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Braineater Jones
Braineater Jones wakes up face down in a swimming pool with no memory of his former life, how he died, or why he’s now a zombie. With a smart-aleck severed head as a partner, Jones descends into the undead ghetto to solve his own murder.
But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.
As the booze, blood, and clues coagulate, Jones gets closer to discovering the identity of his killer and the secrets behind the city’s stranglehold on liquid spirits. Death couldn’t stop him, but if the liquor dries up, the entire city will be plunged into an orgy of cannibalism.
Cracking this case is a tall order. Braineater Jones won’t get out alive, but if he plays his cards right, he might manage to salvage the last scraps of his humanity.
But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.
As the booze, blood, and clues coagulate, Jones gets closer to discovering the identity of his killer and the secrets behind the city’s stranglehold on liquid spirits. Death couldn’t stop him, but if the liquor dries up, the entire city will be plunged into an orgy of cannibalism.
Cracking this case is a tall order. Braineater Jones won’t get out alive, but if he plays his cards right, he might manage to salvage the last scraps of his humanity.
Audible Audio
First published October 9, 2013
116 people are currently reading
924 people want to read
About the author
Stephen Kozeniewski
46 books437 followersStephen Kozeniewski (pronounced "causin' ooze key") is a Splatterpunk Award-winning author and two-time World Horror Grossout Contest champion. His published work has also been nominated for the Voice Arts and Indie Horror Book Awards, among other honors. He lives in Pennsylvania with his fiancée and their two cats above a fanciful balloon studio.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 154 reviews
June 30, 2019
So you think you have problems?
Let me tell you about problems:
How would you feel if you woke up dead? Not the nicest way to start your day. But it gets worse...
How would you feel, on the first day of your unlife, if you had amnesia? That's right, you can't remember a thing about yourself. Not even your name. Sounds like fun, right? But that's not all...
How would you feel if your body wants to go into rigor mortis the moment you lie down?
What, you think that's it? It's not!
How would you feel if you didn't have any money but you had to keep drinking alcohol to keep your mind sharp?
How would you feel if you could still have sex - as long as you don't look at the spot afterword?
Does your best friend have a body?
Why don't you just stop your bitching and man the fuck up!
-----------------------------------------------
This book was the author's debut, so I'm willing to cut him a little slack. Some of the humor was hilarious while others didn't work for me, but I found myself laughing more often than not.
The setting is the 1930's, so the slang terms for that time may not be for everybody - if you like noir, you should be fine. It is after prohibition - sort of - and the idea of them becoming a community, be it of the poor and unfortunate kind, gives this story another dimension which is needed to make it more than just a funny book.
Some of the scenes, as I said before, was hilarious. The scene in the brothel, particularly, had me in stitches.
I can't recommend this book to hardcore horror fans, but it think it will have a better audience with those who likes to do some lighter reading with humor in mind. I enjoyed it.
Let me tell you about problems:
How would you feel if you woke up dead? Not the nicest way to start your day. But it gets worse...
How would you feel, on the first day of your unlife, if you had amnesia? That's right, you can't remember a thing about yourself. Not even your name. Sounds like fun, right? But that's not all...
How would you feel if your body wants to go into rigor mortis the moment you lie down?
What, you think that's it? It's not!
How would you feel if you didn't have any money but you had to keep drinking alcohol to keep your mind sharp?
How would you feel if you could still have sex - as long as you don't look at the spot afterword?
Does your best friend have a body?
Why don't you just stop your bitching and man the fuck up!
-----------------------------------------------
This book was the author's debut, so I'm willing to cut him a little slack. Some of the humor was hilarious while others didn't work for me, but I found myself laughing more often than not.
The setting is the 1930's, so the slang terms for that time may not be for everybody - if you like noir, you should be fine. It is after prohibition - sort of - and the idea of them becoming a community, be it of the poor and unfortunate kind, gives this story another dimension which is needed to make it more than just a funny book.
Some of the scenes, as I said before, was hilarious. The scene in the brothel, particularly, had me in stitches.
I can't recommend this book to hardcore horror fans, but it think it will have a better audience with those who likes to do some lighter reading with humor in mind. I enjoyed it.
October 21, 2016
Zombie Noir. That's what I'm calling it, since there's nothing else that quite fits this original novel.
Braineater wakes up dead in a pool. With me so far? He's on a mission to find out who he was, why he's dead and a number of other things. (Seriously, he has a numbered list of questions to which he's trying to find answers.) To accomplish this, he needs to keep drinking alcohol, because that's what keeps Braineaters like him fresh. Will he get the answers he seeks? You'll have to read this, (or listen to it), to find out!
I found myself laughing out loud quite a bit while listening to this on audio. The creativity of both the story and the narrator are amazing. The characters-a dude in a jar, a dude that's just a head, (HILARIOUS!), mix and match prostitutes, (you'll see), are CRAZY fun and the voices that Steve Rimpici comes up with for them are absolutely perfect.
I highly recommend the audio book of Braineater Jones. It's funny, imaginative and entertaining. What more can you ask for from Zombie Noir?
*This audio was provided free of charge as part of a Sponsored Group Listen in the Horror Aficionados group at Goodreads. Even though it was free, this is my honest review.*
Braineater wakes up dead in a pool. With me so far? He's on a mission to find out who he was, why he's dead and a number of other things. (Seriously, he has a numbered list of questions to which he's trying to find answers.) To accomplish this, he needs to keep drinking alcohol, because that's what keeps Braineaters like him fresh. Will he get the answers he seeks? You'll have to read this, (or listen to it), to find out!
I found myself laughing out loud quite a bit while listening to this on audio. The creativity of both the story and the narrator are amazing. The characters-a dude in a jar, a dude that's just a head, (HILARIOUS!), mix and match prostitutes, (you'll see), are CRAZY fun and the voices that Steve Rimpici comes up with for them are absolutely perfect.
I highly recommend the audio book of Braineater Jones. It's funny, imaginative and entertaining. What more can you ask for from Zombie Noir?
*This audio was provided free of charge as part of a Sponsored Group Listen in the Horror Aficionados group at Goodreads. Even though it was free, this is my honest review.*
September 15, 2020
Actual rating: 3.21245684975 stars.
When all you have to say about a book you already mentioned in your pre-review…
Okay, let’s see then, what other fascinating facts could I possibly tell you about this story? Well, I guess I could start at the beginning and stuff. So Braineater Jones is about a guy called Braineater Jones. So far so good? Yay and stuff, let’s keep going. Braineater Jones is not his real name (and thank fish for that), by the way, and the poor guy has no bloody shrimping clue what he may have been called back when he was alive. Oh wait, did I forget to mention he was slightly dead? Oops. So I guess I should have started with the beginning of the beginning, when Braineater Jones woke up naked at the bottom of a swimming pool with a fairly good-sized hole in his chest. Sorry, what? You think this is a slightly awkward? Nah. Slightly awkward is when the guy starts itching, rotting, having to fish out maggots from his body (fun times), getting his head somewhat backwards and generally looking like a colander.
I know right?
Anyhoo and stuff, so Jonesy wakes up deadly dead and off to try and figure out how he got that way and why he is. Spoiler spoiler spoiler happens, Jonesy kinda sorta becomes a kinda sorta reluctant P.I., and the story turns into a Noir Fiction Meets Zombies Type Thingie (NFMZTT™). Which could have been slightly scrumptious, only the whole thing fell kind of flat. Mostly because instead of playing with Noir tropes—the way Glen Cook does in his Garrett Files series—Kozeniewski just delivers them the way it’s been done since the 1940s. Which is a shame and stuff. I mean, if you’re going to write a hardboiled detective-type story in the 2000s, at least try to get a little creative with it and stuff. Same goes for the zombie extravaganza: it’s just your Standard Zombie Fest (SZF™).
Yeah, more or less
The weird thing is, the book is strangely reminiscent of Sandman Slim, too. Not sure what it is that reminds me of my boyfriend Jimmy Stark here: the tone that the author tried to set for his novel—dark with black humor thrown in—or the fact that the MC’s sidekick is a corpseless head 👋 waves at Alcibé and Kasabian 👋. In any case, the problem is that the story just doesn’t compare with my Jimmy’s utterly yummilicious adventures. Worse, it feels kind of very bland. It’s dark, but notnearly enough too much, and there’s some black humor, but it’s pretty tame. Maybe if the author had taken things up a notch or twenty, the book would have been more entertaining, but he didn’t so it wasn’t.
➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): Sorry, what? You wanted to know more about the story itself? And find out what the plot is about? Well that’s just too bad, isn’t it? 😬
[Pre-review nonsense]
This could have been a Most Glorious Sandman Slim/Garrett P.I. Kinda Sorta Mashup Thingie (MGSSGPIKDMT™). Only that neither Richard Kadrey nor Glen Cook co-authored it, so it wasn't. Bloody shrimping bummer and stuff.
Yeah, pretty much.
➽ Full review to come and stuff.
When all you have to say about a book you already mentioned in your pre-review…
Okay, let’s see then, what other fascinating facts could I possibly tell you about this story? Well, I guess I could start at the beginning and stuff. So Braineater Jones is about a guy called Braineater Jones. So far so good? Yay and stuff, let’s keep going. Braineater Jones is not his real name (and thank fish for that), by the way, and the poor guy has no bloody shrimping clue what he may have been called back when he was alive. Oh wait, did I forget to mention he was slightly dead? Oops. So I guess I should have started with the beginning of the beginning, when Braineater Jones woke up naked at the bottom of a swimming pool with a fairly good-sized hole in his chest. Sorry, what? You think this is a slightly awkward? Nah. Slightly awkward is when the guy starts itching, rotting, having to fish out maggots from his body (fun times), getting his head somewhat backwards and generally looking like a colander.
I know right?
Anyhoo and stuff, so Jonesy wakes up deadly dead and off to try and figure out how he got that way and why he is. Spoiler spoiler spoiler happens, Jonesy kinda sorta becomes a kinda sorta reluctant P.I., and the story turns into a Noir Fiction Meets Zombies Type Thingie (NFMZTT™). Which could have been slightly scrumptious, only the whole thing fell kind of flat. Mostly because instead of playing with Noir tropes—the way Glen Cook does in his Garrett Files series—Kozeniewski just delivers them the way it’s been done since the 1940s. Which is a shame and stuff. I mean, if you’re going to write a hardboiled detective-type story in the 2000s, at least try to get a little creative with it and stuff. Same goes for the zombie extravaganza: it’s just your Standard Zombie Fest (SZF™).
Yeah, more or less
The weird thing is, the book is strangely reminiscent of Sandman Slim, too. Not sure what it is that reminds me of my boyfriend Jimmy Stark here: the tone that the author tried to set for his novel—dark with black humor thrown in—or the fact that the MC’s sidekick is a corpseless head 👋 waves at Alcibé and Kasabian 👋. In any case, the problem is that the story just doesn’t compare with my Jimmy’s utterly yummilicious adventures. Worse, it feels kind of very bland. It’s dark, but not
➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): Sorry, what? You wanted to know more about the story itself? And find out what the plot is about? Well that’s just too bad, isn’t it? 😬
[Pre-review nonsense]
This could have been a Most Glorious Sandman Slim/Garrett P.I. Kinda Sorta Mashup Thingie (MGSSGPIKDMT™). Only that neither Richard Kadrey nor Glen Cook co-authored it, so it wasn't. Bloody shrimping bummer and stuff.
Yeah, pretty much.
➽ Full review to come and stuff.
February 10, 2017
This review and the rest of the crap I write can be seen @ my blog Bark's Book Nonsense . Stop by and say hey.
I listened to a copy of the audiobook provided by the author for the Horror Aficionados Sponsored Group Listen. Please feel free to join us!
It’s the 1930’s and a man wakes up in a pool with a big hole in his chest and no memory of what transpired the night before. But he’s not exactly a man anymore . . .
He manages to track down more of his “kind” and learns that he needs booze to keep his brain from turning to complete mush. But booze costs money and his money is dwindling fast. He becomes known as “Braineater Jones”, PI for the dead who are still walking around. Surprisingly enough, he finds tons of work and has little time left to crack his own case. Who plugged him and why? He seems like a nice enough guy, he thinks, but he doesn’t really remember.
This book is a mashup of a noir, hard-boiled detective type of story set in a world where the dead don’t die. I’ll be honest and tell you I’m not a big fan of the noir but this story is a riot and would make a fun movie that I’d pay to watch. It is seriously funny and has some kooky ideas about body parts that actually made me laugh. I never do that. The narrator reads the story with such joy and enthusiasm that it’s infectious and his voices are hilarious.
It’s sometimes gross but a zany kind of gross. “He made a noise like a big wad of oatmeal getting sucked up a puckered anus.” If you need a laugh and like something just a little off kilter, I’m pretty certain this one will do the trick.
See more of my reviews at my blog Bark's Book Nonsense .
I listened to a copy of the audiobook provided by the author for the Horror Aficionados Sponsored Group Listen. Please feel free to join us!
It’s the 1930’s and a man wakes up in a pool with a big hole in his chest and no memory of what transpired the night before. But he’s not exactly a man anymore . . .
He manages to track down more of his “kind” and learns that he needs booze to keep his brain from turning to complete mush. But booze costs money and his money is dwindling fast. He becomes known as “Braineater Jones”, PI for the dead who are still walking around. Surprisingly enough, he finds tons of work and has little time left to crack his own case. Who plugged him and why? He seems like a nice enough guy, he thinks, but he doesn’t really remember.
This book is a mashup of a noir, hard-boiled detective type of story set in a world where the dead don’t die. I’ll be honest and tell you I’m not a big fan of the noir but this story is a riot and would make a fun movie that I’d pay to watch. It is seriously funny and has some kooky ideas about body parts that actually made me laugh. I never do that. The narrator reads the story with such joy and enthusiasm that it’s infectious and his voices are hilarious.
It’s sometimes gross but a zany kind of gross. “He made a noise like a big wad of oatmeal getting sucked up a puckered anus.” If you need a laugh and like something just a little off kilter, I’m pretty certain this one will do the trick.
See more of my reviews at my blog Bark's Book Nonsense .
September 27, 2016
**I received a copy of the audiobook in exchange for a honest review.**
zombies and noir isn't really my thing but I like the cover so what the heck, i'll give it a try. WHOA! I'm sure glad I did. this book was so much fun! the narrator was great. the characters were so much fun! zombie, Nazi's, talking decapitated heads and hoodoo! i'll definitely stayed tuned to see what Mr.Kozeniewski comes out with next.
zombies and noir isn't really my thing but I like the cover so what the heck, i'll give it a try. WHOA! I'm sure glad I did. this book was so much fun! the narrator was great. the characters were so much fun! zombie, Nazi's, talking decapitated heads and hoodoo! i'll definitely stayed tuned to see what Mr.Kozeniewski comes out with next.
May 14, 2015
A copy of Braineater Jones was sent to Confessions of a Reviewer by the author Stephen Kozeniewski in exchange for an honest review. This is said review.
Another new one on me. Never heard of Stephen Kozeniewski before he sent me this through Confessions, for a review. I love it when new authors (to me) take the time to contact me and push their stuff for a review. You sometimes get stuff that, to be honest, I put down after a page or two. Sometimes you get stuff like this. Looks a bit bizarre and maybe not in your normal reading piles but worth a shot. Imagine my surprise when I noticed Mr Kozeniewski’s name in an anthology I started to read at the same time. Coincidence? I think more fate. After reading Braineater Jones I’m going to jump straight to his story in the anthology. He is rather bloody good.
A man awakes face down in a swimming pool. Well, he doesn’t really wake up. That’s because he is dead. The huge hole in his chest sort of points to that. He has no idea where he is, who he is, what happened to him or where he needs to go. He adopts the name of Braineater Jones and sets about tracking down his killer. His only friend, it appears, is an “undead” like himself. Problem is, he is only a head with no body and pretty useless in a bar brawl.
After discovering that the only thing that will keep him from craving the human flesh he is naturally attracted to is alcohol, Jones and the head embark on a mission to find a constant supply of booze, solve a few cases as PI’s and find Jones’ killer before their time runs out.
First question – how to categorise this? That is such a hard question. The story is set in November 1934. You read the story through the eyes of Jones, reading his entries in his own personal journal from 31st October through until 1st December. Each day describes what has happened to him and the “head” in their quest for booze and answers. That is really all I want to give you on the plot itself because you need to read this to follow the journey yourself. You really need to read it!
It’s noir. It’s horror. It’s dark fiction. It’s full of dark humour. Most of all this is just pure, absolute fun. I absolutely loved it.
The atmosphere is perfect. You have a dark, almost smokey feeling which sets the scene perfectly. You can imagine Bogart or someone of that era playing parts in this story. Every time someone walks into a bar you can sense the music playing in the background, the sights, and the smells. It stinks of the 30’s during prohibition.
That’s what absolutely makes this book. You have to remember at points that the main character is a zombie for crying out loud. We only see zombies in modern day movies that leave a lot to be desired. I noticed someone say they could see this made into a film with Bruce Campbell as Jones. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect. This would become a cult film. This should become a cult book. It is that good.
Zombies that walk and talk and think and have their own place in society as long as they drink alcohol! I want to be a zombie in the 1930’s.
Hidden within the main story are little snippets of side stories that bring you back to reality. There are Nazi’s in this. Americans collaborating with Nazi’s just before the Second World War. Whether intentional or not, it examines the culture of that time period. The racism, the homophobia, the language used, talking about women as dames and reminding them of their place in society. It’s not in your face but it does remind you of how it must have been to live in those times.
And it has zombies!!! In the 1930’s!
To summarise: It has zombies! In the 1930’s! This is not your typical zombie story. I loved that fact. It oozes noir. It oozes atmosphere. It is a horror of sorts but if you are expecting jump out of your seat scary, then it is not. It is very dark with a lot of dark humour. It will make you cringe and laugh at the same time. It will make you root for the underdog. It’s just good fun and well worth the time it will take you to read it.
I for one cannot wait for more from Mr Kozeniewski.
General rating:
★★★★★ Absolutely loved it and it comes highly recommended.
Horror rating:
★★★ Creepy but could have had more.
Another new one on me. Never heard of Stephen Kozeniewski before he sent me this through Confessions, for a review. I love it when new authors (to me) take the time to contact me and push their stuff for a review. You sometimes get stuff that, to be honest, I put down after a page or two. Sometimes you get stuff like this. Looks a bit bizarre and maybe not in your normal reading piles but worth a shot. Imagine my surprise when I noticed Mr Kozeniewski’s name in an anthology I started to read at the same time. Coincidence? I think more fate. After reading Braineater Jones I’m going to jump straight to his story in the anthology. He is rather bloody good.
A man awakes face down in a swimming pool. Well, he doesn’t really wake up. That’s because he is dead. The huge hole in his chest sort of points to that. He has no idea where he is, who he is, what happened to him or where he needs to go. He adopts the name of Braineater Jones and sets about tracking down his killer. His only friend, it appears, is an “undead” like himself. Problem is, he is only a head with no body and pretty useless in a bar brawl.
After discovering that the only thing that will keep him from craving the human flesh he is naturally attracted to is alcohol, Jones and the head embark on a mission to find a constant supply of booze, solve a few cases as PI’s and find Jones’ killer before their time runs out.
First question – how to categorise this? That is such a hard question. The story is set in November 1934. You read the story through the eyes of Jones, reading his entries in his own personal journal from 31st October through until 1st December. Each day describes what has happened to him and the “head” in their quest for booze and answers. That is really all I want to give you on the plot itself because you need to read this to follow the journey yourself. You really need to read it!
It’s noir. It’s horror. It’s dark fiction. It’s full of dark humour. Most of all this is just pure, absolute fun. I absolutely loved it.
The atmosphere is perfect. You have a dark, almost smokey feeling which sets the scene perfectly. You can imagine Bogart or someone of that era playing parts in this story. Every time someone walks into a bar you can sense the music playing in the background, the sights, and the smells. It stinks of the 30’s during prohibition.
That’s what absolutely makes this book. You have to remember at points that the main character is a zombie for crying out loud. We only see zombies in modern day movies that leave a lot to be desired. I noticed someone say they could see this made into a film with Bruce Campbell as Jones. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect. This would become a cult film. This should become a cult book. It is that good.
Zombies that walk and talk and think and have their own place in society as long as they drink alcohol! I want to be a zombie in the 1930’s.
Hidden within the main story are little snippets of side stories that bring you back to reality. There are Nazi’s in this. Americans collaborating with Nazi’s just before the Second World War. Whether intentional or not, it examines the culture of that time period. The racism, the homophobia, the language used, talking about women as dames and reminding them of their place in society. It’s not in your face but it does remind you of how it must have been to live in those times.
And it has zombies!!! In the 1930’s!
To summarise: It has zombies! In the 1930’s! This is not your typical zombie story. I loved that fact. It oozes noir. It oozes atmosphere. It is a horror of sorts but if you are expecting jump out of your seat scary, then it is not. It is very dark with a lot of dark humour. It will make you cringe and laugh at the same time. It will make you root for the underdog. It’s just good fun and well worth the time it will take you to read it.
I for one cannot wait for more from Mr Kozeniewski.
General rating:
★★★★★ Absolutely loved it and it comes highly recommended.
Horror rating:
★★★ Creepy but could have had more.
January 10, 2020
Braineater Jones is a bizarro neo-noir hardboiled detective novel involving zombies, deadhead bars, bootleggers, Nazis, pick-a-body-Part hookers, bodiless heads (ala Burrough's Chessmen of Mars), guys preserved in jars, voodoo, slumdwellers, cyborgs, and private eyes.
It starts with a guy walking up at the bottom of a pool with a pretty little hole in his chest and takes off from there into the most twisted world you ever imagined in your wildest conspiracy theories.
You probably have never read anything quite like this no matter how many zombie stories you read and if you care about how they are being discriminated against by breathers.
It starts with a guy walking up at the bottom of a pool with a pretty little hole in his chest and takes off from there into the most twisted world you ever imagined in your wildest conspiracy theories.
You probably have never read anything quite like this no matter how many zombie stories you read and if you care about how they are being discriminated against by breathers.
January 23, 2014
So, admittedly, I didn’t read the synopsis, look at the cover or even have an inkling what this book was about when I started to read it. I was assigned this novel and judging by the title, I expected it to be comical. Three percent through … I said, “Stop. What am I reading?”
Now, don’t take that as a bad sign, I asked this question with a smile on my face. After all, I was expecting a typical zombie novel with a slight Shawn of the Dead or Zombieland slant to it.
Braineater Jones is far from typical. I looked up the book and caught glimpse of cover and that was all, really, I needed to know. I started the novel again. It has a Foreword and honestly, I never read any Foreword until I get through a few chapters. Just a weird thing, especially if I see it is an ‘explanation’ from the author. I take that mindset of ‘Let me read first and then I’ll hear what you want to explain’. I don’t like anything being put in my head.
Off I went, diving into this story with a brand new mindset. It reminded me, in a positive way, of one of those ‘dime story detective’ novels or a film noire shot and narrated by a slick guy with a deep bite and hook to his voice. Complete with that trouble starting Dame every old school mystery has.
Braineater Jones wakes up, or doesn’t wake, he’s dead, at the bottom of a pool. He opens his eyes and so our story begins. He wonders what the heck is going on and is determined to find out not only what happened to him but who he is. He can’t remember.
After a run-in with some thugs, he goes to some sleezy, two bit hotel. There he meets Lazar and we get more information about the new way of life or unlife that Braineater faces.
His journey to the truth is documented in diary entries. And you read each one with that voice in your head. Braineater dives into the community of undead, and learns that you can keep your brain working and body from dripping flesh if you pickle your brain. That is done with alcohol.
The story takes a different perspective, and a fresh one (no pun intended toward corpses). Its twists and turns weave a great and unique mystery as you follow Braineater Jones through his own path of uncovery with plenty of obstacles and bad guys that want him more dead.
The novel is witty, intense and keeps your interest from start to finish. It reads fast, I mean super fast and not that the book is short, it just reads that well. Nothing stumbled me. And that rarely happens. While some Zombie snobs may not like this book, I certainly did.
I can’t for the life of me think of any reason to give this book less than five stars. Stephen Kozeniewski has crafted a very well written novel, it’s crisp, funny, mysterious and just darned good. He is a writing force to be reckoned with and I think I’ll nickname him ‘The Koz’, as his superstar author name, because I am certain if he keeps this up, he’ll get there.
And to steal a little line from his book, Thank Jesus, Murphy, and Joe Hooker that fellow ‘Koz’, he’s got another Zombie book out. Onward to that.
Review submitted by Jacqueline Druga, member of The Bookie Monster team. Visit www.bookie monster.com for more.
Now, don’t take that as a bad sign, I asked this question with a smile on my face. After all, I was expecting a typical zombie novel with a slight Shawn of the Dead or Zombieland slant to it.
Braineater Jones is far from typical. I looked up the book and caught glimpse of cover and that was all, really, I needed to know. I started the novel again. It has a Foreword and honestly, I never read any Foreword until I get through a few chapters. Just a weird thing, especially if I see it is an ‘explanation’ from the author. I take that mindset of ‘Let me read first and then I’ll hear what you want to explain’. I don’t like anything being put in my head.
Off I went, diving into this story with a brand new mindset. It reminded me, in a positive way, of one of those ‘dime story detective’ novels or a film noire shot and narrated by a slick guy with a deep bite and hook to his voice. Complete with that trouble starting Dame every old school mystery has.
Braineater Jones wakes up, or doesn’t wake, he’s dead, at the bottom of a pool. He opens his eyes and so our story begins. He wonders what the heck is going on and is determined to find out not only what happened to him but who he is. He can’t remember.
After a run-in with some thugs, he goes to some sleezy, two bit hotel. There he meets Lazar and we get more information about the new way of life or unlife that Braineater faces.
His journey to the truth is documented in diary entries. And you read each one with that voice in your head. Braineater dives into the community of undead, and learns that you can keep your brain working and body from dripping flesh if you pickle your brain. That is done with alcohol.
The story takes a different perspective, and a fresh one (no pun intended toward corpses). Its twists and turns weave a great and unique mystery as you follow Braineater Jones through his own path of uncovery with plenty of obstacles and bad guys that want him more dead.
The novel is witty, intense and keeps your interest from start to finish. It reads fast, I mean super fast and not that the book is short, it just reads that well. Nothing stumbled me. And that rarely happens. While some Zombie snobs may not like this book, I certainly did.
I can’t for the life of me think of any reason to give this book less than five stars. Stephen Kozeniewski has crafted a very well written novel, it’s crisp, funny, mysterious and just darned good. He is a writing force to be reckoned with and I think I’ll nickname him ‘The Koz’, as his superstar author name, because I am certain if he keeps this up, he’ll get there.
And to steal a little line from his book, Thank Jesus, Murphy, and Joe Hooker that fellow ‘Koz’, he’s got another Zombie book out. Onward to that.
Review submitted by Jacqueline Druga, member of The Bookie Monster team. Visit www.bookie monster.com for more.
August 19, 2015
At the time I purchased this book, I had really had it with the whole zombie 'thing.' I had seen SO many movies and read SO many books that were all pretty much the same, that I had sworn off the lot - and was avoiding dystopian as well, since so many authors seem to believe that zombies and dystopian go hand-in-hand. I was absolutely sure that there was no one who was going to be able to come up with something new and fresh, something exciting and out of the ordinary...
That's when I stumbled upon this book. As usually happens with me on Amazon (and Pinterest - my apologies to anyone who follows me there), I was looking at one thing and ended up, thirty minutes later, looking at the cover of this book. It completely caught my attention and, after reading the book description, I knew I needed to try this out. Maybe it's been done before, but I hadn't seen a zombie PI from back in the 30s and this grabbed my attention on so many levels. I mean, I'm a big fan of mysteries and noir, so how could this be bad?
Trust me - it wasn't.
The main character, Braineater, is pretty awesome. He's sarcastic as hell, and I have this thing about sarcastic main characters. He's new at this whole zombie thing, having recently died, and there are a lot of things to get used to (not even including the fact that their bodies start to change after awhile). Throughout the book, he has some small mysteries that he tries to solve with his new PI business, tries to figure out who murdered him, avoid getting into trouble (which he's not always successful at) - and he meets some crazy characters along the way.
The story itself is so good. The mystery of his murder - and the truths that he finds out along the way - are really thought out and well written. And you can tell that he knows a lot about this era (or did a lot of research) - the terms he uses, as well as social and behavioral points he touches on in his story.
My favorite part of the whole book is the brothel. Wow! It was so out there and different - and absolutely hilarious. And I love the "guy" that Braineater ends up partnering with.
Considering the different genres that this book could fall under, I can see a lot of different readers liking this book. And it's definitely recommended - this is going on The Gal's best read list this year and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to read it.
That's when I stumbled upon this book. As usually happens with me on Amazon (and Pinterest - my apologies to anyone who follows me there), I was looking at one thing and ended up, thirty minutes later, looking at the cover of this book. It completely caught my attention and, after reading the book description, I knew I needed to try this out. Maybe it's been done before, but I hadn't seen a zombie PI from back in the 30s and this grabbed my attention on so many levels. I mean, I'm a big fan of mysteries and noir, so how could this be bad?
Trust me - it wasn't.
The main character, Braineater, is pretty awesome. He's sarcastic as hell, and I have this thing about sarcastic main characters. He's new at this whole zombie thing, having recently died, and there are a lot of things to get used to (not even including the fact that their bodies start to change after awhile). Throughout the book, he has some small mysteries that he tries to solve with his new PI business, tries to figure out who murdered him, avoid getting into trouble (which he's not always successful at) - and he meets some crazy characters along the way.
The story itself is so good. The mystery of his murder - and the truths that he finds out along the way - are really thought out and well written. And you can tell that he knows a lot about this era (or did a lot of research) - the terms he uses, as well as social and behavioral points he touches on in his story.
My favorite part of the whole book is the brothel. Wow! It was so out there and different - and absolutely hilarious. And I love the "guy" that Braineater ends up partnering with.
Considering the different genres that this book could fall under, I can see a lot of different readers liking this book. And it's definitely recommended - this is going on The Gal's best read list this year and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to read it.
October 31, 2016
This book was so much fun! Was skeptical but curious at first. Set in the 1930's, it's about a guy who wakes up as a zombie, and who goes on to be a PI and have many funny adventures. Not really horror, like my usual, but more dark humor and just plain entertaining
December 8, 2013
Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life. Braineater isn't his real name, it's what un-dead people like him are called when they don't have enough liquor in them to keep them fresh. Without the alcohol they start to deteriorate, fleshy bits start to slip right off, and are soon likely to go for your brains. So, he's kinda like those people you find at the morgue with a toe-tag named John Doe.
I'm getting sidetracked.
Jones keeps a journal full of questions he needs answers to, such as; Who am I? Who killed me? How do braineaters live?
In this new world, while on his quest to get the answers he craves, Jones needs money to supply him with lodgings and the liquor he needs. An offer is made for Jones to help out others like him by basically becoming a private eye of sorts.
Jones is heavy-handed servicing his new clients and doesn't make too many friends on his way to enlightenment. When he starts to question the wrong characters, the bad guys get wind and Jones' new un-dead life becomes a lonely one.
I really enjoyed the dark humor layered throughout this read which elicited many a chuckle from me. One-liners and un-dead drama such as needing a bedpan to catch the food you eat as it drains from your neck are just one of the many things that kept me smiling till the last page.
The next time I want someone to go away I'll use this line from the book:
"Why don't you make like a whore and blow?"
The author was creative with his brand of the walking dead and I don't have anything negative/constructive to say, which is a big deal coming from me. I could hear Bruce Campbell as the narrator and could so see this as a B-movie.
I look forward to reading whatever (Can we shorten the name, please! Or at least tell me how to pronounce it *wink*) Mr. K. writes about next.
Job well done!
I'm getting sidetracked.
Jones keeps a journal full of questions he needs answers to, such as; Who am I? Who killed me? How do braineaters live?
In this new world, while on his quest to get the answers he craves, Jones needs money to supply him with lodgings and the liquor he needs. An offer is made for Jones to help out others like him by basically becoming a private eye of sorts.
Jones is heavy-handed servicing his new clients and doesn't make too many friends on his way to enlightenment. When he starts to question the wrong characters, the bad guys get wind and Jones' new un-dead life becomes a lonely one.
I really enjoyed the dark humor layered throughout this read which elicited many a chuckle from me. One-liners and un-dead drama such as needing a bedpan to catch the food you eat as it drains from your neck are just one of the many things that kept me smiling till the last page.
The next time I want someone to go away I'll use this line from the book:
"Why don't you make like a whore and blow?"
The author was creative with his brand of the walking dead and I don't have anything negative/constructive to say, which is a big deal coming from me. I could hear Bruce Campbell as the narrator and could so see this as a B-movie.
I look forward to reading whatever (Can we shorten the name, please! Or at least tell me how to pronounce it *wink*) Mr. K. writes about next.
Job well done!
January 13, 2014
Braineater Jones reminds me a lot of myself, he needs a drink or two to really get going and we seem to have the same warped sense of humor.
What would you do if you woke up face-down in a swimming pool? That is an odd sentence. In more ways than one.
Sorry, I checked out for a minute. I was daydreaming about Braineater Jones.
Stephen Kozeniewski created this marvelous character whom even my husband has been talking about, and he won't read a book to save his life! I talked about Braineater Jones the whole time I was reading the book, and we are still talking about Braineater, weeks after I have finished.
Don't let the title fool you, remember the old adage, "don't judge a book by it's cover?" Well, in this case, don't judge a book by it's title. Just read Braineater Jones and find out for yourself!
What would you do if you woke up face-down in a swimming pool? That is an odd sentence. In more ways than one.
Sorry, I checked out for a minute. I was daydreaming about Braineater Jones.
Stephen Kozeniewski created this marvelous character whom even my husband has been talking about, and he won't read a book to save his life! I talked about Braineater Jones the whole time I was reading the book, and we are still talking about Braineater, weeks after I have finished.
Don't let the title fool you, remember the old adage, "don't judge a book by it's cover?" Well, in this case, don't judge a book by it's title. Just read Braineater Jones and find out for yourself!
December 30, 2015
Read 11/11/14 - 11/19/14
4 Stars - Highly Recommended to fans of zombie fic and crime noir; entertaining smash-up of both genres
Pages: 234
Publisher: Red Adept Publishing
Released: Oct 2014
Pulpy crime noir is not normal TNBBC fare by any means. Our most loyal and beloved readers know this, as do the many authors who've passed pitch letters for that genre our way. But pulpy crime noir involving... zombies? Uh, heck yeaaaah, pass that bad boy over here!
The last time I read anything of this ilk was back during the 2011 BEA, when I was kidnapped and brainwashed (just kidding, sort of) by scientology's publishing arm into taking a review copy of Dead Men Kill. What turned Hubbard's predictably canned and corny detective story into a rather fun and rompy read was the fact that it had zombies. Death by the hands of your recently deceased secretary?! Count me in.
The only other time I tried reading a spin on the hard-boiled detective novel was A Lee Martinez's The Automatic Detective, and that one, though written in classic noir style, was set in the future and featured a robot protagonist. So yeah, you see where my reading tastes lie, right?
I feel no shame in admitting that that's what sold me on Stephen Kozeniewski's pitch for his retro crime-noir Braineater Jones. Ok, so the title is a little... cheesy and the cover is a little... tacky but seriously, we're talking a crime noir novel where a ZOMBIE PRIVATE EYE is investigating his own death. The title HAS to be cheesy and the cover HAS to be tacky! It's so bad it's good, ya know? Hell, it's better than good. It's fricken tops. And it's set during the prohibition so the entire novel is peppered through with good ole 1930's lingo.
So here's the lowdown: The novel kicks off with our protagonist floating face down and naked in a swimming pool. He's dead and he has no memory of why or who did him in, though he can pretty well tell how as he fingers the big ole hole in his chest:
"I woke up dead this morning... Not dead drunk. Dead. Dead dead. As in no pulse, no breathing, dead as a doornail dead... dead is tough. But dead and still thinking means I've got a chance."
His first order of business, finding the guys who killed him. Then, figuring out why he's become a braineater. Actually, he'd be cool with answers to either at this point. So he starts by logging all of his questions in a journal - Who was the hatchet man? Why did they bump me off? Who or what was I before I died? Why can't I remember anything from before I died? What am I? And are there others like me? - and begins to search the property for clues. Before he gets very far, he's chased by two men with guns, ending up in an alley in a bad part of town. And here is where our Braineater Jones starts to get some answers...
Told from the eternally hopeful POV of Braineater himself, we're pulled deep into the underbelly of The Welcome Mat, a dark and dangerous place where the rest of the dead hang out, pickling their brains with alcohol (a very effective way of staving off the rigor mortis and quieting their innate hunger for flesh). There, he meets Lazar - a mysterious man who promises to keep Braineater's whistle whet for a price; a troublesome dame who smells like nothing but trouble from the start; and Alcide, who quickly becomes his severed head sidekick. Oh yeah. A fucking severed head you guys.
Nothing is as it seems and every answer only seems to create more questions for our wise crackin' protag. But come hell or high water, Jones won't give up until he gets to the bottom of things, or until he ends up double-dog dead. Whichever comes first.
Stephen Koseniewski pulls us along, page after page, leaving us just as clueless as his narrator. We know only what Jones knows as he comes to know it, the truth of his murder and the origins of the walking deaders unfolding before our eyes at the same time.
An incredibly well written and brain-tickling read, Braineater Jones aims to hit you in both the heart and the funny bone. Super hard core zombie lit fans might find the liberties Stephen takes with his undead a little too much to bear, however for this reader, it certainly hits its marks.
4 Stars - Highly Recommended to fans of zombie fic and crime noir; entertaining smash-up of both genres
Pages: 234
Publisher: Red Adept Publishing
Released: Oct 2014
Pulpy crime noir is not normal TNBBC fare by any means. Our most loyal and beloved readers know this, as do the many authors who've passed pitch letters for that genre our way. But pulpy crime noir involving... zombies? Uh, heck yeaaaah, pass that bad boy over here!
The last time I read anything of this ilk was back during the 2011 BEA, when I was kidnapped and brainwashed (just kidding, sort of) by scientology's publishing arm into taking a review copy of Dead Men Kill. What turned Hubbard's predictably canned and corny detective story into a rather fun and rompy read was the fact that it had zombies. Death by the hands of your recently deceased secretary?! Count me in.
The only other time I tried reading a spin on the hard-boiled detective novel was A Lee Martinez's The Automatic Detective, and that one, though written in classic noir style, was set in the future and featured a robot protagonist. So yeah, you see where my reading tastes lie, right?
I feel no shame in admitting that that's what sold me on Stephen Kozeniewski's pitch for his retro crime-noir Braineater Jones. Ok, so the title is a little... cheesy and the cover is a little... tacky but seriously, we're talking a crime noir novel where a ZOMBIE PRIVATE EYE is investigating his own death. The title HAS to be cheesy and the cover HAS to be tacky! It's so bad it's good, ya know? Hell, it's better than good. It's fricken tops. And it's set during the prohibition so the entire novel is peppered through with good ole 1930's lingo.
So here's the lowdown: The novel kicks off with our protagonist floating face down and naked in a swimming pool. He's dead and he has no memory of why or who did him in, though he can pretty well tell how as he fingers the big ole hole in his chest:
"I woke up dead this morning... Not dead drunk. Dead. Dead dead. As in no pulse, no breathing, dead as a doornail dead... dead is tough. But dead and still thinking means I've got a chance."
His first order of business, finding the guys who killed him. Then, figuring out why he's become a braineater. Actually, he'd be cool with answers to either at this point. So he starts by logging all of his questions in a journal - Who was the hatchet man? Why did they bump me off? Who or what was I before I died? Why can't I remember anything from before I died? What am I? And are there others like me? - and begins to search the property for clues. Before he gets very far, he's chased by two men with guns, ending up in an alley in a bad part of town. And here is where our Braineater Jones starts to get some answers...
Told from the eternally hopeful POV of Braineater himself, we're pulled deep into the underbelly of The Welcome Mat, a dark and dangerous place where the rest of the dead hang out, pickling their brains with alcohol (a very effective way of staving off the rigor mortis and quieting their innate hunger for flesh). There, he meets Lazar - a mysterious man who promises to keep Braineater's whistle whet for a price; a troublesome dame who smells like nothing but trouble from the start; and Alcide, who quickly becomes his severed head sidekick. Oh yeah. A fucking severed head you guys.
Nothing is as it seems and every answer only seems to create more questions for our wise crackin' protag. But come hell or high water, Jones won't give up until he gets to the bottom of things, or until he ends up double-dog dead. Whichever comes first.
Stephen Koseniewski pulls us along, page after page, leaving us just as clueless as his narrator. We know only what Jones knows as he comes to know it, the truth of his murder and the origins of the walking deaders unfolding before our eyes at the same time.
An incredibly well written and brain-tickling read, Braineater Jones aims to hit you in both the heart and the funny bone. Super hard core zombie lit fans might find the liberties Stephen takes with his undead a little too much to bear, however for this reader, it certainly hits its marks.
May 24, 2016
4 Stars
Full Review:
*I received a free ecopy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*
Most of the zombies I read about are the mindless, infected, and/or shambling kind. But I much prefer my non-human creatures to be main characters in books rather than monsters to be killed, so having a zombie protagonist this time made me all excited, and for good reason because this was such a unique, creative take on the creatures!
See, in this version, they’re still fully functioning, but they have to drink alcohol to stay “alive” because it pickles the brain, and, if rigor mortis starts to set in, they have to electroshock their bodies back into action. But since they’re dead, any injuries they get don’t actually heal, so, for example, our protag Braineater Jones here has to remove maggots from his bullet holes each morning, and all the zombies have their own little tips and tricks in order to keep their bodies looking and functioning as alive as possible. Also, their body parts stay alive even when removed, which leads to some extremely interesting scenarios, like Jones having a severed head as a partner in his detective business and a brothel where the men get to choose a head, a torso, and legs separately to form one woman. So what I’m saying is, I absolutely loved the creativity of the zombies and their whole little zombie society. The author really had fun with all the oddities and mishaps that would come with being a walking, talking corpse.
The writing was also great in that Braineater Jones had a fantastic voice. I’m no expert on the lingo and culture of the 1930s, but it felt pretty right. It was definitely not just a character from the present plopped into a 1930s setting. The way Jones talked, his thoughts, the slang he used—it really added a lot to the book.
The book was also funny in this sarcastic, bizarre, sometimes twisted, sometimes disgusting (literally, because their bodies were rotting corpses) kind of way. It’s not for the faint of heart or the easily offended, but the absurdity of some of the situations combined with Jones’s commentary made for a highly entertaining read.
There was also the crime noir/mystery aspect of Jones trying to solve his own murder case, but honestly, I’m not a big crime mystery person. I just liked the book for the fun zombie-ness.
So overall, it was a fantastically strange and unique zombie book that was so much fun to read!
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes humor that's not for the faint of heart and who wants a creative, fun take on zombies that's urban fantasy-esque rather than apocalyptic.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
Full Review:
*I received a free ecopy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*
Most of the zombies I read about are the mindless, infected, and/or shambling kind. But I much prefer my non-human creatures to be main characters in books rather than monsters to be killed, so having a zombie protagonist this time made me all excited, and for good reason because this was such a unique, creative take on the creatures!
See, in this version, they’re still fully functioning, but they have to drink alcohol to stay “alive” because it pickles the brain, and, if rigor mortis starts to set in, they have to electroshock their bodies back into action. But since they’re dead, any injuries they get don’t actually heal, so, for example, our protag Braineater Jones here has to remove maggots from his bullet holes each morning, and all the zombies have their own little tips and tricks in order to keep their bodies looking and functioning as alive as possible. Also, their body parts stay alive even when removed, which leads to some extremely interesting scenarios, like Jones having a severed head as a partner in his detective business and a brothel where the men get to choose a head, a torso, and legs separately to form one woman. So what I’m saying is, I absolutely loved the creativity of the zombies and their whole little zombie society. The author really had fun with all the oddities and mishaps that would come with being a walking, talking corpse.
The writing was also great in that Braineater Jones had a fantastic voice. I’m no expert on the lingo and culture of the 1930s, but it felt pretty right. It was definitely not just a character from the present plopped into a 1930s setting. The way Jones talked, his thoughts, the slang he used—it really added a lot to the book.
The book was also funny in this sarcastic, bizarre, sometimes twisted, sometimes disgusting (literally, because their bodies were rotting corpses) kind of way. It’s not for the faint of heart or the easily offended, but the absurdity of some of the situations combined with Jones’s commentary made for a highly entertaining read.
There was also the crime noir/mystery aspect of Jones trying to solve his own murder case, but honestly, I’m not a big crime mystery person. I just liked the book for the fun zombie-ness.
So overall, it was a fantastically strange and unique zombie book that was so much fun to read!
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes humor that's not for the faint of heart and who wants a creative, fun take on zombies that's urban fantasy-esque rather than apocalyptic.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
October 24, 2013
*Book source ~ Many thanks to Red Adept Publishing for providing a review copy in exchange for an honest review.
It’s 1934 and a man wakes up naked, floating in a pool and he can’t remember who he is. Oh, and he’s dead. No, it’s not the beginning of a joke. Braineater Jones is the walking dead and he needs to figure out who he is, what happened to him and who killed him before he ends up dead dead. Or as he puts it, double dog dead.
I liked the premise for this story and the execution doesn’t disappoint. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t say execution. *shrugs* Braineater Jones…um, that isn’t his real name obviously since he can’t remember who he is. Anyway, Braineater wakes up naked and dead in a pool. Except he’s still functioning, albeit without a heartbeat and breathing and he has a bullet hole in his chest. Which he inspects then proceeds to look around his surroundings.
“After I finished fingering my hole, I went for the sliding glass doors.”
And that is when I knew this book was going to be entertaining. Sometimes gross and sometimes grossly funny, but always entertaining me as I went about trying to figure out the twists and turns going on in Braineater Jones life. Or unlife. Or whatever you want to call it. Told from the POV of Braineater in a journal-like way the writing is superb and the world of 1934 comes to life. Toss a zombie community into the works, some nefarious goings on and the mystery of who tried to kill Braineater and why and you get a mysterious horror story. Or a horrific mystery. Whichever floats your boat. And just to be clear, I’m not going to be eating spaghetti for awhile. All-in-all a solid and unique zombie story. Just don’t eat while you’re reading it.
It’s 1934 and a man wakes up naked, floating in a pool and he can’t remember who he is. Oh, and he’s dead. No, it’s not the beginning of a joke. Braineater Jones is the walking dead and he needs to figure out who he is, what happened to him and who killed him before he ends up dead dead. Or as he puts it, double dog dead.
I liked the premise for this story and the execution doesn’t disappoint. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t say execution. *shrugs* Braineater Jones…um, that isn’t his real name obviously since he can’t remember who he is. Anyway, Braineater wakes up naked and dead in a pool. Except he’s still functioning, albeit without a heartbeat and breathing and he has a bullet hole in his chest. Which he inspects then proceeds to look around his surroundings.
“After I finished fingering my hole, I went for the sliding glass doors.”
And that is when I knew this book was going to be entertaining. Sometimes gross and sometimes grossly funny, but always entertaining me as I went about trying to figure out the twists and turns going on in Braineater Jones life. Or unlife. Or whatever you want to call it. Told from the POV of Braineater in a journal-like way the writing is superb and the world of 1934 comes to life. Toss a zombie community into the works, some nefarious goings on and the mystery of who tried to kill Braineater and why and you get a mysterious horror story. Or a horrific mystery. Whichever floats your boat. And just to be clear, I’m not going to be eating spaghetti for awhile. All-in-all a solid and unique zombie story. Just don’t eat while you’re reading it.
November 28, 2015
Braineater Jones is so steeped in the hard-boiled detective genre of the mid-twentieth century it pays homage to, you might say it is saturated. The tone, the characters, the dialogue, it all feels so pulpy in its approach, the addition of zombies doesn't seem like so far a stretch.
Jones is a zombie, and he's pretty sure that's a recent development despite suffering from amnesia. With foul play involved, he embarks to solve his own murder, taking on a zombified severed head named Alcibe as his sidekick.
Alcibe the talking zombie head kind of stole the show in a lot of scenes in which he was featured. From the get-go as he introduced himself to Braineater Jones and demonstrated his tenaciousness to escape his prison of a jar by basically wobbling about on his neck stump, I was pretty much on board with Alcibe. and credit to Steve Rimpici for great voice work, as well. Loved it.
Aside from Alcibe, Steve Rimpici's range of voices for this story was fantastic. While Braineater Jones' gruff private-eye voice dominated much of the story, that was fine by me. Maybe you remember Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valiant in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'. That stalky, tough-as-nails, broken-glass-as-chewing-gum kind of voice is, dare I say, trumped by Rimpici's gravelly delivery as Braineater Jones.
Overall, the audiobook was a wholly entertaining experience with tremendous voice-acting that lifts up what few shortcomings may come from a story that involves so much genre mashing.
Jones is a zombie, and he's pretty sure that's a recent development despite suffering from amnesia. With foul play involved, he embarks to solve his own murder, taking on a zombified severed head named Alcibe as his sidekick.
Alcibe the talking zombie head kind of stole the show in a lot of scenes in which he was featured. From the get-go as he introduced himself to Braineater Jones and demonstrated his tenaciousness to escape his prison of a jar by basically wobbling about on his neck stump, I was pretty much on board with Alcibe. and credit to Steve Rimpici for great voice work, as well. Loved it.
Aside from Alcibe, Steve Rimpici's range of voices for this story was fantastic. While Braineater Jones' gruff private-eye voice dominated much of the story, that was fine by me. Maybe you remember Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valiant in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'. That stalky, tough-as-nails, broken-glass-as-chewing-gum kind of voice is, dare I say, trumped by Rimpici's gravelly delivery as Braineater Jones.
Overall, the audiobook was a wholly entertaining experience with tremendous voice-acting that lifts up what few shortcomings may come from a story that involves so much genre mashing.
March 7, 2014
I really enjoyed this story, Stephen Kozeniewski is a fabulous writer with a unique perspective on the mind of the undead. I was hooked from the first line "I woke up dead this morning." the story is witty, catchy and extremely hard to put down.
Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life, now he must also solve his own murder.
But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.
I really enjoyed the diary style of the story it gave it a different and unique feel. I have always been a hudge fan of Zombie stories but this one takes the cake, it is in a class all on its own! Stephen Kozeniewski did a wonderful job with this one and I would highly recommend it! TBR it today!
Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life, now he must also solve his own murder.
But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.
I really enjoyed the diary style of the story it gave it a different and unique feel. I have always been a hudge fan of Zombie stories but this one takes the cake, it is in a class all on its own! Stephen Kozeniewski did a wonderful job with this one and I would highly recommend it! TBR it today!
October 3, 2014
So, Noir may not be my thing. I generally enjoyed this book but it wasn't something I felt the need to devour. It has the added elements of zombies, not a favorite but not something I loathe. This book turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. Extremely creative concept, who who would have thought to combine the two genres?
Braineater is a very likeable fellow, for a zombie. I really enjoyed his narrative, terrific engaging character. I found myself routing for him all the way. Who can resist a tough guy detective?
This book has that AMC feel to it, felt like I was reading a James Cagney movie! I love the whole atmosphere. Not my favorite era, but very entertaining. Definitely not a happy time to be a lady, I probably would have decked somebody! But other than that, and I was warned by the author, all was good.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Steve Rimpici, who really fits the book. He has a great voice for noir, just the right old-timey feel. I loved the pace of the read, it really moved through the whole book, both action and descriptive sections. I would definitely look into more of his reads. I wonder if he has any romances out there? His voice has just enough rasp to make it smexy!
The mystery was intriguing, even if it did not go the way I expected. I did not hate the twist, just felt it was a bit left field. All things considered Mr Kozeniewski penned a pretty great book and chose the perfect narrator to bring it to life!
Disclosure - I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts, opinions and ratings are my own.
Braineater is a very likeable fellow, for a zombie. I really enjoyed his narrative, terrific engaging character. I found myself routing for him all the way. Who can resist a tough guy detective?
This book has that AMC feel to it, felt like I was reading a James Cagney movie! I love the whole atmosphere. Not my favorite era, but very entertaining. Definitely not a happy time to be a lady, I probably would have decked somebody! But other than that, and I was warned by the author, all was good.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Steve Rimpici, who really fits the book. He has a great voice for noir, just the right old-timey feel. I loved the pace of the read, it really moved through the whole book, both action and descriptive sections. I would definitely look into more of his reads. I wonder if he has any romances out there? His voice has just enough rasp to make it smexy!
The mystery was intriguing, even if it did not go the way I expected. I did not hate the twist, just felt it was a bit left field. All things considered Mr Kozeniewski penned a pretty great book and chose the perfect narrator to bring it to life!
Disclosure - I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts, opinions and ratings are my own.
November 24, 2015
(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)
Writing a genre thriller is already a risky thing to get right, but doubly so when one attempts to write it in a winking, jokey style; take Steve Kozeniewski's Braineater Jones, for example, which is essentially a zombie story told in the style of a pulpy detective noir, with our Sam Spade stand-in being a freshly reanimated corpse and the book consisting of his hardboiled, wisecracking attempts to figure out what happened to him, which certainly gets a thumbs-up just for ambition. But like I've said here before, hardboiled detective tales are one of the most overused, tired genres for a person to even write in anymore in the 2010s, with zombie stories getting dangerously close to being this way as well; and instead of being a delightful new hybrid of the two like Kozeniewski clearly intended, Braineater Jones is unfortunately a stale hash of the worst of both these genres, with such easily recognizable beats that I could literally guess the next developments in the story in real time as I was reading each chapter. While Kozeniewski should certainly be applauded for putting in the effort, the lackluster results sadly leave a lot to be desired.
Out of 10: 7.0
Writing a genre thriller is already a risky thing to get right, but doubly so when one attempts to write it in a winking, jokey style; take Steve Kozeniewski's Braineater Jones, for example, which is essentially a zombie story told in the style of a pulpy detective noir, with our Sam Spade stand-in being a freshly reanimated corpse and the book consisting of his hardboiled, wisecracking attempts to figure out what happened to him, which certainly gets a thumbs-up just for ambition. But like I've said here before, hardboiled detective tales are one of the most overused, tired genres for a person to even write in anymore in the 2010s, with zombie stories getting dangerously close to being this way as well; and instead of being a delightful new hybrid of the two like Kozeniewski clearly intended, Braineater Jones is unfortunately a stale hash of the worst of both these genres, with such easily recognizable beats that I could literally guess the next developments in the story in real time as I was reading each chapter. While Kozeniewski should certainly be applauded for putting in the effort, the lackluster results sadly leave a lot to be desired.
Out of 10: 7.0
October 6, 2016
I received this book for free for an honest review. It's happened before, and usually I dread it because the books are horrible. Luckily, this was far from the case with Braineater Jones.
Let's start off by saying this isn't a typical zombie book. The genre has been done to death (pun intended). These zombies talk, feel, have a community, and solve mysteries. This is really very much a private dick/noir story and the detective just happens to be a zombie. It's a fresh take on zombies and is fun even if you aren't into horror.
The narrator was perfect for this book. It felt like a noir film for the ears. No one could have done a better job to capture the ambiance of the time the story took place (1935). The reading was nostalgic without feeling gimmicky. I pray for sequels with the same narrator.
I know this review doesn't do much in the way or explaining the story, and I apologize. I'm just afraid I'll give something away, and I would be very upset if someone spoiled such a fun little book for me. And this book was so much fun. I hope you enjoy it as well.
Let's start off by saying this isn't a typical zombie book. The genre has been done to death (pun intended). These zombies talk, feel, have a community, and solve mysteries. This is really very much a private dick/noir story and the detective just happens to be a zombie. It's a fresh take on zombies and is fun even if you aren't into horror.
The narrator was perfect for this book. It felt like a noir film for the ears. No one could have done a better job to capture the ambiance of the time the story took place (1935). The reading was nostalgic without feeling gimmicky. I pray for sequels with the same narrator.
I know this review doesn't do much in the way or explaining the story, and I apologize. I'm just afraid I'll give something away, and I would be very upset if someone spoiled such a fun little book for me. And this book was so much fun. I hope you enjoy it as well.
October 21, 2016
Thanks to the author for providing me with a copy of the audio version.
Initially when the HA group was offering copies from the author I didn't add my name because, frankly, even though I'm a big fan of noir I'm pretty much done with zombies. But when the author made additional copies available I figured I would give it a try. Surprisingly it was the zombie aspects that made this interesting, the noir angle has twists but was really pretty standard fare. I liked that the author set the story during prohibition and then made alcohol a critical part of zombie survival. But my favorite part was the mix and match body parts and I loved when Jones ends up with a zombie head for a partner(he even duct tapes it to his shoulder for a time). For the most part, the narrator does a really good job with the voices although a couple voices sounded too cartoonish for my tastes.
A pretty good story and if the author builds on the zombie aspects I would read another book in the world.
6/10
Initially when the HA group was offering copies from the author I didn't add my name because, frankly, even though I'm a big fan of noir I'm pretty much done with zombies. But when the author made additional copies available I figured I would give it a try. Surprisingly it was the zombie aspects that made this interesting, the noir angle has twists but was really pretty standard fare. I liked that the author set the story during prohibition and then made alcohol a critical part of zombie survival. But my favorite part was the mix and match body parts and I loved when Jones ends up with a zombie head for a partner(he even duct tapes it to his shoulder for a time). For the most part, the narrator does a really good job with the voices although a couple voices sounded too cartoonish for my tastes.
A pretty good story and if the author builds on the zombie aspects I would read another book in the world.
6/10
November 18, 2016
*Thanks to Stephen Kozeniewski and horror aficionados for providing a copy of the audiobook in exchange for an honest review*
Braineater Jones is about a zombie with amnesia, who desperately wants to find the person that murdered him.
It features a sarcastic private investigator, a big time boss who happens to be a fetus in a pickle jar, undead prostitutes that can switch body parts, talking heads, and so much more.
I didn't expect to like this book, but I was completely blown away by how entertaining it was, and by the narrator's amazing portrayal of the characters. I definitely recommend this audiobook to anyone who wants to listen to an original twist on zombies.
Braineater Jones is about a zombie with amnesia, who desperately wants to find the person that murdered him.
It features a sarcastic private investigator, a big time boss who happens to be a fetus in a pickle jar, undead prostitutes that can switch body parts, talking heads, and so much more.
I didn't expect to like this book, but I was completely blown away by how entertaining it was, and by the narrator's amazing portrayal of the characters. I definitely recommend this audiobook to anyone who wants to listen to an original twist on zombies.
May 6, 2018
A decidedly different take on a "zombie" novel. I really like Stephen K's sense on humor that comes through in the characters of the books of his I've read so far. If you like your horror novels with a very unique spin on the genre, do yourself a favor and check this author out.
October 13, 2016
4.75. Audiobook. This was so much fun!
More review to come...
More review to come...
January 13, 2014
Braineater Jones introduces the reader to the eponymous character while he floats face down in a swimming pool with the dawning realization that he has been shot and worse yet, has died from his injury. Not having a clue what happened to him, he realizes that he is in a mansion and does a quick search, finding a few clues to his possible existence.
Fleeing from a couple of men who he believes have returned to the scene of their crime, this newly created zombie finds himself in the Welcome Mat part of the town of Ganesh, or The Mat as everyone calls it. It is the hangout of deadheads and deadbeats alike-a place where the trolley cars don’t go and where the police don’t show up when a crime has been committed. With no memory, Braineater stumbles across a few other deadheads who are willing to help him, or at least set him up with alcohol, which is the only thing that keeps the sriffs from becoming true brain eaters. If they pickle their brains in booze, they don’t turn into the monsters we all know and love. With the help of a ‘sponsor’ who goes by the name of Lazar, the narrator dubs himself Braineater Jones and offers up his services as a Private Investigator. And if he does a few jobs here and there for Lazar, he’ll have enough booze to keep his brain moving and his unlife going forward and at the same time he can try and figure out who the hell he once was, before he was plugged and dumped in the pool.
Braineater has plenty of questions, and the fact that his memories aren’t coming back to him like the eventually do with the rest of the undead is pretty suspicious. With the help of a partner who is nothing more than a dead head with no body and despite plenty of other stiffs trying to stop him, including a hot (or rather cold) dame who spells trouble from the get go, he’ll get to the bottom of the mystery, even if he does end up double-dog dead for his troubles.
Braineater Jones is a pulpy noir mystery novel set in the back alleys of a strange city a few years prior to World War II, with all the slang and classic detective set ups you could ever want…with the added tidbit that the main character is dead. Braineater is a wise guy through and through, and while many of the other characters are also dead, they could fit perfectly into a classic mold of a Raymond Chandler or Dashiell Hammett hard-boiled novel.
This is an interesting cross-genre tale that gives zombies some interesting slants. The author makes the main character as clueless as we are as to why he is up and walking around and makes him explore the reasons for that through his detective work, which allows us to learn as we go. There are hints to voodoo being the culprit, though Braineater’s fixation is on why he has come back and less on why there is a community of the undead as a whole. There are plenty of twists and turns to keep things interesting and a setup for a potential series of books. The zombie purist may not appreciate the liberties the author took with his depiction of the undead, though fans looking for a creative take on the classic zombie setup should appreciate how different the world of Braineater is and how entertaining both he and the rogues gallery of characters are in this story. This was a fun, easy read that made me smile and also had me rooting for a zombie, which isn’t something I do very often.
Fleeing from a couple of men who he believes have returned to the scene of their crime, this newly created zombie finds himself in the Welcome Mat part of the town of Ganesh, or The Mat as everyone calls it. It is the hangout of deadheads and deadbeats alike-a place where the trolley cars don’t go and where the police don’t show up when a crime has been committed. With no memory, Braineater stumbles across a few other deadheads who are willing to help him, or at least set him up with alcohol, which is the only thing that keeps the sriffs from becoming true brain eaters. If they pickle their brains in booze, they don’t turn into the monsters we all know and love. With the help of a ‘sponsor’ who goes by the name of Lazar, the narrator dubs himself Braineater Jones and offers up his services as a Private Investigator. And if he does a few jobs here and there for Lazar, he’ll have enough booze to keep his brain moving and his unlife going forward and at the same time he can try and figure out who the hell he once was, before he was plugged and dumped in the pool.
Braineater has plenty of questions, and the fact that his memories aren’t coming back to him like the eventually do with the rest of the undead is pretty suspicious. With the help of a partner who is nothing more than a dead head with no body and despite plenty of other stiffs trying to stop him, including a hot (or rather cold) dame who spells trouble from the get go, he’ll get to the bottom of the mystery, even if he does end up double-dog dead for his troubles.
Braineater Jones is a pulpy noir mystery novel set in the back alleys of a strange city a few years prior to World War II, with all the slang and classic detective set ups you could ever want…with the added tidbit that the main character is dead. Braineater is a wise guy through and through, and while many of the other characters are also dead, they could fit perfectly into a classic mold of a Raymond Chandler or Dashiell Hammett hard-boiled novel.
This is an interesting cross-genre tale that gives zombies some interesting slants. The author makes the main character as clueless as we are as to why he is up and walking around and makes him explore the reasons for that through his detective work, which allows us to learn as we go. There are hints to voodoo being the culprit, though Braineater’s fixation is on why he has come back and less on why there is a community of the undead as a whole. There are plenty of twists and turns to keep things interesting and a setup for a potential series of books. The zombie purist may not appreciate the liberties the author took with his depiction of the undead, though fans looking for a creative take on the classic zombie setup should appreciate how different the world of Braineater is and how entertaining both he and the rogues gallery of characters are in this story. This was a fun, easy read that made me smile and also had me rooting for a zombie, which isn’t something I do very often.
October 22, 2013
This story is narrated by Braineater Jones, we get to see his undead life through his eyes as we join him on his mission to find answers to his growing list of questions. Who is he? Who murdered him and why? Kozeniewski has invented his own brand of zombies in this story. There is no explaining who will reanimate after death and who will not. To keep their undead selves functioning and their “brain wheels” turning they must have liquor. This is a real problem during Prohibition since without alcohol they will turn into a true brain eating zombie.
Jones becomes a private eye of sorts for the undead community as he works his way through mysteries of his own undead life. I enjoyed reading the author’s noir style of storytelling. Here is a sample of Kozeniewski’s writing when a client comes through Jones’s door.
It was a dame of course. She had legs up to her eyeballs. Literally. She was carrying a pair of legs, one over each shoulder… “Pawn shop’s downstairs. Not sure if they take drumsticks but never hurts to check.” “I’m here for you, Mr. Jones,” she said… She threw the getaway sticks down on my desk. The toes were clenching, and the feet kept arching and flattening…Her brother was still controlling his legs remotely, kicking to let her know he was still alive. Undead. Whatever. It was a signal, a distress call, an S-O-S by L-E-G.
The plot has a good pace and the storylines intertwine into a complex web of deceit, fantastical probabilities, and a touch of sci-fi. The scenes are well depicted and the characters are unique and unlike any I have met before. This was a creative story that will draw you in and keep you guessing. If you like noir detective stories you will likely enjoy this story despite the zombie theme. I found it entertaining and hope Braineater Jones can keep himself from decomposing long enough to make this a long series.
FYI: Stephen Kozeniewski places this warning at the beginning of his story. “This book contains the sort of racist, sexist, and bigoted characters that were commonplace to the era in which it takes place.” It also contains other adult language that may be offensive to some.
There is a glossary at the end of the book for the slang and jargon used from the 1930s, which I appreciated because I really didn’t have a clue what ginchy meant.
Format/Typo Issues: I found no significant errors
**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy.** October 14, 2013
Jones becomes a private eye of sorts for the undead community as he works his way through mysteries of his own undead life. I enjoyed reading the author’s noir style of storytelling. Here is a sample of Kozeniewski’s writing when a client comes through Jones’s door.
It was a dame of course. She had legs up to her eyeballs. Literally. She was carrying a pair of legs, one over each shoulder… “Pawn shop’s downstairs. Not sure if they take drumsticks but never hurts to check.” “I’m here for you, Mr. Jones,” she said… She threw the getaway sticks down on my desk. The toes were clenching, and the feet kept arching and flattening…Her brother was still controlling his legs remotely, kicking to let her know he was still alive. Undead. Whatever. It was a signal, a distress call, an S-O-S by L-E-G.
The plot has a good pace and the storylines intertwine into a complex web of deceit, fantastical probabilities, and a touch of sci-fi. The scenes are well depicted and the characters are unique and unlike any I have met before. This was a creative story that will draw you in and keep you guessing. If you like noir detective stories you will likely enjoy this story despite the zombie theme. I found it entertaining and hope Braineater Jones can keep himself from decomposing long enough to make this a long series.
FYI: Stephen Kozeniewski places this warning at the beginning of his story. “This book contains the sort of racist, sexist, and bigoted characters that were commonplace to the era in which it takes place.” It also contains other adult language that may be offensive to some.
There is a glossary at the end of the book for the slang and jargon used from the 1930s, which I appreciated because I really didn’t have a clue what ginchy meant.
Format/Typo Issues: I found no significant errors
**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy.** October 14, 2013
April 21, 2014
A guy wakes up floating facedown in a swimming pool with no memory of who he is, where he is, how he died and a number of other questions. Now a zombie, he has to quench his hunger for human flesh with booze that can only be obtained in the only speakeasy in Ganesh City. He gets acquainted with a few people there and starts his own investigation.
The book starts off as a cross between a zombie novel and a detective story spiced with humor. The combination of these makes Braineater Jones a funny, well-structured read where the mystery is not revealed until the very end, and the readers are kept in the unknown craving for more.
I loved the way Jones tried to figure out who he was, especially when he and Alcibé—nothing but a severed talking head—worked together when solving mysteries.
Braineater Jones was a really fun read. I didn’t know what to expect when I started the book, but it turned out to be well-written, original and witty.
Thanks a lot to Stephen Kozeniewski and Red Adept Publishing for providing me with a review copy of this book.
The book starts off as a cross between a zombie novel and a detective story spiced with humor. The combination of these makes Braineater Jones a funny, well-structured read where the mystery is not revealed until the very end, and the readers are kept in the unknown craving for more.
I loved the way Jones tried to figure out who he was, especially when he and Alcibé—nothing but a severed talking head—worked together when solving mysteries.
Braineater Jones was a really fun read. I didn’t know what to expect when I started the book, but it turned out to be well-written, original and witty.
Thanks a lot to Stephen Kozeniewski and Red Adept Publishing for providing me with a review copy of this book.
February 15, 2014
Jumbees, dames and a talking head
This is NOT the tale I expected.
It is 1934 and Braineater Jones "wakes" up face down in a swimming pool. He has no memory of his previous life or how he became one of the undead.
The undead live in the bad part of town, don't immediately become eaters of the breathers and still want a sex life (ewww).
I loved the strong characterization, the pulpish cover of the book, the many differences from a classic zombie story.
There are many moments that triggered my gag reflex and lots of humor.
If you want unusual, try out author Kozeniewski's defining book on zombies.
NOTE: I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
This is NOT the tale I expected.
It is 1934 and Braineater Jones "wakes" up face down in a swimming pool. He has no memory of his previous life or how he became one of the undead.
The undead live in the bad part of town, don't immediately become eaters of the breathers and still want a sex life (ewww).
I loved the strong characterization, the pulpish cover of the book, the many differences from a classic zombie story.
There are many moments that triggered my gag reflex and lots of humor.
If you want unusual, try out author Kozeniewski's defining book on zombies.
NOTE: I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
November 7, 2016
3.5 stars and a whole bunch of fun.
The best part of noir is often the humor, and that is the case here as I had quite a few laugh-out-loud moments. The the narrator of the audiobook, Steve Rimpici, is amazing. Imaginative plot, smooth writing, and incredible voice narration make Braineater Jones a blast.
I ended up picking up the ebook on this as well because some of these passages and events need to be reread and savored. Good stuff and I will definitely look for more from this author.
****I was provided a free copy of the audiobook (bought the ebook myself) for a fair and honest reveiw, and this is it****
The best part of noir is often the humor, and that is the case here as I had quite a few laugh-out-loud moments. The the narrator of the audiobook, Steve Rimpici, is amazing. Imaginative plot, smooth writing, and incredible voice narration make Braineater Jones a blast.
I ended up picking up the ebook on this as well because some of these passages and events need to be reread and savored. Good stuff and I will definitely look for more from this author.
****I was provided a free copy of the audiobook (bought the ebook myself) for a fair and honest reveiw, and this is it****
February 19, 2017
Not my typical genre, but I met Stephen on Facebook and his book intrigued me so I gave it a go. It's a very new, fresh take on zombie fiction -- namely, the main character is a private detective and the story is set in a Prohibition-era Chicago city. The MC's first task, once he wakes up as one of the undead, is to discover who murdered him. His second task? Avoid losing his mind. Wildly inventive and funny to boot. If you like weird stuff, or noir mystery, you'll probably like this book.
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