Stuff That Sucks: A Teen's Guide to Accepting What You Can't Change and Committing to What You Can

by Ben Sedley

Sometimes everything sucks. This unique, illustrated guide will help you move past negative thoughts and feelings and discover what truly matters to you. If you struggle with negative thoughts and emotions, you should know that your pain is real. No one should try to diminish it. Sometimes stuff really does suck and we have to acknowledge it. Worry, sadness, loneliness, anger, and shame are big and important, but they can also get in the way of what really matters. What if, instead of fighting your pain, you realized what really matters to you—and put those things first in life? If you did that, maybe your pain wouldn’t feel so big anymore. Isn’t it worth a try? Stuff That Sucks offers a compassionate and validating guide to accepting emotions, rather than struggling against them. With this book as your guide, you’ll learn to prioritize your thoughts, feelings, and values. You’ll figure out what you care about the most, and then start caring some more! The skills you’ll learn are based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Yes, there are a few written exercises, but this isn’t a workbook. It’s a journey into the stuff that sucks, what makes that sucky stuff suck even more, and how just a few moments each day with the stuff that matters will ultimately transform the stuff that sucks into stuff that is just stuff. Make sense? Maybe you want to be more creative? Or maybe you simply want to do better in school or be a better friend? This book will show you how to focus on what you really care about, so that all that other sucky stuff doesn’t seem so, well, sucky anymore.

Genres: Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Parenting, Childrens, Counselling

96 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2015

About the author

Ben Sedley is an experienced clinical psychologist using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for twenty years in both primary health centres and community mental health teams in New Zealand and London, working with adults, as well as children, adolescents and families facing mental health difficulties. Currently, Ben works in private practice and is co-founder of ACT Wellington.

He is also the father of three wonderful noisy kids and loves The Ramones and The Clash

Reviews

[❄️✨ Kat ✨❄️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this book, because it was obviously written for teens, and the language was just not keeping my interest, but I do think from what I did read that this should be read by teens who are dealing with shame, guilt, worry, sadness, or any other issue in their life. It explains to teens that it is okay to feel the way that you are feeling in a society that tells you it's not okay to have feelings. You really don't have to be happy all the time, but it is necessary to learn how to handle emotions so nothing irrational happens on account of them. This book also helps with that, and discusses ways to overcome the internal issues you have.

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am grateful to have won this in a Goodreads Giveaway. This guide is very useful and an excellent resource, so I am very happy to add it to the collection at the library I work at.

For starters, I'd like to say that I feel like this book is very relevant to me and would have made an excellent resource for my family when I was growing up. I intend to share this book with my mother in hopes she'll read it too. Although we are both adults and this book is geared toward teens, I believe this book provides very helpful strategies for anyone over age 14.

I appreciate the briefness to this book and it's amazing organization. You can read it in segments or sit down and experience the entire teaching at once. In order to directly use the book's strategies, I would suggest reading it in segments over the course of a week or two. The illustrations are vital, in my opinion, to holding a teen's attention and making the book embody itself as help, as opposed to lecture. The flow is excellent, one could not expect better organization. Even the small chapter chunks and subheadings/sections help present the text more as useful than boring. It keeps you reading and you're happy to keep reading.

As tough feelings are discussed, you may find yourself thinking "negatively", but, using the advice of the book, accept your thoughts and feelings and then continue to strive to meet your goals and keep on reading! The book manages not to dwell on the bad even while discussing it. The illustrations also provide an excellent way to relate to the various feelings discussed and how thoughts present themselves. If you're a fan of the movie, Inside Out, you'll be a fan of this book. The text itself is also very descriptive and provides excellent visuals for your mind.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book, even if I'm not the designated age range.

[MaWhit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) for teens.

[Peran Reynolds · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simply written, but despite that, it really made me think deeply about how it can help me, I related to it a whole lot, and had me repeating lines to my partner a few times, who recommended this self-help book a while back.

[Ro Weena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one the best books I've read in last year. Full of compassion, really down to earth human connective compassion. The fact it's got pictures and not necessarily aimed at my age group doesn't lessen the wisdom within, actually it makes it more of a bonus because it's compact and easily to read. And it makes me very happy indeed. Thanks to Dr Ben Sedley for making something so real, that cuts through the crap and resonates! X

I'd love to see this work animated one day. It'd be such a beautiful project.

Add 'stuff that sucks' to your reading list. Bacause it really doesn't (suck). Buy, borrow (but don't steal) a copy.

Exert:
"Imagine if you met someone sitting at a train station who told everyone how great it is to go West. ‘West is the way of the future,’ he says, ‘we should all keep moving in that direction.’ A year later you pass the same station and the same guy is there, in the exact same spot, still telling everyone they should go West. ‘You need to move West to achieve a meaningful life,’ he proclaims, ‘it is the path to happiness and satisfaction.’
A year later you pass the same station and the guy is still there. Right there. He hasn’t moved one inch in a westerly direction. This time you stop and ask him why he is such a big fan of going West, and he tells you about all the things he has read about the direction West, recommends some useful websites, and even shows you some pictures he has cut out of pamphlets, depicting things you will see if you go West. You ask him what is the best thing he has ever seen while travelling West, and he shakes his head.
‘I’ve never been any more West than here, too many bumps along the way. I’m waiting for them to fix up the track so it will be a smoother journey,’ he tells you. ‘But,’ he adds proudly, ‘I haven’t moved even one inch East in the past few years.’
How seriously would you take that man’s advice to go West? If West is the way to go, maybe it’s worth travelling over some bumps to make progress in that direction? Values are like compass directions. They’re meaningless unless you move. Saying that you really like going West doesn’t mean a whole lot if you don’t take at least a small step in that direction. That doesn’t mean it’s always going to be easy to move West or that you can move miles in that direction every day. Some days it feels like there are things pulling you in every direction or stopping you from moving at all. The blocks might be thoughts, feelings, memories, physiological sensations or other people and their rules. But it’s still worthwhile to move in the directions you care about even if sometimes you are only able to take tiny steps." (Stuff that Sucks, by Dr Ben Sedley p 50)

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

We learned about this from an autism therapeutic program Orry is in. He says they read excerpts from it and do some of the activities. It is grounded in ACT, which I’ve heard can be too complex for kids on the spectrum, but because it’s in this laidback, accessible book I think that any kid, spectrum or no, will get something out of it. We all have things that suck in our lives, and this book helps you change your mindset on the suckyness and deal with the moment.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It may be aimed at teenagers but I found it the perfect easy read to remind me what I already knew. Great book for everyone to read as it guides you in what to say or not to avoid triggering someone further. Having said that it also reminded me to try not to be triggered. Super short and super useful

[Alannah]

Great for teenagers, a really straightforward delivery of the concepts around feeling low, mechanisms that can cause this, and strategies to help. There should be multiple copies of this book in every school library

[Defne Deda · Rating 5 out of 5]

a book about ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) for teens. i wish someone told me to (maybe even forced me to) read this when i was 14. if you know a teenager who has a hard time dealing with emotions, i highly recommend this book.

[Lenny Husen · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Despite having the word "sucks" multiple times on every page, this is neither funny nor well-written. I imagined myself as a teen reading this. I was a truly depressed and sad young adult, and if this had been left around within my reach, I would have read it. I was big into self-help and wanting to change.
This isn't terrible and I do like that it attempts to teach mindfulness (meditation, focusing on the breath, gratitude, acceptance, non-judgment). It just doesn't do it well enough to be entertaining.
If I were a teen reading this, I would have been upset at the part where it says, "talk to your friends about what bothers you" because I tried that and lost all my friends because they didn't want a sad, depressed friend, no matter how loyal. I tried talking to a school counselor who refused to talk to me and gave me a help-line number. I tried calling the help-line but they were closed. I would have tried again but the same worthless school counselor came up to me in the hall and asked a question that upset me and made me feel my problems "weren't bad/serious enough." I tried talking to my siblings and my parents but they had their own concerns and didn't have any emotional bandwidth for mine. I tried talking to a teacher and he was nice enough but clearly uncomfortable.
Adults don't really know how to help kids. Often unsupportive adults are a big part of a teen's problem. Teachers can be as mean as peers, just more subtle about it.
I think this book would have been better if:
if it hadn't relied on the word "sucks" quite so much
if it had a sense of humour
if it had drawings that weren't totally uninteresting
if it had concrete and detailed examples of things that suck--real life examples (these are obviously not all my personal experience but I have personally met teens who had these problems): drive by shootings, family member molesting teen, boyfriend putting pressure on 14 year old girl to have sex, high school teacher hitting on student, being forced to be in gang, being forced by the gang to fight people the teen doesn't want to fight, being forced to steal, teen being told by peers that she's ugly and weird, bullying, teen unable to make friends, teen with abusive (physically, sexually and or emotionally) parents, teen with thoughts of suicide due low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, teen ostracized by a former friend or group of friends, bad grades, learning disabilities, physical disabilities, neuroatypical issues, death of close friend or family member or emotional support animal, teen getting kicked off the football team for sending a sext, and on and on and on, disfiguring acne, prejudice against fat teens, prejudice against minority group teen, teen feeling everyone else is better than they are, teen losing a student body election or being passed over for cheerleader or desired part in school play or other humiliating rejection.

My conclusion after reading this book (and I had to skim it just to get through it after awhile) was that I could do a much better job of writing a book like this.
But it is better than nothing.

[Devin Redmond · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are lots of feelings swirling around right now. Here at home with me and the people I love but also at school with people I also love and care about. A student teacher, practicing to be an educator, asked me for some book recommendations on books about self-regulation, and in my search, I found this one. Because it’s for teens, and because I hadn���t read it, I didn’t want to give it to him. I felt safer giving him picture books even though he does teach an upper grade class. But, after reading 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘚𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘴: 𝘈 𝘛𝘦𝘦𝘯’𝘴 𝘎𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘊𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘊𝘢𝘯 by Ben Sedley, I realized it would be a great read-aloud for 3rd grade +, as long as you read it in small doses (morning meeting) and maybe left out the parts about drinking or drugs for the littler kids, and maybe shortened/changed some of the words based on the age. You need to read it because it’s about more than this, but (too) simply, it’s about the stories we tell ourselves, figuring out what we value as an individual human and trying to work on this rather than what we can’t control, and then practicing mindfulness techniques to try to stay in the present, though I don’t think “mindfulness” is ever stated. Therapy, exercise, and fruits and veggies rather than junk food are also mentioned.⁣
To me, the book felt fast-paced, to the point, and honest and accessible. It might work for you or for someone you care about, including your classroom. It’s not a quick fix but it gives us a starting point.⁣
⁣
My favorite part: ⁣
1. Every emotion will pass (provided you don’t fight it.) < the fighting part is what I have to remember.⁣
2. Emotions mean you care.⁣
3. No one else (including your own mind) has the right to tell you how you should feel or how bad you should feel it or how long you should feel it.⁣

[Yen · Rating 4 out of 5]

reread April 2025
I randomly thought of this book in the middle of my very shitty morning. I got halfway through this small book on my commute, accepted my shit morning, and proceed to have a pretty good day

this is still a four star book for me (aka "I really like this") because the core concepts of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) meshes quite well with me and, as it's written for teens, the writing and explanations are really accessible.

On the flip side, readers of other age demographics may struggle or not relate to the examples given by Sedley. With a few changes to the phrases and examples, this could have been a very good general self-help and intro to ACT for all ages.

As it is, there are also instances where I wouldn't feel comfortable with a very young teen reading this alone - there are references to suicide, drugs, smoking and sex. A great read for mature young people and adults who want to utilise the techniques and tools or better understand these concepts.

[Kitty Stryker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is really good at doing the thing that it tries to do, which is learning how to sit with your feelings and also how to differentiate between things you can do something about and things you can’t. I really appreciate how it breaks it down into some easy exercises, and how it offers a little bit of anthropology and psychology to give a basis for the things that the author is talking about, but it’s not so intense that it feels like you’re getting a school lesson. I think I especially appreciated when the author told personal stories, because I think that is more relatable, and I wish there had been more of them! But I would recommend this book if you want want to give a preteen some tools to begin to understand their feelings, as well as how to name those feelings and how to let them exist without trying to force them to be something else.

[Cassluvsbooks ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars! Finished this book in one sitting, and it genuinely helped me to understand myself and my thoughts a little better. If you are struggling with acceptance and commitment to becoming the best version of yourself, then I'd definitely (at the very least) give this book a try! My mom got me this book after we had a loong heartfelt talk, and I really appreciate her for that, because this book definitely made me look at the world differently for the better. Thank you, mommy! I love you. 💕 Overall, I'd say that this book is worth a try for everybody! Obviously, like therapists, there are different psychiatrists for different people; if this authors advice doesn't work for you, that is totally okay! Try somebody else if that is the case. However, it worked for me.

[Ryan Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Book on ACT for Teens

I think this was a good way to lay out the concepts of ACT for young people. I think there is a small disconnect for me personally because I'm in my 40's and many of the metaphors don't work for me because I'm out of touch with how to talk to young people. Also, I thought the concepts were a little out of order (for my train of thought). But admittedly, I am not an expert in talking to teens, so my opinions come with a grain of salt. I read this to understand it before recommending it to my teenage son. I will recommend it, but I doubt he will read it...

[Joelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Based on my own rating scale, I'm giving this 5 stars because I will likely recommend this to other tween/teens (or at least their parents) who are struggling with feeling like life sucks. I'll have to see what my kids (almost 12 and 14) think of it, but they practically tore it out of my hands when they saw it, so I'm hoping for the best. It takes an honest tone and doesn't talk down to the reader and if you're not too cynical might be quite helpful. Most of it is stuff we've talked about (breathing, taking small steps toward things that matter), but I'm hoping hearing it again from another source will help it feel more helpful.

[Scharenjo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is easy to read and age-appropriate for mid-to-upper teenaged students to read and process by themselves. I would not give it to a tween or early teenager without having an adult check in with them as they are reading due to some language and hard subject matters. I was hoping to be able to pull some new tools out of it to help design a small group for middle school students. Unfortunately, this book didn't add any new tools to my professional toolbelt. However, I think the information is presented in an engaging style and may be helpful to teens just starting to develop coping skills.

[Natalie Kemp · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do not recommend this. It’s written at a 3rd grade level, but inappropriate for kids that young. I’d say >16 years would be the appropriate age. Lists things such as heavily drinking, being called a “slut”, life of the party, cutting, etc. I suppose that these could be things that middle schooler needs to hear to avoid using these as a coping mechanism. This book was just way off topic. Talking about anxiety by saying focus on the stuff that matters instead. Uses “sucks” & “stuff” to be relatable to teens, but seems hollow. Plus doesn’t mention yoga or mindfulness!! Only exercise at the very end. Does mention breathing.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ein kurzes, leicht zu lesendes Buch zu Selbsthilfe basierend auf ACT (Akzeptanz & Commitment Therapie) für Jugendliche.

Ich gehöre nicht zur Zielgruppe der Leser, daher kann ich nicht beurteilen, wie das Buch bei Jugendlichen ankommt. Die Übungen finde ich allerdings für jedes Alter interessant. Die Beschreibung sind insgesamt kurz und knackig gehalten, sodass ich mir das Buch auch gut für Erwachsene vorstellen kann, um das Wichtigste in relativ einfacher Sprache zu vermitteln - vorausgesetzt, man stört sich nicht an der direkten Ansprache per Du.

[Rachel Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was really great and well written for teens. It's not too technical or sounding like it's coming from a parent. It's very easy to read and uses language that is appropriate for adolescents. I also liked the lessons it teaches and dealing with the sucky parts of life because that's a necessary skill. My favorite idea was about the purple cow and it's something I still reference to this day.

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although targeted for teens, I believe this guide book can be helpful for readers of all ages struggling with anxiety. Focused on ACT, it gives a concise and brief intro to this therapy style. It’s very digestible and provides strategies to cope and deal with anxiety. I highly enjoyed the book and would revisit again in the future.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's a lot packed into this short little book! This is a great resource for kids who are feeling anxious or overwhelmed or depressed or just plain bad. Mental health is crucial to overall health and should not be stigmatized. This little book gives some very practical and doable suggestions for teens who are struggling and is written directly to them. I definitely recommend it!

[Sophie Crane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book very informative and helpful I would advise any person of any have to read this because we all go through stuff that sucks in life and this is a very easy read I do think and hope they have this book in schools I did first get it from a library to read but wanted a copy of my own so I can read it and refresh my mind when stuff sucks.

[Amanda Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does an excellent job of explaining why we can get trapped in our own minds and how and why acceptance and commitment therapy works. The author explains things in a unique way--it is easy to understand, but is not demeaning in any way. The books also gives great strategies that can be implemented to help with different situations.

[Andrew Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an invaluable book about how to deal with the adversity of growing up and of life in general. It is full of practical tips that can be put to use right away, and it is an easy read too interspersed with good humor that will appeal to young readers through to the young at heart.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I work with middle and high school kids and I really liked this book. This book is a great resource to share. It may help a student visualize abstract concepts and be able to use some of the strategies in the book.

[Virumque Libris · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who has had to deal with worry/stress/anxiety, which includes YOU. It does a great job of providing context for every day problems, while at the same time letting you know that you are not alone.

[rosie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn't expecting to read this very quickly but I downloaded it because it looked interesting and I love the message of it:

take small steps guys
move your body
breathe
love yourself and your emotions ❤

boring tho so I can't rate it well

[Sidnee Sawyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The memory of THAT THING you didn’t mean to do or mean to say, but somehow happened anyway. That person you never meant to be, but became… each time you try to do something different but end up doing or saying the same thing again. Shane can suck more than anything.”