In The House of Thunder, physicist Susan Thorton wakes up in a hospital bed in a small hospital just outside the town of Willawauk, Oregon. She has apparently been in a coma, the result of a car accident, and when the story starts out she has amnesia. She quickly remembers most things, but some bizarre holes remain in her memory. For example, she can't remember anything about her employer or her job. And soon, she starts seeing evil men from a past traumatic event in her life at the hospital. What is causing the holes in Susan's memory? Why have these men from her past come to the hospital to seek her out after so many years? For revenge? Or is something even more sinister afoot?
This book. I mean, wow. Where do I even start?
Susan, the protagonist of the story, is terrible, and she becomes more and more insufferable as the story progresses. She's a whiny, jealous, stubborn, terrified-of-everything, narcissistic idiot who doesn't listen to reason or to her doctors and nurses, and frequently acts argumentative and borderline psychotic. She knows she's seeing hallucinations, but then she freaks out and runs for her life from them. Which is it? Do you know they're just your imagination, or do you think they're real? She's insanely self-contradicting.
And she's depicted as this brave, strong woman by Koontz, but she frequently acts like a weakling, screaming melodramatically in terror numerous times throughout the story, constantly freaking out like a terrified child, and at one point even being too afraid to walk three or four steps across her hospital room to pull aside the curtain and see her roommate, running back to her own bed with her tail between her legs. In another scene, she even goes full "scared little kid" and asks a hospital orderly to stay with her until she falls asleep, because she's "ascared" of the Boogeyman that was clearly just a hallucination:
"And I was wondering...could you..."
"What is it?"
"Do you think...could someone stay with me...just until I fall asleep?"
Susan felt like a child for making that pathetic request...
As she should. Anyway...it just doesn't make any sense. How Koontz tries to depict her and how she actually acts throughout this entire book are two completely different and contradictory things.
The "insta-romance" subplot between Susan and her doctor Jeff McGee is completely ridiculous as well. She's only known him for three days and raves about how she's madly in love with him, she's jealous of him when she sees him dressed up in a suit one day, because she thinks he's going on a date with another woman, etc. And it just doesn't make sense on the face of it, because the doctor later says he loves her too. I mean, really? She's having hallucinations and acting psychotic, she's depicted as having had her hair roughly chopped off by the ER doctors, and she has lost a ton of weight. Why would a well put together, attractive, successful, intelligent doctor be into a hallucinating, emaciated patient who by all appearances is a raving lunatic? It's not believable in the slightest; in real life he would know better and romance with such a person would be the furthest thing from his mind.
And reading them flirt with each other like they're a couple of horny teenagers is so cringe-worthy I can't even put it into words. Dialogue like this:
"Calm as a clam," she said.
"Oyster," he said.
"Why oyster?"
"It seems to fit you better."
"Oh, you think I look more like an oyster than a clam?"
"No. Pearls are found in oysters."
She laughed. "I'll bet you're a shameless come-on artist in a singles' bar."
"I'm a shark," he said.
BARF! And it gets soooo much worse than that. You have no idea. Oh, here. I found another scene that's ultra-cringe (have your barf bag ready):
She said, "How long have you..."
"I don't know. Maybe even before you came out of the coma."
"Before that? Loved me...?"
"You were so beautiful."
"But you didn't even know me then."
"So it probably really wasn't love at that point. But something. Even then, I felt something."
"I'm glad."
Hffff. Hffffffff. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Until the nausea passes...okay...okay...I think I'm good now. Let's continue with the review.
Oh wait. Oh...good God. No. NO! I think it's happening again. I don't think I can take any more of this terribly-written super-cringe insta-romance! :
For a few seconds they were silent again, just staring at each other.
Then she said, "Can it really happen this fast?"
"It has."
"There's so much to talk about."
"A million things," he said.
"A billion," she said. "I hardly know a thing about your background."
"It's shady."
"I want to know everything there is to know about you," she said, holding one of his hands in both of hers. "Everything."
Me: *softly weeping*.
*sobbing sounds slowly trail off and fade away*
Oh. You're still here, review reader. *Sniffle*. Well, in that case, we may as well continue...
Later in the book, after Susan gets out of the hospital, and just when things are getting mildly interesting, Koontz starts doing the same annoying, exhaustive listing of things that he did in Shattered. Susan goes into town, and Koontz proceeds to list every single store and business in the entire town, which takes up an entire page of the book. Then, just a few pages later, Susan goes to the police station, where Koontz proceeds to list out every single item Susan sees in the main foyer, everything from a water cooler to filing cabinets to random scraps of paper. Still later, Susan ends up in a church parsonage, and Koontz goes on for literally two full pages describing all of the clothes and Halloween decorations she finds in the boxes and crates stored in the building (why the hell was she looking at so many of them anyway? a normal person would probably look at one box and say "oh, it's just clothes and party decorations", but this woman looks through like a hundred of the boxes ffs).
It's so lazy. Like...just describe what the place actually looks and feels like, as every other author on Earth does. Don't just exhaustively list out every piece of candy and scrap of paper and other mundane item the protagonist sees through their eyeballs. That's like reading a bland courtroom transcript of what someone told a court a police station contained, not a well written description of what it actually looks and feels like, as you would expect in a novel.
The plot is also nauseatingly repetitive: it's just an endless sequence of Susan having hallucinations and episodes over and over again and being terrified to death of the "four fraternity men" (this description of Susan's antagonists must appear at least fifty times in this book) over and over again, and Koontz yo-yoing back and forth between trying to convince the reader that Susan is crazy, then trying to convince the reader that it's a conspiracy and Susan really is in danger...crazy...conspiracy...crazy...conspiracy...crazy...conspiracy. It was just disorienting and tediously repetitive after several hundred pages of it, to the point where I didn't really care what the truth was anymore by the end of the book.
The big reveal of what's going on, why Susan is seeing these dead men from her past, why she can't remember anything about her employer or her job, what's going on in this entire book, basically...is so insane and nonsensical that it completely defies belief. It's bonkers, plain and simple. Like a really bad acid trip, or eating a pound of magic mushrooms or something, I don't know. It's has the logic you'd find in the hallucinations of a madman. It's moronic and juvenile beyond words, and introduces so many holes into the plot that the book ends up resembling a block of Swiss cheese.
Finally, as if I haven't said enough bad things about this book, the chapters are also insanely long, like 30-40 pages. That's just a personal pet peeve of mine, but if you're like me and you like shorter chapters, this book might irritate you. I've heard this complaint about one of his other books (Tick Tock I believe it was) as well, so long chapters might just be a thing Koontz does. Something to be aware of.
In summary, this is an incredibly stupid, dreadful story, and easily one of the worst books I've ever read. I wouldn't be surprised if The House of Thunder was one of the worst books of all time.
CAWPILE rating:
Characters: 2.0
Atmosphere / Setting: 2.0
Writing Style: 1.5
Plot: 1.0
Intrigue: 5.0
Logic / Relationships: 1.0
Enjoyment: 1.5
= 14 total
÷ 7 categories = 2 out of 10
= 1 star