In a culture of bespoke…..well, everything, Riley Sager’s Final Girls seemed tailor-made for this horror fangirl. The phrase ‘Final Girl’ is a widely-used trope in horror films that describes the last person standing who confronts the killer and WINS. Think Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, Neve Campbell in SCREAM, or Heather Langenkamp in Nightmare on Elm Street. In Riley Sager’s book, she takes the Final Girls trope and translates it to a real-world setting. And while the book is undoubtedly compelling, it’s ultimately disappointing. Basically, it’s the literary equivalent of binging on sour patch kids [or insert your favorite sugary treat here]. It tastes good. You can’t stop eating it. But when you’re done, you’re vaguely ill and feel curiously unsatisfied.
Final Girls centers around Quincy Carpenter, the lone survivor of ‘The Pine Cottage Murders,’ a horrific event (almost like it’s ripped from a horror movie….BUM BUM BUM) where all her college besties were brutally stabbed to death. The murders make Quincy an overnight Nancy Grace sensation and the media dubs her a “Final Girl.” This title places Quincy in an exclusive “club” with two other women who have similarly earned this distinction. Lisa Milner and Samantha Boyd. Fast-forward 10 years, Quincy is living with her lawyer boyfriend and running a successful baking blog. Sounds like she escaped relatively unscathed, right? WRONG. She be popping xanax like it’s hot and hoarding random stolen shit. CRAZY. CAKES. When Quincy receives word that Lisa has died under questionable circumstance and Samantha abruptly shows up at her door, things quickly start to spin OUT. OF. CONTROL.
Final Girls has a great premise. It’s got all the ingredients for an amazing story. But it’s just…..kind of a mess. Partly, it’s because it never quite decides what it wants to be. Critical satire or legitimate thriller. There’s clear reference to multiple horror movie tropes. Let’s take a glance, shall we?
The Pine Cottage Murders are of the ‘cabin in the woods’ oeuvre and occur adjacent to a psychiatric asylum. Two checkmarks. Spoiled, rich, obnoxious white kids rent said cabin for weekend of drink and debauchery. Third and Fourth checkmark for no diversity and “immoral activity.” Quincy’s friend informs gang about previous murder in the area. This mention establishes ominous tone. Fifth checkmark. Janelle, the birthday girl and trip organizer, is portrayed as an oversexed exhibitionist. Sixth checkmark for “slutty chick.” Hello, morality police. A cell phone ban has been placed. Seventh checkmark: no ability to get help. Then, a mysterious and oddly behaved stranger arrives. Seventh checkmark. FINALLY, we have Quincy. An intelligent, kind, virginal, non-drinker, non-drug user. Best friend to slutty chick. Ladies & gentlemen, please give a hand for our…...FINAL GIRL. AND our eighth checkmark. Et voila, a horror movie, in all its conservative, moralistic, misogynistic glory, is born.
The present day Quincy-Samantha storyline plays out another familiar horror trope, that of the standard Single White Female. Samantha enters the scene abruptly, things are all peachy keen until she gradually takes over Quincy’s life. Ominous warnings about Sam are given by concerned third parties, followed by Sam’s behavior growing quickly more erratic.
Now, I have no issue with Final Girls constructing a story entirely around tropes. In fact, it’s kinda what I expected. But when a writer so heavily references another work there needs to be SOME humor present. Here, there’s none. Zip. Zilch. Nada. It’s devoid of anything remotely funny. All the horror cliches are used, but only with the utmost gravity. So the novel reads more like an inferior knock-off than a satire. And it’s too bad because it’s possible to meld both satire and suspense, look at SCREAM & Cabin in the Woods. Both poke fun at the scary movie genre, while retaining the creep factor.
Yes, as promised there are plot twists. Final Girls delivers on that. I was genuinely surprised at the end, but not happily. I love a good twist. But Final Girls clearly valued SHOCK and AWE over consistent characterization. A surprise ending doesn’t work if there’s no build up, logic, or cohesion. You can’t rip off a mask, declare someone a killer, and end story. This ain’t Scooby Doo, kids.
And FFS...can writers STOP using the repressed memory device??!! PLEASE??!! It’s such lazy writing. Oh, and the Central Park sidestory? Completely unnecessary. It didn’t serve the plot and was a distraction from the primary narrative. What a waste of time. UGH.
So basically…..Final Girls was readable. So readable I stayed up until 6AM. But it so wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t bad….it just wasn’t anything and I’m sad because it had the potential to be….SOMETHING.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an advance, complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review.