Grumpy Old Wizards

Grumpy Old Wizards #1

by John O'Riley

Category six wizard, Josephine O’Connor, is called in to help with a series of murders involving dark magic. Unfortunately, the killer covers his tracks very well and destroys virtually all trace of psychometric energy which makes the crime scene unreadable – even for a talent such as Josephine.

By all rights, Josephine shouldn’t be forced to contend with this case. After all, she’s a retired eighty-four-year-old and she can hardly be blamed for having a beautiful body akin to a woman in her mid-twenties. It’s just one of the perks of being a rare category six. Josephine’s problems pile up to insurmountable odds as the killer grows stronger, Detective Riley pesters her for a quick resolution to this challenging case, and her obnoxious neighbor starts harassing her just because she looks too young to live in a retirement community.

Genres: Fantasy, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal, Magic, Mystery, Fiction, Witches

372 pages, Paperback

First published April 5, 2013

About the author

The author, John O'Riley, is an award winning writer. He is an author of both novels and screenplays in the categories of urban fantasy, comedy, science fiction and young adult.

He is the author of the Grumpy Old Wizards series, the Wizard of Seattle series, and the Winters Family Psi Chronicles series. A full listing of all the series in chronological order with book excerpts and descriptions can be found on the official author website at http://johnoriley.webs.com.

When you sign up to be on the mailing list at http://johnoriley.webs.com/new-book-n..., you will always know when new titles are available and will be kept in the loop when there are special offers. You will also receive a short story free when you sign up.

John's movie feature screenplay, Cursed, is an Honorable Mention Winner for the 2012 Screenplay Festival. His most recent accomplishments include the screenplays Cursed, Project Pandora, Pinky Swear, Incipio, and Bad Sister which have been listed as Quarter Finalists, Semi Finalists, and Top Finalists in the 2012 Screenplay Festival, 2012 Filmmakers International Screenplay Awards, 2012 StoryPros International Awards, 2012 Pulsar Sci Fi Screenplay Contest, and the 2012 Reel Authors International Breakout.

He is the author of the Grumpy Old Wizards series, the Wizards of Seattle series, and the Winters Family Psi Chronicles series. You can visit the author website at http://johnoriley.webs.com to see a complete listing with book descriptions and book excerpts.

You can sign up at http://johnoriley.webs.com/new-book-n... to stay in the loop for special offers and to know when a new book is available. The first time you sign up, you will receive a free short story.

He loves reading fantasy, science fiction, and humorous fiction. Some of his favorite authors include Kim Harrison, Jim Butcher, Kay Hooper (Bishop Files/ psychic detective thrillers), Kat Richardson, J.K. Rowling, Angie Sage, Jayne Krentz, and Janet Evanovich. He currently lives in Lynnwood, Washington which is by Seattle and owns a parakeet named Amy. Amy is by far the most polite bird he's ever had as she always quiets down if he takes a nap or needs rest. However, when she wants a treat, she will squawk at him until he takes her out of the cage and gives her millet seeds.

Reviews

[Dianne · Rating 1 out of 5]

I rarely write one-star reviews, but I just had to let my thoughts and feelings out. The cover, book description and some of the reviews I read, led me to believe that this book was going to be right up my alley. It was not what I was led to believe it was going to be. Had I been told that this book was written by a junior high school child I would have stood up and cheered. But this was written by an adult; and to add insult to injury this adult has won awards. Most likely NOT on this book though.

Choppy, repetitive writing.
One dimensional characters.
Childish characters.
Stark, bland interactions between characters.
Unemotional dialogue and characters.

The glowing reviews dumbfound me, the negative votes on any critical reviews, no matter how blandly and nicely written is a crime and a mark against...well I'll just leave it there.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel guilty writing a review for a book I couldn't finish, but this was really poor writing. I couldn't get past chapter two. Even if I could have waded through the ample use of adjectives and the info-dumps of back story, I don't think I could have gotten to like the childish characters and unrealistic dialogue.

I love the concept of the book, though. With proper rewrites and editing, it could have been something great.

It just goes to show that authors must have editors. This is non-negotiable.

[Ellen Christian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love mysteries so I was prepared to really enjoy reading Grumpy Old Wizards. What I wasn’t prepared for was to totally fall in love with this book. The characters are fun and interesting. There are a lot of twists and turns in the story to keep you wanting more and more. But, the most entertaining part of the book is the pranks they play on Dale and Josephine’s ex husband. I haven’t giggled while reading a book in a long time but this one definitely did it. If you’re looking for a fun, entertaining read, you have to download Grumpy Old Wizards by John O’Riley today.

I received a copy of this book for my honest review.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love Josephine and her friends and foibles. Lots of great stuff is going on in this book. First of all, it's very funny, while at the same time being propelled by a good plot, making for a really engaging read. The humor arises from the biting dialogue, which is really clever, believable, and adds depth to the characters. For example, one character called her ex 'Spot" in reference to his complexion and his doggish behavior, and funny details like that are liberally sprinkled in to the scenes. Josephine is a great character, an aging wizard who just wants to retire. She's fantastic and if she were my aunt I'd be thrilled to visit her in Siesta Key, even though trouble follows her, or rather calls on her, as she is required by the government to assist in the solving of crimes based on her keen abilities to read energy in a room or off of a victim, much like a forensic scientist reads physical evidence. Really cool concept that is well executed throughout.

Another strength in the story is the creation of the world of wizards, with all of their powers, limitations, strength and vulnerabilities. O'Riley has done a great job of invoking complex rules of how a world that somewhat accepted these powers would try to use and control them, and having Josephine up against all of that as she tries to solve a serial murder case is excellent. It's all very well done, unfolds visually like a rewarding movie, and readers will be satisfied with the way it crosses many genres.

[J.C. Cauthon · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book only received two stars because I was able to see it's potential. This read more like a first draft of a novel than a final draft. You have a group of senior citizen wizards who live in a retirement village. The most magical of them is required by law to help police with investigation on the scene by using her magic to find "trails" of the suspect.

So much more could have been done with this novel. But after reading the first four chapters, twice, forcing myself to get into the novel, I finally threw it aside. We have four senior citizens who act and talk like 16-year-old vapid girls. The author was most likely trying to make Josephine seem like a crotchety old woman, but she came across more as a whiny child. The pranks she pulls are stupid, at best, and most of the dialogue should have been cut in later drafts. (I don't need to know about every "okay," "um...," and "all right.")

Also, the police detective that Josephine works with needed a lot more work. He was just a flat "pissy" character who bossed Josephine around. I did not even want to read a chapter with him in it again after trudging through the first one.

Many reviewers talk about how great this novel was, and how there was such a wonderful story. I did not see it. There are supposed to be sequels, but if they are anything like this, I will not be paying for them.

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

This is book one in the "Grumpy Old Wizards" series. Josephine and her best friends, Helen and Alice, live in a retirement community near Siesta Key, Florida. They spend their days, well most of them, drinking coffee, playing cards and playing enchanted pranks on their annoying neighbor Dale. Life seems great until a serial killer comes to town and, Josephine, a level six wizard is called in to consult on the case. Will Josephine be able to solve the case before it's too late? What part does the vortex in Siesta Key play?

"Grumpy Old Wizards" is a funny page turning mystery. Even though I was able to solve the case long before the end of the story, I kept reading to see what prank these three women would play next. I loved Josephine spirited attitude, she was quite a woman to reckon with. If you like cozy mysteries or mysteries with good humor mixed, in then this is the book for you.

[Sue Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG - this was such a fun fun read. Josephine, an 86 year old wizard, lives in a retirement community but - because she is a level 6 wizard - has to help the local police department with solving crimes.
I don't want to spoil it for you - so I won't say much more about the actual storyline - but, I will say this: Once you start reading this, you will find it hard to put down!!!
I was given a copy of this book for an honest review.

[Terrie Stamey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grumpy Old Wizards

This story was a hoot! Fast paced and funny. It also had its serious moments. Just loved the three wizard girlfriends. Always into something, especially with their neighbors! Great read for anyone looking for a fun read, with some serious sides.

[Stuart Macmartin · Rating 2 out of 5]

A mystery with no mystery. Who and why are obvious. This book is filled with stupid characters who think they are smart behaving like children. The writing is simplistic: this is a speed read book. Could use some editing. People appeared out of nowhere, words with multiple meanings were used where the natural way to read the sentence makes little sense: when you're at the beach, what do you mean by "move the chair across the room"? Why does she have to put on shorts and a top to be presentable after every shower but one? The intent of these occasional odd sentences is eventually clear but are clear bumps in reading. The ending has the usual weak story flaws well described in "How Not to Write a Novel". A major subplot in the book is completely ignored in the resolution as if it didn't matter. Why are 5s allowed more power than 6s? Why were petty neighbours ignoring the commotions? I continued reading because of the positive reviews and in case the story wasn't quite so transparent. No such luck. 2 stars: the extra star is for the general concept of the world.

[nancy garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read


Fun stuff with some amazing concepts thrown in. Ordinary people who struggle with daily delimas and hilarious situations, rules, regulations. Wish I was a wizard!
Nancy M

[Leiah Cooper · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you are an 80-year-old Wizard with top-notch rating in a world gone wonky, where magic is rated in categories like tornados and just because you are 80 it doesn’t mean you don’t look like a 20-year-old, life can get a bit interesting. Such is the case with Josephine. She and her two best buds, Alice and Helen, live in a retirement home, and the first time you meet them they are playing gin rummy. Josephine has two of the aces, and life is looking good – until the phone rings. Obnoxious Detective Whiney (well, Detective Riley, but he really is Obnoxious and Whiney) has a case for her. (Being a category six wizard, the highest category there is, means that her retirement is frequently interrupted by Obnoxious Detective Whiney. Them’s the rules, if you are a wizard, the government owns your ass.) Uh. Anyway. With a serial killer on the loose who appears to match Josephine in strength, it will take a lot of work to track him down and stop him.

The idea of Grumpy Old Wizards is quite good. There is humour, it isn’t really bloody, per se, and the idea of elderly ladies, while done before, are done uniquely. But then, there are the problems. There is an overall flat choppiness to the writing that pretty much left me cold. Sort of a ‘See Spot, see Spot run, run Spot run’ delivery that had me skimming through the pages shooting for the end. And as other reviewers have said, the very fact that everyone was surprised at the identity of the killer at the end was sort of “Well, duh. Figured that out a long time ago.” I hate that in a book that is supposed to be a mystery – it defeats the purpose and makes the rest of the book, after you saw the big red flashing billboard, mere filler. And what is UP with that cover??? It should be on the cover of a YA romantic 18-year-old witch story, not the cover of this book. I almost didn’t accept the book because the cover literally pushed me away.

Overall, the idea was good, the delivery mediocre, the mystery nonexistent, and the writer needs an editor. However, I am not totally throwing the idea of this series in the trash. With a good editor and good beta readers this could be a funny, interesting series.

[Dixie Conley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I chose to read this story because I liked the title. What's better than wizards? Why, grumpy ones! Plus, y'know, the title made me think that the story might have a sense of humor about it.

No. No, no, nope. Wrong.

Instead, it involves a world just like ours, except everyone has some degree of wizarding power. Most have next to nothing. Our heroine has as much as you can possibly have. Only get this, the story's set in a retirement village! Wow, goofy antics there. Yeah, right. The heroine sets a flatulence hex on her neighbor who sets spiders on her. Seriously goofy.

And there's a serial killer. Of course. Because you've got to have serial killers.

I saw the identity of the killer way before he revealed himself. (Nobody figured it out in the story. He had to reveal himself.) It was a little too obvious. But they would have gotten him eventually, because he was doing little more than taking the magic out for a joyride. That people kept getting killed along the way was... garnish. Like parsley. You gotta figure with a guy jetting halfway across the country, unleashing a wave of magic, then jetting back across the country to do it again on the other side of the country would leave, y'know, tracks? Like plane records? But, of course, that would require actual police work. Of which very little is done in this story, because, hello, wizards? Why bother doing any actual detecting when someone can walk in, take a long look at things and say, 'Oh, hey, it was John Smith, he lives at 42 Evergreen Terrace'.

And, yeah, I probably just made the story seem cooler than it actually is, because really, it's a lot of card games (rummy, anyone?) and senior citizens. Just with magic. Only magic doesn't make it all better. Or cooler. Not when it's senior citizens. Ew.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do my best to give books a good shot. Sometimes they turn around in the middle. I couldn't get past 16% (according to my handy Kindle) on this one.

The story didn't flow very well. It felt like it jumped around. Some places sorely needed transition where there was none. Other paragraphs were run-ons with far too much packed in. This might well be due to editing, but it was still annoying and made reading a chore.

Character dialogue was redundant. The author went on about the same thing over and over. Then over and over again. I don't want to read pages of character gripes. Especially not the same gripes! I was reading the same conversation on repeat. That's when I put it away and I won't be picking it back up.

I thought the idea behind the plot was awesome but the writing dragged it down.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book foolish and unbelievable. The characters are ridiculous. There are some interesting ideas about magic, but the plotting is weak and the dialog badly written. I will not be reading any more books in this series.

[Andrew · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is really a 1 1/2 star story. I didn't exactly dislike it, but I didn't really like it either. I'm exasperated by and disappointed in it.

It has an really interesting basic premise and I was hoping to like it, because there are far too few urban fantasy books that feature older central characters. But unfortunately that alone cannot hold up a story.

The characters are one dimensional, terribly written and the writing, dialogue and plotting are flat and feel amateurish. It's as if the author has never met a person over the age of 30, but even his younger characters are unconvincing, flat and stilted. It's hard to explain, but it feels as if the writer needs to get out and read more. And watch a whole lot of Golden Girls episodes, sure they act immature and silly, but in the way that an older woman who doesn't give a damn what you think would do.

There are the germs of a good, perhaps great story there, possibly with a couple of rewrites and a strict editor this could have been just that, unfortunately it isn't.

Hopefully the author will gain the experience (and editor) to do his ideas justice.

ED added some more thoughts.

[Colette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really looking forward to reading this. Unfortunately it was very disappointing. None of the characters were likeable, the writing was childish and incorrect and repetitive vocabulary meant that what promised to be an enjoyable story turned out to be disappointing and a chore. Oh and even though the police and wizards didn't work out who the serial killer was, I managed it very early on. I won't be bothering with the rest in the series.

[Robert Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good book. Great action and some good humor. Reading his second book now.

[Badseedgirl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this series out of order. I won a copy of the second book in this series Corruption, in 2014 and really enjoyed it. But as often happens wuth me, Other things and other books took away the spotlight, until just last month. I was looking for another book on my shelf and ran across my copy of Corruption. I immediately ordered a copy.

This is just a good series, although this book's plot was a little muddier than book two, I still just enjoyed this book. There are six books in this series I plan to read all of them, eventually.

[mirba · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fresh and original story with finally a refreshing and more real view on "eternal youth" in which physical eternal teenager beauty does not correspond to eternal teenager in the mind.

I really enjoyed it greatly. Also a great storyline, good plot, and really really interesting characters all around.

I also liked the idea of the retirement house, and the friends, old husbands and the deeper plot (the one that will develop over the serie). Will for sure read the next book!

[Mike]

Not scoring this; I DNFed it pretty early on.

Partly, it was the overly-simplistic info-dumpy style, and partly, it's the author's deep and painfully evident fear of commas. (News flash: they're not a finite commodity! You can put them wherever they belong without using them up!)

No thank you. I have better things to do with my time.

[Debra Johnson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Purchased from Amazon June 28, 2015
Not for me.
Inept Writing.
Clean
YA
No Sex

[Sharon · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I found the world premise/magic system to be very interesting, I found the pacing to be kind of all over the place and the prose somewhat underwhelming. Also, any bonus points you might get for having an 80+ year old woman as the main character are nullified when her physical appearance is a 30-something and she reads like a 14-year-old.

[Valery · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Not my favorite. There was a lot of telling and very little showing. The dialog was stilted and awkward and It felt like a chore to read it. Grammar needs some work as well. Plot was just okay.

For my clean readers: language, violence no romance.

[Pearl Kirkby · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love to read. I read. anything that has. printed Material. Yes. Like that. And like this. Only more. Like this and, that.

Like others, I chose this book for the title, not knowing whether to expect a really Odd Couple, or a batch of Gandalf's and Dumbledore's, or a community of wizards that were so old that grumpy is all that's left of their personalities. Either way, being an old fossil myself, it was my pick of the morning.

I was not disappointed in the concept or storyline of the book; in fact, I thought it was kind of cool (again, coming from an old fossil!). Some of the visuals were quite beautiful and I could actually "see" colours from the written description. Beyond that? Pffffft! (sucks teeth, rolls eyes...shudders)

Grumpy Old Wizards could be an exceptional read, if it didn't come across as being written by a 15 year old who flunked English from the third grade onward.

The form was horrid; many of the paragraphs made absolutely no sense, containing pieces of the paragraph above (or below), or were just a collection of totally unrelated sentences.

Sentence structure...well...sucked. They were short, jerky and/or incomplete (see my first "paragraph") and completely ignored proper punctuation (except for about one quarter of the book). Syntax was nearly as studiously ignored.

There was too much information in places - too much unnecessary detail, I should say. And did I mention sentence structure???

And WHY is this lady always #drivingDrivingDRIVING to, toward or away from her #condoCondoCONDO???

To sum it up: I will not give it only 1 star, because, whilst I DO believe that Grumpy Old Wizards has marvelous potential, I also agree completely with those who stated the obvious, unequivocal necessity for, at best, a professional editor and, at the very least, a layperson who has excellent mastery over the English language, simile, grammar, spelling, syntax, structure and punctuation.

I would not have Mr. O' Riley take offense at this review, for all the world. I only hope that he accepts these critical reviews as the constructive criticism that they are, and decides to release a corrected, edited copy of Grumpy Old Wizards some time in the near future. I would love to see it at its best.

[Steven · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a tough book to rate not because it was bad (it was okay and at times good, but never more), but because it could have been so much more. There were just so many holes and unexplained things, not to mention some parts that made you get nervous about what was coming next, that it just failed to be what it could have been.

The plot has potential. After the "Disaster" (which was one of those things never explained enough) just about everyone has magical powers. Josephine, our heroine, has more than most. She, of course, uses her powers for good in helping detect trace energies from crime scenes to help catch bad guys. When a serial killer who covers his tracks real well comes to town, her own powers may not be enough. Another category six wizard, Gary, who is mentally unstable, is brought in to help, but it still may not be enough.

As I said, there are quite a few holes and unexplained things in the book, but more than that there are also some things that throw you off as a reader. First, the phrase "serial killer" is used so often that it sounds stilted. "Murderer," "killer," "lunatic," and a host of other words could easily have been used (and in real life are used), but here it was just "serial killer" every other page. The author is also obsessed with what female characters are wearing. We hardly know what the males are wearing, but even when he's talking about women in their 80s we have to know what color shorts they have on. Really? And the relationship between Josephine and her grandson is just creepy. Not that anything happens, but why a woman in her 80s has to hug her adult grandson on every occasion they see each other made my skin crawl. I don't have time or space to go into the other characters that needed more than one dimension and the rather abominable ending that was all too nice and neat (not to mention totally expected).

On the plus side, the plot was interesting, the main characters weren't bad, and the pacing was good. But again, there were just too many things that *should* have happened or been explained. My life was not made worse by reading this book, neither was it made better. I cannot recommend it.

[Kara Prem · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, the premise sounded fun. The main character, Josephine is an 80-something year old wizard. Because she is a "category 6", she's incredibly strong, and can't retire as the police need category 6's to help with the magical aspects of cases. Josephine resents not being able to retire and acts like a petulant child when called upon to work (refusing to answer the phone, pretending to get lost on the way to a crime scene, even staying at a friend's condo to avoid the officer who needs her help). Her two best friends are lower category wizards, so they look their age. Josephine however looks like she's in her 20's or 30's. Because of this, another neighbor calls her "slut" a lot and sets hexes in her condo. She calls him a slur for developmentally disabled people.

That's as far as I got in the book. There were a few clues about the big bad - a murderer who is even more talented than Josephine, but there is too much time spent on the fights with the neighbor, describing each outfit Josephine and her friends wear (seriously - pink shorts, pink top, pink headband sort of descriptions. Why?) Additionally, the conversations are very poorly written.

For example: "Yes I am," she said. "Be careful," he said. "Excuse me?" Josephine asked. Almost all of the conversations are this simple, with multiple "s/he saids".

I gave up at 38% done.

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel had all the ingredients to make a wonderful story but messed it up somehow. I didn't like the main character Josephine. Her careless attitude, poor judgment and lassitude annoyed me to no end. You want to break the rules? Fine. Break them. But have a damn good reason for it and be prepared to deal with the consequences dammit. You don't agree with something? Then try to change it. Don't just stand there and complain about it nonstop. Do something! Anything! At all!

Seriously. After a little while, I think I wanted to kill the main character more than the killer. She was positively upsetting and idiotic. And the killer's identity??? Could it have been more obvious? And everyone's surprise? Jesus. Was anyone actually trying to solve the crimes in the middle of all that drama? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't see it. And if the abrupt ending was supposed to make want to read the next book, it failed. Spectacularly. I won't touch the next book even if you pay me.

Who am I kidding? The damn thing is addictive. I had an awful time reading it but couldn't stop.

[Carol Bosselman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I try to say something positive about every book, but with this, its very difficult. The writing was dry and boring; the characters' actions blandly described as if some third party is taking notes, including commenting on every outfit, every flavor of tea, etc. I suppose the best way to put it is that there is no passion in this writing.

The relationships are almost all confrontational. The heroine is supposed to be 84 and a powerful wizard? She comes across as a petulant 10-year-old, and not for a moment can I relate to or empathize with anything happening to her.

Lastly, how this world's magic works isn't clear. At one point it is said that everyone became a wizard with the last major event, but at other times it is implied that there are mundane people, too. What are the differences in levels? How does any of this work? Using magic is supposed to tire people out, yet the characters are constantly throwing spells around (in some cases, like rival grade-school kids) with little consequence.

[Albert · Rating 2 out of 5]

An urban fantasy book about a powerful wizard who helps with police investigations because she is able to sense what happened at crime scenes, the premise is not our usual fare. Where as most protagonists are teenagers coming of age (and power), our heroine is a retiree of sorts and already powerful. Unfortunately, powerful wizards are "leashed" to prevent harmful use of their power. This little story hook plays into the plot well, if not fairly predictably.

I got this book because of the number of good reviews on GoodReads. Ugh. The book suffered throughout from amateurish writing, which proved to be very distracting, unfortunately. I am genuinely surprised at the many good reviews this book received. One of the few books I've read garnering the 2 star rating.

Number of pages: 372
Number of my highlights: 1

My favorite quote(s):
One would think she made a habit of making irresponsible decisions with the way Alice was treating her.

[Neene]

I found it amusing but the ending was so... abrupt. An older wizard named Josephine just trying to retire gets called back to "volunteer" helping the police solve crimes when a serial killer strikes killing off wizards. when an enforcer is called in to protect josephine because the police think she may be a target. The enforcer is a bonehead who tries to intimidate josephine and also wants to catch her doing something bad... Anyway there is some jokes, some close calls and then bam the ending and you are like what? but all in all the book was good i gave it a 4 because of the jinxes it's good to have older people be silly otherwise it would have gotten a 3.5