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How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You

3.94  ·  Rating details ·  28,603 ratings  ·  1,844 reviews
If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is an offering of cat comics, facts, and instructional guides from the creative wonderland at

How to Tell If Your
Paperback, 131 pages
Published October 9th 2012 by Andrews McMeel Publishing (first published July 15th 2012)
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Popular Answered Questions
Sraedi This is NOT a novel, it's a collection of The Oatmeal comics in book format.…moreThis is NOT a novel, it's a collection of The Oatmeal comics in book format. (less)
This question contains spoilers… (view spoiler)
Lisa Bad. That's all I wanted to say, since you asked, but the one word was too short an answer to be accepted.
So, Bad.

Community Reviews

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Average rating 3.94  · 
Rating details
 ·  28,603 ratings  ·  1,844 reviews

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Oct 23, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: comics, humor, 2012
I didn't really need this book because as the proud owner of five cats, I know full well that the only reason I’m still breathing is because their lack of thumbs makes it impossible for them to open their favorite cans of food.

Readers of Matthew Inman’s website The Oatmeal should have a pretty good idea what to expect here. There are lots of very funny comics related to cat behavior well as a chapter filled with The Bobcats, two necktie wearing felines who make the office hell for their
Mohammed Arabey
Dec 30, 2013 marked it as for-consideration
After seeing this picture, it's a Must Read Book since I have a Cat...

enough said :)
Update (12-2-2014)It's happening AGAIN
Archit Ojha
Aug 25, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: ebooks
"This is the guide I needed to convince my husband against having a cat" - my dearest wife

Sharp and 100 percent fact laden humor!

Cats are aloof. They own you and NOT the other way round.

I am not so afraid of an alien invasion as of cats rising to power.

Be ware of the catkind, HUMANS!

For all those wannabe cat lovers, this is your bible. Get it read!

Oct 11, 2012 rated it really liked it
This is a book of non-fiction.

I cohabitate with two cats. They are cruel owners, and one of them made a 4 year old girl cry today. He was so proud of himself for doing it that he mrowed all over the living room in a victory lap and made the Boy Human pet him while calling him a good kitty. (He wasn't being a good kitty though. We just know better than to refuse.)

The other cat steals my bed. She weighs 8 pounds and somehow manages to cover an entire human-sized bed. She also is totally into
Nov 10, 2017 rated it liked it
Thanks to The Oatmeal's wisdom, we are now aware of the signs leading to a cat killing us.

Isn't that fun? Fortunately, this will not happen to me, because I am not a cat person. I will (probably) never own a cat. But to those who do: beware!

I'm kidding. Cats are adorable creatures (sometimes).

But in this book, they're not. They have a brain (almost) as developed as a human being and continuously challenge our authority and reason for existing.

Especially these two cats: Bob and Bob. They
Jan 18, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017, nonfiction, cats
Cat humor for adults, some funny, some not so much. A quick read, I recommend you borrow it from the library.
Aug 18, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Archit Ojha
Shelves: graphic
"Unless properly defended, your sandwich becomes MY sandwich !!"

These are the thoughts of Almighty Cat Bob!! and so it can be your's cat's too!! or any of your pets for that matter!!!

Anyone who has seen a cat in his life (which covers almost everyone on this planet) or known or have it as a pet, should, must and ought to be informed about this book.

I saw its title and found myself sticking to it for next few hours.
It is the first book for me in which I took more time in laughing at the
Magdalena aka A Bookaholic Swede
Half of the book worked for me, the other half...not so much.

What worked was stuff like this:

What didn't work:

The bobcat comic just wasn't that funny to read. It was more "I hope this isn't the rest of the book. I seriously hope something is coming after this instead of this boring comic". And luckily it was just part of the book and then it got fun to read again.

Then we have this part and is this suppose to be funny? I just read and though "wtf?"...

Review also posted on It's a Mad Mad World
Nov 03, 2016 rated it liked it

3.5 stars

This humorous book, composed of cartoons about cats, is sure to make pet lovers smile. The comical cats in the book get up to all kinds of tomfoolery....both at home and - in the case of the two corporate cats called "the Bobs" - at work.

To provide a little flavor of the book I'll give some examples of the droll entries.

If you're worried that your cat might be plotting to kill you, look out for the following:
Your kitty shovels too much litter after pottying....he's practicing for
Montzalee Wittmann
Jan 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You by Matthew Inman, The Oatmeal is such a hilarious book that I sat and giggled the whole way through it. Anyone with cats will understand the craziness in this book. The author is a genius when it comes to putting the cat mind into cartoon form. Awesome work! I borrowed this from the library and going to check for more! Too funny!!
Kayla Marie
Oct 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This little book was hilarious lol
Dec 31, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Did I enjoy the book? Yes. But that's really beside the point. I bought it mostly as a display of support for Oatmeal, who has been providing me free online laughs for years and years now.

If you haven't checked out his website, you really should:
Aqsa (On Hiatus)
Dec 11, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Aqsa (On Hiatus) by: Fatima✨
This was different from what the title implied.

I loved the start. It was funny and it made me miss my cat. I loved it. Then came the Bobcats which I hated! Kinda took the fun away. It seemed like someone was trying too hard, and most of it was just lame. I liked Wednesday, when they fired Frank. Then came other chapters. I enjoyed reading about Tuna which is so true and internet which was so cute and some other parts but the rest didn’t interest me. It kinda disgusted me and was kinda cheap.

Megan Baxter
Jun 16, 2013 rated it liked it
I have cats, so this seemed like an obvious one for me. And the first few cartoons I did find hilarious. But I put it down for a while, and when I picked it back up, it just wasn't tickling my funnybone in the same way. Either I wasn't in the right mood for it, or they led off with the best comics, and it just got progressively less funny from there.

Note: The rest of this review has been withdrawn due to the changes in Goodreads policy and enforcement. You can read why I came to this decision
These days I've been experimenting with some awesomely weird books. Yes, people may think that I'll never grow up, but these books I've read that seem to be for kids, I assure you they're not. Suggestion: if you don't want kids suffering awful traumas or to be potential psychos...


...turn off the TV and give them some Roald Dahl to read.

So, this book is not only useful, because it offers some great ideas to know if your cat is plotting to kill you, is also too damn funny. There are several
Kaethe Douglas
Oct 09, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: cats, humor
Are You Dead Yet?

Then your cat is plotting to kill you. I give you this spoiler because I have four cats in my house, and that means probably not much time left. You should definitely run out and buy this with your holiday gift money (I did!): it may save your life.

Feel free to read the following aloud when you finish reading your copy: My theory is once the cat knows you're on to it, it'll have to keep its vengeance hidden, lest everyone know who to blame. In fact, now that the secret is out,
Jul 05, 2015 rated it really liked it
Borrowed this from Lynn. Astonishing amount of cat fur floated down from the pages, which means her felines have read the book!

I worry for her safety . . .
Dec 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: humour
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at:

If you are (1) a fan of The Oatmeal or (2) a crazy cat lady, then this is a book that someone should buy for you (Who has two thumbs and is a crazy cat lady? This gal - so hint, hint). It confirms everything that a person with cats already knows - we are their servants, and they would be okay with us being dead as long as we leave our rotting corpse behind so they can nom nom on our face.

A sane person would never live with a roommate
I recently acquired a farm cat which my husband rescued from starvation in literally the middle of a cornfield. His name is Gringer. He spends all day training and plotting to kill us when he isnt walking around begging for tummy rubs from anyone at the farm. He likes to hunt bugs as practice until he is old enough to move on to bigger prey (presumably, us), and he also likes to crawl up into saplings and wait for passerbys* to startle them by mewling loudly, then hopping down from the tree, and ...more
Oct 23, 2012 rated it really liked it

This book is hilarious! Anyone who knows me knows that I love cats. My kids keep saying one day I will turn into the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons. Currently I have only two. I used to have five but we experienced a lot of passings recently. I have a shelf of urns to prove it. My vet even sends me sympathy cards.

My favorite part of this book is the “Bobs”. They are two tie wearing cats that work in an office full of humans. As usual, the cats don’t treat humans with too much respect. It’s
Alice-Elizabeth (marriedtobooks)
Oh gosh, this was such a funny collection of humorous cartoons, all involving cats and for the majority of the time, I was in stitches. I liked how the book was laid out, with various categories. Some parts such as the cartoons involving the cat out at night was enjoyable. The odd one or two chapters didn't make me laugh so much. It's simple, quick and easy to read. Fun for cat lovers!
Sam Quixote
Mar 17, 2013 rated it it was amazing
“How to Tell If Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You” by Matthew Inman is a devastating expose on the shocking secret that felines across the world are planning a mass takeover of the planet. Why President Obama or none of the other world leaders have not been talking about this is a mystery especially as cats seem well placed to enact their global attack at a moment’s notice - hell, there’s even one of them in my house! (It’s ok, I’m typing this in the other room, and - I think - he’s asleep. If ...more
Bill Lynas
May 24, 2018 rated it liked it
A short, fun read with some very amusing illustrations. Obviously written by someone who knows a lot about cast and their eccentric behaviour.
Dec 24, 2012 rated it it was amazing
HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! HA-HA! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!!!!! HA— (Remembers to breathe... *Huff, huff...) PAUSE... HA!

How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You was the funniest book I have ever read. With every page I busted a gut. I especially liked BRINGING YOU DEAD ANIMALS: This isn't a gift. It's a warning. HA! Anyways, I recommend this book to everyone, so long as they don't mind a bit of a potty-mouth. Everything about this book was brilliantly humorous—everything from the Bobcats
Sep 18, 2013 rated it really liked it
As I was reading this graphic novel, my cats were watching me. It was hard to tell what their eyes looked like.
Just remember cats, I’m the one who feeds you, who buys the food, and who opens the cans. Until you develop thumbs, I think the cans are going to be a bit of a problem.
If you have ever owned or currently own a furball of death, this book will crack you up. Totally. Except maybe the sections about the Bobcats which goes on for bit too long. However, there are handy dandy charts for
David Sarkies
Sep 25, 2013 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Lovers of Cats
Recommended to David by: I saw it on Amazon
Shelves: comedy
A warning for cat owners
25 September 2013

Gee, I have read an awful lot of books that begin with 'H' and the reason that I know this is because I write all of my commentaries on a word document before uploading them to Goodreads. I don't do it to edit them or make sure that they are fit for publishing, simply because I know that there are lots and lots of grammatical and spelling typos in my commentaries (though I am currently going through them again to fix them up). Rather, I simply write them
Oct 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I fell for this one the moment I saw the first preview pages on Facebook/Amazon or where was it that I found out about the pre-purchase option of this book.

I tore open the Amazon package, sat on the bed, tore out the pull-out poster and started reading it out loud, to myself, out loud, out louder, to myself, out really loud. I laughed so hard :') I can imagine this being a perfect birthday, Christmas or whatever gift for someone.

First off, I lovelovelovelove the illustration :) Already on page
Jun 24, 2017 rated it liked it
How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You is a #1 NYT best seller by The Oatmeal. It’s a book of cartoons about cats: apart from the title chapter (which is also summarised on a pull-out poster, included), there are handy sections like “how to pet a kitty”, “Direction of the ears”, a comparison between sheltering a homeless man and a cat, Cat vs internet, High Speeds, The 3 ways to deal with cat litter, and six instalments of a cartoon called “The Bobcats” in which two cats, both named ...more
Aug 20, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Every word in this book is true.
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Matthew Inman (a.k.a. "The Oatmeal") is a Web designer and developer from Seattle, Washington. He has been designing Web sites since the age of 13 and is a seasoned programmer, systems administrator, and online marketer. Matthew launched in 2009.