Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness

by Rick Hanson, Forrest Hanson

These days it’s hard to count on the world outside. So it’s vital to grow strengths inside like grit, gratitude, and compassion—the key to resilience, and to lasting well-being in a changing world.  True resilience is much more than enduring terrible conditions. We need resilience every day to raise a family, work at a job, cope with stress, deal with health problems, navigate issues with others, heal from old pain, and simply keep on going.  With his trademark blend of neuroscience, mindfulness, and positive psychology, New York Times bestselling author Dr. Rick Hanson shows you how to develop twelve vital inner strengths hardwired into your own nervous system. Then no matter what life throws at you, you’ll be able to feel less stressed, pursue opportunities with confidence, and stay calm and centered in the face of adversity.  This practical guide is full of concrete suggestions, experiential practices, personal examples, and insights into the brain. It includes effective ways to interact with others and to repair and deepen important relationships. Warm, encouraging, and down-to-earth, Dr. Hanson’s step-by-step approach is grounded in the science of positive neuroplasticity. He explains how to overcome the brain’s negativity bias, release painful thoughts and feelings, and replace them with self-compassion, self-worth, joy, and inner peace.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Health, Mental Health, Audiobook

269 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2018

About the author

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and New York Times best-selling author. His seven books have been published in 33 languages and include Making Great Relationships, Neurodharma, Resilient, Hardwiring Happiness, Just One Thing, Buddha’s Brain, and Mother Nurture – with over a million copies in English alone. He's the founder of the Global Compassion Coalition and the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, as well as the co-host of the Being Well podcast – which has been downloaded 23 million times. His free newsletters have 260,000 subscribers, and his online programs have scholarships available for those with financial needs. He’s lectured at NASA, Google, Oxford, and Harvard. An expert on positive neuroplasticity, his work has been featured on CBS, NPR, the BBC, and other major media. He began meditating in 1974 and has taught in meditation centers worldwide. He and his wife live in northern California and have two adult children. He loves the wilderness and taking a break from emails.

Reviews

[Tara Brabazon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dear. Oh Dear.

I'm starting to avoid books with 'happiness' in the title...

We have the 'fully hippy' journey here. Resilience. Mindfulness. Self love. Self forgiveness.

What is remarkable about such books is the complete disconnection from context. People are not unhappy because of a lack of self love. They are unhappy because of a diabolical workplace, complex family structures and an unstable economy. Resilience is not created through individual choices.

Resilience is created by transforming organizational cultures to remove the culture of self blame for wider social injustices.

This book is basic, sad and - yes - worrying.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an insightful and inspiring book to read during the pandemic. It was recommend by a colleague who was using it in a seminar on resilience. I was pleasantly surprised by the breadth of subjects that Rick Hanson covers in a relatively short book. He focuses on practical suggestions and coping strategies, and I found a lot to appreciate.

Some of the topics I found especially meaningful were on body acceptance, dealing with feelings of failure, parental relationships, and anger. I listened to this on audio, but there were so many good examples that I got a print copy to mark some quotes. Recommend for readers who like books on personal growth.

Personal Note: In the chapter on Mindfulness, Hanson talked about the importance of finding a refuge, "anything that protects, nurtures, or uplifts you." He mentions how places can be refuges, such as a favorite coffee shop, church, library or a park. With that mention of library, I flashed back to my childhood and remembered how much I had loved spending time at the public library. During the summer I would go there for hours — I remember once checking out so many books that I maxed out my limit. In junior high I noticed that a girl who was a grade above me got a part-time job there, and I was sooooooooo envious. That may have been the first time I thought, "I want to work in a library when I grow up." And here I am, several decades later, working in a lovely little library and hopefully creating a welcoming refuge for others.

Meaningful Passages
"The fear of failure is worsened if you grew up with a lot of criticism, even if there was also a lot of love. It's also worsened if you are part of a company — or more broadly, an economy — that's incentivized to keep people on the proverbial hamster wheel, with real success always slightly out of reach ... Consequently, try to notice some of the many goals you accomplish daily. Be mindful of succeeding at small outcomes ... Even in a very difficult life, it's possible to feel successful in many ways. The more that you feel defeated about some things, the more important it is to recognize your victories in many other things."

"To have more acceptance of your body, start by bringing to mind some people you like and respect. How much does the way they look matter to you? Probably very little."

"Anger is a messenger. What is it telling you about your deeper frustrations?"

"Beware the rewards the come with anger... the surge of righteous indignation and energy that comes with anger can feel stimulating, organizing and even pleasurable. Anger is also an effective way to hide hurt and vulnerability, assert status or dominance, push away fear, and compensate for feeling small or weak."

"What's the most important minute in life? I think it's the next one. There is nothing we can do about the past, and we have limited influence over the hours and days to come. But the next minute — minute after minute after minute — is always full of possibility. Are there opportunities to be on your own side, bring caring to your pain, accept yourself, and enjoy what you can? Is there something you could heal, something you could learn?"

[Barbara (The Bibliophage) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ll admit to a fascination with the concept of resilience, so I grabbed up the Advance Reader’s Copy (ARC) of the latest book from Rick Hanson, Ph.D. The full title is long and descriptive: Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. But don’t let this scare you away.

Hanson takes a complex concept, adds layers, and then deconstructs everything so it’s easy to grasp.
Resilient is broken down into four parts, each with three chapters. There’s something about the symmetry of this that makes reading it (or listening to, as I did) go smoothly. And I think that’s part of Hanson’s plan. For me, each part or chapter was like another stone in a gently-balanced cairn.

In addition, he takes three approaches and combines them. The first is his background as a psychologist. Much of this book contains things I’ve heard from therapists over the years. But Hanson takes this perspective and adds layers, making the ideas seem fresh and unique. The second approach is that of Buddhism. Hanson incorporates this softly, with quotes and stories. If Eastern philosophy’s not your thing, I’m guessing you won’t feel forced to agree.

Thirdly, Hanson adds the layer of neuroplasticity, which is the idea that the brain can remake its well-worn behavior pathways with some assistance. Neuroplasticity is an intense scientific concept, but Hanson gives the reader bite size pieces. That helps make it digestible, as does the fact he uses many examples and jargon-free language to explain the ideas.

My conclusions:
I am deeply appreciative of self-help authors who create “Key Concept” sections throughout their book. These are the places I highlight (yes, I had an ebook copy of this as well). When I come back to this book in a few months, it’ll make finding what I want so much easier.

Two of my favorite “key concepts” included the ideas of disentangled and full pardon forgiveness. This is a perfect example of how Hanson imparts his ideas. Contained in the fourth part, titled Relating, and in the chapter on Generosity, he’s found a perfect spot for the ideas. If they’d been introduced earlier on, I might not have been ready—just as it feels with real-life forgiveness. And Hanson doesn’t force his readers to forgive in full pardon, recognizing it’s just not always possible. Instead, he offers a mid-way point with disentangled forgiveness. Thus, the participant in resilience is able to benefit from the information, while still being on the path of growth.

I recommend this book to seekers, and also to those looking for a way to incorporate techniques to build neuroplasticity into everyday life. It’s well worth your time!

Acknowledgements:
Many thanks to NetGalley, the authors, and Crown Publishing / Harmony for the digital ARC in exchange for this honest review.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Out March 27th- THIS is the book we need! The current discussion surrounding trauma and adverse childhood experiences focuses on teachers recognizing trauma and responding appropriately to create a safe space for children. Teachers discussing trauma sometimes morph the correlation between trauma and negative behavioral/health outcomes into statements of causation. For a number of reasons, I find this exasperating! In addition, the approaches discussed always seemed too reactive instead of proactive. Simply recognizing trauma is not enough; our kids deserve more!

We know countless kids today have high ACE scores. How can we create resilient children who will grow into successful adults? How can we help them pursue their goals in the face of challenges? How can we help them avoid some of the negative impacts of trauma? What is in our circle of control as teachers?

Dr. Hanson outlines 12 areas of focus within the realms of safety, satisfaction, and connection. Each of these realms moves from recognizing, resourcing, regulating, and (the highest level) relating. Each of these areas is a chapter and provides a more action oriented look at building resilience in ourselves and/or the children we work with.

1. Compassion
2. Mindfulness
3. Learning
4. Grit
5. Gratitude
6. Confidence
7. Calm
8. Motivation
9. Intimacy
10. Courage
11. Aspiration
12. Generosity

"True resilience fosters well-being, an underlying sense of happiness, love, and peace."

[Bon Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes I like to believe I'm over self-help books, but I have to reward this with five stars, for several reasons. First of all, there's amazing amount of self-revealing from the author, which is a bravery of special kind that I admire. And second, I didn't notice any arbitrary psycho babble typical of these kinds of books. Here, everything seems to be grounded in science. There are also lots of practical exercises, and there's zero doubt in my mind that if you seriously apply yourself to practice all the techniques, you can make significant positive change in your life.

[Cav · Rating 2 out of 5]

"There’s a fundamental idea in psychology and medicine that the path your life takes depends on just three causes: how you manage your challenges, protect your vulnerabilities, and increase your resources..."

I went into Resilient with high hopes, but ultimately became frustrated with the writing. More below.

Author Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is a psychologist, Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and New York Times best-selling author.

Rick Hanson :


Hanson opens the writing with a good intro, which unfortunately proved to be the high water mark of the book. The meat and potatoes of the book come from the ancient philosophies of Buddhism and Stoicism. Some modern neuroscience is also covered.

The author drops the quote above near the start of the book, and it continues:

"...These causes are located in three places: your world, your body, and your mind.
When you combine the causes and the places, there are nine ways to make your life better.
All of these are important, but growing resources in the mind has a unique power. It offers the greatest opportunity, since you usually have more influence over your mind than over your body or world. It also offers the greatest impact, since you take your mind with you wherever you go.
You can’t always count on the world, other people, or even your own body. But you can count on durable inner strengths hardwired into your nervous system—and this book is about growing them."

Unfortunately, many of these self-help books can be hit or miss, in my experience, and this one was a "miss." The book features many guided meditations. These guided meditations went on for quite a long time, and were simplistic and repetitive. Just when I thought he was going to move on, he dropped another one. There were way too many of these, and they all went on for too long. This was somewhat innocuous at first, and then progressively got extremely irritating as the book went on.

Also, during these guided meditations, the author talks to the reader almost like they were a small child. As well, the bulk of the advice here could only accurately be considered common sense and garden variety. It became too much. They were all something along the lines of: "...Think about the other person. Know that they have pain. Think about this pain. Acknowledge their pain. Realize that they are compassionate beings. Blah blah blah..." This kind of writing just doesn't resonate with me. Sorry.

********************

I would not recommend this one. Remind me to take a pass from anything else this author produces.
1.5 stars.

[Irene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rick Hanson provided a very good summary/background on mental and emotional resilience, much of which I was already familiar with, but it was still an excellent review for me.

To paraphrase, one of my favorite sections was where he talks about the formation of our neural pathways, i.e., our habitual thinking. We can think of thoughts as forming grooves in our brain, and that the more we think in a certain way, the deeper those grooves become and thus become more easily activated.

So if we tend to think negatively and focus on the bad, this forms our habitual thoughts, and we will tend to fall back into thinking negatively. (He urges people to try to be self-aware of these and override such negative thought patterns by thinking of the positives as well, though he (almost contradictorily) states that we need to view the world as a mosaic with all the good and bad in order to form a realistic assessment, i.e., not weighted too much in the positives or the negatives)

Because Hanson speaks generally, he sometimes almost sounds contradictory (e.g., think more positively, but not too positively!), and doesn't delineate the lines very well (however, I think he was trying to avoid encouraging the blind application of his advice to every scenario).

Additionally, quite a bit of his advice seems to be easier-said-than-done, or too broad to be of much use (though to be fair, I wasn't reading the book for guidance in life, but rather reading for the theory, so I just skimmed through his advice sections).

However, overall it was a good read, and would recommend at least for those interested in understanding resilience.

[Do_81 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not an easy read with lots of weird unhelpful metaphors like "tiles flashing red in the mosaic of life". This book could have benefited from a stern editor. The exercises in the book are not always clearly separated from the text, and they lean heavily on the HEAL principle, which has a lot to do with thinking and feeling mindfully, and letting that thinking and feeling get ingrained into your psyche. Which is A: hard to do, and B: cannot be measured.
The final chapter deals with forgiveness, this is very hard for a lot of people and I do not think the writer acknowledges this. In his example he forgives an elderly neighbor who's tree fell on his fence. Hardly the worst someone could do to another.
All in all not the most practical or inspiring book.

[Stacy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Despite being near the end, I put it down and gave up. I suspect I picked this book up because it mentions attachment theory, which I am a student of. However, this is the DUMBEST book on resilience I have read so far. It's full of pithy step programs and quips that amount to "simply snap out of your bad thoughts and reprogram your brain!" ...Maybe it helped someone, but I feel like I'm on a completely different playing field that doesn't relate to this material at all.

I suspect my playing field is in good company, populated by people who don't give a sh!t if they relate to others because they are tired of trying and are most content when they go their own way, perhaps with a higher IQ than average. If that's you, I humbly suggest picking up an Ayn Rand book (Anthem might be a good place to start). Her works have helped me see that perhaps resilience itself is not my problem; forfeiting independent thought and going with the flow of the idiot masses is not resiliency, it's stupidity. Resiliency is being true to yourself and your ideals/principles; and it's much harder than any silly acronyms or gimmicky analogies can provide.

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few gems, but I had the unshakable feeling I'd read this book before; however, seeing as it's new, I clearly haven't, so. I felt a lot of stuff was repeated. The visualization exercises were just the same thing over and over, too repetitive for me, especially if you read the book straight through like I did. But more importantly, the visualization exercises were just not believably helpful and not something I felt like would actually help. I still enjoyed the breakdown of tools to help build a stronger core. It was a quick read, though. I appreciated the reminders about neuroplasticity- that's a pretty incredible thing.

[Kiera Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book essentially discusses 12 different ‘tools’ which help activate an inner strength and enhance an inner resilience of character. There were many gems of wisdom in this book and I found that it consolidated a lot of my previous self-development work. This also came at a very timely period in my own personal life and I drew a lot of perspective (and thus, healing) from the exploration of developing resilience and personal mental strength with regards to external situations and ‘uncontrollable’ outside forces. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in self-development and personal growth texts. It was both simple and easily accessible whilst simultaneously wise and mentally invigorating.

[Leigh Witzling · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in bite-sized pieces over the course of several months and enjoyed it a lot. It was nice as a reminder for some clearly defined self-care practices and gave me language to use with my clients around resilience in everyday life. The author states clearly at the beginning of the book that it is about everyday resilience rather than trauma and major hardship, but I think more could have been done to address daily multicultural issues (i.e. microagressions). I would haves liked to see some examples of how to utilize the techniques outlined here with these types of instances.

[Sophie Rayton · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book, but on the whole, for me, unmemorable.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed Hanson’s book Buddha’s Brain. While Resilient has a lot of great information, it was a bit of a slog to get through.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The "book blurb" says this book will help you "develop 12 inner strengths for being resilient no matter what life throws at you." That's a pretty tall order, but I must say I think Rick Hanson delivers.

Hanson presents scientific and practical information in an easy to understand, personable way. According to psychology, there are three basic needs for humans to have a fulfilled life: safety, satisfaction, and connection. Within each of these three arenas, we grow as we move from recognizing (compassion, mindfulness & learning) to resourcing ourselves (grit, gratitude & confidence) to regulating our thoughts, feelings and actions (calm, motivation, intimacy) to relating (courage, aspiration & generosity).

A chapter is devoted to each of the 12 tools (topics in parentheses above), and there are exercises to help you personally relate and apply the tool. The book is written in such a way that you can read the book straight through, or jump from chapter to chapter according to your interest or need.

As I imagine most people would, I found that I was already using some of the tools, but was falling short in others (i.e. how best to handle the situation when people are getting on my last, fraying nerve). Hanson's practical advice makes you feel this is "doable" and helps get you back on track.

Each of the rules is but one part of the larger picture; all of them together give us what we need to be more calm, resourceful, focused and resilient in any situation.

I give this book 4 stars.

Many thanks to NetGalley & Crown Publishing for allowing me to read an e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed here are strictly my own.

[Catie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Imagine that your mind is a garden. You can tend to it in three ways: observe it, pull weeds, and plant flowers."

"There's a proverb that says: Getting angry at others is like throwing hot coals with bare hands - both people get burned."

"No one succeeds in a big way without sometimes failing in a big way. If you fail, you'll be in good company."

"We can tend to the causes but can't control the results. All we can do is make the offering."

"the best predictor of the future is usually the past."

"Whatever they did is not negated or excused by their pain and loss and stress, but compassion for the load they carry makes it easier to forgive the load they put on you."

[Ella Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jam-packed with therapy related goodness. Because I read this for book club, I don’t think I gave it the time and attention it deserved! I’d love to revisit the exercises throughout the book and eventually reread the whole thing.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Accessible, science based, step by step guide to raising your resilience.
I use the learnings from this regularly with clients and in my day job.
Highly recommended

[Lisa Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll read anything Rick Hanson writes; but this one is particularly good, especially for this moment in time!

[Nina]

Much value in this book

[Esonja · Rating 4 out of 5]

This felt intuitive, enjoyed it a lot and bought a copy for rereading.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like the content. The research behind it is fantastic and I believe in the concepts themselves. Many components are verified by other sources too. So I have high confidence in the contents. This will help a set of people that want to learn about themselves and better ways of coping with losses of many kinds. The techniques require strength and facing problems head on, with appropriate focus on your advantages and abilities, etc. Many will learn far more about self-appreciation. Many will do it, in part, because of the style.

The criticism I have is ONLY about preference of presentation style and NOT the concepts and direct content. It is also style that WILL reach many people, so is legitimate, even though it's not the best for me. I don't want to take away from the VALUE represented. Having said that, the presentation here will turn off many. I can deal with it and I appreciated the book as it is, but I really believe many won't because of what seemed like exaggerated softness and using anthropomorphisms (e.g. when referring to body limbs). Again, many will be helped by that exact style, and may even need it. So it's good that this is available.

That could lead you to think the book is all soft without facing reality. That's not true. The author clearly is good at directly facing problems, and showing how to avoid giving the big problems the weight / emphasis that they often get, especially from someone who's feeling down. He prescribes directly thinking about tough problems, but not dwelling on them, and simultaneously looking at the good. THE CONCEPT is GREAT! It can require high strength, especially for severe losses/contexts. I just had to use mindful techniques to work around the very "gushing sensitivity" feel to me, and focus on the excellent content.

[May · Rating 5 out of 5]

I definitely recommend this book. Everyone goes through the tough times. Life has it's ups and downs. We have to be resilient. We have to learn how to recover from difficult situations. We might end up dealing with difficult individuals as well. There are times when you have to realize when to let go of the person or relationship. You might get hurt or abused by the person. No one should be mistreated or disrespected. You have to realize when it is a lost cause and that you have to protect yourself. Life is definitely too short to be miserable. We have to heal ourselves from the past pain that we experienced. And be strong and start moving on. We have to stay calm and centered in the face of adversity. We have to be kind and compassionate to ourselves. As well as be kind and compassionate towards others. We also have to be grateful for the things that we already have. And as a result of all of this, we can have self-compassion, self-worth, joy, and inner peace.

[Leann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have really enjoyed Rick Hanson's books in the past so I had high hopes for this one. My expectations were exceeded: this is his best book yet! Filled with easy to understand and implement guidance, Hanson and his son Forrest break Resilience down into 12 chapters. You can read one chapter at a time in order or skip around. His voice is as warm and friendly as ever. The amazing part is his ability to clearly sum up ALL of the information into easily understood sections. If you had to unpack all of the science he's written about, this would be a 1,200-page book.

I will be buying multiple copies and handing them out to everyone!

[Ken Hamner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m usually a generous reviewer of books, but this book was like something from the David Van Driessen character from Beavis and Butthead or some other such over the top gentle, soothing bunch of nonsense. It might be helpful to someone in a straight jacket but not if you’re just stressed out or simply facing tremendous challenges.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

ottimi spunti di riflessione e consigli su come approcciarsi alle emozioni, a se stessi e agli altri. Non uno di quei libri di crescita personale scritti solo per farti sentire ancora più inadeguato di come già ti consideri, ma un vero aiuto per conoscersi, migliorarsi e anche accettarsi. Da riprendere in mano ogni volta che se ne sente il bisogno, proprio come dovessimo andare in terapia

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Resourceful. Approachable. Practical- “Let be, let go, let in.”

[John Turlockton · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nothing practical in this. It's just descriptions of positive words, with some personal anecdotes about them and some un-sourced, vague, impractical ideas for increasing these traits.

[Gokce · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,5’tan 4 diyebilirim:) okurken iyi de, uygulanabilse😛

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a difficult book to give a rating. I'm not sure if it is ill-titled ("Resilient" is only a piece of what is discussed), too basic after much reading in the genre, or that it had a bit too much of "systems" that would be difficult to follow in reality-unless internalized over many years of practice/learning/effort. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to say 4 out of 5. I think the overall rating of by others who have read it (between 3.75 and 3.90) is spot-on.

The book does follow a rather simple format of explaining some basic scenarios for people and citing what many people have had difficulty with in how they perceive, listen, and interact with other people. Also in how they project, recover, and cope with their internal pressures while working/living with other people.

Hanson does have it all broken down as early as page 4 in a grid with three items on a Y-axis (Safety, Satisfaction, Connection), and four items on an X-axis (Recognizing, Resourcing, Regulating, Relating). These are then discussed in the following 12 chapters. Having read numerous books on understanding how we perceive, internalize, have biases, and interact, perhaps made this feel a bit elementary, but what I thought early on as a refreshing lesson, was spot on. I did find myself putting the book down and reflecting a lot. So, it must have been more impactful than on first blush.

There is enough neuroscience in the book (some of which I remembered a bit differently from other books) to give a novice in the area of behavior enough understanding how the mind works (a least a bit). Then Hanson breaks down the internal toward the interpersonal.

I think this is a rather worthwhile book and I'm glad to have read it. At least quarterly I'll try to jump on this subject to keep my awareness up to both these principles and my own fallibility to them.

Give it a chance. Take your time, let it sink in and reflect. Enjoy