on par with Spell or High Water or The Vexed Generation.

Meyer really knows how to start a novel. The first chapter made me intrigued in the world, had some fantastic characterization for our main character, and started the plot out with a bang. It was easy to follow and made me hooked immediately. It was also very funny, and it was exactly the type of quick humor one would expect from Meyer.

The plot structure is where it really falls apart, though. Meyer has never been very good at writing action (be it a battle, a stage magician’s routine, or a heist), but he also isn’t very good at descriptive writing. He writes events exactly how they occur with no pizazz or charm, and with very little authorial voice. This is less of a problem in a comedic book like Off to be the Wizard (though it does have this issue at times), but becomes a much more glaring issue in a sprawling sci-fi world that needs a lot of description. He’s very good at writing dialogue, including internal dialogue, though. There’s enough of that in this book to make it readable, but I did find myself dozing quite often when there were long portions of no dialogue.

And because Meyer isn’t very good at descriptive writing, the book feels extremely stilted. The majority of the book is boring prose which is interspersed with interesting and exciting dialogue, and the plot is formulaic. Baird does a mission, goes into stasis, her handler wakes her up, and she goes on another mission. Oftentimes we aren’t even told why she’s doing this. We aren’t told because she isn’t told, of course, which makes sense when we get to the end, but it makes for tedious storytelling. The through-line of her trying to figure out her illness with Izzy and the clone plot is really good, though, and the little interactions she has throughout her missions are fantastic, as always.

On the topic of the main character, Baird is okay. She’s a fun character to follow throughout the novel, but she’s very static. She’s reserved and anti-social, yet witty. It’s a decent enough character trait, but it isn’t the most interesting. She does end up growing, though; she learns that she can lean on people (or, Izzy at least), even if she’s reluctant to. The growth is minimal, but it’s clearly there and it makes sense. I wish there was a little more to her, but she wasn’t unbearable.

And speaking of the ending, it’s fantastic. I love that the ultimate villain was the original Izzy who was hardened by his time in the field and the perceived betrayal by Baird. I love that he adopted the mindset that he thought Baird had, and it made him cruel. She didn’t have that mindset, of course, but the damage was still done, as he said, and she has to grapple with that. It makes Baird confront her feelings and actions in a way she’s never had to before, and the story is strengthened because of that. She doesn’t change her whole worldview immediately, but we see a clear intent to try and do better. Endings can make or break a novel for me, and this one was truly amazing.

One minor thing I want to talk about is the politics of this book, because it’s so fascinating. Whenever Meyer writes about politics (The Vexed Generation, I’m looking at you), it’s always a little weird. His takes are ultimately harmless and oftentimes not unique, but they’re always presented in a unique fashion. And this book is no exception. Sharif Calhoun threatens, through the use of commercials, to put petty criminals in cruel and unusual jails so they’ll stop committing low-level crimes, but the commercials are simply bluffs, and he actually treats the inmates well. He does this to reduce poor-on-poor crime. He argues that if a poor person steals from another poor person, the victim may not be able to pay rent or get to work, so they’ll be evicted and fired. Then, to survive, they will have to steal from other poor people. To mitigate this, he wants to encourage high-class, business-like crime where the victim doesn’t lose anything they can’t live without, and nobody gets hurt in the process. This is interesting because it doesn’t actually solve the problem — judging by Baird’s initial reaction and the fact that we are told it works when Baird meets him many years later under friendly terms, Meyer seems to want the reader to think that it does, but all it really does is side-step the issue. How will discouraging poor-on-poor crime prevent it if the systemic problems are still in place? Poor people still don’t have any money, and there will still be desperate poor people — so the cycle hasn’t changed! The sentiment seems to be that Calhoun wants to help poor people (and this idea is corroborated throughout the novel through jabs at rich people), but it doesn’t succeed.

I did love the minor gay subplot with Calhoun and his crime lord boyfriend. That was a slay.

Overall, it was a pretty good novel! If you like Magic 2.0, it’s worth giving it a shot. If you haven’t read Magic 2.0, go read that first.

[Jennvw · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have been a big fan of other Scott Meyer books but didn't finish this one. About halfway through I still didn't care if she lived or died so I stopped listening. Less character development and story then his other books, just didn't do it for me.

[Lyne · Rating 3 out of 5]

After Jeff Bezos & crew going into space a couple weeks ago
this a fun Listen on Audible, imagining what the future may bring.

[Tejas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carmen San Diego in action, allegedly!

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like it, but it didn't work for me.

[M.W. Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I only listened to 55% of the book. At this point, I'm calling it.

Grand Theft Astro by Scott Meyer receives three stars from me. It should also be noted--I'm not the target audience, so I feel my opinion carries less weight. Maybe those in the target or professionals with the target audience would be better.

The reader was Elizabeth Evans, and I found her reading to be solid. The tone that she had for the main character was annoying and conceited. I felt this fit the character perfectly. I

What I liked: there is adventure, there is mystery. These are all fine. However,
What I didn't like: Basically, the plot moves over several years but what seems like days to the main character. She's put in status. She's awakened when a job needs doing, which to her seems like the next day. She does the job, but doesn't work on as much her own issue, her own problem that has lead to the situation of being put in status. I feel that this is a flow in the narrative. Maybe, as the book progresses, this will happen, but at 55% of the book this should have already started.

The jobs she does all seem insurmountable, but she does them with ease. Maybe this is due to the target reader, but for me, I would have like to have had more difficulty in these tasks.

For me, this is like a bit of a TV show, where each Job is a new episode of the show, and the real problem is sort of ignored or barely mention. I felt that there was no character development either (which is kind of understandable in a real sense because each job is the next day to her, so how could she develop or change.) I'd like her to open up more, find someone to keep in her confidence, seek help to resolve her issues.

Recommended: if you are an adult who reads juvinile lit, and reads it from the perspective of an adult, this might not be for you. And maybe, we adults who try to read this way shouldn't read these books. I do try to read thinking of the target audience, but maybe I need to work not this more.

If you are an adult who reads from the perspective of the young folks---this might be a good read for you.

For the target audience, yeah, I think it might be good.

[Caleb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm probably being generous at 3 stars for this one. It's not a stellar read by any means. The premise of dying of a virus in a week, extended by time in stasis, sounds a bit interesting, but the execution leaves a fair bit to be desired. This could have been an interesting bit of intrigue and mystery if it had more depth and variety of story in it, but it really got stagnant and repetitive by the end. Predictable at times too.

The big problem is mostly that basically every heist feels the same. I mean, it's a different item in a different place, but the solutions are so similar it's kinda sad by the 4th time around. Add in that her magic techno suit thing is stupidly overpowered and this just doesn't engage as well as it should at times.

I should probably also note that the twists are mostly obvious a mile ahead of time. I like to guess at times with books like this, but I'm never right as often as I was here, which was most of the time. It honestly surprised me at first, but then I started to realize that they just weren't great twists. The big reveal at the end was especially obvious well ahead of time. I was honestly sure I would be wrong, but nope, I nailed it.

Ah well, I can't say it was all bad though. The initial setup and first job were pretty good, and there were a few little moments later on as well. Some of the characters were fun as well. The voice actor narrating this was also great. One of the better female voices I've heard in an audiobook if I'm being honest. I also loved some of the language things like the variation on the F-Bomb or the ALL CAPS thing. That was especially clever.

But yeah, it's not great. Not horrible either, but certainly the kind of mindless read that I'll probably forget I even read before too long. It's just not clever enough to be noteworthy and only excels in little details that won't be selling points for most people.

[Shawn Conroy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun book that is clearly well planned out, but suffers from writing that just doesn't rise to the occasion, and a failure of giving proper context. The first quarter seems to work extra hard to develop the characters, but it's done in a heavy-handed way that feels forced. It's clear that the main character is brilliant and has developed a special secret material. But it's depicted as being way to advanced relative to the settings.

It must have advanced expert systems (pre-AI) problem-solving, and sophisticated control system, and be made of material barely understood by the science of the day. But we have no indication that similar expert systems exist, similar control systems that you can slap on to DIY robots that she appropriated, or how something no one has heard of was manufactured at the nano level. The fact none of these components were showed separately implies she invented and programmed and built all the parts, which strains credulity.

I loved Scott Meyer's Magic 2.0 series and Master of Formalities. They were fun and funny. He has tried to have less absurd books like Run Program and The Authorities™ that are still fun, though I wish for the more out there comedy rather than grounded comedy. Still, I enjoy them. And I enjoyed this book.

[Johnny Bennett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Scott Meyer, known for his Magic 2.0 series, brings his signature humor and accessible storytelling to Grand Theft Astro, a lighthearted space adventure with a heist twist. Set in the distant future, the novel follows Baird, a notorious—yet legally unproven—master thief who is recruited by a secretive agency known as the Toolbox. When a mission goes wrong and she’s infected with a deadly virus, Baird has just seven days to complete a series of increasingly daring assignments that may—or may not—lead to her cure.

Meyer’s writing maintains the droll, tongue-in-cheek tone his readers expect, though it leans slightly more subdued here compared to his earlier works. Baird’s reputation as an “alleged” thief leads to several clever and amusing moments, and the colorful cast she encounters along the way adds vibrancy to the story. The plot is structured with distinct breaks, making it easy to read in segments without losing momentum.

While light and entertaining, Grand Theft Astro still weaves in elements of hard science fiction, reminiscent of The Martian, though it approaches the genre with far less gravitas. Readers seeking heavy drama or gritty realism will not find it here, but those who appreciate sharp wit, creative worldbuilding, and breezy caper adventures will feel right at home.

The novel is clean, free of objectionable content, and suitable for both teen and adult audiences. Although the story wraps up neatly, leaving limited room for a sequel, the universe Meyer has created is engaging enough that readers might hope for a return.

Recommended for fans of Scott Meyer, non-gritty science fiction, and anyone who enjoys a smart, comedic take on space heist adventures. A sense of humor is definitely required.