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Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower
A game-changing model for giving effective feedback to peers, employees, or even your boss--without offending or demotivating.
How are you supposed to tell someone that they're not meeting expectations without crushing their spirit? Regular feedback, when delivered skillfully, can turn average performers into the hardest workers and stars into superstars. Yet many see it as an awkward Recent studies have revealed 37% of managers dread giving feedback, and 65% of employees wish their managers gave more feedback.
This trail-blazing new model eliminates the guesswork. Dr. Therese Huston, the founding director of the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, discovered that the key to being listened to is to listen. First, find out what kind of feedback an employee wants appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. If they crave one, they'll be more receptive once their need has been satisfied. Then Huston lays out counterintuitive strategies for delivering each type of feedback successfully,
Start by saying your good intentions out it may feel unnecessary, but it makes all the difference.Side with the person, not the a bad habit or behavior is probably less entrenched than you think.Give reports a chance to correct inaccurate they want an opportunity to talk more than they want you to be a good talker.
This handbook will make a once-stressful ordeal feel natural, and, by greasing the wheels of regular feedback conversations, help managers improve performance, trust, and mutual understanding.
How are you supposed to tell someone that they're not meeting expectations without crushing their spirit? Regular feedback, when delivered skillfully, can turn average performers into the hardest workers and stars into superstars. Yet many see it as an awkward Recent studies have revealed 37% of managers dread giving feedback, and 65% of employees wish their managers gave more feedback.
This trail-blazing new model eliminates the guesswork. Dr. Therese Huston, the founding director of the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, discovered that the key to being listened to is to listen. First, find out what kind of feedback an employee wants appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. If they crave one, they'll be more receptive once their need has been satisfied. Then Huston lays out counterintuitive strategies for delivering each type of feedback successfully,
Start by saying your good intentions out it may feel unnecessary, but it makes all the difference.Side with the person, not the a bad habit or behavior is probably less entrenched than you think.Give reports a chance to correct inaccurate they want an opportunity to talk more than they want you to be a good talker.
This handbook will make a once-stressful ordeal feel natural, and, by greasing the wheels of regular feedback conversations, help managers improve performance, trust, and mutual understanding.
Audible Audio
Published January 26, 2021
117 people are currently reading
1898 people want to read
About the author
Therese Huston
8 books54 followersTHERESE HUSTON, PH.D., is a cognitive scientist at Seattle University and the author of four books. Her latest book, "Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science," helps you make the most of the brain you've got. Whatever your age, we all want to be a little mentally sharper.
Therese received her BA from Carleton College and her MS and PhD in cognitive psychology from Carnegie Mellon University. She completed a post-doc in clinical cognitive neuroscience at the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition and she’s earned a postgraduate certificate in Organizational Leadership from the Said Business School at the University of Oxford.
In 2004, she founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University. Therese has also written for the New York Times and Harvard Business Review and "How Women Decide" was named a summer reading title by Oprah.com.
Therese gives talks and leads workshops on how to create more inclusive workplaces. Microsoft, Amazon, Nationwide, Morgan Stanley, the Cleveland Clinic, and TEDX have all asked Therese to give talks on creating more inclusive workplaces.
When she’s not writing or speaking, she loves to spend time with her charming and very bright husband and her adorable but not-very-bright Boston Terrier.
Therese received her BA from Carleton College and her MS and PhD in cognitive psychology from Carnegie Mellon University. She completed a post-doc in clinical cognitive neuroscience at the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition and she’s earned a postgraduate certificate in Organizational Leadership from the Said Business School at the University of Oxford.
In 2004, she founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University. Therese has also written for the New York Times and Harvard Business Review and "How Women Decide" was named a summer reading title by Oprah.com.
Therese gives talks and leads workshops on how to create more inclusive workplaces. Microsoft, Amazon, Nationwide, Morgan Stanley, the Cleveland Clinic, and TEDX have all asked Therese to give talks on creating more inclusive workplaces.
When she’s not writing or speaking, she loves to spend time with her charming and very bright husband and her adorable but not-very-bright Boston Terrier.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
October 25, 2021
Wow, what a great, practical book. I've actually read several books that discuss feedback, including Radical Candor a couple of years ago. It was good, but this is just so practical in so many ways. I took so many notes.
I particularly loved the part about "siding with the problem." It's so true that when we give feedback, we tend to focus on the problem, and not on the person overcoming the problem. I've seen that I do it, and I've seen it done to me. It does not feel good.
People usually say: "You should stop doing x," or "When you do x, this negative thing happens." Those are focusing on the problem. The person either already knows, and feels picked on, or disagrees and becomes defensive. If instead you say something like this you're siding with the person. "When you did x, it created an impression that others saw as ___. Do you have any ideas for how to avoid that?"
Other advice included stating your good intentions as you're giving feedback. It helps people not want to shoot the messenger.
Are you asking enough questions? You should be asking 9 questions in a 15 minute conversation.
I once had to have an awkward conversation with an employee. I wish I'd known about this framework:
1. "This is a little awkward to mention but…"
2. State my intent
3. State my observation
4. Possible impact on work
5. What are your thoughts?
I particularly loved the part about "siding with the problem." It's so true that when we give feedback, we tend to focus on the problem, and not on the person overcoming the problem. I've seen that I do it, and I've seen it done to me. It does not feel good.
People usually say: "You should stop doing x," or "When you do x, this negative thing happens." Those are focusing on the problem. The person either already knows, and feels picked on, or disagrees and becomes defensive. If instead you say something like this you're siding with the person. "When you did x, it created an impression that others saw as ___. Do you have any ideas for how to avoid that?"
Other advice included stating your good intentions as you're giving feedback. It helps people not want to shoot the messenger.
Are you asking enough questions? You should be asking 9 questions in a 15 minute conversation.
I once had to have an awkward conversation with an employee. I wish I'd known about this framework:
1. "This is a little awkward to mention but…"
2. State my intent
3. State my observation
4. Possible impact on work
5. What are your thoughts?
December 6, 2025
Update from 2nd read: Useful and helpful reading again a year later. I went back to check a few things and ended up reading the whole thing again.
Original Review
Business books don’t often make my 5-stars list, just because in part their content, while interesting and informative, generally isn’t something that changes me on a fundamental level (which is what a 5 star book has to do to me to get that fifth star).
But this book, while written for a business audience, is different—at heart feedback is about communication, and the way that we communicate with each other is a large part of what defines our humanity. This approach to feedback embraces the underlying humanity of the communicative act, all while acknowledging the constraints of a business dynamic relationship. It’s thoughtful, clear, and practical. I borrowed from the library and then bought because it’s one of those “oh, I’m going to need to go back to that again” books.
Key points:
1. Tailor your feedback to meet the specific needs of your employee—whether they require appreciation, coaching, or evaluation in that moment.
2. Approach feedback with a mindset that is flexible, compassionate, and forgiving.
3. Be upfront about your intentions, clearly expressing what you hope for them and acknowledging any concerns they may have.
4. Listen with empathy, focusing on their feelings and validating their experience, rather than jumping straight to critique.
5. Make sure to recognize and praise strengths, particularly those that uplift the whole team.
6. When offering constructive feedback, do so with a focus on growth, always in a private and respectful setting.
7. Regular check-ins help avoid surprises and create ongoing opportunities for dialogue.
And then, this may seem like a simple point, but it’s one that’s stuck with me—not just in giving feedback, but also in conversations with colleagues when trying to identify root causes of operational issues: avoid asking “why” and instead ask “what.” Questions like, “What is the real issue for you?” “What is the real challenge here for you?” and “What do you need to succeed from your perspective?” help get to the heart of the matter without making people defensive.
So, recommended for anyone who has to provide feedback to anyone in any situation for their entire lives. (Unless you’re a true hermit, this means you.)
Original Review
Business books don’t often make my 5-stars list, just because in part their content, while interesting and informative, generally isn’t something that changes me on a fundamental level (which is what a 5 star book has to do to me to get that fifth star).
But this book, while written for a business audience, is different—at heart feedback is about communication, and the way that we communicate with each other is a large part of what defines our humanity. This approach to feedback embraces the underlying humanity of the communicative act, all while acknowledging the constraints of a business dynamic relationship. It’s thoughtful, clear, and practical. I borrowed from the library and then bought because it’s one of those “oh, I’m going to need to go back to that again” books.
Key points:
1. Tailor your feedback to meet the specific needs of your employee—whether they require appreciation, coaching, or evaluation in that moment.
2. Approach feedback with a mindset that is flexible, compassionate, and forgiving.
3. Be upfront about your intentions, clearly expressing what you hope for them and acknowledging any concerns they may have.
4. Listen with empathy, focusing on their feelings and validating their experience, rather than jumping straight to critique.
5. Make sure to recognize and praise strengths, particularly those that uplift the whole team.
6. When offering constructive feedback, do so with a focus on growth, always in a private and respectful setting.
7. Regular check-ins help avoid surprises and create ongoing opportunities for dialogue.
And then, this may seem like a simple point, but it’s one that’s stuck with me—not just in giving feedback, but also in conversations with colleagues when trying to identify root causes of operational issues: avoid asking “why” and instead ask “what.” Questions like, “What is the real issue for you?” “What is the real challenge here for you?” and “What do you need to succeed from your perspective?” help get to the heart of the matter without making people defensive.
So, recommended for anyone who has to provide feedback to anyone in any situation for their entire lives. (Unless you’re a true hermit, this means you.)
January 27, 2021
I am a business school professor and the topic of feedback is always one students struggle with. This book is a gift, one I will be recommending to all of my students. It's a pep talk and tool kit all in one.
May 12, 2022
Avoiding scrupting feedback, siding with problem and assuming one's has fixed mindset.
Seems appreciation if small victories when they help is best and doesn't need to wait week later to not loose recognition.
Appreciation, Coaching, Evaluation.
Been reading sleep deprived, probably should re-read one more time:)
Definitely good summary if you're herding your team first time and some details which shouldn't be forgotten.
>When you regularly appreciate and encourage little victories, you'll find it easier to create a winning mentality in your organization.
>What’s critical to remember is that coaching should be something you do with all your employees, not just your favorites.
>When coaching and assessment collide, employees could mistake honest feedback for evaluation, and everyone loses.
>To get the best out of people, appreciate them more than criticizing them.
>Workers have the highest esteem for leaders who listen to things personal to them.
>When workers’ abilities are acknowledged weekly, they are less likely to leave
>It’s evident that it would be more enjoyable to receive applause than a negative response, which is why appreciation may improve performance.
≥People are inspired to work more when they know they’ll get recognized for their creativity and effort. Appreciation also helps because people are more receptive to coaching and direction if they’ve been complimented first. As a leader, it’ll be helpful to praise your employees twice as much.
>observed that asking many questions makes people like you more than asking a few questions.
>Coaching is a continuous process that starts with cooperation and concludes with communication when collaboration fails.
≥If you want to assist people in experiencing uplifting moments, make it a routine to ask at least one open, honest question.
>conjure high expectations and reassure the other person that you feel she is capable of meeting those standards.
>Carefully acknowledge the difficulties of a tough talk, express good intentions, vocalize your observations about others, convey your worries about the impact on their career, and finally ask their perspective.
Seems appreciation if small victories when they help is best and doesn't need to wait week later to not loose recognition.
Appreciation, Coaching, Evaluation.
Been reading sleep deprived, probably should re-read one more time:)
Definitely good summary if you're herding your team first time and some details which shouldn't be forgotten.
>When you regularly appreciate and encourage little victories, you'll find it easier to create a winning mentality in your organization.
>What’s critical to remember is that coaching should be something you do with all your employees, not just your favorites.
>When coaching and assessment collide, employees could mistake honest feedback for evaluation, and everyone loses.
>To get the best out of people, appreciate them more than criticizing them.
>Workers have the highest esteem for leaders who listen to things personal to them.
>When workers’ abilities are acknowledged weekly, they are less likely to leave
>It’s evident that it would be more enjoyable to receive applause than a negative response, which is why appreciation may improve performance.
≥People are inspired to work more when they know they’ll get recognized for their creativity and effort. Appreciation also helps because people are more receptive to coaching and direction if they’ve been complimented first. As a leader, it’ll be helpful to praise your employees twice as much.
>observed that asking many questions makes people like you more than asking a few questions.
>Coaching is a continuous process that starts with cooperation and concludes with communication when collaboration fails.
≥If you want to assist people in experiencing uplifting moments, make it a routine to ask at least one open, honest question.
>conjure high expectations and reassure the other person that you feel she is capable of meeting those standards.
>Carefully acknowledge the difficulties of a tough talk, express good intentions, vocalize your observations about others, convey your worries about the impact on their career, and finally ask their perspective.
May 2, 2021
Become the leader you wish you had!
1. Intent = (Integrity × Clear thinking) ÷ Selfishness
2. The true leader creates more leaders not followers
3. In challenging times, we do differentiate among leader, actor, communicator, coordinator, pusher, doer, and fucker:v
4. How and When to say is more important than What to say
5. The problem is that we evaluate the messenger much more than the message
6. Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge
1. Intent = (Integrity × Clear thinking) ÷ Selfishness
2. The true leader creates more leaders not followers
3. In challenging times, we do differentiate among leader, actor, communicator, coordinator, pusher, doer, and fucker:v
4. How and When to say is more important than What to say
5. The problem is that we evaluate the messenger much more than the message
6. Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge
June 9, 2021
Wow! 4.5 stars and definitely worth the time! This is one of those every manager should read books!
May 26, 2024
Pretty damn good at feedback and management - however was a slow read because I had to think, reflect, take notes etc. but I feel better equipped on managing people after the read. Now it’s all about practise!
July 30, 2025
One of the best books I’ve read on how to give feedback. Super actionable and example oriented.
May 12, 2025
Absolutely loved it!
February 6, 2021
Book: "Let's Talk" by Therese Huston
Genre: Non-Fiction, Human Resources/Communication
Rating: 4/5 Stars
Blogger's Note: Thank you to the publisher for the gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
In a world filled with the constant blur of rushed communication, the ping of electronic correspondence and the static of conversations that lack real connection, people often miss out on valuable conversations. Dr. Therese Huston has realized this problem and authored a book entitled, "Let's Talk" which addresses the need to improve this communication within the workplace. In the non fiction book, Huston focuses on valuable feedback and the different delivery models that can be used to present it to subordinates within the workplace. She expertly outlines the common missteps that managers can fall prey to and then provides tangible research based strategies on how to avoid these common feedback pitfalls.
This book does a great job of catering content towards managers or those working in a human resources department. People working in those capacities will find this book to be relevant, helpful and insightful. The book will fill in any knowledge gaps on the topic of feedback through the research based theory presentation. As a reader, I appreciated that the theories were supported by scientific studies which the author referenced. I enjoyed the specific statistics that reinforced her stance on the feedback theories. The material left me with a high level of confidence both in the author as well as in the information that she shared.
Some of the key points that stuck with me included the following:
1. Managers should always consider the worker's experience relating to the particular task before evaluating performance. If the person is a content novice, they should be given feedback in a different manner when compared to someone who has performed that particular task several times before.
2. Strong character judgements are not okay and will not be taken well, no matter how well intentioned they might be.
3. It is critical to ask the right questions and allow the worker to do most of the talking during a feedback session.
4. The concept of relative listening was one of the most important takeaways from the book. This idea highlights the importance of understanding how the other person is feeling, the meaning behind what they are saying, their motivation and their goals. This deeper understanding and form of listening is crucial in truly being able to provide accurate feedback.
These key points were illuminating and will stick with me for the rest of my career!
This book wasn't the perfect read. I did find a couple sections to be confusing at times with multiple scenarios involving different named characters. I had to continuously flip back to remind myself what situations those named characters had been in previously to remind myself what was going on with them before moving forward. It was a little difficult to keep up with. Also, in the middle of the book there was a section that focused on the differences between men and women and the feedback they commonly receive in the workplace. I found this section to be particularly troubling. As a leader within my workplace, I have never found it difficult to provide accurate feedback to a woman because I was afraid she might cry or become overly emotional as was mentioned in the book. As a woman myself, I found that section to be a little insulting. Is this really a valid concern in 2021? However, I do understand why this was added into the book. I think awareness of the topic is important and I will definitely be cognizant of providing feedback in a similar manner to both genders in the future... even if I did so before too.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book to anyone pursing a career in management or human relations! I enjoyed the read and will be keeping this book on my shelf to reference in the future! It was an easy to read, smart, science driven book that will hopefully improve my ability to serve others in the future by providing specific and detailed feedback!
Recommendations: Highly recommend to anyone who is a leader within their workplace!
Genre: Non-Fiction, Human Resources/Communication
Rating: 4/5 Stars
Blogger's Note: Thank you to the publisher for the gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
In a world filled with the constant blur of rushed communication, the ping of electronic correspondence and the static of conversations that lack real connection, people often miss out on valuable conversations. Dr. Therese Huston has realized this problem and authored a book entitled, "Let's Talk" which addresses the need to improve this communication within the workplace. In the non fiction book, Huston focuses on valuable feedback and the different delivery models that can be used to present it to subordinates within the workplace. She expertly outlines the common missteps that managers can fall prey to and then provides tangible research based strategies on how to avoid these common feedback pitfalls.
This book does a great job of catering content towards managers or those working in a human resources department. People working in those capacities will find this book to be relevant, helpful and insightful. The book will fill in any knowledge gaps on the topic of feedback through the research based theory presentation. As a reader, I appreciated that the theories were supported by scientific studies which the author referenced. I enjoyed the specific statistics that reinforced her stance on the feedback theories. The material left me with a high level of confidence both in the author as well as in the information that she shared.
Some of the key points that stuck with me included the following:
1. Managers should always consider the worker's experience relating to the particular task before evaluating performance. If the person is a content novice, they should be given feedback in a different manner when compared to someone who has performed that particular task several times before.
2. Strong character judgements are not okay and will not be taken well, no matter how well intentioned they might be.
3. It is critical to ask the right questions and allow the worker to do most of the talking during a feedback session.
4. The concept of relative listening was one of the most important takeaways from the book. This idea highlights the importance of understanding how the other person is feeling, the meaning behind what they are saying, their motivation and their goals. This deeper understanding and form of listening is crucial in truly being able to provide accurate feedback.
These key points were illuminating and will stick with me for the rest of my career!
This book wasn't the perfect read. I did find a couple sections to be confusing at times with multiple scenarios involving different named characters. I had to continuously flip back to remind myself what situations those named characters had been in previously to remind myself what was going on with them before moving forward. It was a little difficult to keep up with. Also, in the middle of the book there was a section that focused on the differences between men and women and the feedback they commonly receive in the workplace. I found this section to be particularly troubling. As a leader within my workplace, I have never found it difficult to provide accurate feedback to a woman because I was afraid she might cry or become overly emotional as was mentioned in the book. As a woman myself, I found that section to be a little insulting. Is this really a valid concern in 2021? However, I do understand why this was added into the book. I think awareness of the topic is important and I will definitely be cognizant of providing feedback in a similar manner to both genders in the future... even if I did so before too.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book to anyone pursing a career in management or human relations! I enjoyed the read and will be keeping this book on my shelf to reference in the future! It was an easy to read, smart, science driven book that will hopefully improve my ability to serve others in the future by providing specific and detailed feedback!
Recommendations: Highly recommend to anyone who is a leader within their workplace!
October 16, 2024
I was skeptical, but this book has great advice and is well presented
I listened to this book from my library using the Libby App - narration was good, and the writing was good - not academic like the book 'Difficult Conversations'. The book is packed with good information and advice on how to provide effective feedback. My take-aways:
In order to provide effective feedback:
Provide appreciation, coaching, and evaluation.
- acknowledge hard work
- let people provide their side of the story
-- People want a good listener more than a good talker.
Side with the person, not the problem, which means while the problem needs to be stated and addressed, the focus should (needs) to be on the person, not the problem.
Have a growth mindset - people can grow and change. Provide the feedback with a clear problem statement, get their side, and provide coaching.
5 signs that you are not sufficiently focused on the employee:
1. You don’t know the other persons goals
2. You don’t know what kind of feedback the other person is seeking (ask them – are they looking for: appreciation, coaching (advice designed to help the other person learn and grow), or evaluation (letting the other person know where they stand, if they are meeting expectations).
3. Other people can hear you.
4. You’re doing all the talking.
5. You don’t know how the other person sees the situation.
Ask ‘person focused’ questions in addition to task and team focused questions. Such as ‘what would you do to correct/improve this situation or fix this problem? What do you think went wrong or caused this situation? What challenges are you facing? How can I help you?’
Relational listening - seek to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask ‘what are you looking forward to?’ Then ’what are you worried about?’
You should provide meaningful praise to each employee once a week. Your ratio of praise to criticism ratio should be 5:1.
Ask what the person thinks are the strengths/best part of the work they did, and then what part is not what as good as they wanted it to be.
In general, managers need to ask more questions. Ask at least eight questions in a 15 minute one on one. Make sure at least some of them are relational. Ask leading questions to get the person to think about solutions, improvements, next steps.
Ask ‘what is the real challenge here for you?’
Avoid asking questions that start with ‘why’. Instead ask questions to start with ‘what’. Like 'what were you hoping would happen?'
I listened to this book from my library using the Libby App - narration was good, and the writing was good - not academic like the book 'Difficult Conversations'. The book is packed with good information and advice on how to provide effective feedback. My take-aways:
In order to provide effective feedback:
Provide appreciation, coaching, and evaluation.
- acknowledge hard work
- let people provide their side of the story
-- People want a good listener more than a good talker.
Side with the person, not the problem, which means while the problem needs to be stated and addressed, the focus should (needs) to be on the person, not the problem.
Have a growth mindset - people can grow and change. Provide the feedback with a clear problem statement, get their side, and provide coaching.
5 signs that you are not sufficiently focused on the employee:
1. You don’t know the other persons goals
2. You don’t know what kind of feedback the other person is seeking (ask them – are they looking for: appreciation, coaching (advice designed to help the other person learn and grow), or evaluation (letting the other person know where they stand, if they are meeting expectations).
3. Other people can hear you.
4. You’re doing all the talking.
5. You don’t know how the other person sees the situation.
Ask ‘person focused’ questions in addition to task and team focused questions. Such as ‘what would you do to correct/improve this situation or fix this problem? What do you think went wrong or caused this situation? What challenges are you facing? How can I help you?’
Relational listening - seek to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask ‘what are you looking forward to?’ Then ’what are you worried about?’
You should provide meaningful praise to each employee once a week. Your ratio of praise to criticism ratio should be 5:1.
Ask what the person thinks are the strengths/best part of the work they did, and then what part is not what as good as they wanted it to be.
In general, managers need to ask more questions. Ask at least eight questions in a 15 minute one on one. Make sure at least some of them are relational. Ask leading questions to get the person to think about solutions, improvements, next steps.
Ask ‘what is the real challenge here for you?’
Avoid asking questions that start with ‘why’. Instead ask questions to start with ‘what’. Like 'what were you hoping would happen?'
April 15, 2021
Thynquing Diphruntlie about FEEDBACK
As a lifelong teacher and member of the US military, I’ve lived on and with feedback. Want some that gets your attention just try on some from a drill sergeant from back in the 70s. To go along with that rather pointed immediate feedback on my performance at the time, I’ve also been on the giving and receiving end of feedback in a variety of school and leadership environments.
You would think that after 45 years of doing that I would have a solid understanding of the subject. But as I have gotten older, I have also learned to be open to the idea that there might be a different way to look at something. I challenge others to “convince me that I’m wrong” or that I’m not considering everything that I should.
Dr Huston’s book, “Let’s Talk. Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower,” takes and meets that challenge. She breaks feedback into three major blocks — appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. She also includes examples of practical application of her ideas. One reason the words ring true is that they reflect her own real life experiences rather than just a scholarly examination of the issues.
So, how good is the book? After I bought the book, I ordered three more copies — one for each of my sons and one to share. Thus far, every senior officer that I’ve shared the book with has commented that it is a great book and that they wished they had been able to read it back in the day. Several of those officers have followed my example and bought copies for their sons who are already commissioned officers in the military. If that isn’t endorsement enough to get you to take a look, then consider this challenge. Buy just one copy of the book and make your own decision. Frankly, I don’t believe you’re going to convince me I’m wrong on this one.
As a lifelong teacher and member of the US military, I’ve lived on and with feedback. Want some that gets your attention just try on some from a drill sergeant from back in the 70s. To go along with that rather pointed immediate feedback on my performance at the time, I’ve also been on the giving and receiving end of feedback in a variety of school and leadership environments.
You would think that after 45 years of doing that I would have a solid understanding of the subject. But as I have gotten older, I have also learned to be open to the idea that there might be a different way to look at something. I challenge others to “convince me that I’m wrong” or that I’m not considering everything that I should.
Dr Huston’s book, “Let’s Talk. Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower,” takes and meets that challenge. She breaks feedback into three major blocks — appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. She also includes examples of practical application of her ideas. One reason the words ring true is that they reflect her own real life experiences rather than just a scholarly examination of the issues.
So, how good is the book? After I bought the book, I ordered three more copies — one for each of my sons and one to share. Thus far, every senior officer that I’ve shared the book with has commented that it is a great book and that they wished they had been able to read it back in the day. Several of those officers have followed my example and bought copies for their sons who are already commissioned officers in the military. If that isn’t endorsement enough to get you to take a look, then consider this challenge. Buy just one copy of the book and make your own decision. Frankly, I don’t believe you’re going to convince me I’m wrong on this one.
April 26, 2021
Feedback is an important tool for motivation and evaluation, so it's important you get it right. When delivering feedback, make it clear that you're on the other person's side. Know what you're looking to get out of the conversation, and listen relationally to get the other person's side of the story.
Some key lessons I've learned from this book:
1) To give effective feedback, think about whether your employee needs appreciation, coaching, or evaluation.
2) When giving feedback, adopt a flexible, compassionate, and forgiving mindset.
3) Make your good intentions known by spelling out what you want for your employee and acknowledging her worries.
4) Listen relationally, not critically, and validate your employee's feelings.
5) Be generous with your praise, especially for we-strengths that lift up pa team.
6) Give negative feedback with a growth mindset and in a private setting.
7) To avoid surprises, check in with your employees regularly.
Here is actionable advice: Ask more, tell less.
One of the easiest ways to gain your employee's trust and confidence is to ask follow-up questions. Follow-up questions show you're engaged, and that you're thinking closely about what they've said. But stay away from questions that begin with Why. These tend to put people on the defensive. Instead, ask questions that begin with What. One great example is: "What's the real challenge here for you?" This question works well because it helps you get to the root of an issue and provide quality coaching.
Some key lessons I've learned from this book:
1) To give effective feedback, think about whether your employee needs appreciation, coaching, or evaluation.
2) When giving feedback, adopt a flexible, compassionate, and forgiving mindset.
3) Make your good intentions known by spelling out what you want for your employee and acknowledging her worries.
4) Listen relationally, not critically, and validate your employee's feelings.
5) Be generous with your praise, especially for we-strengths that lift up pa team.
6) Give negative feedback with a growth mindset and in a private setting.
7) To avoid surprises, check in with your employees regularly.
Here is actionable advice: Ask more, tell less.
One of the easiest ways to gain your employee's trust and confidence is to ask follow-up questions. Follow-up questions show you're engaged, and that you're thinking closely about what they've said. But stay away from questions that begin with Why. These tend to put people on the defensive. Instead, ask questions that begin with What. One great example is: "What's the real challenge here for you?" This question works well because it helps you get to the root of an issue and provide quality coaching.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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January 15, 2025I had a lot of expectations for this book, and sadly, it did not deliver.
The book features little"main takeaways" graphics at the end of each chapter and that's what it could basically limit itself to in my opinion.
Authors "explanation", examples and commentary probably work in the USA in a particular, patriarchal, top-down-illusion-of-control environments.
For me, coming from horizontal hierarchies, striving to teach my employees self leadership and coaching in ownership or both their work and personal development, "examples to follow" written in the book were hard to digest. It shows a vision of leadership based on micromanagement, total control and show how to use feedback for manipulation, assuming the manager always knows best and always is right. It was stomach churning and I would never strive for being a leader like that, and for my context I know I am doing right (and my employees evaluate me very very highly).
So, yeah, if you subscribe to '70's style leadership disguised in modern words and leadership of the future, go ahead and follow the examples.
Otherwise just stick to the little resumes at the end of the chapters, take them as reminders, and do the conversations your way.
The book features little"main takeaways" graphics at the end of each chapter and that's what it could basically limit itself to in my opinion.
Authors "explanation", examples and commentary probably work in the USA in a particular, patriarchal, top-down-illusion-of-control environments.
For me, coming from horizontal hierarchies, striving to teach my employees self leadership and coaching in ownership or both their work and personal development, "examples to follow" written in the book were hard to digest. It shows a vision of leadership based on micromanagement, total control and show how to use feedback for manipulation, assuming the manager always knows best and always is right. It was stomach churning and I would never strive for being a leader like that, and for my context I know I am doing right (and my employees evaluate me very very highly).
So, yeah, if you subscribe to '70's style leadership disguised in modern words and leadership of the future, go ahead and follow the examples.
Otherwise just stick to the little resumes at the end of the chapters, take them as reminders, and do the conversations your way.
February 19, 2021
Business always feels personal, but perhaps never more so than when it comes to feedback. Performance conversations are part of the fabric of work life and almost universally dreaded. But they don’t have to be.
Enter “Let’s Talk.” This book takes a conversational approach to making feedback work well for both parties - the giver and the receiver - whilst avoiding the common pitfalls of such books (namely, unrealistic frameworks or one-size-fits-all assumptions).
Bolstered by academic rigor, each chapter lays out the case for giving better feedback and offers practical approaches and tools for doing so. Replete with anecdotes and examples, a normally dry topic is brought to life in an eminently readable way.
As a specialist in workplace culture and communications, I have a high bar for books like this - but this one cleared it and then some. I look forward to recommending this book to friends and clients navigating the intimidating world of performance conversations.
Enter “Let’s Talk.” This book takes a conversational approach to making feedback work well for both parties - the giver and the receiver - whilst avoiding the common pitfalls of such books (namely, unrealistic frameworks or one-size-fits-all assumptions).
Bolstered by academic rigor, each chapter lays out the case for giving better feedback and offers practical approaches and tools for doing so. Replete with anecdotes and examples, a normally dry topic is brought to life in an eminently readable way.
As a specialist in workplace culture and communications, I have a high bar for books like this - but this one cleared it and then some. I look forward to recommending this book to friends and clients navigating the intimidating world of performance conversations.
March 20, 2023
Being in a leadership role, I am always looking for ways on improving my relationships with my team members as well as improving my relationship with the business. I found this book to be insightful on the importance of building an environment that feels both psychological and emotional aspects.
Key points described by the author are:
1. Building trust and creating a safe environment for feedback
2. Understanding the psychological and emotional aspects of feedback
3. Identifying and overcoming personal biases and assumptions
4. Providing feedback that is specific, actionable, and goal oriented.
5. Handling difficult feedback conversations with empathy and compassion
6. Using feedback to improve relationships, performance, and outcomes
I am hopeful that I will go into my next meetings asking more questions and collaborating with my team members to achieve their highest potential.
Key points described by the author are:
1. Building trust and creating a safe environment for feedback
2. Understanding the psychological and emotional aspects of feedback
3. Identifying and overcoming personal biases and assumptions
4. Providing feedback that is specific, actionable, and goal oriented.
5. Handling difficult feedback conversations with empathy and compassion
6. Using feedback to improve relationships, performance, and outcomes
I am hopeful that I will go into my next meetings asking more questions and collaborating with my team members to achieve their highest potential.
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April 26, 2021Feedback is an important tool for motivation and evaluation, so it’s important you get it right. When delivering feedback, make it clear that you’re on the other person’s side. Know what you’re looking to get out of the conversation, and listen relationally to get the other person’s side of the story.
Actionable advice:
Ask more, tell less.
One of the easiest ways to gain your employees’ trust and confidence is to ask follow-up questions. Follow-up questions show you’re engaged, and that you’re thinking closely about what they’ve said. But stay away from questions that begin with Why. These tend to put people on the defensive. Instead, ask questions that begin with What. One great example is: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” This question works well because it helps you get to the root of an issue and provide quality coaching.
Actionable advice:
Ask more, tell less.
One of the easiest ways to gain your employees’ trust and confidence is to ask follow-up questions. Follow-up questions show you’re engaged, and that you’re thinking closely about what they’ve said. But stay away from questions that begin with Why. These tend to put people on the defensive. Instead, ask questions that begin with What. One great example is: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” This question works well because it helps you get to the root of an issue and provide quality coaching.
February 13, 2021
Amazing resource - I don't say this lightly. I actually studied management in college, albeit 30+ years ago, so I've read a few books on the subject and plenty of articles and taken a few classes after that time as well. I've been a supervisor off and on between then and now, and I currently have three direct reports. Clear, succinct writing with helpful anecdotes throughout. The end of each chapter has a nice recap. Well-researched and has timely content in regards to biases having to do with race and gender. I was using tips from the book the same day! A quick, enjoyable read. I foresee going back again and again, so expect dog-eared pages.
December 27, 2022
This was an absolutely fabulous read. The book contains no fluff, it’s a synthesis of the author’s own research, previous scholarly articles and various books on the topic of feedback, combined with the author’s own experience as a feedback giver, and is written in an easy-to-read manner. Primarily aimed towards managers that deal with feedback giving, the book offers concrete steps and dialogue examples for many situations that can come up during feedback conversations throughout the manager’s career, so that both sides are heard and a clear action plan going forward is set up, in order for the goals of both the individual and the company can be met.
November 13, 2025
The voice of the author is so pleasing. I would have enjoyed getting feedback from her. This book is best for those in business but the techniques could be applied with other jobs that require feedback. Most examples will be setting goals since that is how many are evaluated so you might have to be creative and see how you can use the examples within your position. This boils down to think about your words and how they make someone feel, we will for get the words but not the feeling. Those who feel valued work to be successful and stay vs employees who feel like they aren’t noticed, supported or avoid for fear of their reactions.
April 2, 2023
The essential book for any people manager.
There are three types of feedback: 1) appreciation, 2) coaching, 3) evaluation, and many different ways to say it to your direct reports or peers, especially if you work in a fast-growing company with teammates from different cultures & habits.
The author uses the latest research and the book based on great books: Coaching habits and Thanks for the feedback.
I really recommend this book for CEOs, executives, team leaders, and HR managers.
There are three types of feedback: 1) appreciation, 2) coaching, 3) evaluation, and many different ways to say it to your direct reports or peers, especially if you work in a fast-growing company with teammates from different cultures & habits.
The author uses the latest research and the book based on great books: Coaching habits and Thanks for the feedback.
I really recommend this book for CEOs, executives, team leaders, and HR managers.
March 14, 2021
Great tool, not only for managers, but also for employees who aren't managing yet, but one day will. This book lays out foundations on what you should expect from feedback, coaching and evaluation conversations. You can lead from below, and encourage your manager to give effective, collaborative feedback not only for your success, but for the dept/company's success, too. The chapter on unconscious bias is a must.
March 26, 2025
Very insightful
I wish I had this book a decade ago. I wish my manager had this book two years ago. We must have saved ourself a lot time and respect.
Nonetheless, I recommend this book for everyone in the corporate world. Employees more than managers. As this book helps us understand how to interpret the feedback we are getting and how to get one if we are not.
I will also follow through with the recommended books at the end.
I wish I had this book a decade ago. I wish my manager had this book two years ago. We must have saved ourself a lot time and respect.
Nonetheless, I recommend this book for everyone in the corporate world. Employees more than managers. As this book helps us understand how to interpret the feedback we are getting and how to get one if we are not.
I will also follow through with the recommended books at the end.
February 10, 2021
Let's face it, for most, confrontation does not come naturally. Yes, feedback and job evaluations are confrontations, for good news or bad news. The author of Let's Talk does back up her observations with research from a multitude of sources. But it could also be chosen to support her points. Overall, a worthwhile book to read.
April 26, 2021
Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower (2021) is a guide to handling one of the trickiest parts of being a manager – giving feedback.
Dr. Therese Huston draws upon her cognitive psychology research and her experience as an educator and consultant to help you understand how to give feedback in a way that benefits everyone involved.
Dr. Therese Huston draws upon her cognitive psychology research and her experience as an educator and consultant to help you understand how to give feedback in a way that benefits everyone involved.
November 19, 2021
The great one! This book have changed my life as a second generation of a family business.
I’ve always struggled to work with the employees, trying to help everyone pointing out the problems we are facing. Nectlecting their feeling makes me moving nowhere.
I’ve changed a lot after reading this, hope it’ll help everyone who stuggled like me for sure!
I’ve always struggled to work with the employees, trying to help everyone pointing out the problems we are facing. Nectlecting their feeling makes me moving nowhere.
I’ve changed a lot after reading this, hope it’ll help everyone who stuggled like me for sure!
July 3, 2023
I led a department wide book study on our feedback approaches using Let's Talk. While not all of the book's situations matched our needs, they were funny, thoughtful, and helpful in a variety of situations (life & work). This book also refers to other feedback books like Radical Candor, and pulls from a variety of sources. Excellent book.
December 17, 2021
Such a good read!! Huston explains some incredibly important core concepts around giving feedback. Highly recommended for any manager! The section on appreciation is powerful and the advice about more listening and 2-way conversation is excellent!
August 30, 2023
Lots of solid advice for navigating the difficulties of giving (fair, consistent, useful) feedback. Even though it's only 2 years old some of it still comes across a bit dated but even with that it has so much that's helpful.
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March 14, 2024Definitely geared toward management/leadership but still a good read. Dont need to hear the blah blah everyone’s a leader be a leader whatever, I know that but this is mainly for a manager haha. Maybe a little repetitive too.
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