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Getting to Yes with Yourself: And Other Worthy Opponents

3.95  ·  Rating details ·  1,206 ratings  ·  120 reviews

In his highly anticipated follow up to the bestselling Getting to Yes: Negotiation Agreement Without Giving, Harvard Universitys world renowned negotiation expert William Ury provides the definitive guide to attaining success at work and at home.

Drawing upon decades of experience in some of the worlds most challenging conflict areas from million-dollar corporate mergers

Hardcover, 208 pages
Published January 20th 2015 by HarperOne (first published January 13th 2015)
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André Bueno
Jan 05, 2016 rated it really liked it
Well written book by Dr. Ury for understanding how to better negotiate with others by getting yourself on your own team. After reading "Getting To Yes" I felt this book added more anecdotal evidence on how to better employ those methods (on a supplementary basis). In a nutshell, I felt this was a quick and engaging read.

- Be present
- Put yourself in their shoes
- Develop your inner BATNA
- Role-play and understand how things are going from the other person's perspective
- What is your deepest
Ying Ying
If you want to know what this book is about, go to the last chapter. It provides all you need to know.

While the book is about getting to yes with oneself before one can get yes to others, the book feels less of a 'negotiation' and more of a 'self-help' book. The book would have been more helpful if it provided concrete examples on how we can change from a no-deal to a deal with oneself.
Dec 06, 2015 rated it really liked it
Great book that keeps people owning their own issues while finding overlapping wins in their agreements with others.
I bought this book because of a negotiations class I was taking. I found it simple but informative. I remembered and was actually able to apply the lessons in real life to negotiate a better outcome.
Lilly  Minasyan
Apr 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Such an awesome book! It took me a while to finish this book because of how busy I was, but I am so glad that I was able to finish it!
It is way more important to get to yes with yourself than with others, I think. I highlighted so many paragraphs, it is ridiculous! 🤣🤣🤣

Definitely recommending!
Nancy Sigl
Feb 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Love this book!
Gregg Bell
Dec 20, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I don't know if I can rave enough about this book. It is clear-headed, insightful, wise and practical. It is life advice of the highest order.

A long time ago I'd read the book's precursor, Getting to Yes, and was so impressed. I still often think of the acronym, BATNA, (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) it gave and use it in many life situations I encounter. Getting to Yes with Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents builds on this and brings in priceless more practical wisdom.

Aug 05, 2015 rated it liked it
Similar to other self-help books, this book takes the first-person approach to show that the author, even though he is a master at negotiating in times of war and hostage, is just a "regular guy"--and like a regular guy and the regular guys he gives as examples, uses the techniques he suggests on a daily basis for overcoming self-defeating behaviors. Except he's not a regular guy and, like the quotes that pepper the book, the techniques are reductionist and verge on dangerous myth (happiness is ...more
Betsy Ng
Sep 27, 2015 rated it liked it
Simple to read and understand for those who wish to develop personal self-awareness and growth. The 6 steps are easy to follow and apply. However, most of such books focus on giving and by giving more, you will receive more. Summarizing the 6 steps: 1) Put yourself in your shoes, from self-judgment to self-understanding; 2) Develop your inner Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, from blame to self-responsibility; 3) Re-frame your picture, from unfriendly to friendly; 4) Stay in the zone, ...more
Oct 02, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: human-behavior
As a great fan of the Harvard Negotiation Project, this book by one of it's founders is not to be missed. As Ury states it is in fact the prequel to 'Getting to Yes' (one of the best books on negotiation). Before you enter a negotiation, you have to negotiate with yourself; you have to make up your mind on what's really important to yourself. The book contains a lot of examples of real life situations and difficult negotiations and therefore gives great insight in the process behind it. Very ...more
Oct 15, 2019 rated it liked it
William Ury is an icon in the world of negotiation and peacemaking. He is most famous for the business classic Getting to Yes, which he co-wrote with his late mentor and fellow Harvard buddy Roger Fischer. Ury has written several books on his own to further his mission of peace (not a bad goal). One of my personal favorites is The Power of a Positive No, which provides practical advice on how to say no to things while holding on to your values and affirming relationships with others.

Getting to
This author I was exposed to while doing grad school level work, it was required reading to read his bestseller, "Getting to Yes" but this book the author states [and I agree] should have been written and read first. This book will help you get to the bottom of what you really want, by aligning within yourself the Yes to Yourself, toward Life, and toward Your Neighbor. The author as always posited a more optimistic tone, backed up by the circumstantial evidence of his own experiences and ...more
Mar 25, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: business
"Getting to Yes" is one of the standards in business negotiationemphasizing the value and process of negotiating in good faith towards a winning situation for all parties. In this book, Ury dives into the complexities of understanding ourselves, the first partner in a negotiation. Through case studies and experiences, he demonstrates how many conflict negotiations are founded in bad faith towards ourselvesbecoming our own worst enemies, and undermining opportunities for a successful outcome. ...more
Sarah Marques
Aug 04, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Another piece to the puzzle

Just as Getting to Yes is a thorough, well written book on negotiation, this book covers the step before. I was one of those who intellectually understood the logic of getting to yes with others but in real life it always fell back to win-lose.

By reading this book however I now realize that of course it didnt work! I had spent most of my life avoiding my own needs, seeing only scarcity. The steps outlined are simple but not easy, building upon each other. They have
Jul 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Bill Talbot
Feb 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great insight to be successful one must start within

Of all challenges in life the largest opponent in any challenge is one's own thoughts and opinions. Mr. Ury does a great job of baselineing oneself on the topic headon. With tips on how to be more objective that is directly reflected in one's other actions/interactions in life. A great read that personally will return to again to help remind myself of the steps and activities needed to achieve personal satisfaction/gratification in life.
Michelle Poirier
Jan 09, 2018 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Charlie Gorichanaz
Jun 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
A common theme among disparate authors seems to be a perspective shift from personal to communal through increased conscientiousness and selflessness. This can seem counterproductive in a business sense, but apparently it pays off in more than happiness, as if happiness were not all we really seek. The entire Getting to Yes series demonstrated treating others with dignity and respect often yields more for everyone than impersonal, positions based negotiation. This book gets at why we want what ...more
Oct 24, 2018 rated it liked it
Good, but nothing exceptional. It really is a 'know thyself' kinda book with a negotiation-bend. Everything taught is good to know, but nothing really original. And while important concepts, and probably necessary for successful negotiations, the negotiation language actually kind of distracted from the principles taught. I get he was making a point for his other negotiation books and methods, but this book doesn't stand on its own very well, despite him saying it does.
Feb 05, 2020 rated it it was ok
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Dec 03, 2016 rated it really liked it
A concise and practical discussion of ways people can recognize when they are sabotaging their own best interests and ways to handle the fears, insecurities, reactivity and lack of perspective that lie behind most such problems. It doesn't offer step by step how-to advice but gives some basic approaches and leaves readers to decide the most effective way to implement them for themselves.
Holger Matthies
Current buzzwords like "gratitude" and "presence" pressed into the well-known "Getting to yes" terminology, interlaced with anecdotes of the author's daughter's health and past negotiations.

Those anecdotes were actually what was of most value. But if you expect, like I did, some inner negotiations (I just can't get myself to do x), you're in for a disappointment.
Mitesh Patel
May 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
This prequel to the groundbreaking project Getting to Yes written by Ury with Fisher is a remarkable book in many ways. The book is not about fly-by negotiation with ones self but truly a spiritual journey of changing the attitude towards ones self, towards life and towards other and win over others in the process. Full marks to Ury for this. ...more
hemlet kiai
Aug 10, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: mylibrary
an insightful book on how to understand myself first before i try to understand others. i see that many times i am too hard on myself. i become my worst enemy. how can i empathize others if i cant empathize myself? i will need to learn to say yes to myself. it will be hard but it can be done. a great book! ...more
Jul 18, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Just missing guided exercises

I really enjoyed this book. The concepts are excellent, well researched, and scientifically backed. I wonder if people will actually be able to put the concepts into practice though without a bit more guidance. I would have liked to have seen that in this book.
Helen Odessky
Aug 16, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Excellent Read! Useful strategies to apply to everyday negotiations at home and at work! Highly recommend this book if you are looking for a primer in negotiating.

Excellent Read! Useful strategies to apply to everyday negotiations at home and at work! Highly recommend this book if you are looking for a primer in negotiating
Shania A.
Mar 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good read!

I am a young entrepreneur & this was definitely a good read! Im pursuing a career in sales & the techniques that were shared in this book are critical in my career. Everyday was exciting for me knowing that I had the opportunity to apply new methods I was reading about.
Mar 08, 2019 rated it liked it
Having studied Urys negotiation techniques as part of my MBA education I had certain preconceived notions of what this book would be like. It wasnt what I expected and I didnt find it as tactically useful as his other books. That said, I enjoyed his personal stories, particularly the story of his daughter. It was very inspiring. ...more
Christine Zalewski
I love this book

This book makes sense about what it says. I like the book because it does you make a no into a yes. It is a fun book to understand how to make a no into a yes, and make people think that way too. I feel that make a negative into a positive and that is a good thing. That is the way it is suppose to be always.
Feb 21, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I greatly enjoyed this book. I havent read Getting to Yes, but now I want to. I do that word-of-the-year thing to frame my goals, and this year my word is control. So much of what I meant by that was addressed in this book - getting to yes with yourself is learning who you are and learning to give your best. ...more
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Is this a good read for separating couples ? 1 3 Aug 27, 2016 10:27PM  

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William L. Ury co-founded Harvard's Program on Negotiation where he currently directs the Global Negotiation Initiative. He is the author of The Power of a Positive No How to Say No Still Get to Yes (2007) and co-author (with Roger Fisher) of Getting to Yes Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In , a five-million-copy bestseller translated into over twenty languages. "No other book in the field ...more

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10 likes · 1 comments
“What sustains this “win-lose” mindset is a sense of scarcity, the fear that there is just not enough to go around, so we need to look out for ourselves even at the expense of others.” 5 likes
“I have come to the conclusion that the greatest obstacle to getting what we really want in life is not the other party, as difficult as he or she can be. The biggest obstacle is actually ourselves.” 4 likes
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